Mutterers Club

7 min read

Sexuality is one of the biggest parts of who we are, it’s a key part of our characteristics that goes a long way into defining our personhood. Your sexuality is like your shadow, you can quench the light to avoid a clear image, but it wouldn’t stop following you everywhere you go. It is part of you.

About a month ago, I read a story on this blog about a lady who narrated how she skipped becoming a lesbian, my story is similar, not skipped, but dipped in a lezzy puddle… I am a lesbian.

lesbian in Nigeria muttering minds
Source- Pitzer College

From the moment I became 9-years-old, my parents started to become insecure because of my rapid growth, I was full in my chest, curvy, and looking sexually attractive for my age. They decided an all-girls school would save me from boys and unnecessary distractions, so my schooling was immediately processed to a missionary school; the holier the better I guess. I was advised to study hard only.

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You know how it is, getting to a new environment, you wanna know what really goes down in Las Vegas. The first orientation I got was tales of how senior students would try to lure junior students to sleep with them. Being inquisitive, I wondered how it would feel like laying with the same sex, I was young and wasn’t even nursing any sex drive. There were some targeted seniors whose names were mentioned to me as lesbians so I had a close gaze fixed on them.

lesbian in nigeria muttering minds

One day during siesta, I decided I wasn’t going to sleep, luckily or maybe unluckily for me, I found these sets of seniors in an enclosed space making out. I could have run off to my room and pretended like I never saw a thing but instead I watched to a point where I got so aroused. Since the incident, I’ll reminisce on all they did and get even more aroused. That memory and feeling lived with me, the more I tried to suppress it, the more I yearned to replicate it with my girlfriends.

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In my JSS 2, my craving for girls became stronger. I heard of how people were caught in the act so I was scared to try or think about it. My school was a missionary school but I saw lots of nasty things girls do. In my JSS 3, a senior approached me to be friends but I declined because everyone knew she was a lesbian. I mean she could have been one in secrecy, I wouldn’t mind, but getting along with someone stale would let my caged cats out of the bag to the whole school.

lesbian in nigeria
Source- The Guardian

There’s this bonding category thing we did in school then,  we get to pair ourselves up for example as PALs(PERSONAL Admirable Lover), SALs (secret admirable lover), a class friend, a JAF(Just A Friend), and even vals during valentines day. This made me have access to different girlfriends for several purposes.  They knew my intention but were scared to try anything out rather we’ll give ourselves pecks, jokingly touched each other’s breast and emphasized how soft, small or big it was.

Read: Men Talk! How to Get Rid of Boners in Public

In my SS1, we were mixed with seniors in the hostel and as fate would play, the senior that tried to toast me in Js3 was in my room. She began sending me love letters which had a way of sparking up my sensual appetite, I looked forward to them. 

lesbian in nigeria
Source- Inspirationfeed

One night, she asked me to sleep on her bed, I agreed. She made attempts to touch me, I refused yet agreed to a kiss. It was my first kiss! It felt good, I wanted more but held back. Unluckily for me, my school mother who was in the same class with her somehow found out we spent the night together and came to accuse me of being a lesbian. I denied it. From there, the gist raised so much dust in the school and without hearing me out, my senior lover broke up with me. My first heartbreak! I was hurt! I cried so much! I pleaded for a comeback, but she was totally done with me. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, her smell, towel, beddings, and how soft her skin was even though we didn’t smooch. I wish we actually did.

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Well, much later that year, I got close to one of my mates who was very much sexy. I remember vividly our first encounter up the bunk where we talked about sex and one talk lead to another, she asked to make out with me, to which I agreed. When everyone was asleep, she started touching me, it felt so good. I turned to her and we kissed intensely, she touched my breast and smooched my body. I couldn’t help but cooperate, I had never felt that way before. The sensual urge made me feel so wet and then she fingered me countlessly which I enjoyed even more. 

That night opened my eyes going forward. I wanted more of that feeling, I wanted to be around females who looked like they wanted to experiment, I became less apologetic about lesbianism, and couldn’t wait to get out of school.

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lesbian in Nigeria


Leaving school was a different ball game entirely, all the girls I met were all talking about one male crush or the other, the sex adventures they looked forward to, and worse off, I discovered that the outer world was even more hostile about lesbianism. It became more scary and shameful to talk about my sexuality.

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I pressured myself into having a relationship with a male, just to be sure there was nothing wrong with me. We had good sex but believe me, it wasn’t as great as the lady I had been with. To enjoy the sex, I’ll imagine I was sexing a lady, her eating me out, sucking my boobs until my nipples turn red and more… all these imageries to get me to enjoy my time with a man. Maybe I am bisexual, just maybe…all I know is I prefer anything sensual with females.

lesbian in Nigeria

Luckily for me one time, I reconnected with my high school lover, that chic, and we had the most erotic bedroom adventure ever. Asides from the romance, the emotions, getting to hold a lady after such a long time, looking into her eyes and stuff, felt like magic. That moment gave me the closure I needed on my sexuality. I accepted that I am a lesbian and there was nothing I could do about it other than to live with it.

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Although It’s hard to find lesbians who come out open in Nigeria, because of the stigma, we connect through groups online and so far I have met a handful of amazing lesbians. Sometimes if it’s my lucky day, I get approached by a lady. Somehow I feel scared that I might have to bend for society someday because I wanna get married and have kids. So far the men I’ve met and opened up to about my sexuality appeared cool but marriage might not be easy. I have this idea of having a threesome with my husband, I think I can stomach it that way.

lesbian in Nigeria

On this note, I’ll like to add that the world is unfair to my kind, especially in Africa, Nigeria. Sex is one of the most popular topics discussed on a daily, yet it is truncated. How do you ask a person their opinion about sex without asking them about their sexuality? This should go hand in hand. Straight people enjoy sex talk until you let them in on your secret and then they make you feel creepy about it. What’s so creepy about being a lesbian or bisexual? How hard is it for straight people to understand that just the same way they cannot explain how they arrived at their sexuality, it’s the same for others? 

Read: Hypocrites! Homosexuality Is Not A Crime

Even though my profession will not permit me to identify with my sexuality, I hope that one day LGBTQ is made legal in Nigeria. Being bisexual, gay, or lesbian in Nigeria is not something that should be a secret, it’s something we should be bold about, we are humans too and deserve equal treatment. There are many LGBTQ persons in Nigeria, it could be your sister or your little brother who’s always by himself, seeming depressed and with low self-esteem. This, to say the least, is what suppressing sexuality does to a person, it’s suicide.

Let me ask you, in a world that’s homophobic if your child told you they were gay or lesbian, what would you do? I’ll also love to hear your candid opinion on homosexuality in Nigeria and if you are not straight, please feel free to leave me an insight on your sexuality discovery and journey. How did you get there? when did you discover YOU? And so far how’s it been?  The admin assured me here is a safe place, hence a partly motivation for sharing my story, I look forward to your comments. 👇👇



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9 min read

Hehehehehehe😁…laughter not too funny yet funny☺…Shall we? So this is our first virtual court case on Muttering Minds where both warring parties don’t get to see yet debate tooth and nail on my proposed topic, weighing the odds and bright sides from their personal biased view😉.

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Shall we? Is age really just a number especially when it comes to relationships or a sour lime we painstakingly shove past our throat under the aegis of “live and let live”🤔? Ladies, would you for any reason accommodate yourself in a relationship with a younger guy? Men, how attractive are older women for an item before they get like rotten bananas and are disposed of😏? 

older the berry

Source- Red Bubble

First Hearing (MEN🤤)- Representative Brawn

The older the berry, the sweeter the ***** (fill the gap🤤). Older women have always fascinated me since my teenage years. Their poise and psychological makeup are unmatched. And dammit she got big titties🤤🤤…O dear Delilah, just come and ride my horse however you please while I get hypnotized by those not pluckable yet suckable oranges as they bounce through left🥵, right up and down while my pupil tries to keep up a steady gaze and my tongue lusts to taste the areola🥵🥵.

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Older women are not caught up in childish games these smelly young girls are fond of🤮. They aim at their prey and fire the shot. My first sex experience was with an older lady; it’s one worthy of hitting the Guinness record because dear mama took me on a whirlwind of romance and aggression🥵🥵. I felt like a pro, I can imagine having that with a girl my age and looking for the clitoris or vagina🙄. I bet she’ll laugh and then go over to tell her folks how slow I am😖. Older women don’t care, they teach you how to worship them🤤🤤.

the older the berry

I met an older chic during my WAEC examination, that was my first encounter. She was my first target after a series of fantasies and alas faith brought us together🙈. She stood out beautifully to an extent all the boys wanted her. We sat closely for two weeks but never spoke yet every night I’ll fantasize about the shape of her butt🙈🤤.

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I was too shy to approach her and as though nature wanting to play unfortunate cards, my close friend started telling me about how much he’s been crushing on her😖. There was too much joy written all over his face, would this mean me respecting the bro code? Well, we’ll see about that. The next day he came over to my class and tried talking to her and that’s how I got involved🤣🤣. Like such a moment where your friend brings a babe and you suddenly become the comedian🤣🤣. I laughed at him in my mind yet acted like I didn’t know what game I was playing🙃.

older the berry
Source- Artland

I and the barbie got along, it was a rare connection. Tell you what, she’s also been low key feeling the boy for a while😎. She knew my name, birth date, and added that we share the same birth month but different years. I was shocked because, despite the long tail difference in age, she accommodated my friendship☺.  

Read: Let’s Play a Game… Fetish or Obsessions?

To cut to the chase, she asked me out. Such bravery! And she didn’t die o😌. We kept the relationship on a low and since she was my seat partner nobody suspected. If you’ve watched “A Fall From Grace”, that was how everything went (excluding the scam🤗). She was all colors of romantic, and the sex like I described earlier was the bomb🧨. Unfortunately, we lost communication after the exams because my phone caught a fever and my not so darling friend who still remains pissed about what happened in the ’90s blatantly refused to give me her number🤣.

the older the berry
Source- Juliet Allen

It was all fun while it lasted though. Call me strange, but I sometimes feel I am living way above my age especially in my love life😉. She raised the bar for me and since then I get entwined with older women. I’ve tried girls my age but nahhhhh🤮, they seem to mess it up one way or the other especially with silly demands (begi begi FC🙄).

Read: Am I the Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Hmmmmmm so would I get married to an older woman🤔? Well, this is tough. Asides that it’s hard to find an older woman who can throw caution to the wind and tell society that she’s in love with a young man old enough to be her son, childbearing comes to mind too😖. I love kids and there’s this thing I heard about older women not being able to have kids when they turn 40. I stand corrected🙈.

the older the berry or

Also, the imagined screams of my mother saying “Abomination!!! Abomination!!!” 🤣🤣the moment I dare introduce a woman twice my age as a wife🤣🤣. And again, would she accord me due respect as the man of the house? *Covers face*. At the end of the day, I’ll be back to marrying one of these younger ladies who think they know it all🥺🤨. The older the berry, the sweeter the juice… but this particular juice is like munching on sugar cane, sapping the juice, and throwing the shaft away😪. Unfortunately, the joy doesn’t last, especially in this part of our world🥺. However, until marriage calls (that’s if it ever will😌) I’ll be on my grind cruising on matured titties of older women🤤. Until then…


Second Hearing (Women🤯)- Representative JULES

“Jules, I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said to me pleading and sober. Nah, this is a pretentious act to get me to accept his foolery huh🙄? “What if I hadn’t subconsciously glanced through your International Passport guy🤯?” Finding out his real age on that green sheet made me swore I had dyslexia,  that’s how much I trusted him🧐.

Whaaaatttt! I’ve been dating a younger male for four months and I freaking had no clue🤯.

“I thought you were okay with dating a younger male?”, my girlfriend asked in response to my lamentations🥺.

the older the berry
Source- The Mother Hen

I’ve always been of the idea that it doesn’t matter who’s older in the relationship, so long as there’s an understanding and love, as the heart chooses who it accepts and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you know it’s easier said than done🤨. Liesssss oooo🤨🤨. Experiencing it first hand is a different ball game entirely😪. 

Read: Maybe it’s Saner to Hide your Real Age or…

“Wait babe, you mean to tell me I’m two years older than you are when all the while I’ve been thinking you’re 3years older than me?” Ah🤯, Julesbaeby you’ve hit the bottom rock🏽‍♀️ men will always embarrass you no matter their age tueh🤮! I felt abused, by a minor for that matter and this wasn’t a good feeling at all😵.

the older the berry
Source- Hunter and Bligh

Love hits differently for a lady when she realizes her heart craves the attention of a man younger than she is. Staying strong for me, I let go of the idiot🙄, bearing in mind to always enlist age as a first date question with proof of birth of course😂! You see the beard gang members especially, do not be deceived by the number of hairs fallowing under their jaws and across their chins, it’s a facade😂😂. Most of their ages are not even up to a fraction of the hair strands you see. ASK THEIR AGE O!😂😂

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It seems like the idiot forgot to close the gate on minors after he vanished as more began to flood me afterward🤧. “She’s a small girl, let me shoot my shots”… perhaps there’s nothing cute about owning a small body otherwise how would this dunce I’m ten years older than have the courage to profess decayed love to me😩😩?

the older the berry

Did I really learn my lessons? 

Fast forward>>>>> I got introduced to this handsome well built young man after a series of failed relationships😣. 

Please pay attention…

My first conversation with him was magical and I thought, “this is it!”. But as a Lagos girl who prides in being chased by a man🙃, I took my time to let things play out while observing due protocols like daily checkups, (as per doctor😂), mushy texts, and sharing food of course😜. Meanwhile, I was flashing green lights like a traffic warden “Brother ask me out now, let me just say YES🤣🤣”.

Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever you are Dating Owes You!

One day, I saw “In case you’ve been wondering who my heart beats for🏾” captioned on a post he made on his WhatsApp status🙈, I immediately reached for my medicated lens to be sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me as to whom the caption was referring to. His next post read “Happy nerdy birthday to the LOML”.Then I paused and thought aloud🤔, “I’m a nerd, but today’s not my birthday, is this a prank😩?”, and then boom the face was revealed. I swallowed my greenlight at that point and didn’t care if it’ll choke me😵😖.

the older the berry

I caught myself typing “Happy birthday to bae”, and NO! I didn’t mean that at all, “You’re a mother fucker” was what I intended to type😩.

I stopped communicating with him afterward, till karma brought him to me unannounced at an event. We got along well enough and I realized I still had a soft spot for him🙃, up until we had the dreaded age conversation and it was revealed I was 6years older🤯.

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“Whaaaatttt!!! child abuse!!!”. We had already done some tasty lip-locking🤮, monkey bed adventures🤮, nothing short of a love cruise😵. Where do I begin to end this menace🥶? Maybe this was why he introduced me to “The Men’s Club” series, he must have known of the age gap all along and was hoping I could be his Mrs. Lawson. Well, too bad my laws will not harbor any supposed son as a lover. Never😖! 

older the berry

No doubt Frank is a very nice and sweet guy but the age difference is terrifying😭. I weighed our communication wave since we met and realized I have been more of a mother figure than a lover😤. I carried his emotional baggage, gave him the best advice and I’m sure lowkey I served as his tutor to loving his girlfriend even more😡. That moment when you dish smart advice to someone and they flip the table when you are not there like they are the ones who came up with it😤. I know that nigga did that. Maybe a subliminal action from him but that’s what comes with dating a minor as a lady🤮. 

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Putting a “JUST GOOD BUDDIES” tag on Frank was a good decision for me. Ain’t nobody being a rehab or mother figure😌, I’ll rather be buried six feet with my feelings, cold and single still😌. Ladies! If you think you can deal with dating a younger male, I don’t know how you do it, but I don’t want to learn🛀.

older the berry

Your Verdict

*Coughs*🤣🤣…Ladiessssss…do you agree with your representative; darling Jules😄? Guyssssss did your guy Brawn make any sense😌? Is age really a number especially when it involves romantic relationships? Let’s talk. As a lady, would you date a younger man for any reason? And what’s the age difference you can accommodate😃? If you’ve had such an experience, it will be interesting to fill us in about how it went down☺…or how it’s going😉. To the men, let’s know your sentiments toward older women in a relationship🤓. 

Despite meeting a series of guys who’ve said to me that they prefer older ladies, I have never met a lady who openly says that she loves them young😏. So who are the ladies dating younger guys🤔? Perhaps it’s much fun in secrecy huh🤭? This is a fun topic… let’s discuss in the comment section. Shall we?👇👇



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5 min read

At some point in life, some things will happen to you that you may never be able to say to anyone. For everyday that passes, you keep heaping the grave you buried it with more sand, hoping to kill it finally but it still hurts. What even hurts more is not being able to talk to anyone and if ever you tried you start your conversation with “There’s a friend of mine who…”

Watching the latest direct by Kunle Afolayan, ‘Citation’, I’m being hunted by my own experience all over, an experience I’ve had locked in my closet, hoping never to open it up but the movie became a trigger.

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

Before delving into my experience, first I must give deserving accolades to the brains behind “Citation”, from the director; Kunle Afoloyan, the writer, Tunde Babalola, and to all the crew and casts for delivering their roles perfectly, especially the lead the act, Temi Otedola who plays the role of Moremi. Her performance was beyond the average for a debut role. She nailed it. Her fluent French-speaking was extraordinary too, made me want to go back to my French learning class…of course I will and this time take it more seriously. “Citation” also excels at portraying a good representation of Africa’s culture, from the littlest detail like costumes, to the locations and soundtracks.

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Since its release, many like myself have argued that the storyline is predictable and is not as mind-blowing as the hype presented it but however, it doesn’t invalidate it’s strong message. Does preaching against sexual assault every day dilute the intent? Some messages have to be preached recurrently no matter how predictable it might seem. Citation’s storyline goes beyond the screens. These things happen! It is real! There have been victims and still will be like Moremi who becomes a target prey for the likes of Professor Lucien N’Dyare (Jimmy Jean-Louis) in the movie.

Citation Review on Muttering Minds


Heard some opinionated people say “ohh but Moremi seemed like she was making some advancement too by getting close and helping her professor”. Hmmmmm…on reminiscing my university experience, I don’t know how I escaped from the sexual thirsty claws of my H.O.D and one other lecturer.

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Like Moremi, I was smart and intelligent and didn’t need to sort any lecturer to pass a course. I wasn’t loud in neither actions nor dress sense, very reserved to a fault still my H.O.D took a strange likeness in me. Before then, I remember vividly how our eyes met frequently at a departmental excursion while he was giving a speech. I thought it was only normal, I mean I wouldn’t have been the only one who caught his gaze at the time right? But this nigga summoned me afterward and started with some bullshit talk asking me if I liked him. I was dumbfounded, like how? Like an old man…yuck! Some deliberate laughs saved me that day but I had no idea it marked the genesis of problems for me in the department.

I was scared, I didn’t even know who to tell when he recurrently called me to his office, tormented me with phone calls, and even invited me to his hotel more than once. On one occasion it was a forceful atmosphere. I struggled with this old man; I cried and pleaded with him that I was a virgin. He overpowered me and slid his hands into my vagina forcefully. I was terrified and managed to let go of his grasp. Quickly dashed into the bathroom and locked myself, shivering & praying to God to save me. He made me swear on any of my late family’s names that I was a virgin. He’s one of those who attach some fetish belief to virginity, believes it’s sacred, and shouldn’t be taken forcefully. Without mincing words, I swore with my late grandmothers’ before he let me be and then promised to take good care of me in the department. Well, to hell with your smelling care sir! I avoided him like he owned a contagious disease.

Read: Sexual Advances and a Halt in the Milk Flow

I had another encounter with an idiotic lecturer who out of spite failed me twice for his courses in a semester. I was pissed, I cried, and out of anger went to confront him in his office and all he could say was ”Ahhh how can you of all people fail this course? I told you to come and see me didn’t I?”

Citation Review on Muttering Minds


“Citation” is an insightful film, it is as real as real life. I found none of the scenes exaggerated. Unlike me who couldn’t speak up, I commend Moremi for having the courage to take the matter up to the disciplinary committee of the school. Imagine throwing stones at a dog everyone saw as harmless? Everyone perceived Professor Lucien N’Dyare as a man of good character, calm, and profoundly knowledgeable in his field, and then boom! Moremi flips the script.

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Who should they believe? Of course the professor! Little wonder the majority of her coursemate testified in favor of the Professor.

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

In my case you might wonder, why did I visit him in the hotel? Couldn’t I have gone with a friend? Well, if you understand the weight at which some men in power can be oppressing to many then if you were in my shoes you’ll appear at the hotel gate before you hear ‘jack’. I didn’t want to fail, the man was so vile. Vile enough he knew how to clean traces before they’re imprinted. He made sure I switched off my phones on entry and had me submit them to him to avoid foul play.

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You might also wonder why Moremi was still cordial after the professors first attempt to kiss her huh? And even after the assault… well, you might never know the right way to behave except walking the exact shoes you condemn. What could she have done? Scream ‘Bloody Rapist’ whenever she sees him? Drop out of school?

Citation Review on Muttering Minds

I hope “Citation” creates the needed awareness for higher institutions to have a functional, accountable, and transparent disciplinary committee. I hope after watching, young girls and boys who have been harassed by their teachers and persons in authority can find their voice.

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Have you ever been harassed by a lecturer or person in authority? Have you ever been denied good grades, placement, or promotion because you refused to surrender your body? I’ll appreciate it if you share your experience in the comment section, especially how you dealt with it. Also, If you have watched “Citation”, would you have done anything different from Moremi? What are your reservations/lessons from the movie? Shall we…👇👇




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7 min read

The ‘believe’ is simple, yet it remains one of the hardest things to do especially when your supposed source of inspiration fails you one, two, and many times that you lose count. In my case, I’ve let ‘believe’ be and continued to pay no mind for whatever outcome it brings. Here’s a narrative about my life as a religion nonconformist, I decided to share this part of me because …

Do you believe in God? What if I told you I do but rather than accord him all the praise and worship, I’ve turned a blind eye. I hope you don’t get me wrong… here’s what I mean…

religion nonconformist

“Fisayo, are you a Christian?” my answer was a blatant No, when my supervisor enquired, this was shortly after I declined to lead the staff prayer one early Monday morning. I bet she thought all along I was one because tell you what, I sure look it.

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The Sunday of that same week we were alone at the bank for ATM duty. Then she asked, “so you are a Muslim?” No, I answered. Her countenance began to switch…“the other day I asked if you were a Christian and you said no, now you are no Muslim? What religion do you belong to?”, she queried. I told her that  I am not a religious person. She was shocked and at the same time interested in knowing why.

religion nonconformist
She was shocked and at the same time interested in knowing why

“So you don’t practice any religion? Why?” I responded “Why not? I don’t want to”. She said she had never met anyone who doesn’t belong to a religion and speculated something happened that made me vow never to attend church again. Hmmmm…how laughable…

Read- He Is God, I Can’t Defend Him

I get similar reactions every time someone learns I’m not affiliated with any religion. An unfun fact of it all is that I was raised by my parents as a hardcore Christian, a Jehovah witness to be precise. I used to take my bag and umbrella and knock from door to door regularly. It was my way of life growing up.

Jehovah witness nonconformist

What Happened Along The Way

As time went on, I began to learn for myself, thanks to being a Witness anyway, the mandatory bible study lifestyle paid off, it inculcated in me a craving to explore the bible even more. By nature, I am inquisitive, some things started to make no sense to me so I started digging for answers by involving myself with various religious books, not only that of Christianity, I read texts from Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, and more.

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My faith in Christianity started to shake especially because the stories from other religions appeared similar to that of the bible and even a bit more logical. Take for example, according to Buddhism, Buddha before he was born, lived his previous life as a hermit and also a prince. He surveyed the world determining where he will be born. Upon his birth, he immediately started walking and talking, and a lotus appeared under his foot at every step. This is a paraphrased version of what the texts say about Buddha though. As outlandish as this seems, there are vague similarities to what Christians have been taught about circumstances surrounding the birth of Jesus Christ. I mean the immaculate conception, the neon angels appearing in the night sky singing, the star, and so many others. 

religion nonconformist

Due to numerous studies, all I could conclude was the pioneers of these so-called religions that exist were all in an unhealthy competitive race of who could write the best fables and propagate their narrative faster. Christianity which happens to be the most practised is also guilty. While Christians are quick to dismiss and tag other religion’s stories as untrue, they wholeheartedly embrace the fables in the Bible. Hence, my religious foundation started to crumble.

There Is A God But…

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a God, I just don’t subscribe to the fact that he has any interest or business in my life or yours. I mean if he’s interested in our lives as the Bible says, why is there so much suffering and violence in the world? Shouldn’t he be able to put a stop to it? The bible makes us believe we were created in his image and likeness this means we are no different from him right? Ok so put a normal human parent in his shoes, will a parent look away from the lack of love and torment his/her child is facing if they had the power to avert it? The bible also says that God is love, why will the very personification of love stand on the sidelines watching his most precious creation suffer for so long all in the guise of trying to teach us a lesson. If Jesus Christ’s blood is supposed to cleanse us and redeem us, why have we not felt the effects of his shed blood after more than 2000 years? 

Religion nonconformist violence
Why is there so much suffering and violence in the world?

For all the time I invested in studying the bible, I couldn’t get satisfactory answers to these, so I lost interest in religion.

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More

I believe there is a God because of the earth and everything therein… someone must have put all these in place or perhaps a host of many spirits or forces came together to form the earth and the leader being the so-called God we acclaim all our worship to. What I don’t believe in is everything the Bible says about him, his loving nature, and all…I don’t think his real personality was properly documented otherwise we would have had a proper explanation for all these happenings. 

religion nonconformist

How The Folks Reacted

Another question people ask me when they get to know this part of me is “And your family, do they know about this?” Well, when my parents noticed my increasing apathy toward religion and our religious routine, I had to split the beans. They were surprised and wore a look of being betrayed yet they sat me down to encourage and strengthen me spiritually. Unfortunately for them, it fell on deaf ears because of how strong-willed I am. However, years later,  they have grown to respect my decision. Although once in a while my mum throws some barbs at me, which I’ve learned to deflect with silence. 

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I live right, I try to do right by people. Remember I was a Christian and I’m familiar with all the tenets and principles stated in the Bible. These ethics did not depart from me, But I don’t pray since I don’t believe there is a supreme being who listens. I just hope for the best. Lol…….sounds cheesy right? I love the way my life is because I am free. For me, religion constricts the mind, makes your view narrower. Your actions, thoughts, choices are all controlled.

religion nonconformist
Unfortunately for them, it fell on deaf ears because of how strong-willed I am.

Did You Get Me Wrong?

In case you’re perplexed, I’m not an atheist. An atheist believes there is no God at all. I believe God exists. There is too much empirical evidence to believe otherwise. Our body structure, the wonders of creation, all the matter cycles ( water, nitrogen, carbon, and phosphorus) are too intricate, too complicated to have come by chance. Between the time of creation and now, a lot of things changed which remains largely unexplained. 

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My lifestyle is something I am unapologetic preaching to whoever cares to listen but sometimes I observe a sort of stigma from religious folks or they immediately start to follow me up so I can belong to their doctrine. I also observed that people tag it as a socio-moral crime to not believe in God or be a religion nonconformist. Does identifying with a particular religion say so much about who we are? Does it define our personhood? Your personhood!?

religion nonconformist

To the Christians/Muslims (or whatever religion) out there, why do you emphasize so much importance in believing in God? If you are a non-conformist or an atheist, I’ll like to learn about your experience too, especially the events surrounding the last straw before you backed out from religion completely. Let’s talk, perhaps I could find my way back home reading your nuggets on religion. Kindly leave me a comment below.😅👇👇


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8 min read

The truth is more important than anything else, even if it goes against popular opinion. Finally, the revolution is being televised, #ENDSARS protest is here, but are we walking the right path in advocating the change we need? I will say Yes but not in the entirety of it. 

Before I go on, I’d love to applaud the bravery and patriotic spirit of everyone sacrificing their time, finance, and platform for the #ENDSARS movement. You are proof that the indomitable spirit of Africa and Nigeria is alive and lives.

Over the cause of the #ENDSARS movement which has outlived more than a week now,  there are a few loop-holes we have remained unconscious to and if keen care is not adopted, these holes will become so wide enough and eventually swallow us. Maybe we are blinded by the bandwagon policy, nonetheless, it will save us the trauma of crying over spilled milk if we can nip them in the bud.

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Valid Leadership Factor:

I understand that years of bad leadership and sabotage have led to the mindset of mistrust and utter vigilance when it comes to assigning leadership roles but the truth is having a leader or a set of representatives in this protest will allay the burden. While I applaud the awareness shown and drawn by the movement so far, this momentum will lose effectiveness if a person or group of people knowledgeable and trusted in their field do not come forth and direct the efforts properly. Change is effected behind closed doors or before a table; meaning this protest can easily become frustrating, not only because the government plans to frustrate us, but also because unlike most labor groups; we did not call them for a sit-down to practically negotiate terms and timelines. We can shy away from it for as long as possible but the truth is we will eventually come to terms with assigning representatives. So why wait too long when it can be now? 

Read: Feminism; Home Vs Workplace, Where Should It Begin?

#EndSARS Protest

Empathy vs Apathy (Name Calling):

 Something can mean the world to you and mean nothing to the next person, hence the saying ‘live and let live’. Throw all the tantrums, protest all you want, let there be bloodshed, some people will still feel nothing. It’s a personality trait and majorly because experience has not taught them how to behave in such a situation. Sometimes it can take longer for the individual to come around to feel the same way, or they may never. A case in point is the calling out and “dragging” of America/international artist/creative Beyonce. I cannot begin to list the lengths to which the arguments or reasons for calling her out is not only silly but in all honesty, the height of entitlement. We claim she took advantage of our culture in creating her album and documentary Black Is King. We forget that if nothing else, this was a simple business deal beneficial to all parties. She showcased the beauty of Africa; paid all artists/crew and all other expenses charged. Even helped to showcase our culture in a good light as opposed to the misconceptions that we live in mud houses or sleep under the moonlight or on trees(opportunity in tourism). In summary, she owes us nothing. Her choosing to speak out, like other foreign individuals who have, is a matter of choice. Whether we listened to her songs or not, we didn’t make her, America did and she will be Beyonce with or without us. Keeping in mind that these foreigners have issues they deal with in their own countries. While I celebrate diversity and interest in other cultures, this movement was born to take back power and show that Nigeria and Africa can be great again, so why run to a fellow citizen for aid instead of an intergovernmental agency? 

Read: A Quagmire Is Enjoyed With Friends Inside

End Sars protest calls out Beyonce

Why are you there?

I mean the protest ground? As much emotion I know this point will stir, I ask this because the reason for your presence determines your actions. Example “Throwing money at the protest, partying, playing pool, hookups”. I understand that as Nigerians, the need to find ways to enjoy yourself and have fun is higher than the exchange rate but think. If the foreign bodies and agencies were to see videos of the protest, which do you think would have more impact and move them to lend their voice? You watching football, clubbing and enjoying musical performances or sitting observing silence for the victims and dead, holding talks about empowerment and Black power/Pan-Africanism or ways to take the movement forward. Now one can say, how do we entertain ourselves staying out all day? The protest must not last a whole day. Maybe certain important days can be set for that. Because in all honesty, a lack of productivity affects the entire economy, not just a few. In the end, partying can be a legitimate reason for police to clear the crowd as constituting a nuisance. If you happen to meet someone and form a meaningful relationship from at the protest, then it’s all fine and good, not that being the hotspot for meet and greet. 

#ENDSARS Protest

Why do you scream “EndSARS”?

Is it for the brutality you fear? Those murdered? Greed? Clout? Some of you rather than proving yourself worthy have shown how much of an opportunist you are.  Like every movement, man by his nature finds ways to benefit from a situation. I’ve seen not one or two but many accounts on Twitter tweet “sub for online protesters, RETWEET AGGRESSIVELY BUT YOU MUST FOLLOW FIRST”. Is Nigeria a joke to you!? You turn an on-line protest into a follow-for-follow jamboree? It’s better you don’t protest online at all than play a deceptive card. STOP IT!

EndSARS protest

Gender, Social, Tribal, and Religious Wars:

As much as we have a common goal, the truth is that we easily let religion, tribe, and social gap cause a rift. Tweets and remarks too quick to generalize a tribe for not standing with you or trying to thwart the efforts should stop. An example is seen in the vandals that came to damage cars in the Abuja protest. Some comments were quick to vilify a certain tribe. Also, the social gap wars, calling out children of important persons in the society, and criticizing their manner of protesting is unkind. Are you proud of everything your parents stand for? It’s the same for the rich kids too. If they want to be part of the protest then why not? stop resurrecting old wounds!

end sars protest muttering minds

How Long Before We Get Tired?

When Buhari promised us ‘change’, I doubt he envisaged the reverse being the case. We are the ones dishing the change with this revolution but how long can we keep him on his toes? How long before we get tired? The reason I appreciate the carefully thought-out “5 Point Demand” is because it prevents excuses that may arise as to why the government is not complying with demands. I suggest that an addendum to the 5 point plan should be a stipulated time frame for all the requests to be met. This will equally free us from the jinx of a nonstop protest that can lose effect or affect more people in the end. When we make our personal plans, we put a time-frame on them to connote a sense of seriousness, don’t we? let’s do the same with our demands. The energy to protest might seem contagious at the moment, but how long before we are bored of it. Start by imagining there was no protest food…lol.

#ENDSARS Protests muttering minds

After This, What Next?

I do not in any way defend the vile actions of the dissolved SARS group, as some of the stories of their actions are both unfathomable and wicked but if the group is completely eradicated, are we saying we do not want a body checkmating armed robbery, internet fraud as well as other crimes in the country? Then this might as well be Christmas in October for the so-called internet fraudsters and criminals who lead us into this pit in the first place. We are being disrespected, blacklisted, and treated badly in foreign countries and as much as we are pained to say it, the majority of it is our fault. Some may say it’s because “they don’t like us” partly that may be true but with all our cries and calls to foreigners and those who took up the cause for our sake, called out our president or faced insults from others like they were the cause of the SARS, will we, in the end, have no shame and return to the cyber crimes when this is all over?  Whether we like it or not, bad eggs still roam among us, so what’s the way forward? Oh, you think because of this protest Nigeria is thoroughly cleansed? Don’t be deceived by the goodwill displayed in the protest centers, some of us are good at acting the part. The protest does not write off the bad behavior of the pickpockets in Computer Village, does it? Does it eradicate jungle justice, majorly championed by our generation? Absolutely No. so what’s the way forward? 

Read: Is Nigeria Really The Headquarters of CyberCrime in the World?

 #EndSARS protesters

In the end, it is not just about taking back power, it is knowing what to do with it. Developed countries like America are still facing new issues, so we should know that we as a people, business, brand, policymakers, and citizens we have a long road ahead of us and should think as broad as possible, as well as read vastly.  In the end, no one else will save our country but us.

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I’ve raised so many pointers in this article and would like your candid opinion in the comment section. What do you suggest as the way forward? Do you agree with all I’ve written? importantly, I’d like to know your reservations. One pertinent question which I decided to save for the last is the hostile reaction showered on people still going about their businesses/promoting their craft at this time. I’ll like to ask, does it mean that if the protest lingers for a month or more, no right-thinking person is allowed to trade online? Promote their music or art? Let’s talk! Kindly leave your comments.👇👇



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5 min read

Do I think she pushed it too far? Hell Yeah!
Do I think this movie is underrated? Heck No!
Do I advise everyone and not just females to see this movie? For obvious reasons, yes!

From my title, it’s obvious the above statement revolves around’Òlòtūré’, the currently most talked about Nollywood crime drama which is fast becoming a household name for addressing human trafficking and exploitation of the female gender in Africa, using Nigeria as a clear case study.

oloture muttering minds review

Inspired by Premium Times investigative report on human trafficking and prostitution, the Netflix original is directed by Kenneth Gyang and produced by the award-winning Mo Abudu of Ebonylife Films. It features A-list actors and actresses in Nollywood; Sharon Ooja who plays the lead character ‘Òlòtūré’, Blossom Chukwujekwu as Emeka, Omoni Oboli as Alero, Beverly Osu as Peju, Kemi Lala as Blessing, Ikechukwu Onunaku as Chuks, Omowunmi Dada as Linda, to mention a few talents.

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‘Òlòtūré’ means endurance/patience but this visual had me lost in translation. Patience where? Endure how? Wow!😱 So this how our beloved aunty Òlòtūré on her own accord shot herself on the foot… huh? Like really? I don’t even know how to go about this piece without giving you any spoilers but I’ll try😉.

oloture muttering minds review

Imagine one moment you have a budding career; your life seems to be co-operating with you like you have everything aligned in your favor and then you woke up one morning and decided you need more excitement in your life. Hmm….Aunty!….Uncle!🙄 Wisdom which is profitable enough to direct should teach you better not to test ‘Fate’ because that bitch is so unpredictable. Her mood swings like a motherfucker! You’re likely not to get what you envisaged.

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Young and ambitious, I get it! But not knowing when to stop is what I cannot comprehend😪. The lead character Òlòtūré had me sitting at the edge of my chair while she played with my feelings during the course of outdoing her role as an undercover prostitute in a bid to expose a human trafficking syndicate. And like her co-player Emeka, describes her as having more bravery than sense, I totally agree😐.

oloture muttering minds review

Unfortunately, Òlòtūré got more than what she bargained for. The mouth cannot explain what her eyes saw. The violence, the exploitation, the physical and mental abuse the ladies had to face on a daily basis were beyond her expectation.


No Spoilers, Just Lessons!

Know When To Stop- Like I told my circle when we had ‘Òlòtūré’movie review at our club, WE NEED TO KNOW WHEN TO STOP! Every decision you make is not just about you. It has a way of affecting a lot of lives connected to you. I know someone somewhere reading this piece right now will say “But it’s my life, I can do what I want with it”. I know it’s your life but please, Brother…Sister…do the right thing with it, make better life choices. Imagine the decision Ehi (Sharon Ooja) made to keep pushing it which ended up affecting a lot of lives around her – Her friend, her friend’s sister, her lover, her family, her friend’s family and on and on the train kept going.

Read: Success! Will You Forgive You?Oloture Muttering Minds review

Success Is Not Always the Best Revenge- Yes we get it; an undercover agent needs not leave any stone unturned yeah? That aside, I could see through Ehi’s eyes, she wanted revenge in form of success and somewhere in her head, she was determined to achieve it so badly not minding what was at stake. The rape fuelled her crave for vengeance even more; relating it to real-life context, I bet she couldn’t wait to grab Sir Philip (rapist) by the balls and say “got ya!” she really wanted to prove a point but apparently, in this case, success was not the endpoint for her😒.

The Cast

First, I’ll like to say that the lead character, Òlòtūré played by Sharon Ooja deserves an accolade. She delivered her role brilliantly; it was a breath of new air seeing her on our screens play a daring role other than her trademark ‘baby girl’ role.

Read: My First Sex Experience Series

Wait! Did I mention already that they could not have cast a better set of actors for this movie? Best believe it. Well, this is how I feel about the main characters in ‘Òlòtūré’;

oloture muttering minds review

  • Òlòtūré/Ehi (Sharon Ooja) – The young, ambitious, and naïve working-class ladies. Can’t wait to get a big break in their career. They always get in over her head.
  • Emeka (Blossom Chukwujekwu) – The senior colleagues that fall in love with the young, pretty junior staff in his charge. They are also ambitious and looking for a big break. Their emotions always end up getting a better part of them.
  • Linda (Omowunmi Dada) – The unlucky ones who never getaway.
  • Alero (Omoni Oboli) – Aunty wey sabi (knows all). The wicked and greedy madams that think they know and have seen it all. Most times, they are ex-prostitutes too.

  • Beauty (Adebukola Oladipupo) – The very young innocent ones that have no idea what life has in store for them.
  • Chuks (Ikechukwu Onunaku) – The abusive old school pimps
  • Sir Philip (Patrick Doyle) – The highly aced politicians with sick fantasies.
  • Linda’s Mother (Eunice Omorogie) – The clueless mums that have no idea what their kids do.
  • Jubril (Yemi Solade) – Our ever incompetent NPF!

oloture muttering minds review

 Yes, you’ve just seen Oluture through my eyes! Convinced? Well, I didn’t want to do a review on this movie, but “Seductive Mystique” (Naked Minds inside joke🤭) made me. Y’all know how convincing she can be lol.

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If you haven’t seen Oluture, I recommend you do it. And if you’ve watched it, I’ll like to know your take on the film, ranging from the lessons you picked, your favorite characters, cinematography, and yeah yeah, the end of the movie. I came across a lot of remarks concerning the way it ended. The majority of comments I’ve seen so far championed that the end didn’t give the needed closure. Hmmm… you feel the same way? Do you think Òlòtūré went too far? would you have done anything different in her shoes? Let’s talk. I’ll sit in the comment section with my bottle of cold Hibiscus flower juice aka Zobo while waiting for your view on ‘Òlòtūré’ Leggo😄😄👇👇



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7 min read

Do you often sit and reflect on the many religious practices we have in the world? When I do sometimes, I get a headache. My mind finds itself second-guessing the essence of Christendom, You know why? It is because some bigots who share this same religion with me act in a lethal manner and it makes me sick🤢.

One time, I came across a post on social media where a guy was lamenting that his mum was given Sallah meat by their neighbor, she accepted the meat and went into the kitchen to re-fry it with ‘anointing oil’🤨. I was aghast by such a narrative. I dug deeper into the comment section and the majority of the feedback got me worried about we so-called Christians.

Church shock

Some actually applauded his mum for being kind enough to re-fry, unlike them, they would throw away theirs or feed it to the dogs. Why would you accept the meat when you know you wouldn’t eat it? Or wait a minute, let me cut loose some slack. I know it can be hard to say NO when someone offers you something on the spot, especially given the occasion but rather than throw it away why not give it to someone who has nothing to eat? Most so-called Christians claim they love giving but find it hard to make an effort to give.🤦‍♂️

Read: Do you Believe in Destiny or Multiple Storylines?

Then I stumbled on an interesting comment where a lady narrated that her mum gave her Sallah meat to throw away but she didn’t, instead she hid the meat inside the freezer, a few days later, she prepared a delicious soup with it and served it to her mum. After her mum finished eating, she then told her where the meat came from. Her mum was devastated😂😂 but there was nothing she could have done, she already ate the meat, neither did she die as a result of it. How hilarious!😂😂

Sharia vs. the gospel - Islam - WORLD
Source- World News Group


If you are familiar with the bible stories, you can recall that in Matthew 22:37-40, When the disciples asked Jesus of the greatest commandment in the law, he replied to them saying that the first is to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. The second is to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Now here’s the interesting part, in verse 40, Jesus said “And the law and prophets hang on these two commandments”.

Read: Sundays, for Fashion, not Sermon

This means that whatever law was given to Moses hovers around these two. And in my opinion, is greater than whatever your pastor or reverend says also. My reference to the church heads is deliberate because the majority of them stir the foundation for these religious wars. 1 Corinthians 13, 4-5, puts that “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

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How many church leaders can boast of exercising these qualities of love fully? 🤷‍♂️Among fellow Christians and even towards the ones we tag as ‘non-believers’ (Muslims).

Christians church shock


While I reflected on why we fail to love and condone Muslims or other non-Christians in ways that are right as the bible preaches, it dawned on me that the possibility of achieving it is a far cry away. You ask why? It is because we have failed to love ourselves well enough to extend it. Rather than love, we prefer to butt-heads over the superiority of church denominations. As evidently seen, It is a case of “my church is better than yours”. Here’s a subtle peek of what goes on.

GIRL A- Hey😃, my church is having a retreat, I’ll love you to attend.

GIRL B- Nah, I’ll pass, my pastor says it’s not right to worship somewhere else😑. Besides, I don’t understand why the ladies in your church do not cover their hair.🤧

Are Christians reading the same bible?

There’s so much conflict surrounding Christianity that unity has become lost in space. While some denominations believe that it is okay for females not to cover their hair while praying, some preach to cover every strand of hair even the ones elapsing the forehead region. Some emphasize the importance of attending church service barefoot while wearing a white garment, some welcome the fancy attires. And it brings one pertinent question to mind; Are Christians reading the same holy book at all?🤷‍♂️



If we want to address the conflict surrounding Christianity, we should start with the numerous translations in the Bible. As much as these translations were made for a better understanding of Christians, the omitted words and new words being added has watered down the genuine message of the Bible. For instance, the discrepancy between King James Version (KJV) and the New international version (NIV). Here’s an example;

Luke 4:4(KJV) says;  “man shall not live by bread alone but by every word of God

Luke 4:4 (NIV) says; “man shall not live by bread alone”

The other part of the sentence which should be the most important was omitted.

Christians bible translations
The omitted words and new words being added has watered down the genuine message of the Bible.

Another example is from the book of Acts;

Act 8:37 (KJV) says “And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.”

Act 8:37 (NIV) was totally omitted from the Bible.

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Is there a reason for these omissions? Is it intentional? Or an honest mistake?🤦‍♂️ These omissions have totally changed the message these individual chapters are trying to pass across and this will create a different perception amongst Christians. One would begin to wonder, which version do we adhere to? 🙅‍♂️

Read: Was it a Miracle or by Force?

Another root cause of conflict in Christianity is the founding fathers or so-called General Overseers. “My pastor said”…” My reverend said”. If we claim we serve the same God, why does a so-called GO refuse to bless the marriage of a sister in church who’s set to wed a brother from another denomination? Why must the marriage be crowned on the basis of conversion?💁‍♂️There are tons of distasteful rules and church shocks pertaining to church denominations that make an average Christian feel lost.☹

Christians church shock
“My pastor said”…”My reverend said”. Image source- Fast Company

You might wanna argue that people ought to know God for themselves, while I will agree to an extent, it is also important to note that there is a tendency for the mind to be gullible or better put yielding to those we hold in high esteem. No matter how learned you are, you fall sometimes and it’s the same with Christians. We trust our Pastors enough to walk behind them with our eyes closed. Just like the school system where we trust our lecturers completely to instill knowledge.



Humanity is by far the greatest religion but I am afraid Christians will never be able to enjoy the benefits so long as there is the barrier of denominations and conflicting tutelage. The Muslims we castigate have unison in their worship, this should tell us something. Until we ditch denominations, until a Christian is able to walk into any church to worship, until we adopt a single bible version…until these can be fixed at least, then we might be able to love ourselves genuinely🤒. It will ignite a chain reaction of love all over the world. That will lead to peace and tolerance amongst everyone irrespective of religion or tribe or race. There would be nothing like, I can’t marry a Muslim or a Sabbath worshipper, or Jehovah’s witnesses, All these rubbish will seize to exist.🤧

Read: Culture Shock! How Incogorous is the Road that Leads Home
Christians church shock
Humanity is by far the greatest religion but I am afraid Christians will never be able to enjoy the benefits


Not in a bid to spite any church denomination but this should be fun (maybe😉)…There are doctrines of some churches that are so astonishing to me; I’ll mention just one, there’s a church denomination that the members are not to eat crayfish🤭. I wonder what the poor fish did to them or how their food would taste😔. How about you? What are the doctrines some churches practice that get you shocked?

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Tell me about your church too. In my Church the ladies are allowed to pray with their hair uncovered, can you guess what church I attend😆? Also about today’s post, I’ll like to get your opinions in the comment section. What do you suggest is the way forward to achieve unity in Christianity? Leave me a comment, please.👇👇

5 min read

If you are an earpiece lover you would know how many dramas having an earpiece on can save you from. But sometimes, even with it on, some scenarios are unavoidable, you find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

As I rolled my eyes to the side of my window on the bus, I saw a group of men closing in on a lady like lions who were elated at the sight of prey. She was fair, pretty, and had a smallish body. She wore a mini gown that truthfully revealed a lot and might even reveal a lot more if she is not careful of how she moves.

Read: How Do I Get Better With Phone Calls?
indecent dressing
You find yourself gawking and trying to catch up with your gaze on what went down before you became alert.

Why is she surrounded by these lions anyway? I wondered. Overwhelmed with curiosity, I turned down the volume of my music immediately and then looked closely so I wouldn’t miss anything. As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown. “Ashewo! Ashewo! Shior!!”, they chanted intermittently. All her attempts to challenge them and break free from their grip proved abortive. I presume luck went on vacation because no one was willing to help her either. Typical Nigerian lifestyle, we stare and make commentary.

Read: Shocked! Angry! Yet I couldn’t do Anything

I was irritated and became uncomfortable. The thought of fighting for the lady crossed my mind but then I realized that getting involved wouldn’t make much of a difference, considering the arrogant nature of the men. Watching the scene, it made me recall the time I tried to speak up for a little boy who was not given a fair space to sit even though he paid the same amount as everyone else on the bus but my tiny voice was so invisible amid the loud voices of the passengers that I almost cried.

indecent dressing
As though about to begin a macabre dance, these lions (men) started trying to raise her gown.

Case One (A Lady And Her Cloth Choice)

The men finally let her go as they broke into an outburst of laughter coupled with abusive names and phrases. I shook my head in pity as I watched the lady pick up her phone (it had fallen during the squabble) and walk away in anger.

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After the show of shame, it seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations. The majority said she deserved what she got. Before then, I have heard of how a lady can be harassed in public, especially in market places when she is indecently dressed, and here’s me, witnessing a scene… wow!

Lady Indecent Dressing
It seemed as though someone rang the bell for commentary time on the bus as the passengers started rolling out their reservations.

In all honesty, I don’t think any lady deserves to be harassed in that way despite the fact that her dress sense at that moment was wrong. Wait a minute! Wrong? What even makes it wrong? If the wearer is comfortable in it then why throw stones?

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Just recently too, there’s been a viral video of a lady who’s ass was groped by a man in a market place because of what she was wearing. While a group feels it was right to have her feel frustrated so that next time she knows better it makes me even sadder because as a lady, dressing even decently cannot save you. There are several times I go to the market and male sellers either grab me by my arm or shoulder just to get my attention on what they are selling. If my response is not friendly, they insult me. “Monkey!!! You no even fine self”… ah! Just because…!?


From what I could gather, it’s a fight between ‘ignorance’ and ‘choice’. Is it too difficult to look away if you don’t like what you see? Is it a crime to wear a clothing of choice? To the ladies, I’ll like to ask, have you been in such a situation before? How did you handle it? And the men, are you the type that castigates a lady for wearing revealing clothes or you look away?

Case Two (The Loud Voice Wins)

Have you ever been hurt because you couldn’t fight a good fight? You leave the scene feeling hopeless and for every day, months or years after its past, you still beat yourself up whenever you remember how much of a coward you were? She didn’t deserve to be treated that way and the fact that I couldn’t do anything, made my blood boil.

lady indecent dressing
You still beat yourself up whenever you remember

Situations like this have a way of denting my self-esteem. Do you ever wish you had a loud voice that could cover for you even though you are wrong? Most times, the loudest voice wins whether right or wrong. It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me. I thought of many things I could do to help the lady but I remained mute on my sit. And then again, I thought, perhaps there is someone else who is also irritated by the scene but helpless too. It also reminded me of the case of jungle justice, where the loudest voice wins because the ones who frown against the act are smaller in number. They are scared, they will rather not speak up to avoid being up for the slaughter too.

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Have you ever been in such a tight fix too?  How do you handle the pang of guilt? Let’s discuss this, kindly leave me a comment on your opinion. 

lady indecent dressing
It makes the world a scary place for introverts like me.

Ashewo– A Yoruba word that means ‘Prostitute’. Yoruba is a language spoken in West Africa and most prominently Southwestern Nigeria.

Shior– A Yoruba word that means ‘Rubbish’.

5 min read

I had been a fan of the multichoice franchise reality show Big Brother Naija but had lost interest in it over the recent years majorly because of society and life. But before that, I had followed closely it’s foreign counterpart Big Brother Canada where I found myself hooked on the mechanism of the human mind. A real Game of Thrones scenario, although excluding the literal death toll, I would argue that there was some cold surgical/assassin type of approach with which some housemates schemed and threw others under the bus.

Now back to the point, safe to say I’m gradually getting my mojo back for the show. I started to develop an interest in this year’s Big Brother season five themed ‘Lock Down’, because of the similarity it shares with the BB Canada counterpart, one being the housemates get to evict their fellow housemate. An ultimate twist no one saw coming. In such a heated competitive environment like that, many will wonder how easy it is for a housemate to chum up a fellow housemate and maintain their con knowing fully well that they could be next. Well, this is Big Brother, anything can happen.

Read: The sinister origins of Big Brother that you might not have known about

Untold Facts about the 20 Housemate in the Big Brother Naija ...

 I appreciate the genius in which Multichoice incorporated this year’s voting and eviction system as it gets the viewers more invested. But getting more acquainted with the show, I am starting to feel somewhat irritated as to how a Game of Thrones type of script flipped into a high school romance. I found myself asking questions like; “do these people even remember the prize at stake?” But the more I ponder on this question, the more I am reminded that the show in its true essence is a social experiment, a window into the mind and heart of society. Point being that people’s behavior and character can be unpredictable or predictable given the situation.

BBNaija 2020: Official Photos From Housemates' Second Saturday Party
Do these people even remember the prize at stake?

This season (BB Naija Lock Down) gives a unique opportunity to look into some constants that seem never to change in the society we live in. It mirrors vividly the society in the following areas;


 If you are attentive to the show, you would have noticed the shift in relationships which is no different from how we the viewers live, even though we are quick to judge. The means of picking a partner, the chase, the interaction between lovers (using the Laycon, Erica and Kiddwaya’s triangle) Laycon; a bright young artist, described by his peers and a tangible sum of the housemates as an intellectual and sharp mind, Erica; a beautiful actress, with a beautiful smile, and  Kiddwaya; son of a billionaire, smooth, flirtatious and physically appealing.

Big Brother Naija Lockdown
L-R; Kidwayya, Erica, Laycon

 If you follow the show, you already know the plot of this story. So I will spare the boring details and ask you, “given the position of Erica, which would be your pick between the two young men?” This question is to cut through the superficial pretense and self-righteousness. But it gets better, having made your choice, how would you carry on especially when it seems the person you have chosen seems to state not to be looking for something serious.

Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever You Are Dating Owes You!

 This situation succeeds in mirroring a deep human behavior of this era; You’ve probably heard people talk of leaving options open in relationships. It’s as common as breathing now, (this is my opinion and subject to criticism and debate) but I find this a result of fear. Whether of not being heartbroken, wasting time, or waiting for a better option when they eventually walk into our lives. But this is the way of the times. Everyone has their eyes open for something better, whether it is wrong or right.

BBNaija 2020
Everyone has their eyes open for something better, whether it is wrong or right.


 This has been existing since the history of the show. There seems to be a subconscious matchup of seemingly good versus evil; one housemate against another, for example, one of the previous seasons ( themed Double Wahala) which had two female housemates, Cee-C versus Alex, and the most recently concluded (Pepper Dem) had Tacha Vs Mercy. While this might strike as a normal human character, even healthy in some cases but the environment reveals a dark truth. You begin to see, blind devotion,(even to behaviors you know you can’t honestly stomach personally if faced with it) character assassination, twisting obvious truths or facts and interpreting them in ways that are at least ludicrous and at most fantastic and mind-blowing, to favor your favorite in the house.

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Big Brother Naija
There seems to be a subconscious matchup of seemingly good versus evil; one housemate against another. L-R; Tacha, Mercy

But this is us, it’s our reality, we want what we want, be it good or evil. To those who complain that some fans are toxic, blame not! I’ve sat down to reflect on these things and realized that for any housemate a fan supports, he or she is a reflection of who they are and what appeals to them, consciously or unconsciously. Hence the saying, “We attract our kind”. That fan might appear cool personally and you wonder why they passionately support the villain of the show right? Maybe if you can gain access to the blueprint of their mind, you’ll know why. Sometimes it takes another character to tell our true character or some things we never knew about us.

Read: The Long Wait, The Lessons, and My Identity Crisis

 The Big Brother Nigeria show indeed mirrors society’s behavior in several ways. Take this challenge, pick two housemates, and do a case study on their characters, I guarantee the outcome will be you finding much more characters in them that complement society. So do you watch the show? If yes, then you’ll most definitely agree with my points.

Big Brother Naija
Sometimes it takes another character to tell our true character or some things we never knew about us.

 So let’s discuss, in what way(s) would you say the show relates to society for you? Also, be it with this current season or the past ones, has there been any housemate(s) that resonates with your psychological makeup?

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For me, it’s Laycon of course. The intellectual that’s nice with the flow. Yeah, I rap too. I’ll like to know that housemates and why you feel connected to their character. And to those who do not watch the show or used to but stopped, maybe you can tell us why too… that’s if you read the post up until this part.





BRIEF BIO- Sometimes a writer, sometimes a poet, every other time a daydreamer. All my different personas. Find me in a studio near you as Grenade. IG- @renegadevandy49 TWITTER- @renegadevandy49 Kindly leave me your thoughts on this post in the comment section 😄👇



4 min read

Everyone has a spec, some of us have it built more on the mental side while some on the physical, but we will all agree that the majority gravitates towards the latter. Have you ever thought about it that sometimes the way that we think makes us believe lies that eventually make us channel our expectations in the wrong light? Maybe you do not understand, but I would explain in succinct lines.

Once upon a time, I saw a movie by Tyler Perry titled Nobody’s Fool. To save you all of the many shenanigans, in that movie, Tiffany’s sister had a book of specifications- she wanted her ideal man to meet a requisite pattern in terms of looks and how he must act in a social context. It sounded more like a perfect idea when she met a man on the online web who checked every item on her spec list. The tall and short of the tale is that she assumed wrongly about the one that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She ended up settling to love a man that didn’t aptly fit into her specification for an ideal man.

Read: Should Marriage Have An Expiry Date?

spec Nobody's fool

This brings a question to mind and it is, is it ideal to have a specification list in choosing a partner? Oftentimes I hear my peers talking about the kind of women or men that they want to end up with. Some of them tell me that regardless of other realities of life, they want women or men that are lanky, cute, rich, and all of the others that come to mind. My thought exactly is, if they have this spec list for themselves, does it in any way guarantee that they would get the best out of that union?

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 In situations where people end up marrying the life partners that they have chosen, especially those that have the glam of an expensive wedding which gains an edition in several marriage blogs and equally becomes the yardstick for the ‘I tap’ Whatsapp group, I wonder why such marriages fail. Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed? We can try to play smart but no matter how we cannot cheat mental compatibility. In my opinion, failed marriages/relationships happen to those who have their spec list built more on the physical side. Paying too much attention to what they see rather than what’s upstairs.

Read: Domestic Violence! How Many More Jonny Depp’s to be Uncovered?
Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed?

Let me use the African Star Apple (Agbalumo) as an example. When it comes to selecting one that soothes your taste bud, ideally you’ll pick the one that looks bubbly and very brown and also appears hydrated. But sometimes we are aghast by the slapping taste it gives us. Despite the appearance, it still failed us. That’s the thing about specs, you cannot be sure if that handsome man or beautiful lady will complement you in every area. Yet the majority of us still prefer to have a specification list bent more on the physical. At the end of the day, settling for one’s spec is like a ‘try your luck’ game. While we might get closer, a lasting union is not guaranteed. 

African Star Apple

The Flip Sides and the BIG FLIP

But there’s another flip side. It can be difficult for some particular individuals to be sexually attracted to people who match or supersede their mental strength. Despite the vibe, they will rather piss themselves than have sex with each other. “Why are intelligent people less attractive?” lol. Does the question ring a bell? Or “Why is it that fine people do not know mathematics?”

Read: Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

You find a man who prior to entering a relationship tells you that his spec is a slim, fair, and tall lady. But he ends up settling for a dark thick lady who is not so much on the beautiful side. Why is that so? Personally I feel a person might get closer to their spec but the outcome is what determines if they will stay. Specifications give an expectation based on how we assume that situations or relationships with people should turn out, but life has other plans when we plan to follow a sequel of logic.

Are you your spec’s spec?

Now to the questions bothering, is it right to have a spec list? Which should weigh more in writing a spec list, the mental or physical? Also, People who do not have a list of what an ideal life partner should look or act like, are they making mistakes too? If you have also been in a situation where you settled for your spec, you know the ‘love at first sight tingy’, I’ll like to know the outcome. Are you still kicking it? Perhaps you’re like a friend of mine who settled for his spec, he often tells me that whenever he feels like breaking up, he considers how beautiful she is and buys her another straw.

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Lest I forget the BIG FLIP, you might have a spec, but are you your spec’s spec? Stop rolling your eyes and answer the question especially those of you who belong to the ‘I am sapiosexual’ Whatsapp group. Let’s figure this out because, at the end of the day, this might just be the foundation of plenty of problems to come. I need your projected opinions, please.