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5 min read

There is a saying that he that comes to equity, must come with clean hands. Of course, we all know that this has implications and connotative meanings in different religions. However, when relating that saying to contextual Christian explanations, one is forced to see things from the book of Matthew 7 v 1-2, which says “Judge not, so that ye may not be judged. For the same way you judge others, ye will be judged, and the measure you use will be used upon you.” This particular verse of the Bible mirrors on our imperfection, even as humans and why it is better that we do not judge others because we are by our very nature; imperfect beings too.

Unfortunately for many of us especially when reading about certain Bible characters, we forget that the characters were also humans. As expected, like the flawless humans we assume we are, we make demeaning references to these Bible characters like if put in their shoes, we are not capable of doing the exact same thing or worse.

If You Were Ananias or Sapphira

A lot of analogies in the Bible have so many people casting aspersions like they would not. Take a look at the story of Ananias and Sapphira in the book of Acts of the Apostles chapter 5 1-11; in that portion of the Bible, one would easily see that asides holding back some portion of the piece of land that they had sold, they were also keen on emulating the good act of selling their piece of land as Barnabas did. Sadly, they lied to the Holy Spirit and were struck dead.  

Read: When God Takes A Nap
Ananias
Ananias and Sapphira bible characters

Many Christians in our clime make allusions to them like they are not also guilty of what they did. The book of Malachi 3v 11 says that when we pay our tithes, He will rebuke the devourer for our sakes.  In the direct interpretation of that verse of the Bible, payment of tithes is more or less like a command for Christians, but many of us do not pay our tithes because we have some worries or more pending things to spend money on. We get it, it is not all that bad, but look at the act of not paying tithes viz a viz the wrongdoing of Ananias and Sapphira? Why do we paint these two bible characters so badly while preaching against disobedience?  The couple made a move to remit some of the money at least unlike most Christians. Ten percent of our earnings is what the Bible asked us to pay, many of us don’t pay half of that and we still have the guts to cast aspersions on them like we are completely untouchable.

 

If You Were Judas

Another example is the story of how Judas betrayed Jesus in John 18 v 1-13, for thirty pieces of silver. Many Christians often talk about how wrong an act it is that Judas did, totally unlooking the part where he showed genuine repentance. Judas was remorseful and this led him out of shame to commit suicide. The only aspect that many people see is where he betrayed Jesus; many do not see the aspect where he tried returning the money he had collected and also his shame (evidence of his genuine repentance).

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More?
bible characters Judas
Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss

Many of us Christians look the part only when it is convenient for us. Think about it, If you had to pick between a job that will pay you five million (Naira or dollars) each month or spending genuine time with God in his vineyard, which would you pick? The logical answer is the former, right? Because a job of that nature is not one that comes on a daily basis, also considering your everyday needs and the fact that you will need to sort some bills. Judas spent more time with Jesus, he was a Disciple, the only wrong he did was fall for the lust of money for a moment and he was truly sorry. Despite all of these, many of us still choose to see him in light of how he betrayed Jesus, only!

If You Were Jonah

The biblical Jonah is another one. In the book of Jonah 1 v 1-17, we are made to see how God called Jonah to tell the people of Nineveh about the imminent destruction that would befall them. If there is anything that we must know about God, it is that He gives a long rope to pull before he finally spews his wrath. This is the thinking of any human, and Jonah also had that premonition that when he goes to Nineveh to inform the people, they would repent and God wouldn’t destroy them, afterward. 

Read: What If We Are Like The Biblical Samson
bible characters jonah
Jonah was swallowed by a whale due to his disobedience

This means, his journey or stress to the city of Nineveh would end in futility. This made him run away. We all know how that story ended, but many times we think about Jonah as one of those examples of those prophets who didn’t hearken to the command of God, but the punchline is, given the exact same circumstance and our conscious understanding of the personality of God, wouldn’t we have done the exact same thing that Jonah did? Does this then give us the right to ascribe Jonah as one of those names that didn’t hearken early to the voice of God? No!

 

If You Were Abraham

In contrast to these flawed and imperfect humans from the Bible’s perspective, the story of Abraham perhaps would be the direct confrontation for many of us. In Genesis 22, God ordered Abraham to take his only son that it took him forever to have. Guess what? Abraham did that, or better put he was on the verge before God halted the mission. This makes him compliant right? You claim to be Christians, but if you are called upon God to carry out the same mission instructed to Abraham, would you?  if you are called upon to give all that you have gathered in years for a pauper or live a beggarly life for Jesus, would you?

Read: Who Owns The Church?
bible characters
He was on the verge before God halted the mission.

Would You Still Be Alive?

My conclusion is, as much as it is easy to read up the Bible as well as find our path with it, let us not forget that the Bible characters whose stories are told were also humans. They were as imperfect as we are now. The major difference between then and now is that God spoke directly to them and was quick to carry out his wrath against their disobedience. If it were the same today, would you still be alive? I’ll leave you with a reflective verse from 1 Samuel 2 v 9; it says …by strength shall no man prevail…, and so what we should pray for is the grace to be firm, rather than cast aspersion on who fell or who was upright with God. 

4 min read

“Never expect anything from your partner”, this is one of the biggest lies people, especially the aliens on social media quickly scream at your face. 

The idea of being ‘zero expectant’ in a relationship is a virus that was created by folks who were deeply hurt from a fun-ship. Those ones who have hit rock bottom in a series of failed relationships under the aegis of “I am just passing time”. Now it has become a cupid pandemic slowly destroying beautiful relationships. 

How to Deal With Disappointment in a Relationship: 14 Steps

Relating this to my experience, I fell in love with a guy who seemed supportive and was a sarcastic preacher of “don’t expect anything from whoever you are dating”. And well, because I didn’t want my boo considering me being a bother, I had to consciously carve myself a niche around the ‘miss independent’ zone of which I’m relatively grateful for. 

Fast forward to when the ship sailed>>> we were pursuing a contract that was highly profitable, we did put in collective efforts to make it a reality. Hallelujah🙌🙌,  my nigga was awarded the contract of over five million naira. The joy was contagious. Although it was his thing, it was still mine. I mean I was the loving girlfriend who held his hands throughout the storm, even before the contract pursuit. Not like I demanded any money, but there are some things only common sense can teach a man.

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?
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He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed.

Well, common sense became a scarce commodity. At this point, his behavior started fluctuating. He hung me in the dark for several months. Made profits of over five million naira and made all sorts of miscellaneous expenses till he was two hundred thousand naira down. This was when the scales fell from his eyes. He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed. Lamenting to me, he went on babbling on how he wished he never went silent on me, how he was hoping I’ll make relentless efforts to reach out in guiding him through on how to make investments. And how it’s all gone down the drain with nothing to hang on to but my support.  

READ: The 8 Things You Should Expect From A Relationship

Please laugh with me😂😂😂. Mind you, he said all these seeking comfort and a shoulder to cry on. “Hello bae, I don’t have shoulders anymore. I can’t find mine as I sold them in exchange for zero expectations”. This was my response and the last straw for me as I took a bow out of the relationship. Yes, that was a deal-breaker for me. And to date, I’m glad I didn’t continue in that joke of a situationship.

dating owe
Are you in a situationship?

The truth is I expected some money out of it. I deserved it! I earned it! No one can tell me otherwise. If a man expects me to be with him when the chips are down, he should be ready to feed me some french fries when the chips are up. It’s simple logic. No one should tell me he doesn’t owe me shit because hell yeah he does.

“Stop expecting anything from whoever you are dating”… yen yen yen… This is one of the lies you tell yourself. You don’t believe yourself every time you say it but then you say it regardless because you don’t want your intentions to be perceived wrongly. I get you but you see, quit the deceit. Whether you like it or not, whoever you are dating owes you. 

Read: Long Distance Relationship Is A Scam! Except…
Dating
It is not gold-digging, it is your right!

There is a reason they say that man’s love is fickle, it is who we are, or are you Jesus Christ? Asides expecting monetary gains which not everyone will get to enjoy in their relationship, whoever you are dating owes you a certain level of love, care, attention, transparency, emotions, explanation, time, and all whatnot. The moment you decide to take it to the next level with someone, best believe you owe them and they owe you too. That is why it is called ‘a relationship’. There is nothing like “we are just going with the flow”, how does that even sound? Crap right? Because it is absolute crap.

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How can I invest my love, care, attention, emotions, and in fact all of me and then you say you don’t owe me? You must be joking. Let’s stop deceiving ourselves, please. 🙄

 

 

4 min read

It has been an insufferable journey living with an abusive parent. One who thinks less about others and feels on top of the world. Was God wrong to have brought me to this world as his child? My father has been abusing me since I arrived on this earth and became aware of myself. No, not the sexual kind of abuse but a father’s hatred; emotional torment.

You know why? My sex kills him each day. He hates that I am a female child and worse off, he hates my mother even more. What more can a woman who the creator blessed with only girls as children do if the man she bore them for curses the day he walked down the aisle with her? I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused both verbally and physically. I refuse to question God in all but…

father's hatred
I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused

Where I come from, the female child is worthless. Yes! Even in this digital era, she has no right and shouldn’t be seen let alone heard. This isn’t human but unfortunately, I and my sisters carry the burden. There is something about broken parenting that messes with the mental state of a child. I am treated badly by the man whose shoulder I should be resting on and calling proudly  “FATHER”. For every time we speak, never are there kind words.

Read: Diabetes Snatched Him Away From Us

It feels so strange whenever I come across someone gushing so much sweetness about their father. I cannot relate because all I have known is a father’s hatred. I was brought up to be scared of my father, even till now as an adult, the fear eats me up that I don’t believe there are good fathers out there. If I were God, I wouldn’t have blessed him with kids but no God already gave him wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

Father's hatred
Wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

He doesn’t care about our basic needs talkless of supporting our ambition. To be frank, I wish God will just answer my silent prayers already. What do you make of a man who physically and verbally abuses his wife in front of his children? What do you think of a man who hits his children for mere things he could be calm and talk to them about? What do you think of a man who listens to outsiders other than his family?

The thought is overflowing and it breaks my heart every day. It makes me think less of life. I don’t need a soothsayer to tell me that he doesn’t wish me good in life. For every penny he spends on our tuition or whatever, he is only concerned about what he will gain. He doesn’t believe in helping a child start up something he or she wants to achieve in life. Oftentimes he will threaten to chase me and my sisters out of his house.

father's hatred
Is home really where the love is like people say?
Read: What do I do when my dad is horrible and I can’t take it anymore?

He doesn’t provide as a father should yet his paranoia drives him bonkers. He screams to the rooftop asking us where we got the money from whenever we met our needs without his aid. One thing I regret is that I am a good child. I wish I was so spoilt and rude so I could serve him a taste of his own madness. I feel I wasted my time in the university for not mixing up with a bad company, maybe I could have made enough money never to return to his house.

Is home really where the love is like people say?  What is God’s plan that I have to go through this phase in life? Living with a father’s hatred? When I was younger I used to tell myself that his bullshit won’t matter in some year’s time, but here I am, I have dealt with it long enough but still not used to it.

father's hatred
I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’

With my eyes filled with tears, I write this. I really wished he was a lovely father, I wish I can be home and have a peaceful moment. I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’ because I feel there is more to calling him that than he just assuming the tag of a father. How painful is it to have lived above 25 and still be treated like a 12-years-old?  It is painful knowing that I cannot love my father like a friend. I hate that whenever he calls me there is always the feeling of “you must have done something wrong”.

Click Here To Join Our Email Community; Naked Minds

I have no regret being a girl child because I know I will do better than even a male child. The only regret I have is not being accepted by the only man who should matter in my life. How do I deal with my father’s hatred?

4 min read

On some days, I feel like a 4-year-old. Other days, I feel like a 19-year-old and most of the time, I feel 21. I ask myself why the age factor is so important, why is it used to measure success in life? Do you get comments like “oh wow, you are so young” or “how do you think like a 30-year-old?” How about the most annoying comments like “you look 10?” or “You are only 21, why are you behaving like an old woman already?”.

Why is it that when you are doing something big or not living up to the ‘standards’, the next thing people are concerned about is how old you really are? As we age, the ‘age syndrome’ begets more validity than our individuality. Starting from within the family to the school system down to making friends, achievements, seeking a job, and the likes…“How Old Are You?” always rings a familiar bell.

Read: 5 Reasons Not to Fear Getting Older

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The honest truth is most times, I avoid telling my age or worse off including it while filling a document because there’s this bugging feeling that I do not merit the age. Every time I’m about to disclose my age, I have to do a mini-battle with my inner man… “Why don’t you lie? At least keep it three years below, that compliments your achievement”... and there I am, hesitant to disclose it. I get really pissed when people say to me “you are this age and you have achieved this” or “Wow! I can’t believe at this age you’ve never *****, when do you intend to do it?”

The school system among other units is the least to make you feel cool about your age. Imagine a twelve-year-old girl who finds herself caught in a slow educational process due to psychological incapacity or change of environment, and is made to start afresh in a new school. That alone is depressing. She gets into school and her classmates cannot phantom why someone bigger in size shares the same learning space with them. Culture shock hits! Trust the kids, name-calling like ‘mama’, ‘biggie’, ‘giant’, and various forms of degrading names becomes her new name. If she grows up to the university level and decides to conceal her age, would you blame her?

Read: Birthday Blues? Oh, Christ! I Hate Birthdays

Home & Garden Greeting Cards & Party Supply Funny Shocked Cat Age ...

Sadly, there are a lot of depressed individuals out there today who feel disappointed in themselves for not ticking all the items on their list before they come to a certain age. Well, I’ve been there and sometimes still find myself stuck there and the option is to think “Oh God, I’m such a failure”.

I read a book some time ago and in that book were thirty things you should achieve in life before you turn 30. Does it mean that if I fail to achieve these things before I turn 30, I have failed as an individual? These ‘standards’ have puts  undue pressure on us to say the very least.

How to draw a funny Boss angry on Clock | Drawing, sketching, How ...

There’s so much societal pressure on individuals when they begin to mirror age 20-30. You graduate from school and now you are in the race of who will make it big first and when you attend parties or get-togethers or even your school’s reunion and see your mates talking about what they have achieved and there you are thinking “what am I doing with my life?”

Read: Success! Will You Forgive You?

It is hard to find an individual really proud of their age. Only those who have achieved a deafening feat go about flaunting their age effortlessly. There’s something about achieving so much in just a little age span. It’s a somewhat supernatural feeling; it makes a person feel like they are not of this world. Demigods. Everybody loves to feel that way but unfortunately, not everyone will. Why do you think your favorite celebrities hide their age? Why do you think the media will be more obsessed with carrying the story of a 16-years-old girl who climbed Mount Everest than a thirty-year-old who did?Funny Shocked Cat Age Joke Personalised Birthday Card - The Card Zoo

I wish we knew enough to know that we are all different and it’s important to move at our individual pace. It shouldn’t matter if your mates are doing way better than you are, the only thing to not be proud of is laziness but if you are hardworking, you do your job and get your pay, there should be no need to worry about the age factor right? I wish it was as easy as I have written.

Click Here To Join Our Email Community; Naked Minds

Are you also caught in hiding your real age? Do you sometimes wish you were three years younger? Oh, wait a sec. I know some people who wish they were older, are you one of them?  Let’s discuss the ‘Age factor’ and the way forward.

4 min read

“We can’t afford to wait for the world to be equal to start feeling seen. You’ve got to find the tools within yourself to feel visible, and to be heard and to use your voice”Michelle Obama

First, I will like to say I love love love love  Michelle Obama and I am so disappointed in myself for being an avid reader and haven’t read the novel, ‘Becoming’. Hopping on that now and will probably be sharing a review on that with you Mutterers soon.

So about the showpiece documentary, ‘Becoming’… can I say I love it for the umpteenth time? Because that’s what it is. The Netflix documentary follows meticulously the far-reaching facets of Michelle Obama’s life with a momentous reference to her experience as the first African-American First Lady of the United States. Michelle from her awe-inspiring point of view lets us in intimately on her past, present and the lofty bits expected from her near future. 

You know the rules, ‘Lessons’ over ‘Spoilers’, so shall we… Below are some key areas alongside their fundamentals I picked up from watching Michelle Obama for 89 minutes. You’ll be amazed.

Religion – God first! If you’ve watched ‘Becoming’, it will be hard to not observe that Michelle is not one to shy away from her religious beliefs despite the persistent torment from the press and unhealthy public opinion. It is hard to find someone occupying a position of such magnitude unapologetic about their belief. I am even more impressed at the very first scene of the movie which shows her listening to “A God Like You” by Kirk Franklin, she made it clear that’s how she begins her day. 

Becoming on Netflix - Soundtrack for Michelle Obama's Documentary

Family – Family is everything and it goes beyond blood ties. Asides from having to love and be there for her husband Barack Obama and her two girls Malia and Sasha, Michelle became a family model to her staff. I admire the bond between herself and Melissa Winter, her Chief-Of-Staff. How many staff today can boast of working with their boss for five years without any resentments? But Winter still works with Michelle for over twelve progressive years, Likewise Jin Allen who has been overseeing security for about the same number of years. And then we see the out-pour of emotions from her staff as she departs the White House…It’s all love and hearty cheers working with Michelle. 

Becoming review
Melissa Winter and Michelle Obama

Being Perfect – You fist bump with your husband and it is considered a secret terrorist handshake? Seriously?! Why would someone even think of that? Being the first lady, Michelle was faced with the burden of perfection. At every point, she always had to present herself as perfect because the press like Big Brother, was always watching. It was exhausting. ‘Becoming’ focuses on her overcoming perfection and clinging to the beauty of being herself. I guess this is why she has so many fans. In the eyes of the public, you can never always get it right. 

Becoming review
Being the first lady, Michelle was faced with the burden of perfection.

Fashion – Yasssss! As a fashion blogger, I can’t help but say that a clothing collection should be named after Michelle. Trust me, her fashion sense is one you cannot be oblivious to. From the perfectly manicured nails to the classy dresses and pants not to talk of the shoes. Oh, the shoes! Everything about Michelle just screams CLASS! No wonder her stylist had to mention she is no minimalist.

becoming review
Everything about Michelle just screams CLASS!

Life After The White House – Even after her departure from the white house, Michelle has continued to be a role model. She still maintains her stance on women empowerment, especially to the younger generation. We could see in the documentary that the basis of her tour is Inspiring, uplifting and motivating young girls and women.

becoming documentary
Michelle has continued to be a role model.

Becoming is one of the best autobiography films I have watched. I love its originality especially its use of emotions in relaying the progress of Michelle’s life. How she started from a small apartment to working her way through Princeton and Harvard, to marrying Barack Obama and ending up in the White House to become the most loved and controversial first lady is an enlightening transition.  And even after? She still sings back to my core. 

Behind The Scenes With Michelle Obama
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Obama’s

If you’ve seen ‘Becoming’ please share your thoughts with me in the comment section. And if you haven’t, feel free to gosh over the reasons you love Michelle Obama. 

 

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6 min read

Reading the Bizarre Experience story on Saturday, I thought to share mine. Mine although bizarre became a break in the clouds in the end.

One of my key prayer points in the university was to not fall victim of the sexual advances by lecturers. Thanks be unto God for not blessing me with ‘Overload’ (sure you know what I mean), it was easy for me not to be on their radar. You know what they say about old men liking it full, so I wasn’t even close to the centre of their eyes. 

sexual advances
One of my key prayer points in the university was to not fall prey for the moral degrading ‘sex for grades’ stunt by lecturers.

The year for Industrial Training came and I was super excited. I spent about a month going from one company to the other searching for a place, it was frustrating. I got to this particular company (name withheld) and the receptionist didn’t even let me sit,  “There is no vacancy for I.T students”, she yelled at me. This was the 5th company I was trying, I begged her and she literally called security to see me out, I cried o. Imagine scenes I watch in movies becoming my reality, not fair!

A week later, my neighbour gave me the contact of a lady who is a staff member of that same company. I  was so excited and went there the next day. You needed to see the amount of fury that expelled from the receptionist’s eyes the moment she saw me. I ignored her and went in with the staff I had contacted who then interviewed me and took me to the CEO’s office. 

Read: If You See Me Liking A girl, Shoot Me
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“Good morning sir”, my mousy nervous self reached out to exchange pleasantries

Typically CEO looking, a black pot-bellied man whose age dilly-dallied around the late 60s. Let’s call him Robin. “Good morning sir”, my mousy nervous self reached out to exchange pleasantries just about the same time my ‘connect’ did the introduction. Afterwards, she left us alone for further introduction.

Robin and I sat opposite each other, there was a huge conference table separating us. Skirt slightly below my Knee, high neck blouse, flat shoes, full stop earrings and everything modest was all intertwined with my small body. He appeared more interested in pressing his phone than listening to my answer to the “tell me about yourself” question he asked. Regardless I went on narrating.

Read: 5 Reasons To Avoid An Office Romance
sexual advances
He stood up, walked towards the window, looked outside and asked me to come to join him.

About fifteen minutes into his assessment, he stood up, walked towards the window, looked outside and asked me to come to join him. I obliged, went and stood beside him while maintaining a fair distance. Before I knew it, Robin grabbed my waist with his left hand and his right hand began surfing my blouse, trying to grab my small breast. I froze. My brain went blank. Whatever he was saying then, I wasn’t listening. His left hand was about going to my second boobs and that was when I finally moved. “me! How!”… I exclaimed in my mind. 

I couldn’t look at him but I heard him laugh and describe how sweet and innocent I looked like a child. I was disgusted, I wanted to run. “You can resume immediately”, he said with so much effrontery and then he gave me transport fare. Yeah, I collected it. I dragged my feet to the bus stop. My heart was heavy, I wanted to scream, imagine me with my small body. I got home, went straight to my room and cried myself to sleep. I contemplated going back, I prayed, motivated myself and finally said ‘WELCOME TO THE WORLD BABY GIRL, THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT’. 

sexual advances
The ball was in my court

I resumed and became Robin’s errand girl, which of course came with some side attractions like free lunch, t-fare and ‘keep the change’ syndrome. Yes, he tried again but I was in control. I think he was just mostly into breasts or probably because he knew I was a virgin. I avoided him like a plague, I gave him one excuse or the other, good thing he wasn’t always around. And then came a sully crown of ‘see finish’, I became rude to him and he kept his distance till my internship was over.

Fast forward six months after graduation, Robin rang my phone out of the blues. “My lost wife, you should be done with school by now. What are you doing at home? eating mummy’s food? Get your ass to my office.” It was at this point I knew I needed some confiding. I talked to my sister and my close friend and they assured me it was okay. The moment he set his eyes on me, he hugged me so tight but didn’t try anything stupid. I told him I was awaiting NYSC and he said I should start working for him while I wait. 

sexual advances
His sexual pressure increased, according to him, I couldn’t possibly be a virgin anymore.

Robin placed me in a male-dominated department which wasn’t so cool with me but he assured me I was going to do better there. His sexual advances increased, according to him, I couldn’t possibly be a virgin anymore. I kept resisting. I did everything to push him away and after working with him for four months, he couldn’t handle me denying him my body anymore, one day he finally summoned the guts and told me not to return.

Looking back, Robin was a blessing in disguise. With the skill I acquired there, I was able to get a better job. You’re probably wondering why I am sharing this right? Many girls if made to walk in my shoes, would have become bitter the moment Robin told them to leave and before you know it, they come out to dent his career with a sex scandal. Not to support sexual abuse but a lot of times when I hear a lady call out a man for taking advantage of her sexually, a part of me asks… “Are you coming out to say this because he stopped the milk flow?” “How about the good old days you benefited from his goodwill? Don’t the press deserve to know that part too?” 

sexual advances
There is the truth, and also the part where we filter the truth so that it’s bitter taste does not clog our taste buds.

Right now, I’ve got a skill I didn’t learn in school and it’s paying well. I’m glad I did not let my experience get the better of me. I love to believe I was smart in my dealings and played my cards well. Not disputing that it could have been worse for someone else but sometimes what we hear people narrate is not what really transpired. For every story we narrate, there is the truth, and also the part where we filter the truth so that it’s bitter taste does not clog our taste buds.

 

3 min read

I have noticed people open up more about certain experiences when someone talks about theirs first… so I am going to recall an experience that got me stopped dead in tracks; so shocked and mum! You probably might have gone through something similar or have felt how I felt in an entirely different scenario.

It is a very short story. I have only told one person about it and maybe telling more people could be a good thing.  It was during my first year in school, I was staying with my elder brother in the same house at Mushin, Lagos Nigeria. One particular night about some minutes past eight, I went out to get bread for dinner. I stepped out of the gate and was about to cross to the other side of the street but a bike was approaching in my direction so I decided to wait until it passed.

Read Dead Gaze! “Stop Staring At My Boobs”

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The bike man approached with so much speed where I stood, reached out with one hand and gave my boobs a tough squeeze and then continued speeding. I was shocked. He turned back and stared at me with a grin stoked up with mischief. ”You are mad!”… this was the best thing my weak voice could say.

I was really affected, I bought bread, and went home but I couldn’t eat because my appetite was long gone. I felt dirty and angry. I had already showered before I left home but I went back to the bathroom and spent close to ten minutes washing and scrubbing my body. The scene would not leave my head, it kept replaying over and over. I felt stupid for how I handled it. I should have pulled him off the bike. I should have thrown more insults at him. I should have picked up a stone or something… so many instances of what I could have done but what a shame, I did none of it.

Experience
I went back to the bathroom and spent close to 10 minutes of washing and scrubbing my body.

My brother came back from work and noticed I was dull but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I just felt dirty, like his hand made an imprint on my boobs that could never fade. It was a shitty night for me. I made a decision of giving myself a 6 pm curfew for the rest of my stay with my brother to avoid madmen roaming the street.

It happened a long time ago and I have gotten over it.  After that another happened, I was on a bike and one other idiot on a different bike reached out to slap my butt. These two incidents made me realize some people are just plain mad and I cannot be held responsible for how stupid they are.

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experience
Some people are just plain mad and I cannot be held responsible for how stupid they are.

The funny thing is until writing this, I didn’t tell my close friends except one because of the fear of getting flogged with words. I wasn’t in the mood for the ‘If it were me’ talks and blah blah bullshit. Frankly, if I were in their shoes, I would scold whoever the same way and probably ask why the two madmen went scot-free without an injury in their left eye at least. But here we are, I did nothing. Knowing you did nothing hurts and sitting all by yourself with so many scenarios of what you could have done becomes a pang of regret that lives with you long enough.

Like I said earlier, You probably might have gone through something similar or have felt how I felt in an entirely different scenario, how did you handle it? Are you okay now?

 

 

3 min read

Netflix’s new original movie, ‘The Half Of It’, takes a different but subtle angle on humanity’s conquest to simplify love in the eyes of teenagers who are all trying to make sense of life and also how love plays a large role in their individuality.

In the beginning, the main character, Ellie Chu (Leah Lewis) narrates and describes her life in an articulate and opinionated way. The animation in the introduction is a good touch. It shows the viewers a vague idea of what the title means and educates them with a part of mythology and then later it is revealed that she is writing an essay for her side business that involves doing her classmate’s papers in exchange of money.

As we are taken into a trip to this town, we can honestly say it is aesthetically pleasing. The normal and indifference of one’s teenage life through high school. Then there’s Paul Munsky, a character played by Daniel Diemer, a football player who glides through the social hierarchy and has his fair share of high school privilege.

The thing about ‘The Half Of It’ is, it strays away from the usual teenage flick where there are jocks, nerds and high school petty politics. Paul is in love with a beautiful woman Aster Flores (Alexxis Lemire), he then asks Ellie to write a letter to him. If you watch too many movies, you know well enough that these things always end up in a love triangle where one is bound to fall in love with the other, leaving the last one with a broken heart. Not this movie.

The Half of It
The letters show that Aster and Ellie share an unusual but special take on life

Although hesitant, Ellie yields. She writes the first one and then the next and then it went on. The letters show that Aster and Ellie share an unusual but special take on life; they understand each other on deeper and more intellectual levels that Paul would not get. Still, she made sure Paul would win Aster over, making an effort to teach him everything he needs to know.

This is the best part. This is an emotional journey and the way the friendship between Paul and Ellie blossoms is the great takeaway in ‘The Half of It’. She never opens up; she has this sad back-story of her mother dying and her father falling deep into dysfunctional tendencies. She is alone and unsure but Paul makes an effort to know her, to see more than what she usually shows. Their friendship is everything. A definition of love.

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The Half Of It
Their friendship is everything. A definition of not every love is a romance.

The Alice Wu direct may have given us different attempts to define it but in all, it shows us that friendship is itself a form of love. Bold strokes. I love the foreshadowing of the ending in the earlier part of the movie. Ellie and Paul are watching a scene from a film where a man is running with the train for a sad woman. Ellie thinks the man is a ‘moron’ for trying since he will never catch up the train but Paul argues that the woman is sad about it, she proceeds on saying that she is a moron too, for reasons that brought her to the position.

the half of it review
L-R; Leah Lewis, Alexxis Lemire

As Ellie leaves for college, Paul bids goodbye and runs with the train as she leaves. He is laughing and so does she, also crying. It is the biggest metaphor in the movie, how we are all morons with our own flaws and shortcomings, ending up in situations we would rather not be. Yet, we find ourselves growing, changing into better versions of who we are because of the consequences we take responsibilities for. It is all the other half of it.

If you’ve also watched  ‘The Half Of It’, I’ll like to know your opinion about the movie, please leave a comment.

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6 min read

When you’re a teenager and you’ve already gone first, second and almost third base, somehow you know that losing your virginity is just a matter of time. This is the story of the first time I had sex and lost my boyish innocence.

I was 17-years-old and was not in any relationship. I hadn’t a girlfriend yet, but I had come across a few girls (neighbors and school mates) who were willing to experiment. I touched breasts, caressed thighs, felt the lump in between their legs through their pants and attempted to kiss them unsuccessfully. While they in turn touched my penis through my clothes till I had a wet patch on my shorts.

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I was 17-years-old and was not in any relationship. I hadn’t a girlfriend yet, but I had…

As you become bolder, these kids become boring. And in my time, there were few teen girls who were sexually active, and I really wanted to feel what I have only imagined when reading Hints magazine and a few other novels. The writers made me believe that the moment my dick finds its way into a pussy, I would be out of this world. My imaginations were filled with how I’d thrust with the strength of a stallion and do all those things that always didn’t sound possible to me then like kissing her lips, neck, breasts and even her belly while maintaining a rhythm of thrusting into her as if that part of my body is on its own. I read in one of the stories then that girls even call out a man’s name when he’s thrusting in, I wanted that. I wanted to feel her hold me very tight and scream my name from her lungs. So I was ready.

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I wanted to feel her hold me very tight and scream my name from her lungs. So I was ready.

There’s this older girl I always got movies for, she was in her mid-twenties. She was just visiting her brother’s place and was very fond of me. So I did what I thought would stand as wooing her. I cleared my allowance, bought her favourite fruit drink for her with the latest movies from the video club. And she jokingly asked “this one you got me these, are you sure you’re not looking for something else than watching a movie with me?”. Then I asked “will you give it to me?” She laughed so hard I became embarrassed. But I didn’t run out like my mind told me to. I stayed back, to at least enjoy the movie I hired. 

Halfway into the movie, she whispered “have you ever done it with anyone before”, half excited that she knew my goal for being there…I said ” No, I have never”. She went back to the movie. At this time, I was just watching her legs from the shorts she’s wearing and imagining her breasts and how they would feel on my palms. This imagination got me hung like a horse with a hard on.

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she whispered “have you ever done it with anyone before”,

The movie finished. She got up and walked towards the door, I felt disappointed and thought “this is it, you tried”. Then I heard the door shut and bolted, I looked back and she smiled and said ” follow me”. She led me to her brother’s bedroom (it was a room and parlour), and she asked “do you have a condom?” I said Yes (excited. My friend Willi had given me a condom he always had in his wallet. He bequeathed it to me like a family heirloom, and expects to hear juicy gist.

She laid down on the bed on her back and asked me to join her. I quickly stripped off everything I was wearing including my boxers. She laughed as my dick popped up and pointed forward like a newly sharpened pencil. She was still clothed, so I started fumbling through my clothes, found the condom, and started struggling to open it. My heart was beating very fast and she came closer to me, took it from my hands, and with such precision tore it open and wore it on me with ease. It was the first time a girl touched the skin of my dick. And it felt inexplicably good.

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She came closer to me, took it from my hands, and with such precision tore it open

Then she pulled down just the short she wore along with the pants, and the images I’ve only seen the erotic photos popped up before me. She left her blouse on and was naked from the waist downwards. I quickly climbed up next to her, started positioning my dick with one hand as I went to grab her breast with the other hand, but she smacked the hand on her breast off and said “don’t touch me, just put it inside me”. I started fumbling, I didn’t know the hole. I even almost went for the anal opening. So she took my dick, guided it inside. It was a feeling that was just…wow.

I felt this new warmth over my dick first, then over my whole self and I started thrusting, hoping to make her squirm like in the stories, and even make her call my name. But as I thrust for about thirty seconds, I felt it…the rush, which only came when I masturbated, it took over me and I grunted as I felt semen oozing out of me and into…you know…lol. Then I collapsed on her, she laughed, rubbed my back and quickly said ” Oya get up, dress up and go. My brother will soon return”.

Read: What First Time Sex Is Like For Guys
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But as I thrust for about thirty seconds, I felt it…the rush, which only came when I masturbated,

I pulled out, she collected the semen filled condom, I wore my clothes, looked at her and said thank you, then left.  When I got to my house, I felt so disappointed. I just said “was this it?” sex felt too quick and sudden. I said okay, I will try again. After many rejections from her, she finally agreed again. This time I lasted longer, maybe seven minutes. I wouldn’t let myself ejaculate until she asked me to. Though she didn’t take her blouse off again (and no breasts or kissing for me)..,just thrusting with both hands on either sides of her belly.

After the second exercise, my feelings towards sex didn’t really change much, except for the bragging right that I have been with a woman. The experience didn’t come close to my imaginations, and I went on to become a celibate for the next nine years before I had sex with a smile on my face.

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The experience didn’t come close to my imaginations, and I went on to become a celibate for the next nine years before I had sex with a smile on my face.

Getting laid requires creativity.  It is so energy sapping, and for what, a few minutes of  excitement? If you’re still a virgin, I want to say kudos. Please hold on to it for as long as you can. Do everything you would as a young person before you have sex, because after you do…your drive drops and keeps dropping till you lose interest in certain goals. Here is a test to show you how much sex takes away. Go celibate for a period. You will see clearer, your energy will be top notch and your mind will be so sharp to create whatever you want to. Sex is not necessarily overrated, if anything, it is underrated. It is such a powerful thing that we take for granted to our detriment.

 

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4 min read

Prior to and during my secondary school education, I wasn’t given so much liberty, I attended a boarding school and was usually under surveillance but a girl’s got to have her way innit… I was really smart and versatile  and peculiar with many boy-girl tricks. It is safe to say no guy could pull a fast one on me. 

There was nothing like sex until I got to university at age 17. During my first year in school, I had a neighbour who I was fascinated by. You know this kind of guys who have charisma, mind their business and say little or no words to anyone yet girls trip, he is that kind. The times our paths crossed it would just be me having a glimpse of his shadow. Finally, my roommate introduced us as friends, unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

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Unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

I was young, vulnerable, feeble-minded and most importantly, finally free. I could decide what I want at any given time compared to the regimented kind of life I was familiar with. Gradually, we became close, I would ask my roommate to serve him meals whenever we cooked, I pitied him so much, sometimes I would say to myself, “poor boy that has no one, how would he cope?” As if I had anyone too..lol

While he was reserved and quite intelligent, I was the social and versatile one…As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as he wasn’t that experienced with the whole love thing. So we started a relationship that was beautiful whilst it lasted. Sex wasn’t a topic we talked about too much but we bore it in mind that it will happen at the right time when we were both ready.

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As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as…

Unplanned maybe, but it happened. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, a long burnt orange polo dress, I had made dinner for the both of us and we were having a good time. Things got a little slippery and off we went. Truly, I didn’t know what I was doing until I did it. It happened so fast…awkwardly sweet…and messy. I had to lead, I had to take charge… you know why? It was also his first sex too. I can’t really tell if I felt deep emotions, for me it was like a project that had to be executed and gotten over with. I actually wasn’t ready, I thought I was but I wasn’t.  So about the messy side…there was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time. No fun. As time went on, we transitioned into other sex styles, It took a while especially mental readiness before I started enjoying sex. 

Read: My boyfriend and I are both virgins. How do we get through our first time?
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There was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time.

Not against those who say sex is not a big deal, it is their opinion after all, for me, it actually is one big deal everyone should know about at the early stage of their life. Talks, sessions, advises, etc should be offered in this regard. Do not let children pick up stories from the wrong people and term it as knowledge or experience. If you want to abstain, you need to understand the reason why you want to abstain or why you are told to do so, not just following the bandwagon. Also to parents and guardians, approach matters a lot. Whatever approach you want to use to hold your point, make sure you drill your point and explain rightly up till the root, and be sure you are well understood and not assumedly perceived. A lot of people lose their virginity because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t. As partners, if you decide to be celibate, here are questions you can ask yourselves;

  1. Why Celibacy?
  2. What happens when we do, what is our gain?
  3. What are we looking forward to?
  4. What if we don’t?
Why Should You Practice Abstinence For Sexual Celibacy? | Penile ...
Why celibacy?

These above pointers also apply to singles. People should not put themselves under the societal pressure of ‘going celibate’ or ‘keeping their virginity’ when they don’t have deep insight into the core values and heavenly blessings surrounding it. Like the bible puts it in Hosea 4:6,  “my people perish because of lack of knowledge”, I think that’s what is wrong with a lot of us. I don’t have regrets, but I wish I would have had it in a better way. I have moved from it and have learnt to make my choices wisely.

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