Ad
Author

muttering minds

Browsing
8 min read

After one of the members on Naked Minds called my attention for using real-names instead of nicknames of fellow subscribers in reposting responses to stories, I made up my mind that I was going to apologize properly by letting you all in on my many nicknames; some of which are lost in space, I hope never to find the need of them again😐.

Nicknames are cool, at least for me. Lowkey, I suffer from a fevered admiration for people who get called by their nicknames so often that even their close friends forget what their real names sound like. Do you have people like this around you? Well, I got one, his nikky is ‘Effect’…my nigga’s so hardworking his peers and superiors felt an uncommon urge to christen him again😄. His real name and his abilities are like oil and water, gargle at your own risk, they both won’t gel. Wondering what it is? Well, I don’t know either🙈…met him as Effect, and Effect he shall continue to be…what I don’t know can’t hurt me🤡.

nickname

IF YOU LAUGH…I SHOOT!

Well, getting a unique and popular nickname was a goal for me in secondary school. It felt tech to own one, I wanted to belong by all means. And even if I said no to the mantle, these slum/parting books staged themselves at playful corners waiting to embarrass me🤕. How do I tell the owner of a Slum book that I got no nickname to fill? and even if I left it vacant without her knowledge, eventually, in the long future when she revisits it, she’s hit suddenly by the trauma of how weird I was in high school. Not me! I didn’t want anyone to have such memories about me😂😂.

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

So I ferried on a nickname quest🚣‍♀️. I began asking friends what they felt will soothe me for a nickname, specifically one they can call me any time even in public. I remember brainstorming with Ayomide, my bunkmate, and some others. As expected, they coined appellations from my English name ‘Doris’. Sure you can already predict the kind of nicknames they came up with. ‘Dodo’, ‘Dori Baby’, even the spelling backward jinx ‘Sirod’. Yuck! 🤮

nickname

I wasn’t having it. They all felt cliche. “Common now, I’m bigger than all this jargon🙄”, I often said this within me anytime they suggested some dementia allusive nikky. Do you ever know what you want sometimes but then shy to say it, instead you look for someone to help push you to your death so that at the end of the day, you can have a name to blame when things fall apart?😹 This was the game I was playing but how disappointing, no one thought in my direction😫. 

Click Here To Follow Us On Twitter

“How about something sexy and mischievous?”, I suggested in a low tone. Trust the girls on this one 🤣🤣🤣, names started flying up and down. Guess the name I settled for 😭😭…‘SEXY BREEZE’ !!! oh, my days!!! Looking back now, I feel so embarrassed. Were my bunch of friends so stupid or I was the stupid one for agreeing to be coined a nickname for a tomfool?🤒 I definitely was so stupid! You need to see the way I blushed whenever someone called me ‘Sexy Breeze’. It felt so dope mehn😂😂!. But unfortunately, the name didn’t bring as much popularity as expected so I ferried on another quest🚣‍♀️.

nickname

Thanks to my very stupid friends again, I was caught between choosing  ‘MYSTIQUE’ or ‘SEDUCTIVE MYSTIQUE’. Being an Oliver twist, I decided to do both. Depends on what mood I was in whenever someone handed me their slum book to fill. If I felt like a ‘Mystique’, then Mystique it is; if I felt spicy at the time, then ‘Seductive’ came before the ‘M’😹. 

I still didn’t make the hall of fame with any of them. The only person who made me feel really welcomed with the name was one of my friends Tope, who had her  feet swept off in admiration that she had to nikky herself  ‘SEDUCTIVE SEDUCTRESS’ How insane?!😂😂 I remember hailing her to her face and screaming “bloody copy cat” in my mind😫. Asides from my unreserved hate for copycats, I deserved to be the only ‘seduction’ in school dammit! 😐

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

Reflecting on how stupid the nicknames were, I should have left her to bear all of them. To date, Ayomide still taunts me with these nicknames. So if I become president tomorrow, this is how she’ll reveal one of my many foolish decisions in life right😫! Wicked girl!🤕 Not like hers was any better, who the f*** bears ‘Ayomzy Delight’?  Only hoodlums😂😂

names nickname
Source Cliparts

STILL FOOLISH?

Joining Facebook after secondary school and seeing the way people spelled their usernames started to tickle my fancy. For example, someone who bears ‘Ayomide’ refines the spelling to ‘Haryohmide’. Mehn that shit looked so dope to me and if I don’t belong, who will🙈? But it was so heartbreaking, all my many remixes didn’t sound nice and I wasn’t with my foolish friends anymore to help me figure it out. Looking back now, I bless God o, otherwise they would have given me a remix best for simpletons😂😂. However, I got one, all thanks to my ex.

Click Here To Follow Us On Instagram

 What I was searching for was right beside me but I couldn’t see it… One day I decided to check my baby boy’s phone to see what he used in saving my number and boom! I saw ‘DHAUREYZ’… this was his remix for ‘DORIS’. It felt so cool, I adopted it without blinking, and to date, I use it for virtually everything; pseudonyms, emails, social media, etc. I know you are trying so hard to pronounce it 🤣🤣🤣… take it easy on yourself, a lot have bitten their tongues on that quest.

names nickname

DREAMS ACTUALLY DO COME THROUGH…

And the last one…. Hopefully not the least🎯…My long lost dream of having a nickname that replaces my own name finally came to pass in the university. Hurrayyyyy!!!💃💃 Blow the trumpets!!!🥳🥳  Oh, my days! Even though I blacklisted the hostel because of my experience with infection, I must admit my time spent there was exhilarating.  

Donate For Muttering Minds

I like to believe I was a hot cake, I mean hot inside the brain o and maybe a portion of hot outside🤡. Then I used to be more involved in poetry, brewing, and writing everywhere in the school (for those who cared to read anyway😁). And then I got big news that I was nominated for the Nigerian Writers Award, for Poetry Writer of the year category. I was more shocked than excited when I saw the news online (this is a story for another Naked Minds gist😆). That type of shock where you recheck for the umpteenth time to see if it’s really your name and if it is, you’re still in shock because you think the news is for someone else who bears your exact names. That’s how I felt.

names nickname
Source- ArtStation

I broke the news to one of my close friends Victoria and before I knew it, she started hailing and shouting ‘UJU MALOO’… what is ‘MALOO’??? I had no idea but it sounded cool, although with a blend of ‘razness’, I loved it. That was how the name flew🚀. I stayed in the hostel for two years and throughout the time, I was either called ‘Maloo’ or ‘Uju Maloo’. Maloo is a Yoruba word and depending on the caller’s tone, it could mean ‘Go’ or ‘Come’. But to Victoria, she meant ‘Go’, more like “keep on moving and winning Uju”. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

To cut the story short, ‘Maloo’ faded as soon as I left the hostel😓. But of course, I still saw some of the hostel mates who would always shout it out whenever they saw me on the walkway or somewhere in the school😄. It always felt like home. Even now, whenever I hear someone speaking Yoruba and says ‘Maloo’, it has a way of putting a genuine smile on my face😁.

names nickname
Source- Deviant Art

THE ESSENCE

Although added a little spice to this article on publishing here, it’s actually a Naked Minds exclusive. You better join cause I won’t be betraying my coven anytime soon again😫. 

Asides that this is an intended fun post to get us to unwind and sign out gradually from this puzzle-twisting year, I wanted to poke the essence of names🌚. Names are either  powerful or impotent. Some are sweet, some are salty to the ears. Some sound so sweet yet  a profitless meaning💩…some are an ear sore, but got beautiful meaning. You hear some names and you’re like “Huh? You mean your parents actually gave you this name😳”…that embarrassing! I wouldn’t want to mention names lol.

name nickname
Source- Medium

Most part of me wanting a nickname by force was because I didn’t see my two names as good enough and soothing for my personality. Have you ever pondered on your name(s) and asked yourself “why me”? Why did my parents choose to call me this? Well, I did for ‘Doris’, still stuck on trying to love the name🙁. I couldn’t fall in love with it because of the many unappealing tones people prefer to pronounce it😤. I wish I could insert an audio sample🤧. But I’ve always loved Obianuju (since I got mature though), and even invested more love for it after my parents told me I was named ‘Obianuju’ because shortly after my birth they both bagged a huge salary increase at work. Obianuju means ‘Born into wealth’ …but the meaning of Doris always fluctuates between the ‘bad and good’ whenever I look it up😏. There’s never been a unified meaning, I think whoever invented the name was six feet buried in confusion at the time😬.

Read: Parents Are The Best Pretenders

Have you ever reflected on your names before?🤔 Heard some of you got like seven and counting🤠, unlike me, I wasn’t fortunate enough to be named by all the prominent members of my extended family🤣🤣. I’ll love to know your names and what you feel about them. Would you say they resonate with your personality or your parents deserve 600 years for such cruelty? 😂😂

Nickname name
Source- The New Yoker

Hmmmmm about my many nicknames 🤐… what’s yours and how did you come by it? I like to believe the way some of these nikky’s sound is the reason we choose them, not necessarily what they mean🤭. Did you at some point want a nickname so bad like I did? Do you have a past regrettable nickname🤣🤣? And you see that name, yes! That very one you use on IG and Twitter… How did you arrive there?  ‘Sexy posh’, ‘Dragon’, ‘Barbie doll’, ‘Cupcake’, “Renegade’ …Is that you? 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Donate For Muttering Minds

Warning!!! Do not try to taunt me with my first three nicknames, otherwise I go comot ya teeth just now😂😂. I’m curious to hear yours, I will try not to laugh. Common… Let me in😌, leave me a comment 😂😂👇👇

P.s. I want to propose that parents should leave about one or two name slots open until a child is grown so we can name ourselves according to our personalities. Dear future kids, I got you😆!

 

 

Do not forget to like, rate, and share this article!😁

 

 

9 min read

“oooh Maloo open your legs now…don’t let me injure you with this thing now, cooperate so it can go in😖”…Jules said, in a frustrated tone and tensed stare, I could tell she’s had enough of me. “Shhh, ishhh😣…ah! ah! Jules, it’s paining me😩…is there no other way😢?” I responded while I lay down, fighting my thighs from closing up on her fingers. God knows, I needed them to open up but my thighs played like the morning glory flower, it was a struggle getting them to stay open at night whenever Jules called. She thought I didn’t want to give in, but I couldn’t explain why we had to struggle our way through my vagina every night. Pathetic😞!

This was our routine for more than a week, most nights I’ll cry and hope she forgets to call me up for it but no, Jules never forgot. She enjoyed taking care of me and will do anything to see I’m well and running. For me, the routine felt like exhausting my nine lives, getting them restored again only to die again the next night. Gosh😵! When will this be over😩😩?!

 vaginismus causes
Source- Blogger

 

BEFORE THEN…

“Babe carry disinfectant pour inside hot water, siddon on top for like 10 minutes, all these itchings go stop in no time💁‍♀️”… oh Nelly, my roommate in sophomore year with all the ugly and good advice. Funny how her voice still replays very fresh in my head. I had been rigorously itching my vagina for days and needed a quick solution🥴. Nelly was always a go-to, but this time around, her solution wasn’t lasting. Despite her recommended disinfectant ritual (vagina steaming), the itching got even more intense that one time, I was tempted to use the cover of my pen to brush the lips of my vagina, hoping it will get better once and for all but no😭.

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

After the unfruitful merry go round, I decided to pitch a tent in the hospital. “Doris *****! Doris *****!”… “Present Ma🗣!”, I responded hesitantly while raising my voice. If you’ve ever visited a hospital in Nigeria, especially the ‘general’ ones, you already have an idea of how the nurses scream names like uncultured vultures🙄.  “It’s time for your swab, walk through the corridor and enter the last room by the left”. While I journeyed through the corridor, the word ‘swab remained restless in my head. I kept wondering what manner of murder I signed up for. Ah! Swab?🤔 Or did she say swap😧? I got to the room and met four female nurses, one instructed me to take off my pants and lay on the bed. “Your pants ke?! Why😱?”… my mind was bombarding me with questions I had no answers to😤.

my vagina
source- Metro

I couldn’t find my calm🥶, I laid down on the bed with my pants off and the nurse approached me with an equipment that had a cotton bud-like tip. Apparently, that’s the swab. Immediately my facial expression got sourer🤢. “Errm errm, what do you want to do🥺?” I managed to confront the nurse with a jittery tone. “I don’t have time for questions, open your legs wide please😐”(of course rudeness is the only surgery general hospital nurses perform 100 percent successfully🙄)…Ah! immediately I jumped off the bed and started weeping. If a 6th party had come into the room, he/she would have thought I was about to be sacrificed for rituals. “No! No! I am not opening my legs, I want to go home, I am not doing again😫😫”, I fell in a pool of my tears while staggering to wear my pants and Jean. Afterward, I picked my bag and stood by the door, staring at the nurses. It was like the scenario of a child warned by the mother not to go outside but he feels crying will make the mother let him so he weeps till infinity hoping to hear “Okay…go…”

Donate For Muttering Minds

The nurses were confused. What sin could they have committed to warrant God blessing them with an adult who couldn’t take a simple seven-word instruction; “Lay down and open your legs wide”🤔.

“What’s wrong?” one of the nurses was kind enough to ask. “Please don’t put anything inside my vagina😫😫”…I yelled amid my crying profusely.

my vagina

SOURCE OF MY FEAR

Zero thanks to Nollywood🙄🤡, a girl has sex for the first time or is raped in a movie and the amount of blood that trickles down her laps and soaks the behind of her dress is the amount of a mini- ocean🥴😵. And then the wails, no consolation prize could stop it😪😪. These movies messed with my childhood/teenage life, I hated sexual talk and could never have a successful fantasy of anything going close to my vagina; not even my fingers😤.

Click Here To Follow Us On Twitter

And here I am, with four strange nurses, they better kill me because I’m not opening these legs. “Are you a virgin?”, one of them asked, I responded in the affirmative. “How come you have an infection?”. Well, I wouldn’t know🙄, not like I’ve been living a little in the ‘just the tip’ paradise with some boy anyway🙄. At that time, the hostel was a mess and my room was two rooms apart from the hostel toilet, poop flooded the corridor and there was no Noah’s ark to run to for refuge🤮. Dammit! the cleaners were on strike😩. Despite covering my nose whilst passing through the corridor, my pants were no bulletproof to save my vagina from receiving a bad gift😖. This was the only logical explanation I could link to me being infected. In the hostel, it was fondly referred to as toilet infection but the ‘too knows’🙄 said it was a Sexually Transmitted Infection. Who am I to argue🤷‍♀️?

Can You Get an STD from a Toilet Seat?
Source: Flo

Since I was afraid, the nurse told me to help myself but I couldn’t😔. I was so scared to touch my own body, what if I put it and blood starts gushing out and they can’t help🥴? I had a weird mental picture of things going south. Then she assured me they weren’t putting the whole swab inside, just the tip to get some fluid to run a test. With my heart in my mouth, I gave in😴.

AFTER THEN…

When the result came out, it was no news I had an infection, the only news which was in fact bad for me was that I was given vagina pills to insert daily inside my vagina🤯. Fucking hell!🤯 You and who😳?! I am a preacher of ‘complete your dose so the illness doesn’t come back’, but this was beyond me. I was going to discard the pills.

Click Here To Follow Us On Instagram

On my way to my hostel, I called an older male friend who knew the whole ordeal. “Michael! I am dead😩! They gave me something to be putting inside, I can’t😩😫” I cried so much over the phone that people on the bus thought I must have lost someone. I wondered why I had to go through such, oh lord, have my sins overflown the cup you had to plague me with this😫? it appeared like a very severe illness to me, as a matter of fact, I had never heard of it until then. I went to Micheal’s hostel and that was when he called on Jules his bestie. I had met Jules on some occasion before then because we attended the same fellowship, unluckily for me, she was willing to help me😞. So sad, I needed someone at that time to support my motion of throwing the entire pills but no, elder Jules and Michael betrayed me☹. I packed my bags from the hostel and went to join Jules off-campus. It was an enjoyable time, asides from the first five nights where I had to open my thighs against their will so that Doctor Jules can insert the pills😖.

Vagina pills
Sample of vagina Pills (Source- Flo)

CARRYING MY CROSS WITHOUT SIMON OF CYRENE TO HELP

Finally, I became free from all the itching, it was time for holiday and I was home🤓. But guess who decided to not go on holiday? The Devil😢! About two weeks into the holidays, he plagued me with itching five times more than the last😩😩. Who do I run to😭? What if my mum thinks I’ve been having sex in school😭😭? Where the hell is JULESSS😵!! So many questions but the same answer. “Try Nelly’s advice again, maybe it could work this time”. Well, I did, but it failed🙄.

Donate For Muttering Minds

I had to tell my mum in a strange way. “Ah toilet infection🤯!” she exclaimed. I took a deep relief breath🥵, thank God, she didn’t call it STI😊. She agreed to go to the pharmacy for me. The head pharmacist spoke to me over the phone and said since the infection came back despite completing my dose, it means I didn’t treat my sexual partner. What rubbish🙄?! What’s with everyone thinking everyone has sex🙄?! “Ah no oooo😱! Which sexual partner😳?!” I made sure to scream. She gave a boring laugh and said okay, then it’s cause I didn’t change my undies. Why on earth was this not the first thing she said for Christ’s sake😐! To think my mum heard all that crap.

Is It Normal For my Vagina to Burn - Causes of Vaginal Burning
Source- Cosmopolitan

My mum got home, bearing a bad gift. Vagina pills again😞! Oh, dear Jesus save me😩! She handed me the pills and prescriptions. How casual it is to say, does this woman even understand that I can’t do this myself😫?

AN AMAZING DISCOVERY

To God be my glory, after lying to her that I was almost done with the pills yet suffering a grave itch on the side, I finally came up with a solution🤓. I remembered I had a large part of a broken mirror in my room. I reached for it, put it on the floor, and squatted. The mirror was in-between, while my legs were wide apart🤭.

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

For the first time in my twenty-one years of living this earth, I saw a vagina😱, my vagina🤯! And what she looked like. “Ewwwwww🤮”, I cringed and started crying because I didn’t know what to do next😫. I felt like a failure. Where do I insert these pills🥺? God! So I reasoned to let out a few drops of pee on the mirror, wherever the pee comes out from should be my answer.  To my surprise, the pee hole(urethral opening)  was as good as a full stop😳. I never knew, I thought we peed through the vagina you know. As the angels would have it, I saw another slimy opening that looked more rational than a full stop🤓. 

What Does A Vagina Taste Like? Guys Reveal What They Think It Tastes Like Down There
Source- Elite Daily

“Eisshh eiii🤢, uhmmmm😖”…  so much discomfort, inserting the pills myself in the vagina opening. I did that for five days not without the help of the mirror though. Whew!

SEX EDUCATION AT HOME?

I have been binge-watching MTV Shuga…I know right😏, I’m late to the party😌. But it doesn’t overlook the fact that the series is very educational; one of the scenes made me recall this version of my past and also the sexual awareness preached by the parent actors to their children💯. 

Donate For Muttering Minds

Despite having to insert the pills myself, it didn’t make the sexual phobia (genophobia) go away😞. For a long time, I found myself cringing at the mention of sex or penetration🤢; those Nollywood rape scenes rented an apartment in my head for donkey years. I could never think of sex as pleasurable but too much blood and pain🤢. I couldn’t talk to anyone at home either. Kid you not, to date, the only time I and my mum were any close to talking about sex was when the pharmacists mentioned ‘sexual partner’. I somehow hoped that when she gets home, she will revisit the topic but apparently, she’s been practicing a ‘Fem’ ritual a long time ago even before Davido dreamt of preaching the message😊. Till today, some type of sex talks still feels discomforting but thank gracious Google’s always my first aid🤓.

Parents and sex education (vagina)
Source- Yahoo News Canada

I’ll like to know, do you or have you ever discussed sex with your parents or anyone in your family🤔? If yes or No, how does it feel😄? Do you wish any different😔? Also, like me, has there been a time where you found an amazing discovery concerning your body like I did with my vagina😄? If you’ve ever had a toilet infection or STI, how did you manage the phase🥺? And most importantly, did you ever pass through sexual phobia😖? Or you currently are🤢? What triggered it and how were (are) you able to deal with it? Let’s discuss this further in the comment section👇👇.

 

 

Do not forget to like, rate, and share this article!😁

7 min read

Maybe I missed a step at becoming a lesbian…just maybe.  Attending an all-girls school was fun but looking back now, it could have turned out to be what I love to call ‘A temporary situation deciding the fate of one’s entire existence’.

We were only girls, girls who apart from learning together carved our social and emotional sphere around each other. What do you think happens to a child who to some extent is exposed to some romantics on TV and doesn’t find themselves around the opposite sex to at least look piercingly into their eyes? Social and emotional unjust!

lesbian
We were only girls, girls who apart from… (source YouTube)

No! I didn’t kiss or shift a girl’s panties but like I said I missed a step. Living without boys but knowing they existed was social torture which was why some of us were curiously impatient to wait until we were out of the ‘elementary prison’ (boarding house). Some were bold enough to try it out with the same sex, some like me underwent a recurrent emotional torment in the heat of some occurrences.

Read: Sexuality Conflict; “I am a 25-year-old guy and I Love Boys but”…

On some occasions, the vile demon living in my mind calls my bluff with an inciting tone saying “Kiss her! Kiss her! I know you want it. I see the way you feel for her, she feels the same too. Give it a shot.” and then the other, the benevolent angel breathing in my mind debates the offer by berating me… “You know what happens to lesbians here… INDEFINITE SUSPENSION! And the stigma, you better not try it”. Despite that the blood running through my veins dashed their feet sometimes on a bump, yet my angel always preserved the better part of me; ensuring I was well behaved throughout the time.

lesbian LGBTQ
I was well behaved throughout the time. (Source-Medical News Today)

 We improvised the absence of boys in many ways but acted like we didn’t know it was what we were doing (maybe we didn’t). Every girl was protective of their own best friend like it was some sort of a severe boy-girl relationship. If any girl as much as sniffed an inch closer to another girl’s close friend, the whole school gave her the bad title, ‘snatcher’. Some had dirty dealings under the duvets but weren’t caught though (not me🙃), unfortunately, smartness is not a parcel given to every man, there was ‘a caught’ for some who were immediately spooned out of school with an indefinite suspension.

Read: My First Sex Experience; Take Back Home

We had ‘fixes’, a concept of match-making. A senior girl student is fixed with a doppelganger junior girl student, usually, a class below to become friends and care for each other like sisters. It was a thing. If no one looked like you then sorry! you won’t be merged. I had my fair share of the cut but she was meek and very uninteresting sadly, so it felt like butterflies had no business in my corner. But some others enjoyed the fun and yeah a special kind of affection brewed.

black lesbian women
Source- Tumblr

Lest I forget, the pen pals. A middle man (student) links you up with someone else and you both exchange notes of love and care and after a solid relationship is formed, you decide to finally meet each other and continue being friends. More like a blind date but pens replaced phones.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Caught in all these, I felt something for every one of these girls who at some point crossed my routine. There was more to the platonic appeal than meets the eyes.  There were times where I felt tempted to want to touch them in severe ways or maybe steal a kiss. I was so sure they wouldn’t resist, especially my pen pal, who drove my urges more than the rest of the girls. Most nights we will lie together on the mini foam facing eye to eye, inhaling each other’s carbon dioxide while having a conversation. To me it wasn’t just a mere conversation, I felt something different but like a dog on a leash, I could only charge beyond its leash length (the fear of suspension kept me in check🥶). I bet she felt the same way too and like me, she was not bold enough to take the risk, and even if we were on the same wavelength, what if we get caught?

lesbians
I bet she felt the same way too and like me, she was not bold enough to take the risk…(source-LiveAbout)

 Other provoking urges showed itself from time to time. In the holding of hands and walking together from prep, in the reconciliation with a fellow girl who we stopped speaking to for months…the comebacks always felt like it needed makeup sex to solidify it.  I always found myself so clingy and so glad that we are back. 

Read: Why I Hate Mutual Friends (Connections)

I still have a vivid memory of bathing together with a friend in the bathroom in Jss1 and we had a funny play of sizing our little breasts with our hands. We wanted to know who got it bigger so we did a subtle squeeze on each other’s boobs and laughed while at it. We acted ignorant like it meant nothing but deep down I felt something sensual, sure she felt it too judging from the look in her eyes. We never spoke of it afterward though🥴.

lesbianism
Source- The Guardian

 What were we to do anyway? We knew what urges were but there were no boys to experiment with, we had only us. I remember reading one of the comments on an old post here, “Homosexuality Is Not a Crime”, where the commenter opined that homosexual behavior asides from genetics being a leading cause is also caused by random environmental factors. I agree totally, our environment plays a huge role in deciding our sexuality. My college experience formed a bedrock for lesbianism, I could have fallen. Some girls fell prey to their urges and to date have remained lesbians (maybe bisexuals). It was all they could make from the environment. What if it was legal and there was nothing at stake like indefinite suspension or stigma from peers? Maybe I would have fallen too.

Click Here To Follow Us On Twitter

 No disrespect to the LGBTQ community but I’m glad I didn’t succumb to my urges. I love the way I feel around men especially that special someone even though sometimes he freaks out and screams at my face “YOU MOTHERFUCKING LESBIAN!!”  And what did I do to warrant that? I only squeezed his butt and sometimes tapped his ass while we were making out. He hates it, but I keep doing it lol. Why do men freak out when you touch their butt though😝?

LGBTQ lesbian
No disrespect to the LGBTQ community (source-The Conversation)

 Did I like my boarding school experience? YES! Asides from the urges. Will my kids attend a boarding school? NO! WHETHER MIXED OR SINGLE! This is because I do not want to be a contributing party to something or a situation that has the tendency to alter their lives in a way that could be bad or good. You can never know what the outcome will be so it is best to avoid gambling. I NEED MY KIDS CLOSE.

This Story Was Originally Posted on Naked Minds, Click here to Join

Don’t get me wrong, boarding schools are great but I think a lot of parents undermine its purpose. The majority of parents send their children to boarding schools to redeem them of their moral loss or to help manage time. If you are bad at parenting, fix it within your home, do not burden a boarding school with your primary responsibilities. Only parents who are sure of their kids and have achieved a decent level of training and communication should send their kids to boarding school (even if I am, I still won’t lol😊). Otherwise, you might end up crying over spilled milk.

sexuality confusion

Donate For Muttering Minds

Were you ever at crossroads in deciding your sexuality? Has your sexuality been tested before? Maybe in a similar or entirely different situation from mine? Also, what are your views about boarding schools? Let’s talk! This should be enlightening, Kindly leave your comments below.😃👇👇

 

 

P.s. My comment plugin has developed a fault that is currently being worked on. The implication is that the only notification you will get in your mail is an approval note of your comments unlike the usual where you get a notification for my responses to your comment also. Regardless once you receive an approval email, be rest assured I have equally replied to your comment. So you can get back here to keep the conversation flow. Thank you

 

9 min read

Today clocks one year of paranoia, seasonal depression, and frustration, cooperate and aggressive begging, low figure phobia, eluding story thirst, maintaining genuine and sour friendships (dependency syndrome), JOY and THANKS; all caught up in the birthing of the exceptional and interesting contents that make up this community; Muttering Minds🤗.

Hurrayyyyy!!!! 💃💃💃join me in cracking a smile at this point😅, Muttering Minds is a year today, and never have I been more drawn to a date like today. I am not big on birthdays but I feel strongly to eulogize this one because the process has touched (still does) so many facets of my life and invoked characters I never knew I was capable of hosting🤭. Kindly grab your popcorn as I’ll be entertaining you with the many highs and lows I’ve encountered for the past one year running Muttering Minds😃. Well, let’s pretend we got popcorn lol😜.Muttering Minds is ONE

THE BIRTHING🧘‍♀️

I am a free thinker and an imaginary traveler who is less concerned about what you ate last night or what news is getting the media berserk (except its mysterious🧟‍♀️) but instead, I am seduced by the things we are taught not to question especially spiritually👣. I love to know the unsaid stuff in people’s mind; I love to know what they do when no eye is preying, why they behave in a certain way, how they are feeling no matter how gory. And for every day that I’ve lived on this earth, my curiosity rather than killing my inner cat gives it more lives than nine. I knew I wasn’t the only one who thought in my direction, so one day I said to myself, “Why not create a channel of like minds”… and ding! ding! Muttering Minds was created; not out of dust, but from my uncanny psyche and desire💨.

Muttering Minds is One
Muttering Minds Official Logo

COOPERATE AND AGGRESSIVE BEGGING😒👺

How do you channel a good idea successfully to people who are unsure about their interest yet their collective efforts can go a long way in hitting the bullseye for you😖?  I had to master the fine art of ‘begging’, be it cooperate or aggressive; depending on whose mercy I’m at😰🥵.

Donate For Muttering Minds

There’s a thin line between blogging and begging. While it’s excusable for beggars not to know how to blog, it’s an eyesore for bloggers not to be equipped with begging skills (take this seriously even though you are not a blogger😊). I am a proud individual…oops sorry, I take that back🤐. I used to be too proud until Muttering Minds came. The truth is, people will act like they are not seeing you until you come to them directly. “Oooh please😟😟 go and read my story nowwww🤯”…” ah have you read my story today🥶?”…”ooooohhh do it now now please, make sure you leave a comment🤢.” I cannot emphasize how much I have to reiterate these words daily to different individuals and like the Parable of the Sower in the bible, my pleas could fall on rocky ears💀, ears decorated with thorns😈, or a good ear😇.

Dog begging
There’s a thin line between blogging and begging.

 

GENUINE AND SOUR FRIENDSHIP (DEPENDENCY SYNDROME😣)

No matter how crooked they are, I quickly realized everyone around me has a role to play in pushing the envelope🤝, that’s why It’s become hard for me to spit some friendship out🤧. I need friends, good or sour, because the truth is, the good ones will not always be there to support my cause, and the sour ones are very good fall back plans🤗. If you are a creative or an entrepreneur, you can attest to the fact that friends are always the first fans. Taking my baby steps with Muttering Minds, I needed friends to always comment and share (still do🤪), I would practically disturb their peace through BC’s and direct messages and sometimes phone calls to be sure they read and comment😪.

Read: Friendship is a Ruse

“See Doris, I won’t always be there to like or comment, just keep pushing, you don’t have to depend on me always🤨”. I won’t lie, I felt so pained and hurt the day Taiwo one of my closest said this to me. I thought she’ll always have my back but then it is what it is😒. I understood her enough and there a question dawned on me; “Do my friends like Muttering Minds or they just follow for my sake🤔?” I am still unsure about the answer but I want to believe I have given them something worthy of their support😎.

Friendship

So far, my friends have been good to me even more than I have been to them💆‍♀️. Tempted to do some name-callings but I’ll pass for the fear of forgetting some👩‍🦯👩‍🦯. And the sour friendships too, some have even metamorphosed into genuine ones.

Dear Friends and Sour, I am still suffering from dependency syndrome, but I hope you all can bear with me some more until I can walk without staggering (I’ll still need you always😉). I love you all💖💖. But wait a sec! Do you love Muttering Minds or you’re just pretending?🤒

 

PARANOIA/ SEASONAL DEPRESSION AND FRUSTRATION😔🤯

I’ll be a liar if I tell you I sleep well on most nights. I’m not one of those blessed with the ability to sleep immediately and not wake at a little sound. I work late nights and the little hours are usually interrupted by a disturbing thought about Muttering Minds🥴 especially on the eve of posting a story. “Will they like it🥶?” “Will anyone find it offensive🤧?” “Will they learn😨?” “Will they laugh😣?”… most imperatively, “Will they be moved enough to give their likes and comment offerings😢?” I get so nervous and sabotage my worth even further.

paranoia
Source- The creative Cafe

As soon as I click ‘Publish’, my heartbeat starts moving faster than two competitors in a car race😤. Sometimes the turn out picks up really fast, other times it feels like I’m nursing the Adam’s curse where I have to sweat until I see results🥵🥵. “ooooh only one person has commented on my story😱!!! Gosh! Is it that bad😭😭? You told me it was interesting! You lied🙄?”…here’s me hassling my better half Aji and my friend Bubu who both often painstakingly read my stories before I publish. “Stop tripping! Only one comment yet!😑” That’s what Aji would say while Bubu laughs at me without reservation🤨 and afterward tells me to calm down. Sometimes their reactions make me feel better, other times more depressed until the results show up.

depression

After I’ve managed to achieve a smooth sail with everyone commending the content, the server starts to act up. “Ah Uju, your site is showing “Error in Database Connection o”…there I go, frustration 101. “Isaaaaaaccccc🤯🤯🤯… please check the site, it’s not opening🥺”. I swear my web guy would have sold me if he found a good buyer, I am a pain in his ass but it’s not my fault. And one awkward thing that usually happens is when he checks it, it opens immediately. What Witchcraft😐! Shout out to Isaac🤩, for tolerating my excesses, and the job well done always, you should hire him too.

THE STORIES; ELUDING STORY THIRST; LOW FIGURE PHOBIA😱

I get my story ideas mainly from conversing with people, not necessarily a good conversation. A good story needs a good title and visual to see it through. Sourcing pictures can be hard work, sometimes you search everywhere on Google still the picture you have in your head is nowhere close🧐. And the headlines too, I hate when it’s basic or predictable, I will rather not post the story if my head keeps coming up with gibberish titles. It sucks🤮!

What Phobia Is the Fear of Numbers?
Source- Verywell Mind

I fear low figures😤, I remember when I started, I had a disturbing obsession for traffic that I would post three stories daily. Like😂!!! I then cut down to one daily then four per week, three, and now one! Nothing has taught me more that quality beats quantity than having to test the waters myself😅. Now it’s a SOLID ONE 💪per week and everyone loves it (I think🙃). Or how many would you prefer weekly?

I doubt I can ever get over low figure phobia, I still catch myself gulping saliva whenever I’m checking my backend because I’m usually scared the numbers might break my heart😔. There was a time 100 clicks used to be a big deal to me, and then it graduated to 500 clicks per story😄. However now, I give myself a target of at least 3k clicks per story😅. Thanks to Twitter, the retweet groups, and my fraudulent act of spamming, I get to surpass my target. Please reserve some forgiveness for me in advance incase I spam your tweets in the future😂😂. I promise this too shall pass. In this new year, at least 5K clicks finna be my target😌.

emails

A credit alert or a new story alert (mail)? I am unsure which makes me happier🤔. I feel so elated and honored whenever someone finds me worthy to tell their story or feature it😁. To all of you who have contributed so far to MUTTERERS CLUB, my words are not enough to appreciate you, still, I am grateful🙌🙌. I will forever enjoy rubbing minds with each one of you to channel magic from your stories💦💦.

Donate For Muttering Minds

P.s. bear in mind that every story you find under Mutterers Club is not mine (although edited by me🤓). You will also find some features under ‘Ask The MUTTERERS’ or ‘Movie Reviews’. The names of the writers are usually in the title area. That’s how someone sent me a DM on Twitter asking if I am bald😒. No please🤨, that’s not my story. If you need to share a story for a possible feature, CLICK HERE.

writers
Do not hesitate to send me your stories.

JOY! JOY! JOY! 😄And THANKS💃!

My joy is so tied to Muttering Minds and I don’t know if it’s a bad thing but this is where my heart is🧖‍♀️. Just like a mother feels when her child is sick, that’s how I feel every iota of emotion for this🧎‍♀️.

There have been some memorable joyful moments especially recently and I know it will keep getting better😆. Thank you all for making the burden light😄. Thank you all for igniting your minds to always connect with the stories; it’s priceless❣❣. I enjoy every time here, I hope you do also. Keep the mutterings coming on a high spirit as always💥💥.

Joy vs. Happiness:
So Joyful

 

I CAME BEARING A GIFT🎁

Oh yes🙊, but this one comes with a price😌. So I was thinking of a proper way to celebrate without cakes and candles since I’ve got no money for a jamboree (soon I promise you💋), so I thought to add value to someone’s life for a token. On this note, my writing agency @HIRE_A_WRITER_ decided to let CV’s and Cover Letters go for two thousand naira each (N2,000/ $5)😄. This offer will last from today September 24th, up until September 30th (one week👌). If you need to write your CV or Cover letter, please contact the number on the flyer below. Help me share with your circle also; you never know who needs it. I assure you a quality result💯💯.

Cv and Cover letter

I NEED TO CHIP THESE IN TOO💁‍♀️🙋‍♀️…

It’s a taboo if you aren’t a member of my inner caucus “Naked Minds”🙄… drive stubbornness away by clicking HERE to subscribe🤕. Follow Muttering Minds on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Affordable advertising plans are also available to small and big businesses, send a mail to mutteringminds@gmail.com if interested🙏.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Oops! I guess you have finished your imaginary popcorn already, lol😂😂. For some reason, I saw the need to share what goes on ‘behind the scenes’ of the gripping stories you read here😄. Perhaps someone might be inspired🧘‍♀️.

The beauty of starting
Say something Niceeeee

Today is a special day for me, and I’ll appreciate you wishing me well and gush about Muttering Minds😆😆. Remember not commenting is equivalent to fraud😕. If you’ll love to suggest something that can help improve the growth of Muttering Minds too, feel free🙋‍♀️. If this is your first time here, you are welcome🙊, I’ll love to meet you in the comment section too🙈. Yes, I am begging! Please leave me a comment😿.

Once again, cheers to a gigantic ONE🍻, I hope to run the race forever with you all by my side💋❣.

 

8 min read

I was numb, clueless, I stared at my computer for a while, not remembering one thing she taught me a few seconds ago🥴. How do you teach someone something so casually and expect them to pick the baton effortlessly?🤒 Or maybe it’s not rocket science, every educated adult ought to be familiar with this, should be a shame she’s teaching me😪. Here I was, still staring keenly at the computer, questioning my cluelessness yet also trying to maintain a pose like I knew what I was doing. I played with the mouse for a while and the keyboard too, beating the letters like one of those secretaries I admire in the movies, only that no boss could break the shame by requesting for a cup of coffee at the moment🥺. 

social hiccups
I was numb, Clueless… (photo source- Business Insider)

“You know what, fuck it!”, I murmured under my breath🤨. “Rita please could you help me out with this again, I actually don’t know how to do it🥴”. I asked with a shy tone coated in shame. Rita gave me a busy and subtle nasty look yet tried to cover up by acting like it’s nothing to not know. But I can swear that deep down her mind, she screamed “OLODO! OLODO! WHY SO DUMB?!” 🧐🧐

I grew up late, not age-wise but exposure. Most of the things I saw my age mates do, I couldn’t, and rather than try whenever I found an opportunity, I always avoided it for fear of not embarrassing myself. 

social life
I grew up late, not age-wise but exposure. (Source- Quiet Revolution)

COMPUTERS

Growing up, computers topped the pyramid of the things I avoided like a plague😵. My parents are not tech-savvy people, they enjoy their simple life and only believe in providing a child with what they need. By need, I mean food, clothes, school. And these three come with no side attraction☹. For food, it’s the normal food you know, clothes, nothing extra, and tuition fees had no excursions or luxury classes included. “God When” was the most popular phrase that dominated my mind as a teenager…nah, it wasn’t me wishing for a relationship, but when I’ll finally stop getting scared of computers🤢. An icing to my fears was that everyone around me thought I knew these things because I was book smart so this made it worse that whenever an opportunity came, I got scared and would usually pull away rather than reveal a side to my unseen foolishness😒. 

Read: 5 Tech Phobias You Never Knew Existed

This was the order of my growth up until the university stage, and even after until it got to a point I couldn’t run anymore; at this point, I was already quite familiar with Microsoft Office, and locating the media software of a computer, nothing more. My worst nightmare became real when I got a job as a writer for a firm and was assigned my own computer. How people expect you to know how to use things when they haven’t seen you do so remains a mystery😟. Everyone seemed too busy to care if I knew how to use Google Docs or WordPress, and then newbies like Slack, Workable, Trello, Betrix24, which I had never heard of in my life. Christ! I was a mess. How do I confess my ignorance? 😭😭

social hiccups
Christ! I became a mess. How do I confess my ignorance?

“Oooh Doris😡😡!! I’m not sure you are fit for this job, since you got here we haven’t reached our goal😡” My line-manager made it hell for me with her unkind words. Imagine giving me a target of reporting at least six stories daily and all I could deliver was one and a half😶. Tragic. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to write but I couldn’t multitask the browser and Microsoft app on a computer. So what I did was to browse with my phone, write on my jotter before typing with the system🥵🥵. 

Read: When You No Longer Work There

How I conquered my phobia for computers was that after depriving my eyes of plenty of tears every morning😭😭, I usually put a call across to my friend to help me every time at work. As time went on, I also mastered the art of watching; once a colleague started explaining something to me, I gave unreserved attention. At some point too, I realized there was actually no big deal in saying these; “I don’t know”, “Can you explain again?”, even for the umpteenth time. I became better at the job and started to report about eight stories daily. Now I can proudly say that I am good with the computer and also numerous software. 😄

social
Source- Women Who Hope

PUBLIC SPEAKING 

I hate the fact that workplaces are fastly taking a cue from the school system😑. As an adult, I believe I reserve the right to take up a course on my own will and most importantly talk at my will too. But No! This is not the case for workplaces at least not anymore😬. Growing up, I hated public speaking even down to the barest minimum of reading a note aloud to five people🙃. I feigned a terrible illness at the time I was supposed to defend my project for my BS.c degree, that’s how bad I hate public speaking🙄.

Read: A Quagmire is Safer with Friends Inside

Now, the workplace makes it even more infuriating because I cannot run unless I want to starve. Nothing pisses me off in a workplace (asides from owing salaries🤧) than knowing that I have been assigned a course to learn on Coursera or Udemy and worst off present it in front of my colleagues. Yuck! Jeez!🤮🤮 Can the world end already?!

social hiccup
Source- SHRM

And whilst I’m talking and my colleagues keep staring at me like geckos😏…what disrespect!  The last time I checked I was employed as a writer, not a speaker😔.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Not sure I can conquer this side of me no matter the clever tips I read on google🤒, I still stutter, murder tautology a thousand times, and worse off doesn’t even make sense to me, let alone the others😴😴. It’s as though my head spins on a merry go round the moment I am assigned to speak. (Yes! I am that writer who speaks like an illiterate especially in public👩‍🦯👩‍🦯). 

 

HANGING OUT, DATES ( EXCLUSIVE FORK AND KNIFE AFFAIR)

 Pushing me out to dance in parties as a kid did some psychological damage that defiled my morale for attending social gatherings as an adult😔. I am a bad dancer but African brethren don’t get this truth (coconut heads🙄). I hated going to birthday parties because all the times I went, there was always a group of aunties forcing me to dance against my will☹. In the end, I come last. Pathetic. Now I hate going out because it still feels my outings have been jinxed; always a sour memory, if not from the road/bus passengers, then its the location and the events that unfold😨. 

Read: Why I Hate Mutual Friends
social life escalator
An escalator

You see escalators, whoever invented those hated me even before meeting me personally🙁. I never want to find myself having to use it; stairs all the way. My most horrid memory about it was when I went on a movie date with my ex (after much postponing😓). “Omon please let’s use the stairs, I’m scared of this shit,” I communicated my fears but he felt he got things in control (as per knight in shining armor🙄). Going up was successful, we had a nice time at the movies but coming down with the escalator was a failed gravity. My precious Zara sandals which I wore to impress suddenly got hooked somewhere at the edge😱😱, yet the escalator kept rolling as though about to devour my foot😭😭. 

Read: How we have Become Familiar Strangers to each Other

“Chai! Sorry o” “Ah fine girl, what happened now”…typical Nigerians and their love for throwing sympathies yet laughing😦. Everyone had something to say that day as they passed, meanwhile, my ex was trying so hard to hold his laughter and also making sure I didn’t lose my mind. The engineer finally came after 600 years of calling for help😭😭. He managed to get my foot off my sandals first and then unhooked my sandals with some tools. It was embarrassing😵. What made me a bit cool was him saying that I wasn’t the first and a lot of sandals and flip-flops were currently stuck inside it. Our date was ruined, to hell with this social life! 😔 all I wanted was to vanish from the mall to hell with the chicken and chips I was promised, mama’s taste better anyway☹☹. 

How to make perfect, crispy and flavourful french fries at home

The incident made me renew my vows about not going out again😴. I still miss my innocent Zara sandals who got bruised for my sake and couldn’t walk the roads again😓😓. RIP footie, your death taught me never to dress to impress.😬

Donate For Muttering Minds

 “Ah, we should hang out sometime”“My friends are throwing a party, I’ll love you to attend”. Excuse you! Why me?🙁 Please leave me alone! Aside from the few yet memorable bad luck I’ve encountered while hanging out, I get very jittery, more like I develop anxiety disorder whenever someone says we should hang out😖. For instance, if the date is two weeks away, I begin to over reason the event, people I’m likely to meet, will anyone be talking to me when I don’t want to?🤔 Will I be able to crack my chicken bones?🤭 Ding! Dong! What on earth am I going to wear!? 🤯🤯 Thinking over and over gives me a headache and before you say jack, I’ve researched a perfect suitable lie to ensure we don’t see.🤪

social hiccup
Excuse you! Why me? Please leave me alone!

Now the flip-side is, to get more connections (networking🤝), you need to hang out more, so what do I do with my life? I resolved that I’ll start going out often but the red lines in my bank account are solely responsible for this defiance.😌

Read: Detty December! If You Must Come Along…

And then the fear of not knowing how to eat with a fork and knife… Whoop! Whoop! Perhaps we should leave this part for a future publication😂😂. I’ll keep admiring people who go out on dinner dates. Bold strokes. Let it remain wishful thinking for me, I don’t mind🤗.

Donate For Muttering Minds

The things I’ve avoided growing up are things I ended up needing to sharpen my adulthood. It feels good opening up about these pertinent three and even feels better knowing that learning has been so feasible and somewhat enjoyable😃. 

date night
I’ll keep admiring people who go out on dinner dates. Bold strokes.

How about you? Did you hit a stumbling block growing up? 🤔 Or maybe still battling some social glitches, huh? Do you feel your social life is moving at a snail speed like mine? I want to learn about those embarrassing times (social hiccups🤭) in your life and possibly how you overcame them too. And if you got nothing on you, a reaction to my own experience will be great. Leave me a comment pleaseeeee.🙋‍♀️👇👇

8 min read

No one told me this about weed… rather, I never believed when they said it, so I decided to jump off the bus…🙃

*Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes.* “O my God Tom😱! I can’t breathe, my breath cuts short and my throat feels so dry😖…”

 *Struggles to gulp some saliva and begins to fidget and cry uncontrollably… moves closer to Tom and suddenly begins to hassle him.* “Please take me to the hospital!😭  This is not me, something is wrong with me…help me!!😩😩”

weed
Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes

Before then, I had never felt that way before, so scared, uneasy, very alive yet dead at the same time. Something was off; it was like I was communicating with all my multiple personalities in full flesh. My demons came out to play tough. I couldn’t tell who I was anymore, rather the side I enjoyed showing to the world was lost and hoping never to be found. I always heard that Marijuana (weed) could gargle a man’s mind, stir it in full-blown chaos until he loses grip of his actions, but I thought it was a bandwagon fallacy. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

 A little backstory here. On this very chilled day, I went to see my boyfriend (now an ex). He was a stoner and most times had weed littered in some strategic corners of his room. I went to his place to cajole him to follow me to mine; we were supposed to have a nice night together at my place (sips coffee🙃). And ding ding! I saw a somewhat handful of weed staring at me. And I thought to myself “today is the day”…not sure if the Lord made this one though.😏

weed
I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?

“Ah ha! This is the so-called weed right?” I asked rhetorically. “I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?😉”  Tom responded to me with an exciting and charming stare. Finally, his girl gets to taste the unseen goodness he’s been preaching. So I put it in my bag, assisted him in selecting some of his belongings, and off we went to my place. 

Donate For Muttering Minds

I was so curious, waiting to see the beastly transformation as I stirred my noodles on the fire. I have never sprinkled so much of a particular ingredient on a meal before, but that evening, I became an experimental chef. That moment when you are cooking and you indulge yourself in a monologue. “Is this the right amount?” 🤔 rather than second-guessing, I poured everything in the two packs of noodles. “Yasss! now, this is more like it🤤”, I said as a fulfilled smile ran through my lips.

Criminal: The Original Brownie Lady | WUNC

Read: Does it Mean it’s not Delicious?

I have never been so excited to serve a meal before, let alone noodles ( not a fan🤢). But on this day, I relished it like it was my last supper🤤. At every spoon, I’ll say in my mind “This had better work!” I wanted to see that so much talked about effect. “But when will it start working now🙄?” I pressured Tom at intervals while we ate. And he would always give me a reassuring look to calm down and take my mind off it.

LAUGHING GALORE WITH TOM

About thirty minutes later… I laid down in bed, swooned in some lovey-dovey shenanigans with Tom 💏. Surprisingly we got talking about childhood memories (it usually doesn’t happen with us especially on a night like that). I started to talk about how I always wanted to be a bird. How I loved watching cartoons with the woodpecker featured in it. I began mimicking the bird and told him I wanted to peck his *** with my lips. 

weed woodpecker
The Woodpecker

Have you ever laughed so much that even when you get to your limit, it seems as though you are just getting started? Laughter became insatiable. My nigga started whining me, he asked how I’ll love to peck it, and there I was making animal sounds.  “Graaaaaaaaa…Pkkkkurrr imagine your dick falling off immediately?”. I asked in a stressful sexy tone. Before I knew it, I found myself singing and twerking. For anything, I wouldn’t sing, let alone twerk even if it was the ultimate solution to end a pandemic. The most extreme spoliation was seeing myself trying to muster some sex appeal. How embarrassing?! 😪

Read: My First Sex Experience; Something Worth Sharing or?

I saw all I was doing but I couldn’t bring myself to order. It was like the real me became an audience to my demons. I have never been so out of control but it felt like the more I tried to get a hold of myself, the more misbehavior got the most rewarding part of me.🤧

weed
Have you laughed so much that even when you get to…

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought. With a low voice, I asked “Tom it’s like this thing is working, my chest is hot😟”, I took his hands and placed them on my chest “please touch it. It’s hot right?😰”.  There, it dawned on me that the worst could happen any moment. I jerked off and started pacing around the room.

Donate For Muttering Minds

I am a thinker and my thoughts can be very extreme. All the bad things I have ever thought of did not just replay in my mind only to say a brief hello, they wanted a full bed space. The worst of it all was dying young and not fulfilling my dreams. That period was when it was trending on the news that a girl who visited her boyfriend got overdosed and died. It was my time to join her😭… O Christ! I couldn’t bear it anymore. I started to hassle Tom to take me to the hospital. Imagine! This was already midnight. He tried to calm me down while reaching for his phone, assuring me he was trying to call his family doctor.

weed
My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought…

Tom! Tom!“… I screamed his name. “Wait a minute! Can you remember if we had an accident on our way here?😫” At this point, I was already crying. I was dead. Rather I thought we were dead and it was our ghosts that was active at the moment. “Maybe we had an accident and this is our ghost🥶”…”Tom we are not alive! We are dead. Christ! What will my mum do, what happens to all my dreams”😭😭… I cried even harder.

Read: Gosh! I Overthink Worst-Case Scenarios

I needed to be sure I was alive so I opened my room door and started running around the compound. “I need to know I’m alive!😱”, I kept reciting like an anthem while I ran. I had the nudge to knock on a friend’s door but Tom held me back. He was already getting pissed but most of him felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do with me but thankfully managed to bring me in. Yet I couldn’t hold still,  so I opened the door again and knocked on the door of my neighbors who lived opposite my flat as loud as I could. For me, it was a case of my ghost displaying, so to debunk that thought I felt if my neighbors could see me in the flesh then I will be a bit calm.🤭

weed
Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?

They were shocked! “Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?🙄” one of them interrogated me with his angry sleepy voice while the other two (all guys) were trying to get themselves together in case it was an armed robbery alert.  “I need to know I’m alive🥶”. I kept screaming and managed to drag them to my room. I could feel the embarrassment on Tom’s face as he narrated what happened to them. Before then, he’s never had an encounter so the impression now will most rightly be “The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed”. But reputation can as well burn in hell!  life is what matters now… I thought within.🤨

Click Here to Join NAKED MINDS

To cut the story short, they offered me some homemade remedies (palm oil and garri) to allay the weed effect. And going forward the experience became an avenue for subtle mockery and laughter whenever boredom came calling my neighbors.😒

weed
The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed

WHY I DECIDED TO SHARE…

I saw a tweet recently that read “what was that drink you overdosed on and you prayed to God that if the effect stops immediately, you’ll never drink again”. It made me remember my experience with weed and the lessons I garnered and so I thought, why not share…

Donate For Muttering Minds

The things you do when no one is looking are the things that define you”. This quote began to mean so much after the weed brouhaha. You know, everything I displayed that day were the thoughts I always had hidden inside. In my mind, I am the best dancer and twerker, sometimes when I am by myself, I twerk in front of the mirror. I always want to be sexy, I always imagine myself talking and acting sexy, sometimes I even act it when I am alone. All along I thought they were mere thoughts and goofing, I never knew they were already part of me. My mind had them registered in its nook, but that day, the weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons. 

weed
Weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons.

And the evil thoughts too…Going forward, I learned to always think more about the good things because just like that day, another day could come where it will be only me that can save myself and if I got no motivation inside me, it would become a scary mess😪. Although I still cower at the thought of dying young. God forbid! 😤. But how did weed come to be? Its efficacy remains unmatched. I was going to share my experience with alcohol too but this post already takes a cue from Mariama Ba’s So Long A Letter.  Alcohol also has a way of making me mask off completely, that’s why I never drink with people I am not comfortable with.😕 

Click Here to Submit Your Story!

Now your turn! Have you ever had a horrifying high experience? I’ll like to learn about your moment of reckoning. How do you feel when you are high? Why do you feel the need to get high sometimes? And If you are sober or have never taken alcohol or weed before, I’ll like to know why, maybe for your sake, I’ll repent. And yeah… what do you make of my weed experience too?🤓

 

6 min read

Fetish! Fetish! Fetish!🤤 So tell me, do you have one? I presume it’s one of those topics you’ll prefer to remain buried in your closet that is why I decided to kill two birds with one stone by pitching the discussion on Fetish and Obsessions. This means only one thing, if you don’t have a fetish or feel uncomfortable sharing, then you must be obsessed with something…like the smell of your own fart maybe.🤭

Yeah, you heard me. I know the last thing you want to do is smelling someone’s fart but guess what, you’ve been missing all along. Sniffing farts has its own health benefits. According to research, hydrogen sulfide, the gas that gives flatulence its repulsive smell, reduces the risk of heart attack, stroke, cancer and helps stave off dementia. Since I found out, it started to seem like I became obsessed with breaking the wind although not gathered enough confidence to savor the richness deeply because it perpetually gives me an obnoxious feeling🤮. For real though, you should research the benefits of inhaling farts, I assure you that going forward you’ll feel more confident letting out that air. 😌

Why do your farts smell that bad?RateMDs Health News

Obsessions First!

I am obsessed with the smell of menthol. The smallest sniffle from a menthol bottle is enough to make me feel alive; I inhale so deeply it feels like I just clinched an orgasm. My nostrils are promiscuous when it comes to trying out menthols, they are so trained they can tell what brand makes the best and the brands making a rookie mistake. When I was younger, I dug a hole in our mattress, I would usually pinch the foam off daily because I needed a stench of menthol to see me off to school. Every morning I will dip a piece of foam in a menthol jar to be sure it’s well saturated in it then I’ll hold it with me and sniff it at intervals. As an adult, it’s my handkerchief that bears the brunt. You’ll always find a yellow stain because of its continuous immersion in Menthol. 🙃

Are you also obsessed with Menthol? I’ve met some people who get agitated at the smell of it. If you are one, NEWSFLASH…! THAT’S YOUR CUP OF TEA!.☹ Hmmm, what else am I obsessed with? I used to love binge drinking Fanta and popcorn. The duo played well as the perfect couple for my belly, in fact offering me a treat with the combo was a way to appease me if you fell off my wagon. But not anymore after the boy I loved who always gave me so much of it got ****** (fill the gap). Now my current man serves me Malt and Milk goals, should I be scared? 🧘‍♀️
fetish
As an adult, it’s my handkerchief that bears the brunt. You’ll always find a yellow stain because of its continuous immersion in Menthol.

Even though I read that any obsession is dangerous, we all gotta be obsessed with something. You’re probably saying to yourself right now “But I got none?” Guess what, some people are actually obsessed with smelling their armpit and chances are that you fall in that category. If your answer is ‘NO’, it means you love to itch underneath and relish on the odor like a sumptuous three square meal…right?? 😜You gotta have an obsession. Shuuuuuu🤫… its porn right? Don’t worry, I promise not to tell.

Donate For Muttering Minds

And then there’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which I like to believe I’ve escaped from. Thanks to my little Nephew who scatters the house immediately I’m done arranging. His action proved to me that some obsessions die after all by mere looking away. No therapy needed.💆‍♀️

fetish
And then there’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which I think I’ve escaped from…

Now What??? FETISH!!!

Can I plead the fifth in telling my fetish? I was rooted to the spot the day I read a story on one of these relationship blogs about a man saying he couldn’t cum except he is sexing his lady on her period. LIKE!!! MENSTRUAL BLOOD IS WHAT TICKLES SOMEONE!!! I thought sexual intercourse should be avoided at that time of the month.🤢

Donate For Muttering Minds

I became curious about knowing people’s fetishes. I needed to be sure I had friends on the normal side because people can look normal but they’ll have you running for your dear life the day you discover all that’s buried in their closet. 

fetish
LIKE!!! MENSTRUAL BLOOD IS WHAT TICKLES SOMEONE!!!

In case you are a little lost, a fetish is typically referred to as a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. It is also a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object. For instance, there are some men who cannot make sweet love to a lady except she’s on heels, some ladies love role-playing, some are attracted to piercings, some, a certain color or type of underwear, etc. All these are mild fetishes.

Click Here To Join NAKED MINDS!

Some fetishes are really weird and bother more on the obsessive, for example, Gerontophilia (feeling sexual attraction for only people way older than you), foot fetish (licking the feet of your sexual partner) BDSM ( sex practices involving bondage, discipline, submission, and sadomasochism), etc. the most common under this is ‘Spanking’. Do you know that some people find sexual gratification through bleeding or blood? It’s called Hematolagnia. After I read this, I became less shocked about the man who loves period blood. Still strikes illegal in my eyes though.

Meet the person who gets turned on by gushing nosebleeds | Metro News

So I did a mini collation of fetishes from friends…stick with me…

“I can’t explain my love for breasts and cunnilingus (giving head). For some reason, I enjoy giving head to having sex. I’m not even the one getting the pleasure but it’s something I love so much, that’s the reason I don’t have sex with any girl that comes my way cause I want to eat her. As for my love for breasts, it’s that bad that a certain girl had to save my contact as ‘BREAST’.”- Storm.

Talk To Us! Share Your Story Here!

“I weirdly enjoy pain during sex. On me though. I like my girl to scratch and bite and beat my chest and all that…lol. It’s mad steamy. That’s my fetish”- Bite

fetish
As for my love for breasts, it’s that bad that a certain girl had to save my contact as ‘BREAST’

“Lol, I don’t have one. I think people that have fetishes are those that are sexually active, I might be wrong. But for my ex, he liked to bite my cheek, that was his own fetish”.– Aure

“I personally get aroused by V-line abs. Not every guy has it, even some guys with packs don’t have it. That alone can make me take off my pants. But then he has to be shirtless, wearing loose pants or just boxers for me to see it.”– Jules

Read: Men Talk! How To Get Rid of Boners in Public

“I like thighs cause they are attractive to look at, sensual to touch, and exciting to play with. Thighs give a sense of innocence. The fairer the thigh, the better. (For obvious reasons).”- Obuora

fetish
Let’s play a game, ‘Fetish or Obsessions or Both’.

These were my best five responses. They made me laugh and imagine quite some sensual rubbish though. While Fetishes can be an obsession, an obsession is not always a fetish, now you see why I picked the duo for a discussion, there’s an obvious thin line. But what causes people to have sexual fetishes though? 

Donate For Muttering Minds

You know what, let’s play a game, ‘Fetish or Obsessions or Both’. I’ll love to hear about your fetish or obsession (or both), and what you think caused it. It’s okay if you cannot trace the cause. I know you’re longing to hear my fetish, well I mentioned it earlier, mine is the most common under ****. If you’re fond of deliberately skipping lines when you read, then you missed mine. Perhaps you should just forget about it and say yours.😴

 

6 min read

There’s always that one thing we want but we will never get, maybe, just maybe when we take our minds off the wishful thinking, that’s when it will come. Not promising, but this has always been a consolation response to me whenever I complain to my friends about how slim I am and cannot wait to grow fat.

Bowled over? It’s not like I am too thin but then…all my life, I have longed to be a little thick at least especially on some strategic part of my body but my creator wouldn’t let me shine on that path. Since I became aware of myself I don’t think I have ever changed in looks or size. “Vampire”“Uju you are perfect the way you are”“You are so small and cute””I wish I had your body”… blah blah blah… You really do think that’s a compliment right? You wish! Well, maybe sometimes.

slim
It was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

The mistake most people make is that they think every slim person loves the way they are and that every fat person curses the day they were born. Do you ever stop to think for a second that some slim people actually hate it when you emphasize their body weight? Well, I belong to that one percent of the one percent who hate it when you do. Don’t ask me when I would gain weight or why I haven’t added since we left high school. It is rude. 

Donate For Muttering Minds

That was how the other day I ran into a mate from high school and the first thing she said was “Ah Doris! you haven’t changed, you are still small”. I had to morsel laugh for pretense sake but after she left I began analyzing her birdbrained approach. I concluded it was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

MY WEIGHT GAIN TRICK AND BACK TO SQUARE ZERO

Being slim can be very fine especially on tall people but if you are ‘slim and short’ like me, you will agree with me that beauty goes on vacation sometimes without seeking your permission. My body is like a chameleon only that it changes its weight instead of color. Small stress and I deflate. One minute I am happy to have gained 2kg and the next minute I am 4kg down. How annoying? It’s like one step forward and a million miles backward.

Read: What Is Perception To You?

So I discovered a weight gain trick two years ago. I started going to the gym. Daily. The first time I stepped my feet at the gym, it felt as odd as a baby enrolling for a Master’s Degree. “Ah”“What do you want to lose”“Do you want to disappear?” So many discouraging remarks but I didn’t give up. Specifically, I told the gym instructor that I wanted to add, not lose weight, “build my shape”. I started building my muscles and strength and taking lots of protein shakes. Little or no aerobics, deadlifts, lunges, leg lifts, squatting, and more. Squatting was my favorite exercise because I wanted to be just as bad as sexy and guess what, it worked. I built my muscles so much that I gained 10kg in five months. From 50kg to 60kg; well-shaped and a little thick. It was like Christmas in June until I got a nine to five job that swept me off my joy.

slim
From 50kg to 55kg; well-shaped and a little thick.

The new weight and look became history. I felt sad and still is. Initially, I tried to keep up with the gym during weekends but it felt like gaining only to lose it the next minute. There was no point. Little stress and small omissions that should become part of life because of our drive to make ends meet are bad for me. Stress like jumping buses from Monday to Friday, skipping meals, working hard, going for holidays…etc. they all take a toll on my weight. Now I weigh 49kg!! And the most unfair part of all these is that I see people who do worse than I do, gaining weight effortlessly while I get thinner than thin. This life is so unbalanced. If riches cannot be equal, let weight be even at least.

Donate For Muttering Minds
I should chip in that the only sign that I am likely to be as thick as I crave in the future is my butts. There’s something about my butts, as a matter of fact, it is my most precious asset before my *****. It gives me joy that something can at least grow and be visible when you look at me but its glory fluctuates too. Sometimes it appears super full like some huge melons and admirable especially after doing some rigorous squats indoors. Other times my two butt cheeks betray me by looking like pullets. Times like this, don’t tell me I have lost weight, I know, you don’t have to rub it in. The moment someone says to me “Ah Uju, you are starting to lose weight again”… by default my response is usually “Including my butts?”. If they concur automatically I sink into depression because for it to go down, then it is that bad.
Butt clipart animated, Butt animated Transparent FREE for download ...
Including my butts?

IT IS DEPRESSING 

You think that every slim person has it happy right? Well, it’s not the same for me. How do you explain seeing a really gorgeous dress you can afford and you purchase it only for it to be falling off your shoulders? Or the seller subtly screams at your face saying “leave it, it won’t fit you”. Deep down, she knows you won’t bring out the beauty of the dress.

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straightforward As You Think

You also think every slim person got there by default right? “Oh, it’s her nature”… well, it’s not for some. Some people are sick and the more they take their medications, fat has no place to stay. Some slim persons like me cannot even explain their body type. Sometimes I undergo forced feeding yet, nothing to show for it. Just like losing weight is a struggle for some, gaining weight is a slice of tough meat for me.

slim

Meeting a slim person does not give you the right to start measuring the size of their arm with your fingers. It’s not cute. Or the name callings like “lepa”, “Broom Stick”, “Thinny” etc. These are very ugly names and full-blown body shaming that we have remained oblivious to. Except someone tells you that they like some part of their body, it doesn’t give you the right to assume that it’s good for them and start making jokes. The fact that a lot of people want something doesn’t guarantee that those who have it are happy with it.

I’m GOING BACK!

Well! Well! Well! Maybe you are slim and you love you just the way you are, that’s cool. As for me, l love me and will love me even more with some more flesh.

I want to put on some healthy weight gain. And since I discovered the trick that works best for me is the gym, I’m going back. COVID took the nine to five away so I decided to look on the bright side of things. I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg. I hope to get there before the year runs. Possible? We shall see… I’ll try to keep you posted

Donate For Muttering Minds

slim
I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg.

My weight is one of my biggest insecurities. Talking about it with you Mutterers brings a sense of relief. Do you mind sharing with me your insecurities too? or perhaps we are walking in the same shoes, I’ll like to hear… or better still you got some advice on how I can gain some weight without going to the gym? 

I’ll be waiting in the comment section.

 

6 min read

Do you ever read a passage in the bible and get slightly pissed at God? You read and you’re like “What was he thinking? This is so unfair especially coming from the ‘Big Man’ up there?” The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25: 14-30, used to be among the few passages I felt distaste for until my dear friend Taiwo Omotesho, in one of our seriously playful conversations, led me to read it again. This time, something changed.

A little backstory here. Taiwo had lead me on some career talks about how she has a lot of things she wants to venture in but for every one of them, there’s a barricade clogging the wheels of its success. For her (not until the revelation) it was a case of “If the road isn’t smooth, then I’m not even gonna try to make a little out of nothing”. Then she narrated to me how one evening she was having a sober reflection and asking God why it was like that and then he took her mind to recall the Parable of the Talents. According to her, God asked her what she has done with one of the many ideas at least. And her answer was Zilch. “So how is it that you want more?” God asked. How awakening! I knew I needed to revisit the parable again to gain a fresh understanding.

Read: When God Takes A Nap
Parable of the Talents
So how is it that you want more?

Why I Used To Be Offended

The Parable of the Talents likened the kingdom of heaven to a master traveling into a far country. Before embarking on his trip, he summons his three servants and gives them talents. He gave one five talents, another two talents, and one ‘only’ one talent. Each of them was expected to trade and make profits on his behalf.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Notice my emphasis on the word ‘only’?  Yes!  That was why I always got pissed with the parable but thankfully not anymore. I used to exercise my resentment as to why the master (who represents God in the parable) was unfair and didn’t give each servant the same amount of talent. I always asked why? Did he not like him? Maybe. 

The Parable of the Talent
The Parable of the Talent likened the kingdom of heaven to a master traveling into a far country.

The gospel of Matthew puts that when he returned from his trip, he called each servant to give an account of how the talents were utilized. The one who was given five had made an extra five (ten), the one given two, an extra two (four) but the one given one due to his dissatisfaction buried it. Back then I used to say that if I was in his shoes, I might have done worse, maybe quit the job because of the oozing partiality.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Revisiting the Parable again, asides from gaining new insight, what made it even more interesting and easy to comprehend was reading from The Living Bible translation; one of the best things to happen to my spiritual growth.

 

The Big Revelations

God Detest Idle Hands: First, I got to understand that the talents represented money and the one talent was actually $1000. If I got a thousand dollars now, will I bury it simply because it wasn’t the same amount as the rest? Hell No. I will probably get pissed and jealous but burying it is the last thing I’ll do.

“Sir, I knew you were a hard man, and I was afraid you would rob me of what I earned, so I hid your money in the earth and here it is!” (Matt 25:24-25) This was the servant’s response when he was asked to give an account.

Click Here To Join Our Online Community NAKED MINDSFree visuals: The Good Worker (Parable of the Talents) Jesus tells ...

The master replied, “Wicked man! Lazy slave! Since you knew I would demand your profit, you should at least have put my money in the bank so I could have some interest”.(Matt 25:26)

The response of the master who represents God in the parable opened my eyes to the fact that God hates it so much when we are discontented over what he gives us and worse of lazy to use our gifts. He expects that no matter how little it is in our own eyes, we must put it into use. God loves productivity. If you are not interested in using what he has blessed you with; bless someone’s life with it or invest it somewhere fruitful. It laying idle is a sin. It’s more like every gift he gives us is a ticking time bomb, for every tick, he expects a little profit at least. Notice his reference to the bank and you know how small bank interest can be depending on the amount invested.

Donate For Muttering Minds

We Are Unequal in God’s Eyes– If you are one of those who think that God loves everyone equally then you are mistaken. Just like we are advised in Philippians 2:12 to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, we must also work out the level of love we want God to have for us. At the beginning of the parable, it was written that the master divided the money ‘in proportion to their abilities’. It is evident that the servant he gave five is his favorite, most hardworking, and loving servant who has overtime worked so hard to merit it. He is that servant you will call and without hesitation, he responds. God creating us is not enough to conclude that we are entitled to his blessings, we must work for it with faith, diligence, and obedience.

Read: Did God Really Create The World In Less Than 7 Days?
parable of the talents
We Are Unequal in God’s Eyes

Why God Keeps Blessing Some People More– Have you noticed some people around you who keep having a lot of ‘Good Luck’ in their lives. No! A genie didn’t curse them with so much richness at birth but they choose to make use of what they have despite the challenges. And from there, one idea births several other ideas. Open doors galore…

After the confrontation with the servant who buried his talent, the master said “Take the money from this man and give it to the man with the $10,000. For the man who uses well what he is given shall be given more, and he shall have an abundance. But from the man who is unfaithful, even what little responsibility he has shall be taken from him.” (Matt 25:28-29)

Donate For Muttering Minds

God loves the one who is more hard-working. Judging the case for mere face value, one will assume that he will give it to the servant who made $4,000 (four talents) after all his is little, he can have that to make his half of the ten talent servant’s sum. But No, the one with $10,000 was blessed even more. This proves that God doesn’t delight in second best. Mediocrity is not an option. God loves to deal with the best winners.

Click Here To Submit A story!
parable of the talents
Do not fret, there’ll be more wins to come, you just play your part.

Dear Mutterers

It is imperative that I shared this revelation with you because I know that at this stage of your life, you’ve got so many questions to ask about your career path and what the future holds. I strongly believe this will go a long way in answering some of your questions. 

While it is not wrong to pray to God to bless you with more, it is wrong to be unfaithful with the little things he has blessed you with. Do not fret, there’ll be more wins to come, you just play your part.

9 min read

“If your boyfriend or husband pounds you really hard when having sex, best believe that human with three legs is a rapist. There is no such thing as hard or angry sex. Is he a hammer? Maybe he is but girl, your vagina is not a drilling site. If he claims he hasn’t raped anyone before then watch out, the day you say no to his sexual advances, you might just be his first victim. SEX NOT VIOLENCE. ONLY A RAPIST OR A POTENTIAL ONE APPLIES FORCE DURING INTERCOURSE. This is my candid take on rape and the definition of a rapist”– Christine Okon.

Hmmmmmmm… Rape is like old wine. The more we get older; the odious act gets stronger at serving severe deafening blows to the society that living becomes a frightening experience. The death of 22-year-old Uwavera Omozuwa, a Nigerian and Microbiology student at the University of Benin who was raped and savagely beaten to death while reading at a local parish of the Redeemed Christain Church of God in Edo State last week not only became a foreground for a reawakening on the sexual menace but also opened a can of worms.

Rape
JUSTICE FOR UWA

Uwavera’s experience has up until now served as a backdrop for rape victims to open up about their long endured hurt while supporting the #SAYNOTORAPE movement. The victims each day, find a comforting way to relay their truth and call out their abusers. Let’s not forget the gender war too. Almost half of the male folk feel it is a lopsided attack and an unfair generalization to tag them as the sex who rapes. “MEN GET RAPED TOO”, they clamor! But you see, who screams the loudest is usually gifted the most comfortable sit by the audience, that’s one of the underrated rules of life. Men should learn to speak up more.

Read: Rape Stats In Nigeria

Ranging from the blue blood to the privileged class and even the ones, who live down in the mouth, comprised the CALL OUT list. And asides the common male-on-female rape, some of the rape victims narrated their experiences on female-on-male rape, male-on-male rape, and female-on-female rape. Does this settle the gender war? Maybe, but that’s a far cry away from the bone of contention here. One thing that remains unsettled is that rape cases will continue to stir too much dust in the society and this is because while it looks like we are fighting together against it, the sexual menace (rape) and the perpetrators (the rapists) are perceived differently by all and sundry.

rape
“MEN GET RAPED TOO”

You’re probably wondering how I arrived at this conclusion right? Well if you read stories frequently here, you’ll know that I am always more interested in what people are not saying or projecting more; the minority opinions that carry so much weight when looked at introspectively. 

Unpopular Opinion About Rape

As of last week, virtually everyone had something to say about rape. Stemming from the objective angles to the pity parties and then the loose minds who say it just as it hits their head, all lent their voices to the best of their knowledge. Among several opinions I read through, the straw that broke the camels back for me was this;

Donate For Muttering Minds

“Well, this might not make sense but I feel it’s a simple truth. When a case of rape is about to start, instead of dragging with them, can the girls just allow him or them instead of sustaining injuries that can even lead to death? Just saying o. Some will even be scared she is offering them willingly. Cause I don’t see the point of fighting back when your strength can’t last you for a minute. Just accept it instead of accepting forcefully with slaps, punch, bite, weapon, and all. Okay, imagine a house that got robbed.  Nobody will try to fight back once they see a gun. Isn’t that like rape too?”

rape
Can the girls just allow him or them instead of sustaining injuries that can even lead to death?

You see, no matter how sensitive an issue is, there will always be warped opinions, some, you’ll wonder what planet the individual hails from. But do we shove them away because they are culture shocks compared to our own opinions? No. All through my life, I’ve never heard someone think this way about rape. But if he can then they’ll definitely be more on his side who hold out of the ordinary opinions too. At this point, my curiosity began to age so I decided to put it up for a debate on my WhatsApp status. 

Read: Abusive Relationships; Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

So I posted the picture and captioned “Seeing this, I realized a lot of us hold uncanny opinions about sensitive issues. It takes a level of courage to speak up”. Then in my next slide, I asked “Who is a rapist? Kindly define in your own understanding”. Then the comments came rolling, this explains the quoted text in the first paragraph. 

rape
I don’t think it’s wise to fight back

Like I predicted he wasn’t the only one who would hold the opinion, a friend responded- “I second this opinion. Honestly, rape is fucked up, It’s an awful thing to happen to anybody but if anybody is at that point, I don’t think it’s wise to fight back. From personal experience, fighting back just increases provocation and the likelihood of you being seriously injured. If someone’s pinning you down, especially someone who is physically stronger than you, there’s barely any form of fighting back that will save you tbh. Instead, it will just aggravate the situation and might give the rapist justification to inflict more physical pain on you. Just saying”

While these two stuck to their guns, counter-attacking opinions began flooding in;

Tunde Onakoya said: “You know I really do think this might just be the opinion of a guy because it’s really silly. What people should be advocating for is to let rapists not rape people, not that you should negotiate with them. It’s like saying you want to negotiate with terrorists on how to destroy and you say “don’t bomb everywhere, just shoot few people”. It doesn’t make any sense.”

rape
Rape messes up with ladies mentally

“Really? Consensual rape? It’s crazy! What’s the guarantee that after the consensual rape, you won’t be killed. The psychopath will gladly kill u without any guilt because in his words “she enjoyed it”- Queen Ede opined.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Similar to Queen’s stand, Oreoluwa Osinuga said “the thing is that they are thinking of the physical effect rather than the mental. Rape messes up with ladies mentally and you might think you are smart and act that way, letting them have their way but what if they kill you after? The point of this whole thing is not the act itself”

Read: From Abuse To Addiction

Ajibola concluded this round by saying “Rape is a terrible act and under no circumstance should the victim willingly give in. Fight even if it means you’re gonna get battered. On the other hand, shouldn’t living be the most important thing under any circumstance? I condemn rape and the punishment under the law should be heavier than it’s ever been anywhere around the world. Some people never get over it even after passing through the horrible experience.”

Rape victim
Fight even if it means you’re gonna get bartered.

Unpopular Opinion from The Victims Eyes.

While that round of debate fizzled, someone who chooses to be Anonymous sent me this;

“I could never report it to anyone because I was afraid it was my fault. I never wanted to be harmed and that’s why I never tried to fight back, or why I pretended to be asleep the day my uncle snuck into my room at night and had his hands all over my body, I did not want to embarrass him and myself. I did not want to be that child. The child with the stigma. The bad egg. The one who’s story got retold time and time again. So I kept quiet about it. I did not want to be the reason my uncle got sent out of the house. I did not want to be pitied and treated differently from the rest of my siblings. I blamed myself for everything. It was easier than speaking up and causing a fuss. If I didn’t speak up, it would only be in my head and it would make it less real, that’s what I thought, so I kept quiet. I mean how else could I tell my parents about my cousin and the painful things he did to me without upsetting everyone? Or the fact that my uncle kept on dipping his fingers into me every time no one else was around. Who would believe me?  I blamed myself for not speaking up, but never ever found the strength to speak up even if I wanted to.”

rape
I blamed myself for everything. It was easier than speaking up and causing a fuss.

This is my first time coming in contact with a victim who pities her abuser and chooses family peace over hers, I’m convinced there are many others like her. What do you make of this?

Who Is A Rapist?

Remember I asked that they define who a rapist is in their own understanding. The weirdest response I got was that of Christine Okon which I used as a preamble for this post. 

Going forward, Rhemakana Gilbert defined a rapist as “a man who is unable to understand the concept of consent. He is driven by a sense of entitlement over the bodies of women and holds the view that he is ruled by his urges. He believes that women should adjust their theology to make up for his lack of self-control and understand when he needs a release and cannot control himself.”

Donate For Muttering Minds

With an emphasis on the word ‘conscious’, Ifeanyichukwu Ogbuoji said: “A rapist is one who forces his way into the thighs or anals of another without the person’s CONSCIOUS consent.”

Read: Domestic Violence! How Many More Jonny Depps To Be Uncovered?
rapist
Who is a rapist?

“If you take advantage of my body without my consent, You are a Rapist! If I agree to have sex with you and along the line, I asked you to stop but you refused and continued forcing yourself on me, You are a Rapist! 🤷🏽‍♀🤷🏽‍♀🤷🏽‍♀” Delight Loveday said.

“A rapist is someone whose libido is higher than his thoughts,” Cupid said.

“A rapist is someone who sees another human that is fully clothed and decides to imagine them naked. A rapist is someone who is capable of murder.”- Amaka Enyinnaya 

The Bane of Disparity 

The disparity in our perception about rape, in my opinion, is what kills the fight even before it is fought. I choose to feature these responses because they strike different. The majority in a good way and a select few leaves the rooftop leaking.

While you cannot beat a person for having a different opinion from yours, we must bear in mind that some battles cannot be fought without a unison of opinion; the fight against rape is one of such.

Click Here To Join Our Online Community NAKED MINDS
Rape
If at this stage some of us prefer to weigh which gender feels the brunt more…

If at this stage some of us still hold that the rape victim is to blame rather than the rapist… if at this stage some of us prefer to weigh which gender feels the brunt more… if at this stage some of us believe indecent dressing is the primary trigger for rape… if at this stage the rape victim chooses to remain silent, then we cannot win this fight against rape. 

Donate For Muttering Minds

What does this tell you about rape? What does this tell you about a rapist? What does this tell you about the victim?  And most importantly, what does this tell you about YOU?