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Betrayal

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2 min read

Dear Mutterers, it gives me great pleasure to communicate with you all through this medium.  An occurrence has left me shocked for days now and it’s gotten me thinking about how we humans can be though.

So here’s the gist; my supposed “best friend” just gave birth and the funny thing is I had no idea she was even pregnant. So shocking right? Especially knowing we are best friends.

This is someone I grew up with and we’ve strong bonds, although a change of house location created a long-distance we still try to keep in touch and check up on one another often. 

READ: FRIENDSHIP IS A RUSE

On finding out she had given birth, I had to go through our chats to see if there were any loopholes I probably missed but it’s been back to back of enjoyable chats and checking up on one another and not once did she mention the word ‘Pregnancy’. Lest I forget, I got the news of her delivery via her brothers WhatsApp status. Oh my WOW! I looked so shocked and stupid at the same time. 

Some of you might begin to reason, maybe we had a fight or something, but hell No! Nothing of such. I held her in high esteem, I could swear she hadn’t popped her cherry yet. How can someone you love, trust and hold in high esteem do such to you, it then means such a person can hurt you right?

betrayal
Was it shame?
READ: WHEN THEY DONT TELL YOU

Yes, I am happy for her, I mean everyone is happy to receive the news of a newborn but sincerely I’m pained, this is a betrayal.  Pained especially because I had to reach out to her first and say congratulations and she just said “thank you” and locks up like nothing happened or I don’t deserve an explanation and then had the guts to ask when I will be paying her a visit.

Somehow I regret reaching out first only to get such nonchalant response. I should have just laid low and pretended like I saw nothing and wait for her to break the news herself anytime she felt. It’s all good though. It’s a cold world and like the singer, Popcaan said in his track ‘Silence’, “It’s so hard to trust your enemy at the same time, so hard to trust your friend”. Indeed the world is electric, anything can shock you.

READ: HAVE YOU MET THEIR OTHER CLOSE FRIENDS?

Maybe somewhere along the line, I went wrong.  Maybe she never regarded me as a best friend. Been asking myself too many questions, I feel so betrayed or was it the shame of giving birth out of wedlock that made her hide it? how do I solve this? Have you ever been betrayed by a loved one?

2 min read

There are ways we ask for forgiveness that can be really exhausting

It is very surprising and disheartening when we offend someone we are really close to and they remain recalcitrant in forgiving us.  At the initial stage of begging forgiveness, it seems normal. Maybe they don’t want to appear easy, maybe they want us to know how offended they really are, hence the protraction. We think. So we keep pushing, sending mutual close parties to them, writing sorry texts, showing up at their offices, etc. just so they can be back in our lives.

Suddenly we realize such little drops of water have become an ocean. From one day, it’s got to about three weeks and counting…then our senses become alert. We stop to focus on the hurt that we caused them and begin to focus on how cold they really are. Goodness! Who would have thought! At this point we begin to beg for forgiveness alone, not to revive the friendship. We replay the events of how it happened, what led to what, we put ourselves in their shoes. If it were me, would I still be angry despite umpteenth pleas? Would I not give him/she the chance to talk things over? So this lady (guy)  can actually do without me for this long? Was our friendship actually valuable? Our answers to these questions make us even soberer.

forgiveness muttering minds
At this point, I’m like “Whatever…”

Many times we are angry that we were hurt by someone and the person didn’t beg us for so long. ‘He annoyed me, and said ‘sorry’ for some time and that was it’.  

The truth is not everyone can withstand the heat that comes with seeking forgiveness. Normally its exhausting no matter the crime one is guilty of and then it is more exhausting getting several doors shut at your face. How long do you intend to keep them begging forgiveness? It’s not in everyone’s DNA to flaunt soberness in your face but it doesn’t mean they are not sorry. They have done the best they could and now waiting for your turn.

READ: Apology is not a Currency

You might want to leverage on the fact that people hurt differently, I get. Its the same way at seeking forgiveness, we react to the routine differently. I am not a fan of shutting someone out completely because they hurt me. No matter the gravity, I want to hear them speak even though it might be their last. You don’t shut people out completely, that‘s trauma! The more they plead your forgiveness, the more exhausting it becomes and gradually the whole essence loses value.

In my opinion, we all have our unique ‘forgive language’ just like we do for ‘love’.  If its a crime I can easily forgive you for if put in your shoes, I see no need why I have to be head over heels in seeking your forgiveness.  

2 min read

So one Saturday while conversing with my younger brother on the phone, who had called to catch up with the activities in the house, you know how siblings gist can be now.

The call was on for a while and then he asked hastily…“Marvin said I should ask if you are at Onyi’s introduction.” That was his friend in the background.

Hmmm! In split seconds my brain literally bounced. I didn’t know how to feel about the question but a huge part of me was definitely confused. First! Which Onyi…Second! Would the Onyi I know keep me in the dark concerning her introduction?

In the wake of my confusion I, managed to ask “Which Onyi” He answered rhetorically “Which one before?” It was actually the ‘Onyi’ I knew. “Ooooooo, I’ve been very busy, but mehn I am so counting down for the wedding”…this was me feigning that I was aware but couldn’t make it. I mean I had to do that. 

After the call, l started to look for every reason why she wouldn’t have told me. I began buying various excuses on her behalf. The only thing I could lay hold of as tangible was that she always complained I was too busy and was fond of last last-minute decline of invites. That was it right? Even if it might not have been, I had to choose it as my truth.

“Well introductions are not so important, Its the first official meeting of both families…the wedding is the big deal” this was me still consoling myself even if she still hasn’t told me till date🙂.

friends
Me searching for a thousand and one reason why she didn’t tell me😂😂

More often than not, we are pissed when we hear something about our ‘friends’ from someone else. We cannot wrap our heads around why they didn’t tell us, but wait! How much of a friend are you to them, compared to the ones they told? 

READ : Did you ever kept secrets from your love ones?

A person might have in hierarchy ten close friends, and has a slot for three, how do you think they will make their choice? Of course, it has, to be the top three and if you happen to be number four, sorry!

Looking from another angle, we all have different ways of processing information. If I got a heavy gist to share, I know the friends to tell immediately and the ones to tell later after the dust has settled. It doesn’t involve hierarchy.

Likewise seeking advice on certain issues and ideas for upcoming projects, I know who to call among my friends.

At the end of the day, it’s different friends for different case for me.

You will be surprised to find out where a person places you in their lives but most importantly respect it. If a friend doesn’t tell you about something it’s not an avenue to get angry or go ahead to confront them. 

READ ALSO: Three Ways Confront Someone

As much as it might hurt, it’s not time for them to tell you, wait for your turn no matter how close you think you are to them.

Well…they might never even tell you😎.