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condolence

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2 min read

When she texted me saying she had just lost her dad, my reaction was although cliche but acceptable I bet.

“Wow! When did this happen… I am so sorry for your loss… How have you been holding up dear? Please accept my condolence “

But was this me? Was it how I wanted to react or how society taught me to? Society taught me this and also taught me not to ask the things I would have wanted to because I might come across as insensitive.

Read: Best RIP Messages 

How do you react to the news of death? I bet you are just like me who reacts in ways you are expected to and then you keep asking questions at the back of your mind…questions you would have loved the bereaved to answer for you but it’s very unfortunate you cannot ask.

When someone tells me they lost a loved one, I cannot help but ponder the gravity of fuzziness and distress that must be going on in their heads.

Read: Is Death An Open Sesame 

Do they feel their presence even though they are dead? Are they terrified to stay alone knowing that their ghost might appear like in the movies?

Were there any signs of death apart from the sickness that was noticeable? Were there any last words? Should I ask them how they truly feel?  Perhaps it wasn’t a loss for them but a relief? Should I ask them the real reason for their tears? Maybe they are mandated to cry after all!

I hate it whenever someone says during a funeral “Look at that one, she’s not even crying… She hasn’t cried the whole time”. For goodness sake! Is it now a cry competition? Do you know what’s in the heart?

Read: Death Of Loved Ones, Prior Gestures 

I haven’t lost anyone so close before, and I hope I don’t come across as insensitive. These are the thoughts that go on in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I sincerely give my condolence, but trust me there’s more to every condolence than meets the eyes. So much more I wish I could ask.

2 min read

Just as I was approaching my graduation ceremony in college, I had a serious fall out with a friend, wouldn’t want to go into details but it made us stop talking till date and mind you it’s been over two years as I write. 

Surprisingly, she sent me a text yesterday saying she just lost her dad and asked if I could come for the burial. 

Like helloooo!!! No apologies?  I understand how sensitive it is to lose someone but why text me? so I can offer my condolence and be there for her in any way possible?

But for God’s sake! This is someone who didn’t send me a ‘sorry text’ or asked me how I’ve been faring and viola she plays this card😒.  Leaving her text unattended verifies me as insensitive, I know, but all I can make from this is that she is trying to exploit my humane side for some cheap patchy reconciliation. Some bloody guilt trip!

reconciliation
Never to be caught faking a smile

Why is it hard to admit we are wrong without being melodramatic about it or trying to manoeuvre with guilt trip mechanisms? 

Asides from what my friend did, we humans are naturally this way. A matter that simple “I am sorry” can make well, we wouldn’t bulge but instead, we try to play silly comeback cards. 

READ: Tributes should not be a bed of lies…Stop!

Someone gets your goat and instead of apologizing immediately, waits until it is either your birthday, they are terribly sick or worst of had a near-death experience. They feel wishing you a happy birthday atones for their sins and before you say jack, you have given in to all their nasty smiles again.

READ: If Murder was legal for a day

 If you are guilty of this, stop. In as much as you want sympathy, first, apologize. If you sincerely feel the need to reconcile with someone, you should do so without any leverage to fall back on. Life is not hard😏

Dear friend, if your dad hadn’t died would you have texted me?

< 1 min read

Death is the inevitable end of Man. And most people have experienced the demise of a loved one at one time or the other. People respond to it differently.

For me, my weird mind begins to reason a lot of things. In the midst of the pain, I find myself scouring through their pictures, videos and write-ups (esp. on social media), searching for signs. Every word they ever said takes on a different meaning.

READ: IS DEATH AN OPEN SESAME?

death

The pictures and videos are the ones that mess with my mind the most. Dope pictures look gloomy. The pictures they’re not smiling look like they’re mourning. The ones were they’re smiling and laughing are the most pathetic. It’s as though they were enjoying the last days of their life.

As if they knew it would happen and were just saying goodbye.

READ ALSO: THERE’S MORE TO EVERY CONDOLENCE THAN MEETS THE EYE