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Mutterers Club

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6 min read

Growing up in Surulere, Lagos Nigeria, was one of the best things that happened to me. You know the popular saying “if you no fit wise for Lagos, you no fit wise anywhere” right? residents of Surulere have their own version which says, “if you no Ja for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life.” In plain English, it means If you don’t get wise living in Surulere, no other location can make you wise.

Living in surulere, you are exposed to a lot of things that will either make or break you and that includes sex at a young age. My first sex experience was almost at age fifteen, it was not how I envisioned it to be though. I imagined it would be after a candlelight dinner, roses on the floor and on the bed with soft slow music like I usually read in the many romantic novels my eldest sister owned (I always read them without her knowledge). To make it worse, my first sex wasn’t with the love of my life, it was more of me trying to act out what I watched in a pornographic film.

first sex
if you no JA for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life

Growing up I had a thing for older women and then living in a ‘face me I face you’ compound or ‘face me I slap you’ (whichever name you are familiar with), I had a lot of big aunties in my compound that I fancied and imagined sticking my penis in them. Crazy right? I was exposed to porn at a young age by a fellow kid in my compound who had stumbled on it from a Chip and Dale cartoon videotape his dad had bought for them. Poor dad, he had no idea such was on the tape because you had to wait about five minutes after the cartoon had ended for the porn to start playing.

 

Now to the big gist lol. My first sex happened after my Junior WAEC, spending a lot of time at home doing nothing, an idle mind was no doubt going to be the devil’s workshop. She was always home alone too because she wrote the exams as well. She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched. I usually sent her love notes indicating I wanted sex and somewhere at the back of my mind praying deep within that she doesn’t show her parents. Also to push my desires further, I would buy her agoyin and agege bread (local made beans and bread) every morning with my pocket money and finally one day she agreed.

first sex
She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched.

In my wildest imagination, I never pictured my first sex was going to happen inside a public bathroom but it was the safest because both our apartments were not safe, anyone could badge in at any time. I remember I had to go in through the bathroom window that had burglary proof. Guess what, they lived upstairs and we stayed downstairs, meaning I had to climb the iron that housed the water tank but was close to the bathroom window. Thinking of it now, I still don’t know how I managed to pull that off.

first sex
I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her.

I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her. Luckily for me, it was not her first time so she was always guiding me, also I think the videos helped a little. A lot changed about me afterwards, psychologically it made me start feeling and acting more mature than my age. I stopped doing what my age mates were doing and always wanted to be in the loop of every senior joke… after all what have they done that I haven’t? Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex.

First sex
It became a routine

My relationship with her after the first sex improved a lot, I was always looking forward to the next time as she became a means for me to practice everything I watched or read about sex. In fact, it became a routine (twice every day), immediately everyone had left the compound to work and before everyone came back from work or school. Our relationship got bad when she started getting clingy and wanted me to let everyone know I was her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her I had already moved up a league, and she was my side chick, in my tiny mind oh…so I ran for my life. 

first sex
I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls

During my university days, there were times I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls (don’t judge me oh) but I have slowed down now. Looking back, I have a different view and I think the sex thing is just so overrated, most especially in Nigeria. Don’t say because I have had my own fair share now I am saying it is overrated oh, but if you look closely you will see it is.

My candid advice to virgins out there would be to stay virgins until they are very sure and want to give it up to the right person. Spoiler alert!  you always end up giving it to the wrong person LOL. Remain a virgin because it is easier to abstain from sex when you are still one than when you are not, trust me konji na bastard, in plain terms I mean sexual urge can make you go crazy.  If you try all the ‘I am going celibate’ yarns and you don’t have Christ in you, no principles, and still consume substances that spike the desire for sex, like alcohol and late-night romantic movies, or movies with plenty sex scenes, my dear your celibacy race will only last at most six months or maybe eight before you become the ‘knacker’ or the ‘knackee’ again.

first sex
Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship.

Different people have different reasons why they always want to go celibate, as for me, I don’t want to and don’t plan to. I don’t even put the word in my head, because putting the word in your head will end up putting you under pressure. If I want to abstain, I abstain.

I am currently in a committed relationship and we are sexually active. Sex is good for the body and the mind when done the right way and without any pressure from either party. Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship. So it is better not to lose your virginity than saying you want to go celibate in the long run.

 

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4 min read

Every girl’s dream or should I say most is to wait until their wedding night to serve their cherry on a gold platter to that special someone for a pop. I was like most girls but my race was cut short after I stumbled upon his cute face. He had the most amazing smile and set of teeth I’ve ever seen and to crown it all, he was a senior member of the beard gang association… Oh, how I love beards!

Shortly after I gained admission into the university, I ran into Mr X, we had a lot of things in common which made our friendship kick off at a fast pace. We were inseparable and did almost everything together, including studying. He was consistent with checking up on me and always ensured I was comfortable by dropping gifts and goodies frequently. We both knew we wanted more than just basic friendship, but he had a girlfriend so it was a red flag. 

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first sex
To crown it all, he was a senior member of the beard gang association… Oh, how I love beards!

A new session began, and lord knows I couldn’t wait to set my eyes on him, I had missed him so much. Sometime during the holidays on one of our long phone conversations, he mentioned he had ended the relationship with his girlfriend, I was excited. As we kicked off the new semester he asked me out, I guess you already know what my answer was. 

Virtually every chance I got, I ensured my lips and tongue underwent a journey all over his lips, accompanied with some sexy lip bites…yes I love kissing, shoot me!!! and being a chairlady of the big boobs gang, I showed a little cleavage and skin whenever I could.

first sex
And being a chairlady of the big boobs gang, I showed a little cleavage and skin whenever I could…

For the first few weeks in the relationship, we were touring only the north region and never went down south. Although he made few attempts I always repelled his wishes mainly because of the scary stories I heard about how messy and painful first sex is. I wasn’t ready for such pain. Weeks went by until I brought myself to terms that it had to be done. O boy! I tasted the forbidden fruit and I could tell already that it was going to purge me because I was definitely going back for more. Although painful, my first sex was sweet and worth it.

First sex

I was a 19 years old girl who was deeply in love and felt it was the right time. I understood the implication of my decision. Prior to losing my virginity, I never saw myself as a jealous or insecure girlfriend but afterwards, these sides began to show. It seemed as though every girl I saw him talk to or hang out with was trying to replace me. Something in me felt like he had had the cookie and was ready to move over to the next available one. Crazy insecure thoughts right?

first sex
I was definitely going back for more. Surprisingly my first sex was sweet.

I couldn’t let him in on what my insecurities were to avoid looking desperate, God forbid anyone should perceive me that way. My insecurities built up and caused a huge dent in our relationship. I doubted every move and words he said and you know being in a relationship where one party doesn’t trust the other creates way for doom. After several attempts to make things work, we came to the conclusion of going our separate ways though we still remained friends. 

Looking back, I wouldn’t change anything even if I had the power to because every act shaped me into the lady that I am now, and truthfully I don’t think it would be fair to deprive my younger self of all the enjoyment I had. With him I had my best sexual experiences. 

first sex
After several attempts to make things work, we came to the conclusion of going our separate ways

Sex is not overrated, it is a beautiful experience and opening yourself to another being especially someone you’re deeply in love with is amazing. I used to think that I was a sex freak, and can never go celibate because whenever I was with him I can’t seem to keep my hands to myself but look at me now, I haven’t been with anyone in over seventeen months. 

If you’re still flying your V-card (still a virgin) and you’re caught between crossroads on what to do, don’t compromise for anyone whatsoever. Whatever you do should be on your own terms. 

 

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4 min read

My first sex was more of an abuse than an experience, 10-years-old me getting deflowered by my female cousin who I think was about 18-years-old. Looking back, I wonder how a teenager got so spoilt, perhaps she was abused too.

She always came over especially during the weekend and on one occasion, she took a liking to touch me when no one was home. I didn’t think much of it then as I always felt since she bathed me and she was older there was no reason to object. Maybe I liked it also, I can never say, but then she kept playing with my penis every time we were alone. Fortunately for her, we were always alone, as I was an only child then and my parents were never around.

first sex experience
Fortunately for her, we were always alone, as I was an only child then and my parents were never around.

One day, I was on my bed reading (one of those kid storybooks) when she came in and asked me to massage her back. I was glad to abandon my book as I was already bored, she took off her clothes in front of me and made me stare at her boobs. I was amazed at the sight so I got on her back and started rubbing her back. She turned and I had her breasts in my hands. She got me to rub them and before I knew it, she already got my penis out of my pants.

Read: Am I The Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Then she asked me to take my clothes off and lie on my back. I obeyed and she started blowing me, I had never ever felt the way I felt that day. It wasn’t comfortable, the only thing I knew my penis was for was to pee, the idea of a mouth sucking it was strange and confusing for me. After that she started fingering herself and she sat on my dick, at first I didn’t know what she was doing was called sex, it didn’t even occur to me that that moment would mar my life for a very long time.  She got on with riding me till I started crying and grumbling that my penis was hurting. She threatened that if I don’t remain quiet, she was going to slap me. She kept riding and moaning until she started shivering and collapsed on me. Afterwards, she got dressed and acted like that day never happened till today.

first sex experience
Afterwards, she got dressed and acted like that day never happened till date.

It was like a game I didn’t understand, from that moment I wasn’t the same, I kept wondering what happened. I was confused and curious to know what we did, I couldn’t ask my parents because we were not close. I didn’t know I was even dis-virgined until two years later when I watched my first porn and knew what sex really was. I got curious and wanted to experience the feeling again. I became obsessed with anything that had to do with sex. 

I wanted to experience that feeling again with my cousin.  I was addicted to her, I would smell her panties and clothes, even if it’s just to feel myself and get hard. Unlike me, she was mean to me afterwards, she never called me up for it and kept acting like nothing happened. But I wanted her, I wanted her to ride me again, but she never wanted me again. I was obsessed with her until I was about seventeen years old.

first sex experience
Until two years later when I watched my first porn and knew what sex really was

The incident made me addicted to sex. I lost count of the number of girls I have slept with just to experience that never-ending lust and sexual urge my cousin created in me. I couldn’t have a normal relationship with girls, I didn’t have a female friend that I never wanted to sleep with, my relationships didn’t last four months as I was never satisfied with the same girl after three times of having sex with them.

Much later in my adult life, it dawned on me that it wasn’t normal so I opted to see a counsellor. I realized the sexual abuse was what triggered my obsession with sex so I began therapy. As time went on, I got help and started living a normal life. 

first sex experience
There’s no soul connection or bond there, it isn’t two lovers meeting each other in blissful pleasure and harmony, it’s just sex.

You might think that my opinion is biased because of my experience but sex is overrated. I know a lot of styles and I’ve slept with all types of girls, so it really isn’t anything more than the penetration and cumming after minutes of pounding. There’s no soul connection or bond there, it isn’t two lovers meeting each other in blissful pleasure and harmony, it’s just sex. 

Virgins shouldn’t burst their caps or sweat their balls trying to perfect their first time, but they should just be careful with who they lose it to because we always most of the time end up getting addicted to our first partners. 

 

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4 min read

My first sex experience wasn’t the cliche ‘love struck’ thing neither was it passionate or sweet. It was a ‘red’ episode.

I lost my virginity at the age of seventeen to a guy way older than me. Truth be told, I actually did like him because he was nice or maybe it was all pretence. One afternoon after summer lesson I paid him a visit (a harmless visit, I thought), fast forward past the jokes and laughter, the mood became intense and the young man began to cajole me for “just the tip”. Young and naive or should I say a part of me was curious so I gave in.

Without full penetration, my hymen broke. The blood flow coupled with severe pains made me scream so much like a woman in labour. “Don’t worry, it’s better I did it at least it won’t be hard when you get to the university”, he said. No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react. 

Read: Are You On Your Period?
first sex experience
No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react.

Why did I visit? I messed up. In this part of the world where mental health is given no importance, it affected me mentally but I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. I became uncomfortable with sex talks, scared of the thought of penetration and cringed whenever I heard words like penis, dick or prick. Yuck!

My fears followed me to university, I hated guys to some extent, I could only cope in a relationship so long as sex wasn’t involved. I had sweet relationships but I usually would jump, scream, and sometimes cry whenever they asked for sex. This was how I scaled through several relationships in university.

first sex experience
Love me? but no sex!

Fast forward to life after university, waiting to serve ‘mama Nigeria’, I liked someone, he was crazier about me than I was though. He is smart, a spender(he had good money), liked to show his woman off, a good adviser, and a deep talker. No lies, I was blown away, which girl on earth wouldn’t want that kind of man?  Definitely not me. Even though at that time I was all about myself, career and tried not to make love a priority, I really liked him and he was serious about a relationship and settling down with me.

He said I was different, I made sure he knew my stance on how painful and uninteresting I saw sex and so all attempt to make love was a ‘No No’ until one fateful night after our ‘romantic beach trip’. After having so much fun, we got to the estate only to realize the entrance gate was locked so we lodged in a hotel.

Read: Personal First Time Sex Stories
first sex experience
One fateful night after our “romantic beach trip”

An unforgettable experience but he was a sweet gentleman. I knew I wasn’t ready but it just happened. I had to binge drink some alcohol to make me numb to the pains and his sweet words made me more comfortable too. “It won’t hurt, not everyone bleeds the first time”, he assured me.  The loud-soft scream I let out with my eyes shut ended the night. This was a few days after my 21st birthday. 

Sex felt overrated, I was indifferent and wondered if everything people said was true or possibly I had it with the wrong person. No, I didn’t look forward to another sexcapade but  I was in a relationship so it happened over and over. I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about. 

first sex experience
I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about.

Here’s something I figured, one could actually care and love you without sex involved, also, not every relationship should be all about sex. Although we broke up, we still keep in touch cause beyond the sex, we are both intellectuals and still discuss business and life. My childhood experience did have a grave effect on me but overcoming it is what matters. Glad I was able to meet someone who made sex worth trying again. When people ask me what age I lost my virginity, I usually say 21, because I have chosen to let that bad memory go away and stick with this beautiful one.

Sex is sacred for me. If you don’t love them, don’t sex them, especially if it’s your first time to avoid bad memories lurking. Even though I looked forward to candle lights, sweet savouring smell, roses littered in a jacuzzi for the first time, I believe it played this way for a reason. And hey, to virgins out there wondering if to try or not, make sure it’s  not because of peer pressure or empty talks.

 

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4 min read

A friend invited me to her church one Sunday and when it was time for offering, we all danced forward and dropped our offerings in the box. After the first offering, we had four other rounds of offerings, one category was to raise money for their new church building. I am sure this is not new to most of us especially from this part of the world. Other offering categories included children offering, Levites offering and women offering.

I was perplexed at why the pastor collected so much from the members, I felt like he was exploiting them. To my greatest surprise, the brethren who sat close to me divided N100 notes into five and split it in different envelopes. I felt like I had been duped because I put N200 in the envelopes making a total of N1000.

Read: Testifiers Are Performers

How Much Money Have Black Churches Collected From Members ...

I got home that day asking myself why I allowed myself to be exploited that way. You know that feeling when you go to the market to buy something only to get back home and confirm the price and discover the seller cheated you? That was how I felt. Then suddenly some rare question crossed my mind  “Who really owns the church- God, the pastor, or the members?”

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A lot of us stroll into church every Sunday, worship God and stroll out but we have never bothered to ask how things are run in the church. How do they fuel the generator? How do they make minor repairs in the church? How does the full-time pastor feed his family during the week? You meet the house of God well decorated, but do you bother to know what goes on behind the scenes?  Then you stroll out of the church and go to social media to tweet…“My pastor is definitely using my money to build an empire #ScrapTithing”. 

Read: Sundays, For Fashion Not Sermon
church
“My pastor is definitely using my money to build an empire #ScrapTithing”

I thought of two reasons why that pastor collected five offerings: 

  • The church might be a new church and things are still hard for them.
  • The members are not giving enough and the pastor decided to divide the offering for accountability purposes.

I’m not saying the pastor is right to have collected five offerings but come to think of it, a lot of church members are stingy, they want to get from God but they don’t want to give to support his cause. We forget the principle of “give and it shall be given unto you”.

church
The church might be a new church and things are still hard for them.

The brethren who I saw dividing N100 notes into five gave me an insight on what the majority of the members likely did. These same church members will go out and say “my pastor is duping me”. Some of you might want to argue that brethren give what they can afford but we all know the truth here. Some brethren are unapologetic leeches who want to enjoy feeding off the goodness of the church without any sympathy of giving.

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We all understand that Christ is the head of the church but what is the head without the body? As members, we are responsible for the church growth as well as the pastor. Apart from giving our widow’s mite, we should be able to give a substantial amount that will be used to develop the church.

church
Begin to take responsibility and contribute your own quota.

Like we often say  “I am going to my church” instead of  “I am going to my pastor’s church”, let’s act on it. Begin to take responsibility and contribute your own quota. I’m not leaving the pastors out of this. Pastors must be accountable for every dime they get. The lack of transparency of some pastors is what gives people who know nothing to blab. It is wrong to turn the church into a money-making factory where members are sucked off all they have. Let’s be guided.

3 min read

Blum House ‘Fantasy Island’ tells a story about five people who are lucky guests on an Island “where any and everything is possible“. An island where wishes although come true, turns into prison or nightmare. The film follows each individual’s fantasy, revealing the psyche of each character; their personal battles and demons, the road they wish they took as things slowly get out of control.

The pace of the movie is excellent, as it gives the viewers a walk through each character’s personality and journey without the need for a long back story. The fantasy begins soon after the characters settle in and not long after, so does the chaos.

Read: The Mask Of Civility

Watching ‘Fantasy Island’, I had summarized the outcome of the movie, as I do with most horror, thriller or suspense movies for fun, but the writers, Jeff Wadlow, Chris Roach and Jillian Jacobs, throw in beautiful curve balls and plot twists as if prepared for cynics like me.

Fantasy Island' Trailer: Blumhouse Remakes Classic Show as Horror ...

Frankly, I was skeptic about watching the horror thriller film because of the impression I got from Jason Blum’s previous production ‘Us’. Not to take anything away from the cast who did very well,  and also the final revelation of the main character (Adelaide Wilson) played by Lupita Nyong’o. But as part of the twist included the whole town rather than just Adelaide’s family, it lost the very beautiful direction the story was taking. Sorry for deviating, I just had to chip in the comparison to emphasize how impressed I am with Jason Blum on this one. 

Read: A Mask On Our Stupid

fantasy island on muttering minds

I tip my hat to the cast, especially Michael Peña who plays Mr Roarke, the curator/owner of the fantasy island. For someone who is no stranger to comedy, he does very well in shifting personality and delivery in executing a man who’s dream and ambition comes at a cost and so he lives burdened with his choices.

Fantasy Island review on muttering minds

The movie passes an age-old school of thought, “The grass is greener on the other side”. People always feel dissatisfied with their reality. Always wishing for more and because of the beauty of imagination, we actually become discontent with reality, only to realize we have to make the best out of what we have. It also tolls forgiveness and acceptance.

muttering minds fantasy island review

‘Fantasy Island’ is a thrilling movie for fans of the horror/ thriller genre. After watching the movie I asked myself, “If wishes became horses for real, will I actually ride?” I don’t think so. I will leave you with a quote from the beautiful song in the end by Jared Lee “Don’t wish your life away” that captures the essence of the movie.

“There’s a fine line between what we want and what we need…Don’t wish your life away…Don’t live for yesterday”.

 

 

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3 min read

I’ve seen atheists effortlessly defend the notion that there is no God. I’ve seen the zeal in their eyes when they say “I know there is a supreme being but it’s definitely not someone sitting in the sky”. How about you dear Christians? To what extent can you brag that God exists?

A lot of ‘Christians’ become speechless especially on social media when it is necessary to defend what they believe in, they stay under the guise that “you cannot defend God”. I know you cannot defend God but you can defend what you believe. It is important to note that most atheists were once ‘strong’ Christians or would I say believers who after much trying stumbled upon several reasons to stop believing in the existence of what they often call an ‘abstract’ being. Their belief system changed.

Read: When God Takes A Nap

The 5 C's of Preaching

I remember a movie I saw in 2014 titled ‘God’s not dead’ by Micheal Scott. Josh Wheaton, a Christian, enrolled in a philosophy class taught by Professor Joffrey Radisson, a staunch atheist. The professor required everyone to write on a plain sheet that “God is dead”, that was the only way to pass that class. Josh refuses and the Professor challenged him to a debate to prove the existence of God.

It would have been easy as a believer to walk away from that class and say “lead us not into temptation” or “I cannot defend God” but Josh saw that over 200 students were going to deny the existence of God so they can pass the course. It is also easy to confess that God is dead then go home to ask God for forgiveness, at least he’s a merciful father. But Josh knew what he believed in and was ready to defend it even when failure was staring at him in his face.

Read: A Miracle Or By Force?

It would have also been easy to leave the class after Josh’s girlfriend, Kara had to break up with him over his madness but there was a bigger picture. Josh went back home to soak himself into an intense study of the word, searching and asking questions. Although the professor was able to counter all of Josh’s points in the first two rounds of debates, in the final debate, Josh was able to prove not just to the professor but also to the whole class that there is a God.

A lot of so called ‘believers’ find it difficult to speak about their beliefs because they only know the God of the Bible, they don’t know God for themselves. When there is a little counter opinion to what they know, they are easily swayed by it and then they resolve to make statements like  “he’s God, he can defend himself” or “I wont be caught arguing for God” or worse still they shut you up and warn you not to question what you can’t understand. Was it not the same God that gave us brains to think?

Christains
A lot of believers find it difficult to speak about their beliefs because they only know the God of the Bible, they don’t know God for themselves

As believers, it is important to soak yourself in intense study of the word. It is important to also search far and wide so as to encounter him because a day will come when your faith will be tested just like Jesus in the wilderness and God help you not to fall flat on your face. You don’t defend God but you defend what you believe. Imagine how many souls would have been lost if Josh behaved as you do and didn’t stand up for God. The professor would have polluted the mind of the other students and there would have been no revival.

Your voice as a believer can bring revival to the soul of many, quit being a Sunday Christian alone because a time will come when your gold will be put into the fire. In this lockdown, begin to seek the Lord for yourself so that he can reveal dimensions of his glory to you. Stop being a quiet Christain! Feed yourself with his words! Be defensive for Christ if you have to.

 

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3 min read

For Apple to purchase a movie for a whopping sum of  $20 million after watching just its eight minutes sizzle reel, then you know it is no joke. Starring Samuel L. Jackson as Joe Morris and Anthony Mackie as Bernard Garrett, ‘The Banker’ strikes the chord of an inspirational civil rights drama.

Based on real-life events, George Nolfi’s direct tells the story of two African American revolutionary entrepreneurs who seek to financially empower black Americans by buying homes in the white neighbourhoods for them to rent and offering loans to black-owned businesses. In order to get around racial discrimination and take on the racist establishment of the ’60s, they recruit a white guy as their frontman while they run the business from behind the scenes.

The Banker

I learnt a great deal from watching ‘The Banker’. First, the importance of marrying the right partner which for me, was one of the deepest lessons. Marrying the wrong spouse can cost you a great deal of misfortune. Like Eve convinces Adam to eat the forbidden fruit, It takes Matt’s wife similar ways to convince him for ownership of a property. Bernard’s wife, on the other hand, is a clever street smart woman who believes in him and supports him till the very end.

How much you want something should reflect on how much you are willing to work for it.  Bernard Garrett knows what he wants and was willing to go the extra mile to get it. I love the character. His overplay of ambition and guts makes his partners and investors pick interest in him from the onset. Another lesson I learnt from watching him is that it is not always about plenty talk but getting things done. If it means doing things the unconventional way then risk it so long as you believe in it. Anyone who wants to succeed in life should possess the dogged determination to see possibilities and make it a reality.

The Banker

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Asides being Apple’s most expensive film at the moment, another reason I was excited to watch ‘The Banker’ was because of Samuel L. Jackson. He’s a screen god who never disappoints in delivering his onions. He ranks as the highest of all-time box office stars with over $7.1 billion total US box office gross plus his numerous accolades and awards. It felt really exhilarating watching him play the supporting role to the lead actor. And on a lighter note, he didn’t use the word ‘motherfucker’ this time.

I really enjoyed watching ‘The Banker’ and had to recommend it to my followers out of excitement. I know it’s based on a real-life event and not fiction but I was really pained they lost a great number of their properties because of one man’s foolishness and ego. Overall, I think the casting, the cinematography as well as the sound effect were great. Editing too was apt cause I noticed some smooth connections between the pieces of the film. It’s a great one, you should watch it.

 

3 min read

So I  posted the image below on my WhatsApp status to get candid opinions from my contacts so guess what, 100% of the men picked Chioma, and by 100% I mean over thirty.

Wow! The world’s way of thinking has finally turned. I remember there was a time when people believed more of  “if you really love your woman and don’t want to lose her, don’t you dare tell her you’ve got another booty”. But now the guys are screaming “he loves Chioma, he trusts Chioma” in my DM… Like WT real F?

Some time ago, this same question came up while discussing with a group of friends and my opinion was completely shushed. I said that I’d rather a man be sincere with me from the onset if he’s got a date or shagging other females than lie to get my commitment. Cause  I’d rather decide my fate by myself than be thrown under a moving train of surprises. I want to know what I’m up against, rather than be crushed by a “stay away from my man” text.

Read: Who Are You Dating? Does Your Partner…

“shut up girl!”… I was hushed completely.  My friends said to me: A man that tells you he’s got another woman, doesn’t love you or respect your feelings. He only wants to use you. When he’s done, he’ll dump you and crawl back to the arms of his real love like you never happened. This was their take. Well, in the long run, I had to conform to their standpoint.

love
A man that tells you he’s got another woman, doesn’t love you or respect your feelings.

Sadly a lot of ladies don’t. Most ladies believe that if a man loves them, he wouldn’t say. NOT ME, Cause I know the kind of stress I’ll put the man through just to be sure he really wants me.  

Well, the recent responses I got on WhatsApp is a proof that men have moved into a different thinking zone, my thought zone! Welcome home guys, I’m happy to know that y’all have won the quest for SENSE SEARCH and I’m proud

 

Same Pill For Ladies?

No lady on this earth will tell the man she truly loves that she’s got another. 

If a lady ever says this, it’s either because she doesn’t love him yet, or she doesn’t love him at all. We’re crazy, we know. And as a blessed Visioneer, a lady already knows if she’ll end up loving/liking a man or not. I don’t know how we know this though, perhaps it’s a superpower.

If a lady has more than one man, whatever she chooses to do with them is totally dependent on her reason for getting into the relationship.

Read: How to Deal with a Love Triangle
A Faithful Man' explores the many sides of a love triangle
A man can’t handle the truth as a lady will

Men And The Truth

A man cannot handle the truth like a lady can.  No man I know will want to remain in a committed relationship with a lady if he finds out she’s got another man. And even if he stays, he’s just enjoying the bed works until he finds a clearer focus.

Note that all the points I gave are only applicable to dating relationships. If it’s got to do with marriage, CHIOMA IS A SIDE CHICK. No man will tell his wife he’s got a side chick. 

I thought I was one of the good guys. Then I read the Aziz Ansari ...
He’s just enjoying the bed works until he finds a clearer focus.

This then leads to one question I’m sure many ladies got on their minds while reading this… “Why won’t he do the same in his relationships?”

My dear, when we see God, we’ll ask him why he created men the way he did, cause I am clueless. Any man with an answer to this question can help us out, cause hell yeah! I’m interested.

And if you think he loves Bisola more, the floor is yours too. Gentlemen/ Ladies, shall we?

 

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4 min read

The short film ‘Bayi’ by Diane Russet, Big Brother Naija’s 2019 housemate, paints a bleak picture of teenage brides in certain parts of Northern Nigeria. It is an accurate depiction of the life of most underaged girls who marry too early.

‘Bayi’ is a Hausa word that literally means ‘slaves’. Who are the slaves in this absorbing film? All the female characters are. Slavery is portrayed through their submissiveness or blind obedience, inaction and indifference and backed by a religious text that is often misinterpreted to support child marriage. The women are not just enslaved by their submissiveness, they are enslaved by a culture that objectifies women. Oppressed by a culture that visualizes them as sex objects and discard them whenever they’ve outlived their usefulness. 

‘Bayi’ tells the story of an orphaned girl, Fatima,  played by Diane Russet, who is tossed to the street after the tragic death of her family. She takes to begging to survive, and on one occasion, she begs a girl and her mother for food. She and the girl are fated to meet again.

Fatima is adopted by Atikah and taken to Kano. Unsure of how her husband, Mallam Nuhu, would react to her decision to take Fatima in, Atikah becomes edgy, but her nervousness gives way to relief when Nuhu assures her of his support since they are childless. Fatima settles into her new home and her adoptive mother dotes on her.

In a moment of emotional outpouring, Fatima narrates her ordeal to Atikah, who listens compassionately as tears well up in her eyes. She narrates how her village in Jos was raided and reduced to rubble by terrorists. Her family is killed and she is held captive for days until she escapes.

Read Culture Shock! How Incongruous Is The Road That Leads Home?
Bayi
Diane Russet also deserves some accolades: she nailed her role.

Jos, Plateau state, has been a flashpoint for sectarian violence for years. A situation that should’ve been nipped in the bud a long time ago still exists. The tit-for-tat attacks by the Muslim and Christian communities on each other have continued unabated. Fatima was a victim of one of such attacks and there are many more like her in today’s world. It got me thinking, what projects or amenities has the government put in place for Internally Displaced Persons during a religious crisis or terrorist attack?  It’s always some shabby infrastructure, little wonder why most of the survivors flee the IDP camps. The Government need can do better. 

Fatimah’s tale of woes strikes a chord with Atikah and moves her to tears. Visibly shaken and distraught, Fatima sobs while Atikah comforts her.

When Alhaji Danladi visits Nuru and he is told about Fatima’s situation, he proposes to marry her to relieve the Nuhus of the financial burden of taking care of her: a proposal that Nuhu initially rejects but later accepts.

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Bayi

Arranged marriage is prevalent in Muslim communities in the North and it has been so since time immemorial. ‘Bayi’ brings to the front burner the prickly issue of arranged marriages involving underage girls. For religious reasons, the government has been reluctant to tackle the issue head-on. I can recall a bill proposing the age of consent for marriage to be 18 years and above was voted down because Muslim senators from the North claimed it would discriminate against Muslims.

Atikah tells Fatima that she is to be married off to Alhaji Danladi and she protests the decision and breaks down in tears. The scene made me realize how powerless women are in some parts of the North. This powerlessness stems from culture and religion. In Islam, a wife’s submissiveness is bountifully rewarded in heaven. This explains why Atikah can’t stand up to her husband’s decision even though she feels it is wrong.

Fatima’s marriage to Alhaji bears so much pain, abuse and emotional torture. Right from losing her virginity to birthing a stillborn and then complications which result in Vesicovaginal Fistula (VVF); she is stigmatized by Alhaji and her co-wives. She becomes a shadow of her former self. She loses her enthusiasm for life, and she sits all day and cries her eyes out.

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Diane Russet

When Alhaji notices that Fatima can’t control her bladder movement, he finds her disgusting and marries a new wife, Barika. Fatima recognizes Barika as the girl who once gave her food in Nasarawa state when she was homeless. After Barika has a share of Alhaji’s torture, the girls abscond and are rescued and treated by Dr Yasmine and Dr Nabila. 

‘Bayi’ is not just a movie to entertain the senses, but an exposè of the woes in northern Nigeria. It is a call to action to stop underage marriages and a call on the government and NGOs to invest more on the girl child. There are a few NGOs dedicated to helping girls with Vesicovaginal Fistula. One of them is the Kano Fistula Foundation. It is supported by the Fistula Foundation California and the United Nations Population Fund ( UNPF). We need more of this especially in northern Nigeria.

Kudos to the actors and actresses for their stellar performance. Alhaji Danladi, played by Nathaniel King, is so real I’m tempted to think he is a paedophile in real life. He is a fantastic actor. Diane Russet also deserves some accolades: she nailed her role. Atikah, played by Tope Olowoniya was exceptionally good. She did justice to her role. Barika, played by Maryam Kayode, is one child actress I’d love to see more in movies. All the characters gave in their best.

‘Bayi’ although a short film is powerful in its delivery to mean much more than its visuals.  It is a worthwhile production.

 

Click Here To Watch “Bayi”