Things are never as they seem especially when you’re not walking in the exact shoes. I wouldn’t want to conclude that we lie through our teeth when we make some affirmations about ourselves, all I’ll say is that exuberance gets the better part of us when we do. Until push comes to shove, we will never know who we really are, until then, we keep qualifying ourselves with words that sound good, portray us in a fine light, and most apt of all, massage our ego.
“After my graduation, I am going to marry a beautiful damsel, I’m going to treat her like a queen; I will never cheat on her or lay my hands on her. I am going to so pamper her to a point where people will think she uses voodoo to control me, but I won’t care.” These were the aesthetic words my elder brother used in describing his envisaged marriage to his best friend during a conversation in 1993, I was fortunate to hear them converse and I decided that very moment it was going to be my life too. But how unfortunate, my elder brother had married three times since 1999.
Few months before I got married to my sweetheart less than a decade ago, I told myself that no other woman would have carnal knowledge of me. Cheating was a huge NO for me, I felt too sure I was going to uphold my marriage vows till I’m six feet beneath. However, a few weeks after our wedding, my heartbeat had to jet off Nigeria to head a company overseas, she, unfortunately, wouldn’t be visiting home in about twelve months.
Oh, I didn’t tell you that I love sex more than food, I easily point out the weakness and lack of skills of many porn stars effortlessly. I am that good. My libido is indescribable. I studied sex. My baby is extremely good too. Now, we were about to leave without it for more than a year, it didn’t look like a big deal because I held our marriage vows sacred and the love we share is precious too.
However, after many months went by, I started to feel very uncomfortable anytime I got aroused through wet dreams or sensual thoughts; I felt serious pain in my testicles. When a man is aroused, sperm is generated in the testicles and the sperm gathered in the scrotum causes discomfort because they are not released. I took to a habit of masturbation to get rid of the semen out of my system but only a little semen can be released through masturbation. Also, coupled with all the other side effects and the disadvantages of masturbation, I became frustrated and very sex-starved.
The Last Straw
For a while, I still kept on with masturbation because it was the most I could do, I couldn’t tell my wife how I was feeling sexually for fear of distrust with her thinking I might be tempted to cheat. One day, I was out with a female friend in an open space but for some reason, I couldn’t place it, I got aroused in the process, maybe because I hadn’t come that close to a female since my wife traveled. I was having an erection as we spoke and couldn’t bear the pain in my testicles too as I could neither stand nor walk to where I would board a cab. The pain was so much that two people alongside the lady had to come over to help me stand on my feet.
“Are you sex-starved?” the lady asked me days after the incident while she came visiting me at home. The question made me stutter, I was embarrassed to admit it, apparently, she linked what happened the other day to lack of sex. She offered to give me a blowjob with a stern warning never to touch her because she was a virgin. Somehow the bias of it being just a blowjob and the fact that she was a virgin made it sound cool. I was torn between upholding my marital vows or setting for a blow job.
“It’s just a blow job, nothing more! Calm down”, I said these words in my mind trying to justify the act; after all, I won’t have to kiss her nor sex her right? I obliged and she seductively unbelted my trouser and got working on my dick. I knew I was cheating on my wife regardless of my zest to justify it as “just a blowjob”. While she kept taking my dick in and out of her mouth with numerous strokes, I didn’t forget about my marriage vows. I remembered the beauty of my wife and the excellence of our marriage but none of them could stop me at this point. To feel less of a sinner, I at some point imagined it was my wife performing the act, her facials and moan but…
THE BEGINNING AND HICCUPS
Truthfully, It was one of the best relievers I had had in a long time; my semen was as warm as pap and I felt better. The act crowned the beginning of my life as a cheating husband because tell you what, I can’t stop even if I tried. And despite showing off my marital status, the ladies I meet still wanted me in bed.
Do I feel sad for being a cheat? At the initial stage, I felt bad, but there’s something about committing a sin without getting caught that makes you want to do it over and over. For some weird reasons, it feels like the ladies I usually have extramarital affairs with makes the bond with my wife stronger. My getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere makes me bug less about her return, all I do is support her with affection over the phone and dish career advice.
No one ties the knot with a mindset that they are going to cheat, circumstances make people cheat. Maybe I would still be cheating on my wife if the distance wasn’t a barrier because who knows, another factor could have led to cheating. For instance, my best friend married his virgin angel who has a lower libido than him, they created a love-making timetable but the lady would choose to fast and pray the day they ought to make love just to avoid sex. My friend is now an unrepentant cheat.
Olu, my friend married his sex-freaked girlfriend, they share three children but he loves to have sex with ladies with much better touches. His wife enjoys penetration, she is not really good at oral sex and she doesn’t see why she has to learn it. Today, the beautiful haven they had as a home is now a beautiful past event.
Tope, my old neighbor lost his wife to a distant friend because he stopped showering and brushing his mouth before going to bed as he felt it is not really important like it used to be when they were dating. He cried, he begged but he lost her after more than a year of her cheating behind closed doors.
I also have a lady friend that got married to her first university love and his cheating lifestyle began after two kids. The lady got solace from a male friend that was also broken and the chemistry was irresistible, in the process, she discovered love-making can be heaven on earth; she thus desired much more of it.
One bitter truth no one likes to voice is that marriage vows do not stop cheating. Cheating is not necessarily an absence of love but certainly an absence or presence of some variables. Research tells us that more than 50% of couples felt they married the wrong persons in the first five years of their marriages. Many of them desire divorcé and/or engage in extramarital affairs. Time, events, and unity of purpose are what solidifies marriages, not vows or promises.
Do I think my wife is cheating on me too? Most likely yes! But I’ll be a very foolish man to ask her that question. At some point, she’d have wanted sex and a man gotta do what he gotta do right?
I decided to share my story here especially for people who think that marriage vows are everything needed to keep a home, and to those who condemn divorcees and write comments on blogs affirming “I don’t care what happens, my own marriage will work”. Interesting! Do you really think these couples didn’t fight to protect their marriage? Do you think they gave up just like that? Only he that wears the shoes knows where it pinches most so I’ll advise you to wait your turn.
Just like I’ve relayed my experience sincerely, I’ll like to ask, can you open up to your spouse or partner if you cheated on them? My wife will be home soon finally, never to be apart and I really want us to work, I want us to start making babies too and I’m thinking the first step should be opening up about my cheat life with hopes that I don’t go back to committing such sin again and also so I don’t feel guilty. Would the best approach be letting her in on my cheat life? If you are in her shoes, would you forgive me?
Also, I’ll like to ask the married ones reading this, have you ever cheated on your spouse? How did you feel the first time you cheated? If you’ve stopped cheating, how did you manage to navigate back to morality? I’ll appreciate your comments👇👇👇.