Mutterers Club, Author at MutteringMinds

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The Mirage of Marriage Vows; Why I Cheat on my Wife

By Mutterers Club March 11, 2021

7 min read

Things are never as they seem especially when you’re not walking in the exact shoes. I wouldn’t want to conclude that we lie through our teeth when we make some affirmations about ourselves, all I’ll say is that exuberance gets the better part of us when we do. Until push comes to shove, we will never know who we really are, until then, we keep qualifying ourselves with words that sound good, portray us in a fine light, and most apt of all, massage our ego.

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“After my graduation, I am going to marry a beautiful damsel, I’m going to treat her like a queen; I will never cheat on her or lay my hands on her. I am going to so pamper her to a point where people will think she uses voodoo to control me, but I won’t care.” These were the aesthetic words my elder brother used in describing his envisaged marriage to his best friend during a conversation in 1993, I was fortunate to hear them converse and I decided that very moment it was going to be my life too. But how unfortunate, my elder brother had married three times since 1999.

Few months before I got married to my sweetheart less than a decade ago, I told myself that no other woman would have carnal knowledge of me. Cheating was a huge NO for me, I felt too sure I was going to uphold my marriage vows till I’m six feet beneath. However, a few weeks after our wedding, my heartbeat had to jet off Nigeria to head a company overseas, she, unfortunately, wouldn’t be visiting home in about twelve months.

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Oh, I didn’t tell you that I love sex more than food, I easily point out the weakness and lack of skills of many porn stars effortlessly. I am that good. My libido is indescribable. I studied sex. My baby is extremely good too. Now, we were about to leave without it for more than a year, it didn’t look like a big deal because I held our marriage vows sacred and the love we share is precious too.

cheating on my wife (blue balls) — Source- Times of India

However, after many months went by, I started to feel very uncomfortable anytime I got aroused through wet dreams or sensual thoughts; I felt serious pain in my testicles. When a man is aroused, sperm is generated in the testicles and the sperm gathered in the scrotum causes discomfort because they are not released. I took to a habit of masturbation to get rid of the semen out of my system but only a little semen can be released through masturbation. Also, coupled with all the other side effects and the disadvantages of masturbation, I became frustrated and very sex-starved.

The Last Straw

For a while, I still kept on with masturbation because it was the most I could do, I couldn’t tell my wife how I was feeling sexually for fear of distrust with her thinking I might be tempted to cheat. One day, I was out with a female friend in an open space but for some reason, I couldn’t place it, I got aroused in the process, maybe because I hadn’t come that close to a female since my wife traveled. I was having an erection as we spoke and couldn’t bear the pain in my testicles too as I could neither stand nor walk to where I would board a cab. The pain was so much that two people alongside the lady had to come over to help me stand on my feet.

“Are you sex-starved?” the lady asked me days after the incident while she came visiting me at home. The question made me stutter, I was embarrassed to admit it, apparently, she linked what happened the other day to lack of sex. She offered to give me a blowjob with a stern warning never to touch her because she was a virgin. Somehow the bias of it being just a blowjob and the fact that she was a virgin made it sound cool. I was torn between upholding my marital vows or setting for a blow job.

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“It’s just a blow job, nothing more! Calm down”, I said these words in my mind trying to justify the act; after all, I won’t have to kiss her nor sex her right? I obliged and she seductively unbelted my trouser and got working on my dick. I knew I was cheating on my wife regardless of my zest to justify it as “just a blowjob”. While she kept taking my dick in and out of her mouth with numerous strokes, I didn’t forget about my marriage vows. I remembered the beauty of my wife and the excellence of our marriage but none of them could stop me at this point. To feel less of a sinner, I at some point imagined it was my wife performing the act, her facials and moan but…

cheated on my wife; blow job — Source- Amazon

THE BEGINNING AND HICCUPS

Truthfully, It was one of the best relievers I had had in a long time; my semen was as warm as pap and I felt better. The act crowned the beginning of my life as a cheating husband because tell you what, I can’t stop even if I tried. And despite showing off my marital status, the ladies I meet still wanted me in bed.

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Do I feel sad for being a cheat? At the initial stage, I felt bad, but there’s something about committing a sin without getting caught that makes you want to do it over and over. For some weird reasons, it feels like the ladies I usually have extramarital affairs with makes the bond with my wife stronger. My getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere makes me bug less about her return, all I do is support her with affection over the phone and dish career advice.

No one ties the knot with a mindset that they are going to cheat, circumstances make people cheat. Maybe I would still be cheating on my wife if the distance wasn’t a barrier because who knows, another factor could have led to cheating. For instance, my best friend married his virgin angel who has a lower libido than him, they created a love-making timetable but the lady would choose to fast and pray the day they ought to make love just to avoid sex. My friend is now an unrepentant cheat.

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Olu, my friend married his sex-freaked girlfriend, they share three children but he loves to have sex with ladies with much better touches. His wife enjoys penetration, she is not really good at oral sex and she doesn’t see why she has to learn it. Today, the beautiful haven they had as a home is now a beautiful past event.

Spit or Swallow - A Blow Job Beginner's Guide to Spitting or Swallowing — Source- Cosmopolitan

Tope, my old neighbor lost his wife to a distant friend because he stopped showering and brushing his mouth before going to bed as he felt it is not really important like it used to be when they were dating. He cried, he begged but he lost her after more than a year of her cheating behind closed doors.

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I also have a lady friend that got married to her first university love and his cheating lifestyle began after two kids. The lady got solace from a male friend that was also broken and the chemistry was irresistible, in the process, she discovered love-making can be heaven on earth; she thus desired much more of it.

FINITO!

One bitter truth no one likes to voice is that marriage vows do not stop cheating. Cheating is not necessarily an absence of love but certainly an absence or presence of some variables. Research tells us that more than 50% of couples felt they married the wrong persons in the first five years of their marriages. Many of them desire divorcé and/or engage in extramarital affairs. Time, events, and unity of purpose are what solidifies marriages, not vows or promises.

Do I think my wife is cheating on me too? Most likely yes! But I’ll be a very foolish man to ask her that question. At some point, she’d have wanted sex and a man gotta do what he gotta do right?

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I decided to share my story here especially for people who think that marriage vows are everything needed to keep a home, and to those who condemn divorcees and write comments on blogs affirming “I don’t care what happens, my own marriage will work”. Interesting! Do you really think these couples didn’t fight to protect their marriage? Do you think they gave up just like that? Only he that wears the shoes knows where it pinches most so I’ll advise you to wait your turn.

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Just like I’ve relayed my experience sincerely, I’ll like to ask, can you open up to your spouse or partner if you cheated on them? My wife will be home soon finally, never to be apart and I really want us to work, I want us to start making babies too and I’m thinking the first step should be opening up about my cheat life with hopes that I don’t go back to committing such sin again and also so I don’t feel guilty. Would the best approach be letting her in on my cheat life? If you are in her shoes, would you forgive me?

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Also, I’ll like to ask the married ones reading this, have you ever cheated on your spouse? How did you feel the first time you cheated? If you’ve stopped cheating, how did you manage to navigate back to morality? I’ll appreciate your comments👇👇👇.

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MUTTERERS CLUB

Office Romance: Freaky Sexcapades With My Boss

By Mutterers Club February 18, 2021

7 min read

Rules are slippery, especially the ones we’ve set for ourselves. You hold so hard and because you’re not accountable to no one, it sometimes becomes like a cube of melting ice in your palm, the more you cling to it, the more you lose grip. When it comes to finding attraction, nursing it, and maybe turning it into love, we all have our preferences and barriers, but sometimes these urges treat us like Judas. I used to tell myself that no matter the amount of horniness my body exuded, the office space was definitely out of the question. But hell no, the office space hath no danger like my gasping libido.

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So this very day I was at work and felt the pressing need to pee, I could not use the gents because I was outside the office building so I resolved to make use of a sharp corner outside (typical Nigerian man style). I was completely jolted from my pressure relief as I heard my boss called my name at a very close range. “Romeo! Romeo!” I never heard any footsteps prior to then, perhaps I was too carried away obeying the call of nature and enjoying the soothing relief.

Still letting out urine, I turned slightly to my left, and behold, my boss stood, lust, watching the size of my dick as it relieved itself. Her gaze made me shocked too that we both stood transfixed staring at each other in a synchronous surprising mood for a few seconds. To make matters worse, I could not bury my dick back into my brief as it all happened in the middle of the shower. She surprisingly stood and watched until the last drop. I jingled the bell and tucked my dick in while acting like it was nothing but an unplanned occurrence. I guess that awakened her consciousness as she breathed and whisked me off to point out a flaw in a work I did earlier. We both acted as nothing happened.

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My boss is a very beautiful woman who is moderately tall and has a well-built body. We both have a very cordial relationship, we make jokes about almost anything and we both are sort of close. After that day, I could read from her mood around me that she was quite disturbed about the incident. Whatever she had in mind I could not tell but she sure wore a strange countenance. Also, days after the incident, she took an interest in addressing me as ‘big boy‘ and sometimes joked with me saying she is sure my girlfriends are lucky. Well, I didn’t overthink it as we were cordial before what happened and slightly used to have relationship conversations and other topics that transcend workplace stuff, but never did we cross the line of erotic thoughts for each other.

OOPS!!!

“Don’t your girls complain of your size?” huh!! I didn’t know the reaction to give on this fateful day when she threw the question from the blues. We had coincidentally closed late from work as I had to finish some jobs that day in her private office space. As expected, two idle minds trying to keep each other company in a silent space, we delved into a variety of topics, sex inclusive.

Read: Sexual Advances and a Halt in the Milk Flow

The question had my head rotating 360 but gosh! I couldn’t feign ignorance as the nature of our discussion had already laid a foundation for such. I shyly responded “No” without looking her in the eye and this made us both giggle at each other. She then opened up to me about how that incident messed up her day and still sometimes fucks with her head. That moment where someone lets you in on their secret and you gotta play cool so that they feel comfortable, I made her believe it was nothing. “Can I catch a little glimpse again?” Huh?! Did I hear correctly or my ears are messing with me? Did my boss just ask to see my dick?! Wow! I wasn’t sure how to react, putting two and two together wasn’t forthcoming. Should I unzip my trousers? Is this a fucking test? My dick was already giving some tensioning nods inside my briefs.

Image result for hard erection inside jeans — Source- Daily Mail

The farthest I’ve heard this kind of scene occurred is usually on pornhub (boss sucks and squeezes secretary’s titties after work🤭). Never thought a day like that would come where I’ll have my share of office romance. While she stared waiting for my next move, I found myself unhooking my belt, I then dropped my boxers, and showed her my dick. The tension in the room became too high, she stared at my dick like she wanted something more. Dumbfounded! my adrenaline was pumping high, I became fully erect.

Read: When You No Longer Work There

“Wow”, she said, breaking the silence. “Care to touch some?” I responded. At this point she’s seen it all, so I didn’t care if my questions crossed the line. It felt like I could hear her heartbeat loud and clear, she came closer and reached for my dick. From little strokes to very fast ones, my dick got engulfed in a highly pitched massage. Just when I thought she still had a little shyness reserved, she gleefully went down on me with a blowjob. I won’t lie, she good. I saw her transform from the gentle boss I thought she was to a wilding just the way I like it. She demanded I gagged her with my dick pounding in her mouth which I obliged and after a while, I erupted in her mouth. Although she didn’t let me insert in her orifice, I had enough pussy juice to lap on and also tongued her soft rounded ass. What a day! This was the start of our office romance.

Subsequently, we developed the habit of working late hours just to have sex or meeting at secluded places to have quickies. I recollect pounding her on her table, giving her doggy not less than twice in her toilet, and of course, tending to her facesitting fetish which became our routine during foreplay. Anyone who has fetishes would understand the pleasure derived from it. We almost got caught and that was the end of our office sex. Although we still had it one more time after then, we did a whole lot outside the office thereafter.

Should You Have Office Romance?

I’ve seen a lot of folks vehemently rebuke the idea of dating or having a fling with someone in their workspace, department, church, etc. well I also was that way too. However in this case, my boss was actually a switch. She knew how to assume the role of a boss whenever people were around, you could even swear I was her least preferred staff. We also did not let the romance get into business. We were mature enough to separate the two into parallel lines that never met.

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Office romance 90% of the time is inevitable, it’s the same way you see a random chic in your hood or church and fall in love or play dirty with. And like every relationship has some subliminal rules, one founded in the office should too. My advice to anyone who wants to try office romance is you have to be very discreet and mature enough to handle it.

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I’ve read beautiful stories of co-workers falling in love and eventually getting married. Likewise, some stories ending in premium tears. In my case, a happy ever after wasn’t the goal though, I really enjoyed my time with her and made up my mind to not be pissed whenever it came to a halt. And yeah it ended, boss had to fly overseas to further her studies.

Have you ever had a fling or dated anyone in the same workspace with you? How did it turn out? And If you’re averse to having romantic affairs with your colleagues, I’ll like to know why. Also, why is it that office management frowns at love affairs in the workspace? I’m of the opinion that since it involves two adults who know how to effectively go about their daily activities, it shouldn’t be a big deal you know. What do you think? I’ll like to hear your experience and take too in the comment section😅👇.

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ASK THE MUTTERERS

To Follow Family and Lose Love? He is an Osu!

By Mutterers Club February 4, 2021

6 min read

Hello Muttering Minds, I feel too broken at heart to say the least and I’m hoping you can share my story…

What is love really? What’s the essence of love if at the end of the day family still has to decide who you should love? What is love if we still have to abide by the rules our forefathers made a thousand years before we were born?

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In 2016, I met this lovely dude, we kicked off as friends and so quickly started to share a special affection for each other. We fell in love without any friction and by mid-2017, we started dating. So much love to give, he’s cool, romantic, and sweetly annoying. Despite our silly fights and challenges, we always have ways of overcoming as a couple.

osu caste — “So much love to give, he’s cool, romantic, and sweetly annoying” ( Pic source- The Grand Home Design)

Dude knows how to tolerate my mood swings which could sometimes cross the border, but we cool. I don’t know if words do justice to how much I am in love with him but it is what it is. We’ve been through low blows, tear-jerking moments and for a fact, he makes me believe in the existence of true love that I cannot help but imagine spending the rest of my life with him. He’s a romantic.

Read: Finding Your ‘Spec’ and the Flipsides

At last year’s crossover (2020), I got to meet his family. Prior to the time, I usually felt nervous over the thought of “meeting the family” (I guess it’s normal). I always imagined most importantly if they’d like me, how to behave, you know these horror mother-in-law stories we hear. But his is different. The few days I spent with his family felt like I had known them for ages. The love was so genuine, it wasn’t one of those where you can smell pretense, No! I felt really welcomed. I could tell that love lives in his family.

osu caste system — “I could tell that love lives in his family” (pic source- Yes! Magazine)

Fast forward to meeting mine to discuss marriage… My man also had the same phobia, he decided seeing my mum first will be best as he believes she could talk on his behalf to my dad first. According to him, most fathers are usually not arms open at the first meeting, which I agreed to. Fortunately, he found favor in my mum’s eyes, she thought he was cool, so we decided to climb the step further to meet my dad.

The Shocker!

My man visited home and got talking with my dad. I hail from the eastern part of Nigeria, I’m Igbo, and precisely from Imo state likewise my man. In my culture, when a man comes to seek a lady’s hand in marriage (popularly called ‘knocking on the door’), asking where he’s from, his origin, is a primary question.

Read: Scary Tales About Marriage; Should the Union Have An Expiry Date?

My dad inquired about his roots, the name of his village, and stuff. As soon as he mentioned the name of his village, my dad’s facial expression became sour. “We do not marry from this place! We do not marry your people, it is an abomination!”, my dad said without remorse, adding that he would make further investigation again about my man’s village. It happens that my man is an Osu (outcast).

Osu Practice In Igbo Land

If you’re not Igbo (even some Igbo’s don’t know this), the Osu caste system is as old as the Igbo tradition. The origin dates back to the era where Igbo villages were ruled by the laws of the earth Odinani. The deity known as Ala had some rules that must be obeyed (just like a country has its constitution). Those who broke any of these rules or were found guilty of grave offenses were cast away from the land as it was believed their presence will bring ill fortune to the village. The offenders were regarded as Osu. Sometimes the Osu’s could be used as slaves or sold for slavery or enslaved in shrines to serve the deities ruling the land and also if the community needed a human’s blood sacrifice for cleansing or during festivals, the Osu’s were used. Osu’s were also deprived of homes and made to sleep in shrines or marketplaces.

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Image result for osu caste system images — Pic Source- Gospel Blaze

The Osu’s were not allowed to have social interactions let alone marriage with the freeborns (non-offenders) as they are considered as bad luck. It is fondly said that whenever a freeborn marries an Osu, his/her life turns around for the worst. In modern times, some Igbo traditional rulers like the Obi of Onitsha in October 2018, made a move to ensure the Osu caste system is abolished. Also, some traditional leaders in Oguta Local Government filed a motion to end the madness, urging that people do not deserve to face the wrath that comes with the sins of their age-long ancestors. I also read somewhere that Nnamdi Azikwe while he was alive moved a motion for the abolishment in 1956 in the Eastern Nigerian House of Assembly but it was a fruitless motion.

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So far, some parts of Igbo land claim it’s no longer practiced but a greater number still hold it highly even though modernization has quenched the loudness surrounding it.

I’m Broken

Imagine one person in your lineage committed a crime as far back as a thousand years ago and you still suffer the punishment/ discrimination in this 21st century. I’m broken, I’m confused, and I feel too hurt. My dad has refused to give ears to whatever concerns marriage to my man despite my man saying his family is not one.

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I feel depressed, betrayed, frustrated, and for the most of it, unloved by my family. My mother who described my man as cool no longer sees him as such, my three sisters except one have also turned their backs against me. They keep fuelling the fire urging that I must end the relationship with my man otherwise I will bring curses upon our family. I never imagined I was going to face something this grave. My man doesn’t mind going all out to ensure we get married. His family is also very welcoming and wants me but not without my father’s blessings.

What should I do? Should I follow love and face the consequences of being disowned forever by my family? Or follow family and lose love? I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love my man, I cannot process the thought of letting go and starting all over. Imagine a whole four years down the drain, It’s suicidal, I find it hard to process.

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I need help. If you’re reading this and have ever been at crossroads in deciding if to choose love or family (on the grounds of religion or culture), I need your advice. Maybe you’re an Osu too or you got married to one, please talk to me. Did anything bad happen to you? I need help, I can’t make this decision on my own. Do family blessings matter in a marriage? Is a father’s blessing important or overrated when it comes to marriage? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I’ll appreciate your sincere comments. 👇👇

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A Guilt to Live With? My Abortion Story…

By Mutterers Club January 21, 2021

8 min read

If you lose your voice at a pharmacy while requesting to purchase a condom or contraceptive because of how embarrassing you think it is, now imagine trying to purchase a pregnancy kit and thereafter requesting an abortion. It’s a blend of too many ugly emotions; you automatically feel you’re a walking disgrace especially knowing you are unmarried. And not excluding the unfriendliness of the medical practitioners in this part of the world who rather than carry out their job decides to play the role of a moral watchdog to your conscience.

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The thought of abortion, talk more of carrying out the act, has since time past raised a lot of eyebrows and this makes me even more aware that my story will also trigger your brows up too (but I hope you don’t judge me, at least not too much).

A new month was close to being over and I hadn’t seen my period. I was sexually active but since I’ve been careful for as long as I recall, I refused to accommodate any cause for alarm. But it started to feel like the month was watching me feel all relaxed, so it started to speed off. I became scared, I tried to recall my sexual escapades…” But I used a condom or didn’t I?”. Oh God! I fondly exclaimed anytime the thought of pregnancy crossed my mind. I began to beg God that if he takes the imagined pregnancy away, I’ll never have sex again in my life. The paranoia I felt praying for my period was intense. I begged God that even if it came with so many cramps, I wouldn’t mind, gosh! Anything to see my period at that time.

After a fruitless wait for my period, some weird symptoms became very noticeable in my body. I shoved it away and tagged it as my mind playing tricks but deep down I knew there was something wrong. I got into another phase of contemplating the shame and rehearsing how to walk into a pharmacy with a stone-cold face and purchase a pregnancy test kit so I’ll know the way forward.

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I had been having sex with my ex, I know right! I bet your eyebrows just raised a bar. But it’s been hard to let go and to cut the story short, it’s very COMPLICATED. I let him in on how I had been feeling for a few weeks and the clown was happy. He wanted me to keep the baby if I confirmed it and agreed to make us official.

Finding Out and Contemplating an Abortion…

My greatest nightmare came true, I was pregnant. The stripe test read positive ooo and tell you what, it was the fifth one, I was so in denial that I kept purchasing different brands of test kits until I finally accepted the truth.

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The smile, the rage, and fear I had swirling around inside me. I was legit laughing, crying, and shaking. Apart from being mentally and financially unfit to mother a child, MY MUM!!!! She’ll kill me. The news of a coming child is good but the circumstances surrounding it can make it bad. Getting pregnant out of wedlock too wasn’t part of the plan.

Breaking the news to my ex that I was three weeks gone, he was happy but I wasn’t having it. “I’m not keeping the baby, I need funds to have an abortion”, I said to him crying. He got so pissed, sad, and was for a while speechless. He’s rich, hardworking, and handsome and the ideal man most ladies dream to have in their lives, so fending for a baby wasn’t his problem. But I cannot! A child in my life right now will ruin and halt too many things that involve climbing my career ladder. Again I have this phobia for marriage (a close example is that of my parents), it will be terrible enough to get into it for the sake of a child, and no way in God’s name will I take on the title of a baby mama either.

Despite trying to persuade me and refusing to send me the money, my mind was still bent on an abortion. Hello!! It might be your baby I’m carrying but it’s my body we’re talking about here, I can’t keep this child. After more back and forth, he sent the money but refused to follow me to the hospital.

My Search Journey for a Coded Ultimate Solution…

Talking about abortion like I mentioned earlier is taboo, so I became very careful about who to talk to. I asked very few friends who had at one point or the other in prior conversations made mention of knowing someone who knows someone that has used certain drugs or had done a D & C abortion surgery.

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I finally got a name of a particular drug to purchase but all the pharmacies I visited in my neighborhood succeeded in making me look foolish. It was either no response or an unclear one accompanied by a judgmental stare. I got tired and began to read up on pills on Google and this even made me weaker. It mostly hinged on the complications especially in cases of having leftovers. Also reading that aborting via drugs was a slow process and I needed to have someone by my side for the first three days became discouraging. I needed to get rid of it once and for all.

I left home to avoid any suspicion from my mum to a friend’s place who I eventually opened up to. I really thank God I did cause asides that she was so caring, she happened to have a link to a doctor who knew about D & C operation. I spoke to the doctor over the phone and after a series of confidential questions, he scheduled an appointment.

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During the appointment, a scan was recommended so as to know the location of the fetus. The scan detected a thick form developing already but the lab attendant advised that I waited till after 2 weeks before they could see anything. “TWO WEEKS!!” I laughed quite dangerously, it’s like he missed the memo, he thought it was a blissful phase for me. Hell no! I took the scan result to the doctor immediately who advised me to run a blood test to be sure, well it still came out positive.

“Miss ******, you’re pregnant, what do you want to do now?”, lol, these people must think I came here for laughs. That was quite some humor though, the doctor got some sarcasm. “You don’t want to keep it, why now? didn’t you know when you were enjoying yourself?” oooh! Now he’s beginning to act as my assistant conscience. I thought we already discussed this? Long story short, after proper checks and documentation, and advice that I get an IUD afterward, we proceeded for the abortion which was successful but not without terrible pains.

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About the IUD… it’s a form of family planning. A copper IUD was inserted into my uterus. It’s a small t-shaped coil with a rope that was cut a little but I can still feel it whenever I insert my finger in my vagina. I’m grateful the doctor introduced that to me actually because these days you really cannot put all your trust in condoms. He also noted the IUD cannot prevent infection.

The coil (IUD) abortion — IUD Coil (Image source Net Doctor)

The Disturbing Images and Guilt After…

When I mentioned ‘not without terrible pains’, it’s no joke. I had never felt so much pain before in my life. The pain became a pain even in my memory. For a long time, I couldn’t get over the images of him sticking a device into my vagina to suck out the pregnancy blood. Gosh! I screamed in tears, I wish I was given anesthesia because the pain was terrible. I for one resolved it was the punishment I had to bear. He kept sticking this big device in, pumping and pumping while all I could do was scream repeatedly.

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My memory wouldn’t let go of the result of all he pumped out. He presented it to me before disposing of it like he knew it would hunt me later. For a while, my mind kept playing tricks that there was a half-formed baby inside the pool of blood. Lowkey, I was depressed.

I had no doubt about wanting an abortion; I felt it was my best choice. But however afterward, the guilt hits. I felt too much guilt, especially the day I went to church and my pastor made a call on women seeking the fruit of the womb. The numbers had me cringing; “see people looking for kids and I took my own away”, the guilt slapped so hard. Thanks to my friend who talked me out of it, according to him the devil is trying to mess with my mind and I mustn’t give in.

But should abortion be tagged as a sin? I couldn’t fend for a child, so I had to get rid of it. I felt so messed up recalling all the anti-abortion Christian talks and morals from elders. But wouldn’t it have been crueler for me to birth a baby and be negligent towards its need? More than guilt, I feel more relief knowing I’m not pregnant (yet). If you ask me, I’ll say that abortion should be legal in every country and more open for discussion rather than in secrecy. Although legalizing it might welcome more promiscuity, but I’m certain it will help reduce the population of starving kids as well as incompetent parents.

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To the ladies reading my story, have you ever had an abortion? Did you suffer from guilt afterward? What were your coping mechanisms? Also, what will do if you wanted an abortion and the father of the baby refuses? To the men, have you ever been at crossroads in getting your lady to have an abortion or not? Generally, I’ll love to know your sincere take on abortion. Thank you Muttering Minds for allowing me to share a part of my maybe ‘ugly’ past (depends on your view). Please I’ll appreciate your comments and maybe advice👇👇.

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ASK THE MUTTERERS

My Crooked Smile Experience as a Lesbian in Nigeria

By Mutterers Club December 13, 2020

7 min read

Sexuality is one of the biggest parts of who we are, it’s a key part of our characteristics that goes a long way into defining our personhood. Your sexuality is like your shadow, you can quench the light to avoid a clear image, but it wouldn’t stop following you everywhere you go. It is part of you.

About a month ago, I read a story on this blog about a lady who narrated how she skipped becoming a lesbian, my story is similar, not skipped, but dipped in a lezzy puddle… I am a lesbian.

lesbian in Nigeria muttering minds — Source- Pitzer College

From the moment I became 9-years-old, my parents started to become insecure because of my rapid growth, I was full in my chest, curvy, and looking sexually attractive for my age. They decided an all-girls school would save me from boys and unnecessary distractions, so my schooling was immediately processed to a missionary school; the holier the better I guess. I was advised to study hard only.

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You know how it is, getting to a new environment, you wanna know what really goes down in Las Vegas. The first orientation I got was tales of how senior students would try to lure junior students to sleep with them. Being inquisitive, I wondered how it would feel like laying with the same sex, I was young and wasn’t even nursing any sex drive. There were some targeted seniors whose names were mentioned to me as lesbians so I had a close gaze fixed on them.

One day during siesta, I decided I wasn’t going to sleep, luckily or maybe unluckily for me, I found these sets of seniors in an enclosed space making out. I could have run off to my room and pretended like I never saw a thing but instead I watched to a point where I got so aroused. Since the incident, I’ll reminisce on all they did and get even more aroused. That memory and feeling lived with me, the more I tried to suppress it, the more I yearned to replicate it with my girlfriends.

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In my JSS 2, my craving for girls became stronger. I heard of how people were caught in the act so I was scared to try or think about it. My school was a missionary school but I saw lots of nasty things girls do. In my JSS 3, a senior approached me to be friends but I declined because everyone knew she was a lesbian. I mean she could have been one in secrecy, I wouldn’t mind, but getting along with someone stale would let my caged cats out of the bag to the whole school.

lesbian in nigeria — Source- The Guardian

There’s this bonding category thing we did in school then, we get to pair ourselves up for example as PALs(PERSONAL Admirable Lover), SALs (secret admirable lover), a class friend, a JAF(Just A Friend), and even vals during valentines day. This made me have access to different girlfriends for several purposes. They knew my intention but were scared to try anything out rather we’ll give ourselves pecks, jokingly touched each other’s breast and emphasized how soft, small or big it was.

Read: Men Talk! How to Get Rid of Boners in Public

In my SS1, we were mixed with seniors in the hostel and as fate would play, the senior that tried to toast me in Js3 was in my room. She began sending me love letters which had a way of sparking up my sensual appetite, I looked forward to them.

One night, she asked me to sleep on her bed, I agreed. She made attempts to touch me, I refused yet agreed to a kiss. It was my first kiss! It felt good, I wanted more but held back. Unluckily for me, my school mother who was in the same class with her somehow found out we spent the night together and came to accuse me of being a lesbian. I denied it. From there, the gist raised so much dust in the school and without hearing me out, my senior lover broke up with me. My first heartbreak! I was hurt! I cried so much! I pleaded for a comeback, but she was totally done with me. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, her smell, towel, beddings, and how soft her skin was even though we didn’t smooch. I wish we actually did.

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Well, much later that year, I got close to one of my mates who was very much sexy. I remember vividly our first encounter up the bunk where we talked about sex and one talk lead to another, she asked to make out with me, to which I agreed. When everyone was asleep, she started touching me, it felt so good. I turned to her and we kissed intensely, she touched my breast and smooched my body. I couldn’t help but cooperate, I had never felt that way before. The sensual urge made me feel so wet and then she fingered me countlessly which I enjoyed even more.

That night opened my eyes going forward. I wanted more of that feeling, I wanted to be around females who looked like they wanted to experiment, I became less apologetic about lesbianism, and couldn’t wait to get out of school.

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LEAVING SCHOOL & BEYOND

Leaving school was a different ball game entirely, all the girls I met were all talking about one male crush or the other, the sex adventures they looked forward to, and worse off, I discovered that the outer world was even more hostile about lesbianism. It became more scary and shameful to talk about my sexuality.

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I pressured myself into having a relationship with a male, just to be sure there was nothing wrong with me. We had good sex but believe me, it wasn’t as great as the lady I had been with. To enjoy the sex, I’ll imagine I was sexing a lady, her eating me out, sucking my boobs until my nipples turn red and more… all these imageries to get me to enjoy my time with a man. Maybe I am bisexual, just maybe…all I know is I prefer anything sensual with females.

Luckily for me one time, I reconnected with my high school lover, that chic, and we had the most erotic bedroom adventure ever. Asides from the romance, the emotions, getting to hold a lady after such a long time, looking into her eyes and stuff, felt like magic. That moment gave me the closure I needed on my sexuality. I accepted that I am a lesbian and there was nothing I could do about it other than to live with it.

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Although It’s hard to find lesbians who come out open in Nigeria, because of the stigma, we connect through groups online and so far I have met a handful of amazing lesbians. Sometimes if it’s my lucky day, I get approached by a lady. Somehow I feel scared that I might have to bend for society someday because I wanna get married and have kids. So far the men I’ve met and opened up to about my sexuality appeared cool but marriage might not be easy. I have this idea of having a threesome with my husband, I think I can stomach it that way.

On this note, I’ll like to add that the world is unfair to my kind, especially in Africa, Nigeria. Sex is one of the most popular topics discussed on a daily, yet it is truncated. How do you ask a person their opinion about sex without asking them about their sexuality? This should go hand in hand. Straight people enjoy sex talk until you let them in on your secret and then they make you feel creepy about it. What’s so creepy about being a lesbian or bisexual? How hard is it for straight people to understand that just the same way they cannot explain how they arrived at their sexuality, it’s the same for others?

Read: Hypocrites! Homosexuality Is Not A Crime

Even though my profession will not permit me to identify with my sexuality, I hope that one day LGBTQ is made legal in Nigeria. Being bisexual, gay, or lesbian in Nigeria is not something that should be a secret, it’s something we should be bold about, we are humans too and deserve equal treatment. There are many LGBTQ persons in Nigeria, it could be your sister or your little brother who’s always by himself, seeming depressed and with low self-esteem. This, to say the least, is what suppressing sexuality does to a person, it’s suicide.

Let me ask you, in a world that’s homophobic if your child told you they were gay or lesbian, what would you do? I’ll also love to hear your candid opinion on homosexuality in Nigeria and if you are not straight, please feel free to leave me an insight on your sexuality discovery and journey. How did you get there? when did you discover YOU? And so far how’s it been? The admin assured me here is a safe place, hence a partly motivation for sharing my story, I look forward to your comments. 👇👇

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MUTTERERS CLUB

Dating: The Older the Berry OR…

By Mutterers Club December 3, 2020

9 min read

Hehehehehehe😁…laughter not too funny yet funny☺…Shall we? So this is our first virtual court case on Muttering Minds where both warring parties don’t get to see yet debate tooth and nail on my proposed topic, weighing the odds and bright sides from their personal biased view😉.

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Shall we? Is age really just a number especially when it comes to relationships or a sour lime we painstakingly shove past our throat under the aegis of “live and let live”🤔? Ladies, would you for any reason accommodate yourself in a relationship with a younger guy? Men, how attractive are older women for an item before they get like rotten bananas and are disposed of😏?

Source- Red Bubble

First Hearing (MEN🤤)- Representative Brawn

The older the berry, the sweeter the ***** (fill the gap🤤). Older women have always fascinated me since my teenage years. Their poise and psychological makeup are unmatched. And dammit she got big titties🤤🤤…O dear Delilah, just come and ride my horse however you please while I get hypnotized by those not pluckable yet suckable oranges as they bounce through left🥵, right up and down while my pupil tries to keep up a steady gaze and my tongue lusts to taste the areola🥵🥵.

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Older women are not caught up in childish games these smelly young girls are fond of🤮. They aim at their prey and fire the shot. My first sex experience was with an older lady; it’s one worthy of hitting the Guinness record because dear mama took me on a whirlwind of romance and aggression🥵🥵. I felt like a pro, I can imagine having that with a girl my age and looking for the clitoris or vagina🙄. I bet she’ll laugh and then go over to tell her folks how slow I am😖. Older women don’t care, they teach you how to worship them🤤🤤.

I met an older chic during my WAEC examination, that was my first encounter. She was my first target after a series of fantasies and alas faith brought us together🙈. She stood out beautifully to an extent all the boys wanted her. We sat closely for two weeks but never spoke yet every night I’ll fantasize about the shape of her butt🙈🤤.

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I was too shy to approach her and as though nature wanting to play unfortunate cards, my close friend started telling me about how much he’s been crushing on her😖. There was too much joy written all over his face, would this mean me respecting the bro code? Well, we’ll see about that. The next day he came over to my class and tried talking to her and that’s how I got involved🤣🤣. Like such a moment where your friend brings a babe and you suddenly become the comedian🤣🤣. I laughed at him in my mind yet acted like I didn’t know what game I was playing🙃.

I and the barbie got along, it was a rare connection. Tell you what, she’s also been low key feeling the boy for a while😎. She knew my name, birth date, and added that we share the same birth month but different years. I was shocked because, despite the long tail difference in age, she accommodated my friendship☺.

Read: Let’s Play a Game… Fetish or Obsessions?

To cut to the chase, she asked me out. Such bravery! And she didn’t die o😌. We kept the relationship on a low and since she was my seat partner nobody suspected. If you’ve watched “A Fall From Grace”, that was how everything went (excluding the scam🤗). She was all colors of romantic, and the sex like I described earlier was the bomb🧨. Unfortunately, we lost communication after the exams because my phone caught a fever and my not so darling friend who still remains pissed about what happened in the ’90s blatantly refused to give me her number🤣.

the older the berry — Source- Juliet Allen

It was all fun while it lasted though. Call me strange, but I sometimes feel I am living way above my age especially in my love life😉. She raised the bar for me and since then I get entwined with older women. I’ve tried girls my age but nahhhhh🤮, they seem to mess it up one way or the other especially with silly demands (begi begi FC🙄).

Read: Am I the Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Hmmmmmm so would I get married to an older woman🤔? Well, this is tough. Asides that it’s hard to find an older woman who can throw caution to the wind and tell society that she’s in love with a young man old enough to be her son, childbearing comes to mind too😖. I love kids and there’s this thing I heard about older women not being able to have kids when they turn 40. I stand corrected🙈.

the older the berry or — Source- Self.com

Also, the imagined screams of my mother saying “Abomination!!! Abomination!!!” 🤣🤣the moment I dare introduce a woman twice my age as a wife🤣🤣. And again, would she accord me due respect as the man of the house? *Covers face*. At the end of the day, I’ll be back to marrying one of these younger ladies who think they know it all🥺🤨. The older the berry, the sweeter the juice… but this particular juice is like munching on sugar cane, sapping the juice, and throwing the shaft away😪. Unfortunately, the joy doesn’t last, especially in this part of our world🥺. However, until marriage calls (that’s if it ever will😌) I’ll be on my grind cruising on matured titties of older women🤤. Until then…

Second Hearing (Women🤯)- Representative JULES

“Jules, I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said to me pleading and sober. Nah, this is a pretentious act to get me to accept his foolery huh🙄? “What if I hadn’t subconsciously glanced through your International Passport guy🤯?” Finding out his real age on that green sheet made me swore I had dyslexia, that’s how much I trusted him🧐.

Whaaaatttt! I’ve been dating a younger male for four months and I freaking had no clue🤯.

“I thought you were okay with dating a younger male?”, my girlfriend asked in response to my lamentations🥺.

I’ve always been of the idea that it doesn’t matter who’s older in the relationship, so long as there’s an understanding and love, as the heart chooses who it accepts and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you know it’s easier said than done🤨. Liesssss oooo🤨🤨. Experiencing it first hand is a different ball game entirely😪.

Read: Maybe it’s Saner to Hide your Real Age or…

“Wait babe, you mean to tell me I’m two years older than you are when all the while I’ve been thinking you’re 3years older than me?” Ah🤯, Julesbaeby you’ve hit the bottom rock🏽‍♀️ men will always embarrass you no matter their age tueh🤮! I felt abused, by a minor for that matter and this wasn’t a good feeling at all😵.

Love hits differently for a lady when she realizes her heart craves the attention of a man younger than she is. Staying strong for me, I let go of the idiot🙄, bearing in mind to always enlist age as a first date question with proof of birth of course😂! You see the beard gang members especially, do not be deceived by the number of hairs fallowing under their jaws and across their chins, it’s a facade😂😂. Most of their ages are not even up to a fraction of the hair strands you see. ASK THEIR AGE O!😂😂

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It seems like the idiot forgot to close the gate on minors after he vanished as more began to flood me afterward🤧. “She’s a small girl, let me shoot my shots”… perhaps there’s nothing cute about owning a small body otherwise how would this dunce I’m ten years older than have the courage to profess decayed love to me😩😩?

Did I really learn my lessons?

Fast forward>>>>> I got introduced to this handsome well built young man after a series of failed relationships😣.

Please pay attention…

My first conversation with him was magical and I thought, “this is it!”. But as a Lagos girl who prides in being chased by a man🙃, I took my time to let things play out while observing due protocols like daily checkups, (as per doctor😂), mushy texts, and sharing food of course😜. Meanwhile, I was flashing green lights like a traffic warden “Brother ask me out now, let me just say YES🤣🤣”.

Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever you are Dating Owes You!

One day, I saw “In case you’ve been wondering who my heart beats for🏾” captioned on a post he made on his WhatsApp status🙈, I immediately reached for my medicated lens to be sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me as to whom the caption was referring to. His next post read “Happy nerdy birthday to the LOML”.Then I paused and thought aloud🤔, “I’m a nerd, but today’s not my birthday, is this a prank😩?”, and then boom the face was revealed. I swallowed my greenlight at that point and didn’t care if it’ll choke me😵😖.

I caught myself typing “Happy birthday to bae”, and NO! I didn’t mean that at all, “You’re a mother fucker” was what I intended to type😩.

I stopped communicating with him afterward, till karma brought him to me unannounced at an event. We got along well enough and I realized I still had a soft spot for him🙃, up until we had the dreaded age conversation and it was revealed I was 6years older🤯.

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“Whaaaatttt!!! child abuse!!!”. We had already done some tasty lip-locking🤮, monkey bed adventures🤮, nothing short of a love cruise😵. Where do I begin to end this menace🥶? Maybe this was why he introduced me to “The Men’s Club” series, he must have known of the age gap all along and was hoping I could be his Mrs. Lawson. Well, too bad my laws will not harbor any supposed son as a lover. Never😖!

No doubt Frank is a very nice and sweet guy but the age difference is terrifying😭. I weighed our communication wave since we met and realized I have been more of a mother figure than a lover😤. I carried his emotional baggage, gave him the best advice and I’m sure lowkey I served as his tutor to loving his girlfriend even more😡. That moment when you dish smart advice to someone and they flip the table when you are not there like they are the ones who came up with it😤. I know that nigga did that. Maybe a subliminal action from him but that’s what comes with dating a minor as a lady🤮.

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Putting a “JUST GOOD BUDDIES” tag on Frank was a good decision for me. Ain’t nobody being a rehab or mother figure😌, I’ll rather be buried six feet with my feelings, cold and single still😌. Ladies! If you think you can deal with dating a younger male, I don’t know how you do it, but I don’t want to learn🛀.

Your Verdict

*Coughs*🤣🤣…Ladiessssss…do you agree with your representative; darling Jules😄? Guyssssss did your guy Brawn make any sense😌? Is age really a number especially when it involves romantic relationships? Let’s talk. As a lady, would you date a younger man for any reason? And what’s the age difference you can accommodate😃? If you’ve had such an experience, it will be interesting to fill us in about how it went down☺…or how it’s going😉. To the men, let’s know your sentiments toward older women in a relationship🤓.

Despite meeting a series of guys who’ve said to me that they prefer older ladies, I have never met a lady who openly says that she loves them young😏. So who are the ladies dating younger guys🤔? Perhaps it’s much fun in secrecy huh🤭? This is a fun topic… let’s discuss in the comment section. Shall we?👇👇

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Movie Reviews

Citation; A Nostalgia of my Foul Share of Sexual Assault and more…

By Mutterers Club November 16, 2020

5 min read

At some point in life, some things will happen to you that you may never be able to say to anyone. For everyday that passes, you keep heaping the grave you buried it with more sand, hoping to kill it finally but it still hurts. What even hurts more is not being able to talk to anyone and if ever you tried you start your conversation with “There’s a friend of mine who…”

Watching the latest direct by Kunle Afolayan, ‘Citation’, I’m being hunted by my own experience all over, an experience I’ve had locked in my closet, hoping never to open it up but the movie became a trigger.

Before delving into my experience, first I must give deserving accolades to the brains behind “Citation”, from the director; Kunle Afoloyan, the writer, Tunde Babalola, and to all the crew and casts for delivering their roles perfectly, especially the lead the act, Temi Otedola who plays the role of Moremi. Her performance was beyond the average for a debut role. She nailed it. Her fluent French-speaking was extraordinary too, made me want to go back to my French learning class…of course I will and this time take it more seriously. “Citation” also excels at portraying a good representation of Africa’s culture, from the littlest detail like costumes, to the locations and soundtracks.

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Since its release, many like myself have argued that the storyline is predictable and is not as mind-blowing as the hype presented it but however, it doesn’t invalidate it’s strong message. Does preaching against sexual assault every day dilute the intent? Some messages have to be preached recurrently no matter how predictable it might seem. Citation’s storyline goes beyond the screens. These things happen! It is real! There have been victims and still will be like Moremi who becomes a target prey for the likes of Professor Lucien N’Dyare (Jimmy Jean-Louis) in the movie.

MY STORY

Heard some opinionated people say “ohh but Moremi seemed like she was making some advancement too by getting close and helping her professor”. Hmmmmm…on reminiscing my university experience, I don’t know how I escaped from the sexual thirsty claws of my H.O.D and one other lecturer.

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Like Moremi, I was smart and intelligent and didn’t need to sort any lecturer to pass a course. I wasn’t loud in neither actions nor dress sense, very reserved to a fault still my H.O.D took a strange likeness in me. Before then, I remember vividly how our eyes met frequently at a departmental excursion while he was giving a speech. I thought it was only normal, I mean I wouldn’t have been the only one who caught his gaze at the time right? But this nigga summoned me afterward and started with some bullshit talk asking me if I liked him. I was dumbfounded, like how? Like an old man…yuck! Some deliberate laughs saved me that day but I had no idea it marked the genesis of problems for me in the department.

I was scared, I didn’t even know who to tell when he recurrently called me to his office, tormented me with phone calls, and even invited me to his hotel more than once. On one occasion it was a forceful atmosphere. I struggled with this old man; I cried and pleaded with him that I was a virgin. He overpowered me and slid his hands into my vagina forcefully. I was terrified and managed to let go of his grasp. Quickly dashed into the bathroom and locked myself, shivering & praying to God to save me. He made me swear on any of my late family’s names that I was a virgin. He’s one of those who attach some fetish belief to virginity, believes it’s sacred, and shouldn’t be taken forcefully. Without mincing words, I swore with my late grandmothers’ before he let me be and then promised to take good care of me in the department. Well, to hell with your smelling care sir! I avoided him like he owned a contagious disease.

Read: Sexual Advances and a Halt in the Milk Flow

I had another encounter with an idiotic lecturer who out of spite failed me twice for his courses in a semester. I was pissed, I cried, and out of anger went to confront him in his office and all he could say was ”Ahhh how can you of all people fail this course? I told you to come and see me didn’t I?”

FOOD FOR REASONING

“Citation” is an insightful film, it is as real as real life. I found none of the scenes exaggerated. Unlike me who couldn’t speak up, I commend Moremi for having the courage to take the matter up to the disciplinary committee of the school. Imagine throwing stones at a dog everyone saw as harmless? Everyone perceived Professor Lucien N’Dyare as a man of good character, calm, and profoundly knowledgeable in his field, and then boom! Moremi flips the script.

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Who should they believe? Of course the professor! Little wonder the majority of her coursemate testified in favor of the Professor.

In my case you might wonder, why did I visit him in the hotel? Couldn’t I have gone with a friend? Well, if you understand the weight at which some men in power can be oppressing to many then if you were in my shoes you’ll appear at the hotel gate before you hear ‘jack’. I didn’t want to fail, the man was so vile. Vile enough he knew how to clean traces before they’re imprinted. He made sure I switched off my phones on entry and had me submit them to him to avoid foul play.

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You might also wonder why Moremi was still cordial after the professors first attempt to kiss her huh? And even after the assault… well, you might never know the right way to behave except walking the exact shoes you condemn. What could she have done? Scream ‘Bloody Rapist’ whenever she sees him? Drop out of school?

I hope “Citation” creates the needed awareness for higher institutions to have a functional, accountable, and transparent disciplinary committee. I hope after watching, young girls and boys who have been harassed by their teachers and persons in authority can find their voice.

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Have you ever been harassed by a lecturer or person in authority? Have you ever been denied good grades, placement, or promotion because you refused to surrender your body? I’ll appreciate it if you share your experience in the comment section, especially how you dealt with it. Also, If you have watched “Citation”, would you have done anything different from Moremi? What are your reservations/lessons from the movie? Shall we…👇👇

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MUTTERERS CLUB

A Crispy Take on Why I Became a Religion Nonconformist

By Mutterers Club October 31, 2020

7 min read

The ‘believe’ is simple, yet it remains one of the hardest things to do especially when your supposed source of inspiration fails you one, two, and many times that you lose count. In my case, I’ve let ‘believe’ be and continued to pay no mind for whatever outcome it brings. Here’s a narrative about my life as a religion nonconformist, I decided to share this part of me because …

Do you believe in God? What if I told you I do but rather than accord him all the praise and worship, I’ve turned a blind eye. I hope you don’t get me wrong… here’s what I mean…

“Fisayo, are you a Christian?” my answer was a blatant No, when my supervisor enquired, this was shortly after I declined to lead the staff prayer one early Monday morning. I bet she thought all along I was one because tell you what, I sure look it.

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The Sunday of that same week we were alone at the bank for ATM duty. Then she asked, “so you are a Muslim?” No, I answered. Her countenance began to switch…“the other day I asked if you were a Christian and you said no, now you are no Muslim? What religion do you belong to?”, she queried. I told her that I am not a religious person. She was shocked and at the same time interested in knowing why.

religion nonconformist — She was shocked and at the same time interested in knowing why

“So you don’t practice any religion? Why?” I responded “Why not? I don’t want to”. She said she had never met anyone who doesn’t belong to a religion and speculated something happened that made me vow never to attend church again. Hmmmm…how laughable…

Read- He Is God, I Can’t Defend Him

I get similar reactions every time someone learns I’m not affiliated with any religion. An unfun fact of it all is that I was raised by my parents as a hardcore Christian, a Jehovah witness to be precise. I used to take my bag and umbrella and knock from door to door regularly. It was my way of life growing up.

What Happened Along The Way

As time went on, I began to learn for myself, thanks to being a Witness anyway, the mandatory bible study lifestyle paid off, it inculcated in me a craving to explore the bible even more. By nature, I am inquisitive, some things started to make no sense to me so I started digging for answers by involving myself with various religious books, not only that of Christianity, I read texts from Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, and more.

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My faith in Christianity started to shake especially because the stories from other religions appeared similar to that of the bible and even a bit more logical. Take for example, according to Buddhism, Buddha before he was born, lived his previous life as a hermit and also a prince. He surveyed the world determining where he will be born. Upon his birth, he immediately started walking and talking, and a lotus appeared under his foot at every step. This is a paraphrased version of what the texts say about Buddha though. As outlandish as this seems, there are vague similarities to what Christians have been taught about circumstances surrounding the birth of Jesus Christ. I mean the immaculate conception, the neon angels appearing in the night sky singing, the star, and so many others.

Due to numerous studies, all I could conclude was the pioneers of these so-called religions that exist were all in an unhealthy competitive race of who could write the best fables and propagate their narrative faster. Christianity which happens to be the most practised is also guilty. While Christians are quick to dismiss and tag other religion’s stories as untrue, they wholeheartedly embrace the fables in the Bible. Hence, my religious foundation started to crumble.

There Is A God But…

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a God, I just don’t subscribe to the fact that he has any interest or business in my life or yours. I mean if he’s interested in our lives as the Bible says, why is there so much suffering and violence in the world? Shouldn’t he be able to put a stop to it? The bible makes us believe we were created in his image and likeness this means we are no different from him right? Ok so put a normal human parent in his shoes, will a parent look away from the lack of love and torment his/her child is facing if they had the power to avert it? The bible also says that God is love, why will the very personification of love stand on the sidelines watching his most precious creation suffer for so long all in the guise of trying to teach us a lesson. If Jesus Christ’s blood is supposed to cleanse us and redeem us, why have we not felt the effects of his shed blood after more than 2000 years?

Religion nonconformist violence — Why is there so much suffering and violence in the world?

For all the time I invested in studying the bible, I couldn’t get satisfactory answers to these, so I lost interest in religion.

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More

I believe there is a God because of the earth and everything therein… someone must have put all these in place or perhaps a host of many spirits or forces came together to form the earth and the leader being the so-called God we acclaim all our worship to. What I don’t believe in is everything the Bible says about him, his loving nature, and all…I don’t think his real personality was properly documented otherwise we would have had a proper explanation for all these happenings.

How The Folks Reacted

Another question people ask me when they get to know this part of me is “And your family, do they know about this?” Well, when my parents noticed my increasing apathy toward religion and our religious routine, I had to split the beans. They were surprised and wore a look of being betrayed yet they sat me down to encourage and strengthen me spiritually. Unfortunately for them, it fell on deaf ears because of how strong-willed I am. However, years later, they have grown to respect my decision. Although once in a while my mum throws some barbs at me, which I’ve learned to deflect with silence.

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I live right, I try to do right by people. Remember I was a Christian and I’m familiar with all the tenets and principles stated in the Bible. These ethics did not depart from me, But I don’t pray since I don’t believe there is a supreme being who listens. I just hope for the best. Lol…….sounds cheesy right? I love the way my life is because I am free. For me, religion constricts the mind, makes your view narrower. Your actions, thoughts, choices are all controlled.

Did You Get Me Wrong?

In case you’re perplexed, I’m not an atheist. An atheist believes there is no God at all. I believe God exists. There is too much empirical evidence to believe otherwise. Our body structure, the wonders of creation, all the matter cycles ( water, nitrogen, carbon, and phosphorus) are too intricate, too complicated to have come by chance. Between the time of creation and now, a lot of things changed which remains largely unexplained.

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My lifestyle is something I am unapologetic preaching to whoever cares to listen but sometimes I observe a sort of stigma from religious folks or they immediately start to follow me up so I can belong to their doctrine. I also observed that people tag it as a socio-moral crime to not believe in God or be a religion nonconformist. Does identifying with a particular religion say so much about who we are? Does it define our personhood? Your personhood!?

To the Christians/Muslims (or whatever religion) out there, why do you emphasize so much importance in believing in God? If you are a non-conformist or an atheist, I’ll like to learn about your experience too, especially the events surrounding the last straw before you backed out from religion completely. Let’s talk, perhaps I could find my way back home reading your nuggets on religion. Kindly leave me a comment below.😅👇👇

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MUTTERERS CLUB

#ENDSARS Protest: An Undiluted Opinion from the Rearview Mirror

By Mutterers Club October 17, 2020

8 min read

The truth is more important than anything else, even if it goes against popular opinion. Finally, the revolution is being televised, #ENDSARS protest is here, but are we walking the right path in advocating the change we need? I will say Yes but not in the entirety of it.

Before I go on, I’d love to applaud the bravery and patriotic spirit of everyone sacrificing their time, finance, and platform for the #ENDSARS movement. You are proof that the indomitable spirit of Africa and Nigeria is alive and lives.

Over the cause of the #ENDSARS movement which has outlived more than a week now, there are a few loop-holes we have remained unconscious to and if keen care is not adopted, these holes will become so wide enough and eventually swallow us. Maybe we are blinded by the bandwagon policy, nonetheless, it will save us the trauma of crying over spilled milk if we can nip them in the bud.

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Valid Leadership Factor:

I understand that years of bad leadership and sabotage have led to the mindset of mistrust and utter vigilance when it comes to assigning leadership roles but the truth is having a leader or a set of representatives in this protest will allay the burden. While I applaud the awareness shown and drawn by the movement so far, this momentum will lose effectiveness if a person or group of people knowledgeable and trusted in their field do not come forth and direct the efforts properly. Change is effected behind closed doors or before a table; meaning this protest can easily become frustrating, not only because the government plans to frustrate us, but also because unlike most labor groups; we did not call them for a sit-down to practically negotiate terms and timelines. We can shy away from it for as long as possible but the truth is we will eventually come to terms with assigning representatives. So why wait too long when it can be now?

Read: Feminism; Home Vs Workplace, Where Should It Begin?

Empathy vs Apathy (Name Calling):

Something can mean the world to you and mean nothing to the next person, hence the saying ‘live and let live’. Throw all the tantrums, protest all you want, let there be bloodshed, some people will still feel nothing. It’s a personality trait and majorly because experience has not taught them how to behave in such a situation. Sometimes it can take longer for the individual to come around to feel the same way, or they may never. A case in point is the calling out and “dragging” of America/international artist/creative Beyonce. I cannot begin to list the lengths to which the arguments or reasons for calling her out is not only silly but in all honesty, the height of entitlement. We claim she took advantage of our culture in creating her album and documentary Black Is King. We forget that if nothing else, this was a simple business deal beneficial to all parties. She showcased the beauty of Africa; paid all artists/crew and all other expenses charged. Even helped to showcase our culture in a good light as opposed to the misconceptions that we live in mud houses or sleep under the moonlight or on trees(opportunity in tourism). In summary, she owes us nothing. Her choosing to speak out, like other foreign individuals who have, is a matter of choice. Whether we listened to her songs or not, we didn’t make her, America did and she will be Beyonce with or without us. Keeping in mind that these foreigners have issues they deal with in their own countries. While I celebrate diversity and interest in other cultures, this movement was born to take back power and show that Nigeria and Africa can be great again, so why run to a fellow citizen for aid instead of an intergovernmental agency?

Read: A Quagmire Is Enjoyed With Friends Inside

Why are you there?

I mean the protest ground? As much emotion I know this point will stir, I ask this because the reason for your presence determines your actions. Example “Throwing money at the protest, partying, playing pool, hookups”. I understand that as Nigerians, the need to find ways to enjoy yourself and have fun is higher than the exchange rate but think. If the foreign bodies and agencies were to see videos of the protest, which do you think would have more impact and move them to lend their voice? You watching football, clubbing and enjoying musical performances or sitting observing silence for the victims and dead, holding talks about empowerment and Black power/Pan-Africanism or ways to take the movement forward. Now one can say, how do we entertain ourselves staying out all day? The protest must not last a whole day. Maybe certain important days can be set for that. Because in all honesty, a lack of productivity affects the entire economy, not just a few. In the end, partying can be a legitimate reason for police to clear the crowd as constituting a nuisance. If you happen to meet someone and form a meaningful relationship from at the protest, then it’s all fine and good, not that being the hotspot for meet and greet.

Why do you scream “EndSARS”?

Is it for the brutality you fear? Those murdered? Greed? Clout? Some of you rather than proving yourself worthy have shown how much of an opportunist you are. Like every movement, man by his nature finds ways to benefit from a situation. I’ve seen not one or two but many accounts on Twitter tweet “sub for online protesters, RETWEET AGGRESSIVELY BUT YOU MUST FOLLOW FIRST”. Is Nigeria a joke to you!? You turn an on-line protest into a follow-for-follow jamboree? It’s better you don’t protest online at all than play a deceptive card. STOP IT!

Gender, Social, Tribal, and Religious Wars:

As much as we have a common goal, the truth is that we easily let religion, tribe, and social gap cause a rift. Tweets and remarks too quick to generalize a tribe for not standing with you or trying to thwart the efforts should stop. An example is seen in the vandals that came to damage cars in the Abuja protest. Some comments were quick to vilify a certain tribe. Also, the social gap wars, calling out children of important persons in the society, and criticizing their manner of protesting is unkind. Are you proud of everything your parents stand for? It’s the same for the rich kids too. If they want to be part of the protest then why not? stop resurrecting old wounds!

How Long Before We Get Tired?

When Buhari promised us ‘change’, I doubt he envisaged the reverse being the case. We are the ones dishing the change with this revolution but how long can we keep him on his toes? How long before we get tired? The reason I appreciate the carefully thought-out “5 Point Demand” is because it prevents excuses that may arise as to why the government is not complying with demands. I suggest that an addendum to the 5 point plan should be a stipulated time frame for all the requests to be met. This will equally free us from the jinx of a nonstop protest that can lose effect or affect more people in the end. When we make our personal plans, we put a time-frame on them to connote a sense of seriousness, don’t we? let’s do the same with our demands. The energy to protest might seem contagious at the moment, but how long before we are bored of it. Start by imagining there was no protest food…lol.

After This, What Next?

I do not in any way defend the vile actions of the dissolved SARS group, as some of the stories of their actions are both unfathomable and wicked but if the group is completely eradicated, are we saying we do not want a body checkmating armed robbery, internet fraud as well as other crimes in the country? Then this might as well be Christmas in October for the so-called internet fraudsters and criminals who lead us into this pit in the first place. We are being disrespected, blacklisted, and treated badly in foreign countries and as much as we are pained to say it, the majority of it is our fault. Some may say it’s because “they don’t like us” partly that may be true but with all our cries and calls to foreigners and those who took up the cause for our sake, called out our president or faced insults from others like they were the cause of the SARS, will we, in the end, have no shame and return to the cyber crimes when this is all over? Whether we like it or not, bad eggs still roam among us, so what’s the way forward? Oh, you think because of this protest Nigeria is thoroughly cleansed? Don’t be deceived by the goodwill displayed in the protest centers, some of us are good at acting the part. The protest does not write off the bad behavior of the pickpockets in Computer Village, does it? Does it eradicate jungle justice, majorly championed by our generation? Absolutely No. so what’s the way forward?

Read: Is Nigeria Really The Headquarters of CyberCrime in the World?

In the end, it is not just about taking back power, it is knowing what to do with it. Developed countries like America are still facing new issues, so we should know that we as a people, business, brand, policymakers, and citizens we have a long road ahead of us and should think as broad as possible, as well as read vastly. In the end, no one else will save our country but us.

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I’ve raised so many pointers in this article and would like your candid opinion in the comment section. What do you suggest as the way forward? Do you agree with all I’ve written? importantly, I’d like to know your reservations. One pertinent question which I decided to save for the last is the hostile reaction showered on people still going about their businesses/promoting their craft at this time. I’ll like to ask, does it mean that if the protest lingers for a month or more, no right-thinking person is allowed to trade online? Promote their music or art? Let’s talk! Kindly leave your comments.👇👇

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Movie Reviews

‘Òlòtūré’: How Far Is Too Far?

By Mutterers Club October 9, 2020

5 min read

Do I think she pushed it too far? Hell Yeah!
Do I think this movie is underrated? Heck No!
Do I advise everyone and not just females to see this movie? For obvious reasons, yes!

From my title, it’s obvious the above statement revolves around’Òlòtūré’, the currently most talked about Nollywood crime drama which is fast becoming a household name for addressing human trafficking and exploitation of the female gender in Africa, using Nigeria as a clear case study.

Inspired by Premium Times investigative report on human trafficking and prostitution, the Netflix original is directed by Kenneth Gyang and produced by the award-winning Mo Abudu of Ebonylife Films. It features A-list actors and actresses in Nollywood; Sharon Ooja who plays the lead character ‘Òlòtūré’, Blossom Chukwujekwu as Emeka, Omoni Oboli as Alero, Beverly Osu as Peju, Kemi Lala as Blessing, Ikechukwu Onunaku as Chuks, Omowunmi Dada as Linda, to mention a few talents.

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‘Òlòtūré’ means endurance/patience but this visual had me lost in translation. Patience where? Endure how? Wow!😱 So this how our beloved aunty Òlòtūré on her own accord shot herself on the foot… huh? Like really? I don’t even know how to go about this piece without giving you any spoilers but I’ll try😉.

Imagine one moment you have a budding career; your life seems to be co-operating with you like you have everything aligned in your favor and then you woke up one morning and decided you need more excitement in your life. Hmm….Aunty!….Uncle!🙄 Wisdom which is profitable enough to direct should teach you better not to test ‘Fate’ because that bitch is so unpredictable. Her mood swings like a motherfucker! You’re likely not to get what you envisaged.

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Young and ambitious, I get it! But not knowing when to stop is what I cannot comprehend😪. The lead character Òlòtūré had me sitting at the edge of my chair while she played with my feelings during the course of outdoing her role as an undercover prostitute in a bid to expose a human trafficking syndicate. And like her co-player Emeka, describes her as having more bravery than sense, I totally agree😐.

Unfortunately, Òlòtūré got more than what she bargained for. The mouth cannot explain what her eyes saw. The violence, the exploitation, the physical and mental abuse the ladies had to face on a daily basis were beyond her expectation.

No Spoilers, Just Lessons!

Know When To Stop- Like I told my circle when we had ‘Òlòtūré’movie review at our club, WE NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO STOP! Every decision you make is not just about you. It has a way of affecting a lot of lives connected to you. I know someone somewhere reading this piece right now will say “But it’s my life, I can do what I want with it”. I know it’s your life but please, Brother…Sister…do the right thing with it, make better life choices. Imagine the decision Ehi (Sharon Ooja) made to keep pushing it which ended up affecting a lot of lives around her – Her friend, her friend’s sister, her lover, her family, her friend’s family and on and on the train kept going.

Read: Success! Will You Forgive You?

Success Is Not Always the Best Revenge- Yes we get it; an undercover agent needs not leave any stone unturned yeah? That aside, I could see through Ehi’s eyes, she wanted revenge in form of success and somewhere in her head, she was determined to achieve it so badly not minding what was at stake. The rape fuelled her crave for vengeance even more; relating it to real-life context, I bet she couldn’t wait to grab Sir Philip (rapist) by the balls and say “got ya!” she really wanted to prove a point but apparently, in this case, success was not the endpoint for her😒.

The Cast

First, I’ll like to say that the lead character, Òlòtūré played by Sharon Ooja deserves an accolade. She delivered her role brilliantly; it was a breath of new air seeing her on our screens play a daring role other than her trademark ‘baby girl’ role.

Read: My First Sex Experience Series

Wait! Did I mention already that they could not have cast a better set of actors for this movie? Best believe it. Well, this is how I feel about the main characters in ‘Òlòtūré’;

Òlòtūré/Ehi (Sharon Ooja) – The young, ambitious, and naïve working-class ladies. Can’t wait to get a big break in their career. They always get in over her head.
Emeka (Blossom Chukwujekwu) – The senior colleagues that fall in love with the young, pretty junior staff in his charge. They are also ambitious and looking for a big break. Their emotions always end up getting a better part of them.
Linda (Omowunmi Dada) – The unlucky ones who never getaway.
Alero (Omoni Oboli) – Aunty wey sabi (knows all). The wicked and greedy madams that think they know and have seen it all. Most times, they are ex-prostitutes too.

Beauty (Adebukola Oladipupo) – The very young innocent ones that have no idea what life has in store for them.
Chuks (Ikechukwu Onunaku) – The abusive old school pimps
Sir Philip (Patrick Doyle) – The highly aced politicians with sick fantasies.
Linda’s Mother (Eunice Omorogie) – The clueless mums that have no idea what their kids do.
Jubril (Yemi Solade) – Our ever incompetent NPF!

Yes, you’ve just seen Oluture through my eyes! Convinced? Well, I didn’t want to do a review on this movie, but “Seductive Mystique” (Naked Minds inside joke🤭) made me. Y’all know how convincing she can be lol.

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If you haven’t seen Oluture, I recommend you do it. And if you’ve watched it, I’ll like to know your take on the film, ranging from the lessons you picked, your favorite characters, cinematography, and yeah yeah, the end of the movie. I came across a lot of remarks concerning the way it ended. The majority of comments I’ve seen so far championed that the end didn’t give the needed closure. Hmmm… you feel the same way? Do you think Òlòtūré went too far? would you have done anything different in her shoes? Let’s talk. I’ll sit in the comment section with my bottle of cold Hibiscus flower juice aka Zobo while waiting for your view on ‘Òlòtūré’ Leggo😄😄👇👇

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