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September 2019

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< 1 min read

What would you do? You have been friends with a certain lady for a while. Actually, your purpose was to commit her into a happy working relationship.

It appears over time, that you guys have a connect; like a connect on any topic or any issue. After a while, you took the leap of chances, to ask her out; and then she’s like, “well, you gotta give me time. I just got out of a bad relationship and so I want to give it some time before I hop over the horse again.”

In your own spirit of optimistic understanding, you agree to that phase in her life, and then one day; while you guys were speaking, she chipped it in that she’s back with her ex.

What would you do?

< 1 min read
Why are we cautioned not to make derogatory remarks about babies or little ones, but when it’s an adult we do so with impunity.

 

Society frowns at  describing a baby as ugly, but when two adults get in a fight, they curse out recurrently at each other and malign their physique.

Read About Us
What makes them acceptable now we are old enough?
Childhood vs Adulthood

Also, some societal ills we tell children not to do indulge in like talking to strangers on the road, using swear words, collecting money or food from neighbours, taking alcohol etc. but adults do so why?

What makes them acceptable now we are old enough? Is it that once we attain a certain age, morals and restrictions don’t serve anymore?

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2 min read

There’s this saying about not taking some friends to where your bread is being buttered otherwise they steal the baker and in the long run, the whole bakery. Well, I don’t know if these are the exact words but I’m sure you understand what I am saying.

I have no fear introducing my friends to anything or whoever I think they can benefit from and if in the process they get better in relating or at it than I am then viola!

Read: Friendship Is A Ruse

You know you can introduce a friend to a forum, an NGO or any of such groups and they get more sunk in involvement than you are? Should it be something to cry about or scream betrayal? Well No! introducing them doesn’t mean they should operate at the same level as you.

Introduce
A true friend will always be excited to introduce a friend
Read: The Walls Dont Have Ears!

People are bound to be better and ambitious, it’s never in a bid to spite another, at least not intentionally. They might end up leading the team while you are still there warming the membership seat. 

Don’t go about throwing tantrums by saying “I brought her here, now she’s trying to be noticed at all cost.” My dear she’s not, she’s just playing her cards to the best of her ability and I suggest you do the same, that’s if it is of candid importance to you.

Read: Wait! Have You Met Their Other Close Friend Yet?

But wait! Here’s where I have an issue. If you met someone through me do not discuss me with him/her, I mean the personal stuff you know about me. If I brought you into an organization, the same applies. It shouldn’t be through you that all other members know about my private life. There are over a million and one things that can be discussed, get along with the whole purpose of your meeting and leave my personal business out of it. Capish?

2 min read

You know you can see two people together every time, going about the same stuff, eating side by side in the cafeteria, laughing at the same jokes, sometimes wearing the same outfit, plying the same route, etc. but they are not actually friends.

This habit is most common with students, we all need something from one another and so we form allies. We need someone to help us lobby our names on the attendance sheet whenever we will be missing lectures, someone to give the silent calls and codes during exams, etc.

Read: Friendship is a Ruse

Often, It is not only two individuals who form this kind of union, most times it is usually up to a cartel number, you see a group of four or five people walking together and going about the same stuff but more than half the time, they are not friends, only together for a reason.

I remember following this ritual when I was in college. Four ladies who connected because of school work, weekends were not an option, but you see Mondays until Fridays, we will practically blow up each other’s phones with rings. “Babe, what’s up? Are you coming to lectures? Mr O said we will be writing a test, please reserve a space for me”…similar needs like this, we will always request from one another. We knew we weren’t friends. But guess what! We worked things out. Through the heat of various requests, we were able to figure one another out, knowing what each other likes and dislikes and viola! We are still friends till today.

Read: The Friends Chart; When they dont Tell You
not actually friends
Sharing good moments together does not mean you are friends.

Why am I writing this? Most times we deliberately form these allies, other times it happens subconsciously. You just find yourself always with a particular person or a mini group. Some people get it wrong, they think they have made friends and begin to scream betrayal when the person they thought they had made friends with crosses over to another party.

Never be foolish to think you are friends, at least not immediately. When a group is no longer serving its purpose, the ones who knew the core ingredient that attracted them to the group always leave because they invested no affection.

Read: Why you should say No even when convienient

Not every two individuals you see together always are friends. I’m sure you have an idea of what I am talking about. Have you ever asked someone:

You-  Hey! Where is Nancy, we haven’t seen her in a while?

Person- I don’t know, not heard from her in a while too.

You- too! I actually thought you were friends.

Person- Ah really! No!  We are not close o.

And that’s the truth, they are not actually friends but only served the same purpose at the time.

 

< 1 min read

On my way home yesterday the bags I had with me weren’t heavy yet I would have used a hand if offered.

I was with a Male friend actually who could only help with an escort to the estate gate and that was absolutely fine but sincerely I felt amiss that it didn’t occur to him to assist with one of the bags at least. “He’s a man, men should always assist the ladies right?” I thought.

Who Made These Rules? These rules that attack our individuality

But who made this rule anyway? Likewise the other rules that attack our individuality.

There are a lot of societal rules that we have subliminally gotten in tune with since our birth, which of course have been existing before us. Some like this one are irking especially because it focuses on generalism, overlooking the varying personality types.

Let’s discuss this and many more that irritates you and why in the comment section.  

2 min read

I actually don’t know if it’s a bad habit, but wherever I find myself especially if it’s my first time, I always have a lot of worst-case scenarios running through my head.

For instance, if I am in a vehicle, I begin to imagine that it suddenly catches fire and then what would I do?

 Read: Do You Read With Your Mind or Eyes

Immediately I begin to resolve the situation in my head just in case it actually happens. I take a look at the people sitting around me, who is too fat or has plenty luggage beside them and if it will be convenient to get a hold of myself in the wake of any occurrence with all the barricade. Will I be able to run out faster than my legs can carry to prevent me from getting terribly burnt?

I imagine the amount of adrenaline my body will hold at that moment if it will be enough to do extreme things like breaking the side glass quickly with my legs and then stuffing out my body through the shackles left on the doors.

 

Recently I went to see a male friend my eyes were fixed on the bottles of perfumes he had arranged by his bedside. My mind was like just Incase he tries anything stupid, I would smash his skull with one of those things lol. Funny enough he caught my gaze and asked if I liked them, I had to concur damn it!  If only he knew what I was thinking. I hope these worst-case scenarios don’t get me into trouble someday.

And these worst comes to worst scenarios keep popping in my head every now and then, perhaps it is normal especially judging by the genre of movies I binge-watch. I like to watch (horror and thrillers). Also, I think that these test scenarios are the residual effects of paying close attention to scary real-life stories.

worst case

In the midst of all these,  I sometimes ask myself, What if these things I imagine comes to play in real life? will I really act as I envisaged?

To think that I’m currently writing this post while on a boat ride😫😫… I’m sure you already have an idea of the crazy kinds of stuff playing in my mind.

Have You Reviewed Muttering Minds Yet?

2 min read

When you invite someone to a function, would you prefer if they can fend for themselves or you prefer they follow you all about the place?

A lot of friends complain that I fail to honour their invitations and also fail to invite them over. “ooo your sister is getting married soon, how come I am just hearing that?”

“Uju when will you ever invite me for your Chess class?”

Well here’s the Truth! There are some friends I cannot tell to come along with me to a function. You see the friends that follow you about the place, those are the ones I avoid granting an invite.

I understand that being in an unfamiliar environment could come with an overdose of shyness, but I expect that you are able to break free along the line.  Personally, the main reason I reject invites is the,t I am shy, and I wouldn’t want to be a burden to whoever invited me. It’s that simple!
 Not disputing that it’s  normal to stick with friends when met with an unfamiliar gathering like parties, weddings, camping, etc. But frankly, it’s not fair to honour an invitation, and then come along with a low spirit, you must be ready for whatever comes along otherwise sit at home!
Detty December
If You Must Come Along, Be Prepared!

I invited you to a place doesn’t mean I must babysit you the whole time.

Read: How To Resist Detty December With a Simple No This Christmas

Enjoy yourself! It’s a social event, not a communion service. Locate the restroom yourself, I shouldn’t follow you there😏… Meet people, have a good laugh, ask questions, have a good dance, mingle as you would love to…or is that not why we are here? I had my own plans prior to the event and none of it entailed babysitting an adult. Someone walks up to you, and you are trying to catch my eyes to gain consent, am I your mum😒? Feel free OK!

Stop  asking me “when are we going home?” I could strangle you😐.

Stop being the reason a friend doesn’t enjoy an event… So if you must come along, be prepared! Otherwise, sit your ass at home!

Note: I had to reshare this in the advent of Detty December. Christmas is here!! But remember, no Detty December for boring people. If you cannot be ‘detty’ sit your ass down at home like me🤣🤣.

< 1 min read

Yes as humans, we make mistakes, we are not computer clones or machines that do not make errors.

We have blood running through our veins and not wires, I understand all that, I know I hurt people and make mistakes too. I ask for forgiveness from those I hurt and am aware of, please take note but I don’t force them to be friends with me or to let things return to how they once were. Why? Because I believe reconciliation is a matter of choice, a thing which the heart process and would fully allow access to when it wants to or is fully recovered.

Yes, we all follow the norms, the morals talks, and the religious belief but please can we just allow a person to decide if he or she wants to reconcile? Without forcing our will down the throat of such a person? Yes I forgive you, I forget but I just want to stay as far away from you as possible because to err is human, to forgive, divine and to reconcile my choice!

To err is human! To forgive divine! Reconciliation, my choice!

2 min read

Why is it that whenever we ask God for a favour we never assume that he can fulfil it through us? We always think that God ought to use another man to bless us.

Most Christians brag about their faith level blindly.  ‘As far as your eyes can see’, they say, but it’s strange how ‘far’ breeds myopia in this context.

In my opinion, a man’s eyes ought to see from within before moving so far. After asking God in prayer for something, some christains conclude the prayer by calling forth helpers. Not saying it is wrong but why not ask God to equip you enough to help yourself instead?

Read: ‘Fallen Christians’… They Had No Stand

Have you ever thought that you can be your own helper instead of asking him for a strategic place where your helper can find you…whew! Let’s take, for example, a believer who has been praying to God to bless them with a new phone. Suddenly God blesses them with money enough to buy themselves a new phone but they forbid it. They keep feeling it’s a Good Samaritan or so-called helper’s job to get them one.

I have heard some Christians say “As a tither, it’s forbidden that I use my money to buy some things… Never!” Like really? Whose money should be used?

After getting favour due to continuous begging, bugging or cunningness, some  Christians walk up to the pulpit to give a testimony on what the Lord did for them, how they acquired so and so without stress. Really? Why not tell the church how you forced your way through it or does ‘the violent take it by force’ apply in this context?

As a Christian, you are not forbidden to use your own money to do your bidding. Stop the stylish begging, if a miracle will come, I’m sure you don’t need to sweat it. That money in your account might as well serve as your own miracle.

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