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5 min read

Finally a wrap on our First Sex Experience Series. Aaaaaahhhhh!!! Drum rolls!! Belly tingling💃💃 and plenty of cheerssssss🥂….lol😁. The stories featured no doubt were a roller coaster of so many emotions ranging from pity to relief, gross grease to triggers, fragility to laughter and of course lessons. So tell me, did you learn a thing or more? 

Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet after getting an undiluted portion of people’s lives, so I’ll go first. Before I proceed I would like to especially thank those who submitted their stories. You see, penning the story is not the actual deal here but finding a balance with the courage to look back on the gory scenes ( to those who had an unpleasant first time), details, emotions and then carving a silver lining is everything. THANK YOU. Also, my sincere apologies to those who I couldn’t post their stories, the fault is on me, your stories were good enough. I undermined the turnout, I placed only a week for the series because I didn’t think many people were going to share their stories but the turnout surpassed my expectations. 

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Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet…

Now The Lessons

One of the purposes of the series was to prove if some sex myths are real, some of which I included while announcing the series. However, reading through the stories, I came to the conclusion that they are not myths but actually facts although not evident in everyone’s first time. Below are some of the things I learned;

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  • Change The Narrative:  Dealing with abuse is tough. If there is any lesson I wouldn’t miss from the first entry, “A ‘Red Episode’ Turned ‘Fairytale Romance”, is the strength shown by the writer. I admire her for taking charge of her memory, how she was able to forgo the first experience, and clinched to the better second is everything. Asides from sex, I most definitely will replicate this act going forward, choosing to see only the good and burying the bad.

first sex experience

  • Be Mindful Of Who You Keep Close: From Abuse To Addiction’ is a biting epiphany. It proves that many people molested at a tender age were either molested by relatives or close parties. I will end this by quoting what a follower on Twitter, @oshiombo_alaka said in reaction to the story “What is happening to your children when you are away from home? Are the people you entrust your children with worthy of the responsibility? The failure to promote moral uprightness will hurt every one of us. Are you willing to stand for what is right in everything around you?”

first sex experience

  • Pain, Joy… And The Clingy Bits: One story that checked some of our proposed sex myths is ‘Pleasure And Gateway To My Insecurities’. The writer having acknowledged the pain and pleasure lets us in on the aftermath of her sex experience. Despite admitting to having her first sex with someone she was heels over head in love with, she found herself getting insecure and clingy and that became the death of the relationship. It made me realize that most break-ups that occur after a girl’s first sex might not actually be because the dude got what he wanted but because insecurities and incessant fights play a vital role.

first sex experience

 

  • A Rise In Ego: hehehehehehehe… yes, I am laughing and if you followed the series you can easily figure out the culprit story. Yesssss…‘Teenage Sexventure Gone Wild’. The writer was apparently the only one who decided not to play anonymous and rather than judge him, you end of having a good laugh. He checked one of our sex myths, ‘ego boost’ for men. Most men had their ego a step ahead after laying with a woman for the first time. In Joshua’s words… “Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex…”

first sex experience

 

  • For You Or Society: ‘A Tale Of Two Rookies’ takes off the cloak on celibacy and virginity. Do you understand the importance of celibacy and keeping your virginity? Or you are one of those lost in society’s yardstick for measuring virtue. Why celibacy? What happens when you do or don’t? Everyone ought to have a meaning for themselves, not just jumping on the bandwagon.

first sex experience

 

  • Curiosity Killed The Cat: Ideally reading the title ‘Taste And See…’ one is curious to know what the writer tasted and found out. Did he taste sex to become an addict or did he taste sex to flee? You never know until you read. If you are curious to know how sex feels chances are you’ll end up regretting your first try because of the many expectations you had. 

first sex experience

 

Observations/ Suggestions

Special thanks to everyone who ensured good publicity for the series by posting daily updates via their social media handles. Despite the sensitivity surrounding the word ‘sex’ and backlash from rigid minds, some of you kept publicizing regardless. Sincerely, I’m taken by your kind gesture.  

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While the First Sex Experience Series was on, some parties who were unable to catch up asked if there was an e-book available for download. So I got thinking, should we create an e-book for the series? Perhaps it will also be a good idea to include all the stories that didn’t make it to the website. On the other hand, I feel the individuals who have their stories featured have a huge role in deciding whether or not. Please let me know your opinion in the comment section.

first sex experience
Spot the Logo on the book cover!!! Art by my beloved friend Onyinye Okechukwu. She is a video editor and a digital artist…and also a full-fledged Mutterer

Now the deal with the comment section! I’m curious to know why you read and zooooooommmmmmmm… are the articles so uninteresting and not cogitating enough for me to get your feedback? Remember it’s Muttering Minds, if you don’t comment your reservations here, where else? So shall we…? Let’s start with the lessons you learned from the sex series, One! Two! Ready! Go!

 

6 min read

When you’re a teenager and you’ve already gone first, second and almost third base, somehow you know that losing your virginity is just a matter of time. This is the story of the first time I had sex and lost my boyish innocence.

I was 17-years-old and was not in any relationship. I hadn’t a girlfriend yet, but I had come across a few girls (neighbors and school mates) who were willing to experiment. I touched breasts, caressed thighs, felt the lump in between their legs through their pants and attempted to kiss them unsuccessfully. While they in turn touched my penis through my clothes till I had a wet patch on my shorts.

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I was 17-years-old and was not in any relationship. I hadn’t a girlfriend yet, but I had…

As you become bolder, these kids become boring. And in my time, there were few teen girls who were sexually active, and I really wanted to feel what I have only imagined when reading Hints magazine and a few other novels. The writers made me believe that the moment my dick finds its way into a pussy, I would be out of this world. My imaginations were filled with how I’d thrust with the strength of a stallion and do all those things that always didn’t sound possible to me then like kissing her lips, neck, breasts and even her belly while maintaining a rhythm of thrusting into her as if that part of my body is on its own. I read in one of the stories then that girls even call out a man’s name when he’s thrusting in, I wanted that. I wanted to feel her hold me very tight and scream my name from her lungs. So I was ready.

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I wanted to feel her hold me very tight and scream my name from her lungs. So I was ready.

There’s this older girl I always got movies for, she was in her mid-twenties. She was just visiting her brother’s place and was very fond of me. So I did what I thought would stand as wooing her. I cleared my allowance, bought her favourite fruit drink for her with the latest movies from the video club. And she jokingly asked “this one you got me these, are you sure you’re not looking for something else than watching a movie with me?”. Then I asked “will you give it to me?” She laughed so hard I became embarrassed. But I didn’t run out like my mind told me to. I stayed back, to at least enjoy the movie I hired. 

Halfway into the movie, she whispered “have you ever done it with anyone before”, half excited that she knew my goal for being there…I said ” No, I have never”. She went back to the movie. At this time, I was just watching her legs from the shorts she’s wearing and imagining her breasts and how they would feel on my palms. This imagination got me hung like a horse with a hard on.

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she whispered “have you ever done it with anyone before”,

The movie finished. She got up and walked towards the door, I felt disappointed and thought “this is it, you tried”. Then I heard the door shut and bolted, I looked back and she smiled and said ” follow me”. She led me to her brother’s bedroom (it was a room and parlour), and she asked “do you have a condom?” I said Yes (excited. My friend Willi had given me a condom he always had in his wallet. He bequeathed it to me like a family heirloom, and expects to hear juicy gist.

She laid down on the bed on her back and asked me to join her. I quickly stripped off everything I was wearing including my boxers. She laughed as my dick popped up and pointed forward like a newly sharpened pencil. She was still clothed, so I started fumbling through my clothes, found the condom, and started struggling to open it. My heart was beating very fast and she came closer to me, took it from my hands, and with such precision tore it open and wore it on me with ease. It was the first time a girl touched the skin of my dick. And it felt inexplicably good.

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She came closer to me, took it from my hands, and with such precision tore it open

Then she pulled down just the short she wore along with the pants, and the images I’ve only seen the erotic photos popped up before me. She left her blouse on and was naked from the waist downwards. I quickly climbed up next to her, started positioning my dick with one hand as I went to grab her breast with the other hand, but she smacked the hand on her breast off and said “don’t touch me, just put it inside me”. I started fumbling, I didn’t know the hole. I even almost went for the anal opening. So she took my dick, guided it inside. It was a feeling that was just…wow.

I felt this new warmth over my dick first, then over my whole self and I started thrusting, hoping to make her squirm like in the stories, and even make her call my name. But as I thrust for about thirty seconds, I felt it…the rush, which only came when I masturbated, it took over me and I grunted as I felt semen oozing out of me and into…you know…lol. Then I collapsed on her, she laughed, rubbed my back and quickly said ” Oya get up, dress up and go. My brother will soon return”.

Read: What First Time Sex Is Like For Guys
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But as I thrust for about thirty seconds, I felt it…the rush, which only came when I masturbated,

I pulled out, she collected the semen filled condom, I wore my clothes, looked at her and said thank you, then left.  When I got to my house, I felt so disappointed. I just said “was this it?” sex felt too quick and sudden. I said okay, I will try again. After many rejections from her, she finally agreed again. This time I lasted longer, maybe seven minutes. I wouldn’t let myself ejaculate until she asked me to. Though she didn’t take her blouse off again (and no breasts or kissing for me)..,just thrusting with both hands on either sides of her belly.

After the second exercise, my feelings towards sex didn’t really change much, except for the bragging right that I have been with a woman. The experience didn’t come close to my imaginations, and I went on to become a celibate for the next nine years before I had sex with a smile on my face.

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The experience didn’t come close to my imaginations, and I went on to become a celibate for the next nine years before I had sex with a smile on my face.

Getting laid requires creativity.  It is so energy sapping, and for what, a few minutes of  excitement? If you’re still a virgin, I want to say kudos. Please hold on to it for as long as you can. Do everything you would as a young person before you have sex, because after you do…your drive drops and keeps dropping till you lose interest in certain goals. Here is a test to show you how much sex takes away. Go celibate for a period. You will see clearer, your energy will be top notch and your mind will be so sharp to create whatever you want to. Sex is not necessarily overrated, if anything, it is underrated. It is such a powerful thing that we take for granted to our detriment.

 

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4 min read

Prior to and during my secondary school education, I wasn’t given so much liberty, I attended a boarding school and was usually under surveillance but a girl’s got to have her way innit… I was really smart and versatile  and peculiar with many boy-girl tricks. It is safe to say no guy could pull a fast one on me. 

There was nothing like sex until I got to university at age 17. During my first year in school, I had a neighbour who I was fascinated by. You know this kind of guys who have charisma, mind their business and say little or no words to anyone yet girls trip, he is that kind. The times our paths crossed it would just be me having a glimpse of his shadow. Finally, my roommate introduced us as friends, unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

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Unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

I was young, vulnerable, feeble-minded and most importantly, finally free. I could decide what I want at any given time compared to the regimented kind of life I was familiar with. Gradually, we became close, I would ask my roommate to serve him meals whenever we cooked, I pitied him so much, sometimes I would say to myself, “poor boy that has no one, how would he cope?” As if I had anyone too..lol

While he was reserved and quite intelligent, I was the social and versatile one…As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as he wasn’t that experienced with the whole love thing. So we started a relationship that was beautiful whilst it lasted. Sex wasn’t a topic we talked about too much but we bore it in mind that it will happen at the right time when we were both ready.

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As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as…

Unplanned maybe, but it happened. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, a long burnt orange polo dress, I had made dinner for the both of us and we were having a good time. Things got a little slippery and off we went. Truly, I didn’t know what I was doing until I did it. It happened so fast…awkwardly sweet…and messy. I had to lead, I had to take charge… you know why? It was also his first sex too. I can’t really tell if I felt deep emotions, for me it was like a project that had to be executed and gotten over with. I actually wasn’t ready, I thought I was but I wasn’t.  So about the messy side…there was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time. No fun. As time went on, we transitioned into other sex styles, It took a while especially mental readiness before I started enjoying sex. 

Read: My boyfriend and I are both virgins. How do we get through our first time?
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There was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time.

Not against those who say sex is not a big deal, it is their opinion after all, for me, it actually is one big deal everyone should know about at the early stage of their life. Talks, sessions, advises, etc should be offered in this regard. Do not let children pick up stories from the wrong people and term it as knowledge or experience. If you want to abstain, you need to understand the reason why you want to abstain or why you are told to do so, not just following the bandwagon. Also to parents and guardians, approach matters a lot. Whatever approach you want to use to hold your point, make sure you drill your point and explain rightly up till the root, and be sure you are well understood and not assumedly perceived. A lot of people lose their virginity because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t. As partners, if you decide to be celibate, here are questions you can ask yourselves;

  1. Why Celibacy?
  2. What happens when we do, what is our gain?
  3. What are we looking forward to?
  4. What if we don’t?
Why Should You Practice Abstinence For Sexual Celibacy? | Penile ...
Why celibacy?

These above pointers also apply to singles. People should not put themselves under the societal pressure of ‘going celibate’ or ‘keeping their virginity’ when they don’t have deep insight into the core values and heavenly blessings surrounding it. Like the bible puts it in Hosea 4:6,  “my people perish because of lack of knowledge”, I think that’s what is wrong with a lot of us. I don’t have regrets, but I wish I would have had it in a better way. I have moved from it and have learnt to make my choices wisely.

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6 min read

Growing up in Surulere, Lagos Nigeria, was one of the best things that happened to me. You know the popular saying “if you no fit wise for Lagos, you no fit wise anywhere” right? residents of Surulere have their own version which says, “if you no Ja for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life.” In plain English, it means If you don’t get wise living in Surulere, no other location can make you wise.

Living in surulere, you are exposed to a lot of things that will either make or break you and that includes sex at a young age. My first sex experience was almost at age fifteen, it was not how I envisioned it to be though. I imagined it would be after a candlelight dinner, roses on the floor and on the bed with soft slow music like I usually read in the many romantic novels my eldest sister owned (I always read them without her knowledge). To make it worse, my first sex wasn’t with the love of my life, it was more of me trying to act out what I watched in a pornographic film.

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if you no JA for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life

Growing up I had a thing for older women and then living in a ‘face me I face you’ compound or ‘face me I slap you’ (whichever name you are familiar with), I had a lot of big aunties in my compound that I fancied and imagined sticking my penis in them. Crazy right? I was exposed to porn at a young age by a fellow kid in my compound who had stumbled on it from a Chip and Dale cartoon videotape his dad had bought for them. Poor dad, he had no idea such was on the tape because you had to wait about five minutes after the cartoon had ended for the porn to start playing.

 

Now to the big gist lol. My first sex happened after my Junior WAEC, spending a lot of time at home doing nothing, an idle mind was no doubt going to be the devil’s workshop. She was always home alone too because she wrote the exams as well. She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched. I usually sent her love notes indicating I wanted sex and somewhere at the back of my mind praying deep within that she doesn’t show her parents. Also to push my desires further, I would buy her agoyin and agege bread (local made beans and bread) every morning with my pocket money and finally one day she agreed.

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She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched.

In my wildest imagination, I never pictured my first sex was going to happen inside a public bathroom but it was the safest because both our apartments were not safe, anyone could badge in at any time. I remember I had to go in through the bathroom window that had burglary proof. Guess what, they lived upstairs and we stayed downstairs, meaning I had to climb the iron that housed the water tank but was close to the bathroom window. Thinking of it now, I still don’t know how I managed to pull that off.

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I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her.

I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her. Luckily for me, it was not her first time so she was always guiding me, also I think the videos helped a little. A lot changed about me afterwards, psychologically it made me start feeling and acting more mature than my age. I stopped doing what my age mates were doing and always wanted to be in the loop of every senior joke… after all what have they done that I haven’t? Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex.

First sex
It became a routine

My relationship with her after the first sex improved a lot, I was always looking forward to the next time as she became a means for me to practice everything I watched or read about sex. In fact, it became a routine (twice every day), immediately everyone had left the compound to work and before everyone came back from work or school. Our relationship got bad when she started getting clingy and wanted me to let everyone know I was her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her I had already moved up a league, and she was my side chick, in my tiny mind oh…so I ran for my life. 

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I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls

During my university days, there were times I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls (don’t judge me oh) but I have slowed down now. Looking back, I have a different view and I think the sex thing is just so overrated, most especially in Nigeria. Don’t say because I have had my own fair share now I am saying it is overrated oh, but if you look closely you will see it is.

My candid advice to virgins out there would be to stay virgins until they are very sure and want to give it up to the right person. Spoiler alert!  you always end up giving it to the wrong person LOL. Remain a virgin because it is easier to abstain from sex when you are still one than when you are not, trust me konji na bastard, in plain terms I mean sexual urge can make you go crazy.  If you try all the ‘I am going celibate’ yarns and you don’t have Christ in you, no principles, and still consume substances that spike the desire for sex, like alcohol and late-night romantic movies, or movies with plenty sex scenes, my dear your celibacy race will only last at most six months or maybe eight before you become the ‘knacker’ or the ‘knackee’ again.

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Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship.

Different people have different reasons why they always want to go celibate, as for me, I don’t want to and don’t plan to. I don’t even put the word in my head, because putting the word in your head will end up putting you under pressure. If I want to abstain, I abstain.

I am currently in a committed relationship and we are sexually active. Sex is good for the body and the mind when done the right way and without any pressure from either party. Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship. So it is better not to lose your virginity than saying you want to go celibate in the long run.

 

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4 min read

Every girl’s dream or should I say most is to wait until their wedding night to serve their cherry on a gold platter to that special someone for a pop. I was like most girls but my race was cut short after I stumbled upon his cute face. He had the most amazing smile and set of teeth I’ve ever seen and to crown it all, he was a senior member of the beard gang association… Oh, how I love beards!

Shortly after I gained admission into the university, I ran into Mr X, we had a lot of things in common which made our friendship kick off at a fast pace. We were inseparable and did almost everything together, including studying. He was consistent with checking up on me and always ensured I was comfortable by dropping gifts and goodies frequently. We both knew we wanted more than just basic friendship, but he had a girlfriend so it was a red flag. 

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To crown it all, he was a senior member of the beard gang association… Oh, how I love beards!

A new session began, and lord knows I couldn’t wait to set my eyes on him, I had missed him so much. Sometime during the holidays on one of our long phone conversations, he mentioned he had ended the relationship with his girlfriend, I was excited. As we kicked off the new semester he asked me out, I guess you already know what my answer was. 

Virtually every chance I got, I ensured my lips and tongue underwent a journey all over his lips, accompanied with some sexy lip bites…yes I love kissing, shoot me!!! and being a chairlady of the big boobs gang, I showed a little cleavage and skin whenever I could.

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And being a chairlady of the big boobs gang, I showed a little cleavage and skin whenever I could…

For the first few weeks in the relationship, we were touring only the north region and never went down south. Although he made few attempts I always repelled his wishes mainly because of the scary stories I heard about how messy and painful first sex is. I wasn’t ready for such pain. Weeks went by until I brought myself to terms that it had to be done. O boy! I tasted the forbidden fruit and I could tell already that it was going to purge me because I was definitely going back for more. Although painful, my first sex was sweet and worth it.

First sex

I was a 19 years old girl who was deeply in love and felt it was the right time. I understood the implication of my decision. Prior to losing my virginity, I never saw myself as a jealous or insecure girlfriend but afterwards, these sides began to show. It seemed as though every girl I saw him talk to or hang out with was trying to replace me. Something in me felt like he had had the cookie and was ready to move over to the next available one. Crazy insecure thoughts right?

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I was definitely going back for more. Surprisingly my first sex was sweet.

I couldn’t let him in on what my insecurities were to avoid looking desperate, God forbid anyone should perceive me that way. My insecurities built up and caused a huge dent in our relationship. I doubted every move and words he said and you know being in a relationship where one party doesn’t trust the other creates way for doom. After several attempts to make things work, we came to the conclusion of going our separate ways though we still remained friends. 

Looking back, I wouldn’t change anything even if I had the power to because every act shaped me into the lady that I am now, and truthfully I don’t think it would be fair to deprive my younger self of all the enjoyment I had. With him I had my best sexual experiences. 

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After several attempts to make things work, we came to the conclusion of going our separate ways

Sex is not overrated, it is a beautiful experience and opening yourself to another being especially someone you’re deeply in love with is amazing. I used to think that I was a sex freak, and can never go celibate because whenever I was with him I can’t seem to keep my hands to myself but look at me now, I haven’t been with anyone in over seventeen months. 

If you’re still flying your V-card (still a virgin) and you’re caught between crossroads on what to do, don’t compromise for anyone whatsoever. Whatever you do should be on your own terms. 

 

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4 min read

My first sex was more of an abuse than an experience, 10-years-old me getting deflowered by my female cousin who I think was about 18-years-old. Looking back, I wonder how a teenager got so spoilt, perhaps she was abused too.

She always came over especially during the weekend and on one occasion, she took a liking to touch me when no one was home. I didn’t think much of it then as I always felt since she bathed me and she was older there was no reason to object. Maybe I liked it also, I can never say, but then she kept playing with my penis every time we were alone. Fortunately for her, we were always alone, as I was an only child then and my parents were never around.

first sex experience
Fortunately for her, we were always alone, as I was an only child then and my parents were never around.

One day, I was on my bed reading (one of those kid storybooks) when she came in and asked me to massage her back. I was glad to abandon my book as I was already bored, she took off her clothes in front of me and made me stare at her boobs. I was amazed at the sight so I got on her back and started rubbing her back. She turned and I had her breasts in my hands. She got me to rub them and before I knew it, she already got my penis out of my pants.

Read: Am I The Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Then she asked me to take my clothes off and lie on my back. I obeyed and she started blowing me, I had never ever felt the way I felt that day. It wasn’t comfortable, the only thing I knew my penis was for was to pee, the idea of a mouth sucking it was strange and confusing for me. After that she started fingering herself and she sat on my dick, at first I didn’t know what she was doing was called sex, it didn’t even occur to me that that moment would mar my life for a very long time.  She got on with riding me till I started crying and grumbling that my penis was hurting. She threatened that if I don’t remain quiet, she was going to slap me. She kept riding and moaning until she started shivering and collapsed on me. Afterwards, she got dressed and acted like that day never happened till today.

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Afterwards, she got dressed and acted like that day never happened till date.

It was like a game I didn’t understand, from that moment I wasn’t the same, I kept wondering what happened. I was confused and curious to know what we did, I couldn’t ask my parents because we were not close. I didn’t know I was even dis-virgined until two years later when I watched my first porn and knew what sex really was. I got curious and wanted to experience the feeling again. I became obsessed with anything that had to do with sex. 

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I wanted to experience that feeling again with my cousin.  I was addicted to her, I would smell her panties and clothes, even if it’s just to feel myself and get hard. Unlike me, she was mean to me afterwards, she never called me up for it and kept acting like nothing happened. But I wanted her, I wanted her to ride me again, but she never wanted me again. I was obsessed with her until I was about seventeen years old.

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Until two years later when I watched my first porn and knew what sex really was

The incident made me addicted to sex. I lost count of the number of girls I have slept with just to experience that never-ending lust and sexual urge my cousin created in me. I couldn’t have a normal relationship with girls, I didn’t have a female friend that I never wanted to sleep with, my relationships didn’t last four months as I was never satisfied with the same girl after three times of having sex with them.

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Much later in my adult life, it dawned on me that it wasn’t normal so I opted to see a counsellor. I realized the sexual abuse was what triggered my obsession with sex so I began therapy. As time went on, I got help and started living a normal life. 

first sex experience
There’s no soul connection or bond there, it isn’t two lovers meeting each other in blissful pleasure and harmony, it’s just sex.

You might think that my opinion is biased because of my experience but sex is overrated. I know a lot of styles and I’ve slept with all types of girls, so it really isn’t anything more than the penetration and cumming after minutes of pounding. There’s no soul connection or bond there, it isn’t two lovers meeting each other in blissful pleasure and harmony, it’s just sex. 

Virgins shouldn’t burst their caps or sweat their balls trying to perfect their first time, but they should just be careful with who they lose it to because we always most of the time end up getting addicted to our first partners. 

 

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4 min read

My first sex experience wasn’t the cliche ‘love struck’ thing neither was it passionate or sweet. It was a ‘red’ episode.

I lost my virginity at the age of seventeen to a guy way older than me. Truth be told, I actually did like him because he was nice or maybe it was all pretence. One afternoon after summer lesson I paid him a visit (a harmless visit, I thought), fast forward past the jokes and laughter, the mood became intense and the young man began to cajole me for “just the tip”. Young and naive or should I say a part of me was curious so I gave in.

Without full penetration, my hymen broke. The blood flow coupled with severe pains made me scream so much like a woman in labour. “Don’t worry, it’s better I did it at least it won’t be hard when you get to the university”, he said. No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react. 

Read: Are You On Your Period?
first sex experience
No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react.

Why did I visit? I messed up. In this part of the world where mental health is given no importance, it affected me mentally but I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. I became uncomfortable with sex talks, scared of the thought of penetration and cringed whenever I heard words like penis, dick or prick. Yuck!

My fears followed me to university, I hated guys to some extent, I could only cope in a relationship so long as sex wasn’t involved. I had sweet relationships but I usually would jump, scream, and sometimes cry whenever they asked for sex. This was how I scaled through several relationships in university.

first sex experience
Love me? but no sex!

Fast forward to life after university, waiting to serve ‘mama Nigeria’, I liked someone, he was crazier about me than I was though. He is smart, a spender(he had good money), liked to show his woman off, a good adviser, and a deep talker. No lies, I was blown away, which girl on earth wouldn’t want that kind of man?  Definitely not me. Even though at that time I was all about myself, career and tried not to make love a priority, I really liked him and he was serious about a relationship and settling down with me.

He said I was different, I made sure he knew my stance on how painful and uninteresting I saw sex and so all attempt to make love was a ‘No No’ until one fateful night after our ‘romantic beach trip’. After having so much fun, we got to the estate only to realize the entrance gate was locked so we lodged in a hotel.

Read: Personal First Time Sex Stories
first sex experience
One fateful night after our “romantic beach trip”

An unforgettable experience but he was a sweet gentleman. I knew I wasn’t ready but it just happened. I had to binge drink some alcohol to make me numb to the pains and his sweet words made me more comfortable too. “It won’t hurt, not everyone bleeds the first time”, he assured me.  The loud-soft scream I let out with my eyes shut ended the night. This was a few days after my 21st birthday. 

Sex felt overrated, I was indifferent and wondered if everything people said was true or possibly I had it with the wrong person. No, I didn’t look forward to another sexcapade but  I was in a relationship so it happened over and over. I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about. 

first sex experience
I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about.

Here’s something I figured, one could actually care and love you without sex involved, also, not every relationship should be all about sex. Although we broke up, we still keep in touch cause beyond the sex, we are both intellectuals and still discuss business and life. My childhood experience did have a grave effect on me but overcoming it is what matters. Glad I was able to meet someone who made sex worth trying again. When people ask me what age I lost my virginity, I usually say 21, because I have chosen to let that bad memory go away and stick with this beautiful one.

Sex is sacred for me. If you don’t love them, don’t sex them, especially if it’s your first time to avoid bad memories lurking. Even though I looked forward to candle lights, sweet savouring smell, roses littered in a jacuzzi for the first time, I believe it played this way for a reason. And hey, to virgins out there wondering if to try or not, make sure it’s  not because of peer pressure or empty talks.

 

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4 min read

My first sex experience was remarkable. Everything I expected and more.

Some backstory. For the longest time, I thought there was something “wrong” with me sexually. I couldn’t masturbate. I was terrified of sex and extremely scared of penises. I was convinced I’d never have sex.

Fast forward to my (ex) boyfriend. I told him this when we were friends, he was very understanding. Once we started dating, he assured me we could do as much or as little as I was comfortable with. We started off slow, spending a month and a half getting familiar with our bodies and what made us tick.

first sex experience
Something just told us today was the day.

No one was home. We were getting ready to leave for dinner (it was a surprise for his birthday). Something just told us today was the day. I was filled with anticipation as he double-checked that the condom was in place. I was so excited. He held my hand and asked me if I was sure about this. It was his first time too. I assured him I was more than sure.

And honest to God, as cliche and cheesy as this is, it was “magical.” I didn’t feel any pain. Just pure pleasure. He was gentle in all the right ways and not so gentle at all the right times. My boyfriend had been in love with me for a while but I just “liked” him. But something inside me changed. It felt as if we were now connected by body and soul, cheesy as FUCK, I know. I was filled with so much love for him at that moment. We both felt it. In the middle of it all, I declared “I love you.”

First sex experience
And honest to God, as cliche and cheesy as this is, it was “magical.” I didn’t feel any pain. Just pure pleasure.

We lasted a while. We were late for dinner. His friends knew what was up, it was written all over our faces. My feelings of love didn’t disappear once it was over. It was one of the best moments of my life. Although he’s no longer in my life, I will continue to cherish it.

 

First Sex Experience Series:

Whether you’ve had a lot of sex experiences or none at all, two things are certain: If you’ve had sex, you can never forget your first experience even though as time goes on it might become tiny fragments in your imagination. And if you haven’t had sex, you are most times likely to catch yourself picturing how the first time will be. 

There are several facts and myths surrounding having sex for the first time, it varies per gender.

An Approved List of Things That Can Go Into Your Vagina – SheKnows

For Females:
  • Compulsory pain and bleeding.
  • Becoming clingy to their first sex partner.
  • Body changes.
  • Feeling of regret or remorse (especially depending on circumstances surrounding).
For Males:
  • Overt excitement.
  • Ego boost.
  • Increase in penis size.
  • Looking forward to more sex adventure

 

First-Time Sex: 20 Questions About Losing Your Virginity, Answered ...

While these are based on collective generalizations, a lot of virgins are unsure about what to expect. Losing one’s virginity is a unique experience, despite prior knowledge about sex and daydreams, you cannot be certain it will match your expectations or fall short except you try. 

You’re probably wondering why I’m all about sex today right? Well to wrap up the month of April starting from the 27th up until May 4th, 2020, we’ll be sharing stories about our first sex experience (#FirstSexExperienceSeries).

First sex experience

Why are we doing this? Asides from the fact that curiosity makes us drawn to the untold stories of people, sex ranks among the shyest topics. People avoid it especially their first experience. So I thought, why not give people a platform to talk about their first sex experience with the sole purpose of narrating it in a didactic way. There’s a lot to learn.

Sex means different things to a lot of people. To some it is the best kind of intimacy/ bonding with their significant other, to some it is a sacred act, to some it is only a duty and to some, for mere pleasure. I don’t know how true it is but I read somewhere that whatever sex means to a person goes a long way in defining who they really are. Also, what it means to an individual could change as they experience life.

Did You Miss Our First Series? Click Here

7 Naughty Ways to Surprise Your Man in Bed | CafeMom

How was your first sex experience? Is it worth learning from no matter the circumstances surrounding it? Is it one you’ll love to share? If yes, the following are vital questions your story should provide answers to if they must be featured.

  • At what age did you lose your virginity?
  • Would you say it was the right time or due to pressure?
  • Did the experience meet your expectations?
  • How did you feel afterwards? (body changes, psychologically, socially)
  • Did it make your relationship better or worse? More intimate/clingy?
  • Were there any regrets?
  • Did you look forward to a second time?
  • What does sex mean to you?
  • Is sex is overrated?
  • What advice would you give to virgins?

It is important that you stay truthful in telling your story, you never know who is learning. All stories should be sent using the ‘Submit Story’ page. If you wish to remain anonymous, kindly indicate in your story. Thank you for your willingness in advance, I can’t wait!

 

First Sex Experience Story source- Dana Koussa on Quora.com

 

8 min read

As a child, I had a very high libido, I loved the idea of sex right from when I was 12 as I read a lot of erotica (still do) that made me get addicted to masturbating from that age. I loved the idea of a boy wanting me and touching me. I was basically boy crazy in secondary school, I got in at age 10 meeting classmates a little older. They would watch porn and sometimes I watched it with them. I loved it but what really piqued my interest was the romance novels. I have an imaginative mind so I would vividly imagine what was going on in my head which led me several times to rub myself on the pillow and just any surface.

By the time I was in SS2 I had my first orgasm in class when my female friends were talking and I became horny and I kept rubbing my thighs together. I couldn’t scream I just laid my head on the desk and tried to calm down. I didn’t know it was because of my ovulation. Fast forward to after my WAEC and was home waiting for admission. I began to explore my body by touching myself and doing all sorts of nasty things to make me cum. For some reason, I began to watch lesbian porn and it appealed so much to me and I started to see girls differently. I would imagine myself kissing a girl, touching her, and having lesbian sex. It was my little secret.

Read: I Missed A Step At Becoming A Lesbian
How do lesbians have sex? Myths, tips, positions, and more
Source- Net Doctor

I VOWED

I couldn’t place how my love for sex and sexually related topics continued to blossom despite coming from a strict religious home. I grew up in a conservative home where we prayed for everything. I was the best in Sunday school and in fact the golden girl in church. I read passages in the bible of the head and would compete in bible quizzes where I was either first or second.

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My mum is a konk Christian woman who has a grave hatred for trousers, makeup, and so on, but my dad has no religion. My mum would always preach chastity to me as per the first child and warned me about not bringing disgrace to the family. She had no idea I was sunk in pornography because I knew how to play obediently. The only time she found something foul with me was when I was 14 and she read my diary and saw I had a crush on one of the boys in my class. She didn’t take it lightly with me, she ranted about my sin for days and I vowed to never let her know anything about me again.

Mother scolding frustrated daughter for being a lesbian
Source- Westend61

AND UNIVERSITY CAME CALLING

I had come to accept that females were more sexually appealing to me than males, but I was scared to pursue it for fear of family wrath so whenever the feeling came, it remained in my head.

The temptation grew out of hand when I got an admission to the university and had two female roommates. You know how girls are, always wanting to be either stark naked or half-naked when they’re indoors. My roommates barely wore clothes and I found myself sexually attracted and tempted to suck their nipples and do everything sexually crazy to satisfy my sexual urge. The urge was strong, but I lacked the confidence to approach either of them so I hated anytime they were naked and tried to caution them. I never let them in on my true feelings.

I wasn’t bold enough to approach any female on campus either to propose how I felt, so I made it a conscious effort to scrap the idea of being with a lady.

shy black lesbian having sex
Source- Comfy Girl With Curls

FINALLY MET HER

Last year, I clocked 20 and had sex for the first time (heterosexual sex). I can’t remember a lot but it was uncomfortable. I started having sex properly after that. I love having sex with men but I never had orgasms, I mostly faked it and since my pussy is usually very wet, none of the men would imagine I wasn’t satisfied. I usually would masturbate after sex to get full satisfaction.

Read: My Crooked Smile Experience as a Lesbian in Nigeria

I met my present boyfriend this year. He made me feel good. He is dark and handsome and has a very nice personality but his friend, a female, has this aura that makes me surrender. So intriguing, she is sex-positive and openly bisexual. She rekindled my suppressed feeling for females and truthfully I’ve found myself wanting her more than I want my man.

bi and lesbian sex
Source- Book Riot

One night I was high and when I am high,  I have no inhibitions. We were watching a movie and she placed her head on my lap. I started touching her little by little, then I touched her breasts, and she turned and kissed me. It was beautiful. She kissed me and asked if she could touch me properly. I said yes. Then she told me to take off my dress. She opened my legs and smelled me. She inhaled deeply and smiled. She told me I smelled good. I felt happy. She pulled my panties and licked me. She worked my body like it’s hers. She found my clit without me showing her and then she fingered me, it was awesome. The first time I would be fingered so good. All the men I’ve been with are always in a hurry while fingering and I sometimes have injuries. But she fingered me with precision. I came from her penetrating me, It had never happened before. I have never orgasmed from penetration before.

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I had four orgasms with her. I also came from nipple play, my nipples were so tingly after we were through. I was spent and I didn’t even go through stress. I screamed when she licked and sucked my clit. She looked me in the eye and smiled at me when I came down. She asked if I was good and I couldn’t even talk. She smiled and told me to sit in front of her, she whispered in my ear dirty talk and started touching my pussy,  I orgasmed again. I couldn’t understand how she knew my body so much. Gosh! lesbian sex is so sweet.

Busty black lesbians having sex

HE FOUND OUT

I couldn’t keep what happened to myself, I told my boyfriend and to my surprise, he wasn’t that shaken. I think he didn’t feel threatened because she is a girl. He asked me who was better and I lied saying he was but I knew the truth, I didn’t want him to feel insecure. Whenever we have sex he tries too hard and sometimes I just go through the motions, he leaves me so sore it hurts to even urinate. He complains about my lack of spontaneity but doesn’t know I only manage to have sex with him when I’m high. But when I am normal I find it hard cause I might not be invested and it’s painful for me when he penetrates. He gives me head but ends up using teeth sometimes. It’s frustrating.

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I can’t stop thinking of her, I wish I could have lesbian sex with her again and please her also as she did with me. Whenever she comes around and we get high together, she might play with my nipples or my ass when my boyfriend is not there. She would smell my panties and tell me I smell so good. But when he is there I try to act normal because he started to warn me about it. I sometimes hint at a threesome but he doesn’t want it. She once said she wants to watch us have sex and she would be in the background. I wanted it so bad but he refused. I wanted her to see me aroused. Maybe I would orgasm from her watching. I don’t want to have sex again with her behind his back but I feel like it’s inevitable.

lesbian sex threesome
Source- Cosmopolitan

 

SHE DOESN’T WANT ME

She has refused to date me, she’s not into dating and even when I offered to be in a polyamorous affair with her, she refused.  She prefers no string sex and she is also unpredictable. There are days she doesn’t want me but some days she wants me. Sometimes she tells my boyfriend to hold me tight otherwise she will snatch me, other times she wouldn’t even talk to me at all. Her unstable emotions gets me confused and sad.  I don’t know why I find myself so attached to her, could it be because she broke my lesbian virginity?

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Since our encounter, my sexual attraction for ladies is now so high, I see girls, and all I want to do is fuck them and please them so bad, If she is pretty and intelligent, major turn on. I love ass, I am an ass girl, when I see a girl with fine ass, it’s hard to take my eyes off her. My sexual attraction for women has gotten so bad that my other female friend has noticed that I look at her differently, I had to open up to her. I made moves on her, she is tall, curvy, has a big ass with creamy and spotless skin. One time playfully, she asked me to come and suck her breast and I surprised her by saying I would if she let me. She was shocked and stopped talking. I know she knows I am not straight.

lesbian sex

 

MY SEXUALITY DILEMMA

I think I would date a girl if I had a chance as I have found myself liking more girls now. I still like men though especially tall dark and handsome, if he has a beard then turn on. But more strongly, I would like to learn how to please a girl the same way my boyfriend’s friend pleased me with sweet lesbian sex. I always imagine how it is to taste pussy. I wish I could please someone and let them feel the same way I felt with her.

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What can I do? I love men and women but my lesbian side is more. Just the thought of women makes me very horny but I feel trapped as a Christian and worst of a Nigerian where homosexuality is condemned. Sometimes I think to myself, maybe I am actually a lesbian but compensate with boys because of the society I’ve found myself in. Please, Mutterers, I need your candid advice, leave me a comment 😥👇.

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8 min read

What makes good sex? One party on the receiving end or both parties riding each other dirty like it’s the last sex of their lifetime? For me, it’s the latter, I enjoy reciprocity when I’m having sex with a woman. Teach me how to touch you to orgasm while I teach you the trick to make me cum. This way, we’re both happy huh? But not a lot of ladies know how to please a man in bed. All most ladies know how to do is stick to an irritating missionary like an ugly log of wood, sex game is whack! and they’re not willing to learn but expect that a man does all the work. Hell No! Madam landlady stand up and come and be going; sex wasn’t so great. You dey vex me!

For a while now I’ve been out of the game. Lol, yea! That game (sex).  I’ve got friends that can’t live without the chase; they never get tired but for me, chasing is mostly whenever I really want some different kind of sex or a new adventure, but mehn it’s never about relationship! 

sex game is whack

You see, part of what gets me tired about chasing new girls is that the sex is almost never great.  Yea, 8 out of 10.  What’s the point of going through all that stress if the sex is still going to be bad anyway? You see, whenever I’m lucky enough to meet a girl that’s good in bed, I don’t only stick around but it encourages me to flirt even more with different girls, hoping to get more & more sex because mehn! I’ll give anything for a good sex streak. 

 

WHY WON’T SHE KISS ME, FEEL ME, OR…

So I met this girl (let’s call her Zoe), we flirted for a bit, and we exchanged numbers & the next week we’re in bed. All things seem to fall into place as I’m able to finally slip my hands into her boobs.  I mean, Zoe gives the usual inviting ‘stop’… you know the girl’s thing but her words start to fade as I slowly bite her neck.  I love me a sensitive girl but Zoe’s sensitivity is on a different level. 

sex game is whack
Source- Health Magazine

My breath close to her ears gives her chills as I can see her feet vibrate as I suckle her ear lobs, my hand still on her boobs.  Neck kisses, boobs, ears & it goes on & on for about 1hr30mins.  I can tell she’s having the foreplay of her life. But something’s off! Why won’t she kiss me, feel me or try to please me too? I like nice things too you know…

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Well, I know she sure had fun but don’t know how to rate this day for myself; surely it was an inevitable test of patience . She was ON so we didn’t have sex. Man’s left with blue balls but thank god for my right hand, I must please myself if I must survive the night abi wetin man go do?

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I’m counting the calendar days & you can’t tell me 10days is not enough.   Of course, I’ve been caring all the days between – “How was work?” “Please take some rest”, “I can’t get you off my mind”. I mean, I hate texting but you really need to show that you care…

AND A HORRIBLE SEX FOLLOWED…

So it’s 10days after & we link up at my place.  You can tell we’ve both been waiting for the moment.  She hasn’t even stayed long & she wants to be going.  Go where? Or are you lost baby girl? I put the work on her neck – now I can see the hickey so I strip down! Are you shy? Okay, I’ll turn off the light.

sex game is whack
Source- Rolling Stone

I like to show off the big man (my dick), he’s 7.6 inches must be regarded as a separate entity.  I call him KING and expect he be treated as such.  Jokes apart every girl should know how to fondle a man’s dick. Forget foreplay, now we are having the sex of our lives or so I think; listening to how her breathe fade, I can barely see her eyes.  As it lasts longer she obviously enjoys it more & me less.  Wetin dey happen sef? Zoe still doesn’t agree to kiss me or remove her shirt or bra completely. She removes just her shorts & pants & deep down I’m really starting to vex. 

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Zoe is tall, clean, pretty & light-skinned.  A perfect spec but why’d she be trying to pretend like she’s not into the sex?  Now I’m certain it’s her ego.  In my mind, I’m like “lol, I wish I could record you just so you see how your facial expressions gave you away”.

sex game is whack

Sex’s still on! down to the second round & notice me doing all the work.  Zoe’s still laying flat on the bed, eyes shut, legs open, lips smirking – I whisper to her “can you ride my dick?” No response as we start to tip over the bed. “Zoe we falling… can you adjust a bit?” Now it’s clear Zoe can’t do a thing unaided.  I lift her back into the bed as we continue sex in the pretzel dip position.  

Binge Read!! My First Sex Experience Series

Let’s doggy & as usual, I literally have to turn her and set her hands myself. mehn! the girl is so lazy. Five seconds in & Zoe can no longer hold a doggy as she sinks back into the bed. We slowly transition into a flatiron position. You see if you want to maximize your thrust in this position simply slip a pillow between her belly and the bed; in my case, I slip two pillows and can hear her moan change. Zoe is now seeing stars. I give you all this and can’t imagine I’m still begging for a ride.  Baby come be my cowgirl. 

sex game is whack

MISSING TEMI

For a second I shut my eyes & all I see is Temi.  11 months down the line & I swear I still see her in my dreams.  Damn, I’ve never had sex that great!   Temi gave me the ride of my life.  I could imagine the best moment of our sex.  You see the best moment of cowgirl is when she slightly tilts backward as your dick bends slightly and the uppermost part of her vagina concentrates on the cap region of your dick.  Mehn how do I describe the feeling? Feels as though something tight wraps on your dick & slowly pull out your semen.  Mehn this is how to treat a 7.6 inches KING.  You do this and you’ll hear any guy moan. This was the cloud 9 treat Temi gave me, I almost sold her my last name cause O boy!! It was that great. 

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As I open my eyes it’s a different reality, Zoe’s in the same position & now I feel like a robot.  At this moment I was utterly displeased with the sex, slowly my dick goes flaccid & I’m shooting pool with a rope. I give up! no ejaculation but who cares? The sex is no longer pleasing. 

sex game is whack

GIRLS STOP THIS!!

How can I be doing all the work? Sometimes I feel girls exaggerate how pleasing sex is.  It’s really not as pleasing to guys if girls don’t put in the work; in many cases, we just keep up to cum.  In my case, I completely lose it as I lay down on my side of the bed.

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Forget porn, sometimes I wonder if people learn from movies.  Do you see the expressions in the series ‘Dark Desire’? When Alma rides Dario or her husband Leonardo? Or would you rather talk about Laura & Massimo in 365 days? Yea I know these are just drama but drama depicts life.  Real-life sex should be as passionate & expressive but definitely not for Zoe.  She would rather lay in bed and contribute nothing to the sex. 

sex game is whack
Source- The Irish Times

It pains me so much that I couldn’t communicate her lack of sexual prowess to her. I imagine her reminiscing it as probably the best sex of her life when in actual sense, she’s a fraud. Gave nothing, to enjoy so much. 

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Guys!!! I think it’s high time we started voicing out to these ladies how wack they are in bed. Most ladies are quick to call out a man for lasting 4 minutes in bed or having a small dick but see nothing wrong in their deficiency in bed. It’s unfair. Why do ladies feel bringing their bodies is enough for sex? Common madam! Up your skill or come and be going! You suck in bed!

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Now to my question, firstly to the men, sincerely, how do you feel when a lady contributes nothing in scrubbing the carrot but lays like a log of wood? Do you tell her her sex game is whack or let it slide? If you’ve communicated an observed lack of skill to a lady before, I’ll like to know her reaction. To the ladies, why is it that most of you all hate to explore and be versatile in bed? Is it shyness or really lack of skill? You all be acting like “ehn after all he’s sucking boobs, he should be okay”... Well, he’s not!  I’ll appreciate your opinions in the comment section below 👇👇

 

 

 

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