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Mutterers Club

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3 min read

Knowing that you won’t be able to see, touch or interact with someone again comes with so much trauma especially when you know that if they were alive, things would have been a lot better in your life.

On February 22nd, 2007, exactly on a Thursday, I remember calling my dad from school to remind him of our inter-house sports competition and mid-term break so that he could come to pick me and my sister for the break but he never picked up his calls which was very unusual of him, so I put a call across to my mum, she wasn’t picking either.

The last option we had was to call our elder brother who immediately picked his call and told us dad had traveled, little did we know that he had traveled to have his eternal rest. 

Read: If You Knew The Last Time Will Be The Last Time
death
Knowing that you won’t be able to see, touch or interact with someone again

My brother assured us that he would be coming to pick us up. I started to get bothered, someone who traveled should be able to pick his calls right?  but I shoved the thoughts away after convincing myself that my dad is a grown man and can take good care of himself.

March 1st, 2007,  my brother came with my cousin to pick me and my sister up. As we arrived home, we met so many people in our house including the parish priest of my church. Some were crying while the rest wore sober faces. I was just 13 and had no idea what was going on, so I decided to go eat but my sister wouldn’t allow the food to go down my throat well as she kept asking the whereabouts of our dad. 

Read: Know More About Us

After the meal, I realized I hadn’t seen my mum so I asked and was directed to go outside. That was when I was met with a picture of my dad on a well-decorated table, it was then I realized something had gone wrong. My aunt broke the news to me that my dad had passed on. I couldn’t believe it, I had always thought that the heart of my lovely dad will never cease to beat.

Read: Words of Inspiration After the Death of a Father
death
I had always thought that the heart of my lovely dad will never cease to beat.

Diabetes snatched him away from us. I never had an idea it would be so soon, all I wanted was to achieve everything he wanted me to as he always said ‘Failure doesn’t come with the birth of a child but the decision of an individual’. Dear Dad, I know I failed you in this aspect while you were alive. I never valued these words up until you died.

I believe your death has brought me more self-love and confidence. If I could turn back the hands of time, I definitely would have listened to you and made people know that I am worth more than what they see with their naked eyes.

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death
I believe your death has brought me more self-love and confidence

I believe life moves on and you wouldn’t want me to hold back on anything. If I could say something to you now, it would be that I miss you greatly and I appreciate every effort you made to make me realize how wonderful I am and the importance of self-love.

I believe you are in a place that gives you peace and you are proud of me and my siblings and the achievements we have made so far. We miss you and love you so much.

YOU LIVE ON IN OUR HEARTS ALWAYS DAD.

 

 

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3 min read

Losing a loved one can be heart-rending and depressing. I have seen people slip into depression because they lost a loved one, and I never really understood the extent to which the loss of a loved one could take a toll on one’s life until I lost a dear friend.

Babangida and I met in secondary school. It was 2001 and I had recently been enrolled in an all-boys boarding school. I was finding it difficult making friends because I couldn’t speak fluent Hausa, and most of the students couldn’t communicate in English or Pidgin English; two languages I could speak with relative ease. Words travelled fast that a fake Americana had been admitted and I was treated like an exhibit in a museum. 

Everybody wanted to see the guy who didn’t understand Hausa. I told them that I grew up in the barracks and that because the barracks was a melting pot of people of different tribes, Pidgin English is the lingua franca. My explanations didn’t help. Just when I was dying of loneliness and boredom, I met Babangida and we sort of clicked. It was as if we had known each other for years. We bonded really well and became inseparable.

Read: Death Of A Loved One, Prior Gestures
death
We bonded really well and became inseparable

We both graduated and relocated to our respective states of residence; I, to Gombe, and Babangida, Plateau state. A couple of months later, I ran into a former classmate, Bashir, and he dropped a bombshell: he told me Babangida had passed on. I didn’t believe him at first, so I pressed him for details. He told me that he had heard that Babangida went to a stream to do his laundry and drowned after he mistakenly fell into the deep end. I treated the news with some doubt since he didn’t witness the incident. But as time went on, I ran into other former classmates of mine who corroborated Bashir’s story. My doubts began to taper off and I started to entertain the possibility that Babangida was really dead. For days, my heart ached and I was overwhelmed with grief.

Read: Can I Really Be Here?
death
Babangida went to a stream to do his laundry and drowned

Before Babangida’s passing, I had always thought that death only snatched certain kind of people. His death made me realize that death is a leveller and that it is no respecter of persons.

My friend’s death dealt me a severe blow. For days on end, I would stare blankly, hoping and praying that I would wake up and realize that news of my his passing was a dream. Getting over his death, an irreparable loss, was difficult. But as they say, “Time heals all wounds”.

Part of my healing process was letting go of anything my friend liked that would remind me of him. Anything from music, movies to fashion and hobbies.

 Read: When Your Best Friend Dies

Death of a loved one
My doubts began to taper off and I started to entertain the possibility that Babangida was really dead.

Even if I could turn back the hands of time, there was nothing I could have done to avert my friend’s untimely death because I believe it was fated to happen. In the days leading up to his death, I had had a series of nightmares.

It was an omen of impending death but I couldn’t put two and two together, and that’s probably because Babangida didn’t feature in my nightmares. His death still hurts. He was my best friend, and since his death, I have not had another.

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3 min read

Goodbyes are hard to say, I couldn’t help but agree the moment I got the news of little Alvin’s death. I’ve lost close relatives and friends but I can literally say his death was the most painful loss I’ve ever experienced. 

Little Alvin was a sweet loving kid, I enjoyed watching him blossom into an intelligent young man. His love for Disney Junior was typical of every active kid, once he fixes his gaze on the TV, no one dares to change the channel otherwise tantrums would become our lullaby the rest of the day. He was very loving regardless.

“Aunty Queen, thank you”… I can still hear the sound of his serene voice thanking me for buying him eggs and grapes on my way back for the holidays.

Read: Kids Immediately After Marriage, Yes or No?
death
Once he fixes his gaze on the TV…

My Sunday was going well, I had attended an ushers get together from church only to receive a call in the midst of the happy moments that my little Alvin was dead. “Dead how?”, I questioned in the midst of the confusion that accompanied the news. How can Alvin be dead? I kept asking until the call ended.

No way, it was a bitter pill to swallow, If any of my relatives wanted to prank me, would it be with the news of death? I soliloquized. I ran home in tears from the party to my friend and also a sister in Christ who stayed in the same hostel with me to pray with me, perhaps God will perform a miracle.

After speaking in tongues through our tears for some minutes, Little Alvin didn’t wake up. Several calls still confirmed his death.

Read: GRIEVING THE DEATH OF A CHILD
death of a loved one
I can still hear the sound of his serene voice thanking me for buying him eggs and grapes

Ohh!! How I cried. Prior to his death, I usually have premonitions anytime something bad was about to happen but in this case there was no gut feeling.

I always knew death was inevitable, but my idea about death was that a person has to be very sick before they die or maybe through accidents. I never envisaged that a little kid so full of life could just die without any of the factors involved.

death
The most painful goodbyes are those ones we didn’t have the opportunity to say.

The death of little Alvin changed my ideology on life and death. No one ever knows when he/she will die; so live every day as though it’s your last because tomorrow isn’t promised.

If I could turn back the hands of time I would love to spend more time with him.  Each time I see kids of his age, I begin to imagine how grown and smart little Alvin who I often call ‘uncle Alvin’ would have become. He died at the age of 5.

Read: Do You Still Feel Hurt?

Death of a loved one
But I still hold on to I and Alvin’s memories.

People often say they get over grief by removing everything that reminds them of their lost loved one but I still hold on to I and Alvin’s memories. The pictures, his reading chair, wardrobe and the rough markings he made in some corners of the house are still here. I always wear a smile each time I see them.

I can only thank God because who knows, Alvin could have grown into a fine man but so toxic to the family and society, or he would have died at a more advanced age after much investment in him. It would have been a bigger blow and shock to us.

His death taught me something very striking which is, “the most painful goodbyes are those ones we didn’t have the opportunity to say”.

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4 min read

To my year one college mystery guy…

Finding words to describe the death of a loved one is overwhelming as it feels like some cold night where deep truth comes to hunt.

Losing Godwin to the cold hands of death changed my perception of certain things. It was like a string holding my heart was cut.

My ‘mystery friend’ as I fondly called him always walked up to my lonely, quiet self in class. With so much boldness he will say “why are you not smiling”, “you no dey smile?” Those words had a special strange way of brightening my face, and then after, we’ll start conversing. 

death of a loved one
“why are you not smiling”, “you no dey smile?”

It wasn’t like I couldn’t snub him, I mean who walks up to someone they don’t know and obliges them in such manner. But Godwin was different, asides his intelligence and calmness, he wore a calm spirit which he tried so hard to disguise. 

Read: Tributes Should Not Be A Bed Of Lies…Stop!

We started getting pretty close that I will include his portion while cooking, serve in a cooler and send it to his hostel. He did the same for me too. We always had lunch together at the cafeteria, studied together with his friends. We eventually became so close, argued, bantered, debated… ohh! How endless the list was.

death of a loved one
We eventually became so close, argued, bantered, debated…

Suddenly after a long holiday, our department rep announced that Godwin was sick and won’t be resuming soon. Who would’ve imagined that a minor fall could result in dislocation and a serious leg injury and swellings? Every day the injury grew worse.

One faithful day he put a call across to me from his sickbed, and said; “babe, did I offend you, you cannot even call to check up”. I apologized sincerely and said I was going to check up more often, cause I mean he was so dear to me. We ended the call after filling ourselves with some good laugh. 

Read: Death Of Loved Ones, Prior Gestures
death of a loved one
We ended the call after filling ourselves with some good laugh.

A few days after, a bad day came smiling. Our department rep announced that Godwin was dead. He died from the cancerous leg injury.

Ohh dear, dear!!! It felt like a carpet was pulled off my feet. So much pain that as I write, it still tortures me. I almost collapsed, my colleagues had to support me back to my hostel. Ever felt so much pain that hits every fiber of your organs that you cannot move? I felt like a comatose struggling to regain my freedom from pain, but I couldn’t.

Read: Is Death An Open Sesame?
death of a loved one
Cries they say can’t bring back the dead but I wish mine did.
Read: If You Knew The Last Time Was Going To Be The Last

Our last conversation began to play in my head as regrets choked my heart. So he already said his last goodbye. It felt like the devil began to flog me with his words, they wouldn’t leave my head. The thought of saying I was going to check in again but didn’t kept hunting me.

Cries they say can’t bring back the dead but I wish mine did. Prior to his death, I used to think, some things could wait for later, but now, my whole orientation is reformed. It dawned on me to always do what is obtainable while I still can.

death of a loved one
It dawned on me to always do what is obtainable while I still can.

Reach out to loved ones often, forgive, pray. I know It’s easy to lose track, get carried away in your own world, but that one minute of your time won’t bite. That one minute, I wish I had to call my mystery guy and make him smile, chat and banter. 

His funeral was a whirlwind of tears, if it was possible for someone to get drowned in tears, I would have, but tears wouldn’t bring him back. I thought of running to him while he laid in state and then shouting “stand up!”, hoping he will hear me. 

Read: Grieving The Death Of A Friend
death of a loved one
Our last conversation began to play in my head and regrets choked my heart.

Songs from the legendary Jim Reeves began to make a lot of sense and communicated to me.

I beat myself each time I remember I forgot to check up. A simple call, visit or text could have made a difference, but I did none. Even though death might have still knocked, I would have felt a better peace.

But like we believe,  “Everything happens for a reason”. I thank my mystery guy for such beautiful memories and having a good impact on my life with his genuine friendship.  Rest On Godwin.

 

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2 min read

About forgivenessI know how to hold a grudge so when I have to forgive people it requires an extra effort.  I read somewhere that you know you have forgiven a person when you think about them and what they did and not feel hurt anymore. The truth is I still feel hurt even after saying “I forgive you“.

So to combat the spirit of unforgiveness, I started giving myself “proofs”. I will give my offenders anything they asked for. Go the extra mile for them, do things I didn’t even do before they offended me.

Forgiveness does not have to be once and for all. You can forgive and still be hurt.
One day the pain will fade but until then we keep forgiving and we keep loving.

The ‘proofs’ served as a response whenever the feeling of being hurt returned and the devil said I had not forgiven them. I always remind him of all that I did for them and tell him a person holding a grudge would not be that nice.

Read: How Seeking Forgiveness Can Be Exhausting

Forgiveness does not have to be once and for all. You can forgive and still be hurt. You’re human. But when you remember the event and feel hurt, you forgive again.

 forgiveness
You can forgive and still be hurt

You forgive today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year…as often as it takes. One day the pain will fade but until then we keep forgiving and we keep loving.

How about you? Do you forgive once or it takes a while? What’s your mantra towards forgiveness?

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3 min read

Talk of excitement? Valentine is upon us already. While the singles before today have been tormented hilariously with the now popular song “Valentine is coming! Where is your boyfriend”, premium lovers will be indulging in some heated romance today.

But let me ask, Is sex on Valentine’s day a must? Back in university, a guy caused an outcry when he collected the expensive gifts he bought his girlfriend on Valentine’s day because she withheld sex from him. 

The incident caused a heated debate, Some held that he acted immaturely and that getting his girl a gift didn’t mean she had to give him sex. Others felt since the guy forked out so much money for gifts, he deserved sex otherwise the girl is a gold digger.

valentine's
Does not having sex make her a gold digger?

The whole buzz about this year’s valentine made me recall the occurrence, so I asked my friend if sex was key on Valentine’s day.  “Just as rice taste better on Christmas day, sex feels better on Valentine’s day”…he responded.

What should happen then if a girl accepts gifts from her boyfriend but declines to give him sex, insisting that she took a vow of celibacy? Should she return the gift or should the guy let her keep it?

Read: Culture Shock! How Incongruous Is The Road That Leads Home? 

Lovers look forward to Valentine and attach significance to the day for different reasons. For some ladies, it’s the only day their broke or stingy boyfriend has no excuse not to buy them a gift. A boyfriend who fails to get his girlfriend a valentine’s gift goes against the spirit of Valentine and stands condemned. 

valentine's day
What do you do when she rejects the gift?

Truth is, most men dread valentine because they have to get their girlfriends gifts even if it means they have to beg, steal or borrow. A few men anticipate it because that’s the only day they get to have kinky sex and fulfill their fetish. Bottom line! Valentine’s day has become transactional; Men give gifts and expect to get sex.

My friend, who has an anal fetish, would always take an aphrodisiac on Valentine’s day because he wants to get his money’s worth. Last Valentine he and his girlfriend had kinky sex, anal sex precisely ( a request she had previously turned down). The gifts he bought her made her feel beholden to him. He told me the gifts cost him an arm and a leg and that he could only get his money’s worth if she satisfied his sexual fantasies, and she did.

Read: My Most Memorable Valentine

After a sex marathon, she came out looking fatigued as she clutched her gift like her life depended on it. How did I know this? My house is adjacent and I got to listen to some funny tunes she sang (if you know you know). And when she was leaving, the busybody in me craned out of the window to catch a glimpse of her. 

valentine's
Gifts for Sex?

Personally, I have never had a valentine’s fun moment because I have never had a girlfriend during valentine’s. I have never given anyone a valentine’s gift or received any. The universe only connects me to girls after Valentine, and for this, I’m grateful. Not that I’m so broke or stingy, it’s just that I don’t appreciate the drama associated with Valentine. If I ever were to buy someone a valentine’s gift, I’d be torn between not wanting to go bankrupt because I want to impress them or not wanting to cheapen them with the gift I buy. This alone can drive me insane.

 

4 min read

It was a shivering cold night on the eve of 2019 Valentine’s Day and I had buried myself underneath my 1990s thick blanket, not these Hi-Target blankets that are currently in the market, but yet, I was still freezing. 

My fingers were twitching and I could even feel my knee on my face, as my back curved into shape C while I tried to cuddle myself. 

To fight the cold a little bit more, I made hot tea, one big terrible mistake. The tea burnt my tongue and also bestowed upon me another huge problem. After heating myself up and finding the right spot on my bed to fight the cold, I felt my bladder trying to reach out to my urethra.

I ignored it at first but the call became more intense so I rushed to the toilet and relieved myself but that was just one of the many times that I had to use the Toilet that night. 

When my bladder was finally empty, I began the search for the right spot again and after about 5 minutes, I discovered the right body posture. I immediately arranged myself into the position and closed my eyes to sleep but the night wasn’t done with me just yet.

Read: Should The Price Of A Gift Matter?

My phone went off and immediately I saw the caller ID, I jumped off my bed. My heartbeat increased and this great enthusiasm filled my soul. It was my 2 weeks old crush from church that was calling.

The moment I knew it was her

I answered the call and her soothing voice sent shivers down my spine. My heart began to pound that I literally thought it was going to pop out of my ribs. The next day was Valentine’s Day and in my mind, I believed that Saint Valentine was about to bless me. 

I had not said a word as I was still recovering from the beauty in her voice when she repeated herself slowly, “hello, John.”  By now, I was on the floor, off my bed, rolling on the cold tiles in my room, fully naked and smiling like a big fool. 

I responded but it took me about 10 seconds to say “hello”. I had and still have never stuttered the way I did that night.

The next words that came out of her mouth sent me to heaven and back. She asked: “John, what exactly would you like as a Valentine gift?”

Image result for kevin hart shocked
The moment she asked “John, what exactly would you like as a Valentine gift?”

I immediately started jumping all over my room, making scenarios and was full of excitement. I almost ran into my mom’s room to share the good news. 

I told her that I’d like a Puma shoe and even told her my shoe size. She chuckled, thanked me and we ended the call. 

For the rest of the night, I couldn’t sleep. My head was busy making scenarios. I stayed awake till 5 am and then slept until 9 am when my mom came to wake up because of a visitor I had in the living room.

Rushed there and saw it was her. I rushed into the toilet, brushed my teeth and wore my finest clothes. She asked that I escort her to the store to get the shoe, saying she wanted to get the right one. 

I thought to myself “but Valentine gift is meant to be a surprise na.” I continued “I already know it’s Puma, so no harm.” Before going to the store, I took her to a flower shop and got her a sweet-scented rose with my last money. She “awwned” and thanked me. 

valentine
She “awwned” and thanked me

We got to the Puma store and I picked the best colour for MYSELF. She looked underneath the shoe and returned it. “But this one is good, I really like the colour,” I said to her.

Read: It’s A Month Of Love So Here’s What We’re Doing…

She looked at me and answered “Ehn ehn”… She picked the shoe back, went to the store attendant and requested for size 41. Immediately, I told her “but, I said I wear size 44 oh.” She looked at me with surprise written all over her face and said: “No oh, the shoe is not for you o, it’s for my boyfriend, I just needed you to help with the gift so it’d be perfect.”

valentine experience
The moment I heard “Its not for you o”

I felt the world falling on my chest as I heard those words. For the next 3 weeks that followed, I suffered severely from both chest pain and malaria.

PS. I had a well-treated mosquito net.

Now that you are here, what will you do if you were in his shoes? Join the thread! share your most memorable valentine experience in the comment section.
2 min read

Life is unpredictable. That is what makes it interesting. If all were certain, there would be less anxiety, but we would be bored.

We never know when the last time is going to be. It’s like a man eating cookies from a jar, and is unaware of how many pieces are inside. Every time he takes one delicious chocolate cookie, he has no assurance that there’ll be another when he reaches out again.

Very often, I see posts on social media elucidating the need for people to show love to others because…you never know. The realization is starker when a loved one or popular person dies unexpectedly. We had no idea that the last time we saw them would be the last time. 

Read: Death Of Loved Ones, Prior Gestures

We often wonder what we could have done differently. Some, filled with regret will say things like “He never knew how much I loved him”, “I was bearing a grudge when she died”, “Wish I had hugged him a little closer”.

But the feeling does not last forever. As the days pass by, the feeling of solemnity cast upon us by the sad events wear off and we are back to our old ways. We continue to miss calls, take people for granted, keep malice, forget to reach out and leave the electrifying words we ought to say to our loved ones buried in our chest. 

Like the man eating cookies, we do not savor every bite. Somehow, it feels like there would be another when we reach out. But…There will surely be a last time.

Read: Is Death An Open Sesame?
last time
If we knew it was going to be the last time, would we put our phones away?

We must cease making solemnity a feeling that lasts just a few days after a sad event. No. We must live hard. Not recklessly. Not without caution. But with courage. So when the end comes, we will face it without fear and regret knowing that though we did not do everything, we did some things. And that is enough.

What would you do differently if you knew the last time was going to be the last time?

2 min read

If Juju (charm) is real and what people claim they are  Nigeria will be exporting to the rest of the world and making billions of dollars from the following juju products:

  • Òlùgbòhùn (Voice jammer)
  • Òyèètà (unseen bullet deflector/bulletproof juju)
  • Òkìgbè (anti-bullet/shrapnel)
  • Àta mòtàsè (precision munition that can hit targets kilometres away)
  • Ìfùnpà (Treated armband that can protect you from knife cuts) 
  • Ìgbàdi (treated waistband that can make you disappear when under attack)
  • Àfòsè (robotic command signals that will make your enemies do whatever you tell them to do) 
  • Àgàdàgòdò (spiritual padlock, that will immobilize your enemies)
  • Ègbè (teletransporter that will make you teleport when under attack)
  • Àyàjò
  • Kànàkò (spiritual Google maps) 
  • Òfà (Treated poisoned arrow)
  • Àtà ( spiritual hand grenade that can be thrown at enemy camps)
  • Ìbòn Sàkàbùlà ( locally sourced Rifle with accuracy that can hit your enemies that are kilometres away)

Juju

It’s 2020, unfortunately, some self-acclaimed educated people still believe in this bullshit called “juju”. If these things are real and not a hoax we will use them to destroy Boko Haram.  Herdsmen will not be disturbing people in the South West and other parts of the country. We would have used it to tackle and solve our security problems. 

Read: Native Doctors Who Use Juju To Defraud Victims Nabbed.

Juju is useless and fictional. They don’t work in reality.  If they actually work, why couldn’t our ancestors make do to protect themselves from the European/Arab invaders that came and enslaved and colonized them? Think about it.

Juju
If it really works, why do they get caught?

Juju is a HOAX. It’s all superstitious bullshit. Even in cases that try to prove its workability, it didn’t last, there’s always a loophole. For instance, all these people caught by the police and paraded on TV with their so-called juju.

One of the most hilarious cases for me was a native doctor who stormed a church in Ghana to get his charms back.

If it really works, why do they get caught? Why are they paraded with their charms? If there is truly a deity in it, wouldn’t it protect its users? Maybe like miracles, they only work when you believe. I don’t believe in it.

2 min read

Why do you seek change in a person? Is it because their lifestyle doesn’t reflect your personality? Or because it is actually bad for them to be that way? 

Recently, I was chatting with a colleague about something a new employee did and after narrating the ordeal, all he could say was; “there’s still time, you can still change her”. I laughed at him cause I’ve seen enough to understand that the idea of changing someone is like trying to mop the ocean. As much as change is deliberate and conscious, it’s personal too. 

Change
Why do you want them to change?
Read: The Mask Of Civility 

My colleague believes that he can change anybody. I’ve watched him try a couple of times and from my observations, he is more about his own ego to boast that he changed a person.

The truth is many of us are like him: obsessed with control and filled with the desire to fit people into a particular “ideal mould” not knowing that we can’t all be and act the same.

Change
Do people change?

We crave basking in the euphoria that comes with narrating the tale of how we changed an individual.

“ooo could you believe my boyfriend quit smoking because of me”

“If I wasn’t in her life, I wonder where she would be…I made her change”

You had to be featured in the story I guess.

I understand you highlighted pointers on why they should change that bad habit. You probably even had to aggressive to secure the change in them, I understand. 

Read: How To Get Better With Phone Calls

But do you really think they changed for you? Or they changed because they wanted to? What if they only feign a change in behaviour only when you are around? Have you ever considered these…

Change
It wasn’t because of you…

That quest to change someone to be what we want them to be is not only selfish but also vain. People should be allowed to bloom at their own pace. The least we can do is to inspire and walk with them if we can not try to alter their journey with our projections.

If they changed…If they ever will change…trust me, it wasn’t because of you. It was just about time.