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NOT actually

2 min read

You know you can see two people together every time, going about the same stuff, eating side by side in the cafeteria, laughing at the same jokes, sometimes wearing the same outfit, plying the same route, etc. but they are not actually friends.

This habit is most common with students, we all need something from one another and so we form allies. We need someone to help us lobby our names on the attendance sheet whenever we will be missing lectures, someone to give the silent calls and codes during exams, etc.

Read: Friendship is a Ruse

Often, It is not only two individuals who form this kind of union, most times it is usually up to a cartel number, you see a group of four or five people walking together and going about the same stuff but more than half the time, they are not friends, only together for a reason.

I remember following this ritual when I was in college. Four ladies who connected because of school work, weekends were not an option, but you see Mondays until Fridays, we will practically blow up each other’s phones with rings. “Babe, what’s up? Are you coming to lectures? Mr O said we will be writing a test, please reserve a space for me”…similar needs like this, we will always request from one another. We knew we weren’t friends. But guess what! We worked things out. Through the heat of various requests, we were able to figure one another out, knowing what each other likes and dislikes and viola! We are still friends till today.

Read: The Friends Chart; When they dont Tell You
not actually friends
Sharing good moments together does not mean you are friends.

Why am I writing this? Most times we deliberately form these allies, other times it happens subconsciously. You just find yourself always with a particular person or a mini group. Some people get it wrong, they think they have made friends and begin to scream betrayal when the person they thought they had made friends with crosses over to another party.

Never be foolish to think you are friends, at least not immediately. When a group is no longer serving its purpose, the ones who knew the core ingredient that attracted them to the group always leave because they invested no affection.

Read: Why you should say No even when convienient

Not every two individuals you see together always are friends. I’m sure you have an idea of what I am talking about. Have you ever asked someone:

You-  Hey! Where is Nancy, we haven’t seen her in a while?

Person- I don’t know, not heard from her in a while too.

You- too! I actually thought you were friends.

Person- Ah really! No!  We are not close o.

And that’s the truth, they are not actually friends but only served the same purpose at the time.


3 min read

Blum House ‘Fantasy Island’ tells a story about five people who are lucky guests on an Island “where any and everything is possible“. An island where wishes although come true, turns into prison or nightmare. The film follows each individual’s fantasy, revealing the psyche of each character; their personal battles and demons, the road they wish they took as things slowly get out of control.

The pace of the movie is excellent, as it gives the viewers a walk through each character’s personality and journey without the need for a long back story. The fantasy begins soon after the characters settle in and not long after, so does the chaos.

Read: The Mask Of Civility

Watching ‘Fantasy Island’, I had summarized the outcome of the movie, as I do with most horror, thriller or suspense movies for fun, but the writers, Jeff Wadlow, Chris Roach and Jillian Jacobs, throw in beautiful curve balls and plot twists as if prepared for cynics like me.

Fantasy Island' Trailer: Blumhouse Remakes Classic Show as Horror ...

Frankly, I was skeptic about watching the horror thriller film because of the impression I got from Jason Blum’s previous production ‘Us’. Not to take anything away from the cast who did very well,  and also the final revelation of the main character (Adelaide Wilson) played by Lupita Nyong’o. But as part of the twist included the whole town rather than just Adelaide’s family, it lost the very beautiful direction the story was taking. Sorry for deviating, I just had to chip in the comparison to emphasize how impressed I am with Jason Blum on this one. 

Read: A Mask On Our Stupid

fantasy island on muttering minds

I tip my hat to the cast, especially Michael Peña who plays Mr Roarke, the curator/owner of the fantasy island. For someone who is no stranger to comedy, he does very well in shifting personality and delivery in executing a man who’s dream and ambition comes at a cost and so he lives burdened with his choices.

Fantasy Island review on muttering minds

The movie passes an age-old school of thought, “The grass is greener on the other side”. People always feel dissatisfied with their reality. Always wishing for more and because of the beauty of imagination, we actually become discontent with reality, only to realize we have to make the best out of what we have. It also tolls forgiveness and acceptance.

muttering minds fantasy island review

‘Fantasy Island’ is a thrilling movie for fans of the horror/ thriller genre. After watching the movie I asked myself, “If wishes became horses for real, will I actually ride?” I don’t think so. I will leave you with a quote from the beautiful song in the end by Jared Lee “Don’t wish your life away” that captures the essence of the movie.

“There’s a fine line between what we want and what we need…Don’t wish your life away…Don’t live for yesterday”.



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3 min read

When I heard a movie rose to a crescendo by bagging four awards at the Oscars this year, I knew I needed to have that movie on my big screen, making a hit with my eyes and mind as well.

Parasite! Yes, that is it! the gut-twisting comedy thriller directed by  Bong Joon-ho tours the train of thought amid the poor and how desperate times can trigger disjointed measures. 

Mere taking the movie title for face value, one would think that its one of those alien invasions or virus movies, but it’s not. Like in plain terms, the word parasite refers to an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense. Now relate this to the human setting.

Movie Poster of the Week: The Posters of “Parasite” in 2020 ...

Brief Plot

Co-written by Han Jin-won, Parasite is a film about two families, both a far cry away from each other in the social-economic sphere, the rich and the poor. The rich play a subliminal host and the poor in perfected deceit play the parasite. What happens when the parasite discovers there is another parasite feasting on its host? Will they cooperate or allow greed to finetune their fate?

The poor family is referred to as the Kim family. They comprise of the father Ki-taek, mother Chung-sook, daughter Ki-jung and son Ki-woo. The four struggle to make ends meet through a shallow paying part-time pizza box folders job done in their small apartment situated in the impoverished part of the city. 

Luck smiles on the son Ki-woo, who with the help of a friend is found worthy to tutor the rich, Mr. and Mrs. Parks daughter, Park Da-hye. To cut the long story short, he manipulates the home and paves way for the rest of his family members through ulterior and hoodwinking routes.  


Pointers/ Lessons

As usual, no spoilers but more than enough pointers indicating why you should watch Parasite.

  • A Clear View of Capitalism: Parasite’s storyline goes beyond just telling a story for the sake of making a film. It’s brilliant narrative centers on the practice of capitalism in South Korean culture. It depicts the wealth gap and financial limitations in a clear-cut sensitive way that makes it relatable to anyone watching no matter where they hail from.
  • Being Poor Is Not A Prerequisite For Humility: Just like not all heroes wear capes, not every poor person you see is humble. If you think that because a poor man has nothing, he will be at your beck and call then you might need to watch your back. Yes, he might actually give his all to serve you just to get food on his table; his hidden intentions might be a bitter pill to swallow. A similar case is the Kim family, take a look at how without remorse, they eliminated everyone who stood in their way just to secure a premium spot in the Parks house. And the Parks couldn’t smell the coffee because they were blinded by their feign humility.
  • Greed Is Not A Financial Issue. It’s A Heart Issue: Familiar with the popular saying ‘When a man has money, his true colors start to show’, this resonates with Kim family. Their case can be likened to someone having a taste of honey from a jar which is not theirs and then not wanting anyone else to have a taste even if the owner of the jar would not mind. Kim family and the ex-house keeper Moon-gwang and her husband could have lived peacefully in the same house but they chose to indulge in a senseless fight which resulted in a tragedy. It just goes to show that greed is not a financial issue but a heart issue. Both families already have their minds polluted with greed that no matter the convenience they got, it will not be enough.



Parasite is a movie whose scenes stick in your head after watching it. It is a blend of laudable directing, exemplary story writing, skilled acting from the cast, and astounding cinematography.

It won four awards at the 2020 Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best International Feature Film. It also became the first South Korean film to receive an Academy Award for Best Picture. Its achievements are so many feathers in Bong Joon-ho’s cap.

You can’t afford bath breaks while watching Parasite because of its metaphorical written script, directing and production. You snooze, you lose! But that won’t happen because the intriguing scenes from stage one down to the surreal experience from the middle till the end will get you sunk in connection. In short, it’s a stroke of genius!


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2 min read

Just like it is okay not to take a phone call, it is also okay not to respond to an online chat.

If you send me a message via Whatsapp or any of the other chat enabling apps, I have the right to ignore. By ignoring I mean reading without a response or not opening the chat at all.

Online chatting is not a relay race. Your messages are not a baton that a recipient ought to run with immediately he/she receives it and then responds immediately.

Expecting a fast reply or same mood from the recipient  is an epileptic way of maintaining relations. If you chat a person up, they are not bound to match your energy at the moment. They can decide to be numb, overly excited or flow with the same energy, the choice is theirs. Just like we have good and bad days, so is our receptiveness to chats.

It’s very foolish to say “I actually chatted her up but the vibe she gave me was bad, I had to end the conversation”. Did you care to find out if she was in the right mood? 

online chatting
Online chatting is not a relay race.

I also observed that a lot of us avoid being the ones to end a chat. For example;

John Doe– Nice pics you got there.

You Thank you.

John Doe– You are welcome.

You– Yeah.

John Doe– Ok

You– Alright

Ideally, the chat should have ended at John Doe’s ‘You are welcome’. But No! We think that leaving him on ‘read’ is a rude thing to do. Ok, let’s agree it is rude, of what meaning are the other words then? 

Listen! online chatting is not difficult. HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: Never expect the same energy from the recipient. 

READ 10 Great rules to be followed in a Basic Chat

If you require the same energy, you better put a call across to inform them that you will love to chat at a certain time for preparedness sake, and this is not even a guarantee. Even your best chat buddy cannot be goofy every time.

Yeah lest I forget, if you chat with someone and they left your message unattended, there’s no harm in sending them another message. They probably got carried away with something else.

2 min read
Bird Box is kinda metaphorical to me meaning “quiet place”, you may want to carry a bird wherever you go cause birds can sense danger and also are acutely sensitive…
Amidst the horror, the suspense, and the tensed state the movie put me through, these important elements made up the movie to me- family, love, survival, (more)
A Family not by blood but interest. The sense to want to save and help the other person, the love was shared well maybe it was because of the condition but everyone looked out for each other.
Survival. some people call it “survival of the fittest”. I did learn that every day we see is a survival of the fittest, not only by strength though…
And the kids in the movie….’ Girl’ and ‘Boy’ as they were called, I totally understood the lady Malorie when she discontinued that black cute guy from feeding the kids with fantasy which of cos would just make the kids wanna dream and explore,and I mean its ok to explore and dream of a fairytale life but I deduced from that life isn’t a fairytale.
Bird Box
A family not by blood but interest
Life isn’t what we hear it or see it be especially in this social media age. Life is good, to be experienced in our own way just the way it is. The kids got to understand though. I also get the part that “kids are kids and should be treated like one”.
The Blindfold was one brave act. In reality, if we could discipline and blindfold ourselves figuratively, we would focus more on tasks ahead and things that really need to get done.
Then again I thought to myself if, in reality, some things we do could actually kill us if we dared to look, a lot of people would stick to blindfolds but some will eventually pass away cos in the real world some people are like goats who don’t listen… “don’t open your eyes, unless you die” the eagerness to wanna see and know does kill and is not always good…Thank You ❤️
5 min read

Finally a wrap on our First Sex Experience Series. Aaaaaahhhhh!!! Drum rolls!! Belly tingling💃💃 and plenty of cheerssssss🥂….lol😁. The stories featured no doubt were a roller coaster of so many emotions ranging from pity to relief, gross grease to triggers, fragility to laughter and of course lessons. So tell me, did you learn a thing or more? 

Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet after getting an undiluted portion of people’s lives, so I’ll go first. Before I proceed I would like to especially thank those who submitted their stories. You see, penning the story is not the actual deal here but finding a balance with the courage to look back on the gory scenes ( to those who had an unpleasant first time), details, emotions and then carving a silver lining is everything. THANK YOU. Also, my sincere apologies to those who I couldn’t post their stories, the fault is on me, your stories were good enough. I undermined the turnout, I placed only a week for the series because I didn’t think many people were going to share their stories but the turnout surpassed my expectations. 

first time sex
Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet…

Now The Lessons

One of the purposes of the series was to prove if some sex myths are real, some of which I included while announcing the series. However, reading through the stories, I came to the conclusion that they are not myths but actually facts although not evident in everyone’s first time. Below are some of the things I learned;

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  • Change The Narrative:  Dealing with abuse is tough. If there is any lesson I wouldn’t miss from the first entry, “A ‘Red Episode’ Turned ‘Fairytale Romance”, is the strength shown by the writer. I admire her for taking charge of her memory, how she was able to forgo the first experience, and clinched to the better second is everything. Asides from sex, I most definitely will replicate this act going forward, choosing to see only the good and burying the bad.

first sex experience

  • Be Mindful Of Who You Keep Close: From Abuse To Addiction’ is a biting epiphany. It proves that many people molested at a tender age were either molested by relatives or close parties. I will end this by quoting what a follower on Twitter, @oshiombo_alaka said in reaction to the story “What is happening to your children when you are away from home? Are the people you entrust your children with worthy of the responsibility? The failure to promote moral uprightness will hurt every one of us. Are you willing to stand for what is right in everything around you?”

first sex experience

  • Pain, Joy… And The Clingy Bits: One story that checked some of our proposed sex myths is ‘Pleasure And Gateway To My Insecurities’. The writer having acknowledged the pain and pleasure lets us in on the aftermath of her sex experience. Despite admitting to having her first sex with someone she was heels over head in love with, she found herself getting insecure and clingy and that became the death of the relationship. It made me realize that most break-ups that occur after a girl’s first sex might not actually be because the dude got what he wanted but because insecurities and incessant fights play a vital role.

first sex experience


  • A Rise In Ego: hehehehehehehe… yes, I am laughing and if you followed the series you can easily figure out the culprit story. Yesssss…‘Teenage Sexventure Gone Wild’. The writer was apparently the only one who decided not to play anonymous and rather than judge him, you end of having a good laugh. He checked one of our sex myths, ‘ego boost’ for men. Most men had their ego a step ahead after laying with a woman for the first time. In Joshua’s words… “Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex…”

first sex experience


  • For You Or Society: ‘A Tale Of Two Rookies’ takes off the cloak on celibacy and virginity. Do you understand the importance of celibacy and keeping your virginity? Or you are one of those lost in society’s yardstick for measuring virtue. Why celibacy? What happens when you do or don’t? Everyone ought to have a meaning for themselves, not just jumping on the bandwagon.

first sex experience


  • Curiosity Killed The Cat: Ideally reading the title ‘Taste And See…’ one is curious to know what the writer tasted and found out. Did he taste sex to become an addict or did he taste sex to flee? You never know until you read. If you are curious to know how sex feels chances are you’ll end up regretting your first try because of the many expectations you had. 

first sex experience


Observations/ Suggestions

Special thanks to everyone who ensured good publicity for the series by posting daily updates via their social media handles. Despite the sensitivity surrounding the word ‘sex’ and backlash from rigid minds, some of you kept publicizing regardless. Sincerely, I’m taken by your kind gesture.  

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While the First Sex Experience Series was on, some parties who were unable to catch up asked if there was an e-book available for download. So I got thinking, should we create an e-book for the series? Perhaps it will also be a good idea to include all the stories that didn’t make it to the website. On the other hand, I feel the individuals who have their stories featured have a huge role in deciding whether or not. Please let me know your opinion in the comment section.

first sex experience
Spot the Logo on the book cover!!! Art by my beloved friend Onyinye Okechukwu. She is a video editor and a digital artist…and also a full-fledged Mutterer

Now the deal with the comment section! I’m curious to know why you read and zooooooommmmmmmm… are the articles so uninteresting and not cogitating enough for me to get your feedback? Remember it’s Muttering Minds, if you don’t comment your reservations here, where else? So shall we…? Let’s start with the lessons you learned from the sex series, One! Two! Ready! Go!


2 min read

Have you ever felt so detached from a very close friend immediately after meeting another close friend of theirs? seeing the level at which both of them rapport your thoughts be like ‘Damn! I thought I was the closest to you man

As read in George Orwell’s Animal farm that ‘All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others (A proclamation by the pigs who control the government in the novel)’ so is the case of friendship in real life. Many times because of the reception we are given by someone, we get entitled that we assume the role ofbest friend‘ or ‘Able Confidants’ in their lives. Funny enough, It’s not like they handed us that tag, we just automatically believe it has to be us, after all he/she tells you about every junk that comes out of their heart yeah.

And then boom! On a very good day you meet with a friend of theirs they have always told you about…

You begin to see such genuine gestures(Laughter, hugs, jokes) shared by both of them. They catch up on issues they shared over the phone, issues you thought you alone who had knowledge of.

At this point you are very insignificant, floating in the conversation but…


Even the stories you know zilch about are being discussed… And then you are left with no choice but to follow throughout the conversation with very skeptical smiles and forceful awkward laughs while a thousand and one thoughts are dancing in your head. At this point you are very insignificant, floating in the conversation but your pretense power got to be strong Yeah!😊

‘Wow! when did they discuss all these… even the ones I don’t know, how come?…I actually thought I was the closest one’. In the midst of all these thoughts you can’t do nothing but die in silence and get pampered by high class Jealousy 😂 lol.


I know majority of us have had this experience, some might be going through it right now. So here’s the thing, never assume you are the only ear a person talks to. You might just be the ear for channeling shafts while some other ear gets the real deal. Before you assume the role of bestie/confidants, have you met their other close friends?


One key thing I have noticed about friendship is that the closest friends to us are most times not the ones we can easily reach proximity wise, they are always far apart from us. We might not talk daily with them but when we do, we replay events to them exactly as they happened. This we don’t really do with the people we claim are close to us even physically and sincerely I actually don’t know why relationships are fashioned this way but it is what it is yeah😳.

7 min read

Yeah you know it! that angelic yet raunchy stare she gives you when you’re hitting the G-spot…that desperate facial, is she crying for pleasure or for more pleasure? You pump it up, wearing the energy of a horse on a race track. It’s too much pleasure now, her legs begin to suffer a seizure but surely they wouldn’t wilt rather she’s mumbling in tongues that translates a quest to devouring every last crumb from your being. Oo bet she’ll. Now you’re staring at her eyes to solicit more validation and you’re almost blinded by spicy passion. Hell yeah! it makes you feel like a man right? An empowered man with a top-notch ego right? 

30 Day Sex Position Challenge– Day 25 | loveandpleasurecoaching

I bet you had not the slightest idea that this ‘ego empowerment scheme’ you profit off from her legs quivering could all turn to dust one day. A day when you desperately want to race like horse and in fact prior you’ve bragged about the chronicles of your sex game but unfortunately forces beyond you makes your cum come barely 2 minutes after hitting the warm hole. Shit! This is every man’s nightmare. How do you tell her it’s not your fault? That you’re usually not like that? Perhaps she’s too sweet you couldn’t resist falling your own hands? O jeezz!! She’s gonna tell her friends that you’re a ‘one minute man’ or very unlikely to share in your embarrassment and keep mum. A lot of thoughts running miles in your head. I don’t know if you’ve been here before, well I’ve been down this squashed ego road… would tell you about it.

Read: Let’s Play A Game… Fetish or Obsession or Both?

Enough! I Will No Longer Be Disappointed by African Men in the Bedroom - OkayAfrica


A Sex King In The Making

Attaining reasonable mature age, I was very sexually active. I remember having sex more than 300 days in 365 days in a year. Yup! That’s how much bed power I wielded. I remember going seven rounds in a night with my girlfriend at the time. Or was it a time when a lady fainted while having oral sex with me? She couldn’t stand the depth of the feeling. Then, when it came to sex, the barest minimum I could offer a lady was 3 rounds. No less but could be more. I oozed enormous ego especially when she’s telling me over chats how I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her pussy. O surely I did make a lady drip drip…sheeshh! Common guys, don’t give me that look. Wanna deny that a lot of our ego doesn’t depend on how much we’re able to treat her right in bed? Well mine wholesomely does. 

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learn how to increase sex power in summer

A King’s Nightmare

Happily late last year, I got a girlfriend, which would soon metamorphose a sour encounter. A sex king could no longer have a lasting erection, I had now become a man walking around with a not literal tag that projected “One Minute Man”. Though I would quickly have erection like I should have but not as strong as it should be; compared to those days where I literally would feel every single vein in my penis when I’m fully aroused. How do I explain all my brags? She expected a horse but all she got was a man whose erection became flaccid at the touch of her hands repeatedly. And when it’s a ‘good day’ and I arrive at the mountain of penetration, my sperm acts like they’re being chased down by a ghost, running for their lives which makes them sprinkle out in barely one minute. Gosh! I bet she hated me at every try.  The only silverlining left in my arsenal was my oral sex skill. I had mastered it so well so it was easy to make my woman reach orgasm.

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Though my woman never complained about my poor timing cum shots, I wished I could do what I used to do. Painfully, I also observed that she never demanded sex from me, she never initiated love making too. I started to nurse the idea that I became sexually weak because I was aging, though I’m not 40 yet. I read an article that said sex shouldn’t be more than 2 minutes and that gave me a sense of hope. 

This Is How Long Sex Should Last (From a Woman's Point of View) | GQ


Pacifying My Fallen Crown 

What I resolved was to ensure my lady orgasms first through oral sex before I reach to penetrate knowing that I would cum in two minutes. The trick was to elongate my head game with hopes that she doesn’t take cognizance of how quickly I ejaculated.  Another disappointing part of the issue is that I had to wait for at least 30 minutes before journeying second round, that’s if I had the chance to try.

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I became desperate for a solution that I decided to take a root drink for sex enhancement. I will never forget my terrible experience. I took the drink 20 minutes before my lady arrived and I was hugged with a serious headache. Although we had two rounds of sex which I lasted a little longer but I felt less than my normal self. I became an empty man who desired sex most times but would quench the desire knowing that I could only offer weak strokes. Rather sex, I would masturbate, risking the cons. 

4 ​Sex Supplements That Work - Erectile Dysfunction Supplements

A King’s Redemption

Like having a weak sex game is not punishment enough, the universe had to plague me with a throat problem; however, the life style preceding this diagnosis soon became a solution I was blind to the entire time. I was told to avoid soft drinks and cold water as they were notable triggers which I faithfully avoided. From baby steps avoidance, I was able to permanently halt the entry of soft drinks in my system for three months. Also for some maybe weird replacement, I nurtured the habit of eating dates and tiger nuts. 

Read: Sex and Spirituality; And What If He’s a Virgin At 30

In the third month of abstinence from soft drinks, my lady came around with plans to sleep over and leave the next day. I joined her in the shower that night and couldn’t resist making love to her. We started foreplaying and surprisingly, I realised that my erection became even fuller with charged veins scavenging for a warm hole. I hit it and kept at it for over five minutes before carrying her to the bed where I kept sending her into space for over 15 minutes. As much as I felt proud I could make her scream for the first time, I also felt much surprise. Is this me? Is the king back? My excitement held no barricade. Could you believe we went an extra five rounds that night?? It was such a passionate moment, and one of relief too. Tell you what? My beautiful lady who had the intention of spending one night, spent two days and returned a few days after to spend a month with me. 

10 Reasons Shower Sex Is Seriously The Worst And Basically Ruins Sex So You Should Never Do It


Saying ‘Hi’ To Memory Lane

After our irresistible love making, my surprise grew to curiosity, I was bent on knowing what happened. Putting the pieces together, I needed no soothsayer to tell me I had lost my game to excess sugar. Unbeknownst to me every time I consumed a soft drink, my sex prowess kissed six feet a closer chance, it weakened. Coca-cola was my number one brand, while Pepsi, an alternative best friend. I would consume either like water, hardly would I have a meal without a bottle of Coke or Pepsi. 

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Whew!! I had defeated the elephant that tormented me for more than a year. I used to think my lady hated sex, I recall how quiet she usually is whenever we made love, she would only make sounds during oral sex and go completely silent during penetration. But now, she’s a screamer,  a noisemaker and prayer warrior. Babe now holds my head screaming, calling me beautiful names and praying for me. She now calls me ‘Ife’, chai, good sex is beautiful, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Another beautiful thing is that She has come to see third and fourth rounds as her legitimate right, so we usually begin another round right from the bathroom while cleaning up. Can proudly say that I wasn’t actually getting old, but was careless with my diet. I have kissed both soft drink and masturbation final goodbyes. Again I’ll reiterate that good sex is beautiful and importantly I’m still a SEX KING!!

Black Couple GIFs | Tenor

Reflecting on all that transpired, I have questions… To the men, how important is performance to you? I confided in a friend who told me that he’ll care less if he can’t satisfy a lady for a lengthy time. I perceived it as a pretentious answer though. I feel like a huge part of my ego depends on satisfying her in bed, do you feel the same way or am I weird? Also have you had experiences similar to mine or scares? share with me and your solution, a fellow king reading might be in need of it. Now ladies, sincerely how do you feel when a man doesn’t satisfy you as you want? Would you call it quits on a one-minute man? And now general questions; how long should an ideal sex last?  What’s your take on sex enhancement products? Join the conversation in the comment section below 😃👇👇.

9 min read

Did the title already give this out? Well, I’m sure you’re no novice to the trendy saying “Everyone is going through a lot”. And how hilarious can it get when you stumble on a further read… “Go through it, it’s your turn, dont disturb us”? While this statement has a way of cracking at least a single rib of mine and in fact serves a not literal consolation hug when I’m walking the shadows of what the society reckons as a pedestal for success, sometimes I pause to think. Is it just a phase for everyone? Of course not! For some, the struggles only ascend different phases, a light at the end of the tunnel is but a mirage. Success to these ones have become a necessary evil… and you know what their first crime is? Being the first son and to add salt to injury, the first fruit of their parents. A mantle whose glory shuffles amid a biological and societal curse. 

As it is naturally impossible for me to follow in the wake of experiences meted on first sons and narrate from a first person’s view, I decided to invite three over to reveal their raw share of the burden ever since they kissed mother earth welcome. I categorize their submissions as a blend of the seemingly privileged, the early disadvantaged, and the race as seen even in teenage hood. Together, they give a varying exposure of what first sons are burdened with. Let’s proceed from the middle. 

The first son curse

The Early Disadvantaged (Henry)

“I’m sorry, but my mum advised me not to date first sons because they have ‘too many’ responsibilities” This utterance formed part of the pixels that lead to the fatal end of Henry’s first love affair, and as much as persuasion could have bought him some time, how much longer could she keep up with cuddling empty promises? 

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Deep down, I knew she had a valid point, cause my siblings would always call me to attend to their needs financially. Any sane thinking lady would ask herself questions like; how soon would this man be able to stand without staggering on both feet? Can he give me the life I want knowing his family’s burden? Would this still be our reality when we get married? 

What to Do After a Fight with Your Partner, According to Experts

It’s a cold world for men and an utterly frozen one for first sons like myself. I don’t come from a rich family. We are not rich, neither are we poor. We are trying our best. My late father never regarded education, he was a driver before he died, and likewise his other brother, except his twin who stands out as a businessman. As God would have it, I am the first graduate in my family, not just my nuclear family, but my extended family too. Since I lost my dad, I’ve multitasked being a father & brother to my siblings and husband to my mum. The reason I haven’t started living on my own is because I live for my family. Any revenue I get from whatsoever business I do, I channel it to my family. I’ve been hustling since age 11 when my father died, I recall in Jss2 how I always went to school with a hammer and nails to help my classmates fix their broken lockers at the rate of N150. I had no choice, if I didn’t do it, I’ll be hungry and likewise my siblings too. Mehn leave talk o, the hustle don tey. 

kids hawking to cater for family

My mother has made herself a promise that all her children are going to be graduates and as God would have it, our last born, my only sister, is in her first year in the university. Coupled with the numerous challenges living in Nigeria brings my way, the burden of the first son seems unending especially for a young man like myself in his late 20’s. It’s rather ironic how my siblings see me as an answered prayer not minding how the shoes pinch. I always give in to their demands, maybe not everything but at least to a percentage. I’ve had to make strange sacrifices just to put food on the table, for instance, last year I drove a car from Lagos to Asaba just to earn small money. I mean this is not a bad thing, but I drove it at night , I left at 12 am and arrived in Asaba at 6am. We drove in a convoy. Normally I wouldn’t take the risks knowing the epileptic security situation in Nigeria, but thinking of what problems the money would solve in my family, I’m moved.

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As the leader of the pack, how I behave also affects my siblings, which is why I strive to be well behaved. They look up to my achievements and dread making mistakes I made. Sometimes I wish that life played out differently, not in a way that avoids me being the first son but in a way that I was buoyant enough to help one person to financial liberation and that person helps another, and before you know it everyone would be okay. Unfortunately the dice doesn’t roll in this direction. 

Dice GIF - Dice - Discover & Share GIFs

My mum often tells me to calm down that what is meant for you would come . But she has no idea how it is to be set as a yardstick for success when you’re not successful even a bit. I live for the day when my mum would be greeted with the question “How is Henry? Does he have a job yet?” and there goes my mum, responding with pride and utmost happiness. I know I’m not supposed to pay no mind to the pressure, but personally, I feel the need to. I want to shoulder these responsibilities. The title of being the first son pressures me to succeed. I just want to succeed by all means. 

The Race As Seen Even In Teenage Hood (Oluwole)

It’s how I’m always expected to be the smartest one among my siblings, albeit I’m still young and under my parents’ care. “You are not meant to be this densed, you are the first child”, I often got this remark from my teachers and peers at any slight misbehavior I projected in college. Whew! The last time I checked, no man had all the answers, so why me?? Oluwole screams. 

emotional damage for kids

I have two siblings (male and female), my Mum works as a medical staff of TCN and my Dad works from home (well IDK what he actually does). Both parents are not strict, meaning I have some freedom, privacy and love from them but I am introverted and that means I do not share anything in detail with my parents aside from academics. Now you see the root of my own pressure. According to my parents I am supposed to be great at my academics, better than everybody. But unfortunately, my brain can only take what it can, thankfully, their expectations have been lowered to “at least, do not get less than a C in any subject”. 

Read: Rare Insecurities, My Ordeal With the Slim Curse

My parents do not compare me to my siblings but I am expected to take care of the house well while my siblings can slack off. I must show great leadership. As the first, I am automatically responsible for myself and my siblings behavior as long as I can control it. My siblings can be infuriating sometimes but my parents encourage me to take full responsibility for their misdeeds. If my brother wants to beat the shit out my sister I have to separate and vice versa. It is not always easy because I could get hit too and I might have difficulty not slapping the hell out of them. 

How to Deal with Sibling Fighting?

I loathe the fact that people assume that because one is a firstborn child, he has a higher IQ than the later born siblings or peers. Another assumption is that it influences personality traits and is less likely to be rebellious. I’m yet to find the correlation between birth order and IQ ratings and also being less rebellious is not true as I question absolutely anything.

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I don’t really know what I want to do with my life but I dream of becoming a pro football player but I study computer science. I just want to be successful at any path life takes me. I have struggled with academia for a long time and the improvements I have made with my studies have been as slight as the improvements of FIFA games since 2016. I also can be insolent or nonchalant about serious issues sometimes, plus some social awkwardness. The firstborn “title” is nothing to me.

is the first son title relevant?

The Seemingly Privileged (Uche)

Does being born with a silver spoon make the math math? Let’s hear from Uche…

Growing up with three siblings (two male & one female), we had everything we wanted. My dad is a trader who frequently travels. When we were kids, he would appease us with lots of latest toys and other goodies. I didn’t know there was a thing as pressure until I journeyed into the university and blended with different kinds of people. I wouldn’t have believed if anyone told me at 20, they had to cater for their own fees and meals. These experiences as well as interactions  I witnessed changed my perception about life, I knew I had to level up. 

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I desire to surpass my father’s achievement. He started trading at age 17, made a lot of money and by 21, he had gotten his first car, renovated his family house and progressed well in importation of Jewelries and clothes, and good sales in Engine Oil. I’m in my mid 20’s and I haven’t scratched the chronicles of his achievement, ain’t I a joke? Truth be told, my parents do not care. My father always advises me to calm down and says that the economic situation in our era is way different from his.  

Read: Rare Insecurities, Embracing the Bald Curse

ONE Magazine

The pressure comes from knowing that we are both getting old (My father and I). I feel like I need to make my own money to take care of him and my mum. You may say isn’t his wealth a fall back plan? Well anything can happen, and I would want to be prepared financially. 

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Guess what?! as the first Son, I’m expected to marry from my village, not just my state o, but from my village. It’s a price I must pay. I spoke to my mum about this and she’s not open to me marrying outside my village, let alone outside Anambra state. Yes, I’m from Anambra, guess my statement seals your belief on the speculations/statements on the timeline about Anambra men being mummy’s boy lol, that’s not true o. I feel it lacks spice to marry someone from the same village, we would see how it goes though.

Arranged marriages for first son

Is It Truly To Live?

Like I said earlier, to some, the hustle gives room for no breather. A first born who is equally a first son is like an octopus with many legs, shouldering different tasks at once. Talking to these men, I could not relate 100% and I am sure quite a number of you reading cannot relate vividly too. That’s because it takes experience to relate vividly.  

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On this note, I’d like to rub minds with you. In your opinion, how can first sons feel invincible to the pressure? How can they navigate it better? Do you agree that to truly live as the first son one must shoulder responsibilities? If you’re a first son/child reading this, I’d like to hear of your share of experience too. What is it like and how are you able to put your head above the water? If you do not fall in the aforementioned category, your opinion matters too. Consider this an opportunity to recall sacrifices from that pillar of support sibling in your family. How have they impacted your life in the past years and what advice would you give them? Leave your comments below 🙂👇👇.


9 min read

If you asked 10 men if they’re open to date a virgin lady, 7 of them are sure to slap you back with a resounding ‘NO’. Or maybe it’s all bants when social media is involved huh? Well, I decided to arrive at a bit more practical statistics via our Instagram handle, where I created a poll that read “Guys!! Have you ever disvirgined a lady before?” and tell you what, the result left my jaw ajar. I expected that the number of NO’s would be a far mile away from the “YESES” but could you believe that out of 49 votes, 22 men voted YES?! At this finding, I felt a better justification was to press further, seeking information bearing more depth that either verifies or nullifies certain popular opinions about female virginity.  

Contrary to how the internet is flooded with ladies telling stories about their first sex experience, and men doing same also, I decided to flip the script– telling the stories from the other parties POV. What goes down when a man decides to have sex with a virgin lady ? I sought to explore majorly the emotional/psychological state of the man during the phase (before & after). How long was the wait? How long did it take to attain full penetration? Were they at any point scared? What were the emotions felt during and after? Did the relationship get better or awkward? Would they do it all over again?

benefits of being a virgin couple

Hey Mutterer, below, 3 men share their experience with me. While the emotions portrayed in all three is not a guaranteed mutual feeling for every man, I hope that you find something to hold on to. 

Peer Pressure

I was 22 and she was 18, we were both virgins. One time she came home from school and suggested we tried, I told her I couldn’t because I hadn’t done a thing like that before but she insisted, adding that she has heard lots of stories from her friends in school about how they enjoy sex with their men and was eager to know what it feels like. I remember telling her she was too young and I couldn’t do it because I was a novice. After much pressure I gave in. 

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The first day we tried, it was backbreaking. She kept crying due to pains and my big dick wasn’t helping, it made it worse. I couldn’t bear seeing her in pain so I insisted we stopped, but she wasn’t having it. Very determined. She cried even harder and asked that we continued. However, the long try still wasn’t successful so we fixed another date. First time sex: 5 things that you should know about it -

Before our next meeting, I avoided her, to be sincere, I was hell scared. I didn’t want another round of seeing a woman in pain. Also the thought of blood made me even more scared. However, we fixed a date when no one was home. Before this, I used my phone to research some helpful tips on google, and tell you what, I got a whole lot of tips.

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From my research, I deduced there was no need to rush to penetrate, but it had to be gentle. Start from kissing and caressing and then thorough romance so that she can be wet enough and yearn for the penis. So I followed the script judiciously. I started kissing her from her neck, down other parts of her body. I touched her intensely and intermittently used my hands to caress her clits. I would have tried cunnilingus cause it was among the tips but I had no idea how to at the time. As stated, she started to yearn for the dick so I proceeded.  Although very wet, she still retreated when I sought entry and when I tried using my fingers with hopes that it was a better option she appeared even more scared. I was only able to get as far as her clitoris and revolver. It was like a tug of war. 

The Hymen: Breaking the Myths - Our Bodies Ourselves

Now this time she’s even more wet…I tried with my dick and boom! I was in, I penetrated the hymen. The whole process took close to 2 hours, there was a little blood and she started crying. I got confused and reached to clean her up and console her. She pushed me away and asked me to leave her alone. I didn’t know what to do, but she kept on crying and crying.  I was confused but left. The following day and after, she was avoiding me and wouldn’t speak to me. I was so confused, I mean, she wanted it and now this??

Read: A Long Haul Down My Vagina

After about three days,  she called me and apologized. She said she was happy she felt like a lady and at the same time sad. Sad because her friends in school also told her that when a man has sex with a lady for her first time he would leave her. I assured her that I liked her and she was also my first. I promised her that our love would wax stronger, and really it did, we grew so in love. Going forward we tried severally and for some reason, it was like she got addicted. She’ll ring my phone virtually everyday for us to have sex, we had sex like five times in a week. She also became clingy, called me at all times and said she just wants to hear from me. I could see she was in love or maybe more in love with the sex. I loved her quite all right but hers was more. It was like I used jazz on her.  I wont lie, the sex made our relationship awkward. However, I left for university and lack of communication created a huge gap. She found someone else and reduced the attention towards me. The rest is history.

dating a virgin

She Didn’t Tell Me She Was A Virgin

She was a friend to my cousin. We always met at the village at the end of the year, she comes in on the 31st to leave on the 3rd of January, while I normally stayed for a week or more sometimes. We had been dating for like three years, and the sexual aspect was just kisses and smooching. 

Read: And What If He’s A Virgin at 30?

On the d-day, we left for the village school outside the village, which was our normal spot for making out. She was in jeans with an iron belt and white top. We started making out and it was intense and we decided to take it further. Prior to this, we had never discussed the issue of virginity, I didn’t even think she was a virgin because she stays in Bariga. First, It was very difficult to get rid of the belt, it took like 45mins to do that and pull off the jeans, after which I reached for the condoms in my wallet while we both laid on the floor. I tried to penetrate and noticed that she was in pain and was crying all through. When I was done, I noticed blood stains which were visible on the white pant she wore. I asked her and she confirmed she was a virgin. She kept crying, so I had to pet her for up to an hour. I was begging the whole time because she said I was too rough on her. 

what to know during first sex with a lady

However, she stopped crying and told me to tell her I love her, which I did. She then insisted for one more round, although I was tired and just wanted to sleep but I had to do it for her. We went to the back of the church which was not far from the school to have a quick doggy, it was lovely and she enjoyed it. She kissed me deeply immediately we were done and we both went to our various hut. She left before I woke up. We saw a year later and we continued but lost touch after then.

“I Think I’m Ready”

We were both in love, and had been dating for like a year. She’d talk about some pretty racy shit cause she was into a lot of erotic fiction. We’d mess around, kiss and engage in a lot of oral sex and I’d play with her pussy, but that was about it. I did my best to not pressure her though but still body no be firewood…and she was sexy AF(still is).

Catch Up On: My First Sex Experience Series

One time we were bathing together, I got carried away and tried going pass our normal routine…mehn! it wasn’t funny, I spent the night apologizing because she was in pain. Times where we had normal couple issues she’d always attribute my “behavior” to the fact that we hadn’t had sex bla bla…but I was faithful. I actually loved her and really enjoyed her company so it was only natural for me to perish ideas that involved being with someone else.  

does disvirgining a lady make you clingy?

The D-day was pretty weird lol…I had just resumed for the semester and didn’t tell her cause I wanted to surprise her (I know…romantic b.s) I went to the house of a mutual friend of ours and as expected I met her there, so yeah the surprise went well. We went back to my place that evening and started our usual make out, then oral sex which I was pretty okay with and then the shocker…she said, “I think I’m ready”. I recall asking her like five times  to be sure to avoid messy stories later on. 

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The first few seconds-minutes were a bit of a struggle but with the help of trusty ol’ baby oil we conquered, lol. I did my best to help her through it all by asking her when to stop or if I should pull out. Eventually after a couple thrusts we got the hang of it. I could tell it was still a bit painful for her but I kept on reassuring her and It felt really great for me. We both didn’t cum though but it lasted about 15-20 mins and there was just a little patch of blood on me afterwards. We bathed and slept in each other’s arms.

Guys, Have You Ever Disvirgined A Lady? (How Was The Experience Like?)

The next day we did it again and this time it was better. The only issue was she was getting sore which was majorly my fault cause I hadn’t gotten used to her tempo. Like we got mad closer after it, and she became a freak. We got to experience all the sex styles she’d been reading and also more open to my ideas.  One time she rode me on the decking of an uncompleted apartment close to my place in the view of the full moon and shit. It was wild because that was the spot guys usually smoked. We almost got spotted then we went downstairs into one of the uncompleted rooms and finished there. 

We had great sexual chemistry and moving on from her was really hard cause I was totally invested in her emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually. But I guess we just had to let go at one point. Met up again late last year (we were both single) and the sex was still top notch. If presented with the chance to do it again, I’ll change the settings and make it a bit more romantic, other than that I’ll gladly do it again.disvirgining a lady

My One Cent

Like I stated at the opening, my reason for doing this was to actually see through at least a fraction of what goes on in the minds of men when it comes to disvirgining a lady. Frankly, I feel that looking back, the men reckon it was a beautiful moment shared, especially the third story, who also according to his embellished description was a player but found something to live for. This equally proves that the ‘hard guy’ syndrome can become a melted mountain with the right one. 

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Also importantly, another popular opinion I wanted to verify with this is the statement “Do not have sex with a virgin lady, cause they become clingy”, story one gives me my answer. Then there is the statement “Avoid virgin ladies because they’ll suck in bed”… the three stories especially the last all debunk this. 

Guess what, I also ran a poll for the ladies, I asked “Ladies!! Do you sometimes regret the circumstances surrounding losing your virginity?” 48 voted YES and 39 voted NO.

Hmmmm… on this note, I’ll conclude by asking the following questions; To the men, having read these stories, would you be willing to date a virgin lady? What are your reservations about virginity? And if you have dated one before, what was the outcome? To the ladies, prior to losing your virginity, were you ever shy to say you’re one or proud of it?  Mind sharing your experience too, be it regret or joy? Also if you haven’t scratched this surface, why so? This should be interesting but mostly enlightening for all of us. Kindly leave your comments below 🤗👇👇.