One would think that having a ‘friend with benefits’ aka ‘situationship’ is as easy as reciting ABC, free as a bird you say yeah? No commitments, getting laid by any tom, dick, and Jessica…without having to explain yourself to your situationship partner right? Well, that’s a social media orientation, don’t be like me fam because such wokeness has landed me on a very slippery street. Sometimes I try to stand fam, but baby girl ends us giving a humpty dumpty show😭.
Fam I’m in a full-blown situationship and to say the least, it’s not what I expected. So yeah, we are not in a relationship or exclusive but then we do stuff like a couple, plan birthdays, dates, sex…but hollop! There are no commitments. Nobody told me it always ends up being messy, in my head I felt I can take a bow when I’m no longer feeling this or when I find someone I can bear it all to, but I was wrong fam …let’s go
CALL HIM BABY
I met baby a few months after a horrible break up which was my fault & I’m still in love with my ex who is happily married. Sadly I have adjusted to stalking him on all SM platforms to be sure wifey is taking good care of him. Back to Baby. Baby is an amazing guy, he found me during the lockdown and went all out for me with attention, care, love, and all that comes with a relationship but I made it clear that I won’t date him for reasons best known to me. To be honest, I knew I wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship cause I had a lot of baggage, exes, undefined relationships here and there with both genders and I wasn’t ready to add somebody’s son to it but he chose to stay and it’s being one bumpy ride.
50% of the time it’s amazing and the rest of the 50% is war. It becomes too toxic for comfort. On toxicity yeah, whenever we have a fight or misunderstanding of any sort, Baby sees that as an avenue to abuse me verbally, he says all manner of hurtful words to me regardless of how I feel. He’s aggressive, insecure, and overly domineering. 40% of the fights we’ve had have always been about me refusing to say stuff about my past and small lies here and there (he hates lies). Baby wants to know everything about me, but I always share what I deem necessary and keep the rest of my exes and all sorts to myself. I don’t like to divulge into personal issues but he wants me to bear it all.
But guess who has a smart mouth and won’t let him get away with it? You guessed right. I always use the opportunity to let him know we’re not in a relationship and that always hurts his feelings cause he feels so strongly for me.
BUT ARE WE REALLY NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
You see, that’s the thing, I’m confused. Every scene plays out like couples fronting but shying away from a tag. After every fight, I’ll call it quits and he would come begging or he would, while I go begging. At the initial stage, I thought I had it figured out but right now, I must be honest, I can’t go a day without talking to him. I feel so at peace with him, he’s the first person I want to share good or bad news with. Not to sound cliché the thought of him at any time (fight/no fight) gives me butterflies.
Something tells me he’s figured out I’ve developed feelings for him. You know, no matter how hard you try you can’t hide love. I show it sometimes and do certain stuff that only love can make me do & when I get back to my senses, I start picking fights with him over unnecessary things.
Not once, not twice, I’ve been tempted to tell him how I really feel but I didn’t, knowing that I’m still a mess and wouldn’t want a complicated relationship. You know when stuff like this gets defined yeah? There’s this sense of accountability that creeps, you would want to be intentional about your partner and stuff. We are not dating yet, and he never fails to be vocal about how he wants more every opportunity he gets, now imagine if we put a tag on it. Sometimes I tell myself I’m overthinking this relationship thingy, and that I should just accept his damn proposal and see how things play out but my guts fail me.
Maybe why I haven’t accepted is because we are two different people. We enjoy each other’s company and good sex too, but you know that moment where you have to come to terms with the fact that you cannot have someone forever because there are certain things they do or traits they possess you cannot live with. Baby is an amazing guy really, asides from him being aggressive, possessive and sometimes exhibiting misogynistic behavior I don’t quite get. These are red flags for me. In every situation, I like to think about the positive and negative, whichever outweighs the other is what I go for regardless of how I feel. I am scared that I may push Baby to the wall one day and he will beat the hell out of me or worse. So that’s why I always decline his proposal, although he still has hope that I will say yes to him one day.
THE UNFAIR SIDE
We had a fight recently and it was hard without him. I missed him so much for someone who I claim is not my man. But I think I felt more hurt, depressed, and disappointed because I brought this upon myself. We’ve been down this road for seven months, I should have walked away a long time ago, maybe at our first fight. But right now, I feel trapped in my feelings for him. This has been the most amazing and draining situationship ever fam.
I want out but then I will miss baby so much. He practically knows everything about me, like we talk all the time. If we had met at a different time, he may have stood a chance. I’ve hinted him of wanting to let go of whatever it is that we share but he’s not having it. I am not having it either but this has to end yeah??? Do you get??? I used to think that having a friend with benefits or being in a so-called situationship would save me from all the stress that comes with a relationship but that’s a big fat lie. Situationships also puts your life on hold, with Baby it is disrespectful seeing other people, I always feel like I am cheating on him but we aren’t an item for fuck’s sake! I have dismissed other potential romantic partners cause I don’t want to disrespect Baby and also preserve what we have. But right now, I can’t have him and it’s so hard to have to walk away too. I feel stuck Mutterers, I need your advice. If you’ve ever been or still are in a situationship, I’ll like to know how it ended for you, or perhaps how it’s going.