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3 min read

Dear Mutterers, how do you all cope? Asides that I hate ring tones no matter how subtle it might be, I hate taking phone calls too.

The only time you will find my phone on ‘loud mode’ is if I am expecting a very important call most preferrably a dispatch. And as soon as I am done, it goes back to the norm, ‘SILENT’.

God help me I forget to put it back on silent and it rings… OMG! first I freak out at the tone, then I’m hit by a reflex mood swing (maybe a residual effect of the anxiety) that most times becomes too unhealthy for the caller. I’m either belligerent or numb and they can tell it’s not the usual me. But it’s not my fault, I must have rejected the call the first and maybe the second time and they choose to call for a third.

Phone calls
Can I actually say this?
Read: How We Became Familiar Strangers

I also get pissed at so many missed calls. Do I owe you? So why give me three or more missed calls? What makes you think I wasn’t with my phone all the while you were calling? Most times I am with it but not ready to talk.

Before you call me, be sure it’s not textable. I love to text, I connect better with it even if it’s just a word there. I’m good. No matter how rude the text might be, it’s better than tending to some voices.

Maybe I am selfish, maybe it’s just my nature, I can’t say. I just want to talk to people when I want to, not the other way round. That’s why if I eventually pick the call, I exchange pleasantries and then  say ‘Please can I call back, I’m actually busy’.

Phone calls
I cringe!
Read: Where You Left Me

More than half the time, I am busy in my head. Either enjoying what is in there or being tensed for some reasons. It’s usually offensive that a phone call sometimes interrupts such a sacred moment. Asides this, I noticed that my mouth becomes so heavy to speak sometimes due to fatigue triggered by the day’s activity. From traffic to work, back to traffic, and I have to go through this five days in a week… damn! 

I actually enjoy a few people calling me though. The ones who understand that it is okay not to be welcoming sometimes and then they get into the mood with you because they love you. And the ones who make me laugh too are precious but it’s so unfortunate I find myself not being in the mood for laughs sometimes.

Read: How To Know If You Have Phone Phobia
Phone calls
I’m busy in my head

If I say I will call back and I forgot, believe me, I did. There is no harm in sending a text to remind me. Generally, there is actually no shame in reminding people of a favour they promised you. If you are of the opinion that if it matters to them they wouldn’t forget, then pray you don’t encounter my kind because if I am not forgetting, I keep procrastinating and your reminder will be the silver lining at such moments.

Phone calls

Well, guess what😁. I need your help! How do I get better with phone calls🥺? If not for any reason, I don’t want to be that friend you call when you have a gun to you head, hoping that they won’t pick😂😂.

 

 

 

2 min read

Dear Mutterers,  how do you all cope? First, my phone is always on ‘silent mode’ and as a matter of fact I hate ring tones, they freak me out and equally annoy me…bottom line, I hate taking calls!

The only time you will find my phone on ‘loud mode’ is if I am expecting a very important call may be from a delivery guy or my alarm. As soon as I am done,  it goes back to the norm.

God help me I forget to put it back on silent and it rings… OMG! first I freak out at the tone, then the second I just have an automatic mood swing that makes me lash out at the caller.

On most occasions, I don’t even answer my mobile, and then someone with three heads decides to give me more than 2 missed calls😤…what makes you think I’m not with my phone the whole time huh😲Am I the only one this happens to?

Image result for hating phone calls
This could have been a text or email!

I believe before you call a person, you should ask yourself ‘is this textable?’ Phone calls, in my opinion, are not meant for telling stories (gisting) but passing concise Information. If you must gist, you can send a text to meet up with the person.

I will choose to text over telephone calls anytime because it gives me the much needed time to think before sending out a reply, unlike phone calls which leave you with intermittent awkward silences all in the name of trying to be in sync with certain conversations.

7 min read

“Oooh ahhhh…mmmmm..ahhhh” my quiet moans litters the whole room. “Awww baby could you stroke your dick for me?” He gets at it softly, up and down he strokes with special care for his pinkish reddish cap. “Sheeeshhh… mmmm…ooohhh, dammit baby! I want it all in my mouth baby”. It’s become a slippery slope, all thanks to the divine mixture of precum and lotion. I wish to put it all in my mouth, his dick! But I can only watch and moan and multitask soft-handling my boobs with my left hand. It’s easy-peasy as they’re perky and almost smallish, all my left fingers could pleasure them at once. He delights at my boobs by giving a moan quieter than mine. There was a time I usually blamed his shallow moans on masculine ego, but I grew to see it as an indefatigable men trait. So I enjoy the moment.” Baby imagine me sucking them with soft spanks on your giggly ass, you’ll love it right?”… These words send me into a higher gear of sensual urges, a kind that makes my iris seem like it’s escaping the sclera, like one in a trance. 

Whew!! This is all we can do, sometimes blessed with precums, sometimes a molehill of cums and orgasms, other times, rude interruptions with my mum screaming my name two rooms away. I better dash out of the toilet and pretend to be fast asleep on my bed. Arrrhhh!! To think that I was almost hitting climax, dammit mum!

dripping cum
Image source- Sex Comics

The Juice Of Video Chat Sex

Ever tried video chat sex with your partner? Or maybe someone else? Woah, I actually enjoy it especially on some special occasions like when the weather is cozy and bae is far away in Queensland. I’m sure to orgasm in a way that sends me into some sweet sleep… oops! You really think ladies cannot have an orgasm this way?  Try me then lmao. Quit the jokes, only 25% of ladies orgasm through intercourse, the other percentage is seen in spontaneous activities, video chat sex inclusive. I rate it a great way to spice up a relationship, it shouldn’t be reserved for only long-distance couples.

best angles for nudes
Source- Metro

Before I ever tried video chat sex, I had experienced erotic phone calls (phone sex) with this dude when I was 19 I think, those free midnight calls thanks to MTN live rent-free in my head. I was just bursting into the outer world when I met this dude on one ‘very weird’ site as I love to describe it. We exchanged numbers and most nights after that held me captive in sexual secrecy. We never met, so it was easy to run wild. He taught me much naughty stuff that backfired as I saw the guy I later started dating as boring. Like how does he not know these stuff!! My little brain was so slow to process that he was only an innocent boy who still hid in school toilets to steal kisses and barely understood the right gears for masturbation. Anyway, I activated my girl power to get him to try, and knowing his ego was at stake, he obliged.  But it wasn’t it, his voice was more clownish and not one bit sensual, I knew it was a lost cause at this point! 

words to say during phone sex
Image Source- Greatist

The Deadliest Sin Of A Sex TAPE

I don’t expect you to agree you’ve ever made a sex tape, but if you do, bold strokes! This was supposed to be a stand-alone piece with my friend Romeo holding the pen and unraveling his delight for making sex tapes. Unfortunately, dude got so little yet in-depth take to share. 

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“Well making sex tape actually is fun and adventurous. However, it must be consensual. For someone with my kind of personality who loves to explore and loves adventure.  It is awesome for me when a lady accepts that we do a sex tape. Getting to watch it after we are done is a tremendous turn-on. There is a weird psychology behind that which a vanilla will never relate to. I’ll propose it for someone who is sexually dynamic in exploration and just love crazy stuff and want to use different ingredients to achieve that crazy feeling. Sex tape is the deal. You get to see how everything went, how you both reacted, the sounds uhm. I mean that’s A for me .”- Romeo

I totally agree with Romeo. Although I’ve never made a sex tape before, I’ve had the privilege of a series of ‘makeout’ tapes which seems so much like the real deal. I find it beautiful watching them over and over again, especially on some lonely nights when I want to flick the bean. It gives me a kind of sensation porn doesn’t dare come close to, it’s a natural especially if you cherish the person with you in it. The funniest thing about it is you get to see how ugly you are in bed, like fucking ugly! I be thinking to myself the whole time watching “how is this man attracted to this thing”“For christ’s sake!! Is this how I kiss?? It’s so yuck!” I’m a tad embarrassed but it still gives me an orgasm watching.

easiest way to make a sex tape with your man
Image Source- Pornhub

Trade By Barter Nudes

I hate seeing pictures of any man’s dick, be it my man’s. Dicks, I prefer to see physically or in motion on video chat sex, don’t you dare spam me with your dick photos! I tolerate my man’s but frankly, I’m less than 1% aroused the whole time, but shall I pretend? Absolutely! However, sending my nudes appears to be the sexiest thing ever, especially my boobies. Randomly I enjoy taking snapshots of my boobs, in different angles while I adore them in all their full glory. And then this one-shot hits, and it makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth before Emilia Clarke. Woe betides me if I decide to keep this beauty to myself. Ping! Ping! In split seconds, bae receives the memo, he can wank on it as he pleases.

Ever been in this situation where you meet someone new and they start asking for nudes? Such clowns! Well, let me not lie, if I’m feeling the nigga, I opt for trade by barter nudes. Duurrrhh! Even though I hate dick pictures, he has to commit by sending me first, it makes me feel safe to send mine but not with my face in it. I remember making this particular dude go through seven hells by asking him to send different shots of his penis only for me to abscond without returning the favor. He still hates me, but I care less.

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The Golden Rule is “Do not share nudes with your face in it”... hmmm this doesn’t apply to me if he’s my man though. There’s something about the face that makes the image more boner triggering, especially if you know how to wear that resting bitch seductive face on. Oops! Do not run with my advice!!

making sex tape
Image Source- Metro

Bursted!!

One time I played a prank on my friends that my ex was threatening to make viral my nudes, they were so furious and told me to call his bluff. For a moment, about three of them were shocked to find out that I normally send nudes. “For real Uju, you send nudes!?” one of them accosted me, she wouldn’t believe it. The problem is my friends rate me too serious for certain sexual ish. More like a nerdy kinda person. Does it mean they haven’t watched any porn with a nerd in it? I actually enjoy those categories. 

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What happens when you fall out with someone who has an archive of your nudes though😂😂? Because I trusted them in the first place, I’m usually not scared. Something very hilarious happened recently, my friend called me and asked me a quite unrelated question. “Uju how far, how can I delete a message I sent to someone on Instagram?” I had no right answers because I hadn’t done it before, most likely because I have no personal IG. But I got on with whining her on the reason she needed to delete something only for her to open up that her ex contacted her to do some digital marketing work and thankfully he gave her his password. My girl said she wants to delete her nudes o😂😂, before she gets bursted. I laughed ehn… thankfully we found a way. But wait a minute! You all send nudes on IG?? 😂😂😂 I don’t trust that platform, its WhatsApp or nothing for me because what if my IG gets hacked 😱. Even with WhatsApp, I carry out the act with my heart in my mouth, I switch off my data on most cases to be sure I’m sending directly to the dude and not my status. I’ve made countless mistakes of uploading things on status, instead of sending as a DM. Thankfully, nudes ain’t one.

what to do when your nude leaks
Image Source- Wall Street Journal

Sometimes I have this weird case scenario running in my mind though, what if one of these dudes decides to leak my nudes, what can I possibly do? Find the goat and insert a nuclear weapon in his asshole? Delete every trace of myself existence from social media? For sure I’ll be too embarrassed and maybe a bit of crying, but I’m sure to find solace in the comments that’ll speak on how sexy my body is though 😂😂😂. 

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So do you send nudes? Make video chat sex or sex tapes? Ever been close to being bursted? Or bursted?! Let’s gist in the comment section 😂😂. If you’ve never done any of these, I’m curious to know why too. Remember all liars shall perish 🤭👇 .

 

9 min read

Brushing my fingertips round and about my pubic hairs spread across my pelvic and around the lips of my vagina on many nights I’ve lost count, it is such a sweet feeling I cannot explain🤤. I play with the hairs, untangle them whilst scrolling through Instagram feeds with my other hand or trying to put me to bed. You can’t tell me otherwise, this is the best self-inflicting lullaby in the world🛌. So unfortunate, babies do not have pubic hairs, I could have recommended this therapy for nursing mums. Lol, I bet you just pictured a baby having pubic hairs🤣. At times I shave and I’m angry cause there’s nothing to hypnotize me in bed for the next two weeks🥲. How funny, Sometimes I forget I cleared the lawn, I happily dip my hands in my panties only to have my fingers walk on a distasteful bald head, yuck! What a bad night for the cut😒!? Shaving is no doubt sexy but I’ll rather not a clean one, trimming is my holy grail🤤. Ps. this does not apply to my underarm😑.

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I feel it’s absolutely normal to itch your pelvic region and smell it. I’m always eager to know what it smells like😴. I hate the hypocrisy on social media, remind me of that Big Brother Naija housemate who was caught on camera digging for some gold down there and went ahead to smell the roses afterward😂. He attracted so much mockery for doing something normal. Best believe for every 9 out of 10, whenever my fingers find themselves in my pelvic, once they’re out, I sniff😇. I want to know what I smell like always, I want to know how awful or sweet,  if they need more work or you know😉. How do I present a feast I have no idea how it tastes to the sons of men to devour🤭? It’s like cooking for a guest without tasting it, how do you know if it needs more or less salt or maybe pepper? Let’s quit the pretense, please. Damn you! I also smell my panties most times when I take them off🙄.

pubic hair fondling
Source- E-quick

Sleep- You’ll mostly find me hugging my pillow or having it tucked in-between my legs when I’m asleep. And if I’m not sleeping stark naked, I’m either sleeping with only a polo on or wearing only my pants. And if push comes to shove with the weather, my pyjamas and hoodie comes to my rescue🛌.

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Love- Jokes on the big idiot who came up with the phrase “love don’t cost a thing”, such foolish talk😑! to please who if I may ask? Love costs many things for me, apart from time and money, I hate that it keeps me on my toes, sometimes I’m so grounded in work and for an entire six hours, I’ve forgotten I have a boyfriend😖. And my phone beeps, shit! This nigga beat me to it, I guess he just remembered he has a girlfriend too😂.

pubic hair dating meme

Family- This is where forced love takes seed in me. I wish I could tell everyone off on this tree sometimes, but I’ve grown to realize the way they are unbearable sometimes to me is the same way I am to them🥺. I’m so unclear to my family members, I’ve learned to save them the trauma of discovering who I truly am and I think it’s okay😊. The most important thing is that I fulfill my quota as a member and everyone does the same, this way we find happiness🤗.

pubic hairs

Kids- I’m ashamed to admit I got zero tolerance for kids🥴, the same way I react over an adult’s mistake of spilling water on the floor, is the same way I react when a kid does same😑. I feel like I need saving in this regard because I intend to  birth kids someday too😍.

pubic hair stand kids

Friends– I have a handful of close friends, lowkey I think they are angry at me for not picking a best😏. But picking a best will make me solely dependent on someone who thinks it’s okay to be foolish even at serious moments🤣. I often wonder why good friends first laugh at your misery before figuring how to help though. Also what if I pick a best friend who cannot provide me with all the solutions? Friendship should be treated like work too, just like we deliver on our areas of strengths at work, friendship should be the same😁. Don’t you dare stress my brain! You ought to have several options to run to.

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Dogs- I have two dogs and I wish they could talk, like real talk🗣. I figure I’ve made some wrong turns in life, I could use their advice because humans have failed me in this regard😖. I hate it when someone tries to mimic my dogs when they bark or say “shut up!” “stupid dog”, and then they project some boring laughter too, perhaps laughing at their own stupidity because I don’t get what’s so funny😖? Utterly disrespectful! How do you see a dog and resolve to insults and sometimes throw stones🥺? I often wish I could release my dogs for a chase so we’ll see who gets the last laugh😑. Whenever I hear tales that someone got bitten by a dog, in my mind I’m happy, dancing for joy🤣. Excuse me sir/ma, what did you do? I need to hear from the other party. Gosh! I really wish dogs could talk🥺.

dogs memes pubic hair
Source- Reddit

Colleagues- (Except for few exceptions) If we work in the same place, I find it offensive that you’re looking me up on social media🙄. Trying to know how crazy my family is or what’s off about my personality? Why though?? Why do you wanna know me?? The only business we should have is work, I play my part excellently and that’s it😐. Office get-togethers have got to be the sickest initiative to come into existence, now what?? Should I get drunk in front of you all and dance my titties out🙄? Hell no! You won’t even come as far as viewing my WhatsApp status, I block you if I have to save your number and if I on a day the Lord made find your status on my feed, you’re blocked immediately. Honey, I do not wish to know you on that level, okay?😶

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Nice- “I think you’re nice Uju, can we be friends?” For reasons best known to God, I still haven’t figured out why I hate being classified as “nice”🤣. I feel the word holds so much sentiment and shouldn’t be used in describing anyone.  Ps. I’m not nice! don’t put me on that pedestal because by the time you see a fraction of my craze, you’ll feel like you’ve betrayed yourself and that shit hurts🧐. The word ‘nice’ messes so bad with my brain to a grave extent that if you ever say to me “I need you to meet *****, he’s a nice man”, I swear, I’m not meeting them🙄. And then when I ask you “how’s my outfit?”, you respond “It’s nice”, I automatically conclude you lack the core ingredients of being human, you should be a paper bag or something😪.

nice guy synrome pubic hair
Source- Reddit

Food- Work comes first for me, for a fact, if I’m not getting a task right, I don’t see why I should eat🧐. Sometimes I feel my stomach groaning for help but my coconut brain is trying to finish up a task first so I plead with my stomach to plead with my brain to come through so that we all can be happy😁. Food tastes so much better for me when my mind is fulfilled on a task👍.

Sweets- I chew sweets the moment they land their feet on my tongue, Do you lick or chew sweets? Do people really lick sweets? Do you? 🤔

Looks- Not my client getting thrilled after visiting this website (Muttering Minds) and affirming he wouldn’t pay me my balance until he sees what I look like. Must be crack right😏? What is it with people and wanting to know how I look? Enjoy the conversation dammit😑! I prefer to commune via chats (mails especially) with people I don’t know from adam, I don’t care to imagine how or what they look like. You soil the relationship the moment you ask to see what I look like😑. Don’t ask! I’ll randomly send you jpegs on my very good days, be patient😂.

i didn't ask, I don't care pubic hair

Phone Calls-  I slightly get irked or really irritated whenever my phone rings especially if I’m not expecting a delivery😒. More than half the time I don’t pick up, I find myself contemplating a thousand and over reasons why you must be calling me😏. Text is better, it lessens my anxiety. The most annoying thing is calling me when my phone’s hotspot is connected to my laptop☹, now I how to wait for your call to stop before I continue working, the audacity! My mum is guilty of this, I’ve pleaded with her several times to call me preferably on Whatsapp if she must but no, African parents make the rules🤦‍♀️. She rings my phone for every reason in the world, sometimes she calls me just to tell me how she doesn’t understand why my dad is not picking her calls and that I should check if he’s home, I figure my dad is tired too🤣. I enjoy phone calls sometimes though, but that’s rare.

pubic hair I hate phone calls

STUPID STATEMENTS/ QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK

“In no particular Order”- I automatically conclude you’re a blatant liar the moment you say this before calling out names. The first few names you called are the ones most important to you; they wouldn’t come first in your head if they aren’t, so quit lying through your teeth😑.

“Kindly follow back”– Hellooo!!! I’ve seen you followed me and that’s on you🙄. Now can you let me decide if to follow back or not? Is it supposed to be blood for blood🙄?

“Are you good in bed?”– How do you expect me to know? So dumb! 😖 You should ask people who’ve had their share of the cake. Besides its relative, what’s good for them might be bad for you🙅‍♀️.

pubic hair crush memes

“Do you have a crush?”- I’m sorry I cannot relate🙄, especially with how people describe what their crushes do to them. I am not possessed please🤣🤣.

“What’s your best color?”- If I’ve ever given you an answer to this question, I was only trying to curtail your leeching curiosity🤣. I do not have a best color, yellow can look good on a tee but very alarming on my feet. It depends on the item really. If you have a favorite color you are a cow🤣🤣

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“Can you do me a Favor?”- Do you expect me to say no upfront☹? Don’t start a conversation with me on these lines, go ahead and say what you want, and then leave my capacity to be the judge😐.

pubic hair- can you do me a favor

NOW PICK THE BATON!!

Sure you’ve been wondering what kind of individual wears such a weighty personality🤣🤣. Well, that’s me and I may be pleased to meet you too🤭. This week  I took time to think introspectively about my personality, especially these bits. I realize that they go a long way in defining my personhood😄. I thought of sharing it with you all, with high hopes that you’ll check my list or cross them😁. It’s a long list I know, but I’m curious to ask, do we share some traits at least😅? Tell me what and what we have in common😉, and which of them leaves you in shock🤣🤣.  You can also add more to your list even the ones I didn’t state. I’m somewhat happy I got to write this so that whenever someone harrasses me with the “tell me about yourself” question, I’ll just pull up with this link🤣🤣🤣. God bless their aching souls they hate reading 🤣🤣🤣.

As usual, I’ll kill a roach to have your comments so please, indulge me. Tell me about you too and how connected we are in the comments section. 😄👇👇

 

 

 

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5 min read

At some point in life, some things will happen to you that you may never be able to say to anyone. For everyday that passes, you keep heaping the grave you buried it with more sand, hoping to kill it finally but it still hurts. What even hurts more is not being able to talk to anyone and if ever you tried you start your conversation with “There’s a friend of mine who…”

Watching the latest direct by Kunle Afolayan, ‘Citation’, I’m being hunted by my own experience all over, an experience I’ve had locked in my closet, hoping never to open it up but the movie became a trigger.

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

Before delving into my experience, first I must give deserving accolades to the brains behind “Citation”, from the director; Kunle Afoloyan, the writer, Tunde Babalola, and to all the crew and casts for delivering their roles perfectly, especially the lead the act, Temi Otedola who plays the role of Moremi. Her performance was beyond the average for a debut role. She nailed it. Her fluent French-speaking was extraordinary too, made me want to go back to my French learning class…of course I will and this time take it more seriously. “Citation” also excels at portraying a good representation of Africa’s culture, from the littlest detail like costumes, to the locations and soundtracks.

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Since its release, many like myself have argued that the storyline is predictable and is not as mind-blowing as the hype presented it but however, it doesn’t invalidate it’s strong message. Does preaching against sexual assault every day dilute the intent? Some messages have to be preached recurrently no matter how predictable it might seem. Citation’s storyline goes beyond the screens. These things happen! It is real! There have been victims and still will be like Moremi who becomes a target prey for the likes of Professor Lucien N’Dyare (Jimmy Jean-Louis) in the movie.

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

MY STORY

Heard some opinionated people say “ohh but Moremi seemed like she was making some advancement too by getting close and helping her professor”. Hmmmmm…on reminiscing my university experience, I don’t know how I escaped from the sexual thirsty claws of my H.O.D and one other lecturer.

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Like Moremi, I was smart and intelligent and didn’t need to sort any lecturer to pass a course. I wasn’t loud in neither actions nor dress sense, very reserved to a fault still my H.O.D took a strange likeness in me. Before then, I remember vividly how our eyes met frequently at a departmental excursion while he was giving a speech. I thought it was only normal, I mean I wouldn’t have been the only one who caught his gaze at the time right? But this nigga summoned me afterward and started with some bullshit talk asking me if I liked him. I was dumbfounded, like how? Like an old man…yuck! Some deliberate laughs saved me that day but I had no idea it marked the genesis of problems for me in the department.

I was scared, I didn’t even know who to tell when he recurrently called me to his office, tormented me with phone calls, and even invited me to his hotel more than once. On one occasion it was a forceful atmosphere. I struggled with this old man; I cried and pleaded with him that I was a virgin. He overpowered me and slid his hands into my vagina forcefully. I was terrified and managed to let go of his grasp. Quickly dashed into the bathroom and locked myself, shivering & praying to God to save me. He made me swear on any of my late family’s names that I was a virgin. He’s one of those who attach some fetish belief to virginity, believes it’s sacred, and shouldn’t be taken forcefully. Without mincing words, I swore with my late grandmothers’ before he let me be and then promised to take good care of me in the department. Well, to hell with your smelling care sir! I avoided him like he owned a contagious disease.

Read: Sexual Advances and a Halt in the Milk Flow

I had another encounter with an idiotic lecturer who out of spite failed me twice for his courses in a semester. I was pissed, I cried, and out of anger went to confront him in his office and all he could say was ”Ahhh how can you of all people fail this course? I told you to come and see me didn’t I?”

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

FOOD FOR REASONING

“Citation” is an insightful film, it is as real as real life. I found none of the scenes exaggerated. Unlike me who couldn’t speak up, I commend Moremi for having the courage to take the matter up to the disciplinary committee of the school. Imagine throwing stones at a dog everyone saw as harmless? Everyone perceived Professor Lucien N’Dyare as a man of good character, calm, and profoundly knowledgeable in his field, and then boom! Moremi flips the script.

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Who should they believe? Of course the professor! Little wonder the majority of her coursemate testified in favor of the Professor.

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

In my case you might wonder, why did I visit him in the hotel? Couldn’t I have gone with a friend? Well, if you understand the weight at which some men in power can be oppressing to many then if you were in my shoes you’ll appear at the hotel gate before you hear ‘jack’. I didn’t want to fail, the man was so vile. Vile enough he knew how to clean traces before they’re imprinted. He made sure I switched off my phones on entry and had me submit them to him to avoid foul play.

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You might also wonder why Moremi was still cordial after the professors first attempt to kiss her huh? And even after the assault… well, you might never know the right way to behave except walking the exact shoes you condemn. What could she have done? Scream ‘Bloody Rapist’ whenever she sees him? Drop out of school?

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

I hope “Citation” creates the needed awareness for higher institutions to have a functional, accountable, and transparent disciplinary committee. I hope after watching, young girls and boys who have been harassed by their teachers and persons in authority can find their voice.

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Have you ever been harassed by a lecturer or person in authority? Have you ever been denied good grades, placement, or promotion because you refused to surrender your body? I’ll appreciate it if you share your experience in the comment section, especially how you dealt with it. Also, If you have watched “Citation”, would you have done anything different from Moremi? What are your reservations/lessons from the movie? Shall we…👇👇

 

 

 

Do not forget to like, rate, and share this article!😁

 

9 min read

Today clocks one year of paranoia, seasonal depression, and frustration, cooperate and aggressive begging, low figure phobia, eluding story thirst, maintaining genuine and sour friendships (dependency syndrome), JOY and THANKS; all caught up in the birthing of the exceptional and interesting contents that make up this community; Muttering Minds🤗.

Hurrayyyyy!!!! 💃💃💃join me in cracking a smile at this point😅, Muttering Minds is a year today, and never have I been more drawn to a date like today. I am not big on birthdays but I feel strongly to eulogize this one because the process has touched (still does) so many facets of my life and invoked characters I never knew I was capable of hosting🤭. Kindly grab your popcorn as I’ll be entertaining you with the many highs and lows I’ve encountered for the past one year running Muttering Minds😃. Well, let’s pretend we got popcorn lol😜.Muttering Minds is ONE

THE BIRTHING🧘‍♀️

I am a free thinker and an imaginary traveler who is less concerned about what you ate last night or what news is getting the media berserk (except its mysterious🧟‍♀️) but instead, I am seduced by the things we are taught not to question especially spiritually👣. I love to know the unsaid stuff in people’s mind; I love to know what they do when no eye is preying, why they behave in a certain way, how they are feeling no matter how gory. And for every day that I’ve lived on this earth, my curiosity rather than killing my inner cat gives it more lives than nine. I knew I wasn’t the only one who thought in my direction, so one day I said to myself, “Why not create a channel of like minds”… and ding! ding! Muttering Minds was created; not out of dust, but from my uncanny psyche and desire💨.

Muttering Minds is One
Muttering Minds Official Logo

COOPERATE AND AGGRESSIVE BEGGING😒👺

How do you channel a good idea successfully to people who are unsure about their interest yet their collective efforts can go a long way in hitting the bullseye for you😖?  I had to master the fine art of ‘begging’, be it cooperate or aggressive; depending on whose mercy I’m at😰🥵.

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There’s a thin line between blogging and begging. While it’s excusable for beggars not to know how to blog, it’s an eyesore for bloggers not to be equipped with begging skills (take this seriously even though you are not a blogger😊). I am a proud individual…oops sorry, I take that back🤐. I used to be too proud until Muttering Minds came. The truth is, people will act like they are not seeing you until you come to them directly. “Oooh please😟😟 go and read my story nowwww🤯”…” ah have you read my story today🥶?”…”ooooohhh do it now now please, make sure you leave a comment🤢.” I cannot emphasize how much I have to reiterate these words daily to different individuals and like the Parable of the Sower in the bible, my pleas could fall on rocky ears💀, ears decorated with thorns😈, or a good ear😇.

Dog begging
There’s a thin line between blogging and begging.

 

GENUINE AND SOUR FRIENDSHIP (DEPENDENCY SYNDROME😣)

No matter how crooked they are, I quickly realized everyone around me has a role to play in pushing the envelope🤝, that’s why It’s become hard for me to spit some friendship out🤧. I need friends, good or sour, because the truth is, the good ones will not always be there to support my cause, and the sour ones are very good fall back plans🤗. If you are a creative or an entrepreneur, you can attest to the fact that friends are always the first fans. Taking my baby steps with Muttering Minds, I needed friends to always comment and share (still do🤪), I would practically disturb their peace through BC’s and direct messages and sometimes phone calls to be sure they read and comment😪.

Read: Friendship is a Ruse

“See Doris, I won’t always be there to like or comment, just keep pushing, you don’t have to depend on me always🤨”. I won’t lie, I felt so pained and hurt the day Taiwo one of my closest said this to me. I thought she’ll always have my back but then it is what it is😒. I understood her enough and there a question dawned on me; “Do my friends like Muttering Minds or they just follow for my sake🤔?” I am still unsure about the answer but I want to believe I have given them something worthy of their support😎.

Friendship

So far, my friends have been good to me even more than I have been to them💆‍♀️. Tempted to do some name-callings but I’ll pass for the fear of forgetting some👩‍🦯👩‍🦯. And the sour friendships too, some have even metamorphosed into genuine ones.

Dear Friends and Sour, I am still suffering from dependency syndrome, but I hope you all can bear with me some more until I can walk without staggering (I’ll still need you always😉). I love you all💖💖. But wait a sec! Do you love Muttering Minds or you’re just pretending?🤒

 

PARANOIA/ SEASONAL DEPRESSION AND FRUSTRATION😔🤯

I’ll be a liar if I tell you I sleep well on most nights. I’m not one of those blessed with the ability to sleep immediately and not wake at a little sound. I work late nights and the little hours are usually interrupted by a disturbing thought about Muttering Minds🥴 especially on the eve of posting a story. “Will they like it🥶?” “Will anyone find it offensive🤧?” “Will they learn😨?” “Will they laugh😣?”… most imperatively, “Will they be moved enough to give their likes and comment offerings😢?” I get so nervous and sabotage my worth even further.

paranoia
Source- The creative Cafe

As soon as I click ‘Publish’, my heartbeat starts moving faster than two competitors in a car race😤. Sometimes the turn out picks up really fast, other times it feels like I’m nursing the Adam’s curse where I have to sweat until I see results🥵🥵. “ooooh only one person has commented on my story😱!!! Gosh! Is it that bad😭😭? You told me it was interesting! You lied🙄?”…here’s me hassling my better half Aji and my friend Bubu who both often painstakingly read my stories before I publish. “Stop tripping! Only one comment yet!😑” That’s what Aji would say while Bubu laughs at me without reservation🤨 and afterward tells me to calm down. Sometimes their reactions make me feel better, other times more depressed until the results show up.

depression

After I’ve managed to achieve a smooth sail with everyone commending the content, the server starts to act up. “Ah Uju, your site is showing “Error in Database Connection o”…there I go, frustration 101. “Isaaaaaaccccc🤯🤯🤯… please check the site, it’s not opening🥺”. I swear my web guy would have sold me if he found a good buyer, I am a pain in his ass but it’s not my fault. And one awkward thing that usually happens is when he checks it, it opens immediately. What Witchcraft😐! Shout out to Isaac🤩, for tolerating my excesses, and the job well done always, you should hire him too.

THE STORIES; ELUDING STORY THIRST; LOW FIGURE PHOBIA😱

I get my story ideas mainly from conversing with people, not necessarily a good conversation. A good story needs a good title and visual to see it through. Sourcing pictures can be hard work, sometimes you search everywhere on Google still the picture you have in your head is nowhere close🧐. And the headlines too, I hate when it’s basic or predictable, I will rather not post the story if my head keeps coming up with gibberish titles. It sucks🤮!

What Phobia Is the Fear of Numbers?
Source- Verywell Mind

I fear low figures😤, I remember when I started, I had a disturbing obsession for traffic that I would post three stories daily. Like😂!!! I then cut down to one daily then four per week, three, and now one! Nothing has taught me more that quality beats quantity than having to test the waters myself😅. Now it’s a SOLID ONE 💪per week and everyone loves it (I think🙃). Or how many would you prefer weekly?

I doubt I can ever get over low figure phobia, I still catch myself gulping saliva whenever I’m checking my backend because I’m usually scared the numbers might break my heart😔. There was a time 100 clicks used to be a big deal to me, and then it graduated to 500 clicks per story😄. However now, I give myself a target of at least 3k clicks per story😅. Thanks to Twitter, the retweet groups, and my fraudulent act of spamming, I get to surpass my target. Please reserve some forgiveness for me in advance incase I spam your tweets in the future😂😂. I promise this too shall pass. In this new year, at least 5K clicks finna be my target😌.

emails

A credit alert or a new story alert (mail)? I am unsure which makes me happier🤔. I feel so elated and honored whenever someone finds me worthy to tell their story or feature it😁. To all of you who have contributed so far to MUTTERERS CLUB, my words are not enough to appreciate you, still, I am grateful🙌🙌. I will forever enjoy rubbing minds with each one of you to channel magic from your stories💦💦.

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P.s. bear in mind that every story you find under Mutterers Club is not mine (although edited by me🤓). You will also find some features under ‘Ask The MUTTERERS’ or ‘Movie Reviews’. The names of the writers are usually in the title area. That’s how someone sent me a DM on Twitter asking if I am bald😒. No please🤨, that’s not my story. If you need to share a story for a possible feature, CLICK HERE.

writers
Do not hesitate to send me your stories.

JOY! JOY! JOY! 😄And THANKS💃!

My joy is so tied to Muttering Minds and I don’t know if it’s a bad thing but this is where my heart is🧖‍♀️. Just like a mother feels when her child is sick, that’s how I feel every iota of emotion for this🧎‍♀️.

There have been some memorable joyful moments especially recently and I know it will keep getting better😆. Thank you all for making the burden light😄. Thank you all for igniting your minds to always connect with the stories; it’s priceless❣❣. I enjoy every time here, I hope you do also. Keep the mutterings coming on a high spirit as always💥💥.

Joy vs. Happiness:
So Joyful

 

I CAME BEARING A GIFT🎁

Oh yes🙊, but this one comes with a price😌. So I was thinking of a proper way to celebrate without cakes and candles since I’ve got no money for a jamboree (soon I promise you💋), so I thought to add value to someone’s life for a token. On this note, my writing agency @HIRE_A_WRITER_ decided to let CV’s and Cover Letters go for two thousand naira each (N2,000/ $5)😄. This offer will last from today September 24th, up until September 30th (one week👌). If you need to write your CV or Cover letter, please contact the number on the flyer below. Help me share with your circle also; you never know who needs it. I assure you a quality result💯💯.

Cv and Cover letter

I NEED TO CHIP THESE IN TOO💁‍♀️🙋‍♀️…

It’s a taboo if you aren’t a member of my inner caucus “Naked Minds”🙄… drive stubbornness away by clicking HERE to subscribe🤕. Follow Muttering Minds on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Affordable advertising plans are also available to small and big businesses, send a mail to mutteringminds@gmail.com if interested🙏.

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Oops! I guess you have finished your imaginary popcorn already, lol😂😂. For some reason, I saw the need to share what goes on ‘behind the scenes’ of the gripping stories you read here😄. Perhaps someone might be inspired🧘‍♀️.

The beauty of starting
Say something Niceeeee

Today is a special day for me, and I’ll appreciate you wishing me well and gush about Muttering Minds😆😆. Remember not commenting is equivalent to fraud😕. If you’ll love to suggest something that can help improve the growth of Muttering Minds too, feel free🙋‍♀️. If this is your first time here, you are welcome🙊, I’ll love to meet you in the comment section too🙈. Yes, I am begging! Please leave me a comment😿.

Once again, cheers to a gigantic ONE🍻, I hope to run the race forever with you all by my side💋❣.

 

5 min read

If you are an earpiece lover you would know how many dramas having an earpiece on can save you from. But sometimes, even with it on, some scenarios are unavoidable, you find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

As I rolled my eyes to the side of my window on the bus, I saw a group of men closing in on a lady like lions who were elated at the sight of prey. She was fair, pretty, and had a smallish body. She wore a mini gown that truthfully revealed a lot and might even reveal a lot more if she is not careful of how she moves.

Read: How Do I Get Better With Phone Calls?
indecent dressing
You find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

Why is she surrounded by these lions anyway? I wondered. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I turned down the volume of my music immediately and then looked closely so I wouldn’t miss anything. As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown. “Ashewo! Ashewo! Shior!!”, they chanted intermittently. All her attempts to challenge them and break free from their grip proved abortive. I presume luck went on vacation because no one was willing to help her either. Typical Nigerian lifestyle, we stare and make commentary.

Read: Shocked! Angry! Yet I couldn’t do Anything

I was irritated and became uncomfortable. The thought of fighting for the lady crossed my mind but then I realized that getting involved wouldn’t make much of a difference, considering the arrogant nature of the men. Watching the scene, it made me recall the time I tried to speak up for a little boy who was not given a fair space to sit even though he paid the same amount as everyone else on the bus but my tiny voice was so invisible amid the loud voices of the passengers that I almost cried.

indecent dressing
As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown.

Case One (A Lady And Her Cloth Choice)

The men finally let her go as they broke into an outburst of laughter coupled with abusive names and phrases. I shook my head in pity as I watched the lady pick up her phone (it had fallen during the squabble) and walk away in anger.

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After the show of shame, it seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations. The majority said she deserved what she got. Before then, I have heard of how a lady can be harassed in public, especially in market places when she is indecently dressed, and here’s me, witnessing a scene… wow!

Lady Indecent Dressing
It seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations.

In all honesty, I don’t think any lady deserves to be harassed in that way despite the fact that her dress sense at that moment was wrong. Wait a minute! Wrong? What even makes it wrong? If the wearer is comfortable in it then why throw stones?

Donate For Muttering Minds

Just recently too, there’s been a viral video of a lady who’s ass was groped by a man in a market place because of what she was wearing. While a group feels it was right to have her feel frustrated so that next time she knows better it makes me even sadder because as a lady, dressing even decently cannot save you. There are several times I go to the market and male sellers either grab me by my arm or shoulder just to get my attention on what they are selling. If my response is not friendly, they insult me. “Monkey!!! You no even fine self”… ah! Just because…!?

 

From what I could gather, it’s a fight between ‘ignorance’ and ‘choice’. Is it too difficult to look away if you don’t like what you see? Is it a crime to wear a clothing of choice? To the ladies, I’ll like to ask, have you been in such a situation before? How did you handle it? And the men, are you the type that castigates a lady for wearing revealing clothes or you look away?

Case Two (The Loud Voice Wins)

Have you ever been hurt because you couldn’t fight a good fight? You leave the scene feeling hopeless and for every day, months or years after its past, you still beat yourself up whenever you remember how much of a coward you were? She didn’t deserve to be treated that way and the fact that I couldn’t do anything, made my blood boil.

lady indecent dressing
You still beat yourself up whenever you remember

Situations like this have a way of denting my self-esteem. Do you ever wish you had a loud voice that could cover for you even though you are wrong? Most times, the loudest voice wins whether right or wrong. It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me. I thought of many things I could do to help the lady but I remained mute on my sit. And then again, I thought, perhaps there is someone else who is also irritated by the scene but helpless too. It also reminded me of the case of jungle justice, where the loudest voice wins because the ones who frown against the act are smaller in number. They are scared, they will rather not speak up to avoid being up for the slaughter too.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Have you ever been in such a tight fix too?  How do you handle the pang of guilt? Let’s discuss this, kindly leave me a comment on your opinion. 

lady indecent dressing
It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me.
Translations:

Ashewo– A Yoruba word that means ‘Prostitute’. Yoruba is a language spoken in West Africa and most prominently Southwestern Nigeria.

Shior– A Yoruba word that means ‘Rubbish’.

2 min read

Why do you seek change in a person? Is it because their lifestyle doesn’t reflect your personality? Or because it is actually bad for them to be that way? 

Recently, I was chatting with a colleague about something a new employee did and after narrating the ordeal, all he could say was; “there’s still time, you can still change her”. I laughed at him cause I’ve seen enough to understand that the idea of changing someone is like trying to mop the ocean. As much as change is deliberate and conscious, it’s personal too. 

Change
Why do you want them to change?
Read: The Mask Of Civility 

My colleague believes that he can change anybody. I’ve watched him try a couple of times and from my observations, he is more about his own ego to boast that he changed a person.

The truth is many of us are like him: obsessed with control and filled with the desire to fit people into a particular “ideal mould” not knowing that we can’t all be and act the same.

Change
Do people change?

We crave basking in the euphoria that comes with narrating the tale of how we changed an individual.

“ooo could you believe my boyfriend quit smoking because of me”

“If I wasn’t in her life, I wonder where she would be…I made her change”

You had to be featured in the story I guess.

I understand you highlighted pointers on why they should change that bad habit. You probably even had to aggressive to secure the change in them, I understand. 

Read: How To Get Better With Phone Calls

But do you really think they changed for you? Or they changed because they wanted to? What if they only feign a change in behaviour only when you are around? Have you ever considered these…

Change
It wasn’t because of you…

That quest to change someone to be what we want them to be is not only selfish but also vain. People should be allowed to bloom at their own pace. The least we can do is to inspire and walk with them if we can not try to alter their journey with our projections.

If they changed…If they ever will change…trust me, it wasn’t because of you. It was just about time.

 

2 min read

Arrrgghhh! Another day of the year I’m supposed to put on a happy face yeah and be all grateful right?

Well, I hate birthdays. And this is because for over 20 years of my life I’m yet to figure the purpose of celebrating it.

Why do we celebrate birthdays anyway? To show we are thankful to have lived another 365 days? For Christ sake, Lord in heavens knows that I am every freaking day. And the essence of the cake! For what exactly? I mean I could eat cake whenever I want dammit!

Read- Birthday Depression: Why Birthdays Are So Hard

I always get jittery every freaking time it’s my birthday, so jittery that I almost didn’t want to put this shit up. Do you see how it messes with me? Like I wish the day could be erased off the calendar, I wish I could disappear from the earth just for the day so I don’t have to put on that cliche happy face while receiving your ‘well-wishes’.

Are you wondering why I hate birthdays? Birthdays are feigned. You can celebrate me any day of the year. The idea of wanting to be the first to wish me, composing beautiful notes which ideally you wouldn’t send me, receiving gifts from people who expect you to give back on their own big days, and those who wish you expecting you wish them back on their days too… the list is endless. What makes it a happy birthday at the end of the day?

Read: Why You Should say No even when its Convenient 

Hate birthdays

I’m even bad at remembering birthdays. Rather I pretend to forget because I hate being fake. Don’t get me wrong, I acknowledge a few sincerely. But no matter how close you think we are, if I don’t feel it, I won’t wish you. And for all the times I sent a sorry text to have forgotten, I wasn’t sorry. We say what we need to say some times right?

Read: Am I the only one who hates phone calls?

Birthdays mess with me. It makes me wallow in a great degree of sober reflection without a  second of comic relief. While I am out here reckoning my achievements for a whole freaking year, some dingbat keeps buzzing my phone, asking where the party at. Arrrghhhhh!