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2 min read

You know you can see two people together every time, going about the same stuff, eating side by side in the cafeteria, laughing at the same jokes, sometimes wearing the same outfit, plying the same route, etc. but they are not actually friends.

This habit is most common with students, we all need something from one another and so we form allies. We need someone to help us lobby our names on the attendance sheet whenever we will be missing lectures, someone to give the silent calls and codes during exams, etc.

Read: Friendship is a Ruse

Often, It is not only two individuals who form this kind of union, most times it is usually up to a cartel number, you see a group of four or five people walking together and going about the same stuff but more than half the time, they are not friends, only together for a reason.

I remember following this ritual when I was in college. Four ladies who connected because of school work, weekends were not an option, but you see Mondays until Fridays, we will practically blow up each other’s phones with rings. “Babe, what’s up? Are you coming to lectures? Mr O said we will be writing a test, please reserve a space for me”…similar needs like this, we will always request from one another. We knew we weren’t friends. But guess what! We worked things out. Through the heat of various requests, we were able to figure one another out, knowing what each other likes and dislikes and viola! We are still friends till today.

Read: The Friends Chart; When they dont Tell You
not actually friends
Sharing good moments together does not mean you are friends.

Why am I writing this? Most times we deliberately form these allies, other times it happens subconsciously. You just find yourself always with a particular person or a mini group. Some people get it wrong, they think they have made friends and begin to scream betrayal when the person they thought they had made friends with crosses over to another party.

Never be foolish to think you are friends, at least not immediately. When a group is no longer serving its purpose, the ones who knew the core ingredient that attracted them to the group always leave because they invested no affection.

Read: Why you should say No even when convienient

Not every two individuals you see together always are friends. I’m sure you have an idea of what I am talking about. Have you ever asked someone:

You-  Hey! Where is Nancy, we haven’t seen her in a while?

Person- I don’t know, not heard from her in a while too.

You- too! I actually thought you were friends.

Person- Ah really! No!  We are not close o.

And that’s the truth, they are not actually friends but only served the same purpose at the time.

 

3 min read

Blum House ‘Fantasy Island’ tells a story about five people who are lucky guests on an Island “where any and everything is possible“. An island where wishes although come true, turns into prison or nightmare. The film follows each individual’s fantasy, revealing the psyche of each character; their personal battles and demons, the road they wish they took as things slowly get out of control.

The pace of the movie is excellent, as it gives the viewers a walk through each character’s personality and journey without the need for a long back story. The fantasy begins soon after the characters settle in and not long after, so does the chaos.

Read: The Mask Of Civility

Watching ‘Fantasy Island’, I had summarized the outcome of the movie, as I do with most horror, thriller or suspense movies for fun, but the writers, Jeff Wadlow, Chris Roach and Jillian Jacobs, throw in beautiful curve balls and plot twists as if prepared for cynics like me.

Fantasy Island' Trailer: Blumhouse Remakes Classic Show as Horror ...

Frankly, I was skeptic about watching the horror thriller film because of the impression I got from Jason Blum’s previous production ‘Us’. Not to take anything away from the cast who did very well,  and also the final revelation of the main character (Adelaide Wilson) played by Lupita Nyong’o. But as part of the twist included the whole town rather than just Adelaide’s family, it lost the very beautiful direction the story was taking. Sorry for deviating, I just had to chip in the comparison to emphasize how impressed I am with Jason Blum on this one. 

Read: A Mask On Our Stupid

fantasy island on muttering minds

I tip my hat to the cast, especially Michael Peña who plays Mr Roarke, the curator/owner of the fantasy island. For someone who is no stranger to comedy, he does very well in shifting personality and delivery in executing a man who’s dream and ambition comes at a cost and so he lives burdened with his choices.

Fantasy Island review on muttering minds

The movie passes an age-old school of thought, “The grass is greener on the other side”. People always feel dissatisfied with their reality. Always wishing for more and because of the beauty of imagination, we actually become discontent with reality, only to realize we have to make the best out of what we have. It also tolls forgiveness and acceptance.

muttering minds fantasy island review

‘Fantasy Island’ is a thrilling movie for fans of the horror/ thriller genre. After watching the movie I asked myself, “If wishes became horses for real, will I actually ride?” I don’t think so. I will leave you with a quote from the beautiful song in the end by Jared Lee “Don’t wish your life away” that captures the essence of the movie.

“There’s a fine line between what we want and what we need…Don’t wish your life away…Don’t live for yesterday”.

 

 

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3 min read

When I heard a movie rose to a crescendo by bagging four awards at the Oscars this year, I knew I needed to have that movie on my big screen, making a hit with my eyes and mind as well.

Parasite! Yes, that is it! the gut-twisting comedy thriller directed by  Bong Joon-ho tours the train of thought amid the poor and how desperate times can trigger disjointed measures. 

Mere taking the movie title for face value, one would think that its one of those alien invasions or virus movies, but it’s not. Like in plain terms, the word parasite refers to an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense. Now relate this to the human setting.

Movie Poster of the Week: The Posters of “Parasite” in 2020 ...

Brief Plot

Co-written by Han Jin-won, Parasite is a film about two families, both a far cry away from each other in the social-economic sphere, the rich and the poor. The rich play a subliminal host and the poor in perfected deceit play the parasite. What happens when the parasite discovers there is another parasite feasting on its host? Will they cooperate or allow greed to finetune their fate?

The poor family is referred to as the Kim family. They comprise of the father Ki-taek, mother Chung-sook, daughter Ki-jung and son Ki-woo. The four struggle to make ends meet through a shallow paying part-time pizza box folders job done in their small apartment situated in the impoverished part of the city. 

Luck smiles on the son Ki-woo, who with the help of a friend is found worthy to tutor the rich, Mr. and Mrs. Parks daughter, Park Da-hye. To cut the long story short, he manipulates the home and paves way for the rest of his family members through ulterior and hoodwinking routes.  

 

Pointers/ Lessons

As usual, no spoilers but more than enough pointers indicating why you should watch Parasite.

  • A Clear View of Capitalism: Parasite’s storyline goes beyond just telling a story for the sake of making a film. It’s brilliant narrative centers on the practice of capitalism in South Korean culture. It depicts the wealth gap and financial limitations in a clear-cut sensitive way that makes it relatable to anyone watching no matter where they hail from.
  • Being Poor Is Not A Prerequisite For Humility: Just like not all heroes wear capes, not every poor person you see is humble. If you think that because a poor man has nothing, he will be at your beck and call then you might need to watch your back. Yes, he might actually give his all to serve you just to get food on his table; his hidden intentions might be a bitter pill to swallow. A similar case is the Kim family, take a look at how without remorse, they eliminated everyone who stood in their way just to secure a premium spot in the Parks house. And the Parks couldn’t smell the coffee because they were blinded by their feign humility.
  • Greed Is Not A Financial Issue. It’s A Heart Issue: Familiar with the popular saying ‘When a man has money, his true colors start to show’, this resonates with Kim family. Their case can be likened to someone having a taste of honey from a jar which is not theirs and then not wanting anyone else to have a taste even if the owner of the jar would not mind. Kim family and the ex-house keeper Moon-gwang and her husband could have lived peacefully in the same house but they chose to indulge in a senseless fight which resulted in a tragedy. It just goes to show that greed is not a financial issue but a heart issue. Both families already have their minds polluted with greed that no matter the convenience they got, it will not be enough.

 

Conclusion

Parasite is a movie whose scenes stick in your head after watching it. It is a blend of laudable directing, exemplary story writing, skilled acting from the cast, and astounding cinematography.

It won four awards at the 2020 Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best International Feature Film. It also became the first South Korean film to receive an Academy Award for Best Picture. Its achievements are so many feathers in Bong Joon-ho’s cap.

You can’t afford bath breaks while watching Parasite because of its metaphorical written script, directing and production. You snooze, you lose! But that won’t happen because the intriguing scenes from stage one down to the surreal experience from the middle till the end will get you sunk in connection. In short, it’s a stroke of genius!

 

Click Here To Submit Your Own Movie Reviews

 

2 min read

Just like it is okay not to take a phone call, it is also okay not to respond to an online chat.

If you send me a message via Whatsapp or any of the other chat enabling apps, I have the right to ignore. By ignoring I mean reading without a response or not opening the chat at all.

Online chatting is not a relay race. Your messages are not a baton that a recipient ought to run with immediately he/she receives it and then responds immediately.

Expecting a fast reply or same mood from the recipient  is an epileptic way of maintaining relations. If you chat a person up, they are not bound to match your energy at the moment. They can decide to be numb, overly excited or flow with the same energy, the choice is theirs. Just like we have good and bad days, so is our receptiveness to chats.

It’s very foolish to say “I actually chatted her up but the vibe she gave me was bad, I had to end the conversation”. Did you care to find out if she was in the right mood? 

online chatting
Online chatting is not a relay race.

I also observed that a lot of us avoid being the ones to end a chat. For example;

John Doe– Nice pics you got there.

You Thank you.

John Doe– You are welcome.

You– Yeah.

John Doe– Ok

You– Alright

Ideally, the chat should have ended at John Doe’s ‘You are welcome’. But No! We think that leaving him on ‘read’ is a rude thing to do. Ok, let’s agree it is rude, of what meaning are the other words then? 

Listen! online chatting is not difficult. HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: Never expect the same energy from the recipient. 

READ 10 Great rules to be followed in a Basic Chat

If you require the same energy, you better put a call across to inform them that you will love to chat at a certain time for preparedness sake, and this is not even a guarantee. Even your best chat buddy cannot be goofy every time.

Yeah lest I forget, if you chat with someone and they left your message unattended, there’s no harm in sending them another message. They probably got carried away with something else.

2 min read
Bird Box is kinda metaphorical to me meaning “quiet place”, you may want to carry a bird wherever you go cause birds can sense danger and also are acutely sensitive…
Amidst the horror, the suspense, and the tensed state the movie put me through, these important elements made up the movie to me- family, love, survival, (more)
A Family not by blood but interest. The sense to want to save and help the other person, the love was shared well maybe it was because of the condition but everyone looked out for each other.
Survival. some people call it “survival of the fittest”. I did learn that every day we see is a survival of the fittest, not only by strength though…
And the kids in the movie….’ Girl’ and ‘Boy’ as they were called, I totally understood the lady Malorie when she discontinued that black cute guy from feeding the kids with fantasy which of cos would just make the kids wanna dream and explore,and I mean its ok to explore and dream of a fairytale life but I deduced from that life isn’t a fairytale.
Bird Box
A family not by blood but interest
Life isn’t what we hear it or see it be especially in this social media age. Life is good, to be experienced in our own way just the way it is. The kids got to understand though. I also get the part that “kids are kids and should be treated like one”.
The Blindfold was one brave act. In reality, if we could discipline and blindfold ourselves figuratively, we would focus more on tasks ahead and things that really need to get done.
Then again I thought to myself if, in reality, some things we do could actually kill us if we dared to look, a lot of people would stick to blindfolds but some will eventually pass away cos in the real world some people are like goats who don’t listen… “don’t open your eyes, unless you die” the eagerness to wanna see and know does kill and is not always good…Thank You ❤️
5 min read

Finally a wrap on our First Sex Experience Series. Aaaaaahhhhh!!! Drum rolls!! Belly tingling💃💃 and plenty of cheerssssss🥂….lol😁. The stories featured no doubt were a roller coaster of so many emotions ranging from pity to relief, gross grease to triggers, fragility to laughter and of course lessons. So tell me, did you learn a thing or more? 

Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet after getting an undiluted portion of people’s lives, so I’ll go first. Before I proceed I would like to especially thank those who submitted their stories. You see, penning the story is not the actual deal here but finding a balance with the courage to look back on the gory scenes ( to those who had an unpleasant first time), details, emotions and then carving a silver lining is everything. THANK YOU. Also, my sincere apologies to those who I couldn’t post their stories, the fault is on me, your stories were good enough. I undermined the turnout, I placed only a week for the series because I didn’t think many people were going to share their stories but the turnout surpassed my expectations. 

first time sex
Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet…

Now The Lessons

One of the purposes of the series was to prove if some sex myths are real, some of which I included while announcing the series. However, reading through the stories, I came to the conclusion that they are not myths but actually facts although not evident in everyone’s first time. Below are some of the things I learned;

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  • Change The Narrative:  Dealing with abuse is tough. If there is any lesson I wouldn’t miss from the first entry, “A ‘Red Episode’ Turned ‘Fairytale Romance”, is the strength shown by the writer. I admire her for taking charge of her memory, how she was able to forgo the first experience, and clinched to the better second is everything. Asides from sex, I most definitely will replicate this act going forward, choosing to see only the good and burying the bad.

first sex experience

  • Be Mindful Of Who You Keep Close: From Abuse To Addiction’ is a biting epiphany. It proves that many people molested at a tender age were either molested by relatives or close parties. I will end this by quoting what a follower on Twitter, @oshiombo_alaka said in reaction to the story “What is happening to your children when you are away from home? Are the people you entrust your children with worthy of the responsibility? The failure to promote moral uprightness will hurt every one of us. Are you willing to stand for what is right in everything around you?”

first sex experience

  • Pain, Joy… And The Clingy Bits: One story that checked some of our proposed sex myths is ‘Pleasure And Gateway To My Insecurities’. The writer having acknowledged the pain and pleasure lets us in on the aftermath of her sex experience. Despite admitting to having her first sex with someone she was heels over head in love with, she found herself getting insecure and clingy and that became the death of the relationship. It made me realize that most break-ups that occur after a girl’s first sex might not actually be because the dude got what he wanted but because insecurities and incessant fights play a vital role.

first sex experience

 

  • A Rise In Ego: hehehehehehehe… yes, I am laughing and if you followed the series you can easily figure out the culprit story. Yesssss…‘Teenage Sexventure Gone Wild’. The writer was apparently the only one who decided not to play anonymous and rather than judge him, you end of having a good laugh. He checked one of our sex myths, ‘ego boost’ for men. Most men had their ego a step ahead after laying with a woman for the first time. In Joshua’s words… “Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex…”

first sex experience

 

  • For You Or Society: ‘A Tale Of Two Rookies’ takes off the cloak on celibacy and virginity. Do you understand the importance of celibacy and keeping your virginity? Or you are one of those lost in society’s yardstick for measuring virtue. Why celibacy? What happens when you do or don’t? Everyone ought to have a meaning for themselves, not just jumping on the bandwagon.

first sex experience

 

  • Curiosity Killed The Cat: Ideally reading the title ‘Taste And See…’ one is curious to know what the writer tasted and found out. Did he taste sex to become an addict or did he taste sex to flee? You never know until you read. If you are curious to know how sex feels chances are you’ll end up regretting your first try because of the many expectations you had. 

first sex experience

 

Observations/ Suggestions

Special thanks to everyone who ensured good publicity for the series by posting daily updates via their social media handles. Despite the sensitivity surrounding the word ‘sex’ and backlash from rigid minds, some of you kept publicizing regardless. Sincerely, I’m taken by your kind gesture.  

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While the First Sex Experience Series was on, some parties who were unable to catch up asked if there was an e-book available for download. So I got thinking, should we create an e-book for the series? Perhaps it will also be a good idea to include all the stories that didn’t make it to the website. On the other hand, I feel the individuals who have their stories featured have a huge role in deciding whether or not. Please let me know your opinion in the comment section.

first sex experience
Spot the Logo on the book cover!!! Art by my beloved friend Onyinye Okechukwu. She is a video editor and a digital artist…and also a full-fledged Mutterer

Now the deal with the comment section! I’m curious to know why you read and zooooooommmmmmmm… are the articles so uninteresting and not cogitating enough for me to get your feedback? Remember it’s Muttering Minds, if you don’t comment your reservations here, where else? So shall we…? Let’s start with the lessons you learned from the sex series, One! Two! Ready! Go!

 

2 min read

Have you ever felt so detached from a very close friend immediately after meeting another close friend of theirs? seeing the level at which both of them rapport your thoughts be like ‘Damn! I thought I was the closest to you man

As read in George Orwell’s Animal farm that ‘All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others (A proclamation by the pigs who control the government in the novel)’ so is the case of friendship in real life. Many times because of the reception we are given by someone, we get entitled that we assume the role ofbest friend‘ or ‘Able Confidants’ in their lives. Funny enough, It’s not like they handed us that tag, we just automatically believe it has to be us, after all he/she tells you about every junk that comes out of their heart yeah.

And then boom! On a very good day you meet with a friend of theirs they have always told you about…

You begin to see such genuine gestures(Laughter, hugs, jokes) shared by both of them. They catch up on issues they shared over the phone, issues you thought you alone who had knowledge of.

friends
At this point you are very insignificant, floating in the conversation but…

READ: FRIENDSHIP IS A RUSE

Even the stories you know zilch about are being discussed… And then you are left with no choice but to follow throughout the conversation with very skeptical smiles and forceful awkward laughs while a thousand and one thoughts are dancing in your head. At this point you are very insignificant, floating in the conversation but your pretense power got to be strong Yeah!😊

‘Wow! when did they discuss all these… even the ones I don’t know, how come?…I actually thought I was the closest one’. In the midst of all these thoughts you can’t do nothing but die in silence and get pampered by high class Jealousy 😂 lol.

READ: NOT ACTUALLY FRIENDS! AT LEAST NOT NOW

I know majority of us have had this experience, some might be going through it right now. So here’s the thing, never assume you are the only ear a person talks to. You might just be the ear for channeling shafts while some other ear gets the real deal. Before you assume the role of bestie/confidants, have you met their other close friends?

READ: THE FRIENDS CHART: WHEN THEY DON’T TELL YOU

One key thing I have noticed about friendship is that the closest friends to us are most times not the ones we can easily reach proximity wise, they are always far apart from us. We might not talk daily with them but when we do, we replay events to them exactly as they happened. This we don’t really do with the people we claim are close to us even physically and sincerely I actually don’t know why relationships are fashioned this way but it is what it is yeah😳.

9 min read

If you asked 10 men if they’re open to date a virgin lady, 7 of them are sure to slap you back with a resounding ‘NO’. Or maybe it’s all bants when social media is involved huh? Well, I decided to arrive at a bit more practical statistics via our Instagram handle, where I created a poll that read “Guys!! Have you ever disvirgined a lady before?” and tell you what, the result left my jaw ajar. I expected that the number of NO’s would be a far mile away from the “YESES” but could you believe that out of 49 votes, 22 men voted YES?! At this finding, I felt a better justification was to press further, seeking information bearing more depth that either verifies or nullifies certain popular opinions about female virginity.  

Contrary to how the internet is flooded with ladies telling stories about their first sex experience, and men doing same also, I decided to flip the script– telling the stories from the other parties POV. What goes down when a man decides to have sex with a virgin lady ? I sought to explore majorly the emotional/psychological state of the man during the phase (before & after). How long was the wait? How long did it take to attain full penetration? Were they at any point scared? What were the emotions felt during and after? Did the relationship get better or awkward? Would they do it all over again?

benefits of being a virgin couple

Hey Mutterer, below, 3 men share their experience with me. While the emotions portrayed in all three is not a guaranteed mutual feeling for every man, I hope that you find something to hold on to. 

Peer Pressure

I was 22 and she was 18, we were both virgins. One time she came home from school and suggested we tried, I told her I couldn’t because I hadn’t done a thing like that before but she insisted, adding that she has heard lots of stories from her friends in school about how they enjoy sex with their men and was eager to know what it feels like. I remember telling her she was too young and I couldn’t do it because I was a novice. After much pressure I gave in. 

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The first day we tried, it was backbreaking. She kept crying due to pains and my big dick wasn’t helping, it made it worse. I couldn’t bear seeing her in pain so I insisted we stopped, but she wasn’t having it. Very determined. She cried even harder and asked that we continued. However, the long try still wasn’t successful so we fixed another date. First time sex: 5 things that you should know about it -

Before our next meeting, I avoided her, to be sincere, I was hell scared. I didn’t want another round of seeing a woman in pain. Also the thought of blood made me even more scared. However, we fixed a date when no one was home. Before this, I used my phone to research some helpful tips on google, and tell you what, I got a whole lot of tips.

For Further Discussions and Bants, Click Here to Join Our Telegram Channel / Chatroom

From my research, I deduced there was no need to rush to penetrate, but it had to be gentle. Start from kissing and caressing and then thorough romance so that she can be wet enough and yearn for the penis. So I followed the script judiciously. I started kissing her from her neck, down other parts of her body. I touched her intensely and intermittently used my hands to caress her clits. I would have tried cunnilingus cause it was among the tips but I had no idea how to at the time. As stated, she started to yearn for the dick so I proceeded.  Although very wet, she still retreated when I sought entry and when I tried using my fingers with hopes that it was a better option she appeared even more scared. I was only able to get as far as her clitoris and revolver. It was like a tug of war. 

The Hymen: Breaking the Myths - Our Bodies Ourselves

Now this time she’s even more wet…I tried with my dick and boom! I was in, I penetrated the hymen. The whole process took close to 2 hours, there was a little blood and she started crying. I got confused and reached to clean her up and console her. She pushed me away and asked me to leave her alone. I didn’t know what to do, but she kept on crying and crying.  I was confused but left. The following day and after, she was avoiding me and wouldn’t speak to me. I was so confused, I mean, she wanted it and now this??

Read: A Long Haul Down My Vagina

After about three days,  she called me and apologized. She said she was happy she felt like a lady and at the same time sad. Sad because her friends in school also told her that when a man has sex with a lady for her first time he would leave her. I assured her that I liked her and she was also my first. I promised her that our love would wax stronger, and really it did, we grew so in love. Going forward we tried severally and for some reason, it was like she got addicted. She’ll ring my phone virtually everyday for us to have sex, we had sex like five times in a week. She also became clingy, called me at all times and said she just wants to hear from me. I could see she was in love or maybe more in love with the sex. I loved her quite all right but hers was more. It was like I used jazz on her.  I wont lie, the sex made our relationship awkward. However, I left for university and lack of communication created a huge gap. She found someone else and reduced the attention towards me. The rest is history.

dating a virgin

She Didn’t Tell Me She Was A Virgin

She was a friend to my cousin. We always met at the village at the end of the year, she comes in on the 31st to leave on the 3rd of January, while I normally stayed for a week or more sometimes. We had been dating for like three years, and the sexual aspect was just kisses and smooching. 

Read: And What If He’s A Virgin at 30?

On the d-day, we left for the village school outside the village, which was our normal spot for making out. She was in jeans with an iron belt and white top. We started making out and it was intense and we decided to take it further. Prior to this, we had never discussed the issue of virginity, I didn’t even think she was a virgin because she stays in Bariga. First, It was very difficult to get rid of the belt, it took like 45mins to do that and pull off the jeans, after which I reached for the condoms in my wallet while we both laid on the floor. I tried to penetrate and noticed that she was in pain and was crying all through. When I was done, I noticed blood stains which were visible on the white pant she wore. I asked her and she confirmed she was a virgin. She kept crying, so I had to pet her for up to an hour. I was begging the whole time because she said I was too rough on her. 

what to know during first sex with a lady

However, she stopped crying and told me to tell her I love her, which I did. She then insisted for one more round, although I was tired and just wanted to sleep but I had to do it for her. We went to the back of the church which was not far from the school to have a quick doggy, it was lovely and she enjoyed it. She kissed me deeply immediately we were done and we both went to our various hut. She left before I woke up. We saw a year later and we continued but lost touch after then.

“I Think I’m Ready”

We were both in love, and had been dating for like a year. She’d talk about some pretty racy shit cause she was into a lot of erotic fiction. We’d mess around, kiss and engage in a lot of oral sex and I’d play with her pussy, but that was about it. I did my best to not pressure her though but still body no be firewood…and she was sexy AF(still is).

Catch Up On: My First Sex Experience Series

One time we were bathing together, I got carried away and tried going pass our normal routine…mehn! it wasn’t funny, I spent the night apologizing because she was in pain. Times where we had normal couple issues she’d always attribute my “behavior” to the fact that we hadn’t had sex bla bla…but I was faithful. I actually loved her and really enjoyed her company so it was only natural for me to perish ideas that involved being with someone else.  

does disvirgining a lady make you clingy?

The D-day was pretty weird lol…I had just resumed for the semester and didn’t tell her cause I wanted to surprise her (I know…romantic b.s) I went to the house of a mutual friend of ours and as expected I met her there, so yeah the surprise went well. We went back to my place that evening and started our usual make out, then oral sex which I was pretty okay with and then the shocker…she said, “I think I’m ready”. I recall asking her like five times  to be sure to avoid messy stories later on. 

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The first few seconds-minutes were a bit of a struggle but with the help of trusty ol’ baby oil we conquered, lol. I did my best to help her through it all by asking her when to stop or if I should pull out. Eventually after a couple thrusts we got the hang of it. I could tell it was still a bit painful for her but I kept on reassuring her and It felt really great for me. We both didn’t cum though but it lasted about 15-20 mins and there was just a little patch of blood on me afterwards. We bathed and slept in each other’s arms.

Guys, Have You Ever Disvirgined A Lady? (How Was The Experience Like?)

The next day we did it again and this time it was better. The only issue was she was getting sore which was majorly my fault cause I hadn’t gotten used to her tempo. Like we got mad closer after it, and she became a freak. We got to experience all the sex styles she’d been reading and also more open to my ideas.  One time she rode me on the decking of an uncompleted apartment close to my place in the view of the full moon and shit. It was wild because that was the spot guys usually smoked. We almost got spotted then we went downstairs into one of the uncompleted rooms and finished there. 

We had great sexual chemistry and moving on from her was really hard cause I was totally invested in her emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually. But I guess we just had to let go at one point. Met up again late last year (we were both single) and the sex was still top notch. If presented with the chance to do it again, I’ll change the settings and make it a bit more romantic, other than that I’ll gladly do it again.disvirgining a lady

My One Cent

Like I stated at the opening, my reason for doing this was to actually see through at least a fraction of what goes on in the minds of men when it comes to disvirgining a lady. Frankly, I feel that looking back, the men reckon it was a beautiful moment shared, especially the third story, who also according to his embellished description was a player but found something to live for. This equally proves that the ‘hard guy’ syndrome can become a melted mountain with the right one. 

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Also importantly, another popular opinion I wanted to verify with this is the statement “Do not have sex with a virgin lady, cause they become clingy”, story one gives me my answer. Then there is the statement “Avoid virgin ladies because they’ll suck in bed”… the three stories especially the last all debunk this. 

Guess what, I also ran a poll for the ladies, I asked “Ladies!! Do you sometimes regret the circumstances surrounding losing your virginity?” 48 voted YES and 39 voted NO.

Hmmmm… on this note, I’ll conclude by asking the following questions; To the men, having read these stories, would you be willing to date a virgin lady? What are your reservations about virginity? And if you have dated one before, what was the outcome? To the ladies, prior to losing your virginity, were you ever shy to say you’re one or proud of it?  Mind sharing your experience too, be it regret or joy? Also if you haven’t scratched this surface, why so? This should be interesting but mostly enlightening for all of us. Kindly leave your comments below 🤗👇👇.

9 min read

Shit!! I hate to admit it but my ex is the most interesting person I talk to. Well, what’s there to hate?? He was first my friend before we dated…then we metamorphosed to exes. And now we’re back as friends 🤗. 

With us, it’s usually a ‘call this person at your own risk’… Calling Obie means all other activities on hold because it’s always a long-ride conversation.  Nah, not some love talks about trying to rekindle a fire that’s lost. I like to believe we’ve found our true fire, a fire that’s forged from a telepathic adventure of knowing so well about each other and knowing what’s uniquely best for each other. Obie is an ingenious young man, talking is really not cheap with him.

I once suggested we turned our conversations to a podcast as they’re very enlightening (folks on Naked Minds can relate) but then there’s every chance it’ll get diluted per the camera effect.

humbling experience

But I’ll be sharing one with you today. Obie sent me a voice note, detailing his most humbling experiences in life. A humbling experience in my opinion is one that makes you realize that the other side of the coin you less cherish can knock you off in split seconds and there’s really nothing you can do. It’s one that opens your eyes to actual realities about yourself and others. It makes you understand that it’s okay to not be seen as important as you think you are. Things will not always go your way no matter how in charge you perceive yourself.  Sometimes, a humbling experience can involve a life on the line.

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When push comes to shove, there are lessons to learn. Following is a transcribed VN of Obie’s humbling experiences. I’m sharing this with hopes that it triggers your memory to recall yours and importantly the lessons.

humbling experience

The Squid Game Evoked Weed Nightmare 

So Uju yeah,  I was relaxing and watching Squid Game and there’s this episode I just saw which was like a win-or-die game and people had to choose partners. Some died, some made sacrifices and you could see people with good intentions trying to trick their teammates just to survive. It was crazy because I could imagine their fears which kind of made me think like “What was one of the scariest moments of my life?” I think maybe it’s something else, I don’t know… but the surface level is when we were dating and we had that whole weed and I mixed all those drugs and we cooked it in the indomie and you were overreacting…Jesus Christ…*deep sigh*

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced something like that in my life, I don’t know whether it’s because for my own part, I was equally very high or I was scared as fuck mehn… Jesus Christ! I was scared, I was like “what’s up with this girl?!” You were in fact mad, you were speaking in tongues, you were doing all kinds of things, I was like “this is crazy!”. I remember how I had to call my secondary school biology teacher, who was like my best friend, to tell him what I had done and ask what I could do… phew!! 😓

humbling experience

You were running around knocking on people’s gates, I was like “God what have I done!?”  And then I was so high and what was coming to my mind were these Nollywood movies where people do shit and the next thing their girlfriend ends up dying. Omoo I was scared😭. 

Also, that was the most jealous moment in our relationship because you then called this Uche guy and were resting your head on his legs and to think that I’ve always looked at that guy with suspicion all the times you both flunted the whole ‘bestie bestie’ tag. And then in your scariest and most vulnerable moment you run to him, placed your head on his legs and you didn’t even allow me to come close and I was so fucking jealous.

Read: Weed killed me on our First Date… An Unforgettable Experience

Maybe because I was high too, but then I don’t trust guys so when I start seeing guys flocking, I’m like “who the fuck is this guy!?” But I used to hide that part from you. Mehn that night was crazy, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that kind of thing in my life.humbling experience

Obie’s Response to the chat:

You saying you wish we handled it better, mehn… that’s not how I see it. The way I actually see it is so far no life was lost and no serious damage was done, it’s okay for me.

It’s not like I want to relive the experience but I just cherish it so much because it’s something I look back on and smile about. I don’t hate the experience because it has happened. I can’t hate what I can’t change so I just have to value it.  I value humbling experiences. This one reminds me that in this life ehn omoo, anything can happen. It also reminds me of the time in my life when something was happening and I can’t believe I was that scared and that someone was probably going to die, and I was so confused and extremely high. 

Read: A Tormenting Ride You Wish You Could Quit

The whole process of trying to find a solution in the middle of the night, trying to call my biology teacher friend, and all of that doesn’t make me sad. I mean, it humbles me. Like it’s just the kind of thing I’ll want to think of when I am acting out or I’m being crazy. It just helps me hold on to the fact that anyone can lose control at any time including myself. The lesson actually helps me act more responsibly. It’s not something to feel bad about. I don’t feel bad about it at all. It’s just different. 

worrisome humbling experience

No One Is Super Human

So another humbling experience is something I always reflect on. I don’t know if I’ve told you before, one time I was coming back from work and it was crazy because I was supposed to go back home with my colleague. Usually, we go home together, it was either he drove or I did. So this time around I had lost my patience, he’s our head accountant and that day he was busy balancing the figures late so I just left him and proceeded to Lekki to just go home on my own. 

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You know how you can be in Lekki and flag down private cars going your way, so I stood waiting. I had waited for almost an hour, no vehicle came. So it was just a second option to go back to the office, but you know how you feel reluctant when you’re going back to where you just came back from, so I kind of just moved out of the road to another spot. I still felt reluctant but gradually walking back and looking at the road slightly. 

worrisome humbling experience

It was barely two minutes, and before I could say jack, a bus had run across and cleared the two people that stood by my side initially. Jeez! I was at that spot before, God! I was in shock. One of the victims, the guy still had the tyre compressing his chest and the victim girl was under the vehicle. Immediately people gathered, screaming “Hey hey hey… see the driver o”, alerting those close by to catch the driver. Everyone was concentrating on the driver and from where I stood I saw that there were people that were going to die. And I’m thinking “Why’s everyone going after the driver!? Is that what’s important? Can’t they see the people that are almost dying?” 

A few weeks before, I had just lost a phone, so I was also being conscious of my properties but immediately my instincts started to work. I put my phone in my bag and placed it in a location where my left eye can always find it. 

rescuing accident victim humbling experience

There’s this brewing hysteria, people just trying to save and not save, people trying to be busy, busy doing nothing, and most of them going after the driver as that’s the easy target because nobody really knows how to handle an emergency. I and a group of men try to lift the vehicle up to rescue the guy who had the tyre pressing on him. We succeeded but I could see the guy was dying. About two people tried to resuscitate him with CPR, I stood watching, believing they knew what they were doing but shortly, I could see that the guy was not coming alive and then it dawned on me the CPR had gone on for too long. 

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A lot of people don’t know what to do next after CPR so immediately my instincts said “look, step in!” More people had started to gather, the LCC and the police too. When you don’t witness an accident, it’s easier to safeguard, even if you go close, you really would not want to help most times because you don’t know how it started. Also that feeling that the people already there are in control comes to play. I felt a lot of people who came felt this way, it yielded an unhelpful crowd, I got pissed at the people bringing out their phones to video and then one woman who knelt down to pray. Like what the hell are you praying for?? I reached out to one of the LCC representatives about their protocol and asked if they could call their medical unit and tell you what, he was totally clueless, but not as clueless as the policeman I asked same. 

CPR Guide-- Humbling experience

Omoo it dawned on me that I needed to act “look we can’t continue to do this, let’s take this guy to the hospital!” I said to the group beside me and of all suggestions to give, one of them said “call 911”. WTF are you calling 911 for? This is Lekki for God’s sake!! Lekki has tons of hospitals, why don’t we just go into any of them?

Shortly after, I observed people checking out of the area stylishly. It’s understandable, no one wants to get involved in anything that looks technical. So I start to carry the victim alongside one other guy who held him from the leg and we started to move towards the gate. I got perplexed the moment I realized I had no car, “What am I doing? What’s my next move?” I get lost in my thoughts for like five seconds and the guy carrying the victim with me looks at me, it was a look of confidence drifting. One of those moments when you know that someone is sure of what they’re doing and you bank on their confidence but the moment they lose that confidence you’re like what’s up? Immediately he sensed my confusion, he left me with the victim and walked away. 

humbling experience

I was left with a dying man, I looked at his legs, blood all over with no one to carry the other part of him. I was going to leave but then I looked at how helpless he laid. You know when you see someone alive and can tell they want to say something but they can’t  talk. For some reason I stared at his eyes, and the only thing his eyes could say was “HELP”...numb eyes yet they screamed at me. I felt a deeper connection at that point. I looked away and saw about three guys passing by, they looked interested in helping but then needed a push. So immediately I beckoned on them for help, two of them carried the victim, and then I instructed the third to stop a van. Long story short, we were able to rush the victim to the hospital. The next day I went to check up on him and the nurse informed me that he’s been transferred to Igbogbi hospital. She also thanked me for saving his life.

humbling experience

What’s humbling whenever I reflect on this experience is that we are all humans. All these people working in offices, carrying their chest up and acting like they have a solution equally have moments they don’t know what they are doing. Imagine that whole crowd, nobody knew what they were doing. Had it been I didn’t take charge, it’s very likely that the victim would have died. It’s crazy. Sometimes we just have to cut people some slack because omooo it’s not every time we can have things completely figured out. The way I’m human is the same way the other person is. Nobody is superhuman.

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Like I wrote earlier, I’m sharing Obie’s experience with the hope that it triggers your memory to recall your own humbling experience and importantly, the lessons. I really appreciate it if you shared yours in the comment section and perhaps any reservations you have about Obie’s. And tell you what, I’ll be sharing mine too. So leggo 🤗👇

 

7 min read

“Oooh ahhhh…mmmmm..ahhhh” my quiet moans litters the whole room. “Awww baby could you stroke your dick for me?” He gets at it softly, up and down he strokes with special care for his pinkish reddish cap. “Sheeeshhh… mmmm…ooohhh, dammit baby! I want it all in my mouth baby”. It’s become a slippery slope, all thanks to the divine mixture of precum and lotion. I wish to put it all in my mouth, his dick! But I can only watch and moan and multitask soft-handling my boobs with my left hand. It’s easy-peasy as they’re perky and almost smallish, all my left fingers could pleasure them at once. He delights at my boobs by giving a moan quieter than mine. There was a time I usually blamed his shallow moans on masculine ego, but I grew to see it as an indefatigable men trait. So I enjoy the moment.” Baby imagine me sucking them with soft spanks on your giggly ass, you’ll love it right?”… These words send me into a higher gear of sensual urges, a kind that makes my iris seem like it’s escaping the sclera, like one in a trance. 

Whew!! This is all we can do, sometimes blessed with precums, sometimes a molehill of cums and orgasms, other times, rude interruptions with my mum screaming my name two rooms away. I better dash out of the toilet and pretend to be fast asleep on my bed. Arrrhhh!! To think that I was almost hitting climax, dammit mum!

dripping cum
Image source- Sex Comics

The Juice Of Video Chat Sex

Ever tried video chat sex with your partner? Or maybe someone else? Woah, I actually enjoy it especially on some special occasions like when the weather is cozy and bae is far away in Queensland. I’m sure to orgasm in a way that sends me into some sweet sleep… oops! You really think ladies cannot have an orgasm this way?  Try me then lmao. Quit the jokes, only 25% of ladies orgasm through intercourse, the other percentage is seen in spontaneous activities, video chat sex inclusive. I rate it a great way to spice up a relationship, it shouldn’t be reserved for only long-distance couples.

best angles for nudes
Source- Metro

Before I ever tried video chat sex, I had experienced erotic phone calls (phone sex) with this dude when I was 19 I think, those free midnight calls thanks to MTN live rent-free in my head. I was just bursting into the outer world when I met this dude on one ‘very weird’ site as I love to describe it. We exchanged numbers and most nights after that held me captive in sexual secrecy. We never met, so it was easy to run wild. He taught me much naughty stuff that backfired as I saw the guy I later started dating as boring. Like how does he not know these stuff!! My little brain was so slow to process that he was only an innocent boy who still hid in school toilets to steal kisses and barely understood the right gears for masturbation. Anyway, I activated my girl power to get him to try, and knowing his ego was at stake, he obliged.  But it wasn’t it, his voice was more clownish and not one bit sensual, I knew it was a lost cause at this point! 

words to say during phone sex
Image Source- Greatist

The Deadliest Sin Of A Sex TAPE

I don’t expect you to agree you’ve ever made a sex tape, but if you do, bold strokes! This was supposed to be a stand-alone piece with my friend Romeo holding the pen and unraveling his delight for making sex tapes. Unfortunately, dude got so little yet in-depth take to share. 

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“Well making sex tape actually is fun and adventurous. However, it must be consensual. For someone with my kind of personality who loves to explore and loves adventure.  It is awesome for me when a lady accepts that we do a sex tape. Getting to watch it after we are done is a tremendous turn-on. There is a weird psychology behind that which a vanilla will never relate to. I’ll propose it for someone who is sexually dynamic in exploration and just love crazy stuff and want to use different ingredients to achieve that crazy feeling. Sex tape is the deal. You get to see how everything went, how you both reacted, the sounds uhm. I mean that’s A for me .”- Romeo

I totally agree with Romeo. Although I’ve never made a sex tape before, I’ve had the privilege of a series of ‘makeout’ tapes which seems so much like the real deal. I find it beautiful watching them over and over again, especially on some lonely nights when I want to flick the bean. It gives me a kind of sensation porn doesn’t dare come close to, it’s a natural especially if you cherish the person with you in it. The funniest thing about it is you get to see how ugly you are in bed, like fucking ugly! I be thinking to myself the whole time watching “how is this man attracted to this thing”“For christ’s sake!! Is this how I kiss?? It’s so yuck!” I’m a tad embarrassed but it still gives me an orgasm watching.

easiest way to make a sex tape with your man
Image Source- Pornhub

Trade By Barter Nudes

I hate seeing pictures of any man’s dick, be it my man’s. Dicks, I prefer to see physically or in motion on video chat sex, don’t you dare spam me with your dick photos! I tolerate my man’s but frankly, I’m less than 1% aroused the whole time, but shall I pretend? Absolutely! However, sending my nudes appears to be the sexiest thing ever, especially my boobies. Randomly I enjoy taking snapshots of my boobs, in different angles while I adore them in all their full glory. And then this one-shot hits, and it makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth before Emilia Clarke. Woe betides me if I decide to keep this beauty to myself. Ping! Ping! In split seconds, bae receives the memo, he can wank on it as he pleases.

Ever been in this situation where you meet someone new and they start asking for nudes? Such clowns! Well, let me not lie, if I’m feeling the nigga, I opt for trade by barter nudes. Duurrrhh! Even though I hate dick pictures, he has to commit by sending me first, it makes me feel safe to send mine but not with my face in it. I remember making this particular dude go through seven hells by asking him to send different shots of his penis only for me to abscond without returning the favor. He still hates me, but I care less.

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The Golden Rule is “Do not share nudes with your face in it”... hmmm this doesn’t apply to me if he’s my man though. There’s something about the face that makes the image more boner triggering, especially if you know how to wear that resting bitch seductive face on. Oops! Do not run with my advice!!

making sex tape
Image Source- Metro

Bursted!!

One time I played a prank on my friends that my ex was threatening to make viral my nudes, they were so furious and told me to call his bluff. For a moment, about three of them were shocked to find out that I normally send nudes. “For real Uju, you send nudes!?” one of them accosted me, she wouldn’t believe it. The problem is my friends rate me too serious for certain sexual ish. More like a nerdy kinda person. Does it mean they haven’t watched any porn with a nerd in it? I actually enjoy those categories. 

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What happens when you fall out with someone who has an archive of your nudes though😂😂? Because I trusted them in the first place, I’m usually not scared. Something very hilarious happened recently, my friend called me and asked me a quite unrelated question. “Uju how far, how can I delete a message I sent to someone on Instagram?” I had no right answers because I hadn’t done it before, most likely because I have no personal IG. But I got on with whining her on the reason she needed to delete something only for her to open up that her ex contacted her to do some digital marketing work and thankfully he gave her his password. My girl said she wants to delete her nudes o😂😂, before she gets bursted. I laughed ehn… thankfully we found a way. But wait a minute! You all send nudes on IG?? 😂😂😂 I don’t trust that platform, its WhatsApp or nothing for me because what if my IG gets hacked 😱. Even with WhatsApp, I carry out the act with my heart in my mouth, I switch off my data on most cases to be sure I’m sending directly to the dude and not my status. I’ve made countless mistakes of uploading things on status, instead of sending as a DM. Thankfully, nudes ain’t one.

what to do when your nude leaks
Image Source- Wall Street Journal

Sometimes I have this weird case scenario running in my mind though, what if one of these dudes decides to leak my nudes, what can I possibly do? Find the goat and insert a nuclear weapon in his asshole? Delete every trace of myself existence from social media? For sure I’ll be too embarrassed and maybe a bit of crying, but I’m sure to find solace in the comments that’ll speak on how sexy my body is though 😂😂😂. 

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So do you send nudes? Make video chat sex or sex tapes? Ever been close to being bursted? Or bursted?! Let’s gist in the comment section 😂😂. If you’ve never done any of these, I’m curious to know why too. Remember all liars shall perish 🤭👇 .