Growing up in Surulere, Lagos Nigeria, was one of the best things that happened to me. You know the popular saying “if you no fit wise for Lagos, you no fit wise anywhere” right? residents of Surulere have their own version which says, “if you no Ja for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life.” In plain English, it means If you don’t get wise living in Surulere, no other location can make you wise.
Living in surulere, you are exposed to a lot of things that will either make or break you and that includes sex at a young age. My first sex experience was almost at age fifteen, it was not how I envisioned it to be though. I imagined it would be after a candlelight dinner, roses on the floor and on the bed with soft slow music like I usually read in the many romantic novels my eldest sister owned (I always read them without her knowledge). To make it worse, my first sex wasn’t with the love of my life, it was more of me trying to act out what I watched in a pornographic film.
Growing up I had a thing for older women and then living in a ‘face me I face you’ compound or ‘face me I slap you’ (whichever name you are familiar with), I had a lot of big aunties in my compound that I fancied and imagined sticking my penis in them. Crazy right? I was exposed to porn at a young age by a fellow kid in my compound who had stumbled on it from a Chip and Dale cartoon videotape his dad had bought for them. Poor dad, he had no idea such was on the tape because you had to wait about five minutes after the cartoon had ended for the porn to start playing.
Now to the big gist lol. My first sex happened after my Junior WAEC, spending a lot of time at home doing nothing, an idle mind was no doubt going to be the devil’s workshop. She was always home alone too because she wrote the exams as well. She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched. I usually sent her love notes indicating I wanted sex and somewhere at the back of my mind praying deep within that she doesn’t show her parents. Also to push my desires further, I would buy her agoyin and agege bread (local made beans and bread) every morning with my pocket money and finally one day she agreed.
In my wildest imagination, I never pictured my first sex was going to happen inside a public bathroom but it was the safest because both our apartments were not safe, anyone could badge in at any time. I remember I had to go in through the bathroom window that had burglary proof. Guess what, they lived upstairs and we stayed downstairs, meaning I had to climb the iron that housed the water tank but was close to the bathroom window. Thinking of it now, I still don’t know how I managed to pull that off.
I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her. Luckily for me, it was not her first time so she was always guiding me, also I think the videos helped a little. A lot changed about me afterwards, psychologically it made me start feeling and acting more mature than my age. I stopped doing what my age mates were doing and always wanted to be in the loop of every senior joke… after all what have they done that I haven’t? Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex.
My relationship with her after the first sex improved a lot, I was always looking forward to the next time as she became a means for me to practice everything I watched or read about sex. In fact, it became a routine (twice every day), immediately everyone had left the compound to work and before everyone came back from work or school. Our relationship got bad when she started getting clingy and wanted me to let everyone know I was her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her I had already moved up a league, and she was my side chick, in my tiny mind oh…so I ran for my life.
During my university days, there were times I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls (don’t judge me oh) but I have slowed down now. Looking back, I have a different view and I think the sex thing is just so overrated, most especially in Nigeria. Don’t say because I have had my own fair share now I am saying it is overrated oh, but if you look closely you will see it is.
My candid advice to virgins out there would be to stay virgins until they are very sure and want to give it up to the right person. Spoiler alert! you always end up giving it to the wrong person LOL. Remain a virgin because it is easier to abstain from sex when you are still one than when you are not, trust me konji na bastard, in plain terms I mean sexual urge can make you go crazy. If you try all the ‘I am going celibate’ yarns and you don’t have Christ in you, no principles, and still consume substances that spike the desire for sex, like alcohol and late-night romantic movies, or movies with plenty sex scenes, my dear your celibacy race will only last at most six months or maybe eight before you become the ‘knacker’ or the ‘knackee’ again.
Different people have different reasons why they always want to go celibate, as for me, I don’t want to and don’t plan to. I don’t even put the word in my head, because putting the word in your head will end up putting you under pressure. If I want to abstain, I abstain.
I am currently in a committed relationship and we are sexually active. Sex is good for the body and the mind when done the right way and without any pressure from either party. Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship. So it is better not to lose your virginity than saying you want to go celibate in the long run.