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March 2020

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4 min read

To commemorate the International Women’s Day celebration yesterday (March 8), more than a majority hopped on the #EachforEqual hashtag, even the ones ignorant about the true meaning.

While the #EachforEqual tag trended on social media, especially Twitter. What got my attention more was Wema Bank’s newsletter which blew some hot steam. A part of it read: “We want more doctorate degree holders whose fathers didn’t question educating a girl child because they fear he won’t uphold his last name anyway. Understandably, we want better. We want more. We want equal.” 

Read: Am I The Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

The Deposit Money Bank concluded its letter with a triggering statement which read “But we are the mothers raising patriarchal sons, the bosses who make it difficult for female subordinates, and the friends who won’t speak up when male friends do wrong”

Below the belt? Well not for me. As a lady, the statement made me question the essence of feminism which preaches “equal right for both genders”. But the question is, do feminists actually want equality?

Famous for the #SexForGrades documentary, BBC reporter, Kiki Mordi took to Twitter and responded to Wema Banks newsletter. She tweeted; “So why are you funding the patriarchy? Until we take decisive actions to stop putting our very limited resources into businesses that refuse to be gender-sensitive, we will keep dancing around in circles. #BoycottWemaBank until they apologize to you. Your money is worth respect”

Before now, Kiki Mordi through several tweets and social projects has been tagged as an unapologetic feminist, little wonder why she was able to stir trouble from a supposed harmless tweet. It got me thinking “What exactly do feminist want, equality or superiority?”, I have to ask because the way they get easily triggered is so repulsive.

How do you pounce on a truthful text that reflects the reality of the society we live in? Is the truth that bitter? Women preach feminism yet can’t bear to see the other woman take a step higher than them.  Female bosses continue to make the workspace difficult like they are in a competition of bagging a trophy for the worst boss.

Read: Baby’s Gender! Mere Curiosity Or Culture Oriented?

International Women's Day: 5 feminists on the future of feminism - Vox

You preach feminism when there are still women who indulge their male friends to cause harm or mock a female they don’t like. Like charity begins at home, morals should begin within the female circle first. If you don’t love the woman next to you, If you can’t tell her with confidence and smiles that her speech at the conference was brilliant, if you can’t tell her how gorgeous she looks in that dress, how do you preach feminism when your gender is broken?

Open letter: Feminism isn't just for women - Daily Titan

These women are seeking equality in certain areas whilst oblivious to the rest. If you are seeking equality, you should be able to pay the bills, fix the tyre, secure the house, etc but unfortunately, they only seek equality in the career and social sphere, neglecting the home.

These women seek to be the MD/CEO’s just like the men which are very impressive but what about other areas? I mean, your home!

Referencing what Wema bank said, are mothers training their children to exercise equal rights in the home? Looking at various homes today, although modernized, it’s still the same setting. The boys are allowed to watch TV while the girls are mandated to be in the kitchen because one day they will be married. If equality for both genders will be a reality shouldn’t it like charity, begin at home?

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife; Who Should Be More Thankful?

If we are going to hop on the #eachforequal trend then we must be able to fit into where the men fit into at all levels even paying the bills.

The effects of raising girls and boys differently | The Guardian ...

The truth is, we are created differently with different responsibilities. Even the Bible we reference sometimes does not put the female where the man is supposed to fit in.

As much as we want to be equal, We must not forget the future of the next generation. Are we training them to fight for equality to the detriment of embracing their own unique features? Are we training them to replace good morals with equality?  As we climb the career ladder, the home that forms a nation must never be neglected. #EachforEqual.

3 min read

I seem to relate with people who have an issue with praying often because I have been down that lane too. Reading last Sunday’s post ‘ To The One Who Doesn’t Pray Often, Maybe You Are Like Me Too’,  and also the reactions from a lot of people saying they are in the same shoes, I felt the urge to share my story on how I overcame a very inconsistent prayer life.

“I’m too tired to pray.”

“I don’t really have time.”

“I have to hurry to beat the traffic.” 

These are some of the popular reasons some of us raise as a barrier to praying often. How I dealt with the issue is quite simple and I’d suggest if you too can adopt it. 

The First Step

The first step is knowing who God is, and What he really wants for you as stated in John 3:16, 2 Cor 13:14. Then also knowing that there’s a devil whose Modus operandi has been clear from the beginning (John 10:10).

What does God really want?

One thing the devil enjoys is taking advantage of the Ignorance of Believers. God didn’t just send his Son Jesus Christ to die for our Sins; He sent him so that we can be in union with Him just as Jesus is in Union with Father God. (John 17:21)

God doesn’t have Bad desires for his children. He’s steadfast in his affection towards us and desires only the Best for Us. (Deu 7:9, 3 John 1:2)

The devil doesn’t play fair and all these reasons we all give as excuses for our lack of prayer are cool with Him. He already has you where he wants you. You have become like that Prey. He uses the same strategy the Lions use when they have a band of antelope; they scare them and just wait patiently for one to break out then they focus all their energy on that one. The strategy is Isolation. 

So Satan isolates you from Fellowship so that his plan to destroy you is Faster. 

Read: Praying In Public; Panic Attacks

What is Prayer? 

Prayer is fellowshipping with God in the Name of Jesus. Prayer is Communicating with God. 

It doesn’t have to be too long, five minutes of prayer with wholehearted devotion goes a long way in aligning you with God’s perfect will for your day especially if you’ve been baptized by the Holy Spirit. 

“A Prayerless Christian is a Powerless Christian”,  you might have heard this as well. But guess what it is not true. The essence of the quote is to stress the Importance of Praying. Power comes from the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8)

So we can rephrase by saying “A Prayerless Christian is not an Effective Christian”.

So if you want to be effective in your work and other things you really want to do, I strongly suggest you create time to Communicate with God. 

Importance Of Meditation 

Let me take you through some scriptures that encouraged me to always meditate, they will be of help to you too…

Joshua  1:8– This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.  

1:9– Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Staying your Mind

Isaiah  26:3- Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

If you’d meditate and stay your mind on God; You’d find that you enjoy rich times of Prayer before you head out for work and you’d realize that you’d be successful and confident in your Work. 

I find myself taking out 3-5 minutes while at work to pray as well. It can be quite contagious that once you start you may never want to stop. There’s nothing that’s too small or Big to talk to God about. 

Read: To The One Who Doesn’t Pray Often, Maybe You Are Like Me Too

So the Ball is in your court now. God is willing. His arms are open wide just for You, what are you waiting for? Why not take a few minutes now to talk to him.

If you are reading this and you were able to overcome not praying often in ways different from mine or feel the need to buttress my points further, you can leave a comment too. You never know whose life you’ll touch.

2 min read

I admire people who are audacious in wearing their hearts on their sleeve especially on social media where ‘Big Brother is always watching’. I might go bonkers depending on the circumstances surrounding your manner of outburst but somewhere at the back of my mind, I’m like “Damn! Such courage to post your nudes? Damn girl! Bravo!” The courage for me is usually the silver lining and the finer part of the ‘bad behavior’.

You know those reckless abandon stunt that happens in high school? Where an intractable junior student lands a very dirty slap on a power-thirsty prefect (or senior student) and the whole crowd goes berserk with cheers? That’s it! It’s heroic to me. Even after the incident is dead and buried, I would reminisce sometimes, smiling chin to chin.

Read: What About Me? Is There Not Someone Out There Who…

Its mind thrilling for me and usually the closest I get to fictitious displays in heroic movies. Even though the student is punished severely for getting rude and physical, I see him/her as a hero who summoned the courage to glitch the indignation and breach of self-worth. Yes! I raise my glass and duff my hearts for these ones. 

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I love it when a person puts it outright to an authority that their administration is bullshit. We all know it is, but only one man got the balls to voice it. Shouldn’t we rather than cower, give him an obvious round of applause?

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My idea of a hero is not the one who wears a cape flying around, looking for a house on fire to save a soul. My idea of a hero is not the one who feeds the hungry on the streets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not invalidating the gesture or insinuating they are not ‘hero specs’, it’s just that by default, I am not fascinated by run-off-the-mill ideas and actions.

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My idea of a hero is the one who embraces the need to be blunt when everyone else hops on the sentimental train. My idea of a hero is the one who understands that man’s love is flaccid therefore not everyone will be faithful in loving them. So without hoping for love and validation from society, they throw caution to the wind to live their best life.

Read: The Custodians Of False Historicals

I admire the one who knows not just to whisper “enough is enough” under their breath, but seize the moment to act upon it. 

While some see these acts as attention-seeking and are offended by it, they get me in the right way. My guilty pleasure mounts on a flare for disobedience and reckless abandon. Perhaps I love it more because they reflect the secluded desires of my mind. 

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I crave to be like that sometimes. I wish I could say “enough is enough” to some bullshit like going to work every day for a crackpot who pays peanuts after forty days of enduring rigor. But the harder I try, the more I get sunk in hope that it will be over soon. The more I daydream about throwing caution into thin air, my conscience always pricks me with the “can you handle the outcome?” talk.

2 min read

There is a common saying that love is a beautiful thing. While that may be true, there are days in our mundane world when we see ugly situations being affiliated with love, and then one is forced to think twice about what it is that is beautiful about love. But on a more serious note, is love really a beautiful thing?

Life, as we all know, is a game of fair and foul. What is foul to someone somewhere is actually fair to someone else, and there is really nothing that one can do about that.

 

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However, just recently, there was this trending video on twitter that got quite a number of reactions from a lot of people. It was a video of a married woman who went on to harass in public, a single lady who was actually enjoying her husband’s joystick.

Personally, my take on the video is, first it was wrong that the woman went all out to harass an unknown person, and from the married woman’s dressing, one can tell why the man had to cheat. A lot of women forget the energy that they invested into the relationship before they married their husbands. That energy goes into oblivion when they become wife, but life goes on, the man in the house would still be attracted to what he sees. Hence the reason to go outside to find what his eyes crave.

infidelity
Side Chic vs Wife; A lot of women forget the energy that they invested into the relationship before they married their husbands.

A lot of people have been saying a lot of things about how wrong it is that a single sister would be sleeping with another woman’s husband, but I beg to differ a little. In life, we all want happiness, and no matter how small it is, we would do almost anything to have that happiness. It won’t be surprising to anyone that some trivial things would bring some people the greatest satisfaction.

Read: Kids Immediately After Marriage, Yes Or No?

A married woman sometimes doesn’t know the value of what she has. If she does, she’ll do anything to keep it. A single sister, on the other hand, doesn’t have the kind of happiness that a married woman has most times. 

Some might say, some marriages are actually unhappy, but the truth is, even being married is a form of happiness, at least in Nigeria. We all know how hard it is these days to find a man that is willing to give you all of the attention that you want.

Read: When Happiness Fades In Your Marriage

What’s a sister to do if all the happiness that she wants in the world is guaranteed her from a man who is married and unsatisfied with his “grandma” wife? I hope you see the picture now?

Before you judge me though, all humans have to be selfish sometimes. Sometimes with love, and sometimes with what makes you happy.

 

2 min read

Sometimes when I see people’s opinions on marriage, love, infidelity and all that relates to a ‘union’, I often wonder how shallow-minded some can be.

So about the trending video on social media of a woman harassing her husband’s mistress in the mall. Well, I’m not dazed, every dick and harry had something to say as usual.

Before anything else, Why should anyone decide to have a romantic affair with a married person?  I really can’t wrap my head around this foul idea. It’s so foul, please!

First, imagine the pressure a lady gets from society to get married at a certain age, then she finds a man and realizes they are compatible and fair to tie the knot. Suddenly after marriage, a different phase of pressure begins. She is forced to constantly trigger her sensual creativity to dance to his tune so he doesn’t look elsewhere. What idiocy!

Nobody has an idea of what these married women go through to ensure sanity in their homes. They go through so much especially emotional trauma, imagine waking up every day knowing you have to always tame an idiot of a husband? Then from nowhere another woman comes in to ruin your marriage and some ignorant he-goat starts preaching to you on how best to react.

Mehn! They are allowed to react whichever way they want to. I saw a lot of comments inciting that instead of the side chic, she should exercise her wrath to her husband. Do you all know if she already did? Do you know how long she has been enduring his cheat game? Is it because there is no video evidence to that effect? 

We were able to see this side because there were eye-witnesses to record. How about the umpteenth time she woke him up in the middle of the night to talk and he didn’t budge? How about the nights she soaked her pillows in tears? How about the last conversation that broke the camels back?

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?

We react differently to different things. A lot of men are dogs and can they can never be satisfied,  they won’t stop chasing what is under the skirt. If only some women can learn to reject advances from married men though. Well, it takes a certain level of discipline and a good heart but unfortunately not every woman has that. 

Now to the dimwits saying he had every right to cheat on her because she looks every shade of unattractive, get this clear, If dress sense and looks were the bone of contention in marriages, the likes of Cardi B and even the almighty Queen B would not have been cheated on by their husbands, so please spare me. 

Read: Kids Immediately After Marriage, Yes or No?

There is no excuse for cheating. Love is not enough, it takes commitment too. If you are not committed to the one you affirm your love, then there is every possibility you are a full-blown cheat.  

While with the ‘other woman’, before you take off those clothes, the moment they hit the ground, before you reach for a kiss, your mind at these stages must have flashed you several images of your wife. At this moment you know you are about to cheat, if you don’t have the decency to wear your clothes and leave then you are the problem, not your wife! 

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4 min read

To the one who doesn’t pray often, maybe you are like me too…

My lover, My Phone or God

To the one who doesn’t pray often, I am like you too but I don’t know if your reasons are the same as mine or your excuses crosses the line too.

Sometimes it’s not deliberate. Most times I am tired, I leave for work so early and get back so late, all the time my soul is willing but my body is so tired. All the time I am thinking “can he hear my soul speak”? If he can, should I not pray with my soul? But wouldn’t he say that I am lazy to talk to him with my mouth? 

Image result for bedtime and pressing phone
Most times I am tired, I leave for work so early and get back so late

Amid these confrontations, I hear the boring ‘Bzzt Bzzzt! Bzzzt’, it’s my phone ringing, my lover is calling to see if I am home. I take the call and we talk about the most serious and silliest things about our day for almost an hour or more and conclude with our ‘love you’s and byes’

My conscience wakes up, “But God wanted to know how your day went, you said you were tired”. That’s one round of guilt there, so I snuggle some tired prayer. I can barely hear myself talk, how about him? Did he hear a thing I said?

Read: Praying In Public; Panic Attacks!
Image result for bedtime and pressing phone
But instead of carving a little time to pray, I carve some for my phone.

And then I wake up earlier to prepare for work, but instead of carving a little time to pray, I carve some for my phone. I feel the need to catch up on social media and have a good laugh before going to work and when time plays a fast one on me, guilt fills me up. “I should have prayed with this time”, I say with regrets.

But my guilt doesn’t last as I immediately take advantage of Psalm 139, the fact that he knows me so well and sees the intentions of my heart. Since he is abreast, should he be offended?

Guilt And Request

To the one who doesn’t pray often, maybe you are like me too who gets tired of calling on him only when you are in trouble.

We were best of friends while I sought desperately for a job. It was fun, he always told me what to do and my obedience moved like the speed of the wind. Alas, a job came, I had a decent thanksgiving and I sowed a seed that seemed like I was paying him off for his service I won’t be needing anymore. 

Like a cyclone, work activities engulfed my heart so far apart from his. He always tried to reach out, it was either I missed his calls or I take them, telling him to call back later or saying I’ll reach out to him during my spare time. But I never do.

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Now there is trouble in paradise. My job is on the line but my kneels are ashamed to kneel.

I feel ashamed. I am an opportunist, I keep taking advantage of the fact that he is slow to complaints or anger. I can’t pray to him because of the shame.

If he takes my job away, do I deserve it? Will I go back to serve him or be so polluted with hate? I feel so guilty but it fades away slowly as I remember the fact that he doesn’t count our sins against us (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) and so I kneel. But for how long will I keep living this way? How long will I keep hurting him?

Mood Swings And Prayer

To the one who prays only when you are excited or in the mood, we are on the same page too. I am bipolar and that means episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs. That’s me.

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Just like I talk to people when I am excited, I put God in that category too. “He should understand I am not in the mood”, I often say. “If he really wants me to talk with him then he should put me in the mood, after all, he is God“… I challenge.

Just like I don’t know how to talk to friends when I am “not in the mood“, I do the same to him too and I expect that he understands. If he is a friend like we’ve been made to believe, should he be angry? 

Read: ‘Falling Christians’… They Had No Stand!

I am selfish. I expect us to play by friendship on my own terms and this means no matter how long we stay without talking he should understand. And when we eventually talk, there should be no guilt trips.

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What if he makes me dumb or sad forever? Will his actions be justified? As usual, I shove off the guilt the moment I reminisce on Deuteronomy 31:6 which says that he will never leave me nor forsake me. It gives me every right to feel away for as long as I can because I know he will always be there.

Dear God

Dear God, I want to be better at serving you. I try but I falter. I realize I get it twisted, I feel that to serve you so much then you have to give me so much too. We are many on this page who cannot serve you without expecting something in return. And also know very much to call on you only when we are in trouble.

Read: Do You Believe In Destiny Or Multiple Storylines?

I want to serve you with no strings attached, I want to serve you come rain, come shine. I want to serve you in my tired times. I hope I can. I pray I can. 

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But I want to know something, for all the times that I serve you below excellence and with hiccups, do you at least hear me?

To the one who used to not pray often but conquered it, how did you conquer the excuses? how are you not able to take advantage of his love and promises? How do you live above these frivolities and more?