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muttering minds

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7 min read

“Oooh ahhhh…mmmmm..ahhhh” my quiet moans litters the whole room. “Awww baby could you stroke your dick for me?” He gets at it softly, up and down he strokes with special care for his pinkish reddish cap. “Sheeeshhh… mmmm…ooohhh, dammit baby! I want it all in my mouth baby”. It’s become a slippery slope, all thanks to the divine mixture of precum and lotion. I wish to put it all in my mouth, his dick! But I can only watch and moan and multitask soft-handling my boobs with my left hand. It’s easy-peasy as they’re perky and almost smallish, all my left fingers could pleasure them at once. He delights at my boobs by giving a moan quieter than mine. There was a time I usually blamed his shallow moans on masculine ego, but I grew to see it as an indefatigable men trait. So I enjoy the moment.” Baby imagine me sucking them with soft spanks on your giggly ass, you’ll love it right?”… These words send me into a higher gear of sensual urges, a kind that makes my iris seem like it’s escaping the sclera, like one in a trance. 

Whew!! This is all we can do, sometimes blessed with precums, sometimes a molehill of cums and orgasms, other times, rude interruptions with my mum screaming my name two rooms away. I better dash out of the toilet and pretend to be fast asleep on my bed. Arrrhhh!! To think that I was almost hitting climax, dammit mum!

dripping cum
Image source- Sex Comics

The Juice Of Video Chat Sex

Ever tried video chat sex with your partner? Or maybe someone else? Woah, I actually enjoy it especially on some special occasions like when the weather is cozy and bae is far away in Queensland. I’m sure to orgasm in a way that sends me into some sweet sleep… oops! You really think ladies cannot have an orgasm this way?  Try me then lmao. Quit the jokes, only 25% of ladies orgasm through intercourse, the other percentage is seen in spontaneous activities, video chat sex inclusive. I rate it a great way to spice up a relationship, it shouldn’t be reserved for only long-distance couples.

best angles for nudes
Source- Metro

Before I ever tried video chat sex, I had experienced erotic phone calls (phone sex) with this dude when I was 19 I think, those free midnight calls thanks to MTN live rent-free in my head. I was just bursting into the outer world when I met this dude on one ‘very weird’ site as I love to describe it. We exchanged numbers and most nights after that held me captive in sexual secrecy. We never met, so it was easy to run wild. He taught me much naughty stuff that backfired as I saw the guy I later started dating as boring. Like how does he not know these stuff!! My little brain was so slow to process that he was only an innocent boy who still hid in school toilets to steal kisses and barely understood the right gears for masturbation. Anyway, I activated my girl power to get him to try, and knowing his ego was at stake, he obliged.  But it wasn’t it, his voice was more clownish and not one bit sensual, I knew it was a lost cause at this point! 

words to say during phone sex
Image Source- Greatist

The Deadliest Sin Of A Sex TAPE

I don’t expect you to agree you’ve ever made a sex tape, but if you do, bold strokes! This was supposed to be a stand-alone piece with my friend Romeo holding the pen and unraveling his delight for making sex tapes. Unfortunately, dude got so little yet in-depth take to share. 

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“Well making sex tape actually is fun and adventurous. However, it must be consensual. For someone with my kind of personality who loves to explore and loves adventure.  It is awesome for me when a lady accepts that we do a sex tape. Getting to watch it after we are done is a tremendous turn-on. There is a weird psychology behind that which a vanilla will never relate to. I’ll propose it for someone who is sexually dynamic in exploration and just love crazy stuff and want to use different ingredients to achieve that crazy feeling. Sex tape is the deal. You get to see how everything went, how you both reacted, the sounds uhm. I mean that’s A for me .”- Romeo

I totally agree with Romeo. Although I’ve never made a sex tape before, I’ve had the privilege of a series of ‘makeout’ tapes which seems so much like the real deal. I find it beautiful watching them over and over again, especially on some lonely nights when I want to flick the bean. It gives me a kind of sensation porn doesn’t dare come close to, it’s a natural especially if you cherish the person with you in it. The funniest thing about it is you get to see how ugly you are in bed, like fucking ugly! I be thinking to myself the whole time watching “how is this man attracted to this thing”“For christ’s sake!! Is this how I kiss?? It’s so yuck!” I’m a tad embarrassed but it still gives me an orgasm watching.

easiest way to make a sex tape with your man
Image Source- Pornhub

Trade By Barter Nudes

I hate seeing pictures of any man’s dick, be it my man’s. Dicks, I prefer to see physically or in motion on video chat sex, don’t you dare spam me with your dick photos! I tolerate my man’s but frankly, I’m less than 1% aroused the whole time, but shall I pretend? Absolutely! However, sending my nudes appears to be the sexiest thing ever, especially my boobies. Randomly I enjoy taking snapshots of my boobs, in different angles while I adore them in all their full glory. And then this one-shot hits, and it makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth before Emilia Clarke. Woe betides me if I decide to keep this beauty to myself. Ping! Ping! In split seconds, bae receives the memo, he can wank on it as he pleases.

Ever been in this situation where you meet someone new and they start asking for nudes? Such clowns! Well, let me not lie, if I’m feeling the nigga, I opt for trade by barter nudes. Duurrrhh! Even though I hate dick pictures, he has to commit by sending me first, it makes me feel safe to send mine but not with my face in it. I remember making this particular dude go through seven hells by asking him to send different shots of his penis only for me to abscond without returning the favor. He still hates me, but I care less.

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The Golden Rule is “Do not share nudes with your face in it”... hmmm this doesn’t apply to me if he’s my man though. There’s something about the face that makes the image more boner triggering, especially if you know how to wear that resting bitch seductive face on. Oops! Do not run with my advice!!

making sex tape
Image Source- Metro

Bursted!!

One time I played a prank on my friends that my ex was threatening to make viral my nudes, they were so furious and told me to call his bluff. For a moment, about three of them were shocked to find out that I normally send nudes. “For real Uju, you send nudes!?” one of them accosted me, she wouldn’t believe it. The problem is my friends rate me too serious for certain sexual ish. More like a nerdy kinda person. Does it mean they haven’t watched any porn with a nerd in it? I actually enjoy those categories. 

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What happens when you fall out with someone who has an archive of your nudes though😂😂? Because I trusted them in the first place, I’m usually not scared. Something very hilarious happened recently, my friend called me and asked me a quite unrelated question. “Uju how far, how can I delete a message I sent to someone on Instagram?” I had no right answers because I hadn’t done it before, most likely because I have no personal IG. But I got on with whining her on the reason she needed to delete something only for her to open up that her ex contacted her to do some digital marketing work and thankfully he gave her his password. My girl said she wants to delete her nudes o😂😂, before she gets bursted. I laughed ehn… thankfully we found a way. But wait a minute! You all send nudes on IG?? 😂😂😂 I don’t trust that platform, its WhatsApp or nothing for me because what if my IG gets hacked 😱. Even with WhatsApp, I carry out the act with my heart in my mouth, I switch off my data on most cases to be sure I’m sending directly to the dude and not my status. I’ve made countless mistakes of uploading things on status, instead of sending as a DM. Thankfully, nudes ain’t one.

what to do when your nude leaks
Image Source- Wall Street Journal

Sometimes I have this weird case scenario running in my mind though, what if one of these dudes decides to leak my nudes, what can I possibly do? Find the goat and insert a nuclear weapon in his asshole? Delete every trace of myself existence from social media? For sure I’ll be too embarrassed and maybe a bit of crying, but I’m sure to find solace in the comments that’ll speak on how sexy my body is though 😂😂😂. 

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So do you send nudes? Make video chat sex or sex tapes? Ever been close to being bursted? Or bursted?! Let’s gist in the comment section 😂😂. If you’ve never done any of these, I’m curious to know why too. Remember all liars shall perish 🤭👇 .

 

7 min read

I am your precious secret place, you dwell, you enjoy me selfishly, but never ever will you abide under the shadow of sharing me with another.  Is this what Muttering Minds is to you?

You’d rather be here, breaking bread and drinking wine with this family of ‘societal misfits’ who are unafraid to show unfiltered sadness in a world where even fake laughter is considered medicine. A family not connected by blood but imperfection. Is this what Muttering Minds is to you?

Cruise! Cruise! “What do these weird ones have under their sleeves this Friday? My mind is hungry for novel eye-openers, and of course, clownery”. Is this what brings you here often?

Can being weird be a good thing? - Vox
Image Source- Vox

Among the few reasons people tell me whenever I ask them why they fuck with Muttering Minds, the above-mentioned are prominent. Oops! Not leaving out their love for the mystery of not knowing the face behind this gang of weirdos. No, wait! Some actually hate it, they’d pour hot oil on their genitals just to see my face. But is my face some form of currency? Tell me please, I hope it’s an all-time high though, I might as well sell it off and makeup all the money I should have charged for my blemished therapy sessions here. And ooo not forgetting my mail, that’s even more amateuristic. Hey dear, I sincerely do not care how you look, quit sending me trade-by-barter images of yourself via email, hoping that I return the favor. Can we just enjoy our conversations and leave our faces out of them?😌

I’m not hiding, never hidden, but don’t try to look for me. 

Nahhhh… I’m not angry joor😁, Muttering Minds is Plus 2 today!!! Whew!!🥳🥳 I just thought that rather than cutting cakes, I should wear the armor of mischief and assertion while I cut words here🤺. 

Awkward Black Girl GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

The Ugliest Thing About 2

It’s suddenly graduated to a race my mind keeps reminding me that I’ve come too far to quit. See guy, I really don’t know why I’m still holding on to this shit, It’s the ugliest relationship I’ve ever stomached. Spamming from coast to coast to recruit more demons, then finding out a demon is greater than all my demons put together. I often ask myself ‘how is it you still want so much more?’ You see, I love to win big, hardly a night goes by without me asking my creator to bless me with more Mutterers. But for every time it becomes overwhelming (seeing the numbers adding up but the intentions are zero😒), I try to retrace my prayer request. Small is often considered a bad result, but with intentionality comes greatness. This here is one ugly truth I’ve learned owning this shit. As much as I crave an uncountable flock of sheep, growth is much appreciated when it’s earned painstakingly. It’s not like age that moves up regardless of the brain being half-witted. I’m in love with how intentional 20% of the Mutterers are, it plays a huge cover for the onlookers. Mind you, I still look forward to a time where I’ll post a story and not have to spam or say a word about it. All that does the talking would be the post notification. Let’s toast to that for it will happen. 

Leonardo Di Caprio Cheers Gif - IceGif

The Beauties of 2

I’m happy (I think). Unlike the first-anniversary note where I mentioned that I literally would go from chat to chat, to plead a comment here. Now I’m proud to call myself an earner of at all at all sha, three comments not produced out of persuasion will drop😄. Another beautiful thing is that I can decide to have a week or two weeks off, still, my ride or rides will still ride for me when I show up🥺. Nah, I am not one to take advantage of loyalty by serving inconsistency. My health has been hell-bent on imposing a toxic relationship with me since this year. But this is a tale for another publication, I should have shared since, but I want to make sure it accompanies a testimony.

Loyalty Is Everything Tupac GIF - Loyalty Is Everything Tupac Demetrius Shipp Jr - Discover & Share GIFs

I’ve Always Been a Coward, Nothing’s Changed

Long before now, about 8 months ago, I had started making plans on how I would celebrate today. I thought of launching my desired eLibrary that will harbor a merch collection and sweet e-books, all for your pleasure. But I caught a frozen foot after doing a mini-survey on Naked Minds and one person amongst the one percent I thought shared in my passion for this community said without a care for my fragile emotions that he won’t be purchasing any of it🥺. Tell you what, the other comments were so positive, but my mind automatically translated them into white lies after seeing the bad apple. I regret scrapping the plans though, but it wasn’t after I reconnected with an old friend who strangely didn’t take much time with me before he said “You’re still scared of failure Doris, common, you need to be confident o” and he diluted it with laughter that wore a tone of mockery. Yeah I know, he did mock me. 

Vote Of Confidence GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

But I think I’m doing better now, turning a blind eye to flops, riding for me despite being car sick, and being able to take a second look at my writing. I used to cringe reading all over any story I post here despite the accolades. I used to cry myself into frustration when I post a story and the comment section takes a snail speed or none at all. “Most of them are probably not having a good day or have absolutely nothing to say”, once my mind reminds me of this, I send my frustration into exile.

I used to burn down hellfire whenever a glitch affected the website, but now, more than worrying, I seize the opportunity to take a break. 

The only thing I’ve not learned is confidence in trying new things especially when it revolves around money. Pleading to buy, donate, all whatnot. I’d rather chew jeans🥴. I lack confidence in my people bank, that’s the truth. But I should switch things up in the new year though, if you see me running mad, don’t throw stones, instead join in the madness😁.

switch up gif

Impression

I am not a therapist, especially not a sex therapist. I do not have all the answers, what I got is a platform with the best minds who provide several answers, all seeming right in their own eyes. If you notice, I’m mostly neutral to all the comments here, because like you, I’m grateful that this platform is a learning curve. I’m human like you too, like you have the right to not answer a DM, I reserve the right to not answer your mail. Not because I want to, but sometimes I’m numb and sincerely have nothing to say. And I would rather not mislead you by trying to inscribe my name in the book of ‘wokeness’ by force. 

therspist gif

Appreciation

If anything the comment section! O boy!! I’m yet to find any platform that harbors ‘so long a letter’ comments like Muttering Minds😭. Gosh! You all pour it out, if ever I doubt the support I feel on this earth, your dedication to penning your comments debunks it. Writing is not easy one bit, yet you give it all. This is not only raw support but raw trust. Thank you! Tell you what, some of my close friends tell me (maybe out of good envy😄) that they are usually too intimidated to comment here. Apart from the length, too many senseis, English opoor o…🙌

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Many who rode with me during the first year, no longer hold the wheel, I don’t expect that you’ll continue to and that’s okay. Like people can love forever, they can also outgrow love too. Just ensure you’re not a bad ex 😉. 

thankful Gif about 2

Thank you for sharing my work too and being proudly associated, sadly, only a few fall in this category though. The rest are often too embarrassed to associate themselves openly with Muttering Minds. Let’s not even talk about the nasty remarks… more than any of you, I understand the moral stigma, so keep riding private if it pleases your soul😪.

Donations

Never has buying me a bottle of malt been a bad decision😌. In my recent newsletter, I promised I was going to be aggressive in seeking monetary donations today because I deserve it (my entitled self believes so🤣). No long talk jare, send me money *blows powder*. This donation page has been more of a filler page than coins yielding. Break the jinx, please🤧. Forget the long talks on here, just go straight to the DONATE segment❤. 

Donate to SMC this Giving Tuesday season! - Somerville Media Center

An Experiment

Regardless of my paranoia for the people bank here, there’s no harm in experimenting with this. Asides from congratulating me on 2, and leaving your reservations of Muttering Minds in the comment section, feel free to market your business, skills, and what have you in the comment section💃🕺🏿. I invited a Jeff for this anniversary, I forgot to revise the last name so I don’t know if the one who would show up is a Bezos’ or Thomson. The latter is the dude who tried to throw pepper inside my eyes, but mercy said noooo😂😂. Regardless market yourself. Bring the comments on darling 😄👇👇

 

8 min read

Though it’s almost 20 years ago, I can’t remember to forget that morning. It was a Saturday, a time for new looks to be plaited on our heads. My elder brother, the beloved impatient, was going to be seeing us off to the saloon, you know what this means, hurry up or get a fast-forwarding slap that helps you pick up the pace.

“Uju!! UJU!!! come and see, come and see😢…” with so much heaped-up fright triggered by the gory image her eyes had just embraced, my sister Chichi couldn’t wait for me to get to her. She kept screaming my name as she ran to meet me halfway, and behold!! I saw her holding bulky strands of hair covered in pus and blood, all rooted to a peeled skin. “Jesus!! What happened? Who cut your head🥺😲?” I was terrified and immediately afflicted with goosebumps.

 

TORMENT 101

One unsolicited gamble life gifts us with is that our lives can change in split seconds. It’s either for better or worse, we are not presented with the gift of a choice. At that moment, my sister who was only 11 years old had her life changed into a nightmare. While every little girl in her circle enjoyed the reality of getting their hairs decorated with beautiful colored beads hanging at the tip of innocently woven cornrows on their heads, my sister had her hair scraped to its foundation with a large plaster supported with bulks of cotton wool underneath that gave it a really offensive shape, plastered in the middle of her head.

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“Uju, is the plaster showing? If I put the handkerchief like this, will people notice😪?” Not a day went by without my sister asking me these questions before she left for school. But unfortunately, her cover of shame with the handkerchief was always short-lived by her insensitive teachers who scolded her every time in class affirming that the handkerchief was not part of their uniform, thus ordering her to remove it. This exposed her to undiluted mockery from her classmates.

mental break down in kids

She lost her esteem completely. She often told me that during break hours, her classmates would draw a large pie head on the board and label it “Maureen’s head”. They would playfully dissect it trying to find X. Sometimes they’ll even come too close to sightsee her head to make sure they had a proper illustration, also chanting “Find X on Maureen’s head”. If you can’t beat them you join them yeah? She found herself too embarrassed to pick a slot to engage them in laughing at her pain. Oftentimes she’ll pretend to be asleep in class, deliberately missed assemblies by hiding in the toilet, and worst off preferred to get her ass whopped at the gate for coming late.

Read: Social Hiccups and the Flipside of Mastering Avoidance

Imagine a child of 11 years old in JS1, losing her confidence and having a psychological breakdown in a world that ought to be fair to her at least at that stage of her life. To date, my sister still has the scar (almost invincible now) on her head. And the psychological scar? She’s still insecure about the shape of her head, she believes she’s got the biggest head to ever say hello to planet earth, one even mightier than watermelons. You can’t tell her otherwise, she’s vowed never to cut her hair again for any reason whatsoever. 

I know you’re wondering what exactly led to a change of story for my sister’s head, well it all started with her trying to untangle a relaxer burn while losing her hair, and tada, she ended up uprooting her entire scalp. A sad tale that still haunts her to this day!

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Learning to Wade Through My Childhood Trauma
Source- Blac.media

AN AGONIZING THREAD

I got unfairly surrendered by nostalgia over my sister’s story while scrolling through Twitter and saw a tweet by @demigodgeous which read “I remembered in JS2, I was voted 2nd ugliest person in the class. I was pretending it didn’t hurt me, but it did. It did.” My emotions were suddenly gripped by the sad-toned voice of my sister, how she often said to me “secondary school was the worst stage of my life. The worst place to be, everyone is fake and insensitive including the teachers”.

Then I moved over to the comments, a lot of the responses pierced my emotions more. I couldn’t resist a few screenshots…

childhood scars and revenge
Source- Teststar.in

“In the drama club, they needed someone to act as satan; the intro tech teacher who’s the coordinator and supposedly a child of God nominated me and explained that imagery and representation matters a lot and they have to use someone that’s close enough to cast the role”– @DrikejioforP

Read: Our Names and the Nickname Disease

“Reminds me of an experience in primary school where I was paraded in front of the whole school during assembly as having the worst set of teeth. I had fallen down a flight of stairs some months earlier and that hurt my teeth. Tried explaining to my teacher o. But No, this woman paraded me in front of the whole assembly talking about “This is what happens to your teeth when you don’t brush it. Do you want your teeth to look like hers?” Everyone shouted “No”, of course. I did not forgive my teacher for many years for doing that to me”- To_Lisah

“I remember my classmate saying I was so ugly that he would marry me and keep me at the door so that anytime he comes back from work and sees my face, he would laugh”- @BLAQ1E

“I hated my lips in secondary school! A classmate accused me of having big lips, and used to push her mouth forward to make fun of me! It was so painful, I hated my lips so much…I wished I could reduce it!! But my God, look at the sumptuous lips now”- @Pweetiedivine1

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“I have had a missing incisor for about 5 years now, I was in SS2 when I had the accident. I recall going to school and everyone laughed at me when I opened my mouth to speak saying I looked like a vampire. To date, that tooth has not been fixed and people still laugh or stare when they see me. That has really lowered my level of confidence in myself. I can’t even take a picture smiling and I hate meeting new people”- @Airfay_69

O, boy! How were kids able to stomach so much hurt? How is it that the kids were so disconnected from the pain their fellow kids felt?

dealing with childhood scars

I WAS A NIGHTMARE TOO

And then my emotions are catapulted to every ounce of hurt I made Yemisi Sonuga go through. Ooo Yemisi, damn! I was in JSS 1, boarding house, and this girl, I just could never bring myself to empathize with her. For obvious reasons, I guess it was because she wasn’t like the rest of the girls I wanted in my corner. Secondary school and cliques are like bread and butter, it makes the whole essence worthwhile. And if you gotta keep a clique, you have to make sure to come correct. 

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Yemisi was too odd but her admiration for me made her yearn for closure. I saw her as too clingy, it pissed me off. She had natural brown-colored teeth which at the time felt disgusting to look at and nearly every time she spoke, spit splattering was sure. I couldn’t deal. Well not only me, the rest of the girls too. No one wanted her. We often mocked her brown teeth and made sure she cried before we stopped. The only time she was good for us was helping us fetch our buckets or go on those long errands. Of course, she always obliged as it made her feel among. Unfair to mention that she spent most of her time at the hostel in tears due to frustration from us.

childhood scars in black kids

Yemisi couldn’t handle the heat, we resumed JSS 2 and it was announced she withdrew. Deep down my conscience was uneasy, I knew I had a hand in it but the bad side of my mind kept cheering me on with great relief!

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I never forgot her, her name, and what she looked like. Fast forward to after secondary school, I searched for her on Facebook, I found her and sent a connection request which she accepted. Her warm welcome brought me peace. She sent me a message on how life has been, not bad, not perfect. But reading in between the lines of her messages, I was able to uncover that she still had that attached admiration for me. She was still hung on to what we could have been as friends. I didn’t know if to extend a hand of friendship or seek her forgiveness. I was too much of an egoistic coward to seek her forgiveness, I took solace in the fact that she might have never registered any of what I did as an offense. Should I have opened a chapter she might never acknowledged existed? Perhaps the forgiveness I sought was from my conscience, not her.

childhood scars

OOPS I DIDN’T HAVE IT ENTIRELY ROSY 

Ooo yes! I wasn’t one of those ‘crown to sole’ spotless kids in the neighborhood. I had my share of insecurities with malaria playing the unrepentant devil’s advocate in my life. As a kid, I often woke up with blisters on my lips even when I wasn’t ill. It will spread across causing sores that were distasteful to look at. I got mocked by my peers for having “hot water lips”. The cold sores happened too often to not leave scars and I’ll never forget a certain boy who said to me “why are your lips like this? Don’t you know it will deter kissers”. The nerve though, like it was my making. 

Read: Addiction Is Not as Straightforward as You Think

For a long time, I felt insecure about my lips which also got mocked for being big, and yeah yeah my teeth. The incisors appeared bigger than the rest after all my milk teeth bit the dust. I couldn’t laugh at will without getting called “big teeth”. Now, I still suffer a bit of the trauma, I don’t entirely find them cute.

childhood scars
Source- Everyday Health

ARE KIDS REALLY INNOCENT? 

As an adult now, I often ruminate on the nature of kids, and how cruelly insensitive they are. It’s often said that kids are the most innocent, I beg to differ, kids are brutal! I think of us as kids and I wonder how we picked bad habits in a world we haven’t lived so much in. Is it inborn? It’s interesting that as adults, we now play the sensitivity card.

Read: Am I the Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

Many of us still carry scars meted in our childhood. We’re grown now but will these childhood scars ever die? Going through that thread, some tweeps have accepted their hate for pictures because they believe they’re ugly. Some will never connect with old schoolmates because of the trauma. Some will forever hate their teachers. 

childhood scars bullying poster

Did you suffer a childhood trauma either in school or your neighborhood? Do you still carry the scar or have found your confidence? I’ll like to learn about how it all started and the social and psychological impact. Or were you the tormentor? Don’t be shy, the only shame you’re allowed to feel is if you still have those demons dancing with your spirit. 

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Also, I’ll ask again, are kids really innocent? They say writing is therapy, perhaps we might find the closure we desire letting it all out in the comment section. Kindly leave your comments below 🤗👇👇

 

 

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8 min read

“All these feelings you’re feeling is a cry out from your inner self for its freedom and peace. You need what you need and it won’t stop until you give yourself what you need. But what happens when your only hope is your job? Well, you can switch to a workplace or job that’s less consuming of yourself and time while you wait for your own thing which may not be so easy. My advice is to cry out to your spirit asking for something to be done.”

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Lately, I feel I’ve been living on borrowed life, yesterday felt like I had one last straw from it. I was brain dead, a collision occurred in my brain that generated so much fog, I couldn’t process anything. I was in a training meeting with my boss via Whatsapp call and for a very long time in forever, I met that terrified child again. That terrified child who was scared to death of mathematics and several attempts of learning and scoldings from the teacher proved abortive. 

maths anxiety
Source- Medium

“Is this the life I want to live? Is this what I really want to spend my days doing? Talking to clients? I don’t even have my own time, now this?!” While I had zoned into oblivion from the step by step and back and forth training wherein I had made countless mistakes, these questions bugged my mind. My heart felt so sore and my eyes filled with tears, and to maintain relevance and communication throughout the meeting, all I could mumble were weak “yeahs and yeses”, for the times she either asked, “Doris are you following?” “You get this right?”.

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My body graduated to rioting, it could no longer take it. It felt like a moment with an oppressor, where they cross the thin line and you’re torn between blowing up or utilizing the respect reserved for them to save sanity. I was on the verge of screaming “You know what! FUCK IT! I QUIT!” because what are all these? However, despite the rage inside me, I still couldn’t morsel the courage. I decided to seek courage elsewhere by sending a message to two of my friends; “What if I quit my job today?” I texted.

Don't Rush To Quit Your tormenting Job

While one didn’t show up at my rage party, the other responded “Aww damn. Sorry honey, I hate to see you pissed. Can you wait small and not do it this minute? Please babe, I just wanna be sure the decision is not solely fuelled by your present frustration. Surely you will leave the job, I’m just trying to be wary of the timing for you. Sorry babe. I can tell you aren’t happy. Or is there anything about the job that I don’t know?”

At This Point

At this point, I knew courage would not be found, especially not in the way that I want it. That moment where you’re hoping someone could be your pillar in making a decision, so it feels a little better, but they don’t feel it like you do, hence courage is lost in space. There’s this thing I do when my circle of friends is not telling me what I want to hear, I seek the advice of a total stranger or someone at arm’s length from my circle. 

tormenting job

“Hey Sydney, at what point did you quit your job?” I sent him a mail. Sydney is one of my pals on Naked Minds, we got vibing when I wrote a story about how distressed I felt working. The quoted statement at the beginning of this post is a snippet from his response. I felt relieved, however, although coming face to face with the truth he said, I still couldn’t find the courage to quit. I managed to suppress the teardrops from my inner self, but for how long?

 

How I Got Here

I lost a very toxic job thanks to the pandemic, although I didn’t see the blessing until much later. Yeah, you’ll definitely go broke losing a job but surprisingly, it didn’t bother me as much cause all I was concerned with was making peace with my inner self, which I eventually found and cherished. I finally won the fight against imposter syndrome and not having to see my beastly boss project her insecurities. It was a good peace feeling, I had time for Muttering Minds and was able to nurture it to a large extent and I remember saying to myself  “Mehn! This is it! I don’t think I want a job again, I just want to grow it here till something financially positive begins to manifest.”

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tormenting job patience image

I vowed not to be bound by any organization again, I could take up freelancing but not as a full staff, that was how contented I felt. But you see, contentment also has a way of downplaying your comfort zone, at a point, it starts to look like ‘see finish’ and you begin to want more. I ran out of cash to sustain myself and my needs and rather than say a prayer for fuelled patience, I cried to my creator for a new job. 

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This new job involves writing too, not the type that I entirely love but for the sake of money, I accepted. Maybe you got a wrong impression about my boss due to my frustrated analysis but nah, she’s the best I’ve found so far, my inner self is only being itself by rebelling against the things that it hates.

tormenting job work from home

Although I work from home, it has gotten even worse than leaving my house. Working from home is a lowkey scam! It involves so much encroaching on personal time. One thing that upsets me so much about the workplace is that it is fast becoming like the school system. Bosses make everything mandatory and feel they can switch you from one role to another, bending you against your will to multitask. Why am I mandated to do a presentation at work? Why am I hired to write and then, later on, made to joggle that with marketing? I couldn’t wait to be out of school cause everything came from an angle of force, not passion, now the work system oozes just the same way and I hate it. 

It’s often classified as a part of learning new skills, well hello! I’m not interested, these things kill my brain especially when I’m not passionate about it. I am content with being a writer and excelling at it. I am not someone who plays the jack of all trade because I want to be woke in all ramifications. It’s okay for me not to know some things, I’m open to brief learning here and there whilst dedicating full time to perfect the things I’m really passionate about. Is anything wrong with this?

tormenting job passion

But unfortunately, my boss wouldn’t let me breathe. She sees it as a weakness to not know everything. The difference between my previous work and this one is that when I started off with the previous, I was passionate about it, despite several mistakes that would make me cry and question my worth, I was still willing to give it a shot, I was still willing to give in my best and eventually I got better, better enough to be among the best writers. I left because the workload started to impede my creativity, I was working from a tired point every time, and to save the remaining creative juice I had left, I took advantage of the pandemic. 

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Now this job involves writing and consulting for clients. Writing I can take but consulting is so much. It’s not a career path I’m interested in, except the writing aspect which is even not as interesting as I love. Is it too much to ask your boss to streamline your work roles? Contemplating these roles makes me sick and it’s made me develop anxiety lately. 

work anxiety

How I Feel & Why I’m Scared

I am a creative who’s suddenly found herself in a dark box, my craving for free will is not making it easier. I function better when I work at my pace but unfortunately, life hasn’t presented me with many options.

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My phobia for having an empty pocket is what makes me betray my inner self by not letting go despite the pressure. I know my inner self will cry again, I know I’ll suppress her for the umpteenth time, but for how long? The rope keeps getting thinner and thinner and it’ll cut one day. I know. All I crave is a decent work role with defined timelines and very importantly, peace of mind. I hate anything that gives me anxiety, but my job is. The more I try to fit into these forceful shoes, I lose myself and I don’t even enjoy anything. I really want out but I’m more of a coward.

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Amid the dead bones, amid the brain drain, I’m cowardly carrying on till life presents me with a better option where I can finally live my full potential and make my inner self smile eternally.

Want Inner Peace? tormenting job

What Is Stressing You Darling?

The moment I figured April is stress awareness month, for a second I was pissed because I thought that we should be more vocal about it like we do for other awareness days. But I guess because it has no ingredient of love in it like the trivial boyfriend and girlfriend’s awareness day lol, that’s why it’s overlooked.  

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I am fucking stressed about a few things but the one thing at the top of the food chain is my job, this is because it’s crept so much into my personal life and leaves me with no choice. I decided to be vocal about it here, not with hopes that I might find a grand solution, but there’s a certain magic attached to opening up, you might not get the exact solution you’re looking for, but it places you at an almost accurate point of relief. Writing these lines made me feel better for some reason…

tormenting job

On this note, I’ll beckon that you do the same. What’s stressing you out darling? Is it a tormenting job? Your relationship, marriage, family, friendship? etc. I’m craving your vulnerability on this one, let it all out in the comment section. The idea is to make this post a ‘vent room’, for us to let out the most bothersome thing and frustration in our hearts. I could give you an advice or two, and from reading mine, feel free to give advice too. And if you find a similar situation you broke free from relayed by a fellow commenter, feel free to offer your advice.

Shall we darling? Please narrate sincerely in the comment section what’s stressing your life. 🤗👇👇

 

 

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7 min read

Whenever adult male virginity is raised in a conversation, there is usually an expected glare of surprise, and a dominating culture shock filling the atmosphere. Like Jeeeezzzzz it’s almost impossible to believe that even a day-old male child is a virgin, talk more of an adult. Losing virginity for the male folk has always been an ego massager and a level of bragging rights. Typical Nigerian parlance, you’ll often hear guys bant  “You don fuck girl before?”, or a not so diplomatic mockery from a fellow man to another, “Why you dey behave like virgin”, which in the actual sense means “You ought to be smart”. Isn’t it ridiculous that there seems to be an almost generalized assumption that male virgins are not smart? It also sounds absurd that for a man to be well respected, he must have had sex with a lady, and the higher the body count, the higher the respect accorded him. 

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Do men even understand what it means to wait? Unlike we women whereby virginity is used as a social construct to tame us, you know how we ladies especially as teenagers fondly gushed with these lines “I’ll like to wait till marriage”, “I made an oath with God that I wouldn’t lose my virginity until marriage”, “My virginity is sacred”, and so on. It’s almost impossible to find a man that upholds any of these and even if he exists, he mostly lacks the confidence to be vocal about it, I’m sure you know why.

male virginity
Source- Essence

Maybe I’m Wrong…

So a few years ago I met this dude who I vibed with so much and you know how youthful exuberant-inclined conversations play out, both parties are always curious about the other person’s sex life. And boom he hit me with the “I’m a virgin” line and also went ahead to preach chastity. The only logical question I could ask him was “Are you a virgin for lack of opportunity or it’s a decision?”  He maintained that it’s his decision and went all preachy about the spiritual implication of having sex. Well well, he was 25-years-old at the time and four years down the line, he’s lost his virginity at 29. Finding out, I said to him “Dude you know what, I need you to share your experience on your long spanned virginity on Muttering Minds. Male virginity is a topic that should be explored”. Thankfully he agreed…

adult male virginity
Source- Life Hacker

His Story…

Despite losing my virginity at a very shocking age (29) for my gender, sex still remains a very sacred act to me. Can’t deny I had sexual fantasies as a teenager which I think is normal, but I grew up in a religious home where rather than attending to my fantasies, it was only wise to follow the status quo which was being chaste. My mother did a good job of making sure we followed suit. 

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However, getting to my 20’s, I started knowing girls on a deeper wavelength and the urges naturally came. I had my share of wet dreams too and most mornings I woke to sperm splatter all over my briefs and sometimes an erection. I also watched porn sometimes but never masturbated instead I indulged in some freaky shit when in close corners with ladies like kissing, smooching but it never led to ejaculation or sex. I was careful because I had read about the spiritual implications, like diseases, bad luck, ancestral curses and so on that can be transferred through sex, so waiting felt like the right thing to do. It was also a personal decision too, I did not want to tie my soul with anyone that will not be my wife.

Male Virginity
Source- Cooglife

I was not vocal about my virginity, I was not shy about it either because I understood it was not easy to stay chaste, so I didn’t rub it on a fornicator’s face. I didn’t boast about it either and I also was not ashamed of it when asked. And even when I met guys who boasted about their sex life, I never felt intimidated at all because I knew they don’t really know what they are engaging in. For my female friends, I always gave and still give advice on how not to get exploited or abused sexually. 

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Despite being vocal about my virginity when I could, I was never a turn-off for ladies, rather they found it attractive. They often said “who will pop you? She must be lucky bla bla bla…” Matter of fact, male virgins are always attractive to the female folks, they smell the pheromone from afar, and find it very sexually attractive. 

The History of Pheromones | male virginity
Source- Hankering For History

I lost my virginity because of my girlfriend, I had starved her for many years sexually, so I decided that when I will eventually have sex with her will be closed to getting married to her. But unfortunately, we didn’t get married again. My first sex felt good and worth it, although I cummed quick and felt like an amateur, subsequently, I learned the science… “before I cum, I make her cum, that’s what I came to do”

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And of course, I will be elated to marry a virgin. There is a special blessing attached to that. It’s ideal to meet your husband or wife as a virgin. Though society makes it look wack, it doesn’t mean it’s not a virtue. My advice for both genders is to stay sealed. Keep your virginity till you find the right partner. There are so many benefits to staying chaste. There is no benefit in promiscuity. None!! 

male virginity
Source- Vice

 

HMMMMM

I’m guessing you poked some areas in his story or maybe not. Well, we both know that his opinion is rare especially judging by the evolvement of the world where chastity doesn’t make the news. I remember a conversation with a pal on Naked Minds, he asked me what sex meant to me and I told him sex was sex to me and it upset him. He felt I wasn’t being open enough. To date, I often wonder what he expected me to say. I must be frank, the whole spiritual attachment to sex seems scary, and due to not wanting to overthink it, I resolved some time ago to see sex as a mere scientific face valued activity for reproduction or pleasure. 

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Come to think of it, why is it that virtually all adult virgins on planet earth indulge in one form of sexual activity or the other, some very intense like blowjobs and sucking boobies. I have never met a completely chaste virgin why??? I tag it fraudulent. If you want to be chaste, then be it in all forms! 

msle virginity
Source- GQ

On this note, I have some pertinent questions I’ll like to pick your brains on. Do you agree that sex is more spiritual than scientific? Please share your reasons.  However, just like he exists, I am certain there are some other male virgins out there and I’ll really love to hear varying opinions. If you’re a male virgin reading this, I’m curious to know, how vocal are you about your non-sexual life? Has it been a case of waiting for you or lack of opportunity and inferiority complex? 

Now, to non-virgin males, prior to losing your virginity, did you understand the concept of ‘waiting’ or you were only eager to know what the cookie tasted like?

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Also, it’s ironic that my friend said ladies found it attractive he was a virgin, I know for certain, most men avoid ladies who are virgins for mostly fear of blood and lack of performance, I would have sworn ladies avoided men too. To the ladies reading this, what’s your opinion about male virginity? Can you date a guy who’s a virgin?

I know its so many pointers in one story, but we can discuss, right😊? Please leave me your honest comments below 👇👇.

 

 

 

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9 min read

Dear mum, do you sometimes feel like my social life is ruined because of the man you married? I see it in your eyes, whenever you talk about some specific kids my age, the opportunities they get, and how you wish one of your kids will at least catwalk in similar shoes. You want more, I see it but for the most part, you’re scared you would never get it. The entirety of your wanting more is for your kids and you’re too scared to admit that things could have been more bliss but for the glitch in parenting. I know deep down when you have your sober reflections, you cut a larger piece of the blame for yourself. You detest the social awkwardness your children suffer but unfortunately, it is who we are now. Don’t be too hard on yourself mum, or fault the stricken strictness of your husband, I must confess, I’ve grown to enjoy the beauty of my personhood, I’m entertained by my baby steps even in adulthood.

Dear Mum
Source- Curly Nikky

Why worry about my love life mum? Did you expect I would have tied the knot so easy? You did I know, and it’s a shame. How do you plant corn seeds and expect to reap big tubers of yam? Every time you say “Ujunwa you must marry o, onye amuru na amu ibe ya (He that is birthed must birth)”, I get attracted to the frustration that strengthens the tone of your voice and the confused rotation of your eyes. You hate my nonchalance towards marriage I know, hence me making sure my first response is usually “Na so” (a payback maybe). Even though you emphasize my age, I know it’s the least of your worries. You’re scared something is wrong with me psychologically, you regret not creating a bond between us from inception. Well, I used to be a lot in my feelings when I was much younger about this, especially when I hear someone say “My mum is my best friend”, I lowkey hated them for having what I could never have, but along the line, I figured it’s still surreal to have best friends who are not mums. 

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dear mum
Source- Proverbs 31

Hmmm, mum, you mean to tell me that one day, I’ll have to foot the bills of my kids as you and Dad do? Scary shit! I think of you sometimes and I wonder how rich you’ll have become if you didn’t birth any kids. “Mummy this! Mummy that! Mummy this” from every corner of the home even down to the extended family. When I was younger, I was lowkey scared, I thought you needed help psychologically because there was rarely a time I’ll barge into your room and not find you talking to yourself. “Watch mummy, she’s always talking to herself”, I once hinted at my sister frightfully, but the she-goat wasn’t as sensitive. Reminiscing on those moments as an adult, now I can relate. The bills were so overwhelming, I bet you cried your eyes silly sometimes but stupid me always bragged to my friends in high school about how rich my parents are. It’s not my fault, there was not one thing I asked that you didn’t make sure was provided, even when dad reiterated how trivial it was, you made sure I and my siblings got it.

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I had never felt so much guilt spending your money until the conversation we had some time last month and you openly said your salary before you retired banking was N120,000. What!! I held myself throughout the gist and amid the laughter, I was breaking inside and that night I suffered a lack of sleep and shed a few tears thinking about you and how much dad’s salary would have been too because he was also a banker. The salary you used in sustaining a home was my first job salary which I considered too small, I still cannot imagine how you were able to send 5 kids to good schools, clothing, feeding, etc. I regret tripling my school fees and money for handouts, I guess I was influenced by my brother who one time said to me “Anything they ask you to pay for in school, better double it, mummy and daddy have money, they’re just pretending”. For some reason, these words stuck with me through university, If I had known how much you were earning I swear I would have been considerate.

dear mum
Source- Alpha Image

The Sex Conversation

Another thing I’ll be shocked to find out is if you still have sex mum. I watch you and sometimes your eyes tell that you’re unhappy for some key reasons yet you run with the bias that “mothers are supposed to keep the home, and not show fragility!” I see how you smile watching your favourite sitcom, ‘The Johnsons’, especially the hilarious lovey-dovey scenes of the couple characters Emu and Lucky. You wish you could share love gestures like that with your husband huh? I know. Do you still have sex? I doubt. I figured you got tired of wanting some things and adjusted, now you’re such a good actor who suffers a romantic awkwardness with her husband. I wish we could have a sex conversation, I long to know your definition of a spark and your fantasies about marriage. It’s glaring there’s a lot you hide in those cupboards locked in your eyes.

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I know you’re eager to know if I’m sexually active too but you’re not sure if my answer will break or merry your heart. You could have asked during the Vagina pills conversation, but you blew your shot by feigning ignorance as usual. Well, I suffered genophobia for decent years and all I needed were the words of a mum or better put, my mum, holding my hands and saying summarily to me “It’s not that deep”

Genophobia dear mum
Source- Deviant Art

 

The Death Conversation

I hate how brutally honest you’re with death, although you’re dramatic when you cry over death, yet your move on is superb. When I lost my close friend Blessing and always cried my eyes out and got scared to sleep, I hated how you handled it. “You better stop crying, your friend has left this wicked world and you’ll leave one day too”, despite admitting you’ve never seen me that broken yet you refused me succour. You said the bitter truth though but still…you made me question your tendencies of being heartless especially when I hinted at seeing her in my dream and you quickly rebuked it. I went on to ask if you’ve seen your late father in the dream and with a much covered up hostile tone, you responded  “What for? My father is resting peacefully, only dead people who are bad are seen in dreams”. This tops the list of  the ignorant things  you’ve ever said.

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If you die today Mum, I’ll still love to host you in my dreams just to have you echo my name, and annoy me with silly chores like calling me on the phone to help you get something from the fridge even though you’re seated literally at arm’s length from the fridge. I’ll still love to see you for sometime mum. You’re right about the need to move on after death, I just hate your approach in telling it.

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donate a penny muttering minds

A Few Yet Huge Lessons

You are not among the most popular or powerful women in the world, not every mum is. We might not have had any tangible mother-daughter conversation, it doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything from you. I have learned so much. Ooo boy! You’re a fervent preacher of ‘Savings’, although I somewhat hate how you preach it harshly and remind me of impending sufferings if I do not adhere. I know you think I’m a dummy in this aspect but ever heard of the saying “Never tell your parents how much you’re earning and how much you’ve saved”? Don’t be scared, I have some little saved. And your trenchant wit quote “Not having money is a sin” has become my mantra too, again don’t be scared, I wouldn’t end up poor.

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I learned the beauty of  “Support being reciprocal” from you. When I observed that sometimes the blended tomatoes in the house is sometimes sour and other times sweet. I asked why and you opened up about rotating two different sellers. I complained that you ditched the bad tomato seller but you told me it wasn’t possible because both women buy from you. You added that support is reciprocal and that even if it meant having to eat not too good tomatoes for a week, you’ll bear it. Since that conversation mum, I make sure to support every friend’s business who reads my blog as much as I can. However, in an attempt to practice rotating among my two cloth vendor friends who are dedicated readers of my blog, like the bad tomato seller, one served me shitty customer service, to date, I have not gotten my dress. My encounter is not to nullify your lesson on support but opens my eyes on the unreliable nature of some folks.

lessons from my dear mum
Source- Purpose Focus Commitment

*******

Dear mum, most of the words written here are the conversations I wish we could have or you should know. This should be the right opportunity but unfortunately, you don’t read my blog. No, I’m not pissed, I promise. I only feel it’s a subconscious tit for tat as I hate to unhook your bra on most occasions. No hard feelings, only that you mostly show up when I’m having a not-so-good time.

ABOUT YOUR MUM

Last week was mother’s day and before it,  I’ve been asking some close friends when exactly is Mother’s day cause I know there’s usually an established confusion with the dates, all thanks to varying church denominations. I had prepared pointers for this story some months ago and felt having it published on Mother’s Day would be great but how unfortunate, I missed the rapture. I was amused to see “happy mothers day mum”, on almost everyone’s story last Sunday and went on to query my friend Bubu for not keeping me abreast. Her hilarious response via chat was “Who you blame? This one is not acknowledged on Google, they said this one na pentecostal mother’s day, catholic’s own is still coming, then the one that is recognized worldwide is on its way too”.

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Hmmmmm, rather than miss the next and even the next, I decided to have this post come up today because there’s every likelihood that I’m gonna be caught unaware the umpteenth time. Do you know the recognized date for Mother’s day?

Mother's Day letter
Source- Learned English

Anyway, I want us to talk about our mothers today, not in the cliche way that we’re fond of, for instance “My mum is the best mum in the world”, you know that’s a fallacy right? I want this version of describing mums to be real, vulnerable, and unique. Those little and big bits you’ve observed about your mum, those words you wish you could say, conversations you should have had, let’s talk! Telling some sides of the story will most definitely hurt you, or make you tear up like I did when writing this, but I want you to be vulnerable in telling. If your mother is late or peradventure you were abandoned as a child, I urge you, don’t feel left out, please share. I’m sure you have memories and if not, there are still some things you wish you could say to them. Feel free.

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Like you’ve read mine, please leave yours in the comment section so we can all learn. You might not be able to write as long as I did, but I’m sure you can pick an intense part of the narrative to relay. So shall we👇👇.

 

 

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9 min read

Brushing my fingertips round and about my pubic hairs spread across my pelvic and around the lips of my vagina on many nights I’ve lost count, it is such a sweet feeling I cannot explain🤤. I play with the hairs, untangle them whilst scrolling through Instagram feeds with my other hand or trying to put me to bed. You can’t tell me otherwise, this is the best self-inflicting lullaby in the world🛌. So unfortunate, babies do not have pubic hairs, I could have recommended this therapy for nursing mums. Lol, I bet you just pictured a baby having pubic hairs🤣. At times I shave and I’m angry cause there’s nothing to hypnotize me in bed for the next two weeks🥲. How funny, Sometimes I forget I cleared the lawn, I happily dip my hands in my panties only to have my fingers walk on a distasteful bald head, yuck! What a bad night for the cut😒!? Shaving is no doubt sexy but I’ll rather not a clean one, trimming is my holy grail🤤. Ps. this does not apply to my underarm😑.

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I feel it’s absolutely normal to itch your pelvic region and smell it. I’m always eager to know what it smells like😴. I hate the hypocrisy on social media, remind me of that Big Brother Naija housemate who was caught on camera digging for some gold down there and went ahead to smell the roses afterward😂. He attracted so much mockery for doing something normal. Best believe for every 9 out of 10, whenever my fingers find themselves in my pelvic, once they’re out, I sniff😇. I want to know what I smell like always, I want to know how awful or sweet,  if they need more work or you know😉. How do I present a feast I have no idea how it tastes to the sons of men to devour🤭? It’s like cooking for a guest without tasting it, how do you know if it needs more or less salt or maybe pepper? Let’s quit the pretense, please. Damn you! I also smell my panties most times when I take them off🙄.

pubic hair fondling
Source- E-quick

Sleep- You’ll mostly find me hugging my pillow or having it tucked in-between my legs when I’m asleep. And if I’m not sleeping stark naked, I’m either sleeping with only a polo on or wearing only my pants. And if push comes to shove with the weather, my pyjamas and hoodie comes to my rescue🛌.

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Love- Jokes on the big idiot who came up with the phrase “love don’t cost a thing”, such foolish talk😑! to please who if I may ask? Love costs many things for me, apart from time and money, I hate that it keeps me on my toes, sometimes I’m so grounded in work and for an entire six hours, I’ve forgotten I have a boyfriend😖. And my phone beeps, shit! This nigga beat me to it, I guess he just remembered he has a girlfriend too😂.

pubic hair dating meme

Family- This is where forced love takes seed in me. I wish I could tell everyone off on this tree sometimes, but I’ve grown to realize the way they are unbearable sometimes to me is the same way I am to them🥺. I’m so unclear to my family members, I’ve learned to save them the trauma of discovering who I truly am and I think it’s okay😊. The most important thing is that I fulfill my quota as a member and everyone does the same, this way we find happiness🤗.

pubic hairs

Kids- I’m ashamed to admit I got zero tolerance for kids🥴, the same way I react over an adult’s mistake of spilling water on the floor, is the same way I react when a kid does same😑. I feel like I need saving in this regard because I intend to  birth kids someday too😍.

pubic hair stand kids

Friends– I have a handful of close friends, lowkey I think they are angry at me for not picking a best😏. But picking a best will make me solely dependent on someone who thinks it’s okay to be foolish even at serious moments🤣. I often wonder why good friends first laugh at your misery before figuring how to help though. Also what if I pick a best friend who cannot provide me with all the solutions? Friendship should be treated like work too, just like we deliver on our areas of strengths at work, friendship should be the same😁. Don’t you dare stress my brain! You ought to have several options to run to.

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Dogs- I have two dogs and I wish they could talk, like real talk🗣. I figure I’ve made some wrong turns in life, I could use their advice because humans have failed me in this regard😖. I hate it when someone tries to mimic my dogs when they bark or say “shut up!” “stupid dog”, and then they project some boring laughter too, perhaps laughing at their own stupidity because I don’t get what’s so funny😖? Utterly disrespectful! How do you see a dog and resolve to insults and sometimes throw stones🥺? I often wish I could release my dogs for a chase so we’ll see who gets the last laugh😑. Whenever I hear tales that someone got bitten by a dog, in my mind I’m happy, dancing for joy🤣. Excuse me sir/ma, what did you do? I need to hear from the other party. Gosh! I really wish dogs could talk🥺.

dogs memes pubic hair
Source- Reddit

Colleagues- (Except for few exceptions) If we work in the same place, I find it offensive that you’re looking me up on social media🙄. Trying to know how crazy my family is or what’s off about my personality? Why though?? Why do you wanna know me?? The only business we should have is work, I play my part excellently and that’s it😐. Office get-togethers have got to be the sickest initiative to come into existence, now what?? Should I get drunk in front of you all and dance my titties out🙄? Hell no! You won’t even come as far as viewing my WhatsApp status, I block you if I have to save your number and if I on a day the Lord made find your status on my feed, you’re blocked immediately. Honey, I do not wish to know you on that level, okay?😶

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Nice- “I think you’re nice Uju, can we be friends?” For reasons best known to God, I still haven’t figured out why I hate being classified as “nice”🤣. I feel the word holds so much sentiment and shouldn’t be used in describing anyone.  Ps. I’m not nice! don’t put me on that pedestal because by the time you see a fraction of my craze, you’ll feel like you’ve betrayed yourself and that shit hurts🧐. The word ‘nice’ messes so bad with my brain to a grave extent that if you ever say to me “I need you to meet *****, he’s a nice man”, I swear, I’m not meeting them🙄. And then when I ask you “how’s my outfit?”, you respond “It’s nice”, I automatically conclude you lack the core ingredients of being human, you should be a paper bag or something😪.

nice guy synrome pubic hair
Source- Reddit

Food- Work comes first for me, for a fact, if I’m not getting a task right, I don’t see why I should eat🧐. Sometimes I feel my stomach groaning for help but my coconut brain is trying to finish up a task first so I plead with my stomach to plead with my brain to come through so that we all can be happy😁. Food tastes so much better for me when my mind is fulfilled on a task👍.

Sweets- I chew sweets the moment they land their feet on my tongue, Do you lick or chew sweets? Do people really lick sweets? Do you? 🤔

Looks- Not my client getting thrilled after visiting this website (Muttering Minds) and affirming he wouldn’t pay me my balance until he sees what I look like. Must be crack right😏? What is it with people and wanting to know how I look? Enjoy the conversation dammit😑! I prefer to commune via chats (mails especially) with people I don’t know from adam, I don’t care to imagine how or what they look like. You soil the relationship the moment you ask to see what I look like😑. Don’t ask! I’ll randomly send you jpegs on my very good days, be patient😂.

i didn't ask, I don't care pubic hair

Phone Calls-  I slightly get irked or really irritated whenever my phone rings especially if I’m not expecting a delivery😒. More than half the time I don’t pick up, I find myself contemplating a thousand and over reasons why you must be calling me😏. Text is better, it lessens my anxiety. The most annoying thing is calling me when my phone’s hotspot is connected to my laptop☹, now I how to wait for your call to stop before I continue working, the audacity! My mum is guilty of this, I’ve pleaded with her several times to call me preferably on Whatsapp if she must but no, African parents make the rules🤦‍♀️. She rings my phone for every reason in the world, sometimes she calls me just to tell me how she doesn’t understand why my dad is not picking her calls and that I should check if he’s home, I figure my dad is tired too🤣. I enjoy phone calls sometimes though, but that’s rare.

pubic hair I hate phone calls

STUPID STATEMENTS/ QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK

“In no particular Order”- I automatically conclude you’re a blatant liar the moment you say this before calling out names. The first few names you called are the ones most important to you; they wouldn’t come first in your head if they aren’t, so quit lying through your teeth😑.

“Kindly follow back”– Hellooo!!! I’ve seen you followed me and that’s on you🙄. Now can you let me decide if to follow back or not? Is it supposed to be blood for blood🙄?

“Are you good in bed?”– How do you expect me to know? So dumb! 😖 You should ask people who’ve had their share of the cake. Besides its relative, what’s good for them might be bad for you🙅‍♀️.

pubic hair crush memes

“Do you have a crush?”- I’m sorry I cannot relate🙄, especially with how people describe what their crushes do to them. I am not possessed please🤣🤣.

“What’s your best color?”- If I’ve ever given you an answer to this question, I was only trying to curtail your leeching curiosity🤣. I do not have a best color, yellow can look good on a tee but very alarming on my feet. It depends on the item really. If you have a favorite color you are a cow🤣🤣

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“Can you do me a Favor?”- Do you expect me to say no upfront☹? Don’t start a conversation with me on these lines, go ahead and say what you want, and then leave my capacity to be the judge😐.

pubic hair- can you do me a favor

NOW PICK THE BATON!!

Sure you’ve been wondering what kind of individual wears such a weighty personality🤣🤣. Well, that’s me and I may be pleased to meet you too🤭. This week  I took time to think introspectively about my personality, especially these bits. I realize that they go a long way in defining my personhood😄. I thought of sharing it with you all, with high hopes that you’ll check my list or cross them😁. It’s a long list I know, but I’m curious to ask, do we share some traits at least😅? Tell me what and what we have in common😉, and which of them leaves you in shock🤣🤣.  You can also add more to your list even the ones I didn’t state. I’m somewhat happy I got to write this so that whenever someone harrasses me with the “tell me about yourself” question, I’ll just pull up with this link🤣🤣🤣. God bless their aching souls they hate reading 🤣🤣🤣.

As usual, I’ll kill a roach to have your comments so please, indulge me. Tell me about you too and how connected we are in the comments section. 😄👇👇

 

 

 

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7 min read

The muscles on my thighs vibrate, hanging halfway in the air whilst his pelvic pounds hard on mine as they position rightly between them. My hands are spread apart like a crucifix and my fingers at both sides yearn to grab bits of the bedsheet for support amid the intense movement of his joystick in and inner my vagina. I’m on a cloud nine gasping for air on a missionary 5.0 journey, my moans filled the room, not sure what words my lips call “ummmmh moooahhh ahaaa haaa”,  I bite my lips softly too.

My ears and face are greeted warmly by his breath rush; he’s still hitting hard on my inner walls like he needs to unlock a new limit. He’s lost in the moment, never seen him this vulnerable at the mercy of every region my body holds. How do I get him to stop? This is surreal! But I love to be the one on top you know, moving my waistline celestially while his project overwhelms me beneath with beautiful strokes.  “Aaahhh ummm…stoppp baby…aaahhh”, I moaned unclearly, and whilst still in, he looks at me seductively in the eyes, withdraws his dick two inches away, and starts sucking intensely on my tits. Oh gracious me, what have I done to warrant this sweetly heavenly gift on a platter?! No matter what mood I’m wearing, I’ll kill to have my aurelia pampered, my nipples sucked, pinched, and bitten softly. Forget the clitoris; my tits’ my g-spot!

Read: My First Sex Experience; Take Back Home
valentine's sex
Source- XNXX

Ooh dammit! My head clicked, it’s Valentine’s Day! Chris had mentioned on previous nights that he’ll go overboard to sweep me off my clit and here I am wondering if he is on some Viagra.  Never have I wanted more from a valentine’s sex. Finally, I feel a warm outpour inside me, awwwww, he’s gotten a valentine’s orgasm, yet he tries to morsel some more strokes but his dick melts softly and slips away from my vagina. “Good morning baby”, he says shortly after pecking me on the lips. “Happy Valentine’s sex mi lover”, I wore so much satisfaction in my face even though low-key I wished I was the one on top and also had an orgasm. But it’s no biggie, there’s an eternity for me to enjoy him scrubbing his carrot in my oven.

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My guts were so excited that morning I felt he had more up his sleeves but I couldn’t tell what and what exactly. Was he gonna propose? We had been dating for six months, he gets me and I think I do the same for him too. The sex he brings to the table’s so fiery, smiles on his face crossed the borders of perfection, and the way he cares about me, sometimes I’m prompted to ask “Baby are you Jesus?” I once read somewhere that every man should experience a fraction of heaven at least here on earth. Chris is my heaven and did I mention, he’s an exceptional cook, you should have a fill of his shrimp jollof rice or egg sauce with vegetables and cuts of mackerel, I promise you’ll want my man even though you’re a man. This is a fact!

cuddle naked on valentine's sex
Source- Pintrest

Still lying nude and wrapped in his embrace whilst my boobs pressed hard on his chest and kissing him, Chris stretched his left hand and opened the drawer by the side of the bed; he kissed my forehead and said “Open it baby”.  It’s an envelope, but what could be inside? I sat upright and pressed on the envelope with my fingers, trying to see if I could guess what was inside. Felt like a bunch of paper and my mind thought “O dear! Could it be money? Preferably dollars?” I poured the content on the bed and OMG! Complete papers for an all-expense-paid trip to Bora Bora!!

valentine's sex

I’ve always gushed about how much I craved relaxing at Matira beach and playing around its crystal clear waters and soft sand. He’s also an adventure lover who amongst many islands in the world has his mind more fixated on visiting the Dormant Volcano and Mount Otemanu for some challenging hiking. “Gosh! baby I love you so much!”…I couldn’t hold my excitement, it was the break I needed, I grabbed him by the neck and started to kiss him so hard yet passionately. Oh Chris, nothing more validates you’re more than my fraction of heaven on this earth that I live. Finally, I got my desired break, away from the backache that comes with slouching to write, away from the world but with my world Chris❤.

best place for valentine's sex

 

SNAPBACK TO REALITY😭

🤣🤣🤣🤣 This was me some nights ago romanticizing my thoughts on how I’ll love to celebrate valentine at least for a first🤭. I thought so deeply about these scenes and I said to myself “You know what? Since you have no idea what to post for Valentine, why not pen this?” I also figured it’ll be a good way to test my skills in writing some fiction sex story, not sure I’ve ever written fiction before. So be the judge, how did I fare? Good or? 

Hmmmmm about valentine’s day…am I the only one who has never had a proper valentine’s celebration before?💁‍♀️ I intended to do a “throwback to my first valentine” post and I reminisced on the past only to realize none of the memories hold water🥲. I asked my friend Nneoma if she could be a contributor to sustain a good story and she sent me a VN that fucking killed me with laughter🤣🤣🤣. “Ujunwa should I tell you the truth? You no go believe me if I tell you this thing o.” She went ahead. “I’ve never had a valentine’s gift, I’ve never had a valentine’s date. Most times I spend my valentine evenings in the church because we always have a program for the youths, you know all these relationship talks and stuff. I’ve never had a valentine’s date o😪, you know most times I no know whether dem swear for me o. Like this now, the guy I’ve been dating since August last year, Just January, he said it’s over. So you see, I’m cursed. Maybe by March, I’ll get another boyfriend as they always skip the February part. I’ve never had a valentine’s gift from anybody, not even a hello friend. Sha pray for me on that matter so that I go fit contribute to your valentine post next year”.

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before valentine's sex

Her response made me laugh so hard that at the end of it, I realized many of us had the same story too🤣🤣🤣. Last year was slightly different for me though, I got to exchange gifts with bae but that was after the pressure sunk into our guts. I’ve never been so aware of valentine until last year as I was one of those who felt the day doesn’t cut it. You know that very bullshit talk “Valentine is overrated, I can show my bae love anytime”, the blood of Christ🥺! I didn’t know it was my broke spirit clouding my judgment🤣🤣.

valentine's sex

But last year, from the workspace, I got depressed seeing all the lovey-dovey moves on social media and even in the office😔. “Are these ones mad? Bloody show-offs🙄🙄”, I cursed under my breath seeing my boss’s husband showing up at the office with surprise flowers and other eye-watering gifts for his wife🤣🤣. Also, my other colleagues received gifts, frankly, I wished I had superpowers to vanish my existence from the office that very minute. My heart was bleeding!!😪

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valentine's sex surprise

“Yes hello🙄,” I picked bae’s call rolling my eyes. He went talking about some other stuff that didn’t matter at the time. In my mind, I was like “Is it that this man lives on another planet for God’s sake😣! Doesn’t he have a phone? Can’t he see💁‍♀️!” Very likely he noticed I wasn’t sounding all excited, so after a while, he asked: “What would you love for valentine’s day baby”. There was a sudden leap in my heart, it screamed: “Thank you Jesus!!! the young man got sight after all”🤣🤣.

Read: Men Talk! How To Get Rid of Boners in Public

Normal ladies trick, I began beating around the bush like I do not already have a thousand and over screenshots of likely gifts from IG😅. Well to cut the story short, bae later opened up to me about not being a valentine’s person too but all he’s been seeing online made him question his existence🤣🤣. He had the mind of not getting me anything as he felt it didn’t matter to me too. “God saved you🙄”, I screamed in my mind as he narrated. And yessssss we got our gifts and this year also we’ve already gotten gift sets for ourselves too because we are both averse to going out on Valentine’s Day🤮. I totally hate the idea of everyone thinking I’m all out to fornicate on that day🤭, I’ll rather cuddle my pillow and of course watch all the love shenanigans on the gram😁.

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most memorable valentine's sex

How about you? Have you ever had a memorable valentine or you’re like my friend Nneoma🤭? Also like I narrated my valentine’s fantasy, do you have any you’re nursing too? It’ll be great if you share in the comments section. Common! Don’t hold back, I love to hear all about your valentine escapades and generally what you feel about Valentine😅. Leave me a comment baby.👇👇

 

 

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8 min read

And if you die, and all that happens is nothingness, how would you feel? My question is pointless because since it’s nothingness, you cannot feel anything. Your body lays in the wait; for a moment you’re still fresh, then you bloat, and thereafter metamorphose into active then advanced decay. How unfair, all you lived for was to end up becoming a bag of bones, six feet under the ground, if care is not taken, your graveside is shown no respect too as it becomes a stop, sit and gist hub for tired buttocks and wagging lips in the neighborhood. How unfair… let’s not even suffer further trauma by telling about those bodies whose fate lies at the mercy of pivotal and sometimes pointless scientific experiments. God forbid I end up a cadaver!

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Have you ever wondered what happens when you die? Well, I have many times, sometimes I think of it as a long sleep whereby I’m aware and struggle to wake like a comatose but I can’t and that becomes my eternal punishment. I sometimes see myself wandering in an open green field, waiting for a sunbeam in the skies, and then the voice of the creator chips in to tender a list of my sins and decides if I belong to heaven or hell (movies made this possible for my memory to create)

you die
Source- Reddit

 

My Personal Bias for Heaven and Hell

By birth and an average sense of thought, I like to believe that I’m a Christain but for as long as I’ve been familiar with the words heaven and hell, I’m unashamed to say despite all that I’ve read in the religious books, I still find the concept of hell absurd. They say the good guys who believe in Christ will make heaven but the good ones who do not know Christ will go to hell, likewise the bad ones. Hmmmmmm what if I’ve been good all my life but the circumstances surrounding my birth didn’t welcome me to christ? I mean if a person is born of atheist parents whereby they grow up not knowing anything about the church, yet very good at heart, does that mean they’ll make hell?

Read: Why Is God Planning to Eternally Tortue Many More

The world is too hard already, why do some of us have to suffer an afterlife of torment? Weeping? Wailing? Gnashing of teeth? Darkness? Burning? Everlasting punishment? And to say the peak, it’ll be beyond anything humanly imaginable. Why? I didn’t ask to be birthed but here I am, trying my best to make heaven. There are many things in the world I’ve been fashioned to fight for and death which is supposed to give my soul a blissful rest also has a prize attached to it?

you dieUsing the most basic example; as a baby, I had to win the race of learning how to walk, then I graduate to nursery school, learning the ropes of ‘how to come first’ in class, this doesn’t stop even in elementary where I still even had to ensure I passed my Common Entrance Examination. And in the secondary journey, there’s still the “come first in class” mentality. Then there is JAMB, and the university too… thereafter job hunting, which metamorphoses into a need to ‘come first in life’, be successful! Let’s not forget amid all these, other areas of life showcase themselves to break and shape me mostly without my will. You mean after all this hassle, I am not guaranteed heaven?

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you die

And then the people who commit suicide too, automatically wins an exclusive lounge in hell? A person who commits suicide wanted out of life’s rat race and hoped that their soul can finally rest but you mean to say hell becomes their comfort? Nah! It doesn’t make sense.

 

My Personal Bias For the Creation Story…

“If God didn’t want evil to exist, why did he create the tree of knowledge of good and evil?” I’ve asked a few of my religiously inclined friends this question severally but no one has been able to provide me with a soothing answer to run with. God knew what evil was, he could have created just a tree with no strings attached but he did this. Is it sage to say he is the origin of every evil existing in the world?

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you die angels singing

A friend responded to my question saying that God did not want a dictator relationship with man, thus blessing us with free will to choose good or evil. But I still think it’s absurd. Since he sees the end from the beginning, creating a tree for face value would have saved me from this backbreaking heavenly race. Everything on the earth should have been created good and we’ll still live our lives perfectly, after all, what I don’t know wouldn’t harm me. Better still, God would have just left all of us in heaven, singing praises to him.

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And then the prince of evil, the incredibly fallen angel…the devil…why does he have the fame of the earth? Couldn’t he have been crushed by God at the very foundation of his rebellion? I know a lot of Christians will defend this with scriptures indicating that the devil got nothing on a person so long as they have given their lives to Jesus, but I’ll still maintain that he shouldn’t have been featured on earth. Why was he not crushed? I mean crushed in the sense that man didn’t have to even know that he once existed at all. Then I’m also tempted to ask, how did the devil know too much to rebel against the almighty? how is it that seed of rebellion grew in his heart? Remember he was among the host of angels there before the tree of knowledge was created.

you die creation story

A Fault in the Book or…

“Okay so, do you believe in the rapture”, my friend Jules asked me the other day at the saloon and my response was “I do not care what the religious books say, my guts don’t believe it, so you mean to tell me a certain time will come and the soldiers for christ will ascend into heaven? Nah!” Jules requested that I read the book of revelation for more insight.

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The truth is I’ve done so in time past, but my guts won’t welcome it. There’s a way that my mind works, it works in a way that I trust over religion. My mind is a conscious yet subconscious selective reader of anything and this includes the bible. It reads every part and selects a truth to abide by and the rest that look like too much, it doesn’t let it take root. For a fact, I do not believe the world will ever come to an end, I believe birth and death will always occur and if there exist judgment, every man shall face theirs as soon as they die. I find it rather humorous that there will be an ascension of the so-called righteous ones and then the beast and his league torments the rest on earth. The whole concept of rapture makes me believe there’s a fault somewhere in the documentation of the bible, perhaps some group found it a worthy opportunity to test their imaginary skills.

rapture you die
Source-Bible.info

Likewise the questions I asked about the creation story, I feel it strongly in my guts that there’s a misrepresentation somewhere. A whole lot amiss and as a freethinker, I cannot help but poke.

Believe and Death…

I know you have one too many questions on your mind as you’re reading this and I presume the most dominant is “Does this writer believe in God?” Yes I do, I’ve felt him in too many to count instances in my life to not believe him. The most recent is praying to him to heal my dog who suffered a hematoma on her left ears. I couldn’t afford the vet bills and it pained me to see her groan in pain daily. She lost all the butterflies in her stomach, refused meals even her best meals, and grew weaker each day. I felt helpless, all I could do was pray to God and in about a few weeks, the hematoma burst open, thus relieving her of the pain. She’s better now.

you die dog hematoma
Source- Upland Ways

 

I know some vets reading this will say “ooooh well, that was bound to happen”…Hell yeah! That was God coming through for me. I enjoy my personal relationship with God, I believe in him too much, he lives in my mind and the love we share is not necessarily based on what the religious books say or what the man on the pulpit tells me to believe about him.

you die

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And then I think of death again…there used to be a time that I usually reasoned that it is unfair that I’ll one day have to die especially comparing myself to Methusela who lived 969 years on earth. Most of the unfairness I felt dwelt on the fact that I wouldn’t even live up to half his age on the earth. And one time, a question struck my mind “What will you be doing for that long on the earth? Are you not tired of the unending rat race already?” It dawned on me that death is the ultimate peaceful solution. Can you now see why the concept of hell irks me so bad? If truly there is a hell after, then the best option for me will be nothingness after death. I’ll prefer to be a bag of bones six feet under with no memory of the world or me than to land a place in hell. It’s either heaven or nothingness for me. But again, no one knows what happens when we die. I do not care what the religious book says, we haven’t heard live scores from anyone who died before concerning what it’s like. So until we die, fingers crossed.

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you die
Source- When You Die

I know when any topic on death or especially religion comes up, people see it as an avenue to argue tooth and nail. No! That’s not my aim for this story, I felt the need to voice these off my mind as it’s been burning for a long time now. On this note, I’ll like to ask you, do our minds correspond in any way? Or contradict as regards all I said? It will be a privilege to also hear your personal high held opinions concerning death, the afterlife, heaven and hell, and other celestial reservations you might have. Like I said, no arguments, just tell me how it really feels in the deepest below of your mind. Leave me a comment, please😶👇.

 

 

 

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9 min read

Love is patient, love is kind, it doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast blah blah blah…really?! And why is ‘Funny’ not included as a quality of love, and how about ‘Premium Tears’? 😭Enough with Corinthians already😪! This verse of the bible is more than enough reason for me to clench to my unpopular opinion that the bible was made for a certain people at a certain time on earth. And if you ask me, just like constitutions need amendment every once in a while, the bible does too but that’s not our topic for today😶. So breathe🙇‍♀️…

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How many people have you loved on this earth? No, excluding your family members and the platonic friendships you’ve had. I mean the love that felt like love and made you fantasize a happy ever after but unfortunately, your ship sunk in the Bermuda Triangle🤭, leaving you to lick your wounds whilst premium tears rolled down from your eyes😭. Isn’t love funny? one moment you think THIS IS IT! And the next moment you’re rehearsing OMO X 100000000🤣.

should you take back your ex?
Source- Cosmopolitan

I was talking to my friend the other day and one talk led to another and then he started to gist me about an old lover of his who suddenly showed up in his life after he announced his flamboyant engagement online🤣. She had a scroll of things to say, things she never said while they were dating, and even while the premium break up tears were still fresh😏. She had to wait 6,000 years, maybe she thought it would be better to report him to Jesus directly hence her remaining mute, but unfortunately for her, Jesus is still soon to come👩‍🦯.exes

Hmmmmm it dawned on me that we are similar, me and her, and likewise you, and many other folks out there🤫. I’ve dated a handful of boys and some men. I have seen myself happy in love and also have my head hit the wall severally to cure my pain🥲. I’ve had a great time laughing in bed, most times naked, communicating my love to the best of me, and exchanging saliva and intellect too🤤. I’ve also had a downtime weeping for love while IN LOVE, I yearned for one that spoke my language, covers my flaws and the flawed inattentiveness of these men🤦‍♀️. Not that I was entirely good too, some of these men found me too slow, some, very threatening to their ego💁‍♀️. In all, we loved till we were unable to anymore.

Letting go of love doesn’t erase the memories, it doesn’t erase the secret thoughts we shallow buried in our minds🥺. These thoughts hurt sometimes and if only we had one more opportunity to converse with our ex-lovers and let them all out… if only…👩‍🦯

unsent letter to my ex
Source- We Heart It

 

Dear Panda:

I choose to address you as ‘Panda’ because it soothes your personality😊. No, you are not fat, but everyone loves a panda because their personality looks soothing and cute just by mere looking, and so is yours🤗. Before we started dating, I had a deep crush on you and carefully carved my steps so you’ll notice me😏. And the first day we spoke remains the only time I’ve ever been happy to come home and not find the house keys🤣🤣. If my sister had left the keys, you wouldn’t have found me stranded to involve me in a conversation🤭. The first mistake of our love was having it in secrecy and no darling, I do not blame you, I was barely 18 and my elder brother will slit your throat if he found out😑. Then again, you loved the church (I hope you still do🤥), and was the hero, the peacemaker, the exceptional final year student, the first son…yen yen yen😑… so many titles that made you feel it was a grave sin against your God and mankind when we had our first kiss and precum wetted your boxers😶. 

exes

“I feel like I’ve sinned, getting romantic with you made me feel so dirty…When I was young, a prophet told my mother that I shouldn’t be involved with a lady…” Wait! How many hours did it take you to rehearse these lines before you interrupted my beauty sleep for midnight calls🤣🤣? Till today, I wonder how a twenty-something-year-old would leave an 18-year-old hanging with some talk coated in cowardice😏. You really wish I was scared of prophets🤣. Well, because of you, I now hate religious fanatics, avoid first sons like a plague, and men who are book smart but street dull👩‍🦯.

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exes
Source- Wiffle Gif

Let’s be fair, for an 18-year-old, I tried, I communicated unlike you who would rather visit your religious book to select words to say to me☹. After dragging both ends of the rope with hopes that when I got into the university, we’ll have a share of freedom to properly love, you still had some hogwash lines reserved for me🥺. “Hey mama! Just have fun, blend with the environment, don’t feel limited to explore”…this was after I asked you if you were still in. What a shame you couldn’t declare your lack of interest boldly🙄. For a fact, I’m thankful you left actually because I surely exploreeeeeeeddddddd and you my love, would have been a burden👩‍🦯. 

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In all, thank you for evoking the writer skills in me🥰. Before I met you, I thought writers descended from space but seeing you write kickstarted my own journey🤗. I still have your writings in my journal.

how many exes you got?
Source- Skill Share

Dear Tortoise

The one who is very likely mistakened for slow but you are fire😉. Very intelligent and knows a bit about everything. Frankly, I didn’t want to date you😶, I mean how can I date a guy in my department and worse of the same level with me🤢? It was so against my rules but then, you’ve been long into the friend zone and I thought this nigga sure deserves a promotion🤭. I felt the weight of dismay and disappointment in your face when you discovered I was a virgin🙃. If only you could turn back the hands of time right! but too late. Mehn! All the major fights we had was about sex, you couldn’t imagine how it is that someone could be scared of sex😵, what a shame😑, despite all the knowledge you had, you never read of genophobia👩‍🦯. I regret all the times I cried to sleep because you wouldn’t touch me except it was sex. Trust me, with the way you always glorified sex, you must be foolish to think that I never knew you were cheating the whole time of our almost two years🤧. 

breakup exes

“Why do I feel like this is our last conversation?” Nah, you assured me. Said you couldn’t stay any longer but promised we’ll see in the morrow😒. I tried to believe you but a still voice beneath kept yelling; “This is it! This is the last time you’ll see him”. And that was it, you never showed up again😭. I felt insulted reaching out to you with a lengthy note via WhatsApp, and all you responded was “Aiit”🤦‍♀️. You didn’t even acknowledge me with respect and not abbreviate the word ‘Alright’. What exactly was alright in all I sent you 🥺?

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You never reached out, I was miserable😖. Days turned into weeks and weeks decayed into months yet no words from you😪. I needed closure, I hoped that one day you would call. I was always anxious to pick calls from unsaved numbers hoping it’s you saying hello from the other side😓. But No. Frankly, It would have been better if you were dead because my situation felt like someone who knew not the whereabouts of their loved one and every day they hoped they would come home or better still receive news of their death so they could move on😔. 

Breakup GIFs exes

I wonder, so if I didn’t put a call across after almost two years of ghosting, you wouldn’t have?😏 Well, sweet to know we’ve buried the hatchet and you remain one of my favorite persons🤗. And I also hope you’ve been enjoying all the sex in the world because just maybe that’s the core of your existence. 

 

Hey Chameleon!!

Chameleon because when I feel I have figured you out, you switch to a new color😖. Our relationship was extremely loving yet extremely confusing too; a detrimental polar opposite🤦‍♀️. We had so much love to give yet hoarded it in ego and replaced it with fervent miscommunication🙇‍♀️. Gosh!! We argued about everything and became too toxic to stay together yet not bold to leave🙍‍♀️. You made me reckon with the lines “love is not everything” and I’m grateful I mustered the bravery to say I wasn’t interested anymore🥲. I didn’t do it for just me baby, we needed it. I know you’re still shocked we didn’t end up together, I am sometimes too, and whenever it hits me I say within “You did what was best girl”👩‍🦯.

exes

How can two grown adults who say they love each other go radio silent on each other for three weeks and to think we even raised the bar a certain time for two months😱!? That was the last straw for me and I remember whispering aloud under my breath “MY MUMU DON DO”🤭. My personality was too strong for you and rather than communicate your displeasure you’d rather look for a way to bruise my ego😔. All the times you said “Uju now, but I was only joking”, I never believed you cause I’m a fan of the saying “people hide under the aegis of jokes to say what they do not have the courage to say normally”. And then everything was always a competition, I got so scared of breaking my good news to you, maybe I always read your gestures wrongly, just maybe… anyway, I hope you’ve found the love you deserve🤗.

 Get Over a Breakup an ex

 

DID I OPEN YOUR SCARS TOO? 

Still have a bunch of stuff to say but I’ve been getting some mild jabs that my stories are becoming way too long 🤣🤣 so I’ll just continue on Naked Minds. Did any of my exes remind you of yours? Anyway, I decided to make this post an open diary aka a vent room for us to talk about the unsaid stuff we never said to our ex(es)🥲. And No! It’s not just only three guys I’ve dated, I felt so ashamed having to count all my fingers and begun counting all over again when my friend asked during our conversation “But Uju, how many guys you don date self?”… while counting, we both burst into uncontrollable laughter🤣🤣.

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Well, these are the only three I recognize, the rest can face back please😑 …So over to you, I’ll like you to share those unsaid words you wish you could say to your ex(es), doesn’t have to be something lengthy or bad and you don’t have to talk about all of them (one or two is fine) or address them by their real names🐄🐖. Also if you have any reservations concerning any of my exes, feel free to say in the comment🤧. Remember, this is my side to the story, they might have a better or unappealing narrative about me but I really don’t care👩‍🦯. 

exes
Source- HealthLine

Also, do you feel it’s right to still maintain communication with an ex? Let’s talk Mutterers, this should be enlightening and fun😁… leave me your comment👇…and never forget, this is a safe place😝👇👇.

 

 

 

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