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5 min read

” All characters and events depicted in this series are fictitious, any resemblance…” Movies which begin their race with a note of denegation are incisive (judgment based on the ones I’ve watched). ‘King of Boys: The Return of the King’, personifies this.

One moment I’m dancing to its rhythm as a face-valued entertaining film, but the next and even more recurrently, I wish I could fall hook, line, and sinker for the disclaimer but Nah. ‘King of Boys: The Return of the King’ is too accurate for mere fiction, especially in its vivid reflection of the political monkey business (Nigeria as a case study). However, like the amiable director, Kemi Adetiba, I’d like to plead the fifth on name callings but I’m certain you’ll get the gist as you read through my review of the film.

Kemi Adetiba on king of boys 2
The amiable director, Kemi Adetiba

Need I mention that King of Boys 1, released in 2018, left me too emotional but watching the season, I consider it wasted emotions because the season is the ideal crackerjack. I didn’t even expect it’ll be continued as a series, yeah… thumbs up to Kemi Adetiba! I don’t know how she did it but I was on my toes throughout watching.

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Before I delve into the eye-openers, let me appreciate the movie’s use of biblical allusions. The first and only appearance of Makanaki to Odoguwu Malay is a nostalgic reference for the resurrection of Jesus in his appearance to Thomas. I couldn’t help but think of the resurrection story as Makanaki refers to Odogwu as ‘doubting Thomas’ and shortly after, tells him to touch his scar.

King of boys

Another symbolic scene almost immediately somewhat in tandem with the bible is the presentation of Odogwu’s body guard’s head on a tray. For some reason, I found it a mimic of the death of John the Baptist only that in this context, the head was not a promise to anyone’s heir but a promise borne out of bitter revenge. 

 

 

Now The Eye-openers…

There’s much to see and feel while watching ‘King of Boys: The Return of the King’.  From dirty politics to the complexity of the human mind, and even love being thematically represented…the movie is a carrier of diversified and discerning warmth. 

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Power is A Combination: The role of the main character Eniola Salami, made me understand that power is not a stand-alone possession but a combination of being intelligent, smart, and a mystical aura obtained from a myriad of experiences. The yardstick to qualify a person as ‘Powerful’, should not be based on the fact that they occupy a position of power. Eniola Salami has it all. An omini knowest go-getter lol, one moment you think that she’s being played, the next moment, she switches up and we see a different king of boys in action.

Eniola Salami's role in King of Boys 2

Materialism Is Not the Only Answer to Gaining Loyalty: Although rare, but loyalty is not dead! If loyalty was a person, then it would be Ade Tiger. Not until the big twist, I thought he would betray the oba (Eniola). His role in the movie makes me believe in loyalty, it makes me believe that there are actually people who can take a bullet for me literally but something gotta give and it’s not always materialistic. Eniola’s passion and promised assurance were all he needed to ride and die with her. To add, Ade Tiger is such a fineeee man and the whole thug life suits his persona perfectly.

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Permanent Enemies or Friends Do Not Exist: Like every man has a price, reconciliation is inevitable. Who would have thought of that twist? Ehn? Makanaki and the oba (Eniola), burying the hatchet? Whew! well, when it involves politics, there are no permanent allies and no permanent foes, everyone is led on by a mutual interest, which is power. 

the review of king of boys 2

Church and Politics: Yeah, I agree that every unit in the society harbors a stench of politics but you see, the church is the main culprit. The character,  Reverend Ifeanyi, is symbolic of the whispered church sins we see in society. From meddling with politicians for money to stylishly endorsing them to their congregation to secure votes and even down to church leaders owning a dirty closet that’s a far cry away from church doctrines. The holier than thou Reverend Ifeanyi’s character exposes it all.

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A Thin Line Between Passion and Foolhardy: Passion for one’s job is good. Hard work is great. But do not lose yourself, your family, and everything you love while pursuing your career.  Dapo learns this the hard way. He loses his family, career and worse still, he had a dent in his name and image. Not agreeing that what his boss did was right, but not knowing when to stop is foolish. Dapo in my opinion, should have not dug further into the story, accepting defeat does not mean a lack of courage, after all, it’s said that he who runs away lives to fight another day.

king of boys 2

Strength Can be a Facade: The First Lady, Jumoke Randle is intriguing. Her poise and confidence are felt throughout the film but we later see that it weakens at the sight of greater power, her mother-in-law. As much as I could perceive her strong will to do anything for her husband and family’s interest, her character succeeds in passing a message of how someone can appear so confident yet still seeks validation.

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Kemi Adetiba and the entire cast and crew, made me fall swiftly for ‘King of Boys: The Return of the King’. I totally enjoyed every bit of the film both in an entertaining sense and on a deeper level. What do you think of the movie, especially the lessons you learned from watching it? Do you want a continuation? In my opinion, this is as good as a closed chapter, subsequent seasons might jinx it lol, not doubting Kemi’s talent to do a good job the umpteenth time though. A friend of mine holds the opinion that Boxer’s case was a setup and if there would be a continuation, Ade Tiger might betray Eniola Salami. What are your thoughts on this? And yeah other reservations you have about the film. Kindly leave your comments 😁👇

 

3 min read

I have noticed people open up more about certain experiences when someone talks about theirs first… so I am going to recall an experience that got me stopped dead in tracks; so shocked and mum! You probably might have gone through something similar or have felt how I felt in an entirely different scenario.

It is a very short story. I have only told one person about it and maybe telling more people could be a good thing.  It was during my first year in school, I was staying with my elder brother in the same house at Mushin, Lagos Nigeria. One particular night about some minutes past eight, I went out to get bread for dinner. I stepped out of the gate and was about to cross to the other side of the street but a bike was approaching in my direction so I decided to wait until it passed.

Read Dead Gaze! “Stop Staring At My Boobs”

experience

The bike man approached with so much speed where I stood, reached out with one hand and gave my boobs a tough squeeze, and then continued speeding. I was shocked. He turned back and stared at me with a grin stoked up with mischief. ”You are mad!”… this was the best thing my weak voice could say.

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I was really affected, I bought bread, and went home but I couldn’t eat because my appetite was long gone. I felt dirty and angry. I had already showered before I left home but I went back to the bathroom and spent close to ten minutes washing and scrubbing my body. The scene would not leave my head, it kept replaying over and over. I felt stupid for how I handled it. I should have pulled him off the bike. I should have thrown more insults at him. I should have picked up a stone or something… so many instances of what I could have done but what a shame, I did none of it.

Experience
I went back to the bathroom and spent close to 10 minutes washing and scrubbing my body.

My brother came back from work and noticed I was dull but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I just felt dirty, like his hand made an imprint on my boobs that could never fade. It was a shitty night for me. I made a decision of giving myself a 6 pm curfew for the rest of my stay with my brother to avoid madmen roaming the street.

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It happened a long time ago and I have gotten over it.  After that another happened, I was on a bike and one other idiot on a different bike reached out to slap my butt. These two incidents made me realize some people are just plain mad and I cannot be held responsible for how stupid they are.

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experience
Some people are just plain mad and I cannot be held responsible for how stupid they are.

The funny thing is until writing this, I didn’t tell my close friends except one because of the fear of getting flogged with words. I wasn’t in the mood for the ‘If it were me’ talks and blah blah bullshit. Frankly, if I were in their shoes, I would scold whoever the same way and probably ask why the two madmen went scot-free without an injury in their left eye at least. But here we are, I did nothing. Knowing you did nothing hurts and sitting all by yourself with so many scenarios of what you could have done becomes a pang of regret that lives with you long enough.

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Like I said earlier, You probably might have gone through something similar or have felt how I felt in an entirely different scenario, how did you handle it? Are you okay now?

 

 

3 min read

I like to go to a new environment with a clean slate. I am not a fan of having friends go to some particular environments with me or me having to familiarize myself with an old acquaintance in a new environment. I love it all brand new.

So I thought I got it all covered when I enrolled in a gym quite a distance from my house. It’s always been a good ride though, knowing you get to flow with people who don’t even know jack about you and you too knowing zilch about them.

Read: About Muttering Minds

I have been enjoying the flow at the gym until recently when I found out a guy there happens to know one of my dad’s old workers (sacked). Being in tune with the character of the ex-worker, I tried not to familiarize myself with the guy in that area especially because I was trying to avoid gossip.

But can you imagine what happened today *hard face*… I was enjoying the moment digging deep on some heavy squats only for the guy to look me in the eye and say… “You! I heard that you are a silent killer.” Excuse you!!  Did you just say that to me? I queried in my mind.

To salvage the almost tensed up mood, I responded with a fake smile and asked: “From who?” He said I shouldn’t worry that he’s doing some investigations about me. Wow! I have never received such a stupid response from anyone in a long time. I leave the gym daily without thinking of you, but your case is different, you leave and investigate me on a daily right?

Read: Stupid Things Just To Get ‘Her’ Attention

I ignored him completely… O not completely per se,  all the while I kept on with the squats, all I could think of was that his source was none other than the recalcitrant ex-worker. It has to be him, such a loose who talks like he’s about to win a trophy for it.

Who knows what other information he must have fed the guy with. Imagine someone I haven’t had a well-rounded one-minute conversation with having the impression that I am a silent killer. So ridiculous.

Image result for mutual friends
Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Hey Mutual! Take A Chill Pill

Mutual connections/friends freak me out. Do you know me from high school or college? Privileged to work in the same office? Take a chill pill.

The girl you knew in high school who used to wet the bed no longer does. Why narrate the tale to co-workers on how she was disgraced?

Read: Wait! Have You Met Their Other Close Friends Yet?
Image result for girls gossiping
What happens in high school stays in high school

The boy who was expelled in high school for having sex with a girl after night-prep is perhaps older and wiser now. Stop denting his name at work.

You will agree with me that our years in high school were the most adventurous formative stage of our childhood. We did much silly rubbish but thank God we are wiser now (I like to believe more than half of us are).

I get very unsteady anytime I bump into someone mutually connected in an unfamiliar environment especially the ones from high school. In split seconds my brain begins to joggle tons of questions. What is she doing here? Does she know anyone I know? I hope we don’t exchange numbers because I am not meeting up!

Dear Seekers, Know This!

You are very wrong if you entertain tales like this. Yes, I understand some individuals enjoy feeding people’s heads with ideas about other people or with excavated past results, but some of you push for it. 

The moment you hear“I know this chic, we attended the same high school”, your antennas grow wings. “Oh really, what about her? Gist me o”, you keep bugging until you get what you want. 

Like hellooooo…!! If you feel the need to know someone better,  why meet them from another person’s point of view? Some of you even after meeting a new friend, instead of being patient with the person and nurturing the friendship,  you assume the role of undercover agents. You go about asking people/close parties questions like…“how is she”“how does she behave”“Is she seeing anyone?” and so many other irrelevant questions. Stop It!

 

 

2 min read

Have you ever felt so detached from a very close friend immediately after meeting another close friend of theirs? seeing the level at which both of them rapport your thoughts be like ‘Damn! I thought I was the closest to you man

As read in George Orwell’s Animal farm that ‘All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others (A proclamation by the pigs who control the government in the novel)’ so is the case of friendship in real life. Many times because of the reception we are given by someone, we get entitled that we assume the role ofbest friend‘ or ‘Able Confidants’ in their lives. Funny enough, It’s not like they handed us that tag, we just automatically believe it has to be us, after all he/she tells you about every junk that comes out of their heart yeah.

And then boom! On a very good day you meet with a friend of theirs they have always told you about…

You begin to see such genuine gestures(Laughter, hugs, jokes) shared by both of them. They catch up on issues they shared over the phone, issues you thought you alone who had knowledge of.

friends
At this point you are very insignificant, floating in the conversation but…

READ: FRIENDSHIP IS A RUSE

Even the stories you know zilch about are being discussed… And then you are left with no choice but to follow throughout the conversation with very skeptical smiles and forceful awkward laughs while a thousand and one thoughts are dancing in your head. At this point you are very insignificant, floating in the conversation but your pretense power got to be strong Yeah!😊

‘Wow! when did they discuss all these… even the ones I don’t know, how come?…I actually thought I was the closest one’. In the midst of all these thoughts you can’t do nothing but die in silence and get pampered by high class Jealousy 😂 lol.

READ: NOT ACTUALLY FRIENDS! AT LEAST NOT NOW

I know majority of us have had this experience, some might be going through it right now. So here’s the thing, never assume you are the only ear a person talks to. You might just be the ear for channeling shafts while some other ear gets the real deal. Before you assume the role of bestie/confidants, have you met their other close friends?

READ: THE FRIENDS CHART: WHEN THEY DON’T TELL YOU

One key thing I have noticed about friendship is that the closest friends to us are most times not the ones we can easily reach proximity wise, they are always far apart from us. We might not talk daily with them but when we do, we replay events to them exactly as they happened. This we don’t really do with the people we claim are close to us even physically and sincerely I actually don’t know why relationships are fashioned this way but it is what it is yeah😳.

2 min read

When you have a fall out with someone do you always wish them the worst?

Well, Yes, I do! Or rather, more than half the time. It’s satisfying to wish them evil after all they annoyed me so why not! I’m sure you do the same too even if sometimes.

So yesterday I reconciled with a friend after prolonged malice, we reflected on everything that happened, what led to what and the side effects. It’s so funny that he even confessed to unfollowing me on Instagram. He said he’s been meaning to follow back but he’s not sure how I will feel.

Read: Why Do You Want Them To Change

He just didn’t want to see any ‘Junk’ that reminded him of me. So he erected so many barricades, especially on social media.

Wondering why the heck they are posting so much on the gram

Well, guess what! I wasn’t angry, I understood him not just because I am capable of doing the same but because I know how prickly a reminder of someone who did you dirty can be… its always as ‘Prickly as Hell’

The feeling is hell! Especially on social media, one glance at their picture and you wonder why the heck they are smiling. And then it begins to feel like their adrenaline grew to post so much of junks … well, I don’t even hesitate to utilize my mute button on Whatsapp. I just wouldn’t be seeing your face at such times.

It’s ridiculous because it subliminally metamorphoses to a thing of ‘who’s living their best life’. Flaunting pictures, posting unnecessary quotes and so many more the other part wouldn’t love to deal with.

My pissed look staring at their pictures before I click ‘Mute’

It’s funny how we do the most when someone gets in our bad book especially the ones we care(d) about. How we begin to perceive them and how they suddenly look mundane in our eyes. Times like this, their flaws become very visible and we wish the worst happens to them so that they come running back to us.

Read: Have You Met Their Other Friends Yet?

It’s feeling is funny and absurd. Moments like this we crave reconciliation on a platter yet we are very reluctant to move the motion?

But here’s the deal, if someone got me angry and I don’t feel in any of these ways I have written or even more, then they never meant a thing to me or I got over them real fast.

Fact is, our love gets wicked when the ones we care about presses hard on our toes. Every reminder of them is as prickly as hell. 

9 min read

Shit!! I hate to admit it but my ex is the most interesting person I talk to. Well, what’s there to hate?? He was first my friend before we dated…then we metamorphosed to exes. And now we’re back as friends 🤗. 

With us, it’s usually a ‘call this person at your own risk’… Calling Obie means all other activities on hold because it’s always a long-ride conversation.  Nah, not some love talks about trying to rekindle a fire that’s lost. I like to believe we’ve found our true fire, a fire that’s forged from a telepathic adventure of knowing so well about each other and knowing what’s uniquely best for each other. Obie is an ingenious young man, talking is really not cheap with him.

I once suggested we turned our conversations to a podcast as they’re very enlightening (folks on Naked Minds can relate) but then there’s every chance it’ll get diluted per the camera effect.

humbling experience

But I’ll be sharing one with you today. Obie sent me a voice note, detailing his most humbling experiences in life. A humbling experience in my opinion is one that makes you realize that the other side of the coin you less cherish can knock you off in split seconds and there’s really nothing you can do. It’s one that opens your eyes to actual realities about yourself and others. It makes you understand that it’s okay to not be seen as important as you think you are. Things will not always go your way no matter how in charge you perceive yourself.  Sometimes, a humbling experience can involve a life on the line.

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When push comes to shove, there are lessons to learn. Following is a transcribed VN of Obie’s humbling experiences. I’m sharing this with hopes that it triggers your memory to recall yours and importantly the lessons.

humbling experience

The Squid Game Evoked Weed Nightmare 

So Uju yeah,  I was relaxing and watching Squid Game and there’s this episode I just saw which was like a win-or-die game and people had to choose partners. Some died, some made sacrifices and you could see people with good intentions trying to trick their teammates just to survive. It was crazy because I could imagine their fears which kind of made me think like “What was one of the scariest moments of my life?” I think maybe it’s something else, I don’t know… but the surface level is when we were dating and we had that whole weed and I mixed all those drugs and we cooked it in the indomie and you were overreacting…Jesus Christ…*deep sigh*

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced something like that in my life, I don’t know whether it’s because for my own part, I was equally very high or I was scared as fuck mehn… Jesus Christ! I was scared, I was like “what’s up with this girl?!” You were in fact mad, you were speaking in tongues, you were doing all kinds of things, I was like “this is crazy!”. I remember how I had to call my secondary school biology teacher, who was like my best friend, to tell him what I had done and ask what I could do… phew!! 😓

humbling experience

You were running around knocking on people’s gates, I was like “God what have I done!?”  And then I was so high and what was coming to my mind were these Nollywood movies where people do shit and the next thing their girlfriend ends up dying. Omoo I was scared😭. 

Also, that was the most jealous moment in our relationship because you then called this Uche guy and were resting your head on his legs and to think that I’ve always looked at that guy with suspicion all the times you both flunted the whole ‘bestie bestie’ tag. And then in your scariest and most vulnerable moment you run to him, placed your head on his legs and you didn’t even allow me to come close and I was so fucking jealous.

Read: Weed killed me on our First Date… An Unforgettable Experience

Maybe because I was high too, but then I don’t trust guys so when I start seeing guys flocking, I’m like “who the fuck is this guy!?” But I used to hide that part from you. Mehn that night was crazy, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that kind of thing in my life.humbling experience

Obie’s Response to the chat:

You saying you wish we handled it better, mehn… that’s not how I see it. The way I actually see it is so far no life was lost and no serious damage was done, it’s okay for me.

It’s not like I want to relive the experience but I just cherish it so much because it’s something I look back on and smile about. I don’t hate the experience because it has happened. I can’t hate what I can’t change so I just have to value it.  I value humbling experiences. This one reminds me that in this life ehn omoo, anything can happen. It also reminds me of the time in my life when something was happening and I can’t believe I was that scared and that someone was probably going to die, and I was so confused and extremely high. 

Read: A Tormenting Ride You Wish You Could Quit

The whole process of trying to find a solution in the middle of the night, trying to call my biology teacher friend, and all of that doesn’t make me sad. I mean, it humbles me. Like it’s just the kind of thing I’ll want to think of when I am acting out or I’m being crazy. It just helps me hold on to the fact that anyone can lose control at any time including myself. The lesson actually helps me act more responsibly. It’s not something to feel bad about. I don’t feel bad about it at all. It’s just different. 

worrisome humbling experience

No One Is Super Human

So another humbling experience is something I always reflect on. I don’t know if I’ve told you before, one time I was coming back from work and it was crazy because I was supposed to go back home with my colleague. Usually, we go home together, it was either he drove or I did. So this time around I had lost my patience, he’s our head accountant and that day he was busy balancing the figures late so I just left him and proceeded to Lekki to just go home on my own. 

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You know how you can be in Lekki and flag down private cars going your way, so I stood waiting. I had waited for almost an hour, no vehicle came. So it was just a second option to go back to the office, but you know how you feel reluctant when you’re going back to where you just came back from, so I kind of just moved out of the road to another spot. I still felt reluctant but gradually walking back and looking at the road slightly. 

worrisome humbling experience

It was barely two minutes, and before I could say jack, a bus had run across and cleared the two people that stood by my side initially. Jeez! I was at that spot before, God! I was in shock. One of the victims, the guy still had the tyre compressing his chest and the victim girl was under the vehicle. Immediately people gathered, screaming “Hey hey hey… see the driver o”, alerting those close by to catch the driver. Everyone was concentrating on the driver and from where I stood I saw that there were people that were going to die. And I’m thinking “Why’s everyone going after the driver!? Is that what’s important? Can’t they see the people that are almost dying?” 

A few weeks before, I had just lost a phone, so I was also being conscious of my properties but immediately my instincts started to work. I put my phone in my bag and placed it in a location where my left eye can always find it. 

rescuing accident victim humbling experience

There’s this brewing hysteria, people just trying to save and not save, people trying to be busy, busy doing nothing, and most of them going after the driver as that’s the easy target because nobody really knows how to handle an emergency. I and a group of men try to lift the vehicle up to rescue the guy who had the tyre pressing on him. We succeeded but I could see the guy was dying. About two people tried to resuscitate him with CPR, I stood watching, believing they knew what they were doing but shortly, I could see that the guy was not coming alive and then it dawned on me the CPR had gone on for too long. 

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A lot of people don’t know what to do next after CPR so immediately my instincts said “look, step in!” More people had started to gather, the LCC and the police too. When you don’t witness an accident, it’s easier to safeguard, even if you go close, you really would not want to help most times because you don’t know how it started. Also that feeling that the people already there are in control comes to play. I felt a lot of people who came felt this way, it yielded an unhelpful crowd, I got pissed at the people bringing out their phones to video and then one woman who knelt down to pray. Like what the hell are you praying for?? I reached out to one of the LCC representatives about their protocol and asked if they could call their medical unit and tell you what, he was totally clueless, but not as clueless as the policeman I asked same. 

CPR Guide-- Humbling experience

Omoo it dawned on me that I needed to act “look we can’t continue to do this, let’s take this guy to the hospital!” I said to the group beside me and of all suggestions to give, one of them said “call 911”. WTF are you calling 911 for? This is Lekki for God’s sake!! Lekki has tons of hospitals, why don’t we just go into any of them?

Shortly after, I observed people checking out of the area stylishly. It’s understandable, no one wants to get involved in anything that looks technical. So I start to carry the victim alongside one other guy who held him from the leg and we started to move towards the gate. I got perplexed the moment I realized I had no car, “What am I doing? What’s my next move?” I get lost in my thoughts for like five seconds and the guy carrying the victim with me looks at me, it was a look of confidence drifting. One of those moments when you know that someone is sure of what they’re doing and you bank on their confidence but the moment they lose that confidence you’re like what’s up? Immediately he sensed my confusion, he left me with the victim and walked away. 

humbling experience

I was left with a dying man, I looked at his legs, blood all over with no one to carry the other part of him. I was going to leave but then I looked at how helpless he laid. You know when you see someone alive and can tell they want to say something but they can’t  talk. For some reason I stared at his eyes, and the only thing his eyes could say was “HELP”...numb eyes yet they screamed at me. I felt a deeper connection at that point. I looked away and saw about three guys passing by, they looked interested in helping but then needed a push. So immediately I beckoned on them for help, two of them carried the victim, and then I instructed the third to stop a van. Long story short, we were able to rush the victim to the hospital. The next day I went to check up on him and the nurse informed me that he’s been transferred to Igbogbi hospital. She also thanked me for saving his life.

humbling experience

What’s humbling whenever I reflect on this experience is that we are all humans. All these people working in offices, carrying their chest up and acting like they have a solution equally have moments they don’t know what they are doing. Imagine that whole crowd, nobody knew what they were doing. Had it been I didn’t take charge, it’s very likely that the victim would have died. It’s crazy. Sometimes we just have to cut people some slack because omooo it’s not every time we can have things completely figured out. The way I’m human is the same way the other person is. Nobody is superhuman.

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Like I wrote earlier, I’m sharing Obie’s experience with the hope that it triggers your memory to recall your own humbling experience and importantly, the lessons. I really appreciate it if you shared yours in the comment section and perhaps any reservations you have about Obie’s. And tell you what, I’ll be sharing mine too. So leggo 🤗👇

 

7 min read

“Oooh ahhhh…mmmmm..ahhhh” my quiet moans litters the whole room. “Awww baby could you stroke your dick for me?” He gets at it softly, up and down he strokes with special care for his pinkish reddish cap. “Sheeeshhh… mmmm…ooohhh, dammit baby! I want it all in my mouth baby”. It’s become a slippery slope, all thanks to the divine mixture of precum and lotion. I wish to put it all in my mouth, his dick! But I can only watch and moan and multitask soft-handling my boobs with my left hand. It’s easy-peasy as they’re perky and almost smallish, all my left fingers could pleasure them at once. He delights at my boobs by giving a moan quieter than mine. There was a time I usually blamed his shallow moans on masculine ego, but I grew to see it as an indefatigable men trait. So I enjoy the moment.” Baby imagine me sucking them with soft spanks on your giggly ass, you’ll love it right?”… These words send me into a higher gear of sensual urges, a kind that makes my iris seem like it’s escaping the sclera, like one in a trance. 

Whew!! This is all we can do, sometimes blessed with precums, sometimes a molehill of cums and orgasms, other times, rude interruptions with my mum screaming my name two rooms away. I better dash out of the toilet and pretend to be fast asleep on my bed. Arrrhhh!! To think that I was almost hitting climax, dammit mum!

dripping cum
Image source- Sex Comics

The Juice Of Video Chat Sex

Ever tried video chat sex with your partner? Or maybe someone else? Woah, I actually enjoy it especially on some special occasions like when the weather is cozy and bae is far away in Queensland. I’m sure to orgasm in a way that sends me into some sweet sleep… oops! You really think ladies cannot have an orgasm this way?  Try me then lmao. Quit the jokes, only 25% of ladies orgasm through intercourse, the other percentage is seen in spontaneous activities, video chat sex inclusive. I rate it a great way to spice up a relationship, it shouldn’t be reserved for only long-distance couples.

best angles for nudes
Source- Metro

Before I ever tried video chat sex, I had experienced erotic phone calls (phone sex) with this dude when I was 19 I think, those free midnight calls thanks to MTN live rent-free in my head. I was just bursting into the outer world when I met this dude on one ‘very weird’ site as I love to describe it. We exchanged numbers and most nights after that held me captive in sexual secrecy. We never met, so it was easy to run wild. He taught me much naughty stuff that backfired as I saw the guy I later started dating as boring. Like how does he not know these stuff!! My little brain was so slow to process that he was only an innocent boy who still hid in school toilets to steal kisses and barely understood the right gears for masturbation. Anyway, I activated my girl power to get him to try, and knowing his ego was at stake, he obliged.  But it wasn’t it, his voice was more clownish and not one bit sensual, I knew it was a lost cause at this point! 

words to say during phone sex
Image Source- Greatist

The Deadliest Sin Of A Sex TAPE

I don’t expect you to agree you’ve ever made a sex tape, but if you do, bold strokes! This was supposed to be a stand-alone piece with my friend Romeo holding the pen and unraveling his delight for making sex tapes. Unfortunately, dude got so little yet in-depth take to share. 

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“Well making sex tape actually is fun and adventurous. However, it must be consensual. For someone with my kind of personality who loves to explore and loves adventure.  It is awesome for me when a lady accepts that we do a sex tape. Getting to watch it after we are done is a tremendous turn-on. There is a weird psychology behind that which a vanilla will never relate to. I’ll propose it for someone who is sexually dynamic in exploration and just love crazy stuff and want to use different ingredients to achieve that crazy feeling. Sex tape is the deal. You get to see how everything went, how you both reacted, the sounds uhm. I mean that’s A for me .”- Romeo

I totally agree with Romeo. Although I’ve never made a sex tape before, I’ve had the privilege of a series of ‘makeout’ tapes which seems so much like the real deal. I find it beautiful watching them over and over again, especially on some lonely nights when I want to flick the bean. It gives me a kind of sensation porn doesn’t dare come close to, it’s a natural especially if you cherish the person with you in it. The funniest thing about it is you get to see how ugly you are in bed, like fucking ugly! I be thinking to myself the whole time watching “how is this man attracted to this thing”“For christ’s sake!! Is this how I kiss?? It’s so yuck!” I’m a tad embarrassed but it still gives me an orgasm watching.

easiest way to make a sex tape with your man
Image Source- Pornhub

Trade By Barter Nudes

I hate seeing pictures of any man’s dick, be it my man’s. Dicks, I prefer to see physically or in motion on video chat sex, don’t you dare spam me with your dick photos! I tolerate my man’s but frankly, I’m less than 1% aroused the whole time, but shall I pretend? Absolutely! However, sending my nudes appears to be the sexiest thing ever, especially my boobies. Randomly I enjoy taking snapshots of my boobs, in different angles while I adore them in all their full glory. And then this one-shot hits, and it makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth before Emilia Clarke. Woe betides me if I decide to keep this beauty to myself. Ping! Ping! In split seconds, bae receives the memo, he can wank on it as he pleases.

Ever been in this situation where you meet someone new and they start asking for nudes? Such clowns! Well, let me not lie, if I’m feeling the nigga, I opt for trade by barter nudes. Duurrrhh! Even though I hate dick pictures, he has to commit by sending me first, it makes me feel safe to send mine but not with my face in it. I remember making this particular dude go through seven hells by asking him to send different shots of his penis only for me to abscond without returning the favor. He still hates me, but I care less.

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The Golden Rule is “Do not share nudes with your face in it”... hmmm this doesn’t apply to me if he’s my man though. There’s something about the face that makes the image more boner triggering, especially if you know how to wear that resting bitch seductive face on. Oops! Do not run with my advice!!

making sex tape
Image Source- Metro

Bursted!!

One time I played a prank on my friends that my ex was threatening to make viral my nudes, they were so furious and told me to call his bluff. For a moment, about three of them were shocked to find out that I normally send nudes. “For real Uju, you send nudes!?” one of them accosted me, she wouldn’t believe it. The problem is my friends rate me too serious for certain sexual ish. More like a nerdy kinda person. Does it mean they haven’t watched any porn with a nerd in it? I actually enjoy those categories. 

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What happens when you fall out with someone who has an archive of your nudes though😂😂? Because I trusted them in the first place, I’m usually not scared. Something very hilarious happened recently, my friend called me and asked me a quite unrelated question. “Uju how far, how can I delete a message I sent to someone on Instagram?” I had no right answers because I hadn’t done it before, most likely because I have no personal IG. But I got on with whining her on the reason she needed to delete something only for her to open up that her ex contacted her to do some digital marketing work and thankfully he gave her his password. My girl said she wants to delete her nudes o😂😂, before she gets bursted. I laughed ehn… thankfully we found a way. But wait a minute! You all send nudes on IG?? 😂😂😂 I don’t trust that platform, its WhatsApp or nothing for me because what if my IG gets hacked 😱. Even with WhatsApp, I carry out the act with my heart in my mouth, I switch off my data on most cases to be sure I’m sending directly to the dude and not my status. I’ve made countless mistakes of uploading things on status, instead of sending as a DM. Thankfully, nudes ain’t one.

what to do when your nude leaks
Image Source- Wall Street Journal

Sometimes I have this weird case scenario running in my mind though, what if one of these dudes decides to leak my nudes, what can I possibly do? Find the goat and insert a nuclear weapon in his asshole? Delete every trace of myself existence from social media? For sure I’ll be too embarrassed and maybe a bit of crying, but I’m sure to find solace in the comments that’ll speak on how sexy my body is though 😂😂😂. 

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So do you send nudes? Make video chat sex or sex tapes? Ever been close to being bursted? Or bursted?! Let’s gist in the comment section 😂😂. If you’ve never done any of these, I’m curious to know why too. Remember all liars shall perish 🤭👇 .

 

7 min read

I am your precious secret place, you dwell, you enjoy me selfishly, but never ever will you abide under the shadow of sharing me with another.  Is this what Muttering Minds is to you?

You’d rather be here, breaking bread and drinking wine with this family of ‘societal misfits’ who are unafraid to show unfiltered sadness in a world where even fake laughter is considered medicine. A family not connected by blood but imperfection. Is this what Muttering Minds is to you?

Cruise! Cruise! “What do these weird ones have under their sleeves this Friday? My mind is hungry for novel eye-openers, and of course, clownery”. Is this what brings you here often?

Can being weird be a good thing? - Vox
Image Source- Vox

Among the few reasons people tell me whenever I ask them why they fuck with Muttering Minds, the above-mentioned are prominent. Oops! Not leaving out their love for the mystery of not knowing the face behind this gang of weirdos. No, wait! Some actually hate it, they’d pour hot oil on their genitals just to see my face. But is my face some form of currency? Tell me please, I hope it’s an all-time high though, I might as well sell it off and makeup all the money I should have charged for my blemished therapy sessions here. And ooo not forgetting my mail, that’s even more amateuristic. Hey dear, I sincerely do not care how you look, quit sending me trade-by-barter images of yourself via email, hoping that I return the favor. Can we just enjoy our conversations and leave our faces out of them?😌

I’m not hiding, never hidden, but don’t try to look for me. 

Nahhhh… I’m not angry joor😁, Muttering Minds is Plus 2 today!!! Whew!!🥳🥳 I just thought that rather than cutting cakes, I should wear the armor of mischief and assertion while I cut words here🤺. 

Awkward Black Girl GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

The Ugliest Thing About 2

It’s suddenly graduated to a race my mind keeps reminding me that I’ve come too far to quit. See guy, I really don’t know why I’m still holding on to this shit, It’s the ugliest relationship I’ve ever stomached. Spamming from coast to coast to recruit more demons, then finding out a demon is greater than all my demons put together. I often ask myself ‘how is it you still want so much more?’ You see, I love to win big, hardly a night goes by without me asking my creator to bless me with more Mutterers. But for every time it becomes overwhelming (seeing the numbers adding up but the intentions are zero😒), I try to retrace my prayer request. Small is often considered a bad result, but with intentionality comes greatness. This here is one ugly truth I’ve learned owning this shit. As much as I crave an uncountable flock of sheep, growth is much appreciated when it’s earned painstakingly. It’s not like age that moves up regardless of the brain being half-witted. I’m in love with how intentional 20% of the Mutterers are, it plays a huge cover for the onlookers. Mind you, I still look forward to a time where I’ll post a story and not have to spam or say a word about it. All that does the talking would be the post notification. Let’s toast to that for it will happen. 

Leonardo Di Caprio Cheers Gif - IceGif

The Beauties of 2

I’m happy (I think). Unlike the first-anniversary note where I mentioned that I literally would go from chat to chat, to plead a comment here. Now I’m proud to call myself an earner of at all at all sha, three comments not produced out of persuasion will drop😄. Another beautiful thing is that I can decide to have a week or two weeks off, still, my ride or rides will still ride for me when I show up🥺. Nah, I am not one to take advantage of loyalty by serving inconsistency. My health has been hell-bent on imposing a toxic relationship with me since this year. But this is a tale for another publication, I should have shared since, but I want to make sure it accompanies a testimony.

Loyalty Is Everything Tupac GIF - Loyalty Is Everything Tupac Demetrius Shipp Jr - Discover & Share GIFs

I’ve Always Been a Coward, Nothing’s Changed

Long before now, about 8 months ago, I had started making plans on how I would celebrate today. I thought of launching my desired eLibrary that will harbor a merch collection and sweet e-books, all for your pleasure. But I caught a frozen foot after doing a mini-survey on Naked Minds and one person amongst the one percent I thought shared in my passion for this community said without a care for my fragile emotions that he won’t be purchasing any of it🥺. Tell you what, the other comments were so positive, but my mind automatically translated them into white lies after seeing the bad apple. I regret scrapping the plans though, but it wasn’t after I reconnected with an old friend who strangely didn’t take much time with me before he said “You’re still scared of failure Doris, common, you need to be confident o” and he diluted it with laughter that wore a tone of mockery. Yeah I know, he did mock me. 

Vote Of Confidence GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

But I think I’m doing better now, turning a blind eye to flops, riding for me despite being car sick, and being able to take a second look at my writing. I used to cringe reading all over any story I post here despite the accolades. I used to cry myself into frustration when I post a story and the comment section takes a snail speed or none at all. “Most of them are probably not having a good day or have absolutely nothing to say”, once my mind reminds me of this, I send my frustration into exile.

I used to burn down hellfire whenever a glitch affected the website, but now, more than worrying, I seize the opportunity to take a break. 

The only thing I’ve not learned is confidence in trying new things especially when it revolves around money. Pleading to buy, donate, all whatnot. I’d rather chew jeans🥴. I lack confidence in my people bank, that’s the truth. But I should switch things up in the new year though, if you see me running mad, don’t throw stones, instead join in the madness😁.

switch up gif

Impression

I am not a therapist, especially not a sex therapist. I do not have all the answers, what I got is a platform with the best minds who provide several answers, all seeming right in their own eyes. If you notice, I’m mostly neutral to all the comments here, because like you, I’m grateful that this platform is a learning curve. I’m human like you too, like you have the right to not answer a DM, I reserve the right to not answer your mail. Not because I want to, but sometimes I’m numb and sincerely have nothing to say. And I would rather not mislead you by trying to inscribe my name in the book of ‘wokeness’ by force. 

therspist gif

Appreciation

If anything the comment section! O boy!! I’m yet to find any platform that harbors ‘so long a letter’ comments like Muttering Minds😭. Gosh! You all pour it out, if ever I doubt the support I feel on this earth, your dedication to penning your comments debunks it. Writing is not easy one bit, yet you give it all. This is not only raw support but raw trust. Thank you! Tell you what, some of my close friends tell me (maybe out of good envy😄) that they are usually too intimidated to comment here. Apart from the length, too many senseis, English opoor o…🙌

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Many who rode with me during the first year, no longer hold the wheel, I don’t expect that you’ll continue to and that’s okay. Like people can love forever, they can also outgrow love too. Just ensure you’re not a bad ex 😉. 

thankful Gif about 2

Thank you for sharing my work too and being proudly associated, sadly, only a few fall in this category though. The rest are often too embarrassed to associate themselves openly with Muttering Minds. Let’s not even talk about the nasty remarks… more than any of you, I understand the moral stigma, so keep riding private if it pleases your soul😪.

Donations

Never has buying me a bottle of malt been a bad decision😌. In my recent newsletter, I promised I was going to be aggressive in seeking monetary donations today because I deserve it (my entitled self believes so🤣). No long talk jare, send me money *blows powder*. This donation page has been more of a filler page than coins yielding. Break the jinx, please🤧. Forget the long talks on here, just go straight to the DONATE segment❤. 

Donate to SMC this Giving Tuesday season! - Somerville Media Center

An Experiment

Regardless of my paranoia for the people bank here, there’s no harm in experimenting with this. Asides from congratulating me on 2, and leaving your reservations of Muttering Minds in the comment section, feel free to market your business, skills, and what have you in the comment section💃🕺🏿. I invited a Jeff for this anniversary, I forgot to revise the last name so I don’t know if the one who would show up is a Bezos’ or Thomson. The latter is the dude who tried to throw pepper inside my eyes, but mercy said noooo😂😂. Regardless market yourself. Bring the comments on darling 😄👇👇

 

9 min read

It’s weird to say this but it gets easier growing up as a Nigerian Queer. It was quite terrible when I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It was a lot. We all have our unique stories as gay men growing up in Nigeria but what is cut across the board is alienation from everyone else. You feel different and if you are an effeminate man, you’d be constantly reminded that you are actually different.

My name is Nonso and I grew up in Lagos, with a family of two sisters and a really terrible brother. Terrible because home would have at least felt like home if he didn’t live in it. I think it has more to do with men and their perception of you and how you should think and behave like them cause my dad was also almost like him. When I was six years old or so, I used to play dress-up with my little sister and we would put on a show for dad and mum, the whole family enjoyed watching except for my elder brother. As I grew older, I could see that it also started to disgust my father too. He probably thought I’d grow out of it but I didn’t. He wasn’t violent though, he never was, that was my brother’s job.

siblings rivalry
Source- Deviant Art

I really don’t blame my brother for being violent,  maybe he always wanted a brother and when I was born he was so excited to watch me grow and do ‘manly’ things with him. Well, I tried to like those things but it just wasn’t for me. One time I went to watch football with him and not once did I notice the ball but instead was blown away by the 22 gorgeous men on the field. 

SURVIVING THE OUTER WORLD

The bullying I faced as a child was more psychological than physical. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t exposed to society a lot. I never went out, I went to school and stayed quiet and apologized when I was noticed. The only physical abuse I remember was from my brother. 

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It was easier to survive in the outside world when I learned to be invincible. Talk less so nobody laughs at my voice. Fold my arms so I am not caught gesticulating. Walk around less so nobody laughs at my ass and how I walk like a turkey. With time I was invincible and yeah…it got easier. Didn’t have any friend but I was fine with that.

teenage gay stories in Nigeria
Source- Vadodaran

 

I knew something was wrong with me when I didn’t fancy girls the way my peers did. I remember the first day I got a hard-on when a boy touched me. I belonged to the choir department in the church and this new boy joined us. He sat beside me and started asking loads of questions and every time our eyes met or he touched me, I’d get hard. I moved away and went to sit somewhere else. I was only 14 and my prayer that day was that God amputates my dick or it stops functioning because most times I’d get hard and it won’t go flaccid for a very long time.

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Now school time…I couldn’t bathe in the public bathroom when I stayed in the hostel in university. It was always mad, embarrassing, and uncomfortable. My roommates made fun of me for hiding because they thought I didn’t like people seeing me naked.

What about the time I tried dating a girl? Total disaster!! I resolved to watch heterosexual porn cause I wondered why the boys really liked it. I thought that was why they liked girls or what made their relationship with them smooth. It never worked for me.

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To be honest this phase of my life was the loneliest. The fact that I didn’t know what I was or why I felt how I felt. I also couldn’t talk to my parents about it because I knew I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. 

discovering your sexuality in Africa

WEARING MY TOUGH SKIN

As I grew older, the jokes became stale because it was the same old boring jokes I kept hearing. I tried to fix myself and it didn’t work, so I started to accept myself. Meeting more queer people made me bolder and more vocal about my sexuality.

Read: “I’m a 25-Years-Old Guy, and I Love Boys But…”

The first openly Nigerian queer I met was a breath of new air, finding out I wasn’t alone was the most exhilarating moment of my life. He was an older man, I was underage, naive but very inquisitive. I was in 200level in the university and he sort of took advantage of me by sweet-talking me on how much he liked me and proposing a relationship, just to get my guard down. We started having sex, the first time, I felt very guilty, dirty, and in pain but I wanted more. My body finally got what it wanted but it wasn’t enough. Even though I met the wrong person, I met someone who made my feelings make sense. With time I met more people and found dating sites, I started to learn what exactly I liked and what I didn’t.

coming out as gay in Nigeria

I learned more from people than from any books. I learned about hate from homophobes. I learned about religion. I saw the perspective of religion from religious people. I learned that parents love their children unconditionally: except when they are queer. I learned history and found people that were erased from it. Experience built me.

Read: My Crooked Smile Experience as a Lesbian in Nigeria

I wouldn’t say I’m out yet. I don’t know what exactly to call mine but I never deny it when the conversation around my sexuality comes up. If I’m not comfortable telling you about my sexuality, I don’t speak about it. For instance, I don’t see myself ever coming out to my parents, until the day they have the courage to have the conversation with me. They make side-talks and remarks about why I do certain things, behave a certain way or have certain kinds of friends but I don’t think these are comfortable grounds to start a conversation about my sexuality. 

cisgender Identity nigerian queer

For my friends, let’s just say I make conscious efforts to keep only non-heterosexual people as friends. The likelihood of me remaining friends with you if you don’t know my sexuality and you are a cisgender (man especially) is very slim. I’m not saying queer people are the best friends to have, I’m saying they are the safer and more rational friends to have. It’s easier to relate when I speak about myself and we learn from each other. Per marriage, I really do not have marriage plans. I don’t think it’s for me. Co- habilitation, definitely. I would want to spend my life staying with the people I love.

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Nobody has an opinion about my sexuality. If I accept you into my space, it’s left for you to come to terms with my sexuality or leave. This is why I have never really been close to my parents because I feel they don’t know enough about me (as parents). I can’t live in the same space with them and still have to hide, especially at the level of growth I am now at. Till they are ready, things will remain this way.

queer parenting in africa
Source- Best Life

THE CRIPPLING SAME-SEX MARRIAGE PROHIBITION ACT (SSMPA)

On a surface level, you may never be able to phantom the cruelty of the SSMPA, especially when you are a non-queer person. But when you consider minorities that are queer, you can at least imagine a fraction of how inhumane life feels like for them (except you own no soul). For instance, a poor fat disabled Muslim queer woman, struggling to survive already as a minority, and the death of all, having a law criminalizing you.

For the average queer person, if your social status protects you from the government, its citizens will use the law as an opportunity to harm you. A part of you is constantly being erased because “the law says…”. Constantly living in fear every day, at every gathering or meeting you are with queer people because you can be arrested, harassed, tortured, or killed with the backing of the law. And then the general overview; the law criminalizes queer marriage and anyone associated with them. Under Islamic or sharia law, it holds a death sentence.

LGBTQ Nigerian queer
Source- NBC news

How cruel…in Bauchi State, a law enforcer pretended to be a gay man to gain access into a meeting held for gay men on HIV/AIDS and its risks and how to have safe sex. He got the names of the people at the event, then arrested one person, used the person to arrest someone else and another and this went on. He would call them for a meeting, arrest them, take them to the police station, beat them up repeatedly and brutally until they finally got 168 names of supposedly gay people. The fact that they could use the phones of someone to contact others; an act that is illegal just shows how much that law validates the brutalization and harassment of queer people. It also shows how it shields younger queer people from learning more about their sexuality and navigating sex and other hurdles in relationships or life in general.

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Do you know what is worrying? The fact that before the law was passed, nobody was coming out proudly to say they are gay and getting accolades. No queer person ever protested marriage. Gay people were already getting beaten, disowned, and killed, so what exactly was the use of the law? It’s sad when you realize it was for political reasons. People’s lives were further endangered for political reasons.

SSMPA Nigerian queer
Source- Huff Post

It’s a wonder that queer people are still fighting and being vocal about being treated like animals with all these really scary circumstances. How bad can it get? As a Nigerian, you cannot exhibit any human right and as a Nigerian queer, you aren’t even recognized enough as human to start with. Nigerian queers are like catmint flowers, so beautiful with enough resistance to survive amongst weed and other harsh conditions. The growth is amazing. I feel so proud to be born in this generation and envy the coming generation. Vocal, and persistent. These are the features you start to grow after overcoming fear. I love it!

 

 YOU’RE ENOUGH!

I would love to round this up by telling young queer people that they are doing enough. Just existing is enough. Accepting yourself is enough. Resisting online with an anonymous account is enough. Navigate your sexuality however you like and with any kind of safety, you can think of, as long as it doesn’t ruin someone else’s life. Make mistakes and get up with your shoulder up because society has not given you enough room to get it right. Remember, the only people that can understand how you feel, are people like you. Queer people. LGBTQI+ people.

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Nigerian queer
Source- Futurelearn

Now I’ll love to ask some questions; to the queers who’ve come out, what other advice would you give to a young Nigerian queer trying to find his/her path in a country whose laws are structured against the LGBTQ community? To the straight folks, in all sincerity, the majority of you make it difficult for us to breathe, what are you willing to do differently as regards the LGBTQ laws in Nigeria? Do you think its fair and should be upheld? I’ll like to know your stand. Lastly, If you’re a queer, or unsure about your sexuality, identify in the comment section, share a bit about you. I’d love to read all of it. It’s pride month! a time of self-affirmation, dignity, equality, and increased visibility. Stab the shame and embrace the glory in your sexuality. Leave me your comments below, this should be an enlightening conversation. 😄👇👇

 

 

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8 min read

This might be the most selfish story you’ve ever read, but my heart wants what it wants. Hear me out and put yourself in my shoes, after all, we live in a dog-eat-dog world, right?

About two months ago at my workplace as a content creator, I  met this awesome lady, Kemi. She is a young Nigerian lawyer who serves as our legal consultant and content vetter. Although we were both employed on the same day, I had resumed work immediately at our Ibadan office while she was freelancing from Lagos, not until 3 weeks later, she relocated to Ibadan to join us.  To be honest, despite my being somewhat reserved around girls, I didn’t really like Kemi’s looks at first sight: she’s considerably shorter than me (I prefer taller girls), she’s black in complexion (I prefer lighter-skinned girls), she’s slim (oh, I love ‘em curvy and hippy and booby), and she isn’t that pretty without makeup (I have got a soft spot for natural beauty). 

Read: Finding Your Spec and Its Flip Sides

types of butt shapes her man

The first day was just a bland chitchat cum introduction. We talked about our origins and where we live in  Ibadan. I told her how I got to live in Oyo State (through NYSC) and we shared our undergrad experiences and life after finishing school. We didn’t really talk that much that day because my attention was focused on the job on my table, which took me the whole day. Yelps, creative thinking, and writing can be so draining and time-consuming! 

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Surprisingly, despite her not meeting my “visual spec”, I found a pal and chatmate in Kemi. My talks with the guys revolved more around work, cause they’re my seniors, married, and were training me for the new job I had just started with the firm. So, Kemi brought in some spice to my boring work life. Her table used to be next to mine until she was moved to a separate office. We gossiped about stuff like law and politics, our colleagues and boss, life in Ibadan,  and one or two other personal stuff. Gradually, I’ve become attracted to her intelligence (you can call me  ‘sapiosexual’, ikr), her sense of humor and sweet voice (my weakness, ugh! She has great command of the English language too), and her somewhat large dull eyes (I somehow love girls with big eyes lol,  don’t  know why). She has a nice personality and is resourceful in providing info on some of the things I ask (on legal matters and other stuff).  

coworkers romance her man

When she was moved to a new office, I was happy she’d gotten her own space, but was sad she was leaving my side. Absence they say makes the heart grow fonder, and this became my portion. Seeing her means I have to go over to her new office. This comes with the perks of being able to flirt and joke in her new space freely without the other colleagues connecting any obvious dots even though they can smell the fish as I more often spend many minutes inside her office before returning to my table (she vets most of my writings and I spoil her with fruit salads and movies which I download using our limited office Wi-Fi. Lol, crook like me!). 

TO MAKE A MOVE OR MOVE ON?

The obvious truth is that feelings are beginning to creep in from my side (don’t know about her). I am not sure if I should make a move for her. I like to take things slow and steady, especially matters of the heart. Even though I’m more logical than emotional, I still catch feelings, dammit! Jokingly we address each other as “my office boyfriend” and “my office girlfriend” because the friendship bond between us is growing stronger. When I enquired about her relationship life, she told me she was no longer in the dating market (whatever that means), that she has a guy she’s serious with, and that she cannot even consider marrying an Igbo man (I’m Igbo) because of potential troubles from her Yoruba family. And that was the only straw that broke the camel’s back lol. I hadn’t even started to make my move and I had already got the inkling that it wasn’t gonna work. I was emotionally paralyzed. I wanted more than just office companionship from Kemi. 

last straw quote her man

MY INTENTIONS

Actually, personally, I don’t think I’m yet ready for a committed relationship. I know I’m a proudly independent and a commitment-phobe (I’m kinda haunted by my parents’ dry and once turbulent marriage that I feel I’ll be a relationship tyrant like my dad.) which is probably why I’m still single  at 27 with no committed relationship with a girl. It’s kinda frustrating, coupled with my stutter-induced introversion and brokeness lol (relationship and love for Naija na money o. No girl wants to date you if you’re not reasonably comfortable in life and if you ain’t gonna spend reasonably on her). 

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Also, It’s difficult to find an irreligious Nigerian girl for a serious relationship, though. Aaargh!!! This is the pain that we Nigerian atheists and agnostics experience when you don’t wanna have to compromise your convictions by dating religious women. 

black romantic couple her man

All I want from Kemi Is just an emotional closeness outside work (movie dates, walks in the park,  restaurant outings, house visits, etc.) which of course will lead to a kiss and possibly I get to see her underpants and have her screaming my name when I smash her red potty with our bodies slick with sweat and desire. Hey, don’t judge me, please! In essence,  friends with benefits is all I want from her, without commitment. While I have been thinking of how my friendship with Kemi would advance her to my bed, my nemesis caught up with me:  emotional attachment. I’m starting to get possessive and jealous about her relationship with her boyfriend. 

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She always does video chats every blessed day with him in her office, and she seems to be happy with him. He earns more than I do in his working place, has a car he can borrow at will (I know a  little about him because one of my ‘village people’ is his colleague). He’s also religious like Kemi while I’m an agnostic former church boy. Kemi once told me her boyfriend is often boring and I guess she enjoys my company as much as I do hers. But she finds it appalling that a young Nigerian man like me doesn’t give much thought to African spirituality and organized religion as a whole. Kemi seems turned off by my irreligion and has asked me out to church for company. I’m hesitant about accompanying a girl to church. It doesn’t end well for me cause I don’t get to date or bang her afterward. I’m not a fuckboy per se, but I don’t wanna be a religious woman’s wrapper or head tie either. 

theist vs atheist her man

I WANT TO BE HER FIRST CHOICE!

I don’t like to be the second choice,  just like everyone else. Thing is, as it stands now, I don’t even know what I want to do. I like Kemi and I keep fantasizing about her perky boobs and how they’ll feel on my tongue. No relationship strings! The emotions I feel for her can be enough, for now, maybe it will metamorphose into something beautiful but until then, I want sex and play buddy in Kemi. I’ve hinted to her about something more between us but she doesn’t seem interested or is waiting for me to shoot my shot, or just playing me?  

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There was a day she wiggled her bum for me in her office while dancing to some music, and I got confused if she was sending any signal or just messing with my head (Lol, that day I was so tempted to go over and grind her ass but I restrained myself). I’m so hooked on her friendship and nice persona. I mean, you’d say I’m trapped in the fucking dreary friendzone! Aaargh!!! Not again! Dunno how to explain how I got here with Kemi! 

friendship zone her man
Source- Chicago Tribune

I’m aware she has a man but I want her so badly, not as a second choice. Common, I know I should be faithful to the bro code but mehn! It’s a dog-eat-dog world, right? Nigga’s are not smiling and I can bet that if the script was flipped and Kemi happens to be my woman, there’ll be some other guy who wouldn’t consider how I feel when he starts to chase her. Damn her man! I want her! Right now, it’s a ‘let the best man win’ situation for me.  Yes her man has more money than I do, what if he doesn’t know how to fuck her right or give her the tender love and care like I can? If she truly loves him, why will she wiggle her butt in front of me? That’s so calling and I figure there’s more she’s not saying. Also, why does it seem like she enjoys my company too much as she’s always giggling at my jokes lol? Who knows she might like me back yeah? 

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Do you think I have a chance of getting any ‘benefits’ from our friendship if I continue to be in her face? Will it be too direct or creepy to request for such a benefit or does it happen naturally? Even though she’s not my spec, I cannot stop drooling over how it feels to have her in my bed. Niggas please help me!! when a lady has a man, should it be an automatic backoff or should I still shoot my shot? How do I get Kemi to be mine forever (maybe). Ladies! I know how funny your gender is, but from your knowledge, do you think Kemi wants me badly too but is only pretending? Please advise a brother, Leave your comments below 😪👇👇.

 

 

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