Ad
Author

Mutterers Club

Browsing
7 min read

Do you often sit and reflect on the many religious practices we have in the world? When I do sometimes, I get a headache. My mind finds itself second-guessing the essence of Christendom, You know why? It is because some bigots who share this same religion with me act in a lethal manner and it makes me sick🤢.

One time, I came across a post on social media where a guy was lamenting that his mum was given Sallah meat by their neighbor, she accepted the meat and went into the kitchen to re-fry it with ‘anointing oil’🤨. I was aghast by such a narrative. I dug deeper into the comment section and the majority of the feedback got me worried about we so-called Christians.

Church shock

Some actually applauded his mum for being kind enough to re-fry, unlike them, they would throw away theirs or feed it to the dogs. Why would you accept the meat when you know you wouldn’t eat it? Or wait a minute, let me cut loose some slack. I know it can be hard to say NO when someone offers you something on the spot, especially given the occasion but rather than throw it away why not give it to someone who has nothing to eat? Most so-called Christians claim they love giving but find it hard to make an effort to give.🤦‍♂️

Read: Do you Believe in Destiny or Multiple Storylines?

Then I stumbled on an interesting comment where a lady narrated that her mum gave her Sallah meat to throw away but she didn’t, instead she hid the meat inside the freezer, a few days later, she prepared a delicious soup with it and served it to her mum. After her mum finished eating, she then told her where the meat came from. Her mum was devastated😂😂 but there was nothing she could have done, she already ate the meat, neither did she die as a result of it. How hilarious!😂😂

Sharia vs. the gospel - Islam - WORLD
Source- World News Group

THE SUPERIORITY OF LOVE

If you are familiar with the bible stories, you can recall that in Matthew 22:37-40, When the disciples asked Jesus of the greatest commandment in the law, he replied to them saying that the first is to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. The second is to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Now here’s the interesting part, in verse 40, Jesus said “And the law and prophets hang on these two commandments”.

Read: Sundays, for Fashion, not Sermon

This means that whatever law was given to Moses hovers around these two. And in my opinion, is greater than whatever your pastor or reverend says also. My reference to the church heads is deliberate because the majority of them stir the foundation for these religious wars. 1 Corinthians 13, 4-5, puts that “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

How many church leaders can boast of exercising these qualities of love fully? 🤷‍♂️Among fellow Christians and even towards the ones we tag as ‘non-believers’ (Muslims).

Christians church shock
Source-Eskispaper

THE SUPERIORITY OF CHURCH DENOMINATIONS

While I reflected on why we fail to love and condone Muslims or other non-Christians in ways that are right as the bible preaches, it dawned on me that the possibility of achieving it is a far cry away. You ask why? It is because we have failed to love ourselves well enough to extend it. Rather than love, we prefer to butt-heads over the superiority of church denominations. As evidently seen, It is a case of “my church is better than yours”. Here’s a subtle peek of what goes on.

GIRL A- Hey😃, my church is having a retreat, I’ll love you to attend.

GIRL B- Nah, I’ll pass, my pastor says it’s not right to worship somewhere else😑. Besides, I don’t understand why the ladies in your church do not cover their hair.🤧

Christians
Are Christians reading the same bible?

There’s so much conflict surrounding Christianity that unity has become lost in space. While some denominations believe that it is okay for females not to cover their hair while praying, some preach to cover every strand of hair even the ones elapsing the forehead region. Some emphasize the importance of attending church service barefoot while wearing a white garment, some welcome the fancy attires. And it brings one pertinent question to mind; Are Christians reading the same holy book at all?🤷‍♂️

 

THE ROOT OF DISUNITY IN CHRISTIANITY 

If we want to address the conflict surrounding Christianity, we should start with the numerous translations in the Bible. As much as these translations were made for a better understanding of Christians, the omitted words and new words being added has watered down the genuine message of the Bible. For instance, the discrepancy between King James Version (KJV) and the New international version (NIV). Here’s an example;

Luke 4:4(KJV) says;  “man shall not live by bread alone but by every word of God

Luke 4:4 (NIV) says; “man shall not live by bread alone”

The other part of the sentence which should be the most important was omitted.

Christians bible translations
The omitted words and new words being added has watered down the genuine message of the Bible.

Another example is from the book of Acts;

Act 8:37 (KJV) says “And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.”

Act 8:37 (NIV) was totally omitted from the Bible.

Is there a reason for these omissions? Is it intentional? Or an honest mistake?🤦‍♂️ These omissions have totally changed the message these individual chapters are trying to pass across and this will create a different perception amongst Christians. One would begin to wonder, which version do we adhere to? 🙅‍♂️

Read: Was it a Miracle or by Force?

Another root cause of conflict in Christianity is the founding fathers or so-called General Overseers. “My pastor said”…”My reverend said”. If we claim we serve the same God, why does a so-called GO refuse to bless the marriage of a sister in church who’s set to wed a brother from another denomination? Why must the marriage be crowned on the basis of conversion?💁‍♂️There are tons of distasteful rules and church shocks pertaining to church denominations that make an average Christian feel lost.☹

Christians church shock
“My pastor said”…”My reverend said”. Image source- Fast Company

You might wanna argue that people ought to know God for themselves, while I will agree to an extent, it is also important to note that there is a tendency for the mind to be gullible or better put yielding to those we hold in high esteem. No matter how learned you are, you fall sometimes and it’s the same with Christians. We trust our Pastors enough to walk behind them with our eyes closed. Just like the school system where we trust our lecturers completely to instill knowledge.

 

UNTIL THEN…

Humanity is by far the greatest religion but I am afraid Christians will never be able to enjoy the benefits so long as there is the barrier of denominations and conflicting tutelage. The Muslims we castigate have unison in their worship, this should tell us something. Until we ditch denominations, until a Christian is able to walk into any church to worship, until we adopt a single bible version…until these can be fixed at least, then we might be able to love ourselves genuinely🤒. It will ignite a chain reaction of love all over the world. That will lead to peace and tolerance amongst everyone irrespective of religion or tribe or race. There would be nothing like, I can’t marry a Muslim or a Sabbath worshipper, or Jehovah’s witnesses, All these rubbish will seize to exist.🤧

Read: Culture Shock! How Incogorous is the Road that Leads Home
Christians church shock
Humanity is by far the greatest religion but I am afraid Christians will never be able to enjoy the benefits

CHURCH SHOCK AND MAYBE SOME COMIC RELIEF😏…

Not in a bid to spite any church denomination but this should be fun (maybe😉)…There are doctrines of some churches that are so astonishing to me; I’ll mention just one, there’s a church denomination that the members are not to eat crayfish🤭. I wonder what the poor fish did to them or how their food would taste😔. How about you? What are the doctrines some churches practice that get you shocked? Tell me about your church too. In my Church the ladies are allowed to pray with their hair uncovered, can you guess what church I attend😆? Also about today’s post, I’ll like to get your opinions in the comment section. What do you suggest is the way forward to achieve unity in Christianity? Leave me a comment please.👇👇

5 min read

If you are an earpiece lover you would know how many dramas having an earpiece on can save you from. But sometimes, even with it on, some scenarios are unavoidable, you find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

As I rolled my eyes to the side of my window on the bus, I saw a group of men closing in on a lady like lions who were elated at the sight of prey. She was fair, pretty, and had a smallish body. She wore a mini gown that truthfully revealed a lot and might even reveal a lot more if she is not careful of how she moves.

Read: How Do I Get Better With Phone Calls?
indecent dressing
You find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

Why is she surrounded by these lions anyway? I wondered. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I turned down the volume of my music immediately and then looked closely so I wouldn’t miss anything. As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown. “Ashewo! Ashewo! Shior!!”, they chanted intermittently. All her attempts to challenge them and break free from their grip proved abortive. I presume luck went on vacation because no one was willing to help her either. Typical Nigerian lifestyle, we stare and make commentary.

Read: Shocked! Angry! Yet I couldn’t do Anything

I was irritated and became uncomfortable. The thought of fighting for the lady crossed my mind but then I realized that getting involved wouldn’t make much of a difference, considering the arrogant nature of the men. Watching the scene, it made me recall the time I tried to speak up for a little boy who was not given a fair space to sit even though he paid the same amount as everyone else on the bus but my tiny voice was so invisible amid the loud voices of the passengers that I almost cried.

indecent dressing
As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown.

Case One (A Lady And Her Cloth Choice)

The men finally let her go as they broke into an outburst of laughter coupled with abusive names and phrases. I shook my head in pity as I watched the lady pick up her phone (it had fallen during the squabble) and walk away in anger.

After the show of shame, it seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations. The majority said she deserved what she got. Before then, I have heard of how a lady can be harassed in public, especially in market places when she is indecently dressed and here’s me, witnessing a scene… wow!

Lady Indecent Dressing
It seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations.

In all honesty, I don’t think any lady deserves to be harassed in that way despite the fact that her dress sense at that moment was wrong. Wait a minute! Wrong? What even makes it wrong? If the wearer is comfortable in it then why throw stones?

Just recently too, there’s been a viral video of a lady who’s ass was groped by a man in a market place because of what she was wearing. While a group feels it was right to have her feel frustrated so that next time she knows better it makes me even sadder because as a lady, dressing even decently cannot save you. There are several times I go to the market and male sellers either grab me by my arm or shoulder just to get my attention on what they are selling. If my response is not friendly, they insult me. “Monkey!!! You no even fine self”… ah! Just because…!?

 

From what I could gather, it’s a fight between ‘ignorance’ and ‘choice’. Is it too difficult to look away if you don’t like what you see? Is it a crime to wear a clothing of choice? To the ladies, I’ll like to ask, have you been in such a situation before? How did you handle it? And the men, are you the type that castigates a lady for wearing revealing clothes or you look away?

Case Two (The Loud Voice Wins)

Have you ever been hurt because you couldn’t fight a good fight? You leave the scene feeling hopeless and for every day, months or years after its past, you still beat yourself up whenever you remember how much of a coward you were? She didn’t deserve to be treated that way and the fact that I couldn’t do anything, made my blood boil.

lady indecent dressing
You still beat yourself up whenever you remember

Situations like this have a way of denting my self-esteem. Do you ever wish you had a loud voice that could cover for you even though you are wrong? Most times, the loudest voice wins whether right or wrong. It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me. I thought of many things I could do to help the lady but I remained mute on my sit. And then again, I thought, perhaps there is someone else who is also irritated by the scene but helpless too. It also reminded me of the case of jungle justice, where the loudest voice wins because the ones who frown against the act are smaller in number. They are scared, they will rather not speak up to avoid being up for the slaughter too.

The Perks and Drawbacks of Being a Loud Person

Have you ever been in such a tight fix too?  How do you handle the pang of guilt? Let’s discuss this, kindly leave me a comment on your opinion. 

lady indecent dressing
It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me.
Translations:

Ashewo– A Yoruba word that means ‘Prostitute’. Yoruba is a language spoken in West Africa and most prominently Southwestern Nigeria.

Shior– A Yoruba word that means ‘Rubbish’.

5 min read

I had been a fan of the multichoice franchise reality show Big Brother Naija but had lost interest in it over the recent years majorly because of society and life. But before that, I had followed closely it’s foreign counterpart Big Brother Canada where I found myself hooked on the mechanism of the human mind. A real Game of Thrones scenario, although excluding the literal death toll, I would argue that there was some cold surgical/assassin type of approach with which some housemates schemed and threw others under the bus.

Now back to the point, safe to say I’m gradually getting my mojo back for the show. I started to develop an interest in this year’s Big Brother season five themed ‘Lock Down’, because of the similarity it shares with the BB Canada counterpart, one being the housemates get to evict their fellow housemate. An ultimate twist no one saw coming. In such a heated competitive environment like that, many will wonder how easy it is for a housemate to chum up a fellow housemate and maintain their con knowing fully well that they could be next. Well, this is Big Brother, anything can happen.

Read: The sinister origins of Big Brother that you might not have known about

Untold Facts about the 20 Housemate in the Big Brother Naija ...

 I appreciate the genius in which Multichoice incorporated this year’s voting and eviction system as it gets the viewers more invested. But getting more acquainted with the show, I am starting to feel somewhat irritated as to how a Game of Thrones type of script flipped into a high school romance. I found myself asking questions like; “do these people even remember the prize at stake?” But the more I ponder on this question, the more I am reminded that the show in its true essence is a social experiment, a window into the mind and heart of society. Point being that people’s behavior and character can be unpredictable or predictable given the situation.

BBNaija 2020: Official Photos From Housemates' Second Saturday Party
Do these people even remember the prize at stake?

This season (BB Naija Lock Down) gives a unique opportunity to look into some constants that seem never to change in the society we live in. It mirrors vividly the society in the following areas;

 DATING IN NIGERIA

 If you are attentive to the show, you would have noticed the shift in relationships which is no different from how we the viewers live, even though we are quick to judge. The means of picking a partner, the chase, the interaction between lovers (using the Laycon, Erica and Kiddwaya’s triangle) Laycon; a bright young artist, described by his peers and a tangible sum of the housemates as an intellectual and sharp mind, Erica; a beautiful actress, with a beautiful smile, and  Kiddwaya; son of a billionaire, smooth, flirtatious and physically appealing.

Big Brother Naija Lockdown
L-R; Kidwayya, Erica, Laycon

 If you follow the show, you already know the plot of this story. So I will spare the boring details and ask you, “given the position of Erica, which would be your pick between the two young men?” This question is to cut through the superficial pretense and self-righteousness. But it gets better, having made your choice, how would you carry on especially when it seems the person you have chosen seems to state not to be looking for something serious.

Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever You Are Dating Owes You!

 This situation succeeds in mirroring a deep human behavior of this era; You’ve probably heard people talk of leaving options open in relationships. It’s as common as breathing now, (this is my opinion and subject to criticism and debate) but I find this a result of fear. Whether of not being heartbroken, wasting time, or waiting for a better option when they eventually walk into our lives. But this is the way of the times. Everyone has their eyes open for something better, whether it is wrong or right.

BBNaija 2020
Everyone has their eyes open for something better, whether it is wrong or right.

 POLITICKING

 This has been existing since the history of the show. There seems to be a subconscious matchup of seemingly good versus evil; one housemate against another, for example, one of the previous seasons ( themed Double Wahala) which had two female housemates, Cee-C versus Alex and the most recently concluded (Pepper Dem) had Tacha Vs Mercy. While this might strike as a normal human character, even healthy in some cases but the environment reveals a dark truth. You begin to see, blind devotion,(even to behaviors you know you can’t honestly stomach personally if faced with it) character assassination, twisting obvious truths or facts and interpreting them in ways that are at least ludicrous and at most fantastic and mind-blowing, to favor your favorite in the house.

Read: The Mask of Civility
Big Brother Naija
There seems to be a subconscious matchup of seemingly good versus evil; one housemate against another. L-R; Tacha, Mercy

But this is us, it’s our reality, we want what we want, be it good or evil. To those who complain that some fans are toxic, blame not! I’ve sat down to reflect on these things and realized that for any housemate a fan supports, he or she is a reflection of who they are and what appeals to them, consciously or unconsciously. Hence the saying, “We attract our kind”. That fan might appear cool personally and you wonder why they passionately support the villain of the show right? Maybe if you can gain access to the blueprint of their mind, you’ll know why. Sometimes it takes another character to tell our true character or some things we never knew about us.

Read: The Long Wait, The Lessons, and My Identity Crisis

 The Big Brother Nigeria show indeed mirrors society’s behavior in several ways. Take this challenge, pick two housemates, and do a case study on their characters, I guarantee the outcome will be you finding much more characters in them that complement society. So do you watch the show? If yes, then you’ll most definitely agree with my points.

Big Brother Naija
Sometimes it takes another character to tell our true character or some things we never knew about us.

 So let’s discuss, in what way(s) would you say the show relates to society for you? Also, be it with this current season or the past ones, has there been any housemate(s) that resonates with your psychological makeup? For me, it’s Laycon of course. The intellectual that’s nice with the flow. Yeah, I rap too. I’ll like to know that housemates and why you feel connected to their character. And to those who do not watch the show or used to but stopped, maybe you can tell us why too… that’s if you read the post up until this part.

 

 

 

 

BRIEF BIO- Sometimes a writer, sometimes a poet, every other time a daydreamer. All my different personas. Find me in a studio near you as Grenade. IG- @renegadevandy49 TWITTER- @renegadevandy49 Kindly leave me your thoughts on this post in the comment section 😄👇

 

 

4 min read

Everyone has a spec, some of us have it built more on the mental side while some on the physical, but we will all agree that the majority gravitates towards the latter. Have you ever thought about it that sometimes the way that we think makes us believe lies that eventually make us channel our expectations in the wrong light? Maybe you do not understand, but I would explain in succinct lines.

Once upon a time, I saw a movie by Tyler Perry titled Nobody’s Fool. To save you all of the many shenanigans, in that movie, Tiffany’s sister had a book of specifications- she wanted her ideal man to meet a requisite pattern in terms of looks and how he must act in a social context. It sounded more like a perfect idea when she met a man on the online web who checked every item on her spec list. The tall and short of the tale is that she assumed wrongly about the one that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She ended up settling to love a man that didn’t aptly fit into her specification for an ideal man.

Read: Should Marriage Have An Expiry Date?

spec Nobody's fool

This brings a question to mind and it is, is it ideal to have a specification list in choosing a partner? Oftentimes I hear my peers talking about the kind of women or men that they want to end up with. Some of them tell me that regardless of other realities of life, they want women or men that are lanky, cute, rich, and all of the others that come to mind. My thought exactly is, if they have this spec list for themselves, does it in any way guarantee that they would get the best out of that union?

 In situations where people end up marrying the life partners that they have chosen, especially those that have the glam of an expensive wedding which gains an edition in several marriage blogs and equally becomes the yardstick for the ‘I tap’ Whatsapp group, I wonder why such marriages fail. Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed? We can try to play smart but no matter how we cannot cheat mental compatibility. In my opinion, failed marriages/relationships happen to those who have their spec list built more on the physical side. Paying too much attention to what they see rather than what’s upstairs.

Read: Domestic Violence! How Many More Jonny Depp’s to be Uncovered?
spec
Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed?

Let me use the African Star Apple (Agbalumo) as an example. When it comes to selecting one that soothes your taste bud, ideally you’ll pick the one that looks bubbly and very brown and also appears hydrated. But sometimes we are aghast by the slapping taste it gives us. Despite the appearance, it still failed us. That’s the thing about specs, you cannot be sure if that handsome man or beautiful lady will complement you in every area. Yet the majority of us still prefer to have a specification list bent more on the physical. At the end of the day, settling for one’s spec is like a ‘try your luck’ game. While we might get closer, a lasting union is not guaranteed. 

spec
African Star Apple

The Flip Sides and the BIG FLIP

But there’s another flip side. It can be difficult for some particular individuals to be sexually attracted to people who match or supersede their mental strength. Despite the vibe, they will rather piss themselves than have sex with each other. “Why are intelligent people less attractive?” lol. Does the question ring a bell? Or “Why is it that fine people do not know mathematics?”

Read: Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

You find a man who prior to entering a relationship tells you that his spec is a slim, fair, and tall lady. But he ends up settling for a dark thick lady who is not so much on the beautiful side. Why is that so? Personally I feel a person might get closer to their spec but the outcome is what determines if they will stay. Specifications give an expectation based on how we assume that situations or relationships with people should turn out, but life has other plans when we plan to follow a sequel of logic.

Spec
Are you your spec’s spec?

Now to the questions bothering, is it right to have a spec list? Which should weigh more in writing a spec list, the mental or physical? Also, People who do not have a list of what an ideal life partner should look or act like, are they making mistakes too? If you have also been in a situation where you settled for your spec, you know the ‘love at first sight tingy’, I’ll like to know the outcome. Are you still kicking it? Perhaps you’re like a friend of mine who settled for his spec, he often tells me that whenever he feels like breaking up, he considers how beautiful she is and buys her another straw.

Lest I forget the BIG FLIP, you might have a spec, but are you your spec’s spec? Stop rolling your eyes and answer the question especially those of you who belong to the ‘I am sapiosexual’ Whatsapp group. Let’s figure this out because, at the end of the day, this might just be the foundation of plenty of problems to come. I need your projected opinions, please.

 

 

3 min read

Dear muttering minds, I write this to you because I think this is the safest place to let out the deepest and darkest part of my mind to the public, the thing only I, God, and the devil know about and I hope I get some sort of relief after this.

I am a 25-year-old guy and I love boys. Not in a brotherly or friendly manner but in a more intimate and sexual manner. I started noticing this when I was 16-years-old in my ss2 (penultimate class). When I see a handsome guy I tend to stare more than twice just like some ladies do. I tried to ignore it then and hope such a feeling just blows over, but it didn’t work. 

gay
I love boys. Not in a brotherly or friendly manner but in a more…

When I’m watching porn, unlike most guys do, I switch over to the gay section to watch and I enjoy watching it. I get more aroused and a more intense orgasm while jerking off to gay porn than straight porn. I stare at pictures of guys, especially cute tall, and muscular ones. I usually watch movies about homosexuals and I normally rewind the sex scene. I try several times to stop but to no avail. 

Read: Hypocrites! Homosexuality Is Not A Crime

While I was awaiting admission to the university, I was usually home alone so I did a lot of crazy things I couldn’t imagine. One certain time I bought a small-sized plantain and a condom, then I rolled the condom over the plantain and poured some lube over it and gradually shoved it into my ass hole. It was painful at first but in the long run, I started enjoying it to the point of orgasm without touching myself. One time, I recorded myself in the act and edited and posted it on gay porn sites. It got a lot of views and likes, some thirsty guys abroad even contacted me for sex video calls and I agreed to it.

Read: Men Talk! How To Get Rid of Boners in Public
bisexual
I bought a small-sized plantain and a condom, then I rolled the condom over the…

I did this for three months until one day I thought to myself, “what the hell am I doing”? I forced myself to stop and found something doing just to get my mind off it. Finally, I got admission to the university, I lived in the school hostel then. I’ve never experienced a hostel life before, that was my first experience. You know in the hostel everyone baths in the same bathroom at the same time. Unlike secondary school where I was longing to get a glimpse of the D, I saw a lot of them in the hostel in different shapes, sizes, and colors which all brought back memories of all my gay sexual adventure; all those feelings I tried to put away all came back. 

Read: Understanding Your Sexuality

Irrespective of how unhygienic the bathroom was, I would always go back there three times a day to take a bath but the real truth is that I was there to get as much glimpse of the D. This continued until I left the hostel in my third year. I tried my best to ignore my homosexual feelings until I graduated.  I’m glad I didn’t meet any full-blown gay guy in my lodge off-campus cause I’m pretty sure that I would have had gay sex if I met one. 

Bisexual Invisibility –
Am I gay or bisexual?

I’m working now and I have a girlfriend who I love, and we also have sex which I enjoy but those sexual feelings I get when I see a handsome guy is still there. I just ignore it and hope it goes away. Sometimes I still go to gay porn sites but not as often as before. I really don’t want to lose my girlfriend, could it be that my gay tendencies are only a phase in my life that will pass or am I bisexual?

 

Click Here To Share Your Story With Us!

 

5 min read

Reading the post about the Slim Curse was hilarious and also thought-provoking. As I read Doris’ rant and the other comments (mostly ladies), it got me thinking, if these ladies can be so sensitive about their weight, what will happen if they’ve got a more obvious ‘physical setback’?

I knew I was destined to be bald; my dad is bald, my brothers are bald, even my six-month-old picture clearly shows my receding hairline, what I never knew was that I’d go bald in my early 20’s.

Read: Male Pattern Baldness

It all started with a few extra hairs during my third year in the university and while my friends made a joke out of every haircut I had on, I clung to my remaining hair and did what I could do to avoid the inevitable. Little did I know I was digging up my own grave with my frequent haircuts until I hit a wall; I couldn’t cover it up anymore. It became obvious to everyone around me and I was left with two options: Accept the situation or Continue deceiving myself.

bald
I clung to my remaining hair and did what I could do to avoid the inevitable

You know that feeling of being scared or nervous about something, how bad it messes with your head that you begin to picture yourself in different situations around it or see things or people that remind you about it. I close my eyes, and I see a ‘bald me’, I’m walking on the road, I see a bald man and even while watching TV, a bald man must show up on my display. All because my bald look couldn’t wait to switch position with my receding hairlines. That kinda power must change hands setting lol.😕

Know More About Muttering Minds

If my friends could shun pity and mock my receding hairlines at every opportunity, it would be an open party for mockery if I decided to lay off the remaining hair down, knowing that the chances are only two percent that it will grow back. This was me trying to debate my way out of it. And the ladies? How do I toast them without my half baked mohawk or malnourished low cut?

The Big Leap

One wet evening after my NYSC, I strolled into my longtime barbershop and told him to take it all off. With the clipper on the lowest setting, I watched as my remaining hair fell to the ground, and my barber grinning through the cut; it was like a mission accomplished for him. While he kept grazing my hair field with his clipper, all I could think of were a thousand and one ways to welcome my new look.

Tada! He was done. I could barely recognize myself, it felt even more ridiculous after running my fingers across my head.

Submit Your Story Here!

Surprisingly, my family and genuine friends complimented the new look although within me I wished I could still rock hairstyles like frohawk with unique designs, low cut with waves, large afro, or medium curls. 

No hair means more caps. I became 5 &6 with face caps to hide my young bald look but as days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, I garnered some lessons I’ll love to share;

  • Nobody Cares: Absolutely no one! My biggest fears at the initial stage was what people were going to think of me being bald at a young age. “Will people make fun of me?”, “Will I still look attractive?”, “Will people think I look weird?” etc. But then an epiphany struck me; ‘How does my baldness affect them anyway?’…I looked around and searched through my mind, absolutely no connection whatsoever. Yes, I got a couple of teasing comments but most people either extremely complimented it or completely ignored it. As soon as I took the leap and accepted my fate, my insecurities faded into oblivion. It made me more confident and care less about people’s opinions.
  • People Automatically Think I Am ‘Hard’:  Since I embraced my baldness, I have experienced subtle shifts in my relationships with people. People began to create more time for me, older folks began to put some respect on my name and younger folks tagged me as an “alpha male”, which in this regard, is the polar opposite of the comb-over.
Bald
Folks began to put some respect on my name and younger folks tagged me as an “alpha male”.
  • I Look More Attractive: Embracing my bald curse unmasked my attractiveness. I won’t even talk about the ladies frolicking because of my zaddy look🌚. However, the point here is the shift the change has made in my personality; I have moved from constantly worrying about my lack of hair to not just caring and in my opinion, one of the greatest attractive quality anyone can ask for is self-assurance – so rock that bald head, baldie👨‍🦲.
  • Trying to Reverse it is Completely a Waste of Money: Even though I never tried to reverse it, friends and acquaintances suggested I try all sorts of things to grow my hair. Some even went as far as citing hair surgeries but my response to them was always; ‘I no dey do (not interested)’. For a fact, most people who sell these hair remedies are not doctors; they are private companies and only have their profits at heart, so once you buy, you are at the risk of hurting your pockets and enriching theirs.
bald
Bald ladies look yummy

Not that I am that nice😒,  but I was moved to share this with Mutterers so that whoever felt insecure about anything concerning their body can scoop some silver lining from my story😉. Some part of me is also curious to know if ladies find bald guys attractive and their impression about bald guys. And as for the baldies reading this, (both male and female) how market? You know we’re the baddest kids on block right! If you don’t mind sharing your own experience too you know 😆😆

 

5 min read

There is a saying that he that comes to equity, must come with clean hands. Of course, we all know that this has implications and connotative meanings in different religions. However, when relating that saying to contextual Christian explanations, one is forced to see things from the book of Matthew 7 v 1-2, which says “Judge not, so that ye may not be judged. For the same way you judge others, ye will be judged, and the measure you use will be used upon you.” This particular verse of the Bible mirrors on our imperfection, even as humans and why it is better that we do not judge others because we are by our very nature; imperfect beings too.

Unfortunately for many of us especially when reading about certain Bible characters, we forget that the characters were also humans. As expected, like the flawless humans we assume we are, we make demeaning references to these Bible characters like if put in their shoes, we are not capable of doing the exact same thing or worse.

If You Were Ananias or Sapphira

A lot of analogies in the Bible have so many people casting aspersions like they would not. Take a look at the story of Ananias and Sapphira in the book of Acts of the Apostles chapter 5 1-11; in that portion of the Bible, one would easily see that asides holding back some portion of the piece of land that they had sold, they were also keen on emulating the good act of selling their piece of land as Barnabas did. Sadly, they lied to the Holy Spirit and were struck dead.  

Read: When God Takes A Nap
Ananias
Ananias and Sapphira bible characters

Many Christians in our clime make allusions to them like they are not also guilty of what they did. The book of Malachi 3v 11 says that when we pay our tithes, He will rebuke the devourer for our sakes.  In the direct interpretation of that verse of the Bible, payment of tithes is more or less like a command for Christians, but many of us do not pay our tithes because we have some worries or more pending things to spend money on. We get it, it is not all that bad, but look at the act of not paying tithes viz a viz the wrongdoing of Ananias and Sapphira? Why do we paint these two bible characters so badly while preaching against disobedience?  The couple made a move to remit some of the money at least unlike most Christians. Ten percent of our earnings is what the Bible asked us to pay, many of us don’t pay half of that and we still have the guts to cast aspersions on them like we are completely untouchable.

 

If You Were Judas

Another example is the story of how Judas betrayed Jesus in John 18 v 1-13, for thirty pieces of silver. Many Christians often talk about how wrong an act it is that Judas did, totally unlooking the part where he showed genuine repentance. Judas was remorseful and this led him out of shame to commit suicide. The only aspect that many people see is where he betrayed Jesus; many do not see the aspect where he tried returning the money he had collected and also his shame (evidence of his genuine repentance).

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More?
bible characters Judas
Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss

Many of us Christians look the part only when it is convenient for us. Think about it, If you had to pick between a job that will pay you five million (Naira or dollars) each month or spending genuine time with God in his vineyard, which would you pick? The logical answer is the former, right? Because a job of that nature is not one that comes on a daily basis, also considering your everyday needs and the fact that you will need to sort some bills. Judas spent more time with Jesus, he was a Disciple, the only wrong he did was fall for the lust of money for a moment and he was truly sorry. Despite all of these, many of us still choose to see him in light of how he betrayed Jesus, only!

If You Were Jonah

The biblical Jonah is another one. In the book of Jonah 1 v 1-17, we are made to see how God called Jonah to tell the people of Nineveh about the imminent destruction that would befall them. If there is anything that we must know about God, it is that He gives a long rope to pull before he finally spews his wrath. This is the thinking of any human, and Jonah also had that premonition that when he goes to Nineveh to inform the people, they would repent and God wouldn’t destroy them, afterward. 

Read: What If We Are Like The Biblical Samson
bible characters jonah
Jonah was swallowed by a whale due to his disobedience

This means, his journey or stress to the city of Nineveh would end in futility. This made him run away. We all know how that story ended, but many times we think about Jonah as one of those examples of those prophets who didn’t hearken to the command of God, but the punchline is, given the exact same circumstance and our conscious understanding of the personality of God, wouldn’t we have done the exact same thing that Jonah did? Does this then give us the right to ascribe Jonah as one of those names that didn’t hearken early to the voice of God? No!

 

If You Were Abraham

In contrast to these flawed and imperfect humans from the Bible’s perspective, the story of Abraham perhaps would be the direct confrontation for many of us. In Genesis 22, God ordered Abraham to take his only son that it took him forever to have. Guess what? Abraham did that, or better put he was on the verge before God halted the mission. This makes him compliant right? You claim to be Christians, but if you are called upon God to carry out the same mission instructed to Abraham, would you?  if you are called upon to give all that you have gathered in years for a pauper or live a beggarly life for Jesus, would you?

Read: Who Owns The Church?
bible characters
He was on the verge before God halted the mission.

Would You Still Be Alive?

My conclusion is, as much as it is easy to read up the Bible as well as find our path with it, let us not forget that the Bible characters whose stories are told were also humans. They were as imperfect as we are now. The major difference between then and now is that God spoke directly to them and was quick to carry out his wrath against their disobedience. If it were the same today, would you still be alive? I’ll leave you with a reflective verse from 1 Samuel 2 v 9; it says …by strength shall no man prevail…, and so what we should pray for is the grace to be firm, rather than cast aspersion on who fell or who was upright with God. 

4 min read

“Never expect anything from your partner”, this is one of the biggest lies people, especially the aliens on social media quickly scream at your face. 

The idea of being ‘zero expectant’ in a relationship is a virus that was created by folks who were deeply hurt from a fun-ship. Those ones who have hit rock bottom in a series of failed relationships under the aegis of “I am just passing time”. Now it has become a cupid pandemic slowly destroying beautiful relationships. 

How to Deal With Disappointment in a Relationship: 14 Steps

Relating this to my experience, I fell in love with a guy who seemed supportive and was a sarcastic preacher of “don’t expect anything from whoever you are dating”. And well, because I didn’t want my boo considering me being a bother, I had to consciously carve myself a niche around the ‘miss independent’ zone of which I’m relatively grateful for. 

Fast forward to when the ship sailed>>> we were pursuing a contract that was highly profitable, we did put in collective efforts to make it a reality. Hallelujah🙌🙌,  my nigga was awarded the contract of over five million naira. The joy was contagious. Although it was his thing, it was still mine. I mean I was the loving girlfriend who held his hands throughout the storm, even before the contract pursuit. Not like I demanded any money, but there are some things only common sense can teach a man.

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?
dating
He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed.

Well, common sense became a scarce commodity. At this point, his behavior started fluctuating. He hung me in the dark for several months. Made profits of over five million naira and made all sorts of miscellaneous expenses till he was two hundred thousand naira down. This was when the scales fell from his eyes. He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed. Lamenting to me, he went on babbling on how he wished he never went silent on me, how he was hoping I’ll make relentless efforts to reach out in guiding him through on how to make investments. And how it’s all gone down the drain with nothing to hang on to but my support.  

READ: The 8 Things You Should Expect From A Relationship

Please laugh with me😂😂😂. Mind you, he said all these seeking comfort and a shoulder to cry on. “Hello bae, I don’t have shoulders anymore. I can’t find mine as I sold them in exchange for zero expectations”. This was my response and the last straw for me as I took a bow out of the relationship. Yes, that was a deal-breaker for me. And to date, I’m glad I didn’t continue in that joke of a situationship.

dating owe
Are you in a situationship?

The truth is I expected some money out of it. I deserved it! I earned it! No one can tell me otherwise. If a man expects me to be with him when the chips are down, he should be ready to feed me some french fries when the chips are up. It’s simple logic. No one should tell me he doesn’t owe me shit because hell yeah he does.

“Stop expecting anything from whoever you are dating”… yen yen yen… This is one of the lies you tell yourself. You don’t believe yourself every time you say it but then you say it regardless because you don’t want your intentions to be perceived wrongly. I get you but you see, quit the deceit. Whether you like it or not, whoever you are dating owes you. 

Read: Long Distance Relationship Is A Scam! Except…
Dating
It is not gold-digging, it is your right!

There is a reason they say that man’s love is fickle, it is who we are, or are you Jesus Christ? Asides expecting monetary gains which not everyone will get to enjoy in their relationship, whoever you are dating owes you a certain level of love, care, attention, transparency, emotions, explanation, time, and all whatnot. The moment you decide to take it to the next level with someone, best believe you owe them and they owe you too. That is why it is called ‘a relationship’. There is nothing like “we are just going with the flow”, how does that even sound? Crap right? Because it is absolute crap.

Click Here To Join Our Online Community NAKED MINDS

How can I invest my love, care, attention, emotions, and in fact all of me and then you say you don’t owe me? You must be joking. Let’s stop deceiving ourselves, please. 🙄

 

 

4 min read

It has been an insufferable journey living with an abusive parent. One who thinks less about others and feels on top of the world. Was God wrong to have brought me to this world as his child? My father has been abusing me since I arrived on this earth and became aware of myself. No, not the sexual kind of abuse but a father’s hatred; emotional torment.

You know why? My sex kills him each day. He hates that I am a female child and worse off, he hates my mother even more. What more can a woman who the creator blessed with only girls as children do if the man she bore them for curses the day he walked down the aisle with her? I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused both verbally and physically. I refuse to question God in all but…

father's hatred
I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused

Where I come from, the female child is worthless. Yes! Even in this digital era, she has no right and shouldn’t be seen let alone heard. This isn’t human but unfortunately, I and my sisters carry the burden. There is something about broken parenting that messes with the mental state of a child. I am treated badly by the man whose shoulder I should be resting on and calling proudly  “FATHER”. For every time we speak, never are there kind words.

Read: Diabetes Snatched Him Away From Us

It feels so strange whenever I come across someone gushing so much sweetness about their father. I cannot relate because all I have known is a father’s hatred. I was brought up to be scared of my father, even till now as an adult, the fear eats me up that I don’t believe there are good fathers out there. If I were God, I wouldn’t have blessed him with kids but no God already gave him wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

Father's hatred
Wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

He doesn’t care about our basic needs talkless of supporting our ambition. To be frank, I wish God will just answer my silent prayers already. What do you make of a man who physically and verbally abuses his wife in front of his children? What do you think of a man who hits his children for mere things he could be calm and talk to them about? What do you think of a man who listens to outsiders other than his family?

The thought is overflowing and it breaks my heart every day. It makes me think less of life. I don’t need a soothsayer to tell me that he doesn’t wish me good in life. For every penny he spends on our tuition or whatever, he is only concerned about what he will gain. He doesn’t believe in helping a child start up something he or she wants to achieve in life. Oftentimes he will threaten to chase me and my sisters out of his house.

father's hatred
Is home really where the love is like people say?
Read: What do I do when my dad is horrible and I can’t take it anymore?

He doesn’t provide as a father should yet his paranoia drives him bonkers. He screams to the rooftop asking us where we got the money from whenever we met our needs without his aid. One thing I regret is that I am a good child. I wish I was so spoilt and rude so I could serve him a taste of his own madness. I feel I wasted my time in the university for not mixing up with a bad company, maybe I could have made enough money never to return to his house.

Is home really where the love is like people say?  What is God’s plan that I have to go through this phase in life? Living with a father’s hatred? When I was younger I used to tell myself that his bullshit won’t matter in some year’s time, but here I am, I have dealt with it long enough but still not used to it.

father's hatred
I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’

With my eyes filled with tears, I write this. I really wished he was a lovely father, I wish I can be home and have a peaceful moment. I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’ because I feel there is more to calling him that than he just assuming the tag of a father. How painful is it to have lived above 25 and still be treated like a 12-years-old?  It is painful knowing that I cannot love my father like a friend. I hate that whenever he calls me there is always the feeling of “you must have done something wrong”.

Click Here To Join Our Email Community; Naked Minds

I have no regret being a girl child because I know I will do better than even a male child. The only regret I have is not being accepted by the only man who should matter in my life. How do I deal with my father’s hatred?

4 min read

On some days, I feel like a 4-year-old. Other days, I feel like a 19-year-old and most of the time, I feel 21. I ask myself why the age factor is so important, why is it used to measure success in life? Do you get comments like “oh wow, you are so young” or “how do you think like a 30-year-old?” How about the most annoying comments like “you look 10?” or “You are only 21, why are you behaving like an old woman already?”.

Why is it that when you are doing something big or not living up to the ‘standards’, the next thing people are concerned about is how old you really are? As we age, the ‘age syndrome’ begets more validity than our individuality. Starting from within the family to the school system down to making friends, achievements, seeking a job, and the likes…“How Old Are You?” always rings a familiar bell.

Read: 5 Reasons Not to Fear Getting Older

age

The honest truth is most times, I avoid telling my age or worse off including it while filling a document because there’s this bugging feeling that I do not merit the age. Every time I’m about to disclose my age, I have to do a mini-battle with my inner man… “Why don’t you lie? At least keep it three years below, that compliments your achievement”... and there I am, hesitant to disclose it. I get really pissed when people say to me “you are this age and you have achieved this” or “Wow! I can’t believe at this age you’ve never *****, when do you intend to do it?”

The school system among other units is the least to make you feel cool about your age. Imagine a twelve-year-old girl who finds herself caught in a slow educational process due to psychological incapacity or change of environment, and is made to start afresh in a new school. That alone is depressing. She gets into school and her classmates cannot phantom why someone bigger in size shares the same learning space with them. Culture shock hits! Trust the kids, name-calling like ‘mama’, ‘biggie’, ‘giant’, and various forms of degrading names becomes her new name. If she grows up to the university level and decides to conceal her age, would you blame her?

Read: Birthday Blues? Oh, Christ! I Hate Birthdays

Home & Garden Greeting Cards & Party Supply Funny Shocked Cat Age ...

Sadly, there are a lot of depressed individuals out there today who feel disappointed in themselves for not ticking all the items on their list before they come to a certain age. Well, I’ve been there and sometimes still find myself stuck there and the option is to think “Oh God, I’m such a failure”.

I read a book some time ago and in that book were thirty things you should achieve in life before you turn 30. Does it mean that if I fail to achieve these things before I turn 30, I have failed as an individual? These ‘standards’ have puts  undue pressure on us to say the very least.

How to draw a funny Boss angry on Clock | Drawing, sketching, How ...

There’s so much societal pressure on individuals when they begin to mirror age 20-30. You graduate from school and now you are in the race of who will make it big first and when you attend parties or get-togethers or even your school’s reunion and see your mates talking about what they have achieved and there you are thinking “what am I doing with my life?”

Read: Success! Will You Forgive You?

It is hard to find an individual really proud of their age. Only those who have achieved a deafening feat go about flaunting their age effortlessly. There’s something about achieving so much in just a little age span. It’s a somewhat supernatural feeling; it makes a person feel like they are not of this world. Demigods. Everybody loves to feel that way but unfortunately, not everyone will. Why do you think your favorite celebrities hide their age? Why do you think the media will be more obsessed with carrying the story of a 16-years-old girl who climbed Mount Everest than a thirty-year-old who did?Funny Shocked Cat Age Joke Personalised Birthday Card - The Card Zoo

I wish we knew enough to know that we are all different and it’s important to move at our individual pace. It shouldn’t matter if your mates are doing way better than you are, the only thing to not be proud of is laziness but if you are hardworking, you do your job and get your pay, there should be no need to worry about the age factor right? I wish it was as easy as I have written.

Click Here To Join Our Email Community; Naked Minds

Are you also caught in hiding your real age? Do you sometimes wish you were three years younger? Oh, wait a sec. I know some people who wish they were older, are you one of them?  Let’s discuss the ‘Age factor’ and the way forward.