April 2020

6 min read

Growing up in Surulere, Lagos Nigeria, was one of the best things that happened to me. You know the popular saying “if you no fit wise for Lagos, you no fit wise anywhere” right? residents of Surulere have their own version which says, “if you no Ja for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life.” In plain English, it means If you don’t get wise living in Surulere, no other location can make you wise.

Living in surulere, you are exposed to a lot of things that will either make or break you and that includes sex at a young age. My first sex experience was almost at age fifteen, it was not how I envisioned it to be though. I imagined it would be after a candlelight dinner, roses on the floor and on the bed with soft slow music like I usually read in the many romantic novels my eldest sister owned (I always read them without her knowledge). To make it worse, my first sex wasn’t with the love of my life, it was more of me trying to act out what I watched in a pornographic film.

first sex
if you no JA for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life

Growing up I had a thing for older women and then living in a ‘face me I face you’ compound or ‘face me I slap you’ (whichever name you are familiar with), I had a lot of big aunties in my compound that I fancied and imagined sticking my penis in them. Crazy right? I was exposed to porn at a young age by a fellow kid in my compound who had stumbled on it from a Chip and Dale cartoon videotape his dad had bought for them. Poor dad, he had no idea such was on the tape because you had to wait about five minutes after the cartoon had ended for the porn to start playing.


Now to the big gist lol. My first sex happened after my Junior WAEC, spending a lot of time at home doing nothing, an idle mind was no doubt going to be the devil’s workshop. She was always home alone too because she wrote the exams as well. She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched. I usually sent her love notes indicating I wanted sex and somewhere at the back of my mind praying deep within that she doesn’t show her parents. Also to push my desires further, I would buy her agoyin and agege bread (local made beans and bread) every morning with my pocket money and finally one day she agreed.

first sex
She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched.

In my wildest imagination, I never pictured my first sex was going to happen inside a public bathroom but it was the safest because both our apartments were not safe, anyone could badge in at any time. I remember I had to go in through the bathroom window that had burglary proof. Guess what, they lived upstairs and we stayed downstairs, meaning I had to climb the iron that housed the water tank but was close to the bathroom window. Thinking of it now, I still don’t know how I managed to pull that off.

first sex
I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her.

I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her. Luckily for me, it was not her first time so she was always guiding me, also I think the videos helped a little. A lot changed about me afterwards, psychologically it made me start feeling and acting more mature than my age. I stopped doing what my age mates were doing and always wanted to be in the loop of every senior joke… after all what have they done that I haven’t? Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex.

First sex
It became a routine

My relationship with her after the first sex improved a lot, I was always looking forward to the next time as she became a means for me to practice everything I watched or read about sex. In fact, it became a routine (twice every day), immediately everyone had left the compound to work and before everyone came back from work or school. Our relationship got bad when she started getting clingy and wanted me to let everyone know I was her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her I had already moved up a league, and she was my side chick, in my tiny mind oh…so I ran for my life. 

first sex
I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls

During my university days, there were times I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls (don’t judge me oh) but I have slowed down now. Looking back, I have a different view and I think the sex thing is just so overrated, most especially in Nigeria. Don’t say because I have had my own fair share now I am saying it is overrated oh, but if you look closely you will see it is.

My candid advice to virgins out there would be to stay virgins until they are very sure and want to give it up to the right person. Spoiler alert!  you always end up giving it to the wrong person LOL. Remain a virgin because it is easier to abstain from sex when you are still one than when you are not, trust me konji na bastard, in plain terms I mean sexual urge can make you go crazy.  If you try all the ‘I am going celibate’ yarns and you don’t have Christ in you, no principles, and still consume substances that spike the desire for sex, like alcohol and late-night romantic movies, or movies with plenty sex scenes, my dear your celibacy race will only last at most six months or maybe eight before you become the ‘knacker’ or the ‘knackee’ again.

first sex
Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship.

Different people have different reasons why they always want to go celibate, as for me, I don’t want to and don’t plan to. I don’t even put the word in my head, because putting the word in your head will end up putting you under pressure. If I want to abstain, I abstain.

I am currently in a committed relationship and we are sexually active. Sex is good for the body and the mind when done the right way and without any pressure from either party. Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship. So it is better not to lose your virginity than saying you want to go celibate in the long run.


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4 min read

Every girl’s dream or should I say most is to wait until their wedding night to serve their cherry on a gold platter to that special someone for a pop. I was like most girls but my race was cut short after I stumbled upon his cute face. He had the most amazing smile and set of teeth I’ve ever seen and to crown it all, he was a senior member of the beard gang association… Oh, how I love beards!

Shortly after I gained admission into the university, I ran into Mr X, we had a lot of things in common which made our friendship kick off at a fast pace. We were inseparable and did almost everything together, including studying. He was consistent with checking up on me and always ensured I was comfortable by dropping gifts and goodies frequently. We both knew we wanted more than just basic friendship, but he had a girlfriend so it was a red flag. 

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first sex
To crown it all, he was a senior member of the beard gang association… Oh, how I love beards!

A new session began, and lord knows I couldn’t wait to set my eyes on him, I had missed him so much. Sometime during the holidays on one of our long phone conversations, he mentioned he had ended the relationship with his girlfriend, I was excited. As we kicked off the new semester he asked me out, I guess you already know what my answer was. 

Virtually every chance I got, I ensured my lips and tongue underwent a journey all over his lips, accompanied with some sexy lip bites…yes I love kissing, shoot me!!! and being a chairlady of the big boobs gang, I showed a little cleavage and skin whenever I could.

first sex
And being a chairlady of the big boobs gang, I showed a little cleavage and skin whenever I could…

For the first few weeks in the relationship, we were touring only the north region and never went down south. Although he made few attempts I always repelled his wishes mainly because of the scary stories I heard about how messy and painful first sex is. I wasn’t ready for such pain. Weeks went by until I brought myself to terms that it had to be done. O boy! I tasted the forbidden fruit and I could tell already that it was going to purge me because I was definitely going back for more. Although painful, my first sex was sweet and worth it.

First sex

I was a 19 years old girl who was deeply in love and felt it was the right time. I understood the implication of my decision. Prior to losing my virginity, I never saw myself as a jealous or insecure girlfriend but afterwards, these sides began to show. It seemed as though every girl I saw him talk to or hang out with was trying to replace me. Something in me felt like he had had the cookie and was ready to move over to the next available one. Crazy insecure thoughts right?

first sex
I was definitely going back for more. Surprisingly my first sex was sweet.

I couldn’t let him in on what my insecurities were to avoid looking desperate, God forbid anyone should perceive me that way. My insecurities built up and caused a huge dent in our relationship. I doubted every move and words he said and you know being in a relationship where one party doesn’t trust the other creates way for doom. After several attempts to make things work, we came to the conclusion of going our separate ways though we still remained friends. 

Looking back, I wouldn’t change anything even if I had the power to because every act shaped me into the lady that I am now, and truthfully I don’t think it would be fair to deprive my younger self of all the enjoyment I had. With him I had my best sexual experiences. 

first sex
After several attempts to make things work, we came to the conclusion of going our separate ways

Sex is not overrated, it is a beautiful experience and opening yourself to another being especially someone you’re deeply in love with is amazing. I used to think that I was a sex freak, and can never go celibate because whenever I was with him I can’t seem to keep my hands to myself but look at me now, I haven’t been with anyone in over seventeen months. 

If you’re still flying your V-card (still a virgin) and you’re caught between crossroads on what to do, don’t compromise for anyone whatsoever. Whatever you do should be on your own terms. 


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4 min read

My first sex was more of an abuse than an experience, 10-years-old me getting deflowered by my female cousin who I think was about 18-years-old. Looking back, I wonder how a teenager got so spoilt, perhaps she was abused too.

She always came over especially during the weekend and on one occasion, she took a liking to touch me when no one was home. I didn’t think much of it then as I always felt since she bathed me and she was older there was no reason to object. Maybe I liked it also, I can never say, but then she kept playing with my penis every time we were alone. Fortunately for her, we were always alone, as I was an only child then and my parents were never around.

first sex experience
Fortunately for her, we were always alone, as I was an only child then and my parents were never around.

One day, I was on my bed reading (one of those kid storybooks) when she came in and asked me to massage her back. I was glad to abandon my book as I was already bored, she took off her clothes in front of me and made me stare at her boobs. I was amazed at the sight so I got on her back and started rubbing her back. She turned and I had her breasts in my hands. She got me to rub them and before I knew it, she already got my penis out of my pants.

Read: Am I The Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Then she asked me to take my clothes off and lie on my back. I obeyed and she started blowing me, I had never ever felt the way I felt that day. It wasn’t comfortable, the only thing I knew my penis was for was to pee, the idea of a mouth sucking it was strange and confusing for me. After that she started fingering herself and she sat on my dick, at first I didn’t know what she was doing was called sex, it didn’t even occur to me that that moment would mar my life for a very long time.  She got on with riding me till I started crying and grumbling that my penis was hurting. She threatened that if I don’t remain quiet, she was going to slap me. She kept riding and moaning until she started shivering and collapsed on me. Afterwards, she got dressed and acted like that day never happened till today.

first sex experience
Afterwards, she got dressed and acted like that day never happened till date.

It was like a game I didn’t understand, from that moment I wasn’t the same, I kept wondering what happened. I was confused and curious to know what we did, I couldn’t ask my parents because we were not close. I didn’t know I was even dis-virgined until two years later when I watched my first porn and knew what sex really was. I got curious and wanted to experience the feeling again. I became obsessed with anything that had to do with sex. 

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I wanted to experience that feeling again with my cousin.  I was addicted to her, I would smell her panties and clothes, even if it’s just to feel myself and get hard. Unlike me, she was mean to me afterwards, she never called me up for it and kept acting like nothing happened. But I wanted her, I wanted her to ride me again, but she never wanted me again. I was obsessed with her until I was about seventeen years old.

first sex experience
Until two years later when I watched my first porn and knew what sex really was

The incident made me addicted to sex. I lost count of the number of girls I have slept with just to experience that never-ending lust and sexual urge my cousin created in me. I couldn’t have a normal relationship with girls, I didn’t have a female friend that I never wanted to sleep with, my relationships didn’t last four months as I was never satisfied with the same girl after three times of having sex with them.

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Much later in my adult life, it dawned on me that it wasn’t normal so I opted to see a counsellor. I realized the sexual abuse was what triggered my obsession with sex so I began therapy. As time went on, I got help and started living a normal life. 

first sex experience
There’s no soul connection or bond there, it isn’t two lovers meeting each other in blissful pleasure and harmony, it’s just sex.

You might think that my opinion is biased because of my experience but sex is overrated. I know a lot of styles and I’ve slept with all types of girls, so it really isn’t anything more than the penetration and cumming after minutes of pounding. There’s no soul connection or bond there, it isn’t two lovers meeting each other in blissful pleasure and harmony, it’s just sex. 

Virgins shouldn’t burst their caps or sweat their balls trying to perfect their first time, but they should just be careful with who they lose it to because we always most of the time end up getting addicted to our first partners. 


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4 min read

My first sex experience wasn’t the cliche ‘love struck’ thing neither was it passionate or sweet. It was a ‘red’ episode.

I lost my virginity at the age of seventeen to a guy way older than me. Truth be told, I actually did like him because he was nice or maybe it was all pretence. One afternoon after summer lesson I paid him a visit (a harmless visit, I thought), fast forward past the jokes and laughter, the mood became intense and the young man began to cajole me for “just the tip”. Young and naive or should I say a part of me was curious so I gave in.

Without full penetration, my hymen broke. The blood flow coupled with severe pains made me scream so much like a woman in labour. “Don’t worry, it’s better I did it at least it won’t be hard when you get to the university”, he said. No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react. 

Read: Are You On Your Period?
first sex experience
No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react.

Why did I visit? I messed up. In this part of the world where mental health is given no importance, it affected me mentally but I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. I became uncomfortable with sex talks, scared of the thought of penetration and cringed whenever I heard words like penis, dick or prick. Yuck!

My fears followed me to university, I hated guys to some extent, I could only cope in a relationship so long as sex wasn’t involved. I had sweet relationships but I usually would jump, scream, and sometimes cry whenever they asked for sex. This was how I scaled through several relationships in university.

first sex experience
Love me? but no sex!

Fast forward to life after university, waiting to serve ‘mama Nigeria’, I liked someone, he was crazier about me than I was though. He is smart, a spender(he had good money), liked to show his woman off, a good adviser, and a deep talker. No lies, I was blown away, which girl on earth wouldn’t want that kind of man?  Definitely not me. Even though at that time I was all about myself, career and tried not to make love a priority, I really liked him and he was serious about a relationship and settling down with me.

He said I was different, I made sure he knew my stance on how painful and uninteresting I saw sex and so all attempt to make love was a ‘No No’ until one fateful night after our ‘romantic beach trip’. After having so much fun, we got to the estate only to realize the entrance gate was locked so we lodged in a hotel.

Read: Personal First Time Sex Stories
first sex experience
One fateful night after our “romantic beach trip”

An unforgettable experience but he was a sweet gentleman. I knew I wasn’t ready but it just happened. I had to binge drink some alcohol to make me numb to the pains and his sweet words made me more comfortable too. “It won’t hurt, not everyone bleeds the first time”, he assured me.  The loud-soft scream I let out with my eyes shut ended the night. This was a few days after my 21st birthday. 

Sex felt overrated, I was indifferent and wondered if everything people said was true or possibly I had it with the wrong person. No, I didn’t look forward to another sexcapade but  I was in a relationship so it happened over and over. I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about. 

first sex experience
I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about.

Here’s something I figured, one could actually care and love you without sex involved, also, not every relationship should be all about sex. Although we broke up, we still keep in touch cause beyond the sex, we are both intellectuals and still discuss business and life. My childhood experience did have a grave effect on me but overcoming it is what matters. Glad I was able to meet someone who made sex worth trying again. When people ask me what age I lost my virginity, I usually say 21, because I have chosen to let that bad memory go away and stick with this beautiful one.

Sex is sacred for me. If you don’t love them, don’t sex them, especially if it’s your first time to avoid bad memories lurking. Even though I looked forward to candle lights, sweet savouring smell, roses littered in a jacuzzi for the first time, I believe it played this way for a reason. And hey, to virgins out there wondering if to try or not, make sure it’s  not because of peer pressure or empty talks.


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4 min read

A friend invited me to her church one Sunday and when it was time for offering, we all danced forward and dropped our offerings in the box. After the first offering, we had four other rounds of offerings, one category was to raise money for their new church building. I am sure this is not new to most of us especially from this part of the world. Other offering categories included children offering, Levites offering and women offering.

I was perplexed at why the pastor collected so much from the members, I felt like he was exploiting them. To my greatest surprise, the brethren who sat close to me divided N100 notes into five and split it in different envelopes. I felt like I had been duped because I put N200 in the envelopes making a total of N1000.

Read: Testifiers Are Performers

How Much Money Have Black Churches Collected From Members ...

I got home that day asking myself why I allowed myself to be exploited that way. You know that feeling when you go to the market to buy something only to get back home and confirm the price and discover the seller cheated you? That was how I felt. Then suddenly some rare question crossed my mind  “Who really owns the church- God, the pastor, or the members?”

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A lot of us stroll into church every Sunday, worship God and stroll out but we have never bothered to ask how things are run in the church. How do they fuel the generator? How do they make minor repairs in the church? How does the full-time pastor feed his family during the week? You meet the house of God well decorated, but do you bother to know what goes on behind the scenes?  Then you stroll out of the church and go to social media to tweet…“My pastor is definitely using my money to build an empire #ScrapTithing”. 

Read: Sundays, For Fashion Not Sermon
“My pastor is definitely using my money to build an empire #ScrapTithing”

I thought of two reasons why that pastor collected five offerings: 

  • The church might be a new church and things are still hard for them.
  • The members are not giving enough and the pastor decided to divide the offering for accountability purposes.

I’m not saying the pastor is right to have collected five offerings but come to think of it, a lot of church members are stingy, they want to get from God but they don’t want to give to support his cause. We forget the principle of “give and it shall be given unto you”.

The church might be a new church and things are still hard for them.

The brethren who I saw dividing N100 notes into five gave me an insight on what the majority of the members likely did. These same church members will go out and say “my pastor is duping me”. Some of you might want to argue that brethren give what they can afford but we all know the truth here. Some brethren are unapologetic leeches who want to enjoy feeding off the goodness of the church without any sympathy of giving.

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We all understand that Christ is the head of the church but what is the head without the body? As members, we are responsible for the church growth as well as the pastor. Apart from giving our widow’s mite, we should be able to give a substantial amount that will be used to develop the church.

Begin to take responsibility and contribute your own quota.

Like we often say  “I am going to my church” instead of  “I am going to my pastor’s church”, let’s act on it. Begin to take responsibility and contribute your own quota. I’m not leaving the pastors out of this. Pastors must be accountable for every dime they get. The lack of transparency of some pastors is what gives people who know nothing to blab. It is wrong to turn the church into a money-making factory where members are sucked off all they have. Let’s be guided.

6 min read

Since the outbreak of the unprecedented COVID-19 virus, the world has been in a panic frenzy. Unlike any setback the world has experienced, the virus not only affects our health but has put a cloak in the wheels of our social lifestyle. 

All over the world, close to three million people have been infected with the virus with a progressive death toll currently earmarking 184,643 deaths. While this is a cause for alarm, we find comfort in celebrating survivors or should I say champions who battled with the virus, beat it to a pulp and walked away strong.  They are the reason we have hope that one day, the virus will meet it’s waterloo.

Below is an exclusive interview with a COVID-19 survivor, Charles Ifeanyi Ojukwu, a 29-year-old actor and model. He narrates in detail his battle with the deadly virus, from the point of diagnosis to treatment and recovery. 


Q- How would you say you contracted the virus?

A- I can’t really place exactly where or how I contracted the virus but I remember visiting the airport twice during the outbreak of the virus in Nigeria. I was looking for endorsement deals to boost my modelling and acting career, so I met lots of people.


Q- While awaiting your test result up until the moment it came back positive, can you take us through the symptoms you felt and the nature of thoughts that dominated your mind? 

A- When I was taken to the isolation centre after I tested positive, it wasn’t easy for me the first two days cause I was scared of what may come next. I was always moody but after some time with the help of the wonderful doctors and nurses who encouraged me frequently that the virus was not a death sentence for me and that everything will be alright, I brightened up. Their words encouraged me to feel better about myself and before you know it, my recovery process was speeding up and I began to relate with everyone in the ward.


Q- Most people only have knowledge of the virus based on what they’ve read or heard in the news, speaking from your personal experience, kindly describe the symptoms and how it affected your physical and mental health.

A- The first symptom I had was a fever, it was very severe. Initially, I thought it was malaria, so I got some drugs which lasted for three days but instead the symptom got worse. I wasn’t getting any better. Subsequently, other symptoms followed like sore throat and shortness of breath. I had a mental breakdown, it felt my thoughts followed a zig-zag pattern, could barely think straight, all I could do was get so scared. 

COVID-19 survivor

Q- Amid battling the virus, how was life in quarantine? (procedures for medication, use of respiratory, lifestyle, meeting other patients, work ethics of the medical staff etc.)

A- The doctors and nurses always came to check on us. The nurses will give us our medications and check our body system (body temperature, heartbeat, pulse & blood pressure) to be sure that we are fine. They always did that with a smile on their face. The doctors will ask how we were feeling. Their kind gesture changed my perspective about doctors, I always thought that doctors are not friendly. They also served us good meals, at a time, I started gaining weight lol, the other patients were also wonderful, we woke up in the morning to pray together and we were always encouraging ourselves, that helped me a lot.


Q- Times where you lost hope for survival, where did you find solace? What gave you the strength to keep fighting?

A-  The doctors and the nurses were a big part of my motivation. They always encouraged me to have faith, assuring me that it will pass. Also other patients I met there really encouraged me and that gave me hope. It really helped me ease my mental distress, somehow I had this cool sensation deep inside me that I was going to beat the virus.


Q- Are there areas you wish the government will look into as regards eradicating the virus?

A- Honestly, The government has done a great job already and they are still doing more in trying to contain the virus. As at the time I left there, more wards were already in construction due to the high number of cases recorded daily. However, I really wish the government could devise a strategy or maybe a machine that can detect people with the virus on time to avoid massive spread. This will also make the virus go into extinction very fast.

Read: COVID-19, The Scare And Bright Sides Of Staying IndoorsCOVID-19 survivor
Q- Has there been any form of stigmatization since you left the quarantine centre?

A- Yes there is in fact. After testing negative twice and I returned home, my landlord called a meeting and asked me why the NCDC visited in the first place which I explained to him. Immediately I mentioned that they came to test me, everyone shifted as far as they could away from me. Not only that, I also see people pointing at me and muttering words whenever I come outside my house or go to get something. But then, I have gotten used to the system and that doesn’t bother me anymore, my main joy is that I am free from the virus.


Q- What advice would you give to Nigerians especially those who say the virus is not real?

A- Well, ignorance is why I had to test positive in the first place. I never believed that the virus was real and because of that, I was reluctant in taking precaution until the virus hit me. To all Nigerians out there, I must tell you, CORONAVIRUS IS REAL, please let’s try as much as possible to stay safe by taking precautionary measures like washing your hands regularly, wearing nose masks, staying at home, if you have to be out, stay some meters away from people especially anyone coughing or sneezing. If you feel symptoms of the virus, do well to contact the NCDC. Also lets endeavour to be our brother’s keeper. If you know someone who is having symptoms of the virus, encourage the person to contact the NCDC. You are not only saving yourself when you do that but saving more people’s life. I believe if we can do all these, soon, we will all get back to our normal lives.

Read: COVID 19- Is Wisdom No Longer Profitable To Direct?COVID-19 survivor
Q- Having a close shave with death, has life been simplified for you? What are some of the vital lessons you learnt and what will you do differently going forward?

A- Yes, Yes and Yes again. Battling with coronavirus really humbled me, in fact, I have a different perspective on life now. Seeing that the patients in the ward were a blend of different classes of people in the society, It made me realize that everyone is equal in the sight of God and we should always treat anyone we see out there as our brothers and sisters no matter the level we find them. Also, information is key, we should always weigh whatever we hear, get the real facts and then draw our conclusions. For me, I now examine every information that comes to me because knowledge is power. Going forward, I have serious plans of reaching out to the poor in the society in my own little way. These people are also human, I have a great passion to put a smile on their face and I pray God gives me the resources and strength to achieve this.


Note: It wasn’t easy for Ojukwu to tell his story due to many triggers surrounding it, but here you are, reading it. I hope you learn something. If you are one of those doubting the existence of the virus, remember to be forewarned is forearmed. Be kind to leave him some words of encouragement.

3 min read

Blum House ‘Fantasy Island’ tells a story about five people who are lucky guests on an Island “where any and everything is possible“. An island where wishes although come true, turns into prison or nightmare. The film follows each individual’s fantasy, revealing the psyche of each character; their personal battles and demons, the road they wish they took as things slowly get out of control.

The pace of the movie is excellent, as it gives the viewers a walk through each character’s personality and journey without the need for a long back story. The fantasy begins soon after the characters settle in and not long after, so does the chaos.

Read: The Mask Of Civility

Watching ‘Fantasy Island’, I had summarized the outcome of the movie, as I do with most horror, thriller or suspense movies for fun, but the writers, Jeff Wadlow, Chris Roach and Jillian Jacobs, throw in beautiful curve balls and plot twists as if prepared for cynics like me.

Fantasy Island' Trailer: Blumhouse Remakes Classic Show as Horror ...

Frankly, I was skeptic about watching the horror thriller film because of the impression I got from Jason Blum’s previous production ‘Us’. Not to take anything away from the cast who did very well,  and also the final revelation of the main character (Adelaide Wilson) played by Lupita Nyong’o. But as part of the twist included the whole town rather than just Adelaide’s family, it lost the very beautiful direction the story was taking. Sorry for deviating, I just had to chip in the comparison to emphasize how impressed I am with Jason Blum on this one. 

Read: A Mask On Our Stupid

fantasy island on muttering minds

I tip my hat to the cast, especially Michael Peña who plays Mr Roarke, the curator/owner of the fantasy island. For someone who is no stranger to comedy, he does very well in shifting personality and delivery in executing a man who’s dream and ambition comes at a cost and so he lives burdened with his choices.

Fantasy Island review on muttering minds

The movie passes an age-old school of thought, “The grass is greener on the other side”. People always feel dissatisfied with their reality. Always wishing for more and because of the beauty of imagination, we actually become discontent with reality, only to realize we have to make the best out of what we have. It also tolls forgiveness and acceptance.

muttering minds fantasy island review

‘Fantasy Island’ is a thrilling movie for fans of the horror/ thriller genre. After watching the movie I asked myself, “If wishes became horses for real, will I actually ride?” I don’t think so. I will leave you with a quote from the beautiful song in the end by Jared Lee “Don’t wish your life away” that captures the essence of the movie.

“There’s a fine line between what we want and what we need…Don’t wish your life away…Don’t live for yesterday”.



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4 min read

My first sex experience was remarkable. Everything I expected and more.

Some backstory. For the longest time, I thought there was something “wrong” with me sexually. I couldn’t masturbate. I was terrified of sex and extremely scared of penises. I was convinced I’d never have sex.

Fast forward to my (ex) boyfriend. I told him this when we were friends, he was very understanding. Once we started dating, he assured me we could do as much or as little as I was comfortable with. We started off slow, spending a month and a half getting familiar with our bodies and what made us tick.

first sex experience
Something just told us today was the day.

No one was home. We were getting ready to leave for dinner (it was a surprise for his birthday). Something just told us today was the day. I was filled with anticipation as he double-checked that the condom was in place. I was so excited. He held my hand and asked me if I was sure about this. It was his first time too. I assured him I was more than sure.

And honest to God, as cliche and cheesy as this is, it was “magical.” I didn’t feel any pain. Just pure pleasure. He was gentle in all the right ways and not so gentle at all the right times. My boyfriend had been in love with me for a while but I just “liked” him. But something inside me changed. It felt as if we were now connected by body and soul, cheesy as FUCK, I know. I was filled with so much love for him at that moment. We both felt it. In the middle of it all, I declared “I love you.”

First sex experience
And honest to God, as cliche and cheesy as this is, it was “magical.” I didn’t feel any pain. Just pure pleasure.

We lasted a while. We were late for dinner. His friends knew what was up, it was written all over our faces. My feelings of love didn’t disappear once it was over. It was one of the best moments of my life. Although he’s no longer in my life, I will continue to cherish it.


First Sex Experience Series:

Whether you’ve had a lot of sex experiences or none at all, two things are certain: If you’ve had sex, you can never forget your first experience even though as time goes on it might become tiny fragments in your imagination. And if you haven’t had sex, you are most times likely to catch yourself picturing how the first time will be. 

There are several facts and myths surrounding having sex for the first time, it varies per gender.

An Approved List of Things That Can Go Into Your Vagina – SheKnows

For Females:
  • Compulsory pain and bleeding.
  • Becoming clingy to their first sex partner.
  • Body changes.
  • Feeling of regret or remorse (especially depending on circumstances surrounding).
For Males:
  • Overt excitement.
  • Ego boost.
  • Increase in penis size.
  • Looking forward to more sex adventure


First-Time Sex: 20 Questions About Losing Your Virginity, Answered ...

While these are based on collective generalizations, a lot of virgins are unsure about what to expect. Losing one’s virginity is a unique experience, despite prior knowledge about sex and daydreams, you cannot be certain it will match your expectations or fall short except you try. 

You’re probably wondering why I’m all about sex today right? Well to wrap up the month of April starting from the 27th up until May 4th, 2020, we’ll be sharing stories about our first sex experience (#FirstSexExperienceSeries).

First sex experience

Why are we doing this? Asides from the fact that curiosity makes us drawn to the untold stories of people, sex ranks among the shyest topics. People avoid it especially their first experience. So I thought, why not give people a platform to talk about their first sex experience with the sole purpose of narrating it in a didactic way. There’s a lot to learn.

Sex means different things to a lot of people. To some it is the best kind of intimacy/ bonding with their significant other, to some it is a sacred act, to some it is only a duty and to some, for mere pleasure. I don’t know how true it is but I read somewhere that whatever sex means to a person goes a long way in defining who they really are. Also, what it means to an individual could change as they experience life.

Did You Miss Our First Series? Click Here

7 Naughty Ways to Surprise Your Man in Bed | CafeMom

How was your first sex experience? Is it worth learning from no matter the circumstances surrounding it? Is it one you’ll love to share? If yes, the following are vital questions your story should provide answers to if they must be featured.

  • At what age did you lose your virginity?
  • Would you say it was the right time or due to pressure?
  • Did the experience meet your expectations?
  • How did you feel afterwards? (body changes, psychologically, socially)
  • Did it make your relationship better or worse? More intimate/clingy?
  • Were there any regrets?
  • Did you look forward to a second time?
  • What does sex mean to you?
  • Is sex is overrated?
  • What advice would you give to virgins?

It is important that you stay truthful in telling your story, you never know who is learning. All stories should be sent using the ‘Submit Story’ page. If you wish to remain anonymous, kindly indicate in your story. Thank you for your willingness in advance, I can’t wait!


First Sex Experience Story source- Dana Koussa on


3 min read

I’ve seen atheists effortlessly defend the notion that there is no God. I’ve seen the zeal in their eyes when they say “I know there is a supreme being but it’s definitely not someone sitting in the sky”. How about you dear Christians? To what extent can you brag that God exists?

A lot of ‘Christians’ become speechless especially on social media when it is necessary to defend what they believe in, they stay under the guise that “you cannot defend God”. I know you cannot defend God but you can defend what you believe. It is important to note that most atheists were once ‘strong’ Christians or would I say believers who after much trying stumbled upon several reasons to stop believing in the existence of what they often call an ‘abstract’ being. Their belief system changed.

Read: When God Takes A Nap

The 5 C's of Preaching

I remember a movie I saw in 2014 titled ‘God’s not dead’ by Micheal Scott. Josh Wheaton, a Christian, enrolled in a philosophy class taught by Professor Joffrey Radisson, a staunch atheist. The professor required everyone to write on a plain sheet that “God is dead”, that was the only way to pass that class. Josh refuses and the Professor challenged him to a debate to prove the existence of God.

It would have been easy as a believer to walk away from that class and say “lead us not into temptation” or “I cannot defend God” but Josh saw that over 200 students were going to deny the existence of God so they can pass the course. It is also easy to confess that God is dead then go home to ask God for forgiveness, at least he’s a merciful father. But Josh knew what he believed in and was ready to defend it even when failure was staring at him in his face.

Read: A Miracle Or By Force?

It would have also been easy to leave the class after Josh’s girlfriend, Kara had to break up with him over his madness but there was a bigger picture. Josh went back home to soak himself into an intense study of the word, searching and asking questions. Although the professor was able to counter all of Josh’s points in the first two rounds of debates, in the final debate, Josh was able to prove not just to the professor but also to the whole class that there is a God.

A lot of so called ‘believers’ find it difficult to speak about their beliefs because they only know the God of the Bible, they don’t know God for themselves. When there is a little counter opinion to what they know, they are easily swayed by it and then they resolve to make statements like  “he’s God, he can defend himself” or “I wont be caught arguing for God” or worse still they shut you up and warn you not to question what you can’t understand. Was it not the same God that gave us brains to think?

A lot of believers find it difficult to speak about their beliefs because they only know the God of the Bible, they don’t know God for themselves

As believers, it is important to soak yourself in intense study of the word. It is important to also search far and wide so as to encounter him because a day will come when your faith will be tested just like Jesus in the wilderness and God help you not to fall flat on your face. You don’t defend God but you defend what you believe. Imagine how many souls would have been lost if Josh behaved as you do and didn’t stand up for God. The professor would have polluted the mind of the other students and there would have been no revival.

Your voice as a believer can bring revival to the soul of many, quit being a Sunday Christian alone because a time will come when your gold will be put into the fire. In this lockdown, begin to seek the Lord for yourself so that he can reveal dimensions of his glory to you. Stop being a quiet Christain! Feed yourself with his words! Be defensive for Christ if you have to.


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5 min read

While a good number of people hold dearly the factors that define ‘marriage’, which include commitment, growth and staying faithful to the ‘for better or worse’ oath, there is a rigid percentage who hold that marriage should have an expiry date because of the mystery that accompanies change.

The grouping above was influenced by a now-viral tweet which held that “One day, you’ll meet someone who’s more fascinating than your partner, get ready to fight your own self and be content with what you have.”

What’s your biggest fear when it comes to marriage?

“Scary stuff. Marriage is supposed to have an expiry date sha. Just because of situations like this. People evolve and so do their alignments. People also outgrow people. What happens when you outgrow your spouse”… Here! a response to the tweet which stood out for me and got me thinking. 

As a single lady, my biggest fear is finding ‘The One’, walking down the aisle and afterwards my marriage metamorphoses into something I cannot recognize. I perfectly understand the angle both tweeps are leveraging on,  and I’ll break it down in the best way I feel and then leave you to state yours. Fine right?

When it metamorphoses into something you cannot recognize

When Distraction Threatens ‘I DO’

Distractions don’t always look like distractions until they distract you. It is like someone who’s starting to get addicted to a drug, and when you hint them of their excessive use, they maintain they are in control and before you know it, it becomes too late to get out. 

Asides from the perks that come with marriage, it is a union wherein both parties come to an agreement to stay committed, disciplined, and content come what may. Anyone can easily say that they would stay content and fight the urge to misbehave in their marriage but can they really? 

The 'Distracted Boyfriend' Meme Photographer Explains All | WIRED

She is not in the league of the models in the magazine you’ll normally picture whenever you wank, yet you put a ring on it. He is not as intellectual as the men you met before him who equally had some captivating six-packs, yet you said ‘I do’. The irony of specs. So what happens after you are married and you finally come in contact with the model in the magazine and she’s willing to take you on an adventure? To put an icing on the cake, her show of intelligence gets you, she loves your kind of music and seems to get you without having to explain so much, unlike your wife who’s seemingly ‘nagging’. 

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?

From spending a lot of time with the sexy six-packed gentleman at work, you deviate to having more personal talks like telling him things your husband does that you don’t like. Gradually, you are sinking, from work hours it extends to before bedtime conversations and as mischief loves to play, your husband is caught up in some cosy chats with his fantasy turned reality model.

As mischief loves to play

At this point, denial sets in.  You know full well what’s happening but you think you can handle it. You see, it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. We are all made of strengths and deficiencies, walking down the aisle does not erase our deficiencies nor does it wield our strength. Be good friends with your spouse. Good friends communicate about everything and anything no matter how silly. If the gentleman keeps calling you after work hours, discuss it! Like the way you tell that fantasy model about different sex styles you relish, let your wife know.

Read The Communication Mistakes Almost Every Couple Makes

Exchanging marital vows is not a repellant to distraction. Distractions are bound to happen, and when it does, two things are involved, it either brings the couple closer, so they can work on the defects in their marriage or it brings an end to the chapter of that marriage.  You will always find someone more fascinating than your spouse, financially, physically or mentally. If you communicate often and truthfully with your spouse, there should be no cause for alarm. 

Communication is key. Be willing

An Expiry Date?

Except for contract marriages, I don’t think anyone who is head over heels in love with their partner would go into marriage with the notion that after several years, it should expire. A lot of people say marriage is scary because they fear ‘change’. 

You see, all things are transitory, likewise human beings. Change is good but equally scary especially when it is not in our favour (especially in a case where the other party is taking giant steps and keeping up becomes exhausting). If you woke up one morning to see that your spouse has altered in behaviour, what measures will you take? Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight, change is like an army of ants trying to build an anthill, little by little, the worker ants dig the subterranean tunnels and in no time it materializes. Suddenly you’re wondering how it came to be. Sometimes even the person who is accused of change doesn’t even know they have changed. Now, this is a topic for another day.

For better and forever!

Like you are not the same person 10 years ago, your partner is not too; marriage does not stop you from changing. It is very possible for partners to outgrow each other, could be financially, sexually, career-wise, preferences or even spiritually. For instance, If presently, you love to have coffee and bread every morning with your wife, chances are that one party will fall out of love for it faster than the other. This shows that even in the tiniest ways, partners can outgrow each other. 

It is impossible but equally tameable to outgrow one’s partner, it doesn’t mean the marriage should come to an end. If there is active listening, communication and love, then marriage should not have an expiry date. 

Don’t you admire loving even when you are old and grey?

If after all these you feel marriage should have an expiry date then the ball is in your court. But I hope it’s not for the sake of starting all over with someone new, that will be some ugly big joke on you because change will always play its role. Here’s what my friend Toyosi said, “irrespective of the fact that some of us had a very strict upbringing and stern parents, we still haven’t tossed them away, rather every year we celebrate them and sing their praises on different social media platforms, we should apply the same to our partners.”

Single or dating? Married or divorced? Let’s talk. How do you handle a distraction? As for marriages having expiry dates, would you say I trashed the topic? 


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