muttering minds

8 min read

No one told me this about weed… rather, I never believed when they said it, so I decided to jump off the bus…🙃

*Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes.* “O my God Tom😱! I can’t breathe, my breath cuts short and my throat feels so dry😖…”

 *Struggles to gulp some saliva and begins to fidget and cry uncontrollably… moves closer to Tom and suddenly begins to hassle him.* “Please take me to the hospital!😭  This is not me, something is wrong with me…help me!!😩😩”

Pacing frantically around the room and panting with so much fear in my eyes

Before then, I had never felt that way before, so scared, uneasy, very alive yet dead at the same time. Something was off; it was like I was communicating with all my multiple personalities in full flesh. My demons came out to play tough. I couldn’t tell who I was anymore, rather the side I enjoyed showing to the world was lost and hoping never to be found. I always heard that Marijuana (weed) could gargle a man’s mind, stir it in full-blown chaos until he loses grip of his actions, but I thought it was a bandwagon fallacy. 

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 A little backstory here. On this very chilled day, I went to see my boyfriend (now an ex). He was a stoner and most times had weed littered in some strategic corners of his room. I went to his place to cajole him to follow me to mine; we were supposed to have a nice night together at my place (sips coffee🙃). And ding ding! I saw a somewhat handful of weed staring at me. And I thought to myself “today is the day”…not sure if the Lord made this one though.😏

I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?

“Ah ha! This is the so-called weed right?” I asked rhetorically. “I feel like trying it tonight, what do you think?😉”  Tom responded to me with an exciting and charming stare. Finally, his girl gets to taste the unseen goodness he’s been preaching. So I put it in my bag, assisted him in selecting some of his belongings, and off we went to my place. 

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I was so curious, waiting to see the beastly transformation as I stirred my noodles on the fire. I have never sprinkled so much of a particular ingredient on a meal before, but that evening, I became an experimental chef. That moment when you are cooking and you indulge yourself in a monologue. “Is this the right amount?” 🤔 rather than second-guessing, I poured everything in the two packs of noodles. “Yasss! now, this is more like it🤤”, I said as a fulfilled smile ran through my lips.

Criminal: The Original Brownie Lady | WUNC

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I have never been so excited to serve a meal before, let alone noodles ( not a fan🤢). But on this day, I relished it like it was my last supper🤤. At every spoon, I’ll say in my mind “This had better work!” I wanted to see that so much talked about effect. “But when will it start working now🙄?” I pressured Tom at intervals while we ate. And he would always give me a reassuring look to calm down and take my mind off it.


About thirty minutes later… I laid down in bed, swooned in some lovey-dovey shenanigans with Tom 💏. Surprisingly we got talking about childhood memories (it usually doesn’t happen with us especially on a night like that). I started to talk about how I always wanted to be a bird. How I loved watching cartoons with the woodpecker featured in it. I began mimicking the bird and told him I wanted to peck his *** with my lips. 

weed woodpecker
The Woodpecker

Have you ever laughed so much that even when you get to your limit, it seems as though you are just getting started? Laughter became insatiable. My nigga started whining me, he asked how I’ll love to peck it, and there I was making animal sounds.  “Graaaaaaaaa…Pkkkkurrr imagine your dick falling off immediately?”. I asked in a stressful sexy tone. Before I knew it, I found myself singing and twerking. For anything, I wouldn’t sing, let alone twerk even if it was the ultimate solution to end a pandemic. The most extreme spoliation was seeing myself trying to muster some sex appeal. How embarrassing?! 😪

Read: My First Sex Experience; Something Worth Sharing or?

I saw all I was doing but I couldn’t bring myself to order. It was like the real me became an audience to my demons. I have never been so out of control but it felt like the more I tried to get a hold of myself, the more misbehavior got the most rewarding part of me.🤧

Have you laughed so much that even when you get to…


My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought. With a low voice, I asked “Tom it’s like this thing is working, my chest is hot😟”, I took his hands and placed them on my chest “please touch it. It’s hot right?😰”.  There, it dawned on me that the worst could happen any moment. I jerked off and started pacing around the room.

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I am a thinker and my thoughts can be very extreme. All the bad things I have ever thought of did not just replay in my mind only to say a brief hello, they wanted a full bed space. The worst of it all was dying young and not fulfilling my dreams. That period was when it was trending on the news that a girl who visited her boyfriend got overdosed and died. It was my time to join her😭… O Christ! I couldn’t bear it anymore. I started to hassle Tom to take me to the hospital. Imagine! This was already midnight. He tried to calm me down while reaching for his phone, assuring me he was trying to call his family doctor.

My chest was beginning to sink and my throat was getting strangled with drought…

Tom! Tom!“… I screamed his name. “Wait a minute! Can you remember if we had an accident on our way here?😫” At this point, I was already crying. I was dead. Rather I thought we were dead and it was our ghosts that were active at the moment. “Maybe we had an accident and this is our ghost🥶”…” Tom we are not alive! We are dead. Christ! What will my mum do, what happens to all my dreams”😭😭… I cried even harder.

Read: Gosh! I Overthink Worst-Case Scenarios

I needed to be sure I was alive so I opened my room door and started running around the compound. “I need to know I’m alive!😱”, I kept reciting like an anthem while I ran. I had the nudge to knock on a friend’s door but Tom held me back. He was already getting pissed but most of him felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do with me but thankfully managed to bring me in. Yet I couldn’t hold still,  so I opened the door again and knocked on the door of my neighbors who lived opposite my flat as loud as I could. For me, it was a case of my ghost displaying, so to debunk that thought I felt if my neighbors could see me in the flesh then I will be a bit calm.🤭

Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?

They were shocked! “Haba! Uju why are you knocking so loud by this time?🙄” one of them interrogated me with his angry sleepy voice while the other two (all guys) were trying to get themselves together in case it was an armed robbery alert.  “I need to know I’m alive🥶”. I kept screaming and managed to drag them to my room. I could feel the embarrassment on Tom’s face as he narrated what happened to them. Before then, he’s never had an encounter so the impression now will most rightly be “The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed”. But reputation can as well burn in hell!  life is what matters now… I thought within.🤨

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To cut the story short, they offered me some homemade remedies (palm oil and garri) to allay the weed effect. And going forward the experience became an avenue for subtle mockery and laughter whenever boredom came calling my neighbors.😒

The guy who overdosed his girlfriend with weed


I saw a tweet recently that read “what was that drink you overdosed on and you prayed to God that if the effect stops immediately, you’ll never drink again”. It made me remember my experience with weed and the lessons I garnered and so I thought, why not share…

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The things you do when no one is looking are the things that define you”. This quote began to mean so much after the weed brouhaha. You know, everything I displayed that day were the thoughts I always had hidden inside. In my mind, I am the best dancer and twerker, sometimes when I am by myself, I twerk in front of the mirror. I always want to be sexy, I always imagine myself talking and acting sexy, sometimes I even act it when I am alone. All along I thought they were mere thoughts and goofing, I never knew they were already part of me. My mind had them registered in its nook, but that day, the weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons. 

Weed beat it to a pulp thus revealing all my demons.

And the evil thoughts too…Going forward, I learned to always think more about the good things because just like that day, another day could come where it will be only me that can save myself and if I got no motivation inside me, it would become a scary mess😪. Although I still cower at the thought of dying young. God forbid! 😤. But how did weed come to be? Its efficacy remains unmatched. I was going to share my experience with alcohol too but this post already takes a cue from Mariama Ba’s So Long A Letter.  Alcohol also has a way of making me mask off completely, that’s why I never drink with people I am not comfortable with.😕 

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Now your turn! Have you ever had a horrifying high experience? I’ll like to learn about your moment of reckoning. How do you feel when you are high? Why do you feel the need to get high sometimes? And If you are sober or have never taken alcohol or weed before, I’ll like to know why, maybe for your sake, I’ll repent. And yeah… what do you make of my weed experience too?🤓


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6 min read

Fetish! Fetish! Fetish!🤤 So tell me, do you have one? I presume it’s one of those topics you’ll prefer to remain buried in your closet that is why I decided to kill two birds with one stone by pitching the discussion on Fetish and Obsessions. This means only one thing, if you don’t have a fetish or feel uncomfortable sharing, then you must be obsessed with something…like the smell of your own fart maybe.🤭

Yeah, you heard me. I know the last thing you want to do is smelling someone’s fart but guess what, you’ve been missing all along. Sniffing farts has its own health benefits. According to research, hydrogen sulfide, the gas that gives flatulence its repulsive smell, reduces the risk of heart attack, stroke, cancer and helps stave off dementia. Since I found out, it started to seem like I became obsessed with breaking the wind although not gathered enough confidence to savor the richness deeply because it perpetually gives me an obnoxious feeling🤮. For real though, you should research the benefits of inhaling farts, I assure you that going forward you’ll feel more confident letting out that air. 😌

Why do your farts smell that bad?RateMDs Health News

Obsessions First!

I am obsessed with the smell of menthol. The smallest sniffle from a menthol bottle is enough to make me feel alive; I inhale so deeply it feels like I just clinched an orgasm. My nostrils are promiscuous when it comes to trying out menthols, they are so trained they can tell what brand makes the best and the brands making a rookie mistake. When I was younger, I dug a hole in our mattress, I would usually pinch the foam off daily because I needed a stench of menthol to see me off to school. Every morning I will dip a piece of foam in a menthol jar to be sure it’s well saturated in it then I’ll hold it with me and sniff it at intervals. As an adult, it’s my handkerchief that bears the brunt. You’ll always find a yellow stain because of its continuous immersion in Menthol. 🙃

Are you also obsessed with Menthol? I’ve met some people who get agitated at the smell of it. If you are one, NEWSFLASH…! THAT’S YOUR CUP OF TEA!.☹ Hmmm, what else am I obsessed with? I used to love binge drinking Fanta and popcorn. The duo played well as the perfect couple for my belly, in fact offering me a treat with the combo was a way to appease me if you fell off my wagon. But not anymore after the boy I loved who always gave me so much of it got ****** (fill the gap). Now my current man serves me Malt and Milk goals, should I be scared? 🧘‍♀️
As an adult, it’s my handkerchief that bears the brunt. You’ll always find a yellow stain because of its continuous immersion in Menthol.

Even though I read that any obsession is dangerous, we all gotta be obsessed with something. You’re probably saying to yourself right now “But I got none?” Guess what, some people are actually obsessed with smelling their armpit and chances are that you fall in that category. If your answer is ‘NO’, it means you love to itch underneath and relish on the odor like a sumptuous three square meal…right?? 😜You gotta have an obsession. Shuuuuuu🤫… its porn right? Don’t worry, I promise not to tell.

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And then there’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which I like to believe I’ve escaped from. Thanks to my little Nephew who scatters the house immediately I’m done arranging. His action proved to me that some obsessions die after all by mere looking away. No therapy needed.💆‍♀️

And then there’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which I think I’ve escaped from…

Now What??? FETISH!!!

Can I plead the fifth in telling my fetish? I was rooted to the spot the day I read a story on one of these relationship blogs about a man saying he couldn’t cum except he is sexing his lady on her period. LIKE!!! MENSTRUAL BLOOD IS WHAT TICKLES SOMEONE!!! I thought sexual intercourse should be avoided at that time of the month.🤢

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I became curious about knowing people’s fetishes. I needed to be sure I had friends on the normal side because people can look normal but they’ll have you running for your dear life the day you discover all that’s buried in their closet. 


In case you are a little lost, a fetish is typically referred to as a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without. It is also a term people use to describe sexual arousal that is coupled with a typically non-sexual object. For instance, there are some men who cannot make sweet love to a lady except she’s on heels, some ladies love role-playing, some are attracted to piercings, some, a certain color or type of underwear, etc. All these are mild fetishes.

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Some fetishes are really weird and bother more on the obsessive, for example, Gerontophilia (feeling sexual attraction for only people way older than you), foot fetish (licking the feet of your sexual partner) BDSM ( sex practices involving bondage, discipline, submission, and sadomasochism), etc. the most common under this is ‘Spanking’. Do you know that some people find sexual gratification through bleeding or blood? It’s called Hematolagnia. After I read this, I became less shocked about the man who loves period blood. Still strikes illegal in my eyes though.

Meet the person who gets turned on by gushing nosebleeds | Metro News

So I did a mini collation of fetishes from friends…stick with me…

“I can’t explain my love for breasts and cunnilingus (giving head). For some reason, I enjoy giving head to having sex. I’m not even the one getting the pleasure but it’s something I love so much, that’s the reason I don’t have sex with any girl that comes my way cause I want to eat her. As for my love for breasts, it’s that bad that a certain girl had to save my contact as ‘BREAST’.”- Storm.

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“I weirdly enjoy pain during sex. On me though. I like my girl to scratch and bite and beat my chest and all that…lol. It’s mad steamy. That’s my fetish”- Bite

As for my love for breasts, it’s that bad that a certain girl had to save my contact as ‘BREAST’

“Lol, I don’t have one. I think people that have fetishes are those that are sexually active, I might be wrong. But for my ex, he liked to bite my cheek, that was his own fetish”.– Aure

“I personally get aroused by V-line abs. Not every guy has it, even some guys with packs don’t have it. That alone can make me take off my pants. But then he has to be shirtless, wearing loose pants or just boxers for me to see it.”– Jules

Read: Men Talk! How To Get Rid of Boners in Public

“I like thighs cause they are attractive to look at, sensual to touch, and exciting to play with. Thighs give a sense of innocence. The fairer the thigh, the better. (For obvious reasons).”- Obuora

Let’s play a game, ‘Fetish or Obsessions or Both’.

These were my best five responses. They made me laugh and imagine quite some sensual rubbish though. While Fetishes can be an obsession, an obsession is not always a fetish, now you see why I picked the duo for a discussion, there’s an obvious thin line. But what causes people to have sexual fetishes though? 

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You know what, let’s play a game, ‘Fetish or Obsessions or Both’. I’ll love to hear about your fetish or obsession (or both), and what you think caused it. It’s okay if you cannot trace the cause. I know you’re longing to hear my fetish, well I mentioned it earlier, mine is the most common under ****. If you’re fond of deliberately skipping lines when you read, then you missed mine. Perhaps you should just forget about it and say yours.😴


6 min read

There’s always that one thing we want but we will never get, maybe, just maybe when we take our minds off the wishful thinking, that’s when it will come. Not promising, but this has always been a consolation response to me whenever I complain to my friends about how slim I am and cannot wait to grow fat.

Bowled over? It’s not like I am too thin but then…all my life, I have longed to be a little thick at least especially on some strategic part of my body but my creator wouldn’t let me shine on that path. Since I became aware of myself I don’t think I have ever changed in looks or size. “Vampire”“Uju you are perfect the way you are”“You are so small and cute””I wish I had your body”… blah blah blah… You really do think that’s a compliment right? You wish! Well, maybe sometimes.

It was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

The mistake most people make is that they think every slim person loves the way they are and that every fat person curses the day they were born. Do you ever stop to think for a second that some slim people actually hate it when you emphasize their body weight? Well, I belong to that one percent of the one percent who hate it when you do. Don’t ask me when I would gain weight or why I haven’t added since we left high school. It is rude. 

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That was how the other day I ran into a mate from high school and the first thing she said was “Ah Doris! you haven’t changed, you are still small”. I had to morsel laugh for pretense sake but after she left I began analyzing her birdbrained approach. I concluded it was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.


Being slim can be very fine especially on tall people but if you are ‘slim and short’ like me, you will agree with me that beauty goes on vacation sometimes without seeking your permission. My body is like a chameleon only that it changes its weight instead of color. Small stress and I deflate. One minute I am happy to have gained 2kg and the next minute I am 4kg down. How annoying? It’s like one step forward and a million miles backward.

Read: What Is Perception To You?

So I discovered a weight gain trick two years ago. I started going to the gym. Daily. The first time I stepped my feet at the gym, it felt as odd as a baby enrolling for a Master’s Degree. “Ah”“What do you want to lose”“Do you want to disappear?” So many discouraging remarks but I didn’t give up. Specifically, I told the gym instructor that I wanted to add, not lose weight, “build my shape”. I started building my muscles and strength and taking lots of protein shakes. Little or no aerobics, deadlifts, lunges, leg lifts, squatting, and more. Squatting was my favorite exercise because I wanted to be just as bad as sexy and guess what, it worked. I built my muscles so much that I gained 10kg in five months. From 50kg to 60kg; well-shaped and a little thick. It was like Christmas in June until I got a nine to five job that swept me off my joy.

From 50kg to 55kg; well-shaped and a little thick.

The new weight and look became history. I felt sad and still is. Initially, I tried to keep up with the gym during weekends but it felt like gaining only to lose it the next minute. There was no point. Little stress and small omissions that should become part of life because of our drive to make ends meet are bad for me. Stress like jumping buses from Monday to Friday, skipping meals, working hard, going for holidays…etc. they all take a toll on my weight. Now I weigh 49kg!! And the most unfair part of all these is that I see people who do worse than I do, gaining weight effortlessly while I get thinner than thin. This life is so unbalanced. If riches cannot be equal, let weight be even at least.

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I should chip in that the only sign that I am likely to be as thick as I crave in the future is my butts. There’s something about my butts, as a matter of fact, it is my most precious asset before my *****. It gives me joy that something can at least grow and be visible when you look at me but its glory fluctuates too. Sometimes it appears super full like some huge melons and admirable especially after doing some rigorous squats indoors. Other times my two butt cheeks betray me by looking like pullets. Times like this, don’t tell me I have lost weight, I know, you don’t have to rub it in. The moment someone says to me “Ah Uju, you are starting to lose weight again”… by default my response is usually “Including my butts?”. If they concur automatically I sink into depression because for it to go down, then it is that bad.
Butt clipart animated, Butt animated Transparent FREE for download ...
Including my butts?


You think that every slim person has it happy right? Well, it’s not the same for me. How do you explain seeing a really gorgeous dress you can afford and you purchase it only for it to be falling off your shoulders? Or the seller subtly screams at your face saying “leave it, it won’t fit you”. Deep down, she knows you won’t bring out the beauty of the dress.

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straightforward As You Think

You also think every slim person got there by default right? “Oh, it’s her nature”… well, it’s not for some. Some people are sick and the more they take their medications, fat has no place to stay. Some slim persons like me cannot even explain their body type. Sometimes I undergo forced feeding yet, nothing to show for it. Just like losing weight is a struggle for some, gaining weight is a slice of tough meat for me.


Meeting a slim person does not give you the right to start measuring the size of their arm with your fingers. It’s not cute. Or the name callings like “lepa”, “Broom Stick”, “Thinny” etc. These are very ugly names and full-blown body shaming that we have remained oblivious to. Except someone tells you that they like some part of their body, it doesn’t give you the right to assume that it’s good for them and start making jokes. The fact that a lot of people want something doesn’t guarantee that those who have it are happy with it.


Well! Well! Well! Maybe you are slim and you love you just the way you are, that’s cool. As for me, l love me and will love me even more with some more flesh.

I want to put on some healthy weight gain. And since I discovered the trick that works best for me is the gym, I’m going back. COVID took the nine to five away so I decided to look on the bright side of things. I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg. I hope to get there before the year runs. Possible? We shall see… I’ll try to keep you posted

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I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg.

My weight is one of my biggest insecurities. Talking about it with you Mutterers brings a sense of relief. Do you mind sharing with me your insecurities too? or perhaps we are walking in the same shoes, I’ll like to hear… or better still you got some advice on how I can gain some weight without going to the gym? 

I’ll be waiting in the comment section.


6 min read

Do you ever read a passage in the bible and get slightly pissed at God? You read and you’re like “What was he thinking? This is so unfair especially coming from the ‘Big Man’ up there?” The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25: 14-30, used to be among the few passages I felt distaste for until my dear friend Taiwo Omotesho, in one of our seriously playful conversations, led me to read it again. This time, something changed.

A little backstory here. Taiwo had lead me on some career talks about how she has a lot of things she wants to venture in but for every one of them, there’s a barricade clogging the wheels of its success. For her (not until the revelation) it was a case of “If the road isn’t smooth, then I’m not even gonna try to make a little out of nothing”. Then she narrated to me how one evening she was having a sober reflection and asking God why it was like that and then he took her mind to recall the Parable of the Talents. According to her, God asked her what she has done with one of the many ideas at least. And her answer was Zilch. “So how is it that you want more?” God asked. How awakening! I knew I needed to revisit the parable again to gain a fresh understanding.

Read: When God Takes A Nap
Parable of the Talents
So how is it that you want more?

Why I Used To Be Offended

The Parable of the Talents likened the kingdom of heaven to a master traveling into a far country. Before embarking on his trip, he summons his three servants and gives them talents. He gave one five talents, another two talents, and one ‘only’ one talent. Each of them was expected to trade and make profits on his behalf.

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Notice my emphasis on the word ‘only’?  Yes!  That was why I always got pissed with the parable but thankfully not anymore. I used to exercise my resentment as to why the master (who represents God in the parable) was unfair and didn’t give each servant the same amount of talent. I always asked why? Did he not like him? Maybe. 

The Parable of the Talent
The Parable of the Talent likened the kingdom of heaven to a master traveling into a far country.

The gospel of Matthew puts that when he returned from his trip, he called each servant to give an account of how the talents were utilized. The one who was given five had made an extra five (ten), the one given two, an extra two (four) but the one given one due to his dissatisfaction buried it. Back then I used to say that if I was in his shoes, I might have done worse, maybe quit the job because of the oozing partiality.

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Revisiting the Parable again, asides from gaining new insight, what made it even more interesting and easy to comprehend was reading from The Living Bible translation; one of the best things to happen to my spiritual growth.


The Big Revelations

God Detest Idle Hands: First, I got to understand that the talents represented money and the one talent was actually $1000. If I got a thousand dollars now, will I bury it simply because it wasn’t the same amount as the rest? Hell No. I will probably get pissed and jealous but burying it is the last thing I’ll do.

“Sir, I knew you were a hard man, and I was afraid you would rob me of what I earned, so I hid your money in the earth and here it is!” (Matt 25:24-25) This was the servant’s response when he was asked to give an account.

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The master replied, “Wicked man! Lazy slave! Since you knew I would demand your profit, you should at least have put my money in the bank so I could have some interest”.(Matt 25:26)

The response of the master who represents God in the parable opened my eyes to the fact that God hates it so much when we are discontented over what he gives us and worse of lazy to use our gifts. He expects that no matter how little it is in our own eyes, we must put it into use. God loves productivity. If you are not interested in using what he has blessed you with; bless someone’s life with it or invest it somewhere fruitful. It laying idle is a sin. It’s more like every gift he gives us is a ticking time bomb, for every tick, he expects a little profit at least. Notice his reference to the bank and you know how small bank interest can be depending on the amount invested.

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We Are Unequal in God’s Eyes– If you are one of those who think that God loves everyone equally then you are mistaken. Just like we are advised in Philippians 2:12 to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, we must also work out the level of love we want God to have for us. At the beginning of the parable, it was written that the master divided the money ‘in proportion to their abilities’. It is evident that the servant he gave five is his favorite, most hardworking, and loving servant who has overtime worked so hard to merit it. He is that servant you will call and without hesitation, he responds. God creating us is not enough to conclude that we are entitled to his blessings, we must work for it with faith, diligence, and obedience.

Read: Did God Really Create The World In Less Than 7 Days?
parable of the talents
We Are Unequal in God’s Eyes

Why God Keeps Blessing Some People More– Have you noticed some people around you who keep having a lot of ‘Good Luck’ in their lives. No! A genie didn’t curse them with so much richness at birth but they choose to make use of what they have despite the challenges. And from there, one idea births several other ideas. Open doors galore…

After the confrontation with the servant who buried his talent, the master said “Take the money from this man and give it to the man with the $10,000. For the man who uses well what he is given shall be given more, and he shall have an abundance. But from the man who is unfaithful, even what little responsibility he has shall be taken from him.” (Matt 25:28-29)

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God loves the one who is more hard-working. Judging the case for mere face value, one will assume that he will give it to the servant who made $4,000 (four talents) after all his is little, he can have that to make his half of the ten talent servant’s sum. But No, the one with $10,000 was blessed even more. This proves that God doesn’t delight in second best. Mediocrity is not an option. God loves to deal with the best winners.

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parable of the talents
Do not fret, there’ll be more wins to come, you just play your part.

Dear Mutterers

It is imperative that I shared this revelation with you because I know that at this stage of your life, you’ve got so many questions to ask about your career path and what the future holds. I strongly believe this will go a long way in answering some of your questions. 

While it is not wrong to pray to God to bless you with more, it is wrong to be unfaithful with the little things he has blessed you with. Do not fret, there’ll be more wins to come, you just play your part.

9 min read

“If your boyfriend or husband pounds you really hard when having sex, best believe that human with three legs is a rapist. There is no such thing as hard or angry sex. Is he a hammer? Maybe he is but girl, your vagina is not a drilling site. If he claims he hasn’t raped anyone before then watch out, the day you say no to his sexual advances, you might just be his first victim. SEX NOT VIOLENCE. ONLY A RAPIST OR A POTENTIAL ONE APPLIES FORCE DURING INTERCOURSE. This is my candid take on rape and the definition of a rapist”– Christine Okon.

Hmmmmmmm… Rape is like old wine. The more we get older; the odious act gets stronger at serving severe deafening blows to the society that living becomes a frightening experience. The death of 22-year-old Uwavera Omozuwa, a Nigerian and Microbiology student at the University of Benin who was raped and savagely beaten to death while reading at a local parish of the Redeemed Christain Church of God in Edo State last week not only became a foreground for a reawakening on the sexual menace but also opened a can of worms.


Uwavera’s experience has up until now served as a backdrop for rape victims to open up about their long endured hurt while supporting the #SAYNOTORAPE movement. The victims each day, find a comforting way to relay their truth and call out their abusers. Let’s not forget the gender war too. Almost half of the male folk feel it is a lopsided attack and an unfair generalization to tag them as the sex who rapes. “MEN GET RAPED TOO”, they clamor! But you see, who screams the loudest is usually gifted the most comfortable sit by the audience, that’s one of the underrated rules of life. Men should learn to speak up more.

Read: Rape Stats In Nigeria

Ranging from the blue blood to the privileged class and even the ones, who live down in the mouth, comprised the CALL OUT list. And asides the common male-on-female rape, some of the rape victims narrated their experiences on female-on-male rape, male-on-male rape, and female-on-female rape. Does this settle the gender war? Maybe, but that’s a far cry away from the bone of contention here. One thing that remains unsettled is that rape cases will continue to stir too much dust in the society and this is because while it looks like we are fighting together against it, the sexual menace (rape) and the perpetrators (the rapists) are perceived differently by all and sundry.


You’re probably wondering how I arrived at this conclusion right? Well if you read stories frequently here, you’ll know that I am always more interested in what people are not saying or projecting more; the minority opinions that carry so much weight when looked at introspectively. 

Unpopular Opinion About Rape

As of last week, virtually everyone had something to say about rape. Stemming from the objective angles to the pity parties and then the loose minds who say it just as it hits their head, all lent their voices to the best of their knowledge. Among several opinions I read through, the straw that broke the camels back for me was this;

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“Well, this might not make sense but I feel it’s a simple truth. When a case of rape is about to start, instead of dragging with them, can the girls just allow him or them instead of sustaining injuries that can even lead to death? Just saying o. Some will even be scared she is offering them willingly. Cause I don’t see the point of fighting back when your strength can’t last you for a minute. Just accept it instead of accepting forcefully with slaps, punch, bite, weapon, and all. Okay, imagine a house that got robbed.  Nobody will try to fight back once they see a gun. Isn’t that like rape too?”

Can the girls just allow him or them instead of sustaining injuries that can even lead to death?

You see, no matter how sensitive an issue is, there will always be warped opinions, some, you’ll wonder what planet the individual hails from. But do we shove them away because they are culture shocks compared to our own opinions? No. All through my life, I’ve never heard someone think this way about rape. But if he can then they’ll definitely be more on his side who hold out of the ordinary opinions too. At this point, my curiosity began to age so I decided to put it up for a debate on my WhatsApp status. 

Read: Abusive Relationships; Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

So I posted the picture and captioned “Seeing this, I realized a lot of us hold uncanny opinions about sensitive issues. It takes a level of courage to speak up”. Then in my next slide, I asked “Who is a rapist? Kindly define in your own understanding”. Then the comments came rolling, this explains the quoted text in the first paragraph. 

I don’t think it’s wise to fight back

Like I predicted he wasn’t the only one who would hold the opinion, a friend responded- “I second this opinion. Honestly, rape is fucked up, It’s an awful thing to happen to anybody but if anybody is at that point, I don’t think it’s wise to fight back. From personal experience, fighting back just increases provocation and the likelihood of you being seriously injured. If someone’s pinning you down, especially someone who is physically stronger than you, there’s barely any form of fighting back that will save you tbh. Instead, it will just aggravate the situation and might give the rapist justification to inflict more physical pain on you. Just saying”

While these two stuck to their guns, counter-attacking opinions began flooding in;

Tunde Onakoya said: “You know I really do think this might just be the opinion of a guy because it’s really silly. What people should be advocating for is to let rapists not rape people, not that you should negotiate with them. It’s like saying you want to negotiate with terrorists on how to destroy and you say “don’t bomb everywhere, just shoot few people”. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Rape messes up with ladies mentally

“Really? Consensual rape? It’s crazy! What’s the guarantee that after the consensual rape, you won’t be killed. The psychopath will gladly kill u without any guilt because in his words “she enjoyed it”- Queen Ede opined.

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Similar to Queen’s stand, Oreoluwa Osinuga said “the thing is that they are thinking of the physical effect rather than the mental. Rape messes up with ladies mentally and you might think you are smart and act that way, letting them have their way but what if they kill you after? The point of this whole thing is not the act itself”

Read: From Abuse To Addiction

Ajibola concluded this round by saying “Rape is a terrible act and under no circumstance should the victim willingly give in. Fight even if it means you’re gonna get battered. On the other hand, shouldn’t living be the most important thing under any circumstance? I condemn rape and the punishment under the law should be heavier than it’s ever been anywhere around the world. Some people never get over it even after passing through the horrible experience.”

Rape victim
Fight even if it means you’re gonna get bartered.

Unpopular Opinion from The Victims Eyes.

While that round of debate fizzled, someone who chooses to be Anonymous sent me this;

“I could never report it to anyone because I was afraid it was my fault. I never wanted to be harmed and that’s why I never tried to fight back, or why I pretended to be asleep the day my uncle snuck into my room at night and had his hands all over my body, I did not want to embarrass him and myself. I did not want to be that child. The child with the stigma. The bad egg. The one who’s story got retold time and time again. So I kept quiet about it. I did not want to be the reason my uncle got sent out of the house. I did not want to be pitied and treated differently from the rest of my siblings. I blamed myself for everything. It was easier than speaking up and causing a fuss. If I didn’t speak up, it would only be in my head and it would make it less real, that’s what I thought, so I kept quiet. I mean how else could I tell my parents about my cousin and the painful things he did to me without upsetting everyone? Or the fact that my uncle kept on dipping his fingers into me every time no one else was around. Who would believe me?  I blamed myself for not speaking up, but never ever found the strength to speak up even if I wanted to.”

I blamed myself for everything. It was easier than speaking up and causing a fuss.

This is my first time coming in contact with a victim who pities her abuser and chooses family peace over hers, I’m convinced there are many others like her. What do you make of this?

Who Is A Rapist?

Remember I asked that they define who a rapist is in their own understanding. The weirdest response I got was that of Christine Okon which I used as a preamble for this post. 

Going forward, Rhemakana Gilbert defined a rapist as “a man who is unable to understand the concept of consent. He is driven by a sense of entitlement over the bodies of women and holds the view that he is ruled by his urges. He believes that women should adjust their theology to make up for his lack of self-control and understand when he needs a release and cannot control himself.”

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With an emphasis on the word ‘conscious’, Ifeanyichukwu Ogbuoji said: “A rapist is one who forces his way into the thighs or anals of another without the person’s CONSCIOUS consent.”

Read: Domestic Violence! How Many More Jonny Depps To Be Uncovered?
Who is a rapist?

“If you take advantage of my body without my consent, You are a Rapist! If I agree to have sex with you and along the line, I asked you to stop but you refused and continued forcing yourself on me, You are a Rapist! 🤷🏽‍♀🤷🏽‍♀🤷🏽‍♀” Delight Loveday said.

“A rapist is someone whose libido is higher than his thoughts,” Cupid said.

“A rapist is someone who sees another human that is fully clothed and decides to imagine them naked. A rapist is someone who is capable of murder.”- Amaka Enyinnaya 

The Bane of Disparity 

The disparity in our perception about rape, in my opinion, is what kills the fight even before it is fought. I choose to feature these responses because they strike different. The majority in a good way and a select few leaves the rooftop leaking.

While you cannot beat a person for having a different opinion from yours, we must bear in mind that some battles cannot be fought without a unison of opinion; the fight against rape is one of such.

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If at this stage some of us prefer to weigh which gender feels the brunt more…

If at this stage some of us still hold that the rape victim is to blame rather than the rapist… if at this stage some of us prefer to weigh which gender feels the brunt more… if at this stage some of us believe indecent dressing is the primary trigger for rape… if at this stage the rape victim chooses to remain silent, then we cannot win this fight against rape. 

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What does this tell you about rape? What does this tell you about a rapist? What does this tell you about the victim?  And most importantly, what does this tell you about YOU? 






7 min read

Yassssssss we are back! 💃💃I know right, we’ve been away for about a month if I’m counting correctly. My apologies, I missed you too. The wait was frustrating but I found myself sapping solace from the bigger picture (I hope you can see it too)🤗.

You know one of those setbacks where you are unable to help yourself yet you beat yourself each day for not being able to help yourself as if it will solve it but NO. At the end of the day, you are left with yourself, dancing alone and disrobed in the distress. So what do you do? Motivate you?🤔


The Long Wait.

I kid you not; these past weeks harboured the longest days of my life. Like what the hell?! I’m so used to this. Starting my day with sharing stories and awaiting your feedback and equally re-sharing in between is unapologetically my lifestyle. A heavenly race I have been running for nine months, so you can imagine how not posting for three days talk more of a month encroached on my sanity.🥺

These past weeks harboured the longest days of my life

Do you ever have something wrong with you (a setback precisely) that takes charge of your entire being? It controls your feelings down to your roots that you find yourself ignoring every other part of your life no matter how important they are until that particular shit is fixed? This summarizes my life for the past month. Remember I asked in the first paragraph ‘Motivate you?’

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straight Forward As You Think

When something I hold dearly crashes and burns or seems like it, it’s hard for me to hear myself breathe. I find it difficult to motivate me. And the flip side about the chips being down is that no matter what every other person says to you, only you can help yourself. If you can motivate you, you’ll be fine in no time but for me, it’s a course I fail to pass. More than anything, I find myself sinking in the rigours until the problem manages to fix itself in some way and then I feel better and happy just like now. Raise your hands if you are like me.✋

When something I hold dearly crashes and burns or seems like it, it’s hard for me to hear myself breathe.

The Lessons and My Identity Crisis

It dawned on me that I have tied more than half of my happiness to my writing career (especially Muttering Minds). This wait made me realize that some key areas that should make up my existence have been dim for a long time yet I remain oblivious. Without my career, I am just a walking bag of bones inhaling oxygen. Should it be so? Who am I without having to attach the title of a writer to be seen? Who am I without having to gush over Muttering Minds?

Identity Crisis: wait
This hiatus made me realize that some key areas that should make up my existence have been dim for a long time yet I remain oblivious.

Who am I without my head signaling for inspiration or my nostrils sniffing for my next big story? Am I that daughter who knows well enough to love family and have their best interest at heart? Am I that friend who listens to her friends without having to chip in one or two things about an upcoming story or something about muttering minds? Am I that lover whose show of affection is unconditional or determined by the chronicles of my career achievements?

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I’m afraid I have not been good even in relating to my creator. I go as far as debating if to talk to him first thing in the morning or send out that killer tweet. The tweet always wins the debate. At the end of the day, one tweet leads to many retweets, and then I proceed to other social networks, and viola! communing with the father becomes yet another procrastinated task.

Read: What It Means To Be Having An Identity Crisis

When I ask “HOW ARE YOU?” and they respond “FINE”, I fail to push further even though I know they are just being cliché. I hastily proceed to ask “HOW FAR THAT JOB WE TALKED ABOUT”  “WHAT ABOUT THAT STUFF YOU ARE PURSUING? ANY LUCK YET?” It’s always about one race or the other revolving around career and money. Should our career or hustle define who we are?

Do we need to attach a formal title in describing ourselves to be seen? ‘A  FRIEND’, ‘A BROTHER’, ‘A SISTER’…these are titles that resonate more with breeding self peace but I’m afraid we will never value them as much.

I wanna be that really good friend.

Somehow I am grateful for the break. Going forward, this is not to say that I won’t be pushing my career or talking to friends about what I feel might be the next big thing, but I know well enough to draw the fine line and also lighten other areas of my life. They all can shine equally and if peradventure an area gets weak or broken, it won’t disrupt the flow of my existence (reference to the site crash) nor take away my worth. I wanna be that really good friend.



Wondering why we were away for so long?  I’m proud to announce that we have grown. Yaaahhhhh 💃💃🕺🕺feel free to clap and doff your hats, lol. Our hosting capacity could no longer contain us; yessssss our audience has grown bigger, you can clap again and maybe shake your butt a little🤸‍♂️. I had to make preparations for a new and better hosting service and you know since ‘Uncle COVID’ came on board, money became more slippery from our palms. It was a nail-biting experience trying to gather the sheaves but that’s bygone, I’m so happy to be back, you should be happy too😁. CHEERS TO MORE AND MORE AUDIENCE INCREASE!!🥂

Cheers to more luxuriant growth!!

Anything You Should Know? 

Definitely! Asides from the hiccup that has been fixed, a lot of new ideas kept buzzing my mind throughout the hiatus but I will zip my lips for now lol. Some of the ideas have already been implemented, special thanks to the website developer Isaac Mattias🙏. You are a genius. 

Look around, spot any green text box by your left? It’s at the bottom. One-click and it takes you directly to the comment section. It also allows the writer to ask quick questions in between their story whilst you read. All you need do is give a quick answer and continue reading. See here. Click the green box. 

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Asides from liking, you can now rate the stories on a scale of 1-5. You will see the rating star at the end of each post. Also for the comment section, you can now include images and GIFs. You know what, take your time to explore the site properly, there are many gold mines waiting to be uncovered lol😉, I’m pretty sure you’ll love the changes.

Read: How Do You Feel About Muttering Minds

Have you heard of NAKED MINDS? Our email community? If you are subscribed already to our weekly newsletter then you should be in the loop except you don’t read your emails…too bad😟. Naked Minds have been revamped from being a regular newsletter to having what I love to call a ‘Naked’ note attached. Imagine what kind of content a newsletter dispatched at night will hold? Won’t say any further. Click here to know more and subscribe, I promise to send catch up mail links to new subscribers.

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About Muttering Minds. Ideas are never fully formed when you set out to execute them. They are like fragments or should I say a jigsaw puzzle where you have to fix the bits each day to form a clearer picture. It can only get better.

Read: Friendship Is A Ruse

The more I get involved with Muttering Minds, the more the vision becomes clearer. Maybe you understand the whole concept of Muttering Minds or not, you should read our ‘About Page’ again. It has been re-drafted to fill cracked holes and more importantly give clarity to all and sundry. To ensure we are on the same page throughout this muttering voyage, click HERE.

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That said about the long wait. How are you?😁 What have you been up to and most importantly how did not reading a story here for that long feel? Don’t tell me you cheated on me…arrrghhhhh!😡 Oh, you forgot?!  In case you need a reminder, we are in a relationship and cheating is taboo, lol. 🤪 It’s been a pretty long while; let’s unwind in the comment section especially on the area of identity crises.




5 min read

Finally a wrap on our First Sex Experience Series. Aaaaaahhhhh!!! Drum rolls!! Belly tingling💃💃 and plenty of cheerssssss🥂….lol😁. The stories featured no doubt were a roller coaster of so many emotions ranging from pity to relief, gross grease to triggers, fragility to laughter and of course lessons. So tell me, did you learn a thing or more? 

Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet after getting an undiluted portion of people’s lives, so I’ll go first. Before I proceed I would like to especially thank those who submitted their stories. You see, penning the story is not the actual deal here but finding a balance with the courage to look back on the gory scenes ( to those who had an unpleasant first time), details, emotions and then carving a silver lining is everything. THANK YOU. Also, my sincere apologies to those who I couldn’t post their stories, the fault is on me, your stories were good enough. I undermined the turnout, I placed only a week for the series because I didn’t think many people were going to share their stories but the turnout surpassed my expectations. 

first time sex
Lessons cannot be swept under the carpet…

Now The Lessons

One of the purposes of the series was to prove if some sex myths are real, some of which I included while announcing the series. However, reading through the stories, I came to the conclusion that they are not myths but actually facts although not evident in everyone’s first time. Below are some of the things I learned;

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  • Change The Narrative:  Dealing with abuse is tough. If there is any lesson I wouldn’t miss from the first entry, “A ‘Red Episode’ Turned ‘Fairytale Romance”, is the strength shown by the writer. I admire her for taking charge of her memory, how she was able to forgo the first experience, and clinched to the better second is everything. Asides from sex, I most definitely will replicate this act going forward, choosing to see only the good and burying the bad.

first sex experience

  • Be Mindful Of Who You Keep Close: From Abuse To Addiction’ is a biting epiphany. It proves that many people molested at a tender age were either molested by relatives or close parties. I will end this by quoting what a follower on Twitter, @oshiombo_alaka said in reaction to the story “What is happening to your children when you are away from home? Are the people you entrust your children with worthy of the responsibility? The failure to promote moral uprightness will hurt every one of us. Are you willing to stand for what is right in everything around you?”

first sex experience

  • Pain, Joy… And The Clingy Bits: One story that checked some of our proposed sex myths is ‘Pleasure And Gateway To My Insecurities’. The writer having acknowledged the pain and pleasure lets us in on the aftermath of her sex experience. Despite admitting to having her first sex with someone she was heels over head in love with, she found herself getting insecure and clingy and that became the death of the relationship. It made me realize that most break-ups that occur after a girl’s first sex might not actually be because the dude got what he wanted but because insecurities and incessant fights play a vital role.

first sex experience


  • A Rise In Ego: hehehehehehehe… yes, I am laughing and if you followed the series you can easily figure out the culprit story. Yesssss…‘Teenage Sexventure Gone Wild’. The writer was apparently the only one who decided not to play anonymous and rather than judge him, you end of having a good laugh. He checked one of our sex myths, ‘ego boost’ for men. Most men had their ego a step ahead after laying with a woman for the first time. In Joshua’s words… “Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex…”

first sex experience


  • For You Or Society: ‘A Tale Of Two Rookies’ takes off the cloak on celibacy and virginity. Do you understand the importance of celibacy and keeping your virginity? Or you are one of those lost in society’s yardstick for measuring virtue. Why celibacy? What happens when you do or don’t? Everyone ought to have a meaning for themselves, not just jumping on the bandwagon.

first sex experience


  • Curiosity Killed The Cat: Ideally reading the title ‘Taste And See…’ one is curious to know what the writer tasted and found out. Did he taste sex to become an addict or did he taste sex to flee? You never know until you read. If you are curious to know how sex feels chances are you’ll end up regretting your first try because of the many expectations you had. 

first sex experience


Observations/ Suggestions

Special thanks to everyone who ensured good publicity for the series by posting daily updates via their social media handles. Despite the sensitivity surrounding the word ‘sex’ and backlash from rigid minds, some of you kept publicizing regardless. Sincerely, I’m taken by your kind gesture.  

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While the First Sex Experience Series was on, some parties who were unable to catch up asked if there was an e-book available for download. So I got thinking, should we create an e-book for the series? Perhaps it will also be a good idea to include all the stories that didn’t make it to the website. On the other hand, I feel the individuals who have their stories featured have a huge role in deciding whether or not. Please let me know your opinion in the comment section.

first sex experience
Spot the Logo on the book cover!!! Art by my beloved friend Onyinye Okechukwu. She is a video editor and a digital artist…and also a full-fledged Mutterer

Now the deal with the comment section! I’m curious to know why you read and zooooooommmmmmmm… are the articles so uninteresting and not cogitating enough for me to get your feedback? Remember it’s Muttering Minds, if you don’t comment your reservations here, where else? So shall we…? Let’s start with the lessons you learned from the sex series, One! Two! Ready! Go!


6 min read

Since the outbreak of the unprecedented COVID-19 virus, the world has been in a panic frenzy. Unlike any setback the world has experienced, the virus not only affects our health but has put a cloak in the wheels of our social lifestyle. 

All over the world, close to three million people have been infected with the virus with a progressive death toll currently earmarking 184,643 deaths. While this is a cause for alarm, we find comfort in celebrating survivors or should I say champions who battled with the virus, beat it to a pulp and walked away strong.  They are the reason we have hope that one day, the virus will meet it’s waterloo.

Below is an exclusive interview with a COVID-19 survivor, Charles Ifeanyi Ojukwu, a 29-year-old actor and model. He narrates in detail his battle with the deadly virus, from the point of diagnosis to treatment and recovery. 


Q- How would you say you contracted the virus?

A- I can’t really place exactly where or how I contracted the virus but I remember visiting the airport twice during the outbreak of the virus in Nigeria. I was looking for endorsement deals to boost my modelling and acting career, so I met lots of people.


Q- While awaiting your test result up until the moment it came back positive, can you take us through the symptoms you felt and the nature of thoughts that dominated your mind? 

A- When I was taken to the isolation centre after I tested positive, it wasn’t easy for me the first two days cause I was scared of what may come next. I was always moody but after some time with the help of the wonderful doctors and nurses who encouraged me frequently that the virus was not a death sentence for me and that everything will be alright, I brightened up. Their words encouraged me to feel better about myself and before you know it, my recovery process was speeding up and I began to relate with everyone in the ward.


Q- Most people only have knowledge of the virus based on what they’ve read or heard in the news, speaking from your personal experience, kindly describe the symptoms and how it affected your physical and mental health.

A- The first symptom I had was a fever, it was very severe. Initially, I thought it was malaria, so I got some drugs which lasted for three days but instead the symptom got worse. I wasn’t getting any better. Subsequently, other symptoms followed like sore throat and shortness of breath. I had a mental breakdown, it felt my thoughts followed a zig-zag pattern, could barely think straight, all I could do was get so scared. 

COVID-19 survivor

Q- Amid battling the virus, how was life in quarantine? (procedures for medication, use of respiratory, lifestyle, meeting other patients, work ethics of the medical staff etc.)

A- The doctors and nurses always came to check on us. The nurses will give us our medications and check our body system (body temperature, heartbeat, pulse & blood pressure) to be sure that we are fine. They always did that with a smile on their face. The doctors will ask how we were feeling. Their kind gesture changed my perspective about doctors, I always thought that doctors are not friendly. They also served us good meals, at a time, I started gaining weight lol, the other patients were also wonderful, we woke up in the morning to pray together and we were always encouraging ourselves, that helped me a lot.


Q- Times where you lost hope for survival, where did you find solace? What gave you the strength to keep fighting?

A-  The doctors and the nurses were a big part of my motivation. They always encouraged me to have faith, assuring me that it will pass. Also other patients I met there really encouraged me and that gave me hope. It really helped me ease my mental distress, somehow I had this cool sensation deep inside me that I was going to beat the virus.


Q- Are there areas you wish the government will look into as regards eradicating the virus?

A- Honestly, The government has done a great job already and they are still doing more in trying to contain the virus. As at the time I left there, more wards were already in construction due to the high number of cases recorded daily. However, I really wish the government could devise a strategy or maybe a machine that can detect people with the virus on time to avoid massive spread. This will also make the virus go into extinction very fast.

Read: COVID-19, The Scare And Bright Sides Of Staying IndoorsCOVID-19 survivor
Q- Has there been any form of stigmatization since you left the quarantine centre?

A- Yes there is in fact. After testing negative twice and I returned home, my landlord called a meeting and asked me why the NCDC visited in the first place which I explained to him. Immediately I mentioned that they came to test me, everyone shifted as far as they could away from me. Not only that, I also see people pointing at me and muttering words whenever I come outside my house or go to get something. But then, I have gotten used to the system and that doesn’t bother me anymore, my main joy is that I am free from the virus.


Q- What advice would you give to Nigerians especially those who say the virus is not real?

A- Well, ignorance is why I had to test positive in the first place. I never believed that the virus was real and because of that, I was reluctant in taking precaution until the virus hit me. To all Nigerians out there, I must tell you, CORONAVIRUS IS REAL, please let’s try as much as possible to stay safe by taking precautionary measures like washing your hands regularly, wearing nose masks, staying at home, if you have to be out, stay some meters away from people especially anyone coughing or sneezing. If you feel symptoms of the virus, do well to contact the NCDC. Also lets endeavour to be our brother’s keeper. If you know someone who is having symptoms of the virus, encourage the person to contact the NCDC. You are not only saving yourself when you do that but saving more people’s life. I believe if we can do all these, soon, we will all get back to our normal lives.

Read: COVID 19- Is Wisdom No Longer Profitable To Direct?COVID-19 survivor
Q- Having a close shave with death, has life been simplified for you? What are some of the vital lessons you learnt and what will you do differently going forward?

A- Yes, Yes and Yes again. Battling with coronavirus really humbled me, in fact, I have a different perspective on life now. Seeing that the patients in the ward were a blend of different classes of people in the society, It made me realize that everyone is equal in the sight of God and we should always treat anyone we see out there as our brothers and sisters no matter the level we find them. Also, information is key, we should always weigh whatever we hear, get the real facts and then draw our conclusions. For me, I now examine every information that comes to me because knowledge is power. Going forward, I have serious plans of reaching out to the poor in the society in my own little way. These people are also human, I have a great passion to put a smile on their face and I pray God gives me the resources and strength to achieve this.


Note: It wasn’t easy for Ojukwu to tell his story due to many triggers surrounding it, but here you are, reading it. I hope you learn something. If you are one of those doubting the existence of the virus, remember to be forewarned is forearmed. Be kind to leave him some words of encouragement.

4 min read

My first sex experience was remarkable. Everything I expected and more.

Some backstory. For the longest time, I thought there was something “wrong” with me sexually. I couldn’t masturbate. I was terrified of sex and extremely scared of penises. I was convinced I’d never have sex.

Fast forward to my (ex) boyfriend. I told him this when we were friends, he was very understanding. Once we started dating, he assured me we could do as much or as little as I was comfortable with. We started off slow, spending a month and a half getting familiar with our bodies and what made us tick.

first sex experience
Something just told us today was the day.

No one was home. We were getting ready to leave for dinner (it was a surprise for his birthday). Something just told us today was the day. I was filled with anticipation as he double-checked that the condom was in place. I was so excited. He held my hand and asked me if I was sure about this. It was his first time too. I assured him I was more than sure.

And honest to God, as cliche and cheesy as this is, it was “magical.” I didn’t feel any pain. Just pure pleasure. He was gentle in all the right ways and not so gentle at all the right times. My boyfriend had been in love with me for a while but I just “liked” him. But something inside me changed. It felt as if we were now connected by body and soul, cheesy as FUCK, I know. I was filled with so much love for him at that moment. We both felt it. In the middle of it all, I declared “I love you.”

First sex experience
And honest to God, as cliche and cheesy as this is, it was “magical.” I didn’t feel any pain. Just pure pleasure.

We lasted a while. We were late for dinner. His friends knew what was up, it was written all over our faces. My feelings of love didn’t disappear once it was over. It was one of the best moments of my life. Although he’s no longer in my life, I will continue to cherish it.


First Sex Experience Series:

Whether you’ve had a lot of sex experiences or none at all, two things are certain: If you’ve had sex, you can never forget your first experience even though as time goes on it might become tiny fragments in your imagination. And if you haven’t had sex, you are most times likely to catch yourself picturing how the first time will be. 

There are several facts and myths surrounding having sex for the first time, it varies per gender.

An Approved List of Things That Can Go Into Your Vagina – SheKnows

For Females:
  • Compulsory pain and bleeding.
  • Becoming clingy to their first sex partner.
  • Body changes.
  • Feeling of regret or remorse (especially depending on circumstances surrounding).
For Males:
  • Overt excitement.
  • Ego boost.
  • Increase in penis size.
  • Looking forward to more sex adventure


First-Time Sex: 20 Questions About Losing Your Virginity, Answered ...

While these are based on collective generalizations, a lot of virgins are unsure about what to expect. Losing one’s virginity is a unique experience, despite prior knowledge about sex and daydreams, you cannot be certain it will match your expectations or fall short except you try. 

You’re probably wondering why I’m all about sex today right? Well to wrap up the month of April starting from the 27th up until May 4th, 2020, we’ll be sharing stories about our first sex experience (#FirstSexExperienceSeries).

First sex experience

Why are we doing this? Asides from the fact that curiosity makes us drawn to the untold stories of people, sex ranks among the shyest topics. People avoid it especially their first experience. So I thought, why not give people a platform to talk about their first sex experience with the sole purpose of narrating it in a didactic way. There’s a lot to learn.

Sex means different things to a lot of people. To some it is the best kind of intimacy/ bonding with their significant other, to some it is a sacred act, to some it is only a duty and to some, for mere pleasure. I don’t know how true it is but I read somewhere that whatever sex means to a person goes a long way in defining who they really are. Also, what it means to an individual could change as they experience life.

Did You Miss Our First Series? Click Here

7 Naughty Ways to Surprise Your Man in Bed | CafeMom

How was your first sex experience? Is it worth learning from no matter the circumstances surrounding it? Is it one you’ll love to share? If yes, the following are vital questions your story should provide answers to if they must be featured.

  • At what age did you lose your virginity?
  • Would you say it was the right time or due to pressure?
  • Did the experience meet your expectations?
  • How did you feel afterwards? (body changes, psychologically, socially)
  • Did it make your relationship better or worse? More intimate/clingy?
  • Were there any regrets?
  • Did you look forward to a second time?
  • What does sex mean to you?
  • Is sex is overrated?
  • What advice would you give to virgins?

It is important that you stay truthful in telling your story, you never know who is learning. All stories should be sent using the ‘Submit Story’ page. If you wish to remain anonymous, kindly indicate in your story. Thank you for your willingness in advance, I can’t wait!


First Sex Experience Story source- Dana Koussa on


5 min read

While a good number of people hold dearly the factors that define ‘marriage’, which include commitment, growth and staying faithful to the ‘for better or worse’ oath, there is a rigid percentage who hold that marriage should have an expiry date because of the mystery that accompanies change.

The grouping above was influenced by a now-viral tweet which held that “One day, you’ll meet someone who’s more fascinating than your partner, get ready to fight your own self and be content with what you have.”

What’s your biggest fear when it comes to marriage?

“Scary stuff. Marriage is supposed to have an expiry date sha. Just because of situations like this. People evolve and so do their alignments. People also outgrow people. What happens when you outgrow your spouse”… Here! a response to the tweet which stood out for me and got me thinking. 

As a single lady, my biggest fear is finding ‘The One’, walking down the aisle and afterwards my marriage metamorphoses into something I cannot recognize. I perfectly understand the angle both tweeps are leveraging on,  and I’ll break it down in the best way I feel and then leave you to state yours. Fine right?

When it metamorphoses into something you cannot recognize

When Distraction Threatens ‘I DO’

Distractions don’t always look like distractions until they distract you. It is like someone who’s starting to get addicted to a drug, and when you hint them of their excessive use, they maintain they are in control and before you know it, it becomes too late to get out. 

Asides from the perks that come with marriage, it is a union wherein both parties come to an agreement to stay committed, disciplined, and content come what may. Anyone can easily say that they would stay content and fight the urge to misbehave in their marriage but can they really? 

The 'Distracted Boyfriend' Meme Photographer Explains All | WIRED

She is not in the league of the models in the magazine you’ll normally picture whenever you wank, yet you put a ring on it. He is not as intellectual as the men you met before him who equally had some captivating six-packs, yet you said ‘I do’. The irony of specs. So what happens after you are married and you finally come in contact with the model in the magazine and she’s willing to take you on an adventure? To put an icing on the cake, her show of intelligence gets you, she loves your kind of music and seems to get you without having to explain so much, unlike your wife who’s seemingly ‘nagging’. 

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?

From spending a lot of time with the sexy six-packed gentleman at work, you deviate to having more personal talks like telling him things your husband does that you don’t like. Gradually, you are sinking, from work hours it extends to before bedtime conversations and as mischief loves to play, your husband is caught up in some cosy chats with his fantasy turned reality model.

As mischief loves to play

At this point, denial sets in.  You know full well what’s happening but you think you can handle it. You see, it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. We are all made of strengths and deficiencies, walking down the aisle does not erase our deficiencies nor does it wield our strength. Be good friends with your spouse. Good friends communicate about everything and anything no matter how silly. If the gentleman keeps calling you after work hours, discuss it! Like the way you tell that fantasy model about different sex styles you relish, let your wife know.

Read The Communication Mistakes Almost Every Couple Makes

Exchanging marital vows is not a repellant to distraction. Distractions are bound to happen, and when it does, two things are involved, it either brings the couple closer, so they can work on the defects in their marriage or it brings an end to the chapter of that marriage.  You will always find someone more fascinating than your spouse, financially, physically or mentally. If you communicate often and truthfully with your spouse, there should be no cause for alarm. 

Communication is key. Be willing

An Expiry Date?

Except for contract marriages, I don’t think anyone who is head over heels in love with their partner would go into marriage with the notion that after several years, it should expire. A lot of people say marriage is scary because they fear ‘change’. 

You see, all things are transitory, likewise human beings. Change is good but equally scary especially when it is not in our favour (especially in a case where the other party is taking giant steps and keeping up becomes exhausting). If you woke up one morning to see that your spouse has altered in behaviour, what measures will you take? Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight, change is like an army of ants trying to build an anthill, little by little, the worker ants dig the subterranean tunnels and in no time it materializes. Suddenly you’re wondering how it came to be. Sometimes even the person who is accused of change doesn’t even know they have changed. Now, this is a topic for another day.

For better and forever!

Like you are not the same person 10 years ago, your partner is not too; marriage does not stop you from changing. It is very possible for partners to outgrow each other, could be financially, sexually, career-wise, preferences or even spiritually. For instance, If presently, you love to have coffee and bread every morning with your wife, chances are that one party will fall out of love for it faster than the other. This shows that even in the tiniest ways, partners can outgrow each other. 

It is impossible but equally tameable to outgrow one’s partner, it doesn’t mean the marriage should come to an end. If there is active listening, communication and love, then marriage should not have an expiry date. 

Don’t you admire loving even when you are old and grey?

If after all these you feel marriage should have an expiry date then the ball is in your court. But I hope it’s not for the sake of starting all over with someone new, that will be some ugly big joke on you because change will always play its role. Here’s what my friend Toyosi said, “irrespective of the fact that some of us had a very strict upbringing and stern parents, we still haven’t tossed them away, rather every year we celebrate them and sing their praises on different social media platforms, we should apply the same to our partners.”

Single or dating? Married or divorced? Let’s talk. How do you handle a distraction? As for marriages having expiry dates, would you say I trashed the topic? 


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