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August 2020

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5 min read

If you are an earpiece lover you would know how many dramas having an earpiece on can save you from. But sometimes, even with it on, some scenarios are unavoidable, you find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

As I rolled my eyes to the side of my window on the bus, I saw a group of men closing in on a lady like lions who were elated at the sight of prey. She was fair, pretty, and had a smallish body. She wore a mini gown that truthfully revealed a lot and might even reveal a lot more if she is not careful of how she moves.

Read: How Do I Get Better With Phone Calls?
indecent dressing
You find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

Why is she surrounded by these lions anyway? I wondered. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I turned down the volume of my music immediately and then looked closely so I wouldn’t miss anything. As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown. “Ashewo! Ashewo! Shior!!”, they chanted intermittently. All her attempts to challenge them and break free from their grip proved abortive. I presume luck went on vacation because no one was willing to help her either. Typical Nigerian lifestyle, we stare and make commentary.

Read: Shocked! Angry! Yet I couldn’t do Anything

I was irritated and became uncomfortable. The thought of fighting for the lady crossed my mind but then I realized that getting involved wouldn’t make much of a difference, considering the arrogant nature of the men. Watching the scene, it made me recall the time I tried to speak up for a little boy who was not given a fair space to sit even though he paid the same amount as everyone else on the bus but my tiny voice was so invisible amid the loud voices of the passengers that I almost cried.

indecent dressing
As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown.

Case One (A Lady And Her Cloth Choice)

The men finally let her go as they broke into an outburst of laughter coupled with abusive names and phrases. I shook my head in pity as I watched the lady pick up her phone (it had fallen during the squabble) and walk away in anger.

After the show of shame, it seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations. The majority said she deserved what she got. Before then, I have heard of how a lady can be harassed in public, especially in market places when she is indecently dressed and here’s me, witnessing a scene… wow!

Lady Indecent Dressing
It seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations.

In all honesty, I don’t think any lady deserves to be harassed in that way despite the fact that her dress sense at that moment was wrong. Wait a minute! Wrong? What even makes it wrong? If the wearer is comfortable in it then why throw stones?

Just recently too, there’s been a viral video of a lady who’s ass was groped by a man in a market place because of what she was wearing. While a group feels it was right to have her feel frustrated so that next time she knows better it makes me even sadder because as a lady, dressing even decently cannot save you. There are several times I go to the market and male sellers either grab me by my arm or shoulder just to get my attention on what they are selling. If my response is not friendly, they insult me. “Monkey!!! You no even fine self”… ah! Just because…!?

 

From what I could gather, it’s a fight between ‘ignorance’ and ‘choice’. Is it too difficult to look away if you don’t like what you see? Is it a crime to wear a clothing of choice? To the ladies, I’ll like to ask, have you been in such a situation before? How did you handle it? And the men, are you the type that castigates a lady for wearing revealing clothes or you look away?

Case Two (The Loud Voice Wins)

Have you ever been hurt because you couldn’t fight a good fight? You leave the scene feeling hopeless and for every day, months or years after its past, you still beat yourself up whenever you remember how much of a coward you were? She didn’t deserve to be treated that way and the fact that I couldn’t do anything, made my blood boil.

lady indecent dressing
You still beat yourself up whenever you remember

Situations like this have a way of denting my self-esteem. Do you ever wish you had a loud voice that could cover for you even though you are wrong? Most times, the loudest voice wins whether right or wrong. It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me. I thought of many things I could do to help the lady but I remained mute on my sit. And then again, I thought, perhaps there is someone else who is also irritated by the scene but helpless too. It also reminded me of the case of jungle justice, where the loudest voice wins because the ones who frown against the act are smaller in number. They are scared, they will rather not speak up to avoid being up for the slaughter too.

The Perks and Drawbacks of Being a Loud Person

Have you ever been in such a tight fix too?  How do you handle the pang of guilt? Let’s discuss this, kindly leave me a comment on your opinion. 

lady indecent dressing
It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me.
Translations:

Ashewo– A Yoruba word that means ‘Prostitute’. Yoruba is a language spoken in West Africa and most prominently Southwestern Nigeria.

Shior– A Yoruba word that means ‘Rubbish’.

5 min read

I had been a fan of the multichoice franchise reality show Big Brother Naija but had lost interest in it over the recent years majorly because of society and life. But before that, I had followed closely it’s foreign counterpart Big Brother Canada where I found myself hooked on the mechanism of the human mind. A real Game of Thrones scenario, although excluding the literal death toll, I would argue that there was some cold surgical/assassin type of approach with which some housemates schemed and threw others under the bus.

Now back to the point, safe to say I’m gradually getting my mojo back for the show. I started to develop an interest in this year’s Big Brother season five themed ‘Lock Down’, because of the similarity it shares with the BB Canada counterpart, one being the housemates get to evict their fellow housemate. An ultimate twist no one saw coming. In such a heated competitive environment like that, many will wonder how easy it is for a housemate to chum up a fellow housemate and maintain their con knowing fully well that they could be next. Well, this is Big Brother, anything can happen.

Read: The sinister origins of Big Brother that you might not have known about

Untold Facts about the 20 Housemate in the Big Brother Naija ...

 I appreciate the genius in which Multichoice incorporated this year’s voting and eviction system as it gets the viewers more invested. But getting more acquainted with the show, I am starting to feel somewhat irritated as to how a Game of Thrones type of script flipped into a high school romance. I found myself asking questions like; “do these people even remember the prize at stake?” But the more I ponder on this question, the more I am reminded that the show in its true essence is a social experiment, a window into the mind and heart of society. Point being that people’s behavior and character can be unpredictable or predictable given the situation.

BBNaija 2020: Official Photos From Housemates' Second Saturday Party
Do these people even remember the prize at stake?

This season (BB Naija Lock Down) gives a unique opportunity to look into some constants that seem never to change in the society we live in. It mirrors vividly the society in the following areas;

 DATING IN NIGERIA

 If you are attentive to the show, you would have noticed the shift in relationships which is no different from how we the viewers live, even though we are quick to judge. The means of picking a partner, the chase, the interaction between lovers (using the Laycon, Erica and Kiddwaya’s triangle) Laycon; a bright young artist, described by his peers and a tangible sum of the housemates as an intellectual and sharp mind, Erica; a beautiful actress, with a beautiful smile, and  Kiddwaya; son of a billionaire, smooth, flirtatious and physically appealing.

Big Brother Naija Lockdown
L-R; Kidwayya, Erica, Laycon

 If you follow the show, you already know the plot of this story. So I will spare the boring details and ask you, “given the position of Erica, which would be your pick between the two young men?” This question is to cut through the superficial pretense and self-righteousness. But it gets better, having made your choice, how would you carry on especially when it seems the person you have chosen seems to state not to be looking for something serious.

Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever You Are Dating Owes You!

 This situation succeeds in mirroring a deep human behavior of this era; You’ve probably heard people talk of leaving options open in relationships. It’s as common as breathing now, (this is my opinion and subject to criticism and debate) but I find this a result of fear. Whether of not being heartbroken, wasting time, or waiting for a better option when they eventually walk into our lives. But this is the way of the times. Everyone has their eyes open for something better, whether it is wrong or right.

BBNaija 2020
Everyone has their eyes open for something better, whether it is wrong or right.

 POLITICKING

 This has been existing since the history of the show. There seems to be a subconscious matchup of seemingly good versus evil; one housemate against another, for example, one of the previous seasons ( themed Double Wahala) which had two female housemates, Cee-C versus Alex and the most recently concluded (Pepper Dem) had Tacha Vs Mercy. While this might strike as a normal human character, even healthy in some cases but the environment reveals a dark truth. You begin to see, blind devotion,(even to behaviors you know you can’t honestly stomach personally if faced with it) character assassination, twisting obvious truths or facts and interpreting them in ways that are at least ludicrous and at most fantastic and mind-blowing, to favor your favorite in the house.

Read: The Mask of Civility
Big Brother Naija
There seems to be a subconscious matchup of seemingly good versus evil; one housemate against another. L-R; Tacha, Mercy

But this is us, it’s our reality, we want what we want, be it good or evil. To those who complain that some fans are toxic, blame not! I’ve sat down to reflect on these things and realized that for any housemate a fan supports, he or she is a reflection of who they are and what appeals to them, consciously or unconsciously. Hence the saying, “We attract our kind”. That fan might appear cool personally and you wonder why they passionately support the villain of the show right? Maybe if you can gain access to the blueprint of their mind, you’ll know why. Sometimes it takes another character to tell our true character or some things we never knew about us.

Read: The Long Wait, The Lessons, and My Identity Crisis

 The Big Brother Nigeria show indeed mirrors society’s behavior in several ways. Take this challenge, pick two housemates, and do a case study on their characters, I guarantee the outcome will be you finding much more characters in them that complement society. So do you watch the show? If yes, then you’ll most definitely agree with my points.

Big Brother Naija
Sometimes it takes another character to tell our true character or some things we never knew about us.

 So let’s discuss, in what way(s) would you say the show relates to society for you? Also, be it with this current season or the past ones, has there been any housemate(s) that resonates with your psychological makeup? For me, it’s Laycon of course. The intellectual that’s nice with the flow. Yeah, I rap too. I’ll like to know that housemates and why you feel connected to their character. And to those who do not watch the show or used to but stopped, maybe you can tell us why too… that’s if you read the post up until this part.

 

 

 

 

BRIEF BIO- Sometimes a writer, sometimes a poet, every other time a daydreamer. All my different personas. Find me in a studio near you as Grenade. IG- @renegadevandy49 TWITTER- @renegadevandy49 Kindly leave me your thoughts on this post in the comment section 😄👇

 

 

8 min read

No one told me this about weed… rather, I never believed when they said it, so I decided to jump off the bus…🙃

*Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes.* “O my God Tom😱! I can’t breathe, my breath cuts short and my throat feels so dry😖…”

 *Struggles to gulp some saliva and begins to fidget and cry uncontrollably… moves closer to Tom and suddenly begins to hassle him.* “Please take me to the hospital!😭  This is not me, something is wrong with me…help me!!😩😩”

weed
Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes

Before then, I had never felt that way before, so scared, uneasy, very alive yet dead at the same time. Something was off; it was like I was communicating with all my multiple personalities in full flesh. My demons came out to play tough. I couldn’t tell who I was anymore, rather the side I enjoyed showing to the world was lost and hoping never to be found. I always heard that Marijuana (weed) could gargle a man’s mind, stir it in full-blown chaos until he loses grip of his actions, but I thought it was a bandwagon fallacy. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

 A little backstory here. On this very chilled day, I went to see my boyfriend (now an ex). He was a stoner and most times had weed littered in some strategic corners of his room. I went to his place to cajole him to follow me to mine; we were supposed to have a nice night together at my place (sips coffee🙃). And ding ding! I saw a somewhat handful of weed staring at me. And I thought to myself “today is the day”…not sure if the Lord made this one though.😏

weed
I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?

“Ah ha! This is the so-called weed right?” I asked rhetorically. “I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?😉”  Tom responded to me with an exciting and charming stare. Finally, his girl gets to taste the unseen goodness he’s been preaching. So I put it in my bag, assisted him in selecting some of his belongings, and off we went to my place. 

Read: Three Ways to Cook With Medical Weed

I was so curious, waiting to see the beastly transformation as I stirred my noodles on the fire. I have never sprinkled so much of a particular ingredient on a meal before, but that evening, I became an experimental chef. That moment when you are cooking and you indulge yourself in a monologue. “Is this the right amount?” 🤔 rather than second-guessing, I poured everything in the two packs of noodles. “Yasss! now, this is more like it🤤”, I said as a fulfilled smile ran through my lips.

Criminal: The Original Brownie Lady | WUNC

Read: Does it Mean it’s not Delicious?

I have never been so excited to serve a meal before, let alone noodles ( not a fan🤢). But on this day, I relished on it like it was my last supper🤤. At every spoon, I’ll say in my mind “This had better work!” I wanted to see that so much talked about effect. “But when will it start working now🙄?” I pressured Tom at intervals while we ate. And he would always give me a reassuring look to calm down and take my mind off it.

LAUGHING GALORE WITH TOM

About thirty minutes later… I laid down in bed, swooned in some lovey-dovey shenanigans with Tom 💏. Surprisingly we got talking about childhood memories (it usually doesn’t happen with us especially on a night like that). I started to talk about how I always wanted to be a bird. How I loved watching cartoons with the woodpecker featured in it. I began mimicking the bird and told him I wanted to peck his *** with my lips. 

weed woodpecker
The Woodpecker

Have you ever laughed so much that even when you get to your limit, it seems as though you are just getting started? Laughter became insatiable. My nigga started whining me, he asked how I’ll love to peck it and there I was making animal sounds.  “Graaaaaaaaa…Pkkkkurrr imagine your dick falling off immediately?”. I asked in a stressful sexy tone. Before I knew it, I found myself singing and twerking. For anything, I wouldn’t sing, let alone twerk even if it was the ultimate solution to end a pandemic. The most extreme spoliation was seeing myself trying to muster some sex appeal. How embarrassing?! 😪

Read: My First Sex Experience; Something Worth Sharing or?

I saw all I was doing but I couldn’t bring myself to order. It was like the real me became an audience to my demons. I have never been so out of control but it felt like the more I tried to get a hold of myself, the more misbehavior got the most rewarding part of me.🤧

weed
Have you laughed so much that even when you get to…

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought. With a low voice, I asked “Tom it’s like this thing is working, my chest is hot😟”, I took his hands and placed them on my chest “please touch it. It’s hot right?😰”.  There, it dawned on me that the worst could happen any moment. I jerked off and started pacing around the room.

Read: Addiction is not as Straightforward as you Think

I am a thinker and my thoughts can be very extreme. All the bad things I have ever thought of did not just replay in my mind only to say a brief hello, they wanted a full bed space. The worst of it all was dying young and not fulfilling my dreams. That period was when it was trending on the news that a girl who visited her boyfriend got overdosed and died. It was my time to join her😭… O Christ! I couldn’t bear it anymore. I started to hassle Tom to take me to the hospital. Imagine! This was already midnight. He tried to calm me down while reaching for his phone, assuring me he was trying to call his family doctor.

weed
My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought…

Tom! Tom!“… I screamed his name. “Wait a minute! Can you remember if we had an accident on our way here?😫” At this point, I was already crying. I was dead. Rather I thought we were dead and it was our ghosts that was active at the moment. “Maybe we had an accident and this is our ghost🥶”…”Tom we are not alive! We are dead. Christ! What will my mum do, what happens to all my dreams”😭😭… I cried even harder.

Read: Gosh! I Overthink Worst-Case Scenarios

I needed to be sure I was alive so I opened my room door and started running around the compound. “I need to know I’m alive!😱”, I kept reciting like an anthem while I ran. I had the nudge to knock on a friend’s door but Tom held me back. He was already getting pissed but most of him felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do with me but thankfully managed to bring me in. Yet I couldn’t hold still,  so I opened the door again and knocked on the door of my neighbors who lived opposite my flat as loud as I could. For me, it was a case of my ghost displaying, so to debunk that thought I felt if my neighbors could see me in the flesh then I will be a bit calm.🤭

weed
Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?

They were shocked! “Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?🙄” one of them interrogated me with his angry sleepy voice while the other two (all guys) were trying to get themselves together in case it was an armed robbery alert.  “I need to know I’m alive🥶”. I kept screaming and managed to drag them to my room. I could feel the embarrassment on Tom’s face as he narrated what happened to them. Before then, he’s never had an encounter so the impression now will most rightly be “The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed”. But reputation can as well burn in hell!  life is what matters now… I thought within.🤨

Click Here to Join NAKED MINDS

To cut the story short, they offered me some homemade remedies (palm oil and garri) to allay the weed effect. And going forward the experience became an avenue for subtle mockery and laughter whenever boredom came calling my neighbors.😒

weed
The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed

WHY I DECIDED TO SHARE…

I saw a tweet recently that read “what was that drink you overdosed on and you prayed to God that if the effect stops immediately, you’ll never drink again”. It made me remember my experience with weed and the lessons I garnered and so I thought, why not share…

The things you do when no one is looking are the things that define you”. This quote began to mean so much after the weed brouhaha. You know, everything I displayed that day were the thoughts I always had hidden inside. In my mind, I am the best dancer and twerker, sometimes when I am by myself, I twerk in front of the mirror. I always want to be sexy, I always imagine myself talking and acting sexy, sometimes I even act it when I am alone. All along I thought they were mere thoughts and goofing, I never knew they were already part of me. My mind had them registered in its nook, but that day, the weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons. 

weed
Weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons.

And the evil thoughts too…Going forward, I learned to always think more about the good things because just like that day, another day could come where it will be only me that can save myself and if I got no motivation inside me, it would become a scary mess😪. Although I still cower at the thought of dying young. God forbid! 😤. But how did weed come to be? Its efficacy remains unmatched. I was going to share my experience with alcohol too but this post already takes a cue from Mariama Ba’s So Long A Letter.  Alcohol also has a way of making me mask off completely, that’s why I never drink with people I am not comfortable with.😕 

Click Here to Submit Your Story!

Now your turn! Have you ever had a horrifying high experience? I’ll like to learn about your moment of reckoning. How do you feel when you are high? Why do you feel the need to get high sometimes? And If you are sober or have never taken alcohol or weed before, I’ll like to know why, maybe for your sake, I’ll repent. And yeah… what do you make of my weed experience too?🤓

 

4 min read

Everyone has a spec, some of us have it built more on the mental side while some on the physical, but we will all agree that the majority gravitates towards the latter. Have you ever thought about it that sometimes the way that we think makes us believe lies that eventually make us channel our expectations in the wrong light? Maybe you do not understand, but I would explain in succinct lines.

Once upon a time, I saw a movie by Tyler Perry titled Nobody’s Fool. To save you all of the many shenanigans, in that movie, Tiffany’s sister had a book of specifications- she wanted her ideal man to meet a requisite pattern in terms of looks and how he must act in a social context. It sounded more like a perfect idea when she met a man on the online web who checked every item on her spec list. The tall and short of the tale is that she assumed wrongly about the one that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She ended up settling to love a man that didn’t aptly fit into her specification for an ideal man.

Read: Should Marriage Have An Expiry Date?

spec Nobody's fool

This brings a question to mind and it is, is it ideal to have a specification list in choosing a partner? Oftentimes I hear my peers talking about the kind of women or men that they want to end up with. Some of them tell me that regardless of other realities of life, they want women or men that are lanky, cute, rich, and all of the others that come to mind. My thought exactly is, if they have this spec list for themselves, does it in any way guarantee that they would get the best out of that union?

 In situations where people end up marrying the life partners that they have chosen, especially those that have the glam of an expensive wedding which gains an edition in several marriage blogs and equally becomes the yardstick for the ‘I tap’ Whatsapp group, I wonder why such marriages fail. Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed? We can try to play smart but no matter how we cannot cheat mental compatibility. In my opinion, failed marriages/relationships happen to those who have their spec list built more on the physical side. Paying too much attention to what they see rather than what’s upstairs.

Read: Domestic Violence! How Many More Jonny Depp’s to be Uncovered?
spec
Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed?

Let me use the African Star Apple (Agbalumo) as an example. When it comes to selecting one that soothes your taste bud, ideally you’ll pick the one that looks bubbly and very brown and also appears hydrated. But sometimes we are aghast by the slapping taste it gives us. Despite the appearance, it still failed us. That’s the thing about specs, you cannot be sure if that handsome man or beautiful lady will complement you in every area. Yet the majority of us still prefer to have a specification list bent more on the physical. At the end of the day, settling for one’s spec is like a ‘try your luck’ game. While we might get closer, a lasting union is not guaranteed. 

spec
African Star Apple

The Flip Sides and the BIG FLIP

But there’s another flip side. It can be difficult for some particular individuals to be sexually attracted to people who match or supersede their mental strength. Despite the vibe, they will rather piss themselves than have sex with each other. “Why are intelligent people less attractive?” lol. Does the question ring a bell? Or “Why is it that fine people do not know mathematics?”

Read: Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

You find a man who prior to entering a relationship tells you that his spec is a slim, fair, and tall lady. But he ends up settling for a dark thick lady who is not so much on the beautiful side. Why is that so? Personally I feel a person might get closer to their spec but the outcome is what determines if they will stay. Specifications give an expectation based on how we assume that situations or relationships with people should turn out, but life has other plans when we plan to follow a sequel of logic.

Spec
Are you your spec’s spec?

Now to the questions bothering, is it right to have a spec list? Which should weigh more in writing a spec list, the mental or physical? Also, People who do not have a list of what an ideal life partner should look or act like, are they making mistakes too? If you have also been in a situation where you settled for your spec, you know the ‘love at first sight tingy’, I’ll like to know the outcome. Are you still kicking it? Perhaps you’re like a friend of mine who settled for his spec, he often tells me that whenever he feels like breaking up, he considers how beautiful she is and buys her another straw.

Lest I forget the BIG FLIP, you might have a spec, but are you your spec’s spec? Stop rolling your eyes and answer the question especially those of you who belong to the ‘I am sapiosexual’ Whatsapp group. Let’s figure this out because, at the end of the day, this might just be the foundation of plenty of problems to come. I need your projected opinions, please.