As a child, I had a very high libido, I loved the idea of sex right from when I was 12 as I read a lot of erotica (still do) that made me get addicted to masturbating from that age. I loved the idea of a boy wanting me and touching me. I was basically boy crazy in secondary school, I got in at age 10 meeting classmates a little older. They would watch porn and sometimes I watched it with them. I loved it but what really piqued my interest was the romance novels. I have an imaginative mind so I would vividly imagine what was going on in my head which led me several times to rub myself on the pillow and just any surface.
By the time I was in SS2 I had my first orgasm in class when my female friends were talking and I became horny and I kept rubbing my thighs together. I couldn’t scream I just laid my head on the desk and tried to calm down. I didn’t know it was because of my ovulation. Fast forward to after my WAEC and was home waiting for admission. I began to explore my body by touching myself and doing all sorts of nasty things to make me cum. For some reason, I began to watch lesbian porn and it appealed so much to me and I started to see girls differently. I would imagine myself kissing a girl, touching her, and having lesbian sex. It was my little secret.
I couldn’t place how my love for sex and sexually related topics continued to blossom despite coming from a strict religious home. I grew up in a conservative home where we prayed for everything. I was the best in Sunday school and in fact the golden girl in church. I read passages in the bible of the head and would compete in bible quizzes where I was either first or second.
My mum is a konk Christian woman who has a grave hatred for trousers, makeup, and so on, but my dad has no religion. My mum would always preach chastity to me as per the first child and warned me about not bringing disgrace to the family. She had no idea I was sunk in pornography because I knew how to play obediently. The only time she found something foul with me was when I was 14 and she read my diary and saw I had a crush on one of the boys in my class. She didn’t take it lightly with me, she ranted about my sin for days and I vowed to never let her know anything about me again.
AND UNIVERSITY CAME CALLING
I had come to accept that females were more sexually appealing to me than males, but I was scared to pursue it for fear of family wrath so whenever the feeling came, it remained in my head.
The temptation grew out of hand when I got an admission to the university and had two female roommates. You know how girls are, always wanting to be either stark naked or half-naked when they’re indoors. My roommates barely wore clothes and I found myself sexually attracted and tempted to suck their nipples and do everything sexually crazy to satisfy my sexual urge. The urge was strong, but I lacked the confidence to approach either of them so I hated anytime they were naked and tried to caution them. I never let them in on my true feelings.
I wasn’t bold enough to approach any female on campus either to propose how I felt, so I made it a conscious effort to scrap the idea of being with a lady.
FINALLY MET HER
Last year, I clocked 20 and had sex for the first time (heterosexual sex). I can’t remember a lot but it was uncomfortable. I started having sex properly after that. I love having sex with men but I never had orgasms, I mostly faked it and since my pussy is usually very wet, none of the men would imagine I wasn’t satisfied. I usually would masturbate after sex to get full satisfaction.
I met my present boyfriend this year. He made me feel good. He is dark and handsome and has a very nice personality but his friend, a female, has this aura that makes me surrender. So intriguing, she is sex-positive and openly bisexual. She rekindled my suppressed feeling for females and truthfully I’ve found myself wanting her more than I want my man.
One night I was high and when I am high, I have no inhibitions. We were watching a movie and she placed her head on my lap. I started touching her little by little, then I touched her breasts, and she turned and kissed me. It was beautiful. She kissed me and asked if she could touch me properly. I said yes. Then she told me to take off my dress. She opened my legs and smelled me. She inhaled deeply and smiled. She told me I smelled good. I felt happy. She pulled my panties and licked me. She worked my body like it’s hers. She found my clit without me showing her and then she fingered me, it was awesome. The first time I would be fingered so good. All the men I’ve been with are always in a hurry while fingering and I sometimes have injuries. But she fingered me with precision. I came from her penetrating me, It had never happened before. I have never orgasmed from penetration before.
I had four orgasms with her. I also came from nipple play, my nipples were so tingly after we were through. I was spent and I didn’t even go through stress. I screamed when she licked and sucked my clit. She looked me in the eye and smiled at me when I came down. She asked if I was good and I couldn’t even talk. She smiled and told me to sit in front of her, she whispered in my ear dirty talk and started touching my pussy, I orgasmed again. I couldn’t understand how she knew my body so much. Gosh! lesbian sex is so sweet.
HE FOUND OUT
I couldn’t keep what happened to myself, I told my boyfriend and to my surprise, he wasn’t that shaken. I think he didn’t feel threatened because she is a girl. He asked me who was better and I lied saying he was but I knew the truth, I didn’t want him to feel insecure. Whenever we have sex he tries too hard and sometimes I just go through the motions, he leaves me so sore it hurts to even urinate. He complains about my lack of spontaneity but doesn’t know I only manage to have sex with him when I’m high. But when I am normal I find it hard cause I might not be invested and it’s painful for me when he penetrates. He gives me head but ends up using teeth sometimes. It’s frustrating.
I can’t stop thinking of her, I wish I could have lesbian sex with her again and please her also as she did with me. Whenever she comes around and we get high together, she might play with my nipples or my ass when my boyfriend is not there. She would smell my panties and tell me I smell so good. But when he is there I try to act normal because he started to warn me about it. I sometimes hint at a threesome but he doesn’t want it. She once said she wants to watch us have sex and she would be in the background. I wanted it so bad but he refused. I wanted her to see me aroused. Maybe I would orgasm from her watching. I don’t want to have sex again with her behind his back but I feel like it’s inevitable.
SHE DOESN’T WANT ME
She has refused to date me, she’s not into dating and even when I offered to be in a polyamorous affair with her, she refused. She prefers no string sex and she is also unpredictable. There are days she doesn’t want me but some days she wants me. Sometimes she tells my boyfriend to hold me tight otherwise she will snatch me, other times she wouldn’t even talk to me at all. Her unstable emotions gets me confused and sad. I don’t know why I find myself so attached to her, could it be because she broke my lesbian virginity?
Since our encounter, my sexual attraction for ladies is now so high, I see girls, and all I want to do is fuck them and please them so bad, If she is pretty and intelligent, major turn on. I love ass, I am an ass girl, when I see a girl with fine ass, it’s hard to take my eyes off her. My sexual attraction for women has gotten so bad that my other female friend has noticed that I look at her differently, I had to open up to her. I made moves on her, she is tall, curvy, has a big ass with creamy and spotless skin. One time playfully, she asked me to come and suck her breast and I surprised her by saying I would if she let me. She was shocked and stopped talking. I know she knows I am not straight.
MY SEXUALITY DILEMMA
I think I would date a girl if I had a chance as I have found myself liking more girls now. I still like men though especially tall dark and handsome, if he has a beard then turn on. But more strongly, I would like to learn how to please a girl the same way my boyfriend’s friend pleased me with sweet lesbian sex. I always imagine how it is to taste pussy. I wish I could please someone and let them feel the same way I felt with her.
What can I do? I love men and women but my lesbian side is more. Just the thought of women makes me very horny but I feel trapped as a Christian and worst of a Nigerian where homosexuality is condemned. Sometimes I think to myself, maybe I am actually a lesbian but compensate with boys because of the society I’ve found myself in. Please, Mutterers, I need your candid advice, leave me a comment 😥👇.
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