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Abusive Relationship: Why Walking away is not an Option yet

Writer- Femi Wager
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3 min read

It is often said that love is a beautiful thing. However, from time to time, we see that love, and sometimes a relationship is not a good thing.

It is normal to get attracted to a person after intimacy has been built over time, but what is to be said about an abusive relationship?

We all know how crazy it is when we have to get detached from someone that we have been attached to overtime. It feels like a journey to a dead-end which is unfair with life. An abusive relationship is no exception. 

Read Men Not Robots! Why The deficiency?
abusive relationship
You don’t know except you have experienced it

One hit is enough to walk away from him or her, you think? In my opinion, I’ll say “You don’t know except you have experienced it”. Has it ever occurred to you why people come out years after to say their spouse abuses them? Why not early enough right? Especially the sort that is glaring that such a relationship is a no brainer for the victim? 

Love shared between two people is a beautiful thing but when it accompanies an unhealthy form of attachment, it becomes a relationship between a tormentor and its victim. While the abused lives in denial, the tormentor breeds mixed signals. 

Read Domestic Violence! How Many More Johnny Depp’s To Be Uncovered?
abusive relationship
While the abused lives in denial, the tormentor breeds mixed signals.

The tormentor is sometimes cold, other times romantic and then on most occasions pounces on the victim like they are some rat that encroached their privacy. In all these, the abused feels that the relationship is healthy and too good to be left alone. By too good, they hold onto the memories of the good old days, and the mixed signals they are receiving. They resolve to blame games, with the thought of being the reason the abuser is that way. 

In a typical African setting, when the spotlight of abuse is in context, there is this idea of African women enduring abusive marriages, but the big question is, “When there is an option to leave an abusive relationship, why condone so much pain for so long?”

Read: Signs Of An Abusive Relationship 
Abusive Relationship
Until walking away becomes the only option

It’s really draining when one thinks about it. But the reason is, they love and are still in love. They hold on to the good old days with hopes that things will return as they were. Despite the bruises, burns, cuts and emotional torture, they are unwilling to walk away, except after a very long time.

If you ever come across someone abused, best believe they are not going to take your advice about walking away yet until walking away becomes the only option.

 

 

 

 

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Bubu
Bubu
3 months ago

I really do not understand how and why people remain in abusive relationships/ marriages… The weirdest thing is that some of them make excuses for their violent partners. I’ve stopped trying to interfere or intercede on anyone’s behalf after I received series of tongue lash from a lodge-mate back whom I housed after her so-called boyfriend left her with a bloody nose and kicked her out of his room. Few days later I came in from lectures and I saw both of them kissing and smiling in front of my door and she said she’s been waiting for me to… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Awwwww. Next time no playing Martin Luther 😌

Darius
Darius
3 months ago

I agree with the last sentence. When we were in the barracks, the women in my block held a secret meeting to raise money for a woman who was constantly abused by her husband, her co-wife and her co-wife’s children. They raised the money, told her to sneak out early in the morning on a particular day & took her to the park. The mission was accomplished, but after some months, the lady returned to her abusive husband. Everybody was stunned. She left emaciated & came back healthy and robust. Her husband went to the village to sweet-talk her and… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Darius

Wow. While a part of me feels pity, the other part feels it serves her right😌

Temilade
Temilade
3 months ago

Abusive relationships most times the victim believes and hope the tormentor changes with time. Many had died due to this, many ended up in psychiatric homes all be they kept praying their so called lover changes. But frankly, why don’t we think or ponder over the reason why these people can’t walk away? I believe after every incident the lover comes back remorseful and promising never to do that again. They enjoy the lovey dovey aspect since pains doesn’t last forever. Abused people don’t take advice but when more damaged has been done they manage to escape with wounded hearts… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Temilade

Well said🤞🤞

Immanuel Eric
Immanuel Eric
3 months ago

While they say love is a “beautiful thing”, choosing to stay in an abusive relationship is toxic to the victim.
You don’t fall in love and leave your senses outside.
Even the “Holy Book” says wisdom is profitable to direct.
Regardless of what and how you feel towards the person, if you condone the first hit from the abuser, be sure to receive more from where it came from.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Immanuel Eric

Well said.

Bobby
Bobby
2 months ago

First of abuse comes in different forms,it ranges from gas lighting to various forms of manipulation. we only look at the physical part. I’m still under going this process consciously but its hard to take a bow when your partner breaks down and cry every time, blames their actions on past experiences and promises to fix up. The process starts all over again “benefit of doubt”, when the going gets comfortable, the signs start to show but you’re reminded of the fact they’re making effort and you should let old things slide. No one wants to be the monster, i… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
2 months ago
Reply to  Bobby

Hmmmmm. I feel you. I get the angle you are coming from but best believe some people are masochistic, pain gives them joy. I hope you sort things out as fast and as safe as possible. 🖤

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