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7 min read

A man cannot be a hundred percent satisfied! Satisfaction is a mirage, a man who appears to have attained it only deliberately decided to stay blind to his other needs that pinch. Satisfaction comes with self-control, the duo is difficult to merit. Why we excel in some areas, we are deficient in others. For me, the burden slaps hard with the institution, Marriage! As a man, I’m aghast at the perpetual welcome of Monogamy. Why? Why should a man be bound by one woman?

After a few years of being attracted to different women for different reasons, I have found that I am unmarried because I am looking for those different traits (characteristics) in a single woman. Crazy, I know.

monogamy is useless

Imagine a world where I am allowed to have more than one partner, where I could marry women in different sizes to satisfy specific fetishes. Who else will I enjoy a double action kind of sex with if not my chubby lady with a big breast? I imagine sliding my dick in-between her breasts and then grazing her lips with the crown as she sends shivers down my spine with her tongue. Another of my favorite fetishes for thick women is having to sit on the toilet as she turns her back towards me, twerking while my dick slides in and out. 

What about my slim and tall lady? I have this fetish to pin her against the wall while I leap up from behind, trying to align my dick with her pussy, just like a dog. For some reason, I guess this particular fetish is why they say all men are dogs lol. But I don’t mind!

Read: Lets Play A Game… Fetish or Obsessions or Both?

Imagine having either of these fetishes at my beck and call, I will probably come close to being a truly happy man, and will not live with the guilt of cheating on my one wife who does her best, but can’t just keep up with my numerous bed experiments. And in cases where I’m too busy to attend to the numerous needs of my wives, and often too tired from many business and social engagements. I’ll love that my wives can entertain men in the guest apartment to meet many of their cravings, and do to them, the things they’ve only dreamt of. Imagine a world where a wife is not bound from having a gist partner, a play partner, and a satisfying partner, and yet remain loyal in every other wifely duty to hubby. Raise this issue and folks will whip up diseases, but there were still diseases in the days of our great grandfathers, right?

monogamy is useless

MONOGAMY IS A CAGE

Truth is, modern religion came with an ideology, wrapped it up in morality, and served it to us as the way of life. One might even argue that the concept of monogamy is a mischievous scheme to curtail Africa’s speedy childbearing and growth by the Western world.

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Check this out; a child knows there is milk on the shelf, and he wants to drink milk but cannot do it because it might be a crime. So he lives with that desire burning in his heart, till he eventually gives up in frustration. Compare this to a child who knows there is milk on the shelf and he isn’t restricted from drinking it, so he moves about freely with that consciousness. Which one is a more happy child? And if happiness is key to social and mental development, which one develops more into a bold, strong, and successful man?

monogamy is useless
Source- Wiki How

Man is by nature free-spirited (Polygamous), if he’s not doing something, it means he doesn’t want to. Monogamy restricts a rather polygamous human, and cuts of the mind from being all it can be, this is why many of the people who seem to have blown out of proportion have not allowed themselves to be limited by most social constructs put in place by fearful ancestors to checkmate human growth.

A CLEARER ANALYSIS

Growing up, I used to steal meat from the stew pot, not the soup pot because my mum was fond of draw soup. And you know what they say, taking meat from a draw soup takes a special skill set, and I didn’t possess it at the time, so I settled for the stew.

monogamy is useless
Source- Dream Africa

A time came that I became in charge of the kitchen because I learned to make food almost as Mama did, and I discovered that I naturally stopped stealing meat from the stew pot, soup pot, Jollof, or the reserved fried ones. Thinking back now, I realize that I couldn’t steal that to which I have the key.

What does this have to do with monogamy?

Every woman I have met, I am in love with. The wild ones, the calm ones, the loud ones, and the soft-spoken. I met a girl who is chubby and what draws me to her is her belly. I love how it jiggled when she laughed, and I just loved to make her laugh. Huge girls laugh from deep within, it is often devoid of pretense. Unlike a popular body type to whom you crack a joke and they go “hehe”. I love a chubby girl when I am selfish because she is more than enough to go around. I love to be wrapped up in her embrace and get lost in her. And yeah, has a huge girl ever defended you in public? Nothing sexier than when she is vexing on your behalf. 

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monogamy is useless
Source- Pintrest

But I still want to lift my woman, swing her about and have her literally look up to me with those sweet adorable eyes, and even stand on her toes to kiss me. And this is exactly why I like her petite too and full of energy. Ever been in a pillow fight with a “small” lady? You could bury her in about 6 pillows, throw her up and catch her without paying for gym classes. There’s even stronger bonding that comes from her inability to reach the upper cabinets in the kitchen, I’d just place my both palms on her waist and lift her and wait for that smile and a kiss.

monogamy is useless
Source- Media Push

There is a woman for optics. She is tall, slender, with a thick thigh and proportionately thick behind. I am not very tall, but I still imagine her on stilettos with her elbow placed on my shoulder while I lean on her like the support for the tilting tower. This is the woman I want to “look up to”. Her intimidating height, huge presence, and often stern look through occasionally worn dark shades will make folks ask “who is this domineering woman he is with?” And I’d smile sheepishly because they don’t know that it is not so when we are completely alone and unclad.

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monogamy is useless
Source- Sporty Tell

MONOGAMY IS USELESS! SCRAP IT!

Some say a man is inherently good, others say inherently bad, but what if a man is inherently immensely capable of the expression of his desires in numerous ways to numerous objects of his affections without failing in his duties to the one or all?

A man is married to a breathtakingly beautiful woman but still goes to another whom men consider as ugly to lay by her bedside. Why is that?

monogamy is useless

A man walks hand in hand, fingers entwined, with his lover on the beach, enjoying the sunset, when suddenly a different girl walks by and he forgets about his lover whom to many is a 10, and gawks at another lady who is completely oblivious of his existence. Why is that?

Many faithful men still visit strip clubs, get lap dances, and wank off to sultry images of other women who aren’t even built like their wives. Why is that? These men live in a world where they can afford a whole kitchen but they are not allowed to, so they steal a glance and sometimes take extra meat or two from the pot. And those who take meat from the draw soup leave a trail behind them, and when they are caught, they are called cheats.

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Imagine a world where he is handed the key to the kitchen and even allowed to provide and watch guard over the meat? Wouldn’t he be more dedicated and happy?

monogamy is useless
Source- GQ Aaustralia

Everyone wants to be free, I particularly love to be free. Why should I adhere to a social construct (Monogamy) that binds me to one woman for the rest of my life, when inherently I desire so much more? Monogamy should either be scrapped or made optional not just for a specific religion but for every person, it’ll go a long way to saving marriages and relationships.

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Here’s another lamentation from a muttering mind, yearning to know what your mind mutters too. I’ll love to know your sincere opinion on monogamy. Are you convinced it’s the ‘IT’ or fallen prey to its bandwagon ideology propagated by society? Will you say that monogamy has done more harm to society or good? Let’s discuss further in the comment section Mutterers 😊👇👇.

 

 

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6 min read

Some names have attained universal recognition and status, names like Coca-Cola, Michael Jackson, Jesus Christ, and Mortal Kombat (yes, I said it!!). This versus game has been a big hit and brand for years, It’s a one size fits all game as one doesn’t even have to be a staunch gamer to really get involved and fall in love completely. Also, the franchise has in time past released subsequent movies that had an impact on kids and youths of the era, movies that have had many adaptations through the years. 

With much built-up anticipation in 2021, fans anxiously waiting for the current version of the Mortal Kombat mythos. Now the deal is here! Did it miss the mark or outshined the expectation of fans? 

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Mortal Kombat (2021) Review: Four Grave Lessons to help you Navigate Life

Directed by Simon McQuoid, and produced by James Wan, Todd Garner, Simon McQuoid, and Lawrence Kasanoff, the movie starts off showcasing the beauty of Japan in a contagious tranquil visual. One could smell the culture of Japan even without experiencing it first hand and yeah as a fan, knowing what I subscribed for, it was only a matter of time before the action began.

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No matter what your thoughts or feelings towards the Mortal Kombat 2021 released movie (to those who’ve seen it already), I would like to make clear that this review aims to take a human angle in interpreting Greg Russo’s and Dave Callaham’s screenplay. Yeah yeah, I’ve read pungent remarks on the internet that the movie didn’t cut it for fans, as a fan I wasn’t entirely pleased too but how about we flip the script in analyzing it from a much more human perspective. How much of YOU or real-life situation is mirrored in the scenes or any of the character’s storyline?

Cold War:

Any fan of the Mortal Kombat franchise is surely familiar with the cold war between Scorpion and Subzero. However, this 2021 release takes a shift off the major protagonists we know and love (Liu Kang, Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, Kitana), to focus on this rivalry.  Now let’s analyze this cold war strategy; there is a saying “the best defense is a good offense.” It may seem underhanded, but if you want something bad enough, you don’t have to tell anyone. The speed and lack of hesitation in your choices and actions will speak volume. Subzero perfectly embodies this through his cold-blooded nature (all puns intended). The ice-cold assassin strikes hard and fast, contrary to the heroes Jax and Cole Young who are stumbling their way through.

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If you were in a position to hire labor, which would you pick, people who are trying to figure things out or people that know what is at stake and wasted no time in executing tasks? Hence the reason 2-3 years of work experience is usually the core for employment. The first meeting between Raiden’s earth realm defenders and Shang Tsung’s Outworld team shows how world’s apart the both are in preparedness and conviction.

Mortal Kombat (2021) Review: Four Grave Lessons to help you Navigate Life

The Wait:

Patience they say is the gift of the gods; this is best embodied in Sonya Blade’s character. Eager to prove herself to everyone, especially herself, she does not relent or leave when she is told she lacks the mark, and having no Arcana makes her a liability. She patiently waits till a slot opens up, which she gleefully takes. She doesn’t let pride blind her when she is sidelined even though all evidence points to her as the most capable in the teach. In relating to life, most of us tend allow our talents to cloud our reasoning. Yeah sometimes it’ll be too evident that you’re even more talented than your master/boss or people on your team, however, the best approach is not to behave rashly or proud, but remain humble while working for them.

Mortal Kombat (2021) Review: Four Grave Lessons to help you Navigate Life

Learn To Question The Humor:

There’s a saying, “fear funny people”,  they will have you more focused at laughing at their jokes and oblivious to  their hidden intent. There’s something about being funny that makes people excuse you for some nasty or bad traits, but it’s all fun and games until the scales fall off. Kano is a sterling example; in all honesty, he is a toxic and arrogant individual, full of himself but he is one of the people most loved when he appears on the screen. Throughout the movie he overestimates his abilities due to his bloated ego and idea of himself. He is fearless which if analyzed well could be actual stupidity as a complete lack of fear does not let you exercise caution at adequate points when needed, especially as one who overestimates his skillset. Despite schoolings from Sonya and Liu Kang, Kano still sees himself as the baddest man alive and when he strike his evils, it wasn’t funny.

Mortal Kombat (2021) Review: Four Grave Lessons to help you Navigate Life
Click Image to Listen to this Hit Single!!! NO TIME!!!

 

Idle God Syndrome: 

Despite the presence of a god, Lord Raiden, on the earth realm’s side, the characters still fight for their fate. This lesson is prevalent to this day, man is the controller of his fate. Waiting for a divine helper will most times have you waiting while life happens all around you. Earth realm defenders were told to test their might to unlock their arcana during training with Liu Kang and Kung Lao. The same goes for life, to unlock any expertise or knowledge/skill you need to stretch yourself from constant practice and exercise, work hard to show yourself approved rather than wait for magical manna from heaven. Man is designed to push his limits and boundaries, yes pain is usually involved but it turns out worse when we do not challenge ourselves. We end up never having confidence and trusting ourselves when the situation counts for it. Cole, a descendant of Scorpion goes through this process, running away from who he needed to be until he had no choice but to either accept it or be a victim of fate.

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Mortal Kombat (2021) Review: Four Grave Lessons to help you Navigate Life

The 2021 edition of Mortal Kombat in analyzing the scenes and characters from a didactic life angle makes the movie worth the watch. But If you’re bent on spotting the glitches and big errors, it’s most likely going to leave a sour taste in your mouth.

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If you’ve watched the movie, I’ll like to ask what lessons you learned from it. And if you haven’t, which of these lessons resonates with you? Also, you’ll agree I tried hard not to give any spoilers but lol. Let’s talk in the comment section😅👇. 

 

 

 

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7 min read

You see butterflies in my belly, I love them. I love the mystery of what beautiful surprises love brings and when the love turns sour, I find myself still holding on to ‘what’ should have become. I’m holding tight to a lump of hot coal, despite being presented with a choice of ice.  When is it too late to say I quit? 

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I am a hopeless romantic and also a strong believer in love’s power to conquer all, which is why I have been in “the longest unmarried relationship” known to man. I met B in high school, I was that brute of a prefect while she was the beauty and brains. I had never really taken notice of her in any way except as a classmate, not until the day she cried because of me. Her friends ganged up and made sure I went to the library where she cried and consoled her. At that moment, I did more than consoling, I made promises that no one would ever make her cry again as long as I was around.

rejected my proposal
Source- Unsplash

B and I became close and as time went by, our closeness blossomed to something of the nature of a boyfriend and a girlfriend. She was my first kiss, my first tight hug, and my first dry hump. She made me want to write poetry. She didn’t care for them, but I wrote anyway. As we graduated high school, she allowed me to call her “girlfriend” but only to her hearing. No one else must know and I didn’t care. I was elated I now had a girlfriend, my first ever.

When Life Takes the Childhood Innocence Away…

You know as we age, we start to see more challenging sides to life, and our childhood innocence gradually fades. We suddenly want to be more and the most unfair side in all is that what might be more to you, might be as insignificant as a grain of salt to another. I’ve been writing since childhood and the zeal accompanied me to adulthood, I wanted badly to now be a professional writer.

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rejected my proposal
Source- Medium

However, B saw this as unambitious whenever I let her in on my fantasy about a cottage on a hill where I’d live and write on paper, and only step out to civilization when I am out of ink or my belly aches for food. She told me if I cared for a future with her I would pursue a more professional course. She told me how she’d want to marry a doctor, but since I have flair for the arts, I should consider becoming a lawyer and without much thought but thinking on the leverage of how much I’ll give to be with her forever, I immediately fell in love with the idea. 

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I did my poetic writing on the low, while I wrote jamb for a law degree. But Jamb had a very funny way of giving me below 200 on my scores. B told me I lacked concentrations, and I agree. I didn’t want to be a lawyer but still told myself I could do it so that I could finally win her heart. So I quit writing, left my dream of writing for the screens, and tried Jamb for two years subsequently.

rejected my proposal
Source- ABA law student division

I would always imagine the titles “Barrister and Dr Mrs” and it made me smile deeply. Power couple. Though she didn’t get to be a doctor, she became the next best thing, a Pharmacist. As you might have guessed I didn’t become a lawyer, I did even better, I gave up one creative thing for another. I became a  Carpenter. 

The Longer You Date, The more Breakups In Between

Folks who have been in a very long relationship can relate to the fact that in between these long years, there are usually break-up and makeup phases. B and I for one silly reason or the other usually took a lengthy break from each other. 

Amid our breakups, I dated a few girls and she dated a few boys, even kissed some that I knew of. She stayed a virgin, a promise to herself. I lost mine over and over again. On one of such makeups she found that I wasn’t a writer no more but now a woodworker (carpenter). She was disappointed! She didn’t take it well, and when she is mad you’d know. It takes me weeks to heal from her spoken vexations. They are usually venomous but she often means well. However, she told me I could still make it as a lawyer, I was selfish enough to promise I’d become what she wanted. While waiting to become what she wanted, she’ll always get angry whenever I addressed myself as a carpenter and often told me to address myself as an “interior designer” for status sake. But I never listened so it made us drift often.

A Merry-Go-Round Proposal

After 7 years of on and offs, with her pushing me to “better” myself career-wise, I proposed the first time, she said I wasn’t ready. Of course, I wasn’t, I still lived at my mum’s. I proposed the second time, she said despite having an apartment and a few contracts now, that it wasn’t enough, adding that I needed serious job security. She offered to pay for my tuition to study a more serious course that could earn me more money. I declined because I am too proud to accept that in my financial state and then what if I don’t give her the life she wanted.

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So we broke up and made up, yet again. Finally, I agreed, I would quit this thing that I love (carpentry), and leave the country with her and be just what she wants. Half of me wanted this because most of me wanted her, she encouraged me and told me it was for the best.

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 Yet again I proposed this time with a bigger stone. I made sure my right knee did the needful, while I balanced myself on my left knee too. She cried, held my face as I looked at her smile washed down by her tears. And her words were filled with deep emotions as she spoke to me. “I have waited for so long for you to do this right, but I am sorry, others already did it right”.

rejected my proposal

I was so hurt, I got up not knowing how to feel, and as I was about leaving she held me and said “Please don’t go. I am not saying yes neither am I saying no. I am so confused right now, please give me time to pray. Please I beg you, I need just three months to pray”. My feelings defeated, I agreed and left her.

An Overdue Prayer Session and a Precious to Behold

Three months turned to four months, four months turned to lock down, everybody became busy trying to stay alive. A year and two months after my B began to pray, and one day off the blues she chatted me up and said “God said it’s you!”

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I was so excited that I forgot I was broke, how was I to even begin to cater for a wedding? Stupid right? I love B so much and even more despite the long cold wait. I told her I wasn’t financially ready for a wedding and she was angry but gave me time to put my shit in order. Finally, I gathered and ordered the marriage list, but before I could go pick it, came Precious.

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Precious is young, beautiful, intelligent, soft-spoken, and admires me. More importantly, she is so in love with my carpentry and asks me not to change for anyone. In a month of knowing her, she has looked up ways that I can become a better carpenter and it is paying off. She asked me herself if I would marry her, and in something that feels like double jeopardy, I said YES YES YES!

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She wakes me up with prayer messages to remind me that I am more than enough and what exactly she prayed for. I know it’s short timing, but within it, I have felt a kind of love I have never felt before. Love devoid of begging but cherishing. Someone who loves me for me and not the idea of what more I can become. It’s opened my eyes to how much pain I endured with B and I don’t think I want to go feel such pain again.

rejected my proposal

Bear in mind that B rejected my proposal three times, now she’s crying her heart out, saying I am ruining us, especially now that she has told folks that she is gonna be my wife. While Precious tells me that I am the best thing since jollof rice and treats me in ways I have always begged for but never received. I am torn between my promises of a happy ever after to B and a hunger for what Precious feeds me every day.

I finally opened up to B about Precious and she’s been pleading for another chance to make things right. Dear Mutterers, I am so confused. I need your candid advice on what to do. Please leave me your honest comments 👇👇

 

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7 min read

“Is it a sin? Shouldn’t it be just masturbation?” I ask myself these questions every time I feel that sensation inside my vagina. An urge so tingling, I twitch my legs and if I’m seated, I move my buttocks quite mildly but intensely felt in my clit.  I want to touch myself so badly, and the urge only gets higher, making me a slave to it, a slave who wants more.  I look around to see if the coast is clear, without much looking, I find myself in the toilet, trying so hard to quieten my moan whilst I take my fingers in and out of my vagina streets. “Ahhh mmmm ah”, I moan, and pant slowly, suddenly there’s a wet rush streaming out of my vagina. Oooooh, what a mad ass satisfaction. I put my panties on and head to bed, but guess who wakes up? My conscience! How can one be so satisfied yet feeling enormous guilt? Who crowned masturbation a sin?

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If anyone ever told me that I, a Christian girl brought up with gory tales of hellish fire and brimstone when I do as little as stealing a piece of meat from my mama’s pot, would be confessing to masturbation, I would have differed. Not because the fact about me is a lie but because it’s a part of me I intend to continue enjoying in secrecy than tell anyone about it. No one who masturbates openly declares it and even when caught, it becomes the most revered embarrassing moment of our life.

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For Women, Masturbation is a Sin.
Source- Medium

 

My First Sensual Realization

But can you blame this church girl who was raised to believe that spending too much time washing her vagina was a sin worthy of purgatory? My first realization of my sensuality was when I was about 9 and my mother would beat me for dry-humping a pillow. I, an innocent girl who didn’t even know what dry-humping was, received lots of cane, slap, and pepper-in-the-vagina threats many times than I can count from my African mother who believed anything abnormal was spiritual. At that age, I felt the urges, it was a sweet feeling without a name, I had no sex education, and the only way I could appease what I felt was by sliding my vagina on a pillow.

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If you were raised by such a mother you’d likely understand what my experience was like. Need I mention the exorcism events, aka, deliverance sessions when I was forcefully taken to the pastors to get the demon out of me? I loved my mother and she was the most amazing and sacrificial mother when it came to my wellbeing. She was doing motherhood the best way she knew how to but she was blinded to the changes that were occurring during her time. The same way we pretend that child molestation doesn’t happen within our homes or that 1 out of 4 children gets exposed to sex and sexual experiences right from the age of 6. Well, I’m one of such children who can’t tell exactly when I started getting stimulated sexually.

child abuse and masturbation

But as a clueless child, teenager and sister, I saw the confusing images on TV of women on women, men on men, men on women, and other horrifying things that first made my heart pound. After the heart-pounding, my brain gets stimulated so much that I had to practice the overwhelming images in my head. My parents paid no attention however and likewise were ignorant of the erotic magazines my brothers hid between their clothes and the porn they watched with zero volume when everyone was asleep. Well I always pretended to be asleep but made sure to position my head rightly so I could watch too.

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To backtrack a bit, I remember the first time I saw the erotic CDs in the house, my brother had brought them home. I was still a little girl, and on the first scene of bumping into him watching these, I developed a huge shock. The images were so terrifying, I promised to throw the CD’s away without his knowledge. Eventually, I threw them and was severely beaten by him. As time went on, I always bumped into my brother masturbating, I’ll feel irritated but he always wore no remorse. These acts damaged me psychologically, and worse off, I became an addict too.

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I can say I lost my virginity to a pencil or any other object I was using to reach pleasure. I fumbled through teenagehood with frustrated unsatisfactory masturbation and mastered the skill when I neared adulthood.

child masturbation and abuse
Source- Community Care

 

Grown Older…Still Masturbating

My feelings of heavy guilt, shame, a better understanding of the side effects of excessive masturbation, and personal beliefs helped me slow down as I grew older but it’s hard to stop something that grew up with you. It’s like trying to shed your skin. 

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I’ve come to accept some things about myself: that I was awakened early and it’s not my fault. I can’t enjoy sex outside marriage (I’ve tried it, didn’t work), I get horny like every other woman during her ovulation and as an active sexual being, I need to take the edge by touching myself and fingering my vagina. That’s how I get really satisfied, you might conclude I’m addicted to masturbating but I have stopped beating myself up about something I cannot miraculously change. 

Solo Female Masturbation
Source- Motion Porn

 

Masturbation Has Its Perks

The word ‘masturbate’ has been painted so dirty and I think that we should cut loose some slack. There’s a fine side to every bad behavior, masturbation inclusive. It saves me from piling body counts, why have premarital sex when I can easily satisfy myself sexually with my finger or pencil. Ps. I do not advise putting a pencil in your vagina cause that shit is painful as hell. Might not be able to count how many times I’ve masturbated but I can count how much I’ve had sex. In a society where trying to abstain is an up the hill task, masturbation should not be condemned.

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I see a guy I want in my bed, I lose my senses talking to him, and I know myself, if he as much gets in an enclosed space with me, I’ll take his pants off. But guess what brings me to order? Masturbation! The moment I flick the bean, it’s like a scale falls off my eyes, there’s no way in heaven I’ll be wanting him in my bed again. Recently I heard of a close friend who attempted rape, I felt too sorry for him and I thought “if only he had just wanked, I’m sure he would have been able to control himself”.

male masturbation
Source- Medium

Not advising anyone out there to masturbate, no. If you aren’t sexually active, awesome for you! If you masturbate, I don’t think you should beat yourself up too much. Like I said earlier, trying to retrace my steps in adulthood feels like shedding my skin, so I’ll just embrace the perks. I argued with myself on what to tell and what to keep unsaid here but I decided I’ll be as open as possible, especially since there are so many other ‘ladies’ out there like me who can’t share their truth. Emphasis on ‘ladies’ because compared to men, we are more ashamed to say we masturbate. 

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So on a scale of 0-10 how much guilt do you feel when you masturbate? Notice there was no prior question like “Do you masturbate”, cause I know how uncomfortable that question is and I bet that your answer will be a hesitant “No or Yes”. If anything, sharing this part of me on Muttering Minds I believe is a step to make me feel less guilty, and I hope that you are free in telling me about your masturbation experience too. 

masturbation

Are you addicted to masturbation? What were your early experiences like and how is it now? Are you convinced it’s a sin? Also if you broke free from the addiction, I’ll appreciate it if you can let me in on how you succeeded. To the readers who don’t masturbate, I’ll also love to hear your unique opinion about it. Please indulge me,  by leaving your sincere comments and thoughts, by the way, it’s my first time sharing my story on Muttering Minds lol.👇👇

 

 

 

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7 min read

Things are never as they seem especially when you’re not walking in the exact shoes. I wouldn’t want to conclude that we lie through our teeth when we make some affirmations about ourselves, all I’ll say is that exuberance gets the better part of us when we do. Until push comes to shove, we will never know who we really are,  until then, we keep qualifying ourselves with words that sound good, portray us in a fine light, and most apt of all, massage our ego.

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“After my graduation, I am going to marry a beautiful damsel, I’m going to treat her like a queen; I will never cheat on her or lay my hands on her. I am going to so pamper her to a point where people will think she uses voodoo to control me, but I won’t care.” These were the aesthetic words my elder brother used in describing his envisaged marriage to his best friend during a conversation in 1993, I was fortunate to hear them converse and I decided that very moment it was going to be my life too.  But how unfortunate, my elder brother had married three times since 1999.

cheating on my wife

Few months before I got married to my sweetheart less than a decade ago, I told myself that no other woman would have carnal knowledge of me. Cheating was a huge NO for me, I felt too sure I was going to uphold my marriage vows till I’m six feet beneath. However, a few weeks after our wedding, my heartbeat had to jet off Nigeria to head a company overseas, she, unfortunately, wouldn’t be visiting home in about twelve months.

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Oh, I didn’t tell you that I love sex more than food, I easily point out the weakness and lack of skills of many porn stars effortlessly. I am that good. My libido is indescribable. I studied sex. My baby is extremely good too. Now, we were about to leave without it for more than a year, it didn’t look like a big deal because I held our marriage vows sacred and the love we share is precious too.

cheating on my wife (blue balls)
Source- Times of India

However, after many months went by, I started to feel very uncomfortable anytime I got aroused through wet dreams or sensual thoughts; I felt serious pain in my testicles. When a man is aroused, sperm is generated in the testicles and the sperm gathered in the scrotum causes discomfort because they are not released. I took to a habit of masturbation to get rid of the semen out of my system but only a little semen can be released through masturbation. Also, coupled with all the other side effects and the disadvantages of masturbation, I became frustrated and very sex-starved.

The Last Straw

For a while, I still kept on with masturbation because it was the most I could do, I couldn’t tell my wife how I was feeling sexually for fear of distrust with her thinking I might be tempted to cheat. One day, I was out with a female friend in an open space but for some reason, I couldn’t place it, I got aroused in the process, maybe because I hadn’t come that close to a female since my wife traveled. I was having an erection as we spoke and couldn’t bear the pain in my testicles too as I could neither stand nor walk to where I would board a cab. The pain was so much that two people alongside the lady had to come over to help me stand on my feet.

cheating on my wife; Blue balls
Source- YouTube

“Are you sex-starved?” the lady asked me days after the incident while she came visiting me at home. The question made me stutter, I was embarrassed to admit it, apparently, she linked what happened the other day to lack of sex. She offered to give me a blowjob with a stern warning never to touch her because she was a virgin. Somehow the bias of it being just a blowjob and the fact that she was a virgin made it sound cool. I was torn between upholding my marital vows or setting for a blow job.

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“It’s just a blow job, nothing more! Calm down”, I said these words in my mind trying to justify the act; after all, I won’t have to kiss her nor sex her right? I obliged and she seductively unbelted my trouser and got working on my dick. I knew I was cheating on my wife regardless of my zest to justify it as “just a blowjob”.  While she kept taking my dick in and out of her mouth with numerous strokes, I didn’t forget about my marriage vows. I remembered the beauty of my wife and the excellence of our marriage but none of them could stop me at this point. To feel less of a sinner, I at some point imagined it was my wife performing the act, her facials and moan but…

cheated on my wife; blow job
Source- Amazon

THE BEGINNING AND HICCUPS

Truthfully, It was one of the best relievers I had had in a long time; my semen was as warm as pap and I felt better. The act crowned the beginning of my life as a cheating husband because tell you what, I can’t stop even if I tried. And despite showing off my marital status, the ladies I meet still wanted me in bed. 

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Do I feel sad for being a cheat? At the initial stage, I felt bad, but there’s something about committing a sin without getting caught that makes you want to do it over and over. For some weird reasons, it feels like the ladies I usually have extramarital affairs with makes the bond with my wife stronger. My getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere makes  me bug less about her return, all I do is support her with affection over the phone and dish career advice.

cheating on my wife
Source- Shutter Stock

No one ties the knot with a mindset that they are going to cheat, circumstances make people cheat. Maybe I would still be cheating on my wife if the distance wasn’t a barrier because who knows, another factor could have led to cheating. For instance, my best friend married his virgin angel who has a lower libido than him, they created a love-making timetable but the lady would choose to fast and pray the day they ought to make love just to avoid sex. My friend is now an unrepentant cheat.

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Olu, my friend married his sex-freaked girlfriend, they share three children but he loves to have sex with ladies with much better touches. His wife enjoys penetration, she is not really good at oral sex and she doesn’t see why she has to learn it. Today, the beautiful haven they had as a home is now a beautiful past event.

Spit or Swallow - A Blow Job Beginner's Guide to Spitting or Swallowing
Source- Cosmopolitan

Tope, my old neighbor lost his wife to a distant friend because he stopped showering and brushing his mouth before going to bed as he felt it is not really important like it used to be when they were dating. He cried, he begged but he lost her after more than a year of her cheating behind closed doors.

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I also have a lady friend that got married to her first university love and his cheating lifestyle began after two kids. The lady got solace from a male friend that was also broken and the chemistry was irresistible, in the process, she discovered love-making can be heaven on earth; she thus desired much more of it.

 

FINITO!

One bitter truth no one likes to voice is that marriage vows do not stop cheating.  Cheating is not necessarily an absence of love but certainly an absence or presence of some variables. Research tells us that more than 50% of couples felt they married the wrong persons in the first five years of their marriages. Many of them desire divorcé and/or engage in extramarital affairs. Time, events, and unity of purpose are what solidifies marriages, not vows or promises.

Do I think my wife is cheating on me too? Most likely yes! But I’ll be a very foolish man to ask her that question. At some point, she’d have wanted sex and a man gotta do what he gotta do right?

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I decided to share my story here especially for people who think that marriage vows are everything needed to keep a home, and to those who condemn divorcees and write comments on blogs affirming “I don’t care what happens, my own marriage will work”. Interesting! Do you really think these couples didn’t fight to protect their marriage? Do you think they gave up just like that? Only he that wears the shoes knows where it pinches most so I’ll advise you to wait your turn.

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cheating on my wife

Just like I’ve relayed my experience sincerely, I’ll like to ask, can you open up to your spouse or partner if you cheated on them? My wife will be home soon finally, never to be apart and I really want us to work, I want us to start making babies too and I’m thinking the first step should be opening up about my cheat life with hopes that I don’t go back to committing such sin again and also so I don’t feel guilty. Would the best approach be letting her in on my cheat life? If you are in her shoes, would you forgive me?

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Also, I’ll like to ask the married ones reading this, have you ever cheated on your spouse? How did you feel the first time you cheated? If you’ve stopped cheating, how did you manage to navigate back to morality? I’ll appreciate your comments👇👇👇. 

 

 

 

 

7 min read

Rules are slippery, especially the ones we’ve set for ourselves. You hold so hard and because you’re not accountable to no one, it sometimes becomes like a cube of melting ice in your palm, the more you cling to it, the more you lose grip. When it comes to finding attraction, nursing it, and maybe turning it into love, we all have our preferences and barriers, but sometimes these urges treat us like Judas. I used to tell myself that no matter the amount of horniness my body exuded, the office space was definitely out of the question. But hell no, the office space hath no danger like my gasping libido.

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So this very day I was at work and felt the pressing need to pee, I could not use the gents because I was outside the office building so I resolved to make use of a sharp corner outside (typical Nigerian man style). I was completely jolted from my pressure relief as I heard my boss called my name at a very close range. “Romeo! Romeo!” I never heard any footsteps prior to then, perhaps I was too carried away obeying the call of nature and enjoying the soothing relief. 

office romance
Source- Giphy

Still letting out urine, I turned slightly to my left, and behold, my boss stood, lust, watching the size of my dick as it relieved itself. Her gaze made me shocked too that we both stood transfixed staring at each other in a synchronous surprising mood for a few seconds. To make matters worse, I could not bury my dick back into my brief as it all happened in the middle of the shower. She surprisingly stood and watched until the last drop. I jingled the bell and tucked my dick in while acting like it was nothing but an unplanned occurrence. I guess that awakened her consciousness as she breathed and whisked me off to point out a flaw in a work I did earlier. We both acted as nothing happened. 

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My boss is a very beautiful woman who is moderately tall and has a well-built body. We both have a very cordial relationship, we make jokes about almost anything and we both are sort of close. After that day, I could read from her mood around me that she was quite disturbed about the incident. Whatever she had in mind I could not tell but she sure wore a strange countenance. Also, days after the incident, she took an interest in addressing me as ‘big boy‘ and sometimes joked with me saying she is sure my girlfriends are lucky. Well, I didn’t overthink it as we were cordial before what happened and slightly used to have relationship conversations and other topics that transcend workplace stuff, but never did we cross the line of erotic thoughts for each other.

office romance
Source- GreenHouse

OOPS!!!

“Don’t your girls complain of your size?” huh!! I didn’t know the reaction to give on this fateful day when she threw the question from the blues. We had coincidentally closed late from work as I had to finish some jobs that day in her private office space. As expected, two idle minds trying to keep each other company in a silent space, we delved into a variety of topics, sex inclusive.  

Read: Sexual Advances and a Halt in the Milk Flow

The question had my head rotating 360 but gosh! I couldn’t feign ignorance as the nature of our discussion had already laid a foundation for such. I shyly responded “No” without looking her in the eye and this made us both giggle at each other. She then opened up to me about how that incident messed up her day and still sometimes fucks with her head. That moment where someone lets you in on their secret and you gotta play cool so that they feel comfortable, I made her believe it was nothing. “Can I catch a little glimpse again?” Huh?! Did I hear correctly or my ears are messing with me? Did my boss just ask to see my dick?! Wow! I wasn’t sure how to react, putting two and two together wasn’t forthcoming. Should I unzip my trousers? Is this a fucking test? My dick was already giving some tensioning nods inside my briefs. 

Image result for hard erection inside jeans
Source- Daily Mail

The farthest I’ve heard this kind of scene occurred is usually on pornhub (boss sucks and squeezes secretary’s titties after work🤭).  Never thought a day like that would come where I’ll have my share of office romance. While she stared waiting for my next move, I found myself unhooking my belt, I then dropped my boxers, and showed her my dick. The tension in the room became too high, she stared at my dick like she wanted something more. Dumbfounded! my adrenaline was pumping high, I became fully erect. 

Read: When You No Longer Work There

“Wow”, she said, breaking the silence. “Care to touch some?” I responded. At this point she’s seen it all, so I didn’t care if my questions crossed the line. It felt like I could hear her heartbeat loud and clear, she came closer and reached for my dick. From little strokes to very fast ones, my dick got engulfed in a highly pitched massage. Just when I thought she still had a little shyness reserved, she gleefully went down on me with a blowjob. I won’t lie, she good. I saw her transform from the gentle boss I thought she was to a wilding just the way I like it. She demanded I gagged her with my dick pounding in her mouth which I obliged and after a while, I erupted in her mouth. Although she didn’t let me insert in her orifice, I had enough pussy juice to lap on and also tongued her soft rounded ass. What a day! This was the start of our office romance. 

office sex
Source- Dollar Shave Club

Subsequently, we developed the habit of working late hours just to have sex or meeting at secluded places to have quickies. I recollect pounding her on her table, giving her doggy not less than twice in her toilet, and of course, tending to her facesitting fetish which became our routine during foreplay. Anyone who has fetishes would understand the pleasure derived from it. We almost got caught and that was the end of our office sex. Although we still had it one more time after then, we did a whole lot outside the office thereafter.

Should You Have Office Romance?

I’ve seen a lot of folks vehemently rebuke the idea of dating or having a fling with someone in their workspace, department, church, etc. well I also was that way too. However in this case, my boss was actually a switch. She knew how to assume the role of a boss whenever people were around, you could even swear I was her least preferred staff.  We also did not let the romance get into business. We were mature enough to separate the two into parallel lines that never met. 

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office romance
Source- Cutting Edge PR

Office romance 90% of the time is inevitable, it’s the same way you see a random chic in your hood or church and fall in love or play dirty with. And like every relationship has some subliminal rules, one founded in the office should too. My advice to anyone who wants to try office romance is you have to be very discreet and mature enough to handle it. 

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I’ve read beautiful stories of co-workers falling in love and eventually getting married. Likewise, some stories ending in premium tears. In my case, a happy ever after wasn’t the goal though, I really enjoyed my time with her and made up my mind to not be pissed whenever it came to a halt. And yeah it ended,  boss had to fly overseas to further her studies. office romance

Have you ever had a fling or dated anyone in the same workspace with you? How did it turn out? And If you’re averse to having romantic affairs with your colleagues, I’ll like to know why. Also, why is it that office management frowns at love affairs in the workspace? I’m of the opinion that since it involves two adults who know how to effectively go about their daily activities, it shouldn’t be a big deal you know. What do you think? I’ll like to hear your experience and take too in the comment section😅👇.

 

 

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6 min read

Hello Muttering Minds, I feel too broken at heart to say the least and I’m hoping you can share my story…

What is love really? What’s the essence of love if at the end of the day family still has to decide who you should love? What is love if we still have to abide by the rules our forefathers made a thousand years before we were born?

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In 2016, I met this lovely dude, we kicked off as friends and so quickly started to share a special affection for each other. We fell in love without any friction and by mid-2017, we started dating. So much love to give, he’s cool, romantic, and sweetly annoying. Despite our silly fights and challenges, we always have ways of overcoming as a couple.

osu caste
“So much love to give, he’s cool, romantic, and sweetly annoying” ( Pic source- The Grand Home Design)

Dude knows how to tolerate my mood swings which could sometimes cross the border, but we cool. I don’t know if words do justice to how much I am in love with him but it is what it is. We’ve been through low blows, tear-jerking moments and for a fact, he makes me believe in the existence of true love that I cannot help but imagine spending the rest of my life with him. He’s a romantic.

Read: Finding Your ‘Spec’ and the Flipsides

At last year’s crossover (2020), I got to meet his family. Prior to the time, I usually felt nervous over the thought of “meeting the family” (I guess it’s normal). I always imagined most importantly if they’d like me, how to behave, you know these horror mother-in-law stories we hear. But his is different. The few days I spent with his family felt like I had known them for ages. The love was so genuine, it wasn’t one of those where you can smell pretense, No! I felt really welcomed. I could tell that love lives in his family. 

osu caste system
“I could tell that love lives in his family” (pic source- Yes! Magazine)

Fast forward to meeting mine to discuss marriage… My man also had the same phobia, he decided seeing my mum first will be best as he believes she could talk on his behalf to my dad first. According to him, most fathers are usually not arms open at the first meeting, which I agreed to. Fortunately, he found favor in my mum’s eyes, she thought he was cool, so we decided to climb the step further to meet my dad.

 

The Shocker!

My man visited home and got talking with my dad. I hail from the eastern part of Nigeria, I’m Igbo, and precisely from Imo state likewise my man. In my culture, when a man comes to seek a lady’s hand in marriage (popularly called ‘knocking on the door’), asking where he’s from, his origin, is a primary question.

Read: Scary Tales About Marriage; Should the Union Have An Expiry Date?

My dad inquired about his roots, the name of his village, and stuff. As soon as he mentioned the name of his village, my dad’s facial expression became sour. “We do not marry from this place! We do not marry your people, it is an abomination!”, my dad said without remorse, adding that he would make further investigation again about my man’s village.  It happens that my man is an Osu (outcast).

osu caste system
“My dad’s facial expression became sour” (image source- It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

 

Osu Practice In Igbo Land

If you’re not Igbo (even some Igbo’s don’t know this), the Osu caste system is as old as the Igbo tradition. The origin dates back to the era where Igbo villages were ruled by the laws of the earth Odinani. The deity known as Ala had some rules that must be obeyed (just like a country has its constitution). Those who broke any of these rules or were found guilty of grave offenses were cast away from the land as it was believed their presence will bring ill fortune to the village. The offenders were regarded as Osu. Sometimes the Osu’s could be used as slaves or sold for slavery or enslaved in shrines to serve the deities ruling the land and also if the community needed a human’s blood sacrifice for cleansing or during festivals, the Osu’s were used. Osu’s were also deprived of homes and made to sleep in shrines or marketplaces.

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Image result for osu caste system images
Pic Source- Gospel Blaze

The Osu’s were not allowed to have social interactions let alone marriage with the freeborns (non-offenders) as they are considered as bad luck. It is fondly said that whenever a freeborn marries an Osu, his/her life turns around for the worst. In modern times, some Igbo traditional rulers like the Obi of Onitsha in October 2018, made a move to ensure the Osu caste system is abolished. Also, some traditional leaders in Oguta Local Government filed a motion to end the madness, urging that people do not deserve to face the wrath that comes with the sins of their age-long ancestors. I also read somewhere that Nnamdi Azikwe while he was alive moved a motion for the abolishment in 1956 in the Eastern Nigerian House of Assembly but it was a fruitless motion.

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Image result for osu caste system images
Pic Source- Medium

So far, some parts of Igbo land claim it’s no longer practiced but a greater number still hold it highly even though modernization has quenched the loudness surrounding it.

osu caste system

I’m Broken

Imagine one person in your lineage committed a crime as far back as a thousand years ago and you still suffer the punishment/ discrimination in this 21st century. I’m broken, I’m confused, and I feel too hurt. My dad has refused to give ears to whatever concerns marriage to my man despite my man saying his family is not one.

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I feel depressed, betrayed, frustrated, and for the most of it, unloved by my family. My mother who described my man as cool no longer sees him as such, my three sisters except one have also turned their backs against me. They keep fuelling the fire urging that I must end the relationship with my man otherwise I will bring curses upon our family. I never imagined I was going to face something this grave. My man doesn’t mind going all out to ensure we get married. His family is also very welcoming and wants me but not without my father’s blessings.

osu caste

What should I do? Should I follow love and face the consequences of being disowned forever by my family? Or follow family and lose love? I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love my man, I cannot process the thought of letting go and starting all over. Imagine a whole four years down the drain, It’s suicidal, I find it hard to process.

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I need help. If you’re reading this and have ever been at crossroads in deciding if to choose love or family (on the grounds of religion or culture), I need your advice. Maybe you’re an Osu too or you got married to one, please talk to me. Did anything bad happen to you? I need help, I can’t make this decision on my own. Do family blessings matter in a marriage? Is a father’s blessing important or overrated when it comes to marriage? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I’ll appreciate your sincere comments. 👇👇

 

 

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8 min read

If you lose your voice at a pharmacy while requesting to purchase a condom or contraceptive because of how embarrassing you think it is, now imagine trying to purchase a pregnancy kit and thereafter requesting an abortion. It’s a blend of too many ugly emotions; you automatically feel you’re a walking disgrace especially knowing you are unmarried. And not excluding the unfriendliness of the medical practitioners in this part of the world who rather than carry out their job decides to play the role of a moral watchdog to your conscience.

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The thought of abortion, talk more of carrying out the act, has since time past raised a lot of eyebrows and this makes me even more aware that my story will also trigger your brows up too (but I hope you don’t judge me, at least not too much).

abortion
Source- Light House

A new month was close to being over and I hadn’t seen my period. I was sexually active but since I’ve been careful for as long as I recall, I refused to accommodate any cause for alarm. But it started to feel like the month was watching me feel all relaxed, so it started to speed off. I became scared, I tried to recall my sexual escapades…” But I used a condom or didn’t I?”. Oh God! I fondly exclaimed anytime the thought of pregnancy crossed my mind. I began to beg God that if he takes the imagined pregnancy away, I’ll never have sex again in my life. The paranoia I felt praying for my period was intense. I begged God that even if it came with so many cramps, I wouldn’t mind, gosh! Anything to see my period at that time.

After a fruitless wait for my period, some weird symptoms became very noticeable in my body. I shoved it away and tagged it as my mind playing tricks but deep down I knew there was something wrong. I got into another phase of contemplating the shame and rehearsing how to walk into a pharmacy with a stone-cold face and purchase a pregnancy test kit so I’ll know the way forward.

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Early Symptoms of Pregnancy abortion

I had been having sex with my ex, I know right! I bet your eyebrows just raised a bar. But it’s been hard to let go and to cut the story short, it’s very COMPLICATED. I let him in on how I had been feeling for a few weeks and the clown was happy. He wanted me to keep the baby if I confirmed it and agreed to make us official.

                                                                 

Finding Out and Contemplating an Abortion…

My greatest nightmare came true, I was pregnant. The stripe test read positive ooo and tell you what, it was the fifth one, I was so in denial that I kept purchasing different brands of test kits until I finally accepted the truth.

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The smile, the rage, and fear I had swirling around inside me. I was legit laughing, crying, and shaking. Apart from being mentally and financially unfit to mother a child, MY MUM!!!! She’ll kill me. The news of a coming child is good but the circumstances surrounding it can make it bad. Getting pregnant out of wedlock too wasn’t part of the plan.

Abortion pregnancy scare

Breaking the news to my ex that I was three weeks gone, he was happy but I wasn’t having it. “I’m not keeping the baby, I need funds to have an abortion”, I said to him crying. He got so pissed, sad, and was for a while speechless. He’s rich, hardworking, and handsome and the ideal man most ladies dream to have in their lives, so fending for a baby wasn’t his problem. But I cannot! A child in my life right now will ruin and halt too many things that involve climbing my career ladder. Again I have this phobia for marriage (a close example is that of my parents), it will be terrible enough to get into it for the sake of a child, and no way in God’s name will I take on the title of a baby mama either.donate a penny abortion

Despite trying to persuade me and refusing to send me the money, my mind was still bent on an abortion. Hello!! It might be your baby I’m carrying but it’s my body we’re talking about here, I can’t keep this child. After more back and forth, he sent the money but refused to follow me to the hospital.

abortion
Source- Pulse Nigeria

My Search Journey for a Coded Ultimate Solution…

Talking about abortion like I mentioned earlier is taboo, so I became very careful about who to talk to. I asked very few friends who had at one point or the other in prior conversations made mention of knowing someone who knows someone that has used certain drugs or had done a D & C abortion surgery.

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I finally got a name of a particular drug to purchase but all the pharmacies I visited in my neighborhood succeeded in making me look foolish. It was either no response or an unclear one accompanied by a judgmental stare. I got tired and began to read up on pills on Google and this even made me weaker. It mostly hinged on the complications especially in cases of having leftovers. Also reading that aborting via drugs was a slow process and I needed to have someone by my side for the first three days became discouraging. I needed to get rid of it once and for all.As Abortion Restrictions

I left home to avoid any suspicion from my mum to a friend’s place who I eventually opened up to. I really thank God I did cause asides that she was so caring, she happened to have a link to a doctor who knew about D & C operation. I spoke to the doctor over the phone and after a series of confidential questions, he scheduled an appointment.

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During the appointment, a scan was recommended so as to know the location of the fetus. The scan detected a thick form developing already but the lab attendant advised that I waited till after 2 weeks before they could see anything. “TWO WEEKS!!” I laughed quite dangerously, it’s like he missed the memo, he thought it was a blissful phase for me. Hell no! I took the scan result to the doctor immediately who advised me to run a blood test to be sure, well it still came out positive.

pregnancy blood test abortion

“Miss ******, you’re pregnant, what do you want to do now?”, lol, these people must think I came here for laughs. That was quite some humor though, the doctor got some sarcasm. “You don’t want to keep it, why now? didn’t you know when you were enjoying yourself?” oooh! Now he’s beginning to act as my assistant conscience. I thought we already discussed this? Long story short, after proper checks and documentation, and advice that I get an IUD afterward, we proceeded for the abortion which was successful but not without terrible pains.

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 About the IUD… it’s a form of family planning. A copper IUD was inserted into my uterus. It’s a small t-shaped coil with a rope that was cut a little but I can still feel it whenever I insert my finger in my vagina. I’m grateful the doctor introduced that to me actually because these days you really cannot put all your trust in condoms. He also noted the IUD cannot prevent infection.

The coil (IUD) abortion
IUD Coil (Image source Net Doctor)

 

The Disturbing Images and Guilt After…

When I mentioned ‘not without terrible pains’, it’s no joke. I had never felt so much pain before in my life. The pain became a pain even in my memory. For a long time, I couldn’t get over the images of him sticking a device into my vagina to suck out the pregnancy blood. Gosh! I screamed in tears, I wish I was given anesthesia because the pain was terrible. I for one resolved it was the punishment I had to bear. He kept sticking this big device in, pumping and pumping while all I could do was scream repeatedly.

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My memory wouldn’t let go of the result of all he pumped out. He presented it to me before disposing of it like he knew it would hunt me later. For a while, my mind kept playing tricks that there was a half-formed baby inside the pool of blood. Lowkey, I was depressed.

Depression after abortion

I had no doubt about wanting an abortion; I felt it was my best choice. But however afterward, the guilt hits. I felt too much guilt, especially the day I went to church and my pastor made a call on women seeking the fruit of the womb. The numbers had me cringing; “see people looking for kids and I took my own away”, the guilt slapped so hard. Thanks to my friend who talked me out of it, according to him the devil is trying to mess with my mind and I mustn’t give in.

donate a penny abortion

But should abortion be tagged as a sin? I couldn’t fend for a child, so I had to get rid of it. I felt so messed up recalling all the anti-abortion Christian talks and morals from elders. But wouldn’t it have been crueler for me to birth a baby and be negligent towards its need? More than guilt, I feel more relief knowing I’m not pregnant (yet). If you ask me, I’ll say that abortion should be legal in every country and more open for discussion rather than in secrecy. Although legalizing it might welcome more promiscuity, but I’m certain it will help reduce the population of starving kids as well as incompetent parents.

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abortion muttering minds

To the ladies reading my story, have you ever had an abortion? Did you suffer from guilt afterward?  What were your coping mechanisms? Also, what will do if you wanted an abortion and the father of the baby refuses? To the men, have you ever been at crossroads in getting your lady to have an abortion or not? Generally, I’ll love to know your sincere take on abortion. Thank you Muttering Minds for allowing me to share a part of my maybe ‘ugly’ past (depends on your view). Please I’ll appreciate your comments and maybe advice👇👇.

 

 

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7 min read

Sexuality is one of the biggest parts of who we are, it’s a key part of our characteristics that goes a long way into defining our personhood. Your sexuality is like your shadow, you can quench the light to avoid a clear image, but it wouldn’t stop following you everywhere you go. It is part of you.

About a month ago, I read a story on this blog about a lady who narrated how she skipped becoming a lesbian, my story is similar, not skipped, but dipped in a lezzy puddle… I am a lesbian.

lesbian in Nigeria muttering minds
Source- Pitzer College

From the moment I became 9-years-old, my parents started to become insecure because of my rapid growth, I was full in my chest, curvy, and looking sexually attractive for my age. They decided an all-girls school would save me from boys and unnecessary distractions, so my schooling was immediately processed to a missionary school; the holier the better I guess. I was advised to study hard only.

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You know how it is, getting to a new environment, you wanna know what really goes down in Las Vegas. The first orientation I got was tales of how senior students would try to lure junior students to sleep with them. Being inquisitive, I wondered how it would feel like laying with the same sex, I was young and wasn’t even nursing any sex drive. There were some targeted seniors whose names were mentioned to me as lesbians so I had a close gaze fixed on them.

lesbian in nigeria muttering minds
Source-Refinery29

One day during siesta, I decided I wasn’t going to sleep, luckily or maybe unluckily for me, I found these sets of seniors in an enclosed space making out. I could have run off to my room and pretended like I never saw a thing but instead I watched to a point where I got so aroused. Since the incident, I’ll reminisce on all they did and get even more aroused. That memory and feeling lived with me, the more I tried to suppress it, the more I yearned to replicate it with my girlfriends.

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In my JSS 2, my craving for girls became stronger. I heard of how people were caught in the act so I was scared to try or think about it. My school was a missionary school but I saw lots of nasty things girls do. In my JSS 3, a senior approached me to be friends but I declined because everyone knew she was a lesbian. I mean she could have been one in secrecy, I wouldn’t mind, but getting along with someone stale would let my caged cats out of the bag to the whole school.

lesbian in nigeria
Source- The Guardian

There’s this bonding category thing we did in school then,  we get to pair ourselves up for example as PALs(PERSONAL Admirable Lover), SALs (secret admirable lover), a class friend, a JAF(Just A Friend), and even vals during valentines day. This made me have access to different girlfriends for several purposes.  They knew my intention but were scared to try anything out rather we’ll give ourselves pecks, jokingly touched each other’s breast and emphasized how soft, small or big it was.

Read: Men Talk! How to Get Rid of Boners in Public

In my SS1, we were mixed with seniors in the hostel and as fate would play, the senior that tried to toast me in Js3 was in my room. She began sending me love letters which had a way of sparking up my sensual appetite, I looked forward to them. 

lesbian in nigeria
Source- Inspirationfeed

One night, she asked me to sleep on her bed, I agreed. She made attempts to touch me, I refused yet agreed to a kiss. It was my first kiss! It felt good, I wanted more but held back. Unluckily for me, my school mother who was in the same class with her somehow found out we spent the night together and came to accuse me of being a lesbian. I denied it. From there, the gist raised so much dust in the school and without hearing me out, my senior lover broke up with me. My first heartbreak! I was hurt! I cried so much! I pleaded for a comeback, but she was totally done with me. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, her smell, towel, beddings, and how soft her skin was even though we didn’t smooch. I wish we actually did.

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Well, much later that year, I got close to one of my mates who was very much sexy. I remember vividly our first encounter up the bunk where we talked about sex and one talk lead to another, she asked to make out with me, to which I agreed. When everyone was asleep, she started touching me, it felt so good. I turned to her and we kissed intensely, she touched my breast and smooched my body. I couldn’t help but cooperate, I had never felt that way before. The sensual urge made me feel so wet and then she fingered me countlessly which I enjoyed even more. 

That night opened my eyes going forward. I wanted more of that feeling, I wanted to be around females who looked like they wanted to experiment, I became less apologetic about lesbianism, and couldn’t wait to get out of school.

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lesbian in Nigeria

LEAVING SCHOOL & BEYOND

Leaving school was a different ball game entirely, all the girls I met were all talking about one male crush or the other, the sex adventures they looked forward to, and worse off, I discovered that the outer world was even more hostile about lesbianism. It became more scary and shameful to talk about my sexuality.

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I pressured myself into having a relationship with a male, just to be sure there was nothing wrong with me. We had good sex but believe me, it wasn’t as great as the lady I had been with. To enjoy the sex, I’ll imagine I was sexing a lady, her eating me out, sucking my boobs until my nipples turn red and more… all these imageries to get me to enjoy my time with a man. Maybe I am bisexual, just maybe…all I know is I prefer anything sensual with females.

lesbian in Nigeria

Luckily for me one time, I reconnected with my high school lover, that chic, and we had the most erotic bedroom adventure ever. Asides from the romance, the emotions, getting to hold a lady after such a long time, looking into her eyes and stuff, felt like magic. That moment gave me the closure I needed on my sexuality. I accepted that I am a lesbian and there was nothing I could do about it other than to live with it.

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Although It’s hard to find lesbians who come out open in Nigeria, because of the stigma, we connect through groups online and so far I have met a handful of amazing lesbians. Sometimes if it’s my lucky day, I get approached by a lady. Somehow I feel scared that I might have to bend for society someday because I wanna get married and have kids. So far the men I’ve met and opened up to about my sexuality appeared cool but marriage might not be easy. I have this idea of having a threesome with my husband, I think I can stomach it that way.

lesbian in Nigeria

On this note, I’ll like to add that the world is unfair to my kind, especially in Africa, Nigeria. Sex is one of the most popular topics discussed on a daily, yet it is truncated. How do you ask a person their opinion about sex without asking them about their sexuality? This should go hand in hand. Straight people enjoy sex talk until you let them in on your secret and then they make you feel creepy about it. What’s so creepy about being a lesbian or bisexual? How hard is it for straight people to understand that just the same way they cannot explain how they arrived at their sexuality, it’s the same for others? 

Read: Hypocrites! Homosexuality Is Not A Crime

Even though my profession will not permit me to identify with my sexuality, I hope that one day LGBTQ is made legal in Nigeria. Being bisexual, gay, or lesbian in Nigeria is not something that should be a secret, it’s something we should be bold about, we are humans too and deserve equal treatment. There are many LGBTQ persons in Nigeria, it could be your sister or your little brother who’s always by himself, seeming depressed and with low self-esteem. This, to say the least, is what suppressing sexuality does to a person, it’s suicide.

Let me ask you, in a world that’s homophobic if your child told you they were gay or lesbian, what would you do? I’ll also love to hear your candid opinion on homosexuality in Nigeria and if you are not straight, please feel free to leave me an insight on your sexuality discovery and journey. How did you get there? when did you discover YOU? And so far how’s it been?  The admin assured me here is a safe place, hence a partly motivation for sharing my story, I look forward to your comments. 👇👇

 

 

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9 min read

Hehehehehehe😁…laughter not too funny yet funny☺…Shall we? So this is our first virtual court case on Muttering Minds where both warring parties don’t get to see yet debate tooth and nail on my proposed topic, weighing the odds and bright sides from their personal biased view😉.

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Shall we? Is age really just a number especially when it comes to relationships or a sour lime we painstakingly shove past our throat under the aegis of “live and let live”🤔? Ladies, would you for any reason accommodate yourself in a relationship with a younger guy? Men, how attractive are older women for an item before they get like rotten bananas and are disposed of😏? 

older the berry

Source- Red Bubble

First Hearing (MEN🤤)- Representative Brawn

The older the berry, the sweeter the ***** (fill the gap🤤). Older women have always fascinated me since my teenage years. Their poise and psychological makeup are unmatched. And dammit she got big titties🤤🤤…O dear Delilah, just come and ride my horse however you please while I get hypnotized by those not pluckable yet suckable oranges as they bounce through left🥵, right up and down while my pupil tries to keep up a steady gaze and my tongue lusts to taste the areola🥵🥵.

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Older women are not caught up in childish games these smelly young girls are fond of🤮. They aim at their prey and fire the shot. My first sex experience was with an older lady; it’s one worthy of hitting the Guinness record because dear mama took me on a whirlwind of romance and aggression🥵🥵. I felt like a pro, I can imagine having that with a girl my age and looking for the clitoris or vagina🙄. I bet she’ll laugh and then go over to tell her folks how slow I am😖. Older women don’t care, they teach you how to worship them🤤🤤.

the older the berry

I met an older chic during my WAEC examination, that was my first encounter. She was my first target after a series of fantasies and alas faith brought us together🙈. She stood out beautifully to an extent all the boys wanted her. We sat closely for two weeks but never spoke yet every night I’ll fantasize about the shape of her butt🙈🤤.

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I was too shy to approach her and as though nature wanting to play unfortunate cards, my close friend started telling me about how much he’s been crushing on her😖. There was too much joy written all over his face, would this mean me respecting the bro code? Well, we’ll see about that. The next day he came over to my class and tried talking to her and that’s how I got involved🤣🤣. Like such a moment where your friend brings a babe and you suddenly become the comedian🤣🤣. I laughed at him in my mind yet acted like I didn’t know what game I was playing🙃.

older the berry
Source- Artland

I and the barbie got along, it was a rare connection. Tell you what, she’s also been low key feeling the boy for a while😎. She knew my name, birth date, and added that we share the same birth month but different years. I was shocked because, despite the long tail difference in age, she accommodated my friendship☺.  

Read: Let’s Play a Game… Fetish or Obsessions?

To cut to the chase, she asked me out. Such bravery! And she didn’t die o😌. We kept the relationship on a low and since she was my seat partner nobody suspected. If you’ve watched “A Fall From Grace”, that was how everything went (excluding the scam🤗). She was all colors of romantic, and the sex like I described earlier was the bomb🧨. Unfortunately, we lost communication after the exams because my phone caught a fever and my not so darling friend who still remains pissed about what happened in the ’90s blatantly refused to give me her number🤣.

the older the berry
Source- Juliet Allen

It was all fun while it lasted though. Call me strange, but I sometimes feel I am living way above my age especially in my love life😉. She raised the bar for me and since then I get entwined with older women. I’ve tried girls my age but nahhhhh🤮, they seem to mess it up one way or the other especially with silly demands (begi begi FC🙄).

Read: Am I the Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Hmmmmmm so would I get married to an older woman🤔? Well, this is tough. Asides that it’s hard to find an older woman who can throw caution to the wind and tell society that she’s in love with a young man old enough to be her son, childbearing comes to mind too😖. I love kids and there’s this thing I heard about older women not being able to have kids when they turn 40. I stand corrected🙈.

the older the berry or
Source- Self.com

Also, the imagined screams of my mother saying “Abomination!!! Abomination!!!” 🤣🤣the moment I dare introduce a woman twice my age as a wife🤣🤣. And again, would she accord me due respect as the man of the house? *Covers face*. At the end of the day, I’ll be back to marrying one of these younger ladies who think they know it all🥺🤨. The older the berry, the sweeter the juice… but this particular juice is like munching on sugar cane, sapping the juice, and throwing the shaft away😪. Unfortunately, the joy doesn’t last, especially in this part of our world🥺. However, until marriage calls (that’s if it ever will😌) I’ll be on my grind cruising on matured titties of older women🤤. Until then…

 

Second Hearing (Women🤯)- Representative JULES

“Jules, I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said to me pleading and sober. Nah, this is a pretentious act to get me to accept his foolery huh🙄? “What if I hadn’t subconsciously glanced through your International Passport guy🤯?” Finding out his real age on that green sheet made me swore I had dyslexia,  that’s how much I trusted him🧐.

Whaaaatttt! I’ve been dating a younger male for four months and I freaking had no clue🤯.

“I thought you were okay with dating a younger male?”, my girlfriend asked in response to my lamentations🥺.

the older the berry
Source- The Mother Hen

I’ve always been of the idea that it doesn’t matter who’s older in the relationship, so long as there’s an understanding and love, as the heart chooses who it accepts and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you know it’s easier said than done🤨. Liesssss oooo🤨🤨. Experiencing it first hand is a different ball game entirely😪. 

Read: Maybe it’s Saner to Hide your Real Age or…

“Wait babe, you mean to tell me I’m two years older than you are when all the while I’ve been thinking you’re 3years older than me?” Ah🤯, Julesbaeby you’ve hit the bottom rock🏽‍♀️ men will always embarrass you no matter their age tueh🤮! I felt abused, by a minor for that matter and this wasn’t a good feeling at all😵.

the older the berry
Source- Hunter and Bligh

Love hits differently for a lady when she realizes her heart craves the attention of a man younger than she is. Staying strong for me, I let go of the idiot🙄, bearing in mind to always enlist age as a first date question with proof of birth of course😂! You see the beard gang members especially, do not be deceived by the number of hairs fallowing under their jaws and across their chins, it’s a facade😂😂. Most of their ages are not even up to a fraction of the hair strands you see. ASK THEIR AGE O!😂😂

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It seems like the idiot forgot to close the gate on minors after he vanished as more began to flood me afterward🤧. “She’s a small girl, let me shoot my shots”… perhaps there’s nothing cute about owning a small body otherwise how would this dunce I’m ten years older than have the courage to profess decayed love to me😩😩?

the older the berry
ASK THEIR AGE!

Did I really learn my lessons? 

Fast forward>>>>> I got introduced to this handsome well built young man after a series of failed relationships😣. 

Please pay attention…

My first conversation with him was magical and I thought, “this is it!”. But as a Lagos girl who prides in being chased by a man🙃, I took my time to let things play out while observing due protocols like daily checkups, (as per doctor😂), mushy texts, and sharing food of course😜. Meanwhile, I was flashing green lights like a traffic warden “Brother ask me out now, let me just say YES🤣🤣”.

Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever you are Dating Owes You!

One day, I saw “In case you’ve been wondering who my heart beats for🏾” captioned on a post he made on his WhatsApp status🙈, I immediately reached for my medicated lens to be sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me as to whom the caption was referring to. His next post read “Happy nerdy birthday to the LOML”.Then I paused and thought aloud🤔, “I’m a nerd, but today’s not my birthday, is this a prank😩?”, and then boom the face was revealed. I swallowed my greenlight at that point and didn’t care if it’ll choke me😵😖.

the older the berry

I caught myself typing “Happy birthday to bae”, and NO! I didn’t mean that at all, “You’re a mother fucker” was what I intended to type😩.

I stopped communicating with him afterward, till karma brought him to me unannounced at an event. We got along well enough and I realized I still had a soft spot for him🙃, up until we had the dreaded age conversation and it was revealed I was 6years older🤯.

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“Whaaaatttt!!! child abuse!!!”. We had already done some tasty lip-locking🤮, monkey bed adventures🤮, nothing short of a love cruise😵. Where do I begin to end this menace🥶? Maybe this was why he introduced me to “The Men’s Club” series, he must have known of the age gap all along and was hoping I could be his Mrs. Lawson. Well, too bad my laws will not harbor any supposed son as a lover. Never😖! 

older the berry

No doubt Frank is a very nice and sweet guy but the age difference is terrifying😭. I weighed our communication wave since we met and realized I have been more of a mother figure than a lover😤. I carried his emotional baggage, gave him the best advice and I’m sure lowkey I served as his tutor to loving his girlfriend even more😡. That moment when you dish smart advice to someone and they flip the table when you are not there like they are the ones who came up with it😤. I know that nigga did that. Maybe a subliminal action from him but that’s what comes with dating a minor as a lady🤮. 

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Putting a “JUST GOOD BUDDIES” tag on Frank was a good decision for me. Ain’t nobody being a rehab or mother figure😌, I’ll rather be buried six feet with my feelings, cold and single still😌. Ladies! If you think you can deal with dating a younger male, I don’t know how you do it, but I don’t want to learn🛀.

older the berry

Your Verdict

*Coughs*🤣🤣…Ladiessssss…do you agree with your representative; darling Jules😄? Guyssssss did your guy Brawn make any sense😌? Is age really a number especially when it involves romantic relationships? Let’s talk. As a lady, would you date a younger man for any reason? And what’s the age difference you can accommodate😃? If you’ve had such an experience, it will be interesting to fill us in about how it went down☺…or how it’s going😉. To the men, let’s know your sentiments toward older women in a relationship🤓. 

Despite meeting a series of guys who’ve said to me that they prefer older ladies, I have never met a lady who openly says that she loves them young😏. So who are the ladies dating younger guys🤔? Perhaps it’s much fun in secrecy huh🤭? This is a fun topic… let’s discuss in the comment section. Shall we?👇👇

 

 

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