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June 2020

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5 min read

There is a saying that he that comes to equity, must come with clean hands. Of course, we all know that this has implications and connotative meanings in different religions. However, when relating that saying to contextual Christian explanations, one is forced to see things from the book of Matthew 7 v 1-2, which says “Judge not, so that ye may not be judged. For the same way you judge others, ye will be judged, and the measure you use will be used upon you.” This particular verse of the Bible mirrors on our imperfection, even as humans and why it is better that we do not judge others because we are by our very nature; imperfect beings too.

Unfortunately for many of us especially when reading about certain Bible characters, we forget that the characters were also humans. As expected, like the flawless humans we assume we are, we make demeaning references to these Bible characters like if put in their shoes, we are not capable of doing the exact same thing or worse.

If You Were Ananias or Sapphira

A lot of analogies in the Bible have so many people casting aspersions like they would not. Take a look at the story of Ananias and Sapphira in the book of Acts of the Apostles chapter 5 1-11; in that portion of the Bible, one would easily see that asides holding back some portion of the piece of land that they had sold, they were also keen on emulating the good act of selling their piece of land as Barnabas did. Sadly, they lied to the Holy Spirit and were struck dead.  

Read: When God Takes A Nap
Ananias
Ananias and Sapphira bible characters

Many Christians in our clime make allusions to them like they are not also guilty of what they did. The book of Malachi 3v 11 says that when we pay our tithes, He will rebuke the devourer for our sakes.  In the direct interpretation of that verse of the Bible, payment of tithes is more or less like a command for Christians, but many of us do not pay our tithes because we have some worries or more pending things to spend money on. We get it, it is not all that bad, but look at the act of not paying tithes viz a viz the wrongdoing of Ananias and Sapphira? Why do we paint these two bible characters so badly while preaching against disobedience?  The couple made a move to remit some of the money at least unlike most Christians. Ten percent of our earnings is what the Bible asked us to pay, many of us don’t pay half of that and we still have the guts to cast aspersions on them like we are completely untouchable.

 

If You Were Judas

Another example is the story of how Judas betrayed Jesus in John 18 v 1-13, for thirty pieces of silver. Many Christians often talk about how wrong an act it is that Judas did, totally unlooking the part where he showed genuine repentance. Judas was remorseful and this led him out of shame to commit suicide. The only aspect that many people see is where he betrayed Jesus; many do not see the aspect where he tried returning the money he had collected and also his shame (evidence of his genuine repentance).

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More?
bible characters Judas
Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss

Many of us Christians look the part only when it is convenient for us. Think about it, If you had to pick between a job that will pay you five million (Naira or dollars) each month or spending genuine time with God in his vineyard, which would you pick? The logical answer is the former, right? Because a job of that nature is not one that comes on a daily basis, also considering your everyday needs and the fact that you will need to sort some bills. Judas spent more time with Jesus, he was a Disciple, the only wrong he did was fall for the lust of money for a moment and he was truly sorry. Despite all of these, many of us still choose to see him in light of how he betrayed Jesus, only!

If You Were Jonah

The biblical Jonah is another one. In the book of Jonah 1 v 1-17, we are made to see how God called Jonah to tell the people of Nineveh about the imminent destruction that would befall them. If there is anything that we must know about God, it is that He gives a long rope to pull before he finally spews his wrath. This is the thinking of any human, and Jonah also had that premonition that when he goes to Nineveh to inform the people, they would repent and God wouldn’t destroy them, afterward. 

Read: What If We Are Like The Biblical Samson
bible characters jonah
Jonah was swallowed by a whale due to his disobedience

This means, his journey or stress to the city of Nineveh would end in futility. This made him run away. We all know how that story ended, but many times we think about Jonah as one of those examples of those prophets who didn’t hearken to the command of God, but the punchline is, given the exact same circumstance and our conscious understanding of the personality of God, wouldn’t we have done the exact same thing that Jonah did? Does this then give us the right to ascribe Jonah as one of those names that didn’t hearken early to the voice of God? No!

 

If You Were Abraham

In contrast to these flawed and imperfect humans from the Bible’s perspective, the story of Abraham perhaps would be the direct confrontation for many of us. In Genesis 22, God ordered Abraham to take his only son that it took him forever to have. Guess what? Abraham did that, or better put he was on the verge before God halted the mission. This makes him compliant right? You claim to be Christians, but if you are called upon God to carry out the same mission instructed to Abraham, would you?  if you are called upon to give all that you have gathered in years for a pauper or live a beggarly life for Jesus, would you?

Read: Who Owns The Church?
bible characters
He was on the verge before God halted the mission.

Would You Still Be Alive?

My conclusion is, as much as it is easy to read up the Bible as well as find our path with it, let us not forget that the Bible characters whose stories are told were also humans. They were as imperfect as we are now. The major difference between then and now is that God spoke directly to them and was quick to carry out his wrath against their disobedience. If it were the same today, would you still be alive? I’ll leave you with a reflective verse from 1 Samuel 2 v 9; it says …by strength shall no man prevail…, and so what we should pray for is the grace to be firm, rather than cast aspersion on who fell or who was upright with God. 

4 min read

“Never expect anything from your partner”, this is one of the biggest lies people, especially the aliens on social media quickly scream at your face. 

The idea of being ‘zero expectant’ in a relationship is a virus that was created by folks who were deeply hurt from a fun-ship. Those ones who have hit rock bottom in a series of failed relationships under the aegis of “I am just passing time”. Now it has become a cupid pandemic slowly destroying beautiful relationships. 

How to Deal With Disappointment in a Relationship: 14 Steps

Relating this to my experience, I fell in love with a guy who seemed supportive and was a sarcastic preacher of “don’t expect anything from whoever you are dating”. And well, because I didn’t want my boo considering me being a bother, I had to consciously carve myself a niche around the ‘miss independent’ zone of which I’m relatively grateful for. 

Fast forward to when the ship sailed>>> we were pursuing a contract that was highly profitable, we did put in collective efforts to make it a reality. Hallelujah🙌🙌,  my nigga was awarded the contract of over five million naira. The joy was contagious. Although it was his thing, it was still mine. I mean I was the loving girlfriend who held his hands throughout the storm, even before the contract pursuit. Not like I demanded any money, but there are some things only common sense can teach a man.

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?
dating
He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed.

Well, common sense became a scarce commodity. At this point, his behavior started fluctuating. He hung me in the dark for several months. Made profits of over five million naira and made all sorts of miscellaneous expenses till he was two hundred thousand naira down. This was when the scales fell from his eyes. He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed. Lamenting to me, he went on babbling on how he wished he never went silent on me, how he was hoping I’ll make relentless efforts to reach out in guiding him through on how to make investments. And how it’s all gone down the drain with nothing to hang on to but my support.  

READ: The 8 Things You Should Expect From A Relationship

Please laugh with me😂😂😂. Mind you, he said all these seeking comfort and a shoulder to cry on. “Hello bae, I don’t have shoulders anymore. I can’t find mine as I sold them in exchange for zero expectations”. This was my response and the last straw for me as I took a bow out of the relationship. Yes, that was a deal-breaker for me. And to date, I’m glad I didn’t continue in that joke of a situationship.

dating owe
Are you in a situationship?

The truth is I expected some money out of it. I deserved it! I earned it! No one can tell me otherwise. If a man expects me to be with him when the chips are down, he should be ready to feed me some french fries when the chips are up. It’s simple logic. No one should tell me he doesn’t owe me shit because hell yeah he does.

“Stop expecting anything from whoever you are dating”… yen yen yen… This is one of the lies you tell yourself. You don’t believe yourself every time you say it but then you say it regardless because you don’t want your intentions to be perceived wrongly. I get you but you see, quit the deceit. Whether you like it or not, whoever you are dating owes you. 

Read: Long Distance Relationship Is A Scam! Except…
Dating
It is not gold-digging, it is your right!

There is a reason they say that man’s love is fickle, it is who we are, or are you Jesus Christ? Asides expecting monetary gains which not everyone will get to enjoy in their relationship, whoever you are dating owes you a certain level of love, care, attention, transparency, emotions, explanation, time, and all whatnot. The moment you decide to take it to the next level with someone, best believe you owe them and they owe you too. That is why it is called ‘a relationship’. There is nothing like “we are just going with the flow”, how does that even sound? Crap right? Because it is absolute crap.

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How can I invest my love, care, attention, emotions, and in fact all of me and then you say you don’t owe me? You must be joking. Let’s stop deceiving ourselves, please. 🙄

 

 

4 min read

It has been an insufferable journey living with an abusive parent. One who thinks less about others and feels on top of the world. Was God wrong to have brought me to this world as his child? My father has been abusing me since I arrived on this earth and became aware of myself. No, not the sexual kind of abuse but a father’s hatred; emotional torment.

You know why? My sex kills him each day. He hates that I am a female child and worse off, he hates my mother even more. What more can a woman who the creator blessed with only girls as children do if the man she bore them for curses the day he walked down the aisle with her? I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused both verbally and physically. I refuse to question God in all but…

father's hatred
I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused

Where I come from, the female child is worthless. Yes! Even in this digital era, she has no right and shouldn’t be seen let alone heard. This isn’t human but unfortunately, I and my sisters carry the burden. There is something about broken parenting that messes with the mental state of a child. I am treated badly by the man whose shoulder I should be resting on and calling proudly  “FATHER”. For every time we speak, never are there kind words.

Read: Diabetes Snatched Him Away From Us

It feels so strange whenever I come across someone gushing so much sweetness about their father. I cannot relate because all I have known is a father’s hatred. I was brought up to be scared of my father, even till now as an adult, the fear eats me up that I don’t believe there are good fathers out there. If I were God, I wouldn’t have blessed him with kids but no God already gave him wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

Father's hatred
Wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

He doesn’t care about our basic needs talkless of supporting our ambition. To be frank, I wish God will just answer my silent prayers already. What do you make of a man who physically and verbally abuses his wife in front of his children? What do you think of a man who hits his children for mere things he could be calm and talk to them about? What do you think of a man who listens to outsiders other than his family?

The thought is overflowing and it breaks my heart every day. It makes me think less of life. I don’t need a soothsayer to tell me that he doesn’t wish me good in life. For every penny he spends on our tuition or whatever, he is only concerned about what he will gain. He doesn’t believe in helping a child start up something he or she wants to achieve in life. Oftentimes he will threaten to chase me and my sisters out of his house.

father's hatred
Is home really where the love is like people say?
Read: What do I do when my dad is horrible and I can’t take it anymore?

He doesn’t provide as a father should yet his paranoia drives him bonkers. He screams to the rooftop asking us where we got the money from whenever we met our needs without his aid. One thing I regret is that I am a good child. I wish I was so spoilt and rude so I could serve him a taste of his own madness. I feel I wasted my time in the university for not mixing up with a bad company, maybe I could have made enough money never to return to his house.

Is home really where the love is like people say?  What is God’s plan that I have to go through this phase in life? Living with a father’s hatred? When I was younger I used to tell myself that his bullshit won’t matter in some year’s time, but here I am, I have dealt with it long enough but still not used to it.

father's hatred
I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’

With my eyes filled with tears, I write this. I really wished he was a lovely father, I wish I can be home and have a peaceful moment. I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’ because I feel there is more to calling him that than he just assuming the tag of a father. How painful is it to have lived above 25 and still be treated like a 12-years-old?  It is painful knowing that I cannot love my father like a friend. I hate that whenever he calls me there is always the feeling of “you must have done something wrong”.

Click Here To Join Our Email Community; Naked Minds

I have no regret being a girl child because I know I will do better than even a male child. The only regret I have is not being accepted by the only man who should matter in my life. How do I deal with my father’s hatred?

4 min read

On some days, I feel like a 4-year-old. Other days, I feel like a 19-year-old and most of the time, I feel 21. I ask myself why the age factor is so important, why is it used to measure success in life? Do you get comments like “oh wow, you are so young” or “how do you think like a 30-year-old?” How about the most annoying comments like “you look 10?” or “You are only 21, why are you behaving like an old woman already?”.

Why is it that when you are doing something big or not living up to the ‘standards’, the next thing people are concerned about is how old you really are? As we age, the ‘age syndrome’ begets more validity than our individuality. Starting from within the family to the school system down to making friends, achievements, seeking a job, and the likes…“How Old Are You?” always rings a familiar bell.

Read: 5 Reasons Not to Fear Getting Older

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The honest truth is most times, I avoid telling my age or worse off including it while filling a document because there’s this bugging feeling that I do not merit the age. Every time I’m about to disclose my age, I have to do a mini-battle with my inner man… “Why don’t you lie? At least keep it three years below, that compliments your achievement”... and there I am, hesitant to disclose it. I get really pissed when people say to me “you are this age and you have achieved this” or “Wow! I can’t believe at this age you’ve never *****, when do you intend to do it?”

The school system among other units is the least to make you feel cool about your age. Imagine a twelve-year-old girl who finds herself caught in a slow educational process due to psychological incapacity or change of environment, and is made to start afresh in a new school. That alone is depressing. She gets into school and her classmates cannot phantom why someone bigger in size shares the same learning space with them. Culture shock hits! Trust the kids, name-calling like ‘mama’, ‘biggie’, ‘giant’, and various forms of degrading names becomes her new name. If she grows up to the university level and decides to conceal her age, would you blame her?

Read: Birthday Blues? Oh, Christ! I Hate Birthdays

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Sadly, there are a lot of depressed individuals out there today who feel disappointed in themselves for not ticking all the items on their list before they come to a certain age. Well, I’ve been there and sometimes still find myself stuck there and the option is to think “Oh God, I’m such a failure”.

I read a book some time ago and in that book were thirty things you should achieve in life before you turn 30. Does it mean that if I fail to achieve these things before I turn 30, I have failed as an individual? These ‘standards’ have puts  undue pressure on us to say the very least.

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There’s so much societal pressure on individuals when they begin to mirror age 20-30. You graduate from school and now you are in the race of who will make it big first and when you attend parties or get-togethers or even your school’s reunion and see your mates talking about what they have achieved and there you are thinking “what am I doing with my life?”

Read: Success! Will You Forgive You?

It is hard to find an individual really proud of their age. Only those who have achieved a deafening feat go about flaunting their age effortlessly. There’s something about achieving so much in just a little age span. It’s a somewhat supernatural feeling; it makes a person feel like they are not of this world. Demigods. Everybody loves to feel that way but unfortunately, not everyone will. Why do you think your favorite celebrities hide their age? Why do you think the media will be more obsessed with carrying the story of a 16-years-old girl who climbed Mount Everest than a thirty-year-old who did?Funny Shocked Cat Age Joke Personalised Birthday Card - The Card Zoo

I wish we knew enough to know that we are all different and it’s important to move at our individual pace. It shouldn’t matter if your mates are doing way better than you are, the only thing to not be proud of is laziness but if you are hardworking, you do your job and get your pay, there should be no need to worry about the age factor right? I wish it was as easy as I have written.

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Are you also caught in hiding your real age? Do you sometimes wish you were three years younger? Oh, wait a sec. I know some people who wish they were older, are you one of them?  Let’s discuss the ‘Age factor’ and the way forward.

6 min read

Do you ever read a passage in the bible and get slightly pissed at God? You read and you’re like “What was he thinking? This is so unfair especially coming from the ‘Big Man’ up there?” The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25: 14-30, used to be among the few passages I felt distaste for until my dear friend Taiwo Omotesho, in one of our seriously playful conversations, led me to read it again. This time, something changed.

A little backstory here. Taiwo had lead me on some career talks about how she has a lot of things she wants to venture in but for every one of them, there’s a barricade clogging the wheels of its success. For her (not until the revelation) it was a case of “If the road isn’t smooth, then I’m not even gonna try to make a little out of nothing”. Then she narrated to me how one evening she was having a sober reflection and asking God why it was like that and then he took her mind to recall the Parable of the Talents. According to her, God asked her what she has done with one of the many ideas at least. And her answer was Zilch. “So how is it that you want more?” God asked. How awakening! I knew I needed to revisit the parable again to gain a fresh understanding.

Read: When God Takes A Nap
Parable of the Talents
So how is it that you want more?

Why I Used To Be Offended

The Parable of the Talents likened the kingdom of heaven to a master traveling into a far country. Before embarking on his trip, he summons his three servants and gives them talents. He gave one five talents, another two talents, and one ‘only’ one talent. Each of them was expected to trade and make profits on his behalf.

Notice my emphasis on the word ‘only’?  Yes!  That was why I always got pissed with the parable but thankfully not anymore. I used to exercise my resentment as to why the master (who represents God in the parable) was unfair and didn’t give each servant the same amount of talent. I always asked why? Did he not like him? Maybe. 

The Parable of the Talent
The Parable of the Talent likened the kingdom of heaven to a master traveling into a far country.

The gospel of Matthew puts that when he returned from his trip, he called each servant to give an account of how the talents were utilized. The one who was given five had made an extra five (ten), the one given two, an extra two (four) but the one given one due to his dissatisfaction buried it. Back then I used to say that if I was in his shoes, I might have done worse, maybe quit the job because of the oozing partiality.

Revisiting the Parable again, asides from gaining new insight, what made it even more interesting and easy to comprehend was reading from The Living Bible translation; one of the best things to happen to my spiritual growth.

 

The Big Revelations

God Detest Idle Hands: First, I got to understand that the talents represented money and the one talent was actually $1000. If I got a thousand dollars now, will I bury it simply because it wasn’t the same amount as the rest? Hell No. I will probably get pissed and jealous but burying it is the last thing I’ll do.

“Sir, I knew you were a hard man, and I was afraid you would rob me of what I earned, so I hid your money in the earth and here it is!” (Matt 25:24-25) This was the servant’s response when he was asked to give an account.

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The master replied, “Wicked man! Lazy slave! Since you knew I would demand your profit, you should at least have put my money in the bank so I could have some interest”.(Matt 25:26)

The response of the master who represents God in the parable opened my eyes to the fact that God hates it so much when we are discontented over what he gives us and worse of lazy to use our gifts. He expects that no matter how little it is in our own eyes, we must put it into use. God loves productivity. If you are not interested in using what he has blessed you with; bless someone’s life with it or invest it somewhere fruitful. It laying idle is a sin. It’s more like every gift he gives us is a ticking time bomb, for every tick, he expects a little profit at least. Notice his reference to the bank and you know how small bank interest can be depending on the amount invested.

We Are Unequal in God’s Eyes– If you are one of those who think that God loves everyone equally then you are mistaken. Just like we are advised in Philippians 2:12 to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, we must also work out the level of love we want God to have for us. At the beginning of the parable, it was written that the master divided the money ‘in proportion to their abilities’. It is evident that the servant he gave five is his favorite, most hardworking and loving servant who has overtime worked so hard to merit it. He is that servant you will call and without hesitation, he responds. God creating us is not enough to conclude that we are entitled to his blessings, we must work for it with faith, diligence, and obedience.

Read: Did God Really Create The World In Less Than 7 Days?
parable of the talents
We Are Unequal in God’s Eyes

Why God Keeps Blessing Some People More– Have you noticed some people around you who keep having a lot of ‘Good Luck’ in their lives. No! A genie didn’t curse them with so much richness at birth but they choose to make use of what they have despite the challenges. And from there, one idea births several other ideas. Open doors galore…

After the confrontation with the servant who buried his talent, the master said “Take the money from this man and give it to the man with the $10,000. For the man who uses well what he is given shall be given more, and he shall have abundance. But from the man who is unfaithful, even what little responsibility he has shall be taken from him.” (Matt 25:28-29)

God loves the one who is more hard-working. Judging the case for mere face value, one will assume that he will give it to the servant who made $4,000 (four talents) after all his is little, he can have that to make his half of the ten talent servant’s sum. But No, the one with $10,000 was blessed even more. This proves that God doesn’t delight in second best. Mediocrity is not an option. God loves to deal with the best winners.

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parable of the talents
Do not fret, there’ll be more wins to come, you just play your part.

Dear Mutterers

It is imperative that I shared this revelation with you because I know that at this stage of your life, you’ve got so many questions to ask about your career path and what the future holds. I strongly believe this will go a long way in answering some of your questions. 

While it is not wrong to pray to God to bless you with more, it is wrong to be unfaithful with the little things he has blessed you with. Do not fret, there’ll be more wins to come, you just play your part.

9 min read

“If your boyfriend or husband pounds you really hard when having sex, best believe that human with three legs is a rapist. There is no such thing as hard or angry sex. Is he a hammer? Maybe he is but girl, your vagina is not a drilling site. If he claims he hasn’t raped anyone before then watch out, the day you say no to his sexual advances, you might just be his first victim. SEX NOT VIOLENCE. ONLY A RAPIST OR A POTENTIAL ONE APPLIES FORCE DURING INTERCOURSE. This is my candid take on rape and the definition of a rapist”– Christine Okon.

Hmmmmmmm… Rape is like old wine. The more we get older; the odious act gets stronger at serving severe deafening blows to the society that living becomes a frightening experience. The death of 22-year-old Uwavera Omozuwa, a Nigerian and Microbiology student at the University of Benin who was raped and savagely beaten to death while reading at a local parish of the Redeemed Christain Church of God in Edo State last week not only became a foreground for a reawakening on the sexual menace but also opened a can of worms.

Rape
JUSTICE FOR UWA

Uwavera’s experience has up until now served as a backdrop for rape victims to open up about their long endured hurt while supporting the #SAYNOTORAPE movement. The victims each day, find a comforting way to relay their truth and call out their abusers. Let’s not forget the gender war too. Almost half of the male folk feel it is a lopsided attack and an unfair generalization to tag them as the sex who rapes. “MEN GET RAPED TOO”, they clamor! But you see, who screams the loudest is usually gifted the most comfortable sit by the audience, that’s one of the underrated rules of life. Men should learn to speak up more.

Read: Rape Stats In Nigeria

Ranging from the blue blood to the privileged class and even the ones, who live down in the mouth, comprised the CALL OUT list. And asides the common male-on-female rape, some of the rape victims narrated their experiences on female-on-male rape, male-on-male rape, and female-on-female rape. Does this settle the gender war? Maybe, but that’s a far cry away from the bone of contention here. One thing that remains unsettled is that rape cases will continue to stir too much dust in the society and this is because while it looks like we are fighting together against it, the sexual menace (rape) and the perpetrators (the rapists) are perceived differently by all and sundry.

rape
“MEN GET RAPED TOO”

You’re probably wondering how I arrived at this conclusion right? Well if you read stories frequently here, you’ll know that I am always more interested in what people are not saying or projecting more; the minority opinions that carry so much weight when looked at introspectively. 

Unpopular Opinion About Rape

As at last week, virtually everyone had something to say about rape. Stemming from the objective angles to the pity parties and then the loose minds who say it just as it hits their head, all lent their voices to the best of their knowledge. Among several opinions I read through, the straw that broke the camels back for me was this;

“Well, this might not make sense but I feel it’s the simple truth. When a case of rape is about to start, instead of dragging with them, can the girls just allow him or them instead of sustaining injuries that can even lead to death? Just saying o. Some will even be scared she is offering them willingly. Cause I don’t see the point of fighting back when your strength can’t last you for a minute. Just accept it instead of accepting forcefully with slaps, punch, bite, weapon, and all. Okay, imagine a house that got robbed.  Nobody will try to fight back once they see a gun. Isn’t that like rape too?”

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Can the girls just allow him or them instead of sustaining injuries that can even lead to death?

You see, no matter how sensitive an issue is, there will always be warped opinions, some, you’ll wonder what planet the individual hails from. But do we shove them away because they are culture shocks compared to our own opinions? No. All through my life, I’ve never heard someone think this way about rape. But if he can then they’ll definitely be more on his side who hold out of the ordinary opinions too. At this point, my curiosity began to age so I decided to put it up for a debate on my WhatsApp status. 

Read: Abusive Relationships; Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

So I posted the picture and captioned “Seeing this, I realized a lot of us hold uncanny opinions about sensitive issues. It takes a level of courage to speak up”. Then in my next slide, I asked “Who is a rapist? Kindly define in your own understanding”. Then the comments came rolling, this explains the quoted text in the first paragraph. 

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I don’t think it’s wise to fight back

Like I predicted he wasn’t the only one who would hold the opinion, a friend responded- “I second this opinion. Honestly, rape is fucked up, It’s an awful thing to happen to anybody but if anybody is at that point, I don’t think it’s wise to fight back. From personal experience, fighting back just increases provocation and the likelihood of you being seriously injured. If someone’s pinning you down, especially someone who is physically stronger than you, there’s barely any form of fighting back that will save you tbh. Instead, it will just aggravate the situation and might give the rapist justification to inflict more physical pain on you. Just saying”

While these two stuck to their guns, counter-attacking opinions began flooding in;

Tunde Onakoya said: “You know I really do think this might just be the opinion of a guy because it’s really silly. What people should be advocating for is to let rapists not rape people, not that you should negotiate with them. It’s like saying you want to negotiate with terrorists on how to destroy and you say “don’t bomb everywhere, just shoot few people”. It doesn’t make any sense.”

rape
Rape messes up with ladies mentally

“Really? Consensual rape? It’s crazy! What’s the guarantee that after the consensual rape, you won’t be killed. The psychopath will gladly kill u without any guilt because in his words “she enjoyed it”- Queen Ede opined.

Similar to Queen’s stand, Oreoluwa Osinuga said “the thing is that they are thinking of the physical effect rather than the mental. Rape messes up with ladies mentally and you might think you are smart and act that way, letting them have their way but what if they kill you after? The point of this whole thing is not the act itself”

Read: From Abuse To Addiction

Ajibola concluded this round by saying “Rape is a terrible act and under no circumstance should the victim willingly give in. Fight even if it means you’re gonna get battered. On the other hand, shouldn’t living be the most important thing under any circumstance? I condemn rape and the punishment under the law should be heavier than it’s ever been anywhere around the world. Some people never get over it even after passing through the horrible experience.”

Rape victim
Fight even if it means you’re gonna get bartered.

Unpopular Opinion from The Victims Eyes.

While that round of debate fizzled, someone who chooses to be Anonymous sent me this;

“I could never report it to anyone because I was afraid it was my fault. I never wanted to be harmed and that’s why I never tried to fight back, or why I pretended to be asleep the day my uncle snuck into my room at night and had his hands all over my body, I did not want to embarrass him and myself. I did not want to be that child. The child with the stigma. The bad egg. The one who’s story got retold time and time again. So I kept quiet about it. I did not want to be the reason my uncle got sent out of the house. I did not want to be pitied and treated differently from the rest of my siblings. I blamed myself for everything. It was easier than speaking up and causing a fuss. If I didn’t speak up, it would only be in my head and it would make it less real, that’s what I thought, so I kept quiet. I mean how else could I tell my parents about my cousin and the painful things he did to me without upsetting everyone? Or the fact that my uncle kept on dipping his fingers into me every time no one else was around. Who would believe me?  I blamed myself for not speaking up, but never ever found the strength to speak up even if I wanted to.”

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I blamed myself for everything. It was easier than speaking up and causing a fuss.

This is my first time of coming in contact with a victim who pities her abuser and chooses family peace over hers, I’m convinced there are many others like her. What do you make of this?

Who Is A Rapist?

Remember I asked that they define who a rapist is in their own understanding. The weirdest response I got was that of Christine Okon which I used as a preamble for this post. 

Going forward, Rhemakana Gilbert defined a rapist as “a man who is unable to understand the concept of consent. He is driven by a sense of entitlement over the bodies of women and holds the view that he is ruled by his urges. He believes that women should adjust their theology to make up for his lack of self-control and understand when he needs a release and cannot control himself.”

With an emphasis on the word ‘conscious’, Ifeanyichukwu Ogbuoji said: “A rapist is one who forces his way into the thighs or anals of another without the person’s CONSCIOUS consent.”

Read: Domestic Violence! How Many More Jonny Depps To Be Uncovered?
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Who is a rapist?

“If you take advantage of my body without my consent, You are a Rapist! If I agree to have sex with you and along the line, I asked you to stop but you refused and continued forcing yourself on me, You are a Rapist! 🤷🏽‍♀🤷🏽‍♀🤷🏽‍♀” Delight Loveday said.

“A rapist is someone whose libido is higher than his thoughts,” Cupid said.

“A rapist is someone who sees another human that is fully clothed and decides to imagine them naked. A rapist is someone who is capable of murder.”- Amaka Enyinnaya 

The Bane of Disparity 

The disparity in our perception about rape, in my opinion, is what kills the fight even before it is fought. I choose to feature these responses because they strike different. The majority in a good way and a select few leaves the rooftop leaking.

While you cannot beat a person for having a different opinion from yours, we must bear in mind that some battles cannot be fought without a unison of opinion; the fight against rape is one of such.

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Rape
If at this stage some of us prefer to weigh which gender feels the brunt more…

If at this stage some of us still hold that the rape victim is to blame rather than the rapist… if at this stage some of us prefer to weigh which gender feels the brunt more… if at this stage some of us believe indecent dressing is the primary trigger for rape… if at this stage the rape victim chooses to remain silent, then we cannot win this fight against rape. 

What does this tell you about rape? What does this tell you about a rapist? What does this tell you about the victim?  And most importantly, what does this tell you about YOU? 

 

 

 

 

 

6 min read

Yassssssss we are back! 💃💃I know right, we’ve been away for about a month if I’m counting correctly. My apologies, I missed you too. The wait was frustrating but I found myself sapping solace from the bigger picture (I hope you can see it too)🤗.

You know one of those setbacks where you are unable to help yourself yet you beat yourself each day for not being able to help yourself as if it will solve it but NO. At the end of the day, you are left with yourself, dancing alone and disrobed in the distress. So what do you do? Motivate you?🤔

 

The Long Wait.

I kid you not; these past weeks harboured the longest days of my life. Like what the hell?! I’m so used to this. Starting my day with sharing stories and awaiting your feedback and equally re-sharing in between is unapologetically my lifestyle. A heavenly race I have been running for nine months, so you can imagine how not posting for three days talk more of a month encroached on my sanity.🥺

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These past weeks harboured the longest days of my life

Do you ever have something wrong with you (a setback precisely) that takes charge of your entire being? It controls your feelings down to your roots that you find yourself ignoring every other part of your life no matter how important they are until that particular shit is fixed? This summarizes my life for the past month. Remember I asked in the first paragraph ‘Motivate you?’

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straight Forward As You Think

When something I hold dearly crashes and burns or seems like it, it’s hard for me to hear myself breathe. I find it difficult to motivate me. And the flip side about the chips being down is that no matter what every other person says to you, only you can help yourself. If you can motivate you, you’ll be fine in no time but for me, it’s a course I fail to pass. More than anything, I find myself sinking in the rigours until the problem manages to fix itself in some way and then I feel better and happy just like now. Raise your hands if you are like me.✋

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When something I hold dearly crashes and burns or seems like it, it’s hard for me to hear myself breathe.

The Lessons and My Identity Crisis

It dawned on me that I have tied more than half of my happiness to my writing career (especially Muttering Minds). This wait made me realize that some key areas that should make up my existence have been dim for a long time yet I remain oblivious. Without my career, I am just a walking bag of bones inhaling oxygen. Should it be so? Who am I without having to attach the title of a writer to be seen? Who am I without having to gush over Muttering Minds?

Identity Crisis: wait
This hiatus made me realize that some key areas that should make up my existence have been dim for a long time yet I remain oblivious.

Who am I without my head signalling for inspiration or my nostrils sniffing for my next big story? Am I that daughter who knows well enough to love family and have their best interest at heart? Am I that friend who listens to her friends without having to chip in one or two things about an upcoming story or something about muttering minds? Am I that lover whose show of affection is unconditional or determined by the chronicles of my career achievements?

I’m afraid I have not been good even in relating to my creator. I go as far as debating if to talk to him first thing in the morning or send out that killer tweet. The tweet always wins the debate. At the end of the day, one tweet leads to many retweets, and then I proceed to other social networks and viola! communing with the father becomes yet another procrastinated task.

Read: What It Means To Be Having An Identity Crisis

When I ask “HOW ARE YOU?” and they respond “FINE”, I fail to push further even though I know they are just being cliché. I hastily proceed to ask “HOW FAR THAT JOB WE TALKED ABOUT”  “WHAT ABOUT THAT STUFF YOU ARE PURSUING? ANY LUCK YET?” It’s always about one race or the other revolving around career and money. Should our career or hustle define who we are?

Do we need to attach a formal title in describing ourselves to be seen? ‘A  FRIEND’, ‘A BROTHER’, ‘A SISTER’…these are titles that resonate more with breeding self peace but I’m afraid we will never value them as much.

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I wanna be that really good friend.

Somehow I am grateful for the break. Going forward, this is not to say that I won’t be pushing my career or talking to friends about what I feel might be the next big thing, but I know well enough to draw the fine line and also lighten other areas of my life. They all can shine equally and if peradventure an area gets weak or broken, it won’t disrupt the flow of my existence (refrence to the site crash) nor take away my worth. I wanna be that really good friend.

 

Growth!!

Wondering why we were away for so long?  I’m proud to announce that we have grown. Yaaahhhhh 💃💃🕺🕺feel free to clap and doff your hats, lol. Our hosting capacity could no longer contain us; yessssss our audience has grown bigger, you can clap again and maybe shake your butt a little🤸‍♂️. I had to make preparations for a new and better hosting service and you know since ‘Uncle COVID’ came on board, money became more slippery from our palms. It was a nail-biting experience trying to gather the sheaves but that’s bygone, I’m so happy to be back, you should be happy too😁. CHEERS TO MORE AND MORE AUDIENCE INCREASE!!🥂

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Cheers to more luxuriant growth!!

Anything You Should Know? 

Definitely! Asides from the hiccup that has been fixed, a lot of new ideas kept buzzing my mind throughout the hiatus but I will zip my lips for now lol. Some of the ideas have already been implemented, special thanks to the website developer Isaac Mattias🙏. You are a genius. 

Look around, spot any green text box by your left? It’s at the bottom. One-click and it takes you directly to the comment section. It also allows the writer to ask quick questions in between their story whilst you read. All you need do is give a quick answer and continue reading. See here. Click the green box. 

Asides from liking, you can now rate the stories on a scale of 1-5. You will see the rating star at the end of each post. Also for the comment section, you can now include images and GIFs. You know what, take your time to explore the site properly, there are many gold mines waiting to be uncovered lol😉, I’m pretty sure you’ll love the changes.

Read: How Do You Feel About Muttering Minds

Have you heard of NAKED MINDS? Our email community? If you are subscribed already to our weekly newsletter then you should be in the loop except you don’t read your mails…too bad😟. Naked Minds have been revamped from being a regular newsletter to having what I love to call a ‘Naked’ note attached. Imagine what kind of content a newsletter dispatched at night will hold? Won’t say any further. Click here to know more and subscribe, I promise to send catch up mail links to new subscribers.

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Naked Minds banner

About Muttering Minds. Ideas are never fully formed when you set out to execute them. They are like fragments or should I say a jigsaw puzzle where you have to fix the bits each day to form a clearer picture. It can only get better.

The more I get involved with Muttering Minds, the more the vision becomes clearer. Maybe you understand the whole concept of Muttering Minds or not, you should read our ‘About Page’ again. It has been re-drafted to fill cracked holes and more importantly give clarity to all and sundry. To ensure we are on the same page throughout this muttering voyage, click HERE.

Read: Friendship Is A Ruse

That said about the long wait. How are you?😁 What have you been up to and most importantly how did not reading a story here for that long feel? Don’t tell me you cheated on me…arrrghhhhh!😡 Oh, you forgot?!  In case you need a reminder, we are in a relationship and cheating is a taboo, lol. 🤪 It’s been a pretty long while; let’s unwind in the comment section especially on the area of identity crises.