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May 2020

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4 min read

“We can’t afford to wait for the world to be equal to start feeling seen. You’ve got to find the tools within yourself to feel visible, and to be heard and to use your voice”Michelle Obama

First, I will like to say I love love love love  Michelle Obama and I am so disappointed in myself for being an avid reader and haven’t read the novel, ‘Becoming’. Hopping on that now and will probably be sharing a review on that with you Mutterers soon.

So about the showpiece documentary, ‘Becoming’… can I say I love it for the umpteenth time? Because that’s what it is. The Netflix documentary follows meticulously the far-reaching facets of Michelle Obama’s life with a momentous reference to her experience as the first African-American First Lady of the United States. Michelle from her awe-inspiring point of view lets us in intimately on her past, present, and the lofty bits expected from her near future. 

You know the rules, ‘Lessons’ over ‘Spoilers’, so shall we… Below are some key areas alongside their fundamentals I picked up from watching Michelle Obama for 89 minutes. You’ll be amazed.

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Religion – God first! If you’ve watched ‘Becoming’, it will be hard to not observe that Michelle is not one to shy away from her religious beliefs despite the persistent torment from the press and unhealthy public opinion. It is hard to find someone occupying a position of such magnitude unapologetic about their belief. I am even more impressed at the very first scene of the movie which shows her listening to “A God Like You” by Kirk Franklin, she made it clear that’s how she begins her day. 

Becoming on Netflix - Soundtrack for Michelle Obama's Documentary

Family – Family is everything and it goes beyond blood ties. Asides from having to love and be there for her husband Barack Obama and her two girls Malia and Sasha, Michelle became a family model to her staff. I admire the bond between herself and Melissa Winter, her Chief-Of-Staff. How many staff today can boast of working with their boss for five years without any resentments? But Winter still works with Michelle for over twelve progressive years, Likewise Jin Allen who has been overseeing security for about the same number of years. And then we see the out-pour of emotions from her staff as she departs the White House…It’s all love and hearty cheers working with Michelle. 

Becoming review
Melissa Winter and Michelle Obama

Being Perfect – You fist bump with your husband and it is considered a secret terrorist handshake? Seriously?! Why would someone even think of that? Being the first lady, Michelle was faced with the burden of perfection. At every point, she always had to present herself as perfect because the press like Big Brother, was always watching. It was exhausting. ‘Becoming’ focuses on her overcoming perfection and clinging to the beauty of being herself. I guess this is why she has so many fans. In the eyes of the public, you can never always get it right. 

Becoming review
Being the first lady, Michelle was faced with the burden of perfection.

Fashion – Yasssss! As a fashion blogger, I can’t help but say that a clothing collection should be named after Michelle. Trust me, her fashion sense is one you cannot be oblivious to. From the perfectly manicured nails to the classy dresses and pants not to talk of the shoes. Oh, the shoes! Everything about Michelle just screams CLASS! No wonder her stylist had to mention she is no minimalist.

becoming review
Everything about Michelle just screams CLASS!

Life After The White House – Even after her departure from the white house, Michelle has continued to be a role model. She still maintains her stance on women empowerment, especially to the younger generation. We could see in the documentary that the basis of her tour is Inspiring, uplifting, and motivating young girls and women.

becoming documentary
Michelle has continued to be a role model.

Becoming is one of the best autobiography films I have watched. I love its originality especially its use of emotions in relaying the progress of Michelle’s life. How she started from a small apartment to working her way through Princeton and Harvard, to marrying Barack Obama and ending up in the White House to become the most loved and controversial first lady is an enlightening transition.  And even after? She still sings back to my core. 

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becoming documentary
Obama’s

If you’ve seen ‘Becoming’ please share your thoughts with me in the comment section. And if you haven’t, feel free to gosh over the reasons you love Michelle Obama. 

 

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6 min read

Reading the Bizarre Experience story on Saturday, I thought to share mine. Mine although bizarre became a break in the clouds in the end.

One of my key prayer points in the university was to not fall victim of the sexual advances by lecturers. Thanks be unto God for not blessing me with ‘Overload’ (sure you know what I mean), it was easy for me not to be on their radar. You know what they say about old men liking it full, so I wasn’t even close to the centre of their eyes. 

sexual advances
One of my key prayer points in the university was to not fall prey for the moral degrading ‘sex for grades’ stunt by lecturers.

The year for Industrial Training came and I was super excited. I spent about a month going from one company to the other searching for a place, it was frustrating. I got to this particular company (name withheld) and the receptionist didn’t even let me sit,  “There is no vacancy for I.T students”, she yelled at me. This was the 5th company I was trying, I begged her and she literally called security to see me out, I cried o. Imagine scenes I watch in movies becoming my reality, not fair!

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A week later, my neighbor gave me the contact of a lady who is a staff member of that same company. I  was so excited and went there the next day. You needed to see the amount of fury that expelled from the receptionist’s eyes the moment she saw me. I ignored her and went in with the staff I had contacted who then interviewed me and took me to the CEO’s office. 

Read: If You See Me Liking A girl, Shoot Me
sexual advances
“Good morning sir”, my mousy nervous self reached out to exchange pleasantries

Typically CEO looking, a black pot-bellied man whose age dilly-dallied around the late 60s. Let’s call him Robin. “Good morning sir”, my mousy nervous self reached out to exchange pleasantries just about the same time my ‘connect’ did the introduction. Afterward, she left us alone for further introduction.

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Robin and I sat opposite each other, there was a huge conference table separating us. Skirt slightly below my Knee, high neck blouse, flat shoes, full stop earrings, and everything modest was all intertwined with my small body. He appeared more interested in pressing his phone than listening to my answer to the “tell me about yourself” question he asked. Regardless I went on narrating.

Read: 5 Reasons To Avoid An Office Romance
sexual advances
He stood up, walked towards the window, looked outside, and asked me to come to join him.

About fifteen minutes into his assessment, he stood up, walked towards the window, looked outside, and asked me to come to join him. I obliged, went, and stood beside him while maintaining a fair distance. Before I knew it, Robin grabbed my waist with his left hand and his right hand began surfing my blouse, trying to grab my small breast. I froze. My brain went blank. Whatever he was saying then, I wasn’t listening. His left hand was about going to my second boobs and that was when I finally moved. “me! How!”… I exclaimed in my mind. 

I couldn’t look at him but I heard him laugh and describe how sweet and innocent I looked like a child. I was disgusted, I wanted to run. “You can resume immediately”, he said with so much effrontery and then he gave me transport fare. Yeah, I collected it. I dragged my feet to the bus stop. My heart was heavy, I wanted to scream, imagine me with my small body. I got home, went straight to my room, and cried myself to sleep. I contemplated going back, I prayed, motivated myself, and finally said ‘WELCOME TO THE WORLD BABY GIRL, THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT’. 

sexual advances
The ball was in my court

I resumed and became Robin’s errand girl, which of course came with some side attractions like free lunch, t-fare, and ‘keep the change’ syndrome. Yes, he tried again but I was in control. I think he was just mostly into breasts or probably because he knew I was a virgin. I avoided him like a plague, I gave him one excuse or the other, good thing he wasn’t always around. And then came a sully crown of ‘see finish’, I became rude to him and he kept his distance till my internship was over.

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Fast forward six months after graduation, Robin rang my phone out of the blues. “My lost wife, you should be done with school by now. What are you doing at home? eating mummy’s food? Get your ass to my office.” It was at this point I knew I needed some confiding. I talked to my sister and my close friend and they assured me it was okay. The moment he set his eyes on me, he hugged me so tight but didn’t try anything stupid. I told him I was awaiting NYSC and he said I should start working for him while I wait. 

sexual advances
His sexual pressure increased, according to him, I couldn’t possibly be a virgin anymore.

Robin placed me in a male-dominated department which wasn’t so cool with me but he assured me I was going to do better there. His sexual advances increased, according to him, I couldn’t possibly be a virgin anymore. I kept resisting. I did everything to push him away and after working with him for four months, he couldn’t handle me denying him my body anymore, one day he finally summoned the guts and told me not to return.

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Looking back, Robin was a blessing in disguise. With the skill I acquired there, I was able to get a better job. You’re probably wondering why I am sharing this right? Many girls if made to walk in my shoes, would have become bitter the moment Robin told them to leave and before you know it, they come out to dent his career with a sex scandal. Not to support sexual abuse but a lot of times when I hear a lady call out a man for taking advantage of her sexually, a part of me asks… “Are you coming out to say this because he stopped the milk flow?” “How about the good old days you benefited from his goodwill? Don’t the press deserve to know that part too?” 

sexual advances
There is the truth, and also the part where we filter the truth so that it’s bitter taste does not clog our taste buds.

Right now, I’ve got a skill I didn’t learn in school and it’s paying well. I’m glad I did not let my experience get the better of me. I love to believe I was smart in my dealings and played my cards well. Not disputing that it could have been worse for someone else but sometimes what we hear people narrate is not what really transpired. For every story we narrate, there is the truth, and also the part where we filter the truth so that it’s bitter side does not clog our taste buds.

 

3 min read

I have noticed people open up more about certain experiences when someone talks about theirs first… so I am going to recall an experience that got me stopped dead in tracks; so shocked and mum! You probably might have gone through something similar or have felt how I felt in an entirely different scenario.

It is a very short story. I have only told one person about it and maybe telling more people could be a good thing.  It was during my first year in school, I was staying with my elder brother in the same house at Mushin, Lagos Nigeria. One particular night about some minutes past eight, I went out to get bread for dinner. I stepped out of the gate and was about to cross to the other side of the street but a bike was approaching in my direction so I decided to wait until it passed.

Read Dead Gaze! “Stop Staring At My Boobs”

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The bike man approached with so much speed where I stood, reached out with one hand and gave my boobs a tough squeeze, and then continued speeding. I was shocked. He turned back and stared at me with a grin stoked up with mischief. ”You are mad!”… this was the best thing my weak voice could say.

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I was really affected, I bought bread, and went home but I couldn’t eat because my appetite was long gone. I felt dirty and angry. I had already showered before I left home but I went back to the bathroom and spent close to ten minutes washing and scrubbing my body. The scene would not leave my head, it kept replaying over and over. I felt stupid for how I handled it. I should have pulled him off the bike. I should have thrown more insults at him. I should have picked up a stone or something… so many instances of what I could have done but what a shame, I did none of it.

Experience
I went back to the bathroom and spent close to 10 minutes washing and scrubbing my body.

My brother came back from work and noticed I was dull but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I just felt dirty, like his hand made an imprint on my boobs that could never fade. It was a shitty night for me. I made a decision of giving myself a 6 pm curfew for the rest of my stay with my brother to avoid madmen roaming the street.

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It happened a long time ago and I have gotten over it.  After that another happened, I was on a bike and one other idiot on a different bike reached out to slap my butt. These two incidents made me realize some people are just plain mad and I cannot be held responsible for how stupid they are.

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experience
Some people are just plain mad and I cannot be held responsible for how stupid they are.

The funny thing is until writing this, I didn’t tell my close friends except one because of the fear of getting flogged with words. I wasn’t in the mood for the ‘If it were me’ talks and blah blah bullshit. Frankly, if I were in their shoes, I would scold whoever the same way and probably ask why the two madmen went scot-free without an injury in their left eye at least. But here we are, I did nothing. Knowing you did nothing hurts and sitting all by yourself with so many scenarios of what you could have done becomes a pang of regret that lives with you long enough.

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Like I said earlier, You probably might have gone through something similar or have felt how I felt in an entirely different scenario, how did you handle it? Are you okay now?

 

 

3 min read

Netflix’s new original movie, ‘The Half Of It’, takes a different but subtle angle on humanity’s conquest to simplify love in the eyes of teenagers who are all trying to make sense of life and also how love plays a large role in their individuality.

In the beginning, the main character, Ellie Chu (Leah Lewis) narrates and describes her life in an articulate and opinionated way. The animation in the introduction is a good touch. It shows the viewers a vague idea of what the title means and educates them with a part of mythology and then later it is revealed that she is writing an essay for her side business that involves doing her classmate’s papers in exchange of money.

As we are taken into a trip to this town, we can honestly say it is aesthetically pleasing. The normal and indifference of one’s teenage life through high school. Then there’s Paul Munsky, a character played by Daniel Diemer, a football player who glides through the social hierarchy and has his fair share of high school privilege.

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The thing about ‘The Half Of It’ is, it strays away from the usual teenage flick where there are jocks, nerds, and high school petty politics. Paul is in love with a beautiful woman Aster Flores (Alexxis Lemire), he then asks Ellie to write a letter to him. If you watch too many movies, you know well enough that these things always end up in a love triangle where one is bound to fall in love with the other, leaving the last one with a broken heart. Not this movie.

The Half of It
The letters show that Aster and Ellie share an unusual but special take on life

Although hesitant, Ellie yields. She writes the first one and then the next and then it went on. The letters show that Aster and Ellie share an unusual but special take on life; they understand each other on deeper and more intellectual levels that Paul would not get. Still, she made sure Paul would win Aster over, making an effort to teach him everything he needs to know.

This is the best part. This is an emotional journey and the way the friendship between Paul and Ellie blossoms is the great takeaway in ‘The Half of It’. She never opens up; she has this sad back-story of her mother dying and her father falling deep into dysfunctional tendencies. She is alone and unsure but Paul makes an effort to know her, to see more than what she usually shows. Their friendship is everything. A definition of love.

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The Half Of It
Their friendship is everything. A definition of not every love is a romance.

The Alice Wu direct may have given us different attempts to define it but in all, it shows us that friendship is itself a form of love. Bold strokes. I love the foreshadowing of the ending in the earlier part of the movie. Ellie and Paul are watching a scene from a film where a man is running with the train for a sad woman. Ellie thinks the man is a ‘moron’ for trying since he will never catch up the train but Paul argues that the woman is sad about it, she proceeds on saying that she is a moron too, for reasons that brought her to the position.

the half of it review
L-R; Leah Lewis, Alexxis Lemire

As Ellie leaves for college, Paul bids goodbye and runs with the train as she leaves. He is laughing and so does she, also crying. It is the biggest metaphor in the movie, how we are all morons with our own flaws and shortcomings, ending up in situations we would rather not be. Yet, we find ourselves growing, changing into better versions of who we are because of the consequences we take responsibility for. It is all the other half of it.

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If you’ve also watched  ‘The Half Of It’, I’ll like to know your opinion about the movie, please leave a comment.

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5 min read

Finally a wrap on our First Sex Experience Series. Aaaaaahhhhh!!! Drum rolls!! Belly tingling💃💃 and plenty of cheerssssss🥂….lol😁. The stories featured no doubt were a roller coaster of so many emotions ranging from pity to relief, gross grease to triggers, fragility to laughter and of course lessons. So tell me, did you learn a thing or more? 

Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet after getting an undiluted portion of people’s lives, so I’ll go first. Before I proceed I would like to especially thank those who submitted their stories. You see, penning the story is not the actual deal here but finding a balance with the courage to look back on the gory scenes ( to those who had an unpleasant first time), details, emotions and then carving a silver lining is everything. THANK YOU. Also, my sincere apologies to those who I couldn’t post their stories, the fault is on me, your stories were good enough. I undermined the turnout, I placed only a week for the series because I didn’t think many people were going to share their stories but the turnout surpassed my expectations. 

first time sex
Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet…

Now The Lessons

One of the purposes of the series was to prove if some sex myths are real, some of which I included while announcing the series. However, reading through the stories, I came to the conclusion that they are not myths but actually facts although not evident in everyone’s first time. Below are some of the things I learned;

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  • Change The Narrative:  Dealing with abuse is tough. If there is any lesson I wouldn’t miss from the first entry, “A ‘Red Episode’ Turned ‘Fairytale Romance”, is the strength shown by the writer. I admire her for taking charge of her memory, how she was able to forgo the first experience, and clinched to the better second is everything. Asides from sex, I most definitely will replicate this act going forward, choosing to see only the good and burying the bad.

first sex experience

  • Be Mindful Of Who You Keep Close: From Abuse To Addiction’ is a biting epiphany. It proves that many people molested at a tender age were either molested by relatives or close parties. I will end this by quoting what a follower on Twitter, @oshiombo_alaka said in reaction to the story “What is happening to your children when you are away from home? Are the people you entrust your children with worthy of the responsibility? The failure to promote moral uprightness will hurt every one of us. Are you willing to stand for what is right in everything around you?”

first sex experience

  • Pain, Joy… And The Clingy Bits: One story that checked some of our proposed sex myths is ‘Pleasure And Gateway To My Insecurities’. The writer having acknowledged the pain and pleasure lets us in on the aftermath of her sex experience. Despite admitting to having her first sex with someone she was heels over head in love with, she found herself getting insecure and clingy and that became the death of the relationship. It made me realize that most break-ups that occur after a girl’s first sex might not actually be because the dude got what he wanted but because insecurities and incessant fights play a vital role.

first sex experience

 

  • A Rise In Ego: hehehehehehehe… yes, I am laughing and if you followed the series you can easily figure out the culprit story. Yesssss…‘Teenage Sexventure Gone Wild’. The writer was apparently the only one who decided not to play anonymous and rather than judge him, you end of having a good laugh. He checked one of our sex myths, ‘ego boost’ for men. Most men had their ego a step ahead after laying with a woman for the first time. In Joshua’s words… “Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex…”

first sex experience

 

  • For You Or Society: ‘A Tale Of Two Rookies’ takes off the cloak on celibacy and virginity. Do you understand the importance of celibacy and keeping your virginity? Or you are one of those lost in society’s yardstick for measuring virtue. Why celibacy? What happens when you do or don’t? Everyone ought to have a meaning for themselves, not just jumping on the bandwagon.

first sex experience

 

  • Curiosity Killed The Cat: Ideally reading the title ‘Taste And See…’ one is curious to know what the writer tasted and found out. Did he taste sex to become an addict or did he taste sex to flee? You never know until you read. If you are curious to know how sex feels chances are you’ll end up regretting your first try because of the many expectations you had. 

first sex experience

 

Observations/ Suggestions

Special thanks to everyone who ensured good publicity for the series by posting daily updates via their social media handles. Despite the sensitivity surrounding the word ‘sex’ and backlash from rigid minds, some of you kept publicizing regardless. Sincerely, I’m taken by your kind gesture.  

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While the First Sex Experience Series was on, some parties who were unable to catch up asked if there was an e-book available for download. So I got thinking, should we create an e-book for the series? Perhaps it will also be a good idea to include all the stories that didn’t make it to the website. On the other hand, I feel the individuals who have their stories featured have a huge role in deciding whether or not. Please let me know your opinion in the comment section.

first sex experience
Spot the Logo on the book cover!!! Art by my beloved friend Onyinye Okechukwu. She is a video editor and a digital artist…and also a full-fledged Mutterer

Now the deal with the comment section! I’m curious to know why you read and zooooooommmmmmmm… are the articles so uninteresting and not cogitating enough for me to get your feedback? Remember it’s Muttering Minds, if you don’t comment your reservations here, where else? So shall we…? Let’s start with the lessons you learned from the sex series, One! Two! Ready! Go!

 

6 min read

When you’re a teenager and you’ve already gone first, second and almost third base, somehow you know that losing your virginity is just a matter of time. This is the story of the first time I had sex and lost my boyish innocence.

I was 17-years-old and was not in any relationship. I hadn’t a girlfriend yet, but I had come across a few girls (neighbors and school mates) who were willing to experiment. I touched breasts, caressed thighs, felt the lump in between their legs through their pants and attempted to kiss them unsuccessfully. While they in turn touched my penis through my clothes till I had a wet patch on my shorts.

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I was 17-years-old and was not in any relationship. I hadn’t a girlfriend yet, but I had…

As you become bolder, these kids become boring. And in my time, there were few teen girls who were sexually active, and I really wanted to feel what I have only imagined when reading Hints magazine and a few other novels. The writers made me believe that the moment my dick finds its way into a pussy, I would be out of this world. My imaginations were filled with how I’d thrust with the strength of a stallion and do all those things that always didn’t sound possible to me then like kissing her lips, neck, breasts and even her belly while maintaining a rhythm of thrusting into her as if that part of my body is on its own. I read in one of the stories then that girls even call out a man’s name when he’s thrusting in, I wanted that. I wanted to feel her hold me very tight and scream my name from her lungs. So I was ready.

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I wanted to feel her hold me very tight and scream my name from her lungs. So I was ready.

There’s this older girl I always got movies for, she was in her mid-twenties. She was just visiting her brother’s place and was very fond of me. So I did what I thought would stand as wooing her. I cleared my allowance, bought her favourite fruit drink for her with the latest movies from the video club. And she jokingly asked “this one you got me these, are you sure you’re not looking for something else than watching a movie with me?”. Then I asked “will you give it to me?” She laughed so hard I became embarrassed. But I didn’t run out like my mind told me to. I stayed back, to at least enjoy the movie I hired. 

Halfway into the movie, she whispered “have you ever done it with anyone before”, half excited that she knew my goal for being there…I said ” No, I have never”. She went back to the movie. At this time, I was just watching her legs from the shorts she’s wearing and imagining her breasts and how they would feel on my palms. This imagination got me hung like a horse with a hard on.

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she whispered “have you ever done it with anyone before”,

The movie finished. She got up and walked towards the door, I felt disappointed and thought “this is it, you tried”. Then I heard the door shut and bolted, I looked back and she smiled and said ” follow me”. She led me to her brother’s bedroom (it was a room and parlour), and she asked “do you have a condom?” I said Yes (excited. My friend Willi had given me a condom he always had in his wallet. He bequeathed it to me like a family heirloom, and expects to hear juicy gist.

She laid down on the bed on her back and asked me to join her. I quickly stripped off everything I was wearing including my boxers. She laughed as my dick popped up and pointed forward like a newly sharpened pencil. She was still clothed, so I started fumbling through my clothes, found the condom, and started struggling to open it. My heart was beating very fast and she came closer to me, took it from my hands, and with such precision tore it open and wore it on me with ease. It was the first time a girl touched the skin of my dick. And it felt inexplicably good.

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She came closer to me, took it from my hands, and with such precision tore it open

Then she pulled down just the short she wore along with the pants, and the images I’ve only seen the erotic photos popped up before me. She left her blouse on and was naked from the waist downwards. I quickly climbed up next to her, started positioning my dick with one hand as I went to grab her breast with the other hand, but she smacked the hand on her breast off and said “don’t touch me, just put it inside me”. I started fumbling, I didn’t know the hole. I even almost went for the anal opening. So she took my dick, guided it inside. It was a feeling that was just…wow.

I felt this new warmth over my dick first, then over my whole self and I started thrusting, hoping to make her squirm like in the stories, and even make her call my name. But as I thrust for about thirty seconds, I felt it…the rush, which only came when I masturbated, it took over me and I grunted as I felt semen oozing out of me and into…you know…lol. Then I collapsed on her, she laughed, rubbed my back and quickly said ” Oya get up, dress up and go. My brother will soon return”.

Read: What First Time Sex Is Like For Guys
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But as I thrust for about thirty seconds, I felt it…the rush, which only came when I masturbated,

I pulled out, she collected the semen filled condom, I wore my clothes, looked at her and said thank you, then left.  When I got to my house, I felt so disappointed. I just said “was this it?” sex felt too quick and sudden. I said okay, I will try again. After many rejections from her, she finally agreed again. This time I lasted longer, maybe seven minutes. I wouldn’t let myself ejaculate until she asked me to. Though she didn’t take her blouse off again (and no breasts or kissing for me)..,just thrusting with both hands on either sides of her belly.

After the second exercise, my feelings towards sex didn’t really change much, except for the bragging right that I have been with a woman. The experience didn’t come close to my imaginations, and I went on to become a celibate for the next nine years before I had sex with a smile on my face.

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The experience didn’t come close to my imaginations, and I went on to become a celibate for the next nine years before I had sex with a smile on my face.

Getting laid requires creativity.  It is so energy sapping, and for what, a few minutes of  excitement? If you’re still a virgin, I want to say kudos. Please hold on to it for as long as you can. Do everything you would as a young person before you have sex, because after you do…your drive drops and keeps dropping till you lose interest in certain goals. Here is a test to show you how much sex takes away. Go celibate for a period. You will see clearer, your energy will be top notch and your mind will be so sharp to create whatever you want to. Sex is not necessarily overrated, if anything, it is underrated. It is such a powerful thing that we take for granted to our detriment.

 

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4 min read

Prior to and during my secondary school education, I wasn’t given so much liberty, I attended a boarding school and was usually under surveillance but a girl’s got to have her way innit… I was really smart and versatile  and peculiar with many boy-girl tricks. It is safe to say no guy could pull a fast one on me. 

There was nothing like sex until I got to university at age 17. During my first year in school, I had a neighbour who I was fascinated by. You know this kind of guys who have charisma, mind their business and say little or no words to anyone yet girls trip, he is that kind. The times our paths crossed it would just be me having a glimpse of his shadow. Finally, my roommate introduced us as friends, unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

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Unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

I was young, vulnerable, feeble-minded and most importantly, finally free. I could decide what I want at any given time compared to the regimented kind of life I was familiar with. Gradually, we became close, I would ask my roommate to serve him meals whenever we cooked, I pitied him so much, sometimes I would say to myself, “poor boy that has no one, how would he cope?” As if I had anyone too..lol

While he was reserved and quite intelligent, I was the social and versatile one…As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as he wasn’t that experienced with the whole love thing. So we started a relationship that was beautiful whilst it lasted. Sex wasn’t a topic we talked about too much but we bore it in mind that it will happen at the right time when we were both ready.

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As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as…

Unplanned maybe, but it happened. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, a long burnt orange polo dress, I had made dinner for the both of us and we were having a good time. Things got a little slippery and off we went. Truly, I didn’t know what I was doing until I did it. It happened so fast…awkwardly sweet…and messy. I had to lead, I had to take charge… you know why? It was also his first sex too. I can’t really tell if I felt deep emotions, for me it was like a project that had to be executed and gotten over with. I actually wasn’t ready, I thought I was but I wasn’t.  So about the messy side…there was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time. No fun. As time went on, we transitioned into other sex styles, It took a while especially mental readiness before I started enjoying sex. 

Read: My boyfriend and I are both virgins. How do we get through our first time?
first sex
There was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time.

Not against those who say sex is not a big deal, it is their opinion after all, for me, it actually is one big deal everyone should know about at the early stage of their life. Talks, sessions, advises, etc should be offered in this regard. Do not let children pick up stories from the wrong people and term it as knowledge or experience. If you want to abstain, you need to understand the reason why you want to abstain or why you are told to do so, not just following the bandwagon. Also to parents and guardians, approach matters a lot. Whatever approach you want to use to hold your point, make sure you drill your point and explain rightly up till the root, and be sure you are well understood and not assumedly perceived. A lot of people lose their virginity because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t. As partners, if you decide to be celibate, here are questions you can ask yourselves;

  1. Why Celibacy?
  2. What happens when we do, what is our gain?
  3. What are we looking forward to?
  4. What if we don’t?
Why Should You Practice Abstinence For Sexual Celibacy? | Penile ...
Why celibacy?

These above pointers also apply to singles. People should not put themselves under the societal pressure of ‘going celibate’ or ‘keeping their virginity’ when they don’t have deep insight into the core values and heavenly blessings surrounding it. Like the bible puts it in Hosea 4:6,  “my people perish because of lack of knowledge”, I think that’s what is wrong with a lot of us. I don’t have regrets, but I wish I would have had it in a better way. I have moved from it and have learnt to make my choices wisely.

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