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what about me

9 min read

If you asked 10 men if they’re open to date a virgin lady, 7 of them are sure to slap you back with a resounding ‘NO’. Or maybe it’s all bants when social media is involved huh? Well, I decided to arrive at a bit more practical statistics via our Instagram handle, where I created a poll that read “Guys!! Have you ever disvirgined a lady before?” and tell you what, the result left my jaw ajar. I expected that the number of NO’s would be a far mile away from the “YESES” but could you believe that out of 49 votes, 22 men voted YES?! At this finding, I felt a better justification was to press further, seeking information bearing more depth that either verifies or nullifies certain popular opinions about female virginity.  

Contrary to how the internet is flooded with ladies telling stories about their first sex experience, and men doing same also, I decided to flip the script– telling the stories from the other parties POV. What goes down when a man decides to have sex with a virgin lady ? I sought to explore majorly the emotional/psychological state of the man during the phase (before & after). How long was the wait? How long did it take to attain full penetration? Were they at any point scared? What were the emotions felt during and after? Did the relationship get better or awkward? Would they do it all over again?

benefits of being a virgin couple

Hey Mutterer, below, 3 men share their experience with me. While the emotions portrayed in all three is not a guaranteed mutual feeling for every man, I hope that you find something to hold on to. 

Peer Pressure

I was 22 and she was 18, we were both virgins. One time she came home from school and suggested we tried, I told her I couldn’t because I hadn’t done a thing like that before but she insisted, adding that she has heard lots of stories from her friends in school about how they enjoy sex with their men and was eager to know what it feels like. I remember telling her she was too young and I couldn’t do it because I was a novice. After much pressure I gave in. 

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The first day we tried, it was backbreaking. She kept crying due to pains and my big dick wasn’t helping, it made it worse. I couldn’t bear seeing her in pain so I insisted we stopped, but she wasn’t having it. Very determined. She cried even harder and asked that we continued. However, the long try still wasn’t successful so we fixed another date. First time sex: 5 things that you should know about it -

Before our next meeting, I avoided her, to be sincere, I was hell scared. I didn’t want another round of seeing a woman in pain. Also the thought of blood made me even more scared. However, we fixed a date when no one was home. Before this, I used my phone to research some helpful tips on google, and tell you what, I got a whole lot of tips.

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From my research, I deduced there was no need to rush to penetrate, but it had to be gentle. Start from kissing and caressing and then thorough romance so that she can be wet enough and yearn for the penis. So I followed the script judiciously. I started kissing her from her neck, down other parts of her body. I touched her intensely and intermittently used my hands to caress her clits. I would have tried cunnilingus cause it was among the tips but I had no idea how to at the time. As stated, she started to yearn for the dick so I proceeded.  Although very wet, she still retreated when I sought entry and when I tried using my fingers with hopes that it was a better option she appeared even more scared. I was only able to get as far as her clitoris and revolver. It was like a tug of war. 

The Hymen: Breaking the Myths - Our Bodies Ourselves

Now this time she’s even more wet…I tried with my dick and boom! I was in, I penetrated the hymen. The whole process took close to 2 hours, there was a little blood and she started crying. I got confused and reached to clean her up and console her. She pushed me away and asked me to leave her alone. I didn’t know what to do, but she kept on crying and crying.  I was confused but left. The following day and after, she was avoiding me and wouldn’t speak to me. I was so confused, I mean, she wanted it and now this??

Read: A Long Haul Down My Vagina

After about three days,  she called me and apologized. She said she was happy she felt like a lady and at the same time sad. Sad because her friends in school also told her that when a man has sex with a lady for her first time he would leave her. I assured her that I liked her and she was also my first. I promised her that our love would wax stronger, and really it did, we grew so in love. Going forward we tried severally and for some reason, it was like she got addicted. She’ll ring my phone virtually everyday for us to have sex, we had sex like five times in a week. She also became clingy, called me at all times and said she just wants to hear from me. I could see she was in love or maybe more in love with the sex. I loved her quite all right but hers was more. It was like I used jazz on her.  I wont lie, the sex made our relationship awkward. However, I left for university and lack of communication created a huge gap. She found someone else and reduced the attention towards me. The rest is history.

dating a virgin

She Didn’t Tell Me She Was A Virgin

She was a friend to my cousin. We always met at the village at the end of the year, she comes in on the 31st to leave on the 3rd of January, while I normally stayed for a week or more sometimes. We had been dating for like three years, and the sexual aspect was just kisses and smooching. 

Read: And What If He’s A Virgin at 30?

On the d-day, we left for the village school outside the village, which was our normal spot for making out. She was in jeans with an iron belt and white top. We started making out and it was intense and we decided to take it further. Prior to this, we had never discussed the issue of virginity, I didn’t even think she was a virgin because she stays in Bariga. First, It was very difficult to get rid of the belt, it took like 45mins to do that and pull off the jeans, after which I reached for the condoms in my wallet while we both laid on the floor. I tried to penetrate and noticed that she was in pain and was crying all through. When I was done, I noticed blood stains which were visible on the white pant she wore. I asked her and she confirmed she was a virgin. She kept crying, so I had to pet her for up to an hour. I was begging the whole time because she said I was too rough on her. 

what to know during first sex with a lady

However, she stopped crying and told me to tell her I love her, which I did. She then insisted for one more round, although I was tired and just wanted to sleep but I had to do it for her. We went to the back of the church which was not far from the school to have a quick doggy, it was lovely and she enjoyed it. She kissed me deeply immediately we were done and we both went to our various hut. She left before I woke up. We saw a year later and we continued but lost touch after then.

“I Think I’m Ready”

We were both in love, and had been dating for like a year. She’d talk about some pretty racy shit cause she was into a lot of erotic fiction. We’d mess around, kiss and engage in a lot of oral sex and I’d play with her pussy, but that was about it. I did my best to not pressure her though but still body no be firewood…and she was sexy AF(still is).

Catch Up On: My First Sex Experience Series

One time we were bathing together, I got carried away and tried going pass our normal routine…mehn! it wasn’t funny, I spent the night apologizing because she was in pain. Times where we had normal couple issues she’d always attribute my “behavior” to the fact that we hadn’t had sex bla bla…but I was faithful. I actually loved her and really enjoyed her company so it was only natural for me to perish ideas that involved being with someone else.  

does disvirgining a lady make you clingy?

The D-day was pretty weird lol…I had just resumed for the semester and didn’t tell her cause I wanted to surprise her (I know…romantic b.s) I went to the house of a mutual friend of ours and as expected I met her there, so yeah the surprise went well. We went back to my place that evening and started our usual make out, then oral sex which I was pretty okay with and then the shocker…she said, “I think I’m ready”. I recall asking her like five times  to be sure to avoid messy stories later on. 

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The first few seconds-minutes were a bit of a struggle but with the help of trusty ol’ baby oil we conquered, lol. I did my best to help her through it all by asking her when to stop or if I should pull out. Eventually after a couple thrusts we got the hang of it. I could tell it was still a bit painful for her but I kept on reassuring her and It felt really great for me. We both didn’t cum though but it lasted about 15-20 mins and there was just a little patch of blood on me afterwards. We bathed and slept in each other’s arms.

Guys, Have You Ever Disvirgined A Lady? (How Was The Experience Like?)

The next day we did it again and this time it was better. The only issue was she was getting sore which was majorly my fault cause I hadn’t gotten used to her tempo. Like we got mad closer after it, and she became a freak. We got to experience all the sex styles she’d been reading and also more open to my ideas.  One time she rode me on the decking of an uncompleted apartment close to my place in the view of the full moon and shit. It was wild because that was the spot guys usually smoked. We almost got spotted then we went downstairs into one of the uncompleted rooms and finished there. 

We had great sexual chemistry and moving on from her was really hard cause I was totally invested in her emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually. But I guess we just had to let go at one point. Met up again late last year (we were both single) and the sex was still top notch. If presented with the chance to do it again, I’ll change the settings and make it a bit more romantic, other than that I’ll gladly do it again.disvirgining a lady

My One Cent

Like I stated at the opening, my reason for doing this was to actually see through at least a fraction of what goes on in the minds of men when it comes to disvirgining a lady. Frankly, I feel that looking back, the men reckon it was a beautiful moment shared, especially the third story, who also according to his embellished description was a player but found something to live for. This equally proves that the ‘hard guy’ syndrome can become a melted mountain with the right one. 

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Also importantly, another popular opinion I wanted to verify with this is the statement “Do not have sex with a virgin lady, cause they become clingy”, story one gives me my answer. Then there is the statement “Avoid virgin ladies because they’ll suck in bed”… the three stories especially the last all debunk this. 

Guess what, I also ran a poll for the ladies, I asked “Ladies!! Do you sometimes regret the circumstances surrounding losing your virginity?” 48 voted YES and 39 voted NO.

Hmmmm… on this note, I’ll conclude by asking the following questions; To the men, having read these stories, would you be willing to date a virgin lady? What are your reservations about virginity? And if you have dated one before, what was the outcome? To the ladies, prior to losing your virginity, were you ever shy to say you’re one or proud of it?  Mind sharing your experience too, be it regret or joy? Also if you haven’t scratched this surface, why so? This should be interesting but mostly enlightening for all of us. Kindly leave your comments below 🤗👇👇.

8 min read

What makes good sex? One party on the receiving end or both parties riding each other dirty like it’s the last sex of their lifetime? For me, it’s the latter, I enjoy reciprocity when I’m having sex with a woman. Teach me how to touch you to orgasm while I teach you the trick to make me cum. This way, we’re both happy huh? But not a lot of ladies know how to please a man in bed. All most ladies know how to do is stick to an irritating missionary like an ugly log of wood, sex game is whack! and they’re not willing to learn but expect that a man does all the work. Hell No! Madam landlady stand up and come and be going; sex wasn’t so great. You dey vex me!

For a while now I’ve been out of the game. Lol, yea! That game (sex).  I’ve got friends that can’t live without the chase; they never get tired but for me, chasing is mostly whenever I really want some different kind of sex or a new adventure, but mehn it’s never about relationship! 

sex game is whack

You see, part of what gets me tired about chasing new girls is that the sex is almost never great.  Yea, 8 out of 10.  What’s the point of going through all that stress if the sex is still going to be bad anyway? You see, whenever I’m lucky enough to meet a girl that’s good in bed, I don’t only stick around but it encourages me to flirt even more with different girls, hoping to get more & more sex because mehn! I’ll give anything for a good sex streak. 



So I met this girl (let’s call her Zoe), we flirted for a bit, and we exchanged numbers & the next week we’re in bed. All things seem to fall into place as I’m able to finally slip my hands into her boobs.  I mean, Zoe gives the usual inviting ‘stop’… you know the girl’s thing but her words start to fade as I slowly bite her neck.  I love me a sensitive girl but Zoe’s sensitivity is on a different level. 

sex game is whack
Source- Health Magazine

My breath close to her ears gives her chills as I can see her feet vibrate as I suckle her ear lobs, my hand still on her boobs.  Neck kisses, boobs, ears & it goes on & on for about 1hr30mins.  I can tell she’s having the foreplay of her life. But something’s off! Why won’t she kiss me, feel me or try to please me too? I like nice things too you know…

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Well, I know she sure had fun but don’t know how to rate this day for myself; surely it was an inevitable test of patience . She was ON so we didn’t have sex. Man’s left with blue balls but thank god for my right hand, I must please myself if I must survive the night abi wetin man go do?

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I’m counting the calendar days & you can’t tell me 10days is not enough.   Of course, I’ve been caring all the days between – “How was work?” “Please take some rest”, “I can’t get you off my mind”. I mean, I hate texting but you really need to show that you care…


So it’s 10days after & we link up at my place.  You can tell we’ve both been waiting for the moment.  She hasn’t even stayed long & she wants to be going.  Go where? Or are you lost baby girl? I put the work on her neck – now I can see the hickey so I strip down! Are you shy? Okay, I’ll turn off the light.

sex game is whack
Source- Rolling Stone

I like to show off the big man (my dick), he’s 7.6 inches must be regarded as a separate entity.  I call him KING and expect he be treated as such.  Jokes apart every girl should know how to fondle a man’s dick. Forget foreplay, now we are having the sex of our lives or so I think; listening to how her breathe fade, I can barely see her eyes.  As it lasts longer she obviously enjoys it more & me less.  Wetin dey happen sef? Zoe still doesn’t agree to kiss me or remove her shirt or bra completely. She removes just her shorts & pants & deep down I’m really starting to vex. 

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Zoe is tall, clean, pretty & light-skinned.  A perfect spec but why’d she be trying to pretend like she’s not into the sex?  Now I’m certain it’s her ego.  In my mind, I’m like “lol, I wish I could record you just so you see how your facial expressions gave you away”.

sex game is whack

Sex’s still on! down to the second round & notice me doing all the work.  Zoe’s still laying flat on the bed, eyes shut, legs open, lips smirking – I whisper to her “can you ride my dick?” No response as we start to tip over the bed. “Zoe we falling… can you adjust a bit?” Now it’s clear Zoe can’t do a thing unaided.  I lift her back into the bed as we continue sex in the pretzel dip position.  

Binge Read!! My First Sex Experience Series

Let’s doggy & as usual, I literally have to turn her and set her hands myself. mehn! the girl is so lazy. Five seconds in & Zoe can no longer hold a doggy as she sinks back into the bed. We slowly transition into a flatiron position. You see if you want to maximize your thrust in this position simply slip a pillow between her belly and the bed; in my case, I slip two pillows and can hear her moan change. Zoe is now seeing stars. I give you all this and can’t imagine I’m still begging for a ride.  Baby come be my cowgirl. 

sex game is whack


For a second I shut my eyes & all I see is Temi.  11 months down the line & I swear I still see her in my dreams.  Damn, I’ve never had sex that great!   Temi gave me the ride of my life.  I could imagine the best moment of our sex.  You see the best moment of cowgirl is when she slightly tilts backward as your dick bends slightly and the uppermost part of her vagina concentrates on the cap region of your dick.  Mehn how do I describe the feeling? Feels as though something tight wraps on your dick & slowly pull out your semen.  Mehn this is how to treat a 7.6 inches KING.  You do this and you’ll hear any guy moan. This was the cloud 9 treat Temi gave me, I almost sold her my last name cause O boy!! It was that great. 

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As I open my eyes it’s a different reality, Zoe’s in the same position & now I feel like a robot.  At this moment I was utterly displeased with the sex, slowly my dick goes flaccid & I’m shooting pool with a rope. I give up! no ejaculation but who cares? The sex is no longer pleasing. 

sex game is whack


How can I be doing all the work? Sometimes I feel girls exaggerate how pleasing sex is.  It’s really not as pleasing to guys if girls don’t put in the work; in many cases, we just keep up to cum.  In my case, I completely lose it as I lay down on my side of the bed.

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Forget porn, sometimes I wonder if people learn from movies.  Do you see the expressions in the series ‘Dark Desire’? When Alma rides Dario or her husband Leonardo? Or would you rather talk about Laura & Massimo in 365 days? Yea I know these are just drama but drama depicts life.  Real-life sex should be as passionate & expressive but definitely not for Zoe.  She would rather lay in bed and contribute nothing to the sex. 

sex game is whack
Source- The Irish Times

It pains me so much that I couldn’t communicate her lack of sexual prowess to her. I imagine her reminiscing it as probably the best sex of her life when in actual sense, she’s a fraud. Gave nothing, to enjoy so much. 

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Guys!!! I think it’s high time we started voicing out to these ladies how wack they are in bed. Most ladies are quick to call out a man for lasting 4 minutes in bed or having a small dick but see nothing wrong in their deficiency in bed. It’s unfair. Why do ladies feel bringing their bodies is enough for sex? Common madam! Up your skill or come and be going! You suck in bed!

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Now to my question, firstly to the men, sincerely, how do you feel when a lady contributes nothing in scrubbing the carrot but lays like a log of wood? Do you tell her her sex game is whack or let it slide? If you’ve communicated an observed lack of skill to a lady before, I’ll like to know her reaction. To the ladies, why is it that most of you all hate to explore and be versatile in bed? Is it shyness or really lack of skill? You all be acting like “ehn after all he’s sucking boobs, he should be okay”... Well, he’s not!  I’ll appreciate your opinions in the comment section below 👇👇




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7 min read

You see butterflies in my belly, I love them. I love the mystery of what beautiful surprises love brings and when the love turns sour, I find myself still holding on to ‘what’ should have become. I’m holding tight to a lump of hot coal, despite being presented with a choice of ice.  When is it too late to say I quit? 

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I am a hopeless romantic and also a strong believer in love’s power to conquer all, which is why I have been in “the longest unmarried relationship” known to man. I met B in high school, I was that brute of a prefect while she was the beauty and brains. I had never really taken notice of her in any way except as a classmate, not until the day she cried because of me. Her friends ganged up and made sure I went to the library where she cried and consoled her. At that moment, I did more than consoling, I made promises that no one would ever make her cry again as long as I was around.

rejected my proposal
Source- Unsplash

B and I became close and as time went by, our closeness blossomed to something of the nature of a boyfriend and a girlfriend. She was my first kiss, my first tight hug, and my first dry hump. She made me want to write poetry. She didn’t care for them, but I wrote anyway. As we graduated high school, she allowed me to call her “girlfriend” but only to her hearing. No one else must know and I didn’t care. I was elated I now had a girlfriend, my first ever.

When Life Takes the Childhood Innocence Away…

You know as we age, we start to see more challenging sides to life, and our childhood innocence gradually fades. We suddenly want to be more and the most unfair side in all is that what might be more to you, might be as insignificant as a grain of salt to another. I’ve been writing since childhood and the zeal accompanied me to adulthood, I wanted badly to now be a professional writer.

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rejected my proposal
Source- Medium

However, B saw this as unambitious whenever I let her in on my fantasy about a cottage on a hill where I’d live and write on paper, and only step out to civilization when I am out of ink or my belly aches for food. She told me if I cared for a future with her I would pursue a more professional course. She told me how she’d want to marry a doctor, but since I have flair for the arts, I should consider becoming a lawyer and without much thought but thinking on the leverage of how much I’ll give to be with her forever, I immediately fell in love with the idea. 

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I did my poetic writing on the low, while I wrote jamb for a law degree. But Jamb had a very funny way of giving me below 200 on my scores. B told me I lacked concentrations, and I agree. I didn’t want to be a lawyer but still told myself I could do it so that I could finally win her heart. So I quit writing, left my dream of writing for the screens, and tried Jamb for two years subsequently.

rejected my proposal
Source- ABA law student division

I would always imagine the titles “Barrister and Dr Mrs” and it made me smile deeply. Power couple. Though she didn’t get to be a doctor, she became the next best thing, a Pharmacist. As you might have guessed I didn’t become a lawyer, I did even better, I gave up one creative thing for another. I became a  Carpenter. 

The Longer You Date, The more Breakups In Between

Folks who have been in a very long relationship can relate to the fact that in between these long years, there are usually break-up and makeup phases. B and I for one silly reason or the other usually took a lengthy break from each other. 

Amid our breakups, I dated a few girls and she dated a few boys, even kissed some that I knew of. She stayed a virgin, a promise to herself. I lost mine over and over again. On one of such makeups she found that I wasn’t a writer no more but now a woodworker (carpenter). She was disappointed! She didn’t take it well, and when she is mad you’d know. It takes me weeks to heal from her spoken vexations. They are usually venomous but she often means well. However, she told me I could still make it as a lawyer, I was selfish enough to promise I’d become what she wanted. While waiting to become what she wanted, she’ll always get angry whenever I addressed myself as a carpenter and often told me to address myself as an “interior designer” for status sake. But I never listened so it made us drift often.

A Merry-Go-Round Proposal

After 7 years of on and offs, with her pushing me to “better” myself career-wise, I proposed the first time, she said I wasn’t ready. Of course, I wasn’t, I still lived at my mum’s. I proposed the second time, she said despite having an apartment and a few contracts now, that it wasn’t enough, adding that I needed serious job security. She offered to pay for my tuition to study a more serious course that could earn me more money. I declined because I am too proud to accept that in my financial state and then what if I don’t give her the life she wanted.

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So we broke up and made up, yet again. Finally, I agreed, I would quit this thing that I love (carpentry), and leave the country with her and be just what she wants. Half of me wanted this because most of me wanted her, she encouraged me and told me it was for the best.

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 Yet again I proposed this time with a bigger stone. I made sure my right knee did the needful, while I balanced myself on my left knee too. She cried, held my face as I looked at her smile washed down by her tears. And her words were filled with deep emotions as she spoke to me. “I have waited for so long for you to do this right, but I am sorry, others already did it right”.

rejected my proposal

I was so hurt, I got up not knowing how to feel, and as I was about leaving she held me and said “Please don’t go. I am not saying yes neither am I saying no. I am so confused right now, please give me time to pray. Please I beg you, I need just three months to pray”. My feelings defeated, I agreed and left her.

An Overdue Prayer Session and a Precious to Behold

Three months turned to four months, four months turned to lock down, everybody became busy trying to stay alive. A year and two months after my B began to pray, and one day off the blues she chatted me up and said “God said it’s you!”

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I was so excited that I forgot I was broke, how was I to even begin to cater for a wedding? Stupid right? I love B so much and even more despite the long cold wait. I told her I wasn’t financially ready for a wedding and she was angry but gave me time to put my shit in order. Finally, I gathered and ordered the marriage list, but before I could go pick it, came Precious.

Black couples look best together | Lipstick Alley

Precious is young, beautiful, intelligent, soft-spoken, and admires me. More importantly, she is so in love with my carpentry and asks me not to change for anyone. In a month of knowing her, she has looked up ways that I can become a better carpenter and it is paying off. She asked me herself if I would marry her, and in something that feels like double jeopardy, I said YES YES YES!

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She wakes me up with prayer messages to remind me that I am more than enough and what exactly she prayed for. I know it’s short timing, but within it, I have felt a kind of love I have never felt before. Love devoid of begging but cherishing. Someone who loves me for me and not the idea of what more I can become. It’s opened my eyes to how much pain I endured with B and I don’t think I want to go feel such pain again.

rejected my proposal

Bear in mind that B rejected my proposal three times, now she’s crying her heart out, saying I am ruining us, especially now that she has told folks that she is gonna be my wife. While Precious tells me that I am the best thing since jollof rice and treats me in ways I have always begged for but never received. I am torn between my promises of a happy ever after to B and a hunger for what Precious feeds me every day.

I finally opened up to B about Precious and she’s been pleading for another chance to make things right. Dear Mutterers, I am so confused. I need your candid advice on what to do. Please leave me your honest comments 👇👇


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8 min read

“All these feelings you’re feeling is a cry out from your inner self for its freedom and peace. You need what you need and it won’t stop until you give yourself what you need. But what happens when your only hope is your job? Well, you can switch to a workplace or job that’s less consuming of yourself and time while you wait for your own thing which may not be so easy. My advice is to cry out to your spirit asking for something to be done.”

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Lately, I feel I’ve been living on borrowed life, yesterday felt like I had one last straw from it. I was brain dead, a collision occurred in my brain that generated so much fog, I couldn’t process anything. I was in a training meeting with my boss via Whatsapp call and for a very long time in forever, I met that terrified child again. That terrified child who was scared to death of mathematics and several attempts of learning and scoldings from the teacher proved abortive. 

maths anxiety
Source- Medium

“Is this the life I want to live? Is this what I really want to spend my days doing? Talking to clients? I don’t even have my own time, now this?!” While I had zoned into oblivion from the step by step and back and forth training wherein I had made countless mistakes, these questions bugged my mind. My heart felt so sore and my eyes filled with tears, and to maintain relevance and communication throughout the meeting, all I could mumble were weak “yeahs and yeses”, for the times she either asked, “Doris are you following?” “You get this right?”.

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My body graduated to rioting, it could no longer take it. It felt like a moment with an oppressor, where they cross the thin line and you’re torn between blowing up or utilizing the respect reserved for them to save sanity. I was on the verge of screaming “You know what! FUCK IT! I QUIT!” because what are all these? However, despite the rage inside me, I still couldn’t morsel the courage. I decided to seek courage elsewhere by sending a message to two of my friends; “What if I quit my job today?” I texted.

Don't Rush To Quit Your tormenting Job

While one didn’t show up at my rage party, the other responded “Aww damn. Sorry honey, I hate to see you pissed. Can you wait small and not do it this minute? Please babe, I just wanna be sure the decision is not solely fuelled by your present frustration. Surely you will leave the job, I’m just trying to be wary of the timing for you. Sorry babe. I can tell you aren’t happy. Or is there anything about the job that I don’t know?”

At This Point

At this point, I knew courage would not be found, especially not in the way that I want it. That moment where you’re hoping someone could be your pillar in making a decision, so it feels a little better, but they don’t feel it like you do, hence courage is lost in space. There’s this thing I do when my circle of friends is not telling me what I want to hear, I seek the advice of a total stranger or someone at arm’s length from my circle. 

tormenting job

“Hey Sydney, at what point did you quit your job?” I sent him a mail. Sydney is one of my pals on Naked Minds, we got vibing when I wrote a story about how distressed I felt working. The quoted statement at the beginning of this post is a snippet from his response. I felt relieved, however, although coming face to face with the truth he said, I still couldn’t find the courage to quit. I managed to suppress the teardrops from my inner self, but for how long?


How I Got Here

I lost a very toxic job thanks to the pandemic, although I didn’t see the blessing until much later. Yeah, you’ll definitely go broke losing a job but surprisingly, it didn’t bother me as much cause all I was concerned with was making peace with my inner self, which I eventually found and cherished. I finally won the fight against imposter syndrome and not having to see my beastly boss project her insecurities. It was a good peace feeling, I had time for Muttering Minds and was able to nurture it to a large extent and I remember saying to myself  “Mehn! This is it! I don’t think I want a job again, I just want to grow it here till something financially positive begins to manifest.”

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tormenting job patience image

I vowed not to be bound by any organization again, I could take up freelancing but not as a full staff, that was how contented I felt. But you see, contentment also has a way of downplaying your comfort zone, at a point, it starts to look like ‘see finish’ and you begin to want more. I ran out of cash to sustain myself and my needs and rather than say a prayer for fuelled patience, I cried to my creator for a new job. 

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This new job involves writing too, not the type that I entirely love but for the sake of money, I accepted. Maybe you got a wrong impression about my boss due to my frustrated analysis but nah, she’s the best I’ve found so far, my inner self is only being itself by rebelling against the things that it hates.

tormenting job work from home

Although I work from home, it has gotten even worse than leaving my house. Working from home is a lowkey scam! It involves so much encroaching on personal time. One thing that upsets me so much about the workplace is that it is fast becoming like the school system. Bosses make everything mandatory and feel they can switch you from one role to another, bending you against your will to multitask. Why am I mandated to do a presentation at work? Why am I hired to write and then, later on, made to joggle that with marketing? I couldn’t wait to be out of school cause everything came from an angle of force, not passion, now the work system oozes just the same way and I hate it. 

It’s often classified as a part of learning new skills, well hello! I’m not interested, these things kill my brain especially when I’m not passionate about it. I am content with being a writer and excelling at it. I am not someone who plays the jack of all trade because I want to be woke in all ramifications. It’s okay for me not to know some things, I’m open to brief learning here and there whilst dedicating full time to perfect the things I’m really passionate about. Is anything wrong with this?

tormenting job passion

But unfortunately, my boss wouldn’t let me breathe. She sees it as a weakness to not know everything. The difference between my previous work and this one is that when I started off with the previous, I was passionate about it, despite several mistakes that would make me cry and question my worth, I was still willing to give it a shot, I was still willing to give in my best and eventually I got better, better enough to be among the best writers. I left because the workload started to impede my creativity, I was working from a tired point every time, and to save the remaining creative juice I had left, I took advantage of the pandemic. 

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Now this job involves writing and consulting for clients. Writing I can take but consulting is so much. It’s not a career path I’m interested in, except the writing aspect which is even not as interesting as I love. Is it too much to ask your boss to streamline your work roles? Contemplating these roles makes me sick and it’s made me develop anxiety lately. 

work anxiety

How I Feel & Why I’m Scared

I am a creative who’s suddenly found herself in a dark box, my craving for free will is not making it easier. I function better when I work at my pace but unfortunately, life hasn’t presented me with many options.

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My phobia for having an empty pocket is what makes me betray my inner self by not letting go despite the pressure. I know my inner self will cry again, I know I’ll suppress her for the umpteenth time, but for how long? The rope keeps getting thinner and thinner and it’ll cut one day. I know. All I crave is a decent work role with defined timelines and very importantly, peace of mind. I hate anything that gives me anxiety, but my job is. The more I try to fit into these forceful shoes, I lose myself and I don’t even enjoy anything. I really want out but I’m more of a coward.

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Amid the dead bones, amid the brain drain, I’m cowardly carrying on till life presents me with a better option where I can finally live my full potential and make my inner self smile eternally.

Want Inner Peace? tormenting job

What Is Stressing You Darling?

The moment I figured April is stress awareness month, for a second I was pissed because I thought that we should be more vocal about it like we do for other awareness days. But I guess because it has no ingredient of love in it like the trivial boyfriend and girlfriend’s awareness day lol, that’s why it’s overlooked.  

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I am fucking stressed about a few things but the one thing at the top of the food chain is my job, this is because it’s crept so much into my personal life and leaves me with no choice. I decided to be vocal about it here, not with hopes that I might find a grand solution, but there’s a certain magic attached to opening up, you might not get the exact solution you’re looking for, but it places you at an almost accurate point of relief. Writing these lines made me feel better for some reason…

tormenting job

On this note, I’ll beckon that you do the same. What’s stressing you out darling? Is it a tormenting job? Your relationship, marriage, family, friendship? etc. I’m craving your vulnerability on this one, let it all out in the comment section. The idea is to make this post a ‘vent room’, for us to let out the most bothersome thing and frustration in our hearts. I could give you an advice or two, and from reading mine, feel free to give advice too. And if you find a similar situation you broke free from relayed by a fellow commenter, feel free to offer your advice.

Shall we darling? Please narrate sincerely in the comment section what’s stressing your life. 🤗👇👇



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9 min read

Brushing my fingertips round and about my pubic hairs spread across my pelvic and around the lips of my vagina on many nights I’ve lost count, it is such a sweet feeling I cannot explain🤤. I play with the hairs, untangle them whilst scrolling through Instagram feeds with my other hand or trying to put me to bed. You can’t tell me otherwise, this is the best self-inflicting lullaby in the world🛌. So unfortunate, babies do not have pubic hairs, I could have recommended this therapy for nursing mums. Lol, I bet you just pictured a baby having pubic hairs🤣. At times I shave and I’m angry cause there’s nothing to hypnotize me in bed for the next two weeks🥲. How funny, Sometimes I forget I cleared the lawn, I happily dip my hands in my panties only to have my fingers walk on a distasteful bald head, yuck! What a bad night for the cut😒!? Shaving is no doubt sexy but I’ll rather not a clean one, trimming is my holy grail🤤. Ps. this does not apply to my underarm😑.

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I feel it’s absolutely normal to itch your pelvic region and smell it. I’m always eager to know what it smells like😴. I hate the hypocrisy on social media, remind me of that Big Brother Naija housemate who was caught on camera digging for some gold down there and went ahead to smell the roses afterward😂. He attracted so much mockery for doing something normal. Best believe for every 9 out of 10, whenever my fingers find themselves in my pelvic, once they’re out, I sniff😇. I want to know what I smell like always, I want to know how awful or sweet,  if they need more work or you know😉. How do I present a feast I have no idea how it tastes to the sons of men to devour🤭? It’s like cooking for a guest without tasting it, how do you know if it needs more or less salt or maybe pepper? Let’s quit the pretense, please. Damn you! I also smell my panties most times when I take them off🙄.

pubic hair fondling
Source- E-quick

Sleep- You’ll mostly find me hugging my pillow or having it tucked in-between my legs when I’m asleep. And if I’m not sleeping stark naked, I’m either sleeping with only a polo on or wearing only my pants. And if push comes to shove with the weather, my pyjamas and hoodie comes to my rescue🛌.

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Love- Jokes on the big idiot who came up with the phrase “love don’t cost a thing”, such foolish talk😑! to please who if I may ask? Love costs many things for me, apart from time and money, I hate that it keeps me on my toes, sometimes I’m so grounded in work and for an entire six hours, I’ve forgotten I have a boyfriend😖. And my phone beeps, shit! This nigga beat me to it, I guess he just remembered he has a girlfriend too😂.

pubic hair dating meme

Family- This is where forced love takes seed in me. I wish I could tell everyone off on this tree sometimes, but I’ve grown to realize the way they are unbearable sometimes to me is the same way I am to them🥺. I’m so unclear to my family members, I’ve learned to save them the trauma of discovering who I truly am and I think it’s okay😊. The most important thing is that I fulfill my quota as a member and everyone does the same, this way we find happiness🤗.

pubic hairs

Kids- I’m ashamed to admit I got zero tolerance for kids🥴, the same way I react over an adult’s mistake of spilling water on the floor, is the same way I react when a kid does same😑. I feel like I need saving in this regard because I intend to  birth kids someday too😍.

pubic hair stand kids

Friends– I have a handful of close friends, lowkey I think they are angry at me for not picking a best😏. But picking a best will make me solely dependent on someone who thinks it’s okay to be foolish even at serious moments🤣. I often wonder why good friends first laugh at your misery before figuring how to help though. Also what if I pick a best friend who cannot provide me with all the solutions? Friendship should be treated like work too, just like we deliver on our areas of strengths at work, friendship should be the same😁. Don’t you dare stress my brain! You ought to have several options to run to.

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Dogs- I have two dogs and I wish they could talk, like real talk🗣. I figure I’ve made some wrong turns in life, I could use their advice because humans have failed me in this regard😖. I hate it when someone tries to mimic my dogs when they bark or say “shut up!” “stupid dog”, and then they project some boring laughter too, perhaps laughing at their own stupidity because I don’t get what’s so funny😖? Utterly disrespectful! How do you see a dog and resolve to insults and sometimes throw stones🥺? I often wish I could release my dogs for a chase so we’ll see who gets the last laugh😑. Whenever I hear tales that someone got bitten by a dog, in my mind I’m happy, dancing for joy🤣. Excuse me sir/ma, what did you do? I need to hear from the other party. Gosh! I really wish dogs could talk🥺.

dogs memes pubic hair
Source- Reddit

Colleagues- (Except for few exceptions) If we work in the same place, I find it offensive that you’re looking me up on social media🙄. Trying to know how crazy my family is or what’s off about my personality? Why though?? Why do you wanna know me?? The only business we should have is work, I play my part excellently and that’s it😐. Office get-togethers have got to be the sickest initiative to come into existence, now what?? Should I get drunk in front of you all and dance my titties out🙄? Hell no! You won’t even come as far as viewing my WhatsApp status, I block you if I have to save your number and if I on a day the Lord made find your status on my feed, you’re blocked immediately. Honey, I do not wish to know you on that level, okay?😶

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Nice- “I think you’re nice Uju, can we be friends?” For reasons best known to God, I still haven’t figured out why I hate being classified as “nice”🤣. I feel the word holds so much sentiment and shouldn’t be used in describing anyone.  Ps. I’m not nice! don’t put me on that pedestal because by the time you see a fraction of my craze, you’ll feel like you’ve betrayed yourself and that shit hurts🧐. The word ‘nice’ messes so bad with my brain to a grave extent that if you ever say to me “I need you to meet *****, he’s a nice man”, I swear, I’m not meeting them🙄. And then when I ask you “how’s my outfit?”, you respond “It’s nice”, I automatically conclude you lack the core ingredients of being human, you should be a paper bag or something😪.

nice guy synrome pubic hair
Source- Reddit

Food- Work comes first for me, for a fact, if I’m not getting a task right, I don’t see why I should eat🧐. Sometimes I feel my stomach groaning for help but my coconut brain is trying to finish up a task first so I plead with my stomach to plead with my brain to come through so that we all can be happy😁. Food tastes so much better for me when my mind is fulfilled on a task👍.

Sweets- I chew sweets the moment they land their feet on my tongue, Do you lick or chew sweets? Do people really lick sweets? Do you? 🤔

Looks- Not my client getting thrilled after visiting this website (Muttering Minds) and affirming he wouldn’t pay me my balance until he sees what I look like. Must be crack right😏? What is it with people and wanting to know how I look? Enjoy the conversation dammit😑! I prefer to commune via chats (mails especially) with people I don’t know from adam, I don’t care to imagine how or what they look like. You soil the relationship the moment you ask to see what I look like😑. Don’t ask! I’ll randomly send you jpegs on my very good days, be patient😂.

i didn't ask, I don't care pubic hair

Phone Calls-  I slightly get irked or really irritated whenever my phone rings especially if I’m not expecting a delivery😒. More than half the time I don’t pick up, I find myself contemplating a thousand and over reasons why you must be calling me😏. Text is better, it lessens my anxiety. The most annoying thing is calling me when my phone’s hotspot is connected to my laptop☹, now I how to wait for your call to stop before I continue working, the audacity! My mum is guilty of this, I’ve pleaded with her several times to call me preferably on Whatsapp if she must but no, African parents make the rules🤦‍♀️. She rings my phone for every reason in the world, sometimes she calls me just to tell me how she doesn’t understand why my dad is not picking her calls and that I should check if he’s home, I figure my dad is tired too🤣. I enjoy phone calls sometimes though, but that’s rare.

pubic hair I hate phone calls


“In no particular Order”- I automatically conclude you’re a blatant liar the moment you say this before calling out names. The first few names you called are the ones most important to you; they wouldn’t come first in your head if they aren’t, so quit lying through your teeth😑.

“Kindly follow back”– Hellooo!!! I’ve seen you followed me and that’s on you🙄. Now can you let me decide if to follow back or not? Is it supposed to be blood for blood🙄?

“Are you good in bed?”– How do you expect me to know? So dumb! 😖 You should ask people who’ve had their share of the cake. Besides its relative, what’s good for them might be bad for you🙅‍♀️.

pubic hair crush memes

“Do you have a crush?”- I’m sorry I cannot relate🙄, especially with how people describe what their crushes do to them. I am not possessed please🤣🤣.

“What’s your best color?”- If I’ve ever given you an answer to this question, I was only trying to curtail your leeching curiosity🤣. I do not have a best color, yellow can look good on a tee but very alarming on my feet. It depends on the item really. If you have a favorite color you are a cow🤣🤣

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“Can you do me a Favor?”- Do you expect me to say no upfront☹? Don’t start a conversation with me on these lines, go ahead and say what you want, and then leave my capacity to be the judge😐.

pubic hair- can you do me a favor


Sure you’ve been wondering what kind of individual wears such a weighty personality🤣🤣. Well, that’s me and I may be pleased to meet you too🤭. This week  I took time to think introspectively about my personality, especially these bits. I realize that they go a long way in defining my personhood😄. I thought of sharing it with you all, with high hopes that you’ll check my list or cross them😁. It’s a long list I know, but I’m curious to ask, do we share some traits at least😅? Tell me what and what we have in common😉, and which of them leaves you in shock🤣🤣.  You can also add more to your list even the ones I didn’t state. I’m somewhat happy I got to write this so that whenever someone harrasses me with the “tell me about yourself” question, I’ll just pull up with this link🤣🤣🤣. God bless their aching souls they hate reading 🤣🤣🤣.

As usual, I’ll kill a roach to have your comments so please, indulge me. Tell me about you too and how connected we are in the comments section. 😄👇👇




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7 min read

The muscles on my thighs vibrate, hanging halfway in the air whilst his pelvic pounds hard on mine as they position rightly between them. My hands are spread apart like a crucifix and my fingers at both sides yearn to grab bits of the bedsheet for support amid the intense movement of his joystick in and inner my vagina. I’m on a cloud nine gasping for air on a missionary 5.0 journey, my moans filled the room, not sure what words my lips call “ummmmh moooahhh ahaaa haaa”,  I bite my lips softly too.

My ears and face are greeted warmly by his breath rush; he’s still hitting hard on my inner walls like he needs to unlock a new limit. He’s lost in the moment, never seen him this vulnerable at the mercy of every region my body holds. How do I get him to stop? This is surreal! But I love to be the one on top you know, moving my waistline celestially while his project overwhelms me beneath with beautiful strokes.  “Aaahhh ummm…stoppp baby…aaahhh”, I moaned unclearly, and whilst still in, he looks at me seductively in the eyes, withdraws his dick two inches away, and starts sucking intensely on my tits. Oh gracious me, what have I done to warrant this sweetly heavenly gift on a platter?! No matter what mood I’m wearing, I’ll kill to have my aurelia pampered, my nipples sucked, pinched, and bitten softly. Forget the clitoris; my tits’ my g-spot!

Read: My First Sex Experience; Take Back Home
valentine's sex
Source- XNXX

Ooh dammit! My head clicked, it’s Valentine’s Day! Chris had mentioned on previous nights that he’ll go overboard to sweep me off my clit and here I am wondering if he is on some Viagra.  Never have I wanted more from a valentine’s sex. Finally, I feel a warm outpour inside me, awwwww, he’s gotten a valentine’s orgasm, yet he tries to morsel some more strokes but his dick melts softly and slips away from my vagina. “Good morning baby”, he says shortly after pecking me on the lips. “Happy Valentine’s sex mi lover”, I wore so much satisfaction in my face even though low-key I wished I was the one on top and also had an orgasm. But it’s no biggie, there’s an eternity for me to enjoy him scrubbing his carrot in my oven.

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My guts were so excited that morning I felt he had more up his sleeves but I couldn’t tell what and what exactly. Was he gonna propose? We had been dating for six months, he gets me and I think I do the same for him too. The sex he brings to the table’s so fiery, smiles on his face crossed the borders of perfection, and the way he cares about me, sometimes I’m prompted to ask “Baby are you Jesus?” I once read somewhere that every man should experience a fraction of heaven at least here on earth. Chris is my heaven and did I mention, he’s an exceptional cook, you should have a fill of his shrimp jollof rice or egg sauce with vegetables and cuts of mackerel, I promise you’ll want my man even though you’re a man. This is a fact!

cuddle naked on valentine's sex
Source- Pintrest

Still lying nude and wrapped in his embrace whilst my boobs pressed hard on his chest and kissing him, Chris stretched his left hand and opened the drawer by the side of the bed; he kissed my forehead and said “Open it baby”.  It’s an envelope, but what could be inside? I sat upright and pressed on the envelope with my fingers, trying to see if I could guess what was inside. Felt like a bunch of paper and my mind thought “O dear! Could it be money? Preferably dollars?” I poured the content on the bed and OMG! Complete papers for an all-expense-paid trip to Bora Bora!!

valentine's sex

I’ve always gushed about how much I craved relaxing at Matira beach and playing around its crystal clear waters and soft sand. He’s also an adventure lover who amongst many islands in the world has his mind more fixated on visiting the Dormant Volcano and Mount Otemanu for some challenging hiking. “Gosh! baby I love you so much!”…I couldn’t hold my excitement, it was the break I needed, I grabbed him by the neck and started to kiss him so hard yet passionately. Oh Chris, nothing more validates you’re more than my fraction of heaven on this earth that I live. Finally, I got my desired break, away from the backache that comes with slouching to write, away from the world but with my world Chris❤.

best place for valentine's sex



🤣🤣🤣🤣 This was me some nights ago romanticizing my thoughts on how I’ll love to celebrate valentine at least for a first🤭. I thought so deeply about these scenes and I said to myself “You know what? Since you have no idea what to post for Valentine, why not pen this?” I also figured it’ll be a good way to test my skills in writing some fiction sex story, not sure I’ve ever written fiction before. So be the judge, how did I fare? Good or? 

Hmmmmm about valentine’s day…am I the only one who has never had a proper valentine’s celebration before?💁‍♀️ I intended to do a “throwback to my first valentine” post and I reminisced on the past only to realize none of the memories hold water🥲. I asked my friend Nneoma if she could be a contributor to sustain a good story and she sent me a VN that fucking killed me with laughter🤣🤣🤣. “Ujunwa should I tell you the truth? You no go believe me if I tell you this thing o.” She went ahead. “I’ve never had a valentine’s gift, I’ve never had a valentine’s date. Most times I spend my valentine evenings in the church because we always have a program for the youths, you know all these relationship talks and stuff. I’ve never had a valentine’s date o😪, you know most times I no know whether dem swear for me o. Like this now, the guy I’ve been dating since August last year, Just January, he said it’s over. So you see, I’m cursed. Maybe by March, I’ll get another boyfriend as they always skip the February part. I’ve never had a valentine’s gift from anybody, not even a hello friend. Sha pray for me on that matter so that I go fit contribute to your valentine post next year”.

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before valentine's sex

Her response made me laugh so hard that at the end of it, I realized many of us had the same story too🤣🤣🤣. Last year was slightly different for me though, I got to exchange gifts with bae but that was after the pressure sunk into our guts. I’ve never been so aware of valentine until last year as I was one of those who felt the day doesn’t cut it. You know that very bullshit talk “Valentine is overrated, I can show my bae love anytime”, the blood of Christ🥺! I didn’t know it was my broke spirit clouding my judgment🤣🤣.

valentine's sex

But last year, from the workspace, I got depressed seeing all the lovey-dovey moves on social media and even in the office😔. “Are these ones mad? Bloody show-offs🙄🙄”, I cursed under my breath seeing my boss’s husband showing up at the office with surprise flowers and other eye-watering gifts for his wife🤣🤣. Also, my other colleagues received gifts, frankly, I wished I had superpowers to vanish my existence from the office that very minute. My heart was bleeding!!😪

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valentine's sex surprise

“Yes hello🙄,” I picked bae’s call rolling my eyes. He went talking about some other stuff that didn’t matter at the time. In my mind, I was like “Is it that this man lives on another planet for God’s sake😣! Doesn’t he have a phone? Can’t he see💁‍♀️!” Very likely he noticed I wasn’t sounding all excited, so after a while, he asked: “What would you love for valentine’s day baby”. There was a sudden leap in my heart, it screamed: “Thank you Jesus!!! the young man got sight after all”🤣🤣.

Read: Men Talk! How To Get Rid of Boners in Public

Normal ladies trick, I began beating around the bush like I do not already have a thousand and over screenshots of likely gifts from IG😅. Well to cut the story short, bae later opened up to me about not being a valentine’s person too but all he’s been seeing online made him question his existence🤣🤣. He had the mind of not getting me anything as he felt it didn’t matter to me too. “God saved you🙄”, I screamed in my mind as he narrated. And yessssss we got our gifts and this year also we’ve already gotten gift sets for ourselves too because we are both averse to going out on Valentine’s Day🤮. I totally hate the idea of everyone thinking I’m all out to fornicate on that day🤭, I’ll rather cuddle my pillow and of course watch all the love shenanigans on the gram😁.

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most memorable valentine's sex

How about you? Have you ever had a memorable valentine or you’re like my friend Nneoma🤭? Also like I narrated my valentine’s fantasy, do you have any you’re nursing too? It’ll be great if you share in the comments section. Common! Don’t hold back, I love to hear all about your valentine escapades and generally what you feel about Valentine😅. Leave me a comment baby.👇👇



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7 min read

I’m tired😒, never been so unmotivated to write for myself like I am now😔. That moment where you have a lot of things to say yet you can barely make a sentence out of the bunch and even when you do, your brain welcomes it like soured beans, no sense😪! I was actually writing a story I think is beautiful, but anxiety got the most part of me, or maybe holiday syndrome?🤔

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But I had promised one last straw of creativity to Mutterers, so I kept scribbling words I felt made sense before I came to terms with looking my truth in the eye. I could have completed the story🥺, but I wouldn’t have felt so much love for it, and every time I sip a sentence, down to a paragraph from it, it’s only win will be reminding me of a time where I struggled to make sense🤦‍♀️. I hate to feel this way, the only time I’m allowed to is when I’m at a job interview, and I’m asked “where do you see yourself in five years?”🤨 I always try to make sense by stating a lot of stuff that hasn’t even made it to my bucket list yet🤥…wishful thinking, just because I need the job. Funny how this question is cliché yet hard, it goes to show that not every regular thing is near at hand; some are earth-shattering🥶.

holiday syndrome
Source- Tealink



I don’t know what it is actually, but in these last days of 2020, I have been so tensed that it makes my legs twitch😬. Sometimes I blame it on the many workloads, other times I think there’s something really wrong😒. I get angry too and consciously look for a victim to transfer my aggression🥴. I’ve found myself putting too many chats on mute and even archived them because these individuals have sworn an oath to intensify my anxiety with their text messages always signing off with “ASAP”🙄. You won’t kill me fam! No, you won’t😑! But the biggest scam in all these is Mark Zukerberg😴, how do you make provisions for archiving and muting chats, only for it to get lost in just a second and come back to drive a nail in my eyes the next time the buffoon messages me again🤷‍♀️. Please scrap these features or improve them.  Mute should mean ‘SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY😑!!’…while archiving a chat should mean ‘GET LOST! NEVER TO BE FOUND BITCH😡!’ Not unless I grant you a presidential pardon.

holiday syndrome
Source- Verywellmind

I fought with the love of my life shortly before coming to terms with writing this😤. He advised me to shut my laptop for a while and look for something else to do since the words were not running as fast as a roach avoiding a broom wipe😕. I hated him for saying this, I expected a “baby you got this!”👊 with some other sweet words following. “How can you tell me to give up?😢 I promised one last story for the year, you know what, good night!😕” After I hung up, I went on Whatsapp to dish him an appetizer of my last vent only for the mister to react by sending me several scrolls longer than the one Moses used in repressing the Israelites from their hearts’ filth😭😭. I got so agitated that I began to wonder what the whole argument was about🤔. It was me really🥺. Me feeling tired yet not wanting to accept it😒. Me looking for answers that were already cat walking before my third eye😔.

holiday syndrome
Source- Time Magazine

Sometimes we know what exactly is wrong with us; we just hope the narrative can be changed🥶. In my quest for answers, I felt the sudden urge to hand my burden over to someone else who barely knows me, for some reason I felt running over another close friend will be futile still🤨. “Hey, I’m so exhausted, is it bad if I don’t show up again this year?” Pelumi replied to me with a sad eyed emoji 🥺🥺 and asked if it was work or the website? I couldn’t pin anything in particular, I sure knew I wasn’t feeling good and she said “Maybe holiday syndrome”🤔. The moment she said this, I felt some sort of relief, maybe I wasn’t running mad after all. Then she suggested “What about a short note? You can just wrap up with an appreciation note you know? So it doesn’t seem like you left Mutterers hanging.” The irony right now is that this right here is the 776th word I have written🤣🤣, how does this equate to a short note?🤦‍♀️ I haven’t even birthed my words of appreciation yet😆.



Never have I looked forward to a holiday than this one🥴. Never have I been exhausted from everyone and everything but I am😔. I am too exhausted to a point where it’s affecting my work productivity, I really cannot wait😢. I wish I could be daggered in a box to have my beauty sleep for 600 years🛌 but that will be over my parent’s dead body😤 because I can tell they swore a subconscious oath that while I’m on earth, they will ensure blood and sweat that I may never relax my nerves😭😭. I’m the only child currently in the house, my other siblings fled for safety to avoid unending errands 😒. If you still believe I’m a writer; you are partly wrong🤕, best believe I am a full-time maid who takes care of two elderly babies and two dogs🙄. It’s rotten luck to be the only child in the house, don’t let anyone butter you up with the lie that there will be plenty of food because even if there is, house chores zap you of all the energy you need to enjoy a meal🤮. A malnourished appetite is what you live with, always, and forever🤮.

holiday syndrome
Source- Parents

Most importantly, this holiday, I want to rest. Rest my head and possibly switch off my phones💆‍♀️. I had planned to visit the beach and some other places, but I’ll pass, I really do not have the energy to muster those electrifying beach perfect smiles👩‍🦯. If you plan on spending ample time on your bed like me this holiday, your goal is valid👊. Do not let anyone stop you from loving your bed even though the last time you visited the beach was since you were 10-years-old like me😴.

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Fun is like love. Like you need to love yourself first before you can seek it in someone else, fun is the same, learn to have fun with yourself first🙂. If you haven’t experienced stage one and you decide to throw caution to the wind this season, I pray your beach shirt gets burnt while ironing🤨 or the shoe you reserved for dirty December gets eaten by a rabid dog😕. Nonsense and ingredients😡! You all can’t keep making ‘we’ introverts feel bad🙄.

I WISH YOU ******

I don’t know what you love so that I can wish you get it but I know something you must love, and that’s Muttering Minds😆😆. If you don’t already love this community, then I wish you do😗. I wish you get choked by the obsession of every word here that you are provoked to leave a comment always😊. I wish you spread the goodnews of the interesting stories here aggressively as Paul did in Macedonia to the gospel of Christ😂😂. This is my wish for you, come 2021🤎. Do I sound selfish?🙊 Well, aren’t we all?😜 Or you expected me to say “I wish you what you wish for yourself”? That’s vague and how can I be sure your wish is not my death?🤷‍♀️ It’s out of harm’s way we play this way🤝.

holiday syndrome
Source- Medium

Sincerely, I thank you all for riding with me throughout 2020 ❤ and most especially understanding that I am human too, that’s what I love the most about our relationship here😁.  Your continuity to show up is my drive and be sure I do not take it for triviality. Above all, I wish you a peaceful holiday🤗, and if you ever get bored, feel free to send me an email ( so we can gossip some😜. You do know gossip is good relaxation for the nerves right🤪?

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This is officially the last post for the year💃💃, to resume next year, a date only God has the answer to👩‍🦯. However, I’ll like to officially announce that new stories will now be every Friday or Sunday as opposed to the subtle guesswork trauma I’ve been putting you all through for the past year🤭. Fridays for every other post and Sundays when it is religious inclined🤝. I pray the genie who blesses my spirit with the ingredient to procrastinate and be inconsistent departs from me in the New Year. I GOT THIS!!!💃💃

holiday syndrome
Source- Deviant Art

So let’s talk, what do you look forward to during this holiday?😃 How would you like to spend it? Any wish?😅 Remember, whatever you say is valid. Low-key I’m hoping I’m not alone on this sleep quest🙃, do not betray me, brethren, I repeat, DO NOT! Identify yourselves so I can form a sleep coven😂😂.

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Common, gist me, let’s talk in the comment section😁. And if you got any reservations about all I wrote so far, feel free to say too. I’m waiting. 😁👇



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8 min read

After one of the members on Naked Minds called my attention for using real-names instead of nicknames of fellow subscribers in reposting responses to stories, I made up my mind that I was going to apologize properly by letting you all in on my many nicknames; some of which are lost in space, I hope never to find the need of them again😐.

Nicknames are cool, at least for me. Lowkey, I suffer from a fevered admiration for people who get called by their nicknames so often that even their close friends forget what their real names sound like. Do you have people like this around you? Well, I got one, his nikky is ‘Effect’…my nigga’s so hardworking his peers and superiors felt an uncommon urge to christen him again😄. His real name and his abilities are like oil and water, gargle at your own risk, they both won’t gel. Wondering what it is? Well, I don’t know either🙈…met him as Effect, and Effect he shall continue to be…what I don’t know can’t hurt me🤡.



Well, getting a unique and popular nickname was a goal for me in secondary school. It felt tech to own one, I wanted to belong by all means. And even if I said no to the mantle, these slum/parting books staged themselves at playful corners waiting to embarrass me🤕. How do I tell the owner of a Slum book that I got no nickname to fill? and even if I left it vacant without her knowledge, eventually, in the long future when she revisits it, she’s hit suddenly by the trauma of how weird I was in high school. Not me! I didn’t want anyone to have such memories about me😂😂.

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So I ferried on a nickname quest🚣‍♀️. I began asking friends what they felt will soothe me for a nickname, specifically one they can call me any time even in public. I remember brainstorming with Ayomide, my bunkmate, and some others. As expected, they coined appellations from my English name ‘Doris’. Sure you can already predict the kind of nicknames they came up with. ‘Dodo’, ‘Dori Baby’, even the spelling backward jinx ‘Sirod’. Yuck! 🤮


I wasn’t having it. They all felt cliche. “Common now, I’m bigger than all this jargon🙄”, I often said this within me anytime they suggested some dementia allusive nikky. Do you ever know what you want sometimes but then shy to say it, instead you look for someone to help push you to your death so that at the end of the day, you can have a name to blame when things fall apart?😹 This was the game I was playing but how disappointing, no one thought in my direction😫. 

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“How about something sexy and mischievous?”, I suggested in a low tone. Trust the girls on this one 🤣🤣🤣, names started flying up and down. Guess the name I settled for 😭😭…‘SEXY BREEZE’ !!! oh, my days!!! Looking back now, I feel so embarrassed. Were my bunch of friends so stupid or I was the stupid one for agreeing to be coined a nickname for a tomfool?🤒 I definitely was so stupid! You need to see the way I blushed whenever someone called me ‘Sexy Breeze’. It felt so dope mehn😂😂!. But unfortunately, the name didn’t bring as much popularity as expected so I ferried on another quest🚣‍♀️.


Thanks to my very stupid friends again, I was caught between choosing  ‘MYSTIQUE’ or ‘SEDUCTIVE MYSTIQUE’. Being an Oliver twist, I decided to do both. Depends on what mood I was in whenever someone handed me their slum book to fill. If I felt like a ‘Mystique’, then Mystique it is; if I felt spicy at the time, then ‘Seductive’ came before the ‘M’😹. 

I still didn’t make the hall of fame with any of them. The only person who made me feel really welcomed with the name was one of my friends Tope, who had her  feet swept off in admiration that she had to nikky herself  ‘SEDUCTIVE SEDUCTRESS’ How insane?!😂😂 I remember hailing her to her face and screaming “bloody copy cat” in my mind😫. Asides from my unreserved hate for copycats, I deserved to be the only ‘seduction’ in school dammit! 😐

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Reflecting on how stupid the nicknames were, I should have left her to bear all of them. To date, Ayomide still taunts me with these nicknames. So if I become president tomorrow, this is how she’ll reveal one of my many foolish decisions in life right😫! Wicked girl!🤕 Not like hers was any better, who the f*** bears ‘Ayomzy Delight’?  Only hoodlums😂😂

names nickname
Source Cliparts


Joining Facebook after secondary school and seeing the way people spelled their usernames started to tickle my fancy. For example, someone who bears ‘Ayomide’ refines the spelling to ‘Haryohmide’. Mehn that shit looked so dope to me and if I don’t belong, who will🙈? But it was so heartbreaking, all my many remixes didn’t sound nice and I wasn’t with my foolish friends anymore to help me figure it out. Looking back now, I bless God o, otherwise they would have given me a remix best for simpletons😂😂. However, I got one, all thanks to my ex.

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 What I was searching for was right beside me but I couldn’t see it… One day I decided to check my baby boy’s phone to see what he used in saving my number and boom! I saw ‘DHAUREYZ’… this was his remix for ‘DORIS’. It felt so cool, I adopted it without blinking, and to date, I use it for virtually everything; pseudonyms, emails, social media, etc. I know you are trying so hard to pronounce it 🤣🤣🤣… take it easy on yourself, a lot have bitten their tongues on that quest.

names nickname


And the last one…. Hopefully not the least🎯…My long lost dream of having a nickname that replaces my own name finally came to pass in the university. Hurrayyyyy!!!💃💃 Blow the trumpets!!!🥳🥳  Oh, my days! Even though I blacklisted the hostel because of my experience with infection, I must admit my time spent there was exhilarating.  

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I like to believe I was a hot cake, I mean hot inside the brain o and maybe a portion of hot outside🤡. Then I used to be more involved in poetry, brewing, and writing everywhere in the school (for those who cared to read anyway😁). And then I got big news that I was nominated for the Nigerian Writers Award, for Poetry Writer of the year category. I was more shocked than excited when I saw the news online (this is a story for another Naked Minds gist😆). That type of shock where you recheck for the umpteenth time to see if it’s really your name and if it is, you’re still in shock because you think the news is for someone else who bears your exact names. That’s how I felt.

names nickname
Source- ArtStation

I broke the news to one of my close friends Victoria and before I knew it, she started hailing and shouting ‘UJU MALOO’… what is ‘MALOO’??? I had no idea but it sounded cool, although with a blend of ‘razness’, I loved it. That was how the name flew🚀. I stayed in the hostel for two years and throughout the time, I was either called ‘Maloo’ or ‘Uju Maloo’. Maloo is a Yoruba word and depending on the caller’s tone, it could mean ‘Go’ or ‘Come’. But to Victoria, she meant ‘Go’, more like “keep on moving and winning Uju”. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

To cut the story short, ‘Maloo’ faded as soon as I left the hostel😓. But of course, I still saw some of the hostel mates who would always shout it out whenever they saw me on the walkway or somewhere in the school😄. It always felt like home. Even now, whenever I hear someone speaking Yoruba and says ‘Maloo’, it has a way of putting a genuine smile on my face😁.

names nickname
Source- Deviant Art


Although added a little spice to this article on publishing here, it’s actually a Naked Minds exclusive. You better join cause I won’t be betraying my coven anytime soon again😫. 

Asides that this is an intended fun post to get us to unwind and sign out gradually from this puzzle-twisting year, I wanted to poke the essence of names🌚. Names are either  powerful or impotent. Some are sweet, some are salty to the ears. Some sound so sweet yet  a profitless meaning💩…some are an ear sore, but got beautiful meaning. You hear some names and you’re like “Huh? You mean your parents actually gave you this name😳”…that embarrassing! I wouldn’t want to mention names lol.

name nickname
Source- Medium

Most part of me wanting a nickname by force was because I didn’t see my two names as good enough and soothing for my personality. Have you ever pondered on your name(s) and asked yourself “why me”? Why did my parents choose to call me this? Well, I did for ‘Doris’, still stuck on trying to love the name🙁. I couldn’t fall in love with it because of the many unappealing tones people prefer to pronounce it😤. I wish I could insert an audio sample🤧. But I’ve always loved Obianuju (since I got mature though), and even invested more love for it after my parents told me I was named ‘Obianuju’ because shortly after my birth they both bagged a huge salary increase at work. Obianuju means ‘Born into wealth’ …but the meaning of Doris always fluctuates between the ‘bad and good’ whenever I look it up😏. There’s never been a unified meaning, I think whoever invented the name was six feet buried in confusion at the time😬.

Read: Parents Are The Best Pretenders

Have you ever reflected on your names before?🤔 Heard some of you got like seven and counting🤠, unlike me, I wasn’t fortunate enough to be named by all the prominent members of my extended family🤣🤣. I’ll love to know your names and what you feel about them. Would you say they resonate with your personality or your parents deserve 600 years for such cruelty? 😂😂

Nickname name
Source- The New Yoker

Hmmmmm about my many nicknames 🤐… what’s yours and how did you come by it? I like to believe the way some of these nikky’s sound is the reason we choose them, not necessarily what they mean🤭. Did you at some point want a nickname so bad like I did? Do you have a past regrettable nickname🤣🤣? And you see that name, yes! That very one you use on IG and Twitter… How did you arrive there?  ‘Sexy posh’, ‘Dragon’, ‘Barbie doll’, ‘Cupcake’, “Renegade’ …Is that you? 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

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Warning!!! Do not try to taunt me with my first three nicknames, otherwise I go comot ya teeth just now😂😂. I’m curious to hear yours, I will try not to laugh. Common… Let me in😌, leave me a comment 😂😂👇👇

P.s. I want to propose that parents should leave about one or two name slots open until a child is grown so we can name ourselves according to our personalities. Dear future kids, I got you😆!



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7 min read

The ‘believe’ is simple, yet it remains one of the hardest things to do especially when your supposed source of inspiration fails you one, two, and many times that you lose count. In my case, I’ve let ‘believe’ be and continued to pay no mind for whatever outcome it brings. Here’s a narrative about my life as a religion nonconformist, I decided to share this part of me because …

Do you believe in God? What if I told you I do but rather than accord him all the praise and worship, I’ve turned a blind eye. I hope you don’t get me wrong… here’s what I mean…

religion nonconformist

“Fisayo, are you a Christian?” my answer was a blatant No, when my supervisor enquired, this was shortly after I declined to lead the staff prayer one early Monday morning. I bet she thought all along I was one because tell you what, I sure look it.

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The Sunday of that same week we were alone at the bank for ATM duty. Then she asked, “so you are a Muslim?” No, I answered. Her countenance began to switch…“the other day I asked if you were a Christian and you said no, now you are no Muslim? What religion do you belong to?”, she queried. I told her that  I am not a religious person. She was shocked and at the same time interested in knowing why.

religion nonconformist
She was shocked and at the same time interested in knowing why

“So you don’t practice any religion? Why?” I responded “Why not? I don’t want to”. She said she had never met anyone who doesn’t belong to a religion and speculated something happened that made me vow never to attend church again. Hmmmm…how laughable…

Read- He Is God, I Can’t Defend Him

I get similar reactions every time someone learns I’m not affiliated with any religion. An unfun fact of it all is that I was raised by my parents as a hardcore Christian, a Jehovah witness to be precise. I used to take my bag and umbrella and knock from door to door regularly. It was my way of life growing up.

Jehovah witness nonconformist

What Happened Along The Way

As time went on, I began to learn for myself, thanks to being a Witness anyway, the mandatory bible study lifestyle paid off, it inculcated in me a craving to explore the bible even more. By nature, I am inquisitive, some things started to make no sense to me so I started digging for answers by involving myself with various religious books, not only that of Christianity, I read texts from Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, and more.

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My faith in Christianity started to shake especially because the stories from other religions appeared similar to that of the bible and even a bit more logical. Take for example, according to Buddhism, Buddha before he was born, lived his previous life as a hermit and also a prince. He surveyed the world determining where he will be born. Upon his birth, he immediately started walking and talking, and a lotus appeared under his foot at every step. This is a paraphrased version of what the texts say about Buddha though. As outlandish as this seems, there are vague similarities to what Christians have been taught about circumstances surrounding the birth of Jesus Christ. I mean the immaculate conception, the neon angels appearing in the night sky singing, the star, and so many others. 

religion nonconformist

Due to numerous studies, all I could conclude was the pioneers of these so-called religions that exist were all in an unhealthy competitive race of who could write the best fables and propagate their narrative faster. Christianity which happens to be the most practised is also guilty. While Christians are quick to dismiss and tag other religion’s stories as untrue, they wholeheartedly embrace the fables in the Bible. Hence, my religious foundation started to crumble.

There Is A God But…

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a God, I just don’t subscribe to the fact that he has any interest or business in my life or yours. I mean if he’s interested in our lives as the Bible says, why is there so much suffering and violence in the world? Shouldn’t he be able to put a stop to it? The bible makes us believe we were created in his image and likeness this means we are no different from him right? Ok so put a normal human parent in his shoes, will a parent look away from the lack of love and torment his/her child is facing if they had the power to avert it? The bible also says that God is love, why will the very personification of love stand on the sidelines watching his most precious creation suffer for so long all in the guise of trying to teach us a lesson. If Jesus Christ’s blood is supposed to cleanse us and redeem us, why have we not felt the effects of his shed blood after more than 2000 years? 

Religion nonconformist violence
Why is there so much suffering and violence in the world?

For all the time I invested in studying the bible, I couldn’t get satisfactory answers to these, so I lost interest in religion.

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More

I believe there is a God because of the earth and everything therein… someone must have put all these in place or perhaps a host of many spirits or forces came together to form the earth and the leader being the so-called God we acclaim all our worship to. What I don’t believe in is everything the Bible says about him, his loving nature, and all…I don’t think his real personality was properly documented otherwise we would have had a proper explanation for all these happenings. 

religion nonconformist

How The Folks Reacted

Another question people ask me when they get to know this part of me is “And your family, do they know about this?” Well, when my parents noticed my increasing apathy toward religion and our religious routine, I had to split the beans. They were surprised and wore a look of being betrayed yet they sat me down to encourage and strengthen me spiritually. Unfortunately for them, it fell on deaf ears because of how strong-willed I am. However, years later,  they have grown to respect my decision. Although once in a while my mum throws some barbs at me, which I’ve learned to deflect with silence. 

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I live right, I try to do right by people. Remember I was a Christian and I’m familiar with all the tenets and principles stated in the Bible. These ethics did not depart from me, But I don’t pray since I don’t believe there is a supreme being who listens. I just hope for the best. Lol…….sounds cheesy right? I love the way my life is because I am free. For me, religion constricts the mind, makes your view narrower. Your actions, thoughts, choices are all controlled.

religion nonconformist
Unfortunately for them, it fell on deaf ears because of how strong-willed I am.

Did You Get Me Wrong?

In case you’re perplexed, I’m not an atheist. An atheist believes there is no God at all. I believe God exists. There is too much empirical evidence to believe otherwise. Our body structure, the wonders of creation, all the matter cycles ( water, nitrogen, carbon, and phosphorus) are too intricate, too complicated to have come by chance. Between the time of creation and now, a lot of things changed which remains largely unexplained. 

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My lifestyle is something I am unapologetic preaching to whoever cares to listen but sometimes I observe a sort of stigma from religious folks or they immediately start to follow me up so I can belong to their doctrine. I also observed that people tag it as a socio-moral crime to not believe in God or be a religion nonconformist. Does identifying with a particular religion say so much about who we are? Does it define our personhood? Your personhood!?

religion nonconformist

To the Christians/Muslims (or whatever religion) out there, why do you emphasize so much importance in believing in God? If you are a non-conformist or an atheist, I’ll like to learn about your experience too, especially the events surrounding the last straw before you backed out from religion completely. Let’s talk, perhaps I could find my way back home reading your nuggets on religion. Kindly leave me a comment below.😅👇👇


P.s. The comment plugin has developed a fault which will hopefully be fixed soon. The implication is that the only notification you will get in your mail is an approval note of your comments unlike the usual where you get a notification for responses of the admin to your comment also. Regardless once you receive an approval email, be rest assured your comment has been responded to.   So you can get back here to keep the conversation flow. Thank you