Ad
MUTTERERS CLUB

Bad Husband! Bad Father!

Writer- Anonymous
Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr
7 min read

I recall vividly my happiest moment as a child,  it was the day I finally bid home farewell to boarding school. An opportunity most of my age mates only felt less excited for because obviously, it was their first time being away from home, and importantly, they’ll miss the care from family and the feeling of existing in a sound place called home. Why was I happy to leave home? Home was a slaughterhouse! My father being the butcher and me, my mum and my siblings were the scapegoats. Hardly a week went by without any of us getting a deep bleeding wound, courtesy of my father. It was either a swollen skin, swollen eyes or head, or a cut anywhere else. Tell you what, at age nine, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure.

Home was not a safe haven, boarding school was for me. I barely came home for the holidays. I just stayed in school, participating in every kind of extracurricular activity ( cricket, basketball, etc.),  anything to help me stay far away from my father. The times I was mandated to come home was unforgivable, as the calendar ticked closer to the holidays, my heart leaped for fear.

i am scared of my father
Image source- TV Fanatic

Let Me Tell You About My Father

Have you ever met a man so cruel enough to admire seeing your skin bleed,  yet benevolent in providing you with the facilities you need to navigate life? He brutalized us at will in the name of discipline even for the littlest things like mistakenly breaking a plate, misplacing items, etc. Name the weapons, cable wire, cutlass, his hands, and his energetic way of throwing anything he sees on sight at you. We constantly had family members and our neighbors coming to our aid most times. Often times, those who come to our aid went home irritated and angry, worst case they became the enemy of the family. And I, my mom, and siblings were made to inherit the enmity created by my dad.

For Further Discussions and Bants, Click Here to Join Our Telegram Channel / Chatroom

Our family was on the watch list of the whole community, so when we went out to play with other kids their parents always warned them not to play with us for fear of encountering my dad.  The fear of him made our subconscious mind and hearing accustomed to his car honk seven blocks away. Not just us, but the neighbors, ‘go inside o, your dad is coming!’ they often alerted us, likewise they running inside too.

how to know your child is depressed

It was the norm for 18 years of my life living under his roof. As I write this article, I have this very huge scar on my left shoulder that went through 32 stitches. YES! MY DAD DID IT! He used a very sharp cutlass on me, his SON, simply because I was caught communicating with my mum over the phone. She had fled the hell called home because she had it worse than we did. I still look at the scar and remember  9-11 -2008, coincidentally, it was the same day. When the world talks about the famous 9-11 event, I can only remember the wickedness of my father. 

His Benevolence 

The comforting part of his shortcomings was that we never lacked. He is very hardworking and competent in provision. He doesn’t joke with Education, he would help with my physics and geography assignments but mathematics was a tormenting ride with him. For every time I got an answer wrong, he would either whip me, slap me hard until my eyes were stained with blood. One time he held my head and scrubbed my mouth on the floor, I bleed my meat out of my lips. 

Stay Updated!!! Click Here To Follow Us On Twitter

Beaten Black Children by their fathers

And yeah, to dilute his wickedness, he would compensate with a shopping spree. He bought us the latest toys, and my mum the finest wrappers that showcased her as a beautiful Delta Igbo woman. She would put them on with a smile but only a wise man could tell it was a facade. She lived in deep regret.

A Conjugal Warfare

For as long I could remember, my mum was in grief throughout her marriage with him. I never experienced a share of genuine love between them. She would get brutalized for mere quarrels with him and also when she tried to intercede whenever he was beating us cats and dogs. I can never forget her midnight wailings that God should change him, but it only got worse.

Read: Are You Worried About the Disgrace or…

Back then,  we were Catholics and how ironic, my dad was the chairman of the Catholic Men Organisation (CMO). He was not only famous for his numerous donations but also revered as righteous. This made my mum not to confide in anyone in church but instead decided to try other denominations with hopes to get saved from her husband’s brutality.

my father beats my mother

One Sunday after we came back from morning mass, there was a misunderstanding between my mom and my dad that resulted in my mom swimming in a pool of blood gushing from her head.  My dad could care less. I witnessed him sitting comfortably on his ottoman chair watching  ‘People’s Palava’ on MITV. And while she was crying for help, he looked at her with spite and said ‘I am the God in this family, I can take any of you’s life without questioning’.   I was only 15, but I was made to carry the cross of assisting my bleeding mum to the toilet for safety before going over to call our family friend’s whom my dad respected so much.

For Evening Juices, Click Here To Follow Us On Instagram!

They heard my cry and drove me to the Rev Father who followed us home. Shockingly,  my mom was ok and her wound had been dressed by our neighbor who is a nurse. However, the most disappointing of it all was seeing my mom in the kitchen cooking for him. The reverend father advised my mom to leave the marriage for her life …GBAM !!! if a reverend could say this, then you know it’s that bad. My mom hesitated leaving because of her kids, she adores us so much. But eventually after I finished secondary school,  she finally got divorced. Now she is happily married and owns a home in Texas, she  also co-owns an orphanage home with her husband.

divorcee finding love again

The Cause And Effect

My mum left without us because he refused, but at the age of 18, I was able to run away without looking back. The experience made me grow up faster. As the first child, I was responsible for my mum and sibling’s mental state. Now we look back and smile at our experience, though sometimes it lingers in my mom’s mind and she sheds tears but she wipes them and smiles. 

Read: Child to Child Cruelty; These Scars May Never Die

Before our freedom, I noticed my siblings, also males were starting to show tendencies of aggression. It was tilting to become like my dad’s, if care was not taken. I had to constantly nip it in the bud by showing them gentlemanly ways. I knew it was the side effect of the many tormenting experience living with my dad and it could most likely mar them for life. I say this because the brutality my dad showed was a result of his upbringing.  He was also brutalized by his father, and the brutality was also extended to his mother. My dad’s childhood damaged him. He couldn’t give us love because he was never shown love.  I have myself in control, because right from time, I knew there was more to all the bad emotions that occupied our home. I found peace living in my head (imaginations), I created a better family, a better experience, a better reaction compared to the reaction in my reality, all in my head (imagination). I looked forward to my own happiness, I knew it would come one day, I learned how to deal with all my demons ( fear, anxiety, depression, hate, etc)  and replaced them with the opposite. I didn’t let his wickedness infect me. All I do now is make sure my siblings are surrounded with so much love, so they can be exemplary.

my bad father black brothers love

Now the only relationship I have with my dad is business talks and that’s because he has what I need (funds and connections). Deep down I know he regrets his actions, he tries to show it sometimes but I  just ignore the signs and let him drown in his guilt of being a bad father and a bad husband. Frankly, I do not have any hatred for him, nor do I wish that my childhood was different. Rather the experience has made me conscious of being a good man, an attribute I might have lacked. I might have lacked empathy if I hadn’t experienced the lack of it. It made me learn that emotions are a luxury. The fact that people have the ability to show some emotions in excess doesn’t mean it is normal. Like I put in effort in my job, I put in the effort with good emotions too. It makes me satisfied.

For Further Discussions and Bants, Click Here to Join Our Telegram Channel / Chatroom

Now you, how would you describe the method of training by your parents? Did it make you the man or woman that you are today? Also, do you agree that the best form of discipline is by beating a child? And if you grew up in a warzone like mine, with a tormenting father (or mother), please lets learn of your experience in the comment section😪👇.

4.6 11 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
67 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago

This story ehn😪😪. 

Today we discuss our parents! Their collective parenting styles and individual behaviour. Was your childhood experience a warzone or a love affair? How did it affect you as a child and also now as an adult?

Common! Let’s learn from each other’s experiences.  To begin, leave us a comment about yours🤗

0001-7558792684_20210909_221000_0000.png
Seyi Vandy
Seyi Vandy
17 days ago

There’s discipline and there’s torture. Like in school, you can feel when the teacher takes pleasure in flogging children and that one is just showing traits of dishing out evil over people smaller than you. If you don’t discipline your children like Jordan Peterson would say “society will do it for you”, and it might be without the loving hand to draw them back like you would have as a parent, though beating is not the only form of discipline and how much is really enough to justify brutalising a child. For abuse part, people live in terror and it’s… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Seyi Vandy

So many piercing takes from your comment, thank you!! I like that you made it clear that flogging is not the only form of discipline because for obvious reasons when people especially in this part of the world hear ‘discipline’, their mind automatically translates to flogging/wickedness. I used to be guilty of thinking the same too. Kindness can be a form of discipline, but many don’t get the drift. About having the power to take lives, there are many heartless parents parading this planet. We see it on the news almost daily. These so called parents suffer from botherline entitlement,… Read more »

Bubu
Bubu
17 days ago
Reply to  Seyi Vandy

Now that you’ve hit all the points and left nothing, what do you expect us to say? Anyways Seyi Good Morning, Muttering minds ututu-oma!

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Bubu

😂😂😂😂😂 there’s still a lot. Like sharing your own experience with your parents. Not necessarily bad 😄

Seyi Vandy
Seyi Vandy
17 days ago
Reply to  Bubu

😂 😂 solli, i will be leaving points for others🤣

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Seyi Vandy

This is how proud people apologise😂😂. They dilute it with humor🙄.

Seyi Vandy
Seyi Vandy
17 days ago

😂😂 i know nothing of that which you speak😌

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Seyi Vandy

Exactly! Another sign of pride 😂😂

Merit Koko
Merit Koko
17 days ago

Ewwweeeee *in pawpaw voice*. I’m not trying to be funny, this story is so cruel. All I can think of is that we make more awareness in society that it is okay not to get married or have kids.  Truth be told, your father never wanted a wife or kids. He is a narcissist, he wanted servants, and living with someone like that means you must bow. Compared to my mummy, my dad was the beating type. The highest he’s used was pankere sha (cane). Many times I always felt he hated me but growing up I realised that he… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Merit Koko

A narcissist he is truly. Judging from his childhood, rather than feel irritation towards his own father, he couldn’t wait to be like him. He was attracted to the evil behaviour. There’s a term for this but I don’t remember the name. It’s one of the many side effects of abuse, some victims get attracted to their abusers and crave to be like them.

Yes please! Let’s normalise that it’s okay not to want marriage or kids😪.

Andrew Isaac
Andrew Isaac
17 days ago

Stockholm syndrome

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Andrew Isaac

O yes, that’s the name. Thank you

Merit Koko
Merit Koko
17 days ago

Still considering if i really want marriage sha. Until then, i keep my fingers crossed

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Merit Koko

Hmmmm will be working on a piece on this topic soon, please send a mail if you’ll like a feature. Email address is; mutteringminds@gmail.com

Thank you.

Merit Koko
Merit Koko
17 days ago

This wont be bad actually☺, we need to normalise this things. Is there a way I can set post notifications?

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Merit Koko

Yes it’s at the bottom right of the blog. A red bell-like icon. Click on it and follow the instructions. Thank you 🙌

Merit Koko
Merit Koko
17 days ago

Thank you

Cee
Cee
17 days ago

There is discipline and torture, both aren’t the same to me. Beating and other hard form aren’t discipline to me. I grew up having such kind of father but not to such extend of yours though but it was he’ll to me as well. My mom could only wallow in pain and rather love and comfort us she releases her bitterness on us. Such upbringing is bad and isn’t healthy at all. I didn’t make me a better person rather am dying in low self esteem even as an adult. The good thing is that you realised it isn’t a… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Cee

Awww low esteem issues, I have a share of that too and it’s due to the style of parenting also😪.

Your mum though, nothing new actually. I’ve heard of mothers who transfer the aggression they feel towards their poorly behaved husbands to their kids. I even have a somewhat close relationship with a mum who is so pissed that her child looks like his father. It’s usually the trigger for her and she starts to hit him.

It’s really not healthy.

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

Wow! It must really be hard for the boy, I can’t even imagine what he must be going through.

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  dosbambi

I swear

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

This is one of the many important reasons why we all have to be look beyond beauty, sex and money to choose a partner o… Cos, money, sex n beauty have really become very strong a thing for marriage now.

We all need to do better!

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  dosbambi

Very true. Like they say, the signs are always there except we choose to ignore them🤧

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

Yes, the problem with many is…just because of the sex and money today, they think they can cope or change the person tomorrow…and sign up for a life of misery, and then be giving marriage bad image.

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  dosbambi

Gbam!!

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

Very unfortunate…

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

Hmmmm, I can relate to this so well…cos I have a similar story, only that, not as bad as this. In my childhood, I saw my dad showed his anger problem in grand style. My dad is very funny and jovial, don’t just make him get angry, cos when he does, he becomes the opposite in a blink of an eye. My mom is a strong will woman, who had no formal education…so, they had plenty of issues, which met plenty of fight. When my dad is not angry, we all want to be with him, but when he is… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  dosbambi

😂😂😂😂😂 First let me laugh at the driving part. When I’m in the car with my dad, we barely say shit to each other cause of his strictness. But I dare not sleep o, especially if I’m the one in front. Countless times my dad seized my phone for chatting or making midnight calls😂😂😂. Yeah you pointed out something, with age, some of them let go of the many anger. But it does not vanish totally. For my dad, he’s a bit kind to me now, but I still see his angry persona come alive when he relates with his… Read more »

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

First, let me apologize for the many errors in my comment above. I didn’t proof read it.

My dad still “parade” his angry persona till now, and that’s why he’s always changing his staff…and he still does the same thing with our last born.

Being a Yoruba family, it’s quite hard to correct him, with causing wahala… especially, because I’m not the first child or the first son.

I believe in second chances, and giving people a chance to change, but the person must be sincere and ready to change.

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  dosbambi

😂😂😂 the whole staff thing. For mine, most of them japaa o🤧.

Yorubas and calculated respect lol 🥴

dosbambi
dosbambi
17 days ago

Uju, na our way be that o. It is inside the blood. 🤣🤣🤣

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  dosbambi

I know 😂😂

Flora
Flora
17 days ago

Your Father acted as a Bad father and also a bad Husband.. His actions are not justifiable in any way. He acted cruelly and that wasn’t an act of discipline.
The only part am so grateful for is that u never chose his parts. U are indeed a strong fellow and you will make a good Father and Husband

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Flora

Thank you for this! There’s no way in heaven or earth to justify such cruelty, especially against your own🤧

Zhee
Zhee
17 days ago

This reminds me of Kambili’s father in purple hibiscus by Chimamanda Adichie… Tho I’ll love to refer to him as “Kambili’s wicked father” becauseeeeeeee, how can one be soooo wicked and claim it to be disciplin??? I remember the scene where he carried Kambili to the bath tub and poured hot water on her while she was shouting and crying… Just doesn’t make sense!
Our generation fathers Should do better plssssss. Y’all have to do better!

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Zhee

Yeah right! Purple Hibiscus hits home. Sincerely, not just fathers, but mothers as well.

WHAT WILL YOUR KIDS SAY ABOUT YOU! anyone who must have kids must hold this line sacrosanct. Except they really don’t care.

Zhee
Zhee
17 days ago

Yeaaa
You’re right…
There’s a lot of work to do…

Keep me anon
Keep me anon
17 days ago

I thought I was reading about my dad, the only difference is the scenarios. As a matter of fact, I had to call my siblings to join me in reading.  We still live with him, it’s still hell, it gets worse every day. I believe it’s an undiagnosed mental illness. My mother today cannot see well with her left eye because the wicked man kicked her there. Everyday I want to react, but my mother is the my God will fight person, she doesn’t want to leave the marriage too. My father is very respected in our area and with… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Keep me anon

Hmmmm🥺🥺… can you plead with your mum to get you all out? Escape now that she’s still breathing, except she doesn’t value her life. And if she doesn’t, doesn’t she value the life of her kids? When I hear stories like this, I always wish that the victim is not dependent on the tormentor for survival (finance). This treatment is enough to clear whatever love she has for him out of her eyes.

YOU NEED TO LEAVE 🥺

Haikyuu
Haikyuu
17 days ago

Violence begets violence

muttering minds
Admin
17 days ago
Reply to  Haikyuu

🥴🥴

King
King
16 days ago

Hmm
Thank God, your case ends well because the case is heartbreaking.
I am happy for you.

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  King

Yeah, could have been worse. Thank you for reading 🤗

Tunde
Tunde
16 days ago

I really feel for this poster. As someone who grew up in a mixed home, I don’t know how to react. My dad as opposed to the poster’s is a dove. He never raised his voice or beat any of his children. Provided ALL we needed and extra. Always there to spoil us rotten, especially me the last born. I can’t imagine my childhood without this loving man in it. He is a good husband too but not as perfect as he is a father. He places his children above his wives in his scale of preference and doesn’t see… Read more »

20210318_184102.jpg
muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  Tunde

😂😂😂😂 this is a hilarious read especially with the use of emojis and yes ke, you remain our sticker lord😂😂 I love that you enjoyed two sides of the coin and know even better now that you’re grown. Your mum is like my mum too in the light of having to resume school on the appointed day. If you like be sick anyhow, you must go to school 😂😂😂. I envied kids who resumed late and had the backing of their parents 😭😭 Frankly, your experience is a breath of fresh air judging by the polygamous stories I hear. Kudos… Read more »

Tunde
Tunde
16 days ago

Flies collar. 🤤🤤🤤🤤 See ehn, one time in primary school, I went to school with small pox 😩😩😩. My mom just couldn’t let me stay home. It wasn’t until my class teacher sent me back home she let me be. Teachers will even beat some children and their parents will come to school to fight. Ahhhhhhhhh! Could never be my mom 😭😭😭 she’ll say a teacher cannot just beat a pupil and you must’ve done something wrong 😒😒😒. Both wives lived in different cities so we were good. I didn’t even see my stepmother till I was 14. Yeah, we… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  Tunde

😂😂😂😂 this is so my mum, until the school permits any of us to sit at home, there’s no way mehn. She will never fight a teacher too. One time I told her how my teacher beat me, instead of at least showing sympathy, she said “if they beat you and its paining you, better cry. Don’t hold tears o” 😭😭

Meanwhile you and your mum performed ‘cautioned embezzlement’ 😂😂 I like this kind of government 😂😂

Tunde
Tunde
15 days ago

Our moms! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

YKTV mehn 😎😎😎.

muttering minds
Admin
15 days ago
Reply to  Tunde

😂😂😂😂😂 I’m laughing because I had to google the meaning of YKTV. Jeez! Never heard such urban abbreviation in my life 🤭

Amara
Amara
16 days ago

There is a thin line between discipline and torture. This was sheer torture and to add, wickedness. What makes me wonder the most is how do people find pleasure in hurting someone you love? He might not have loved the mom, but he made those children, he would have had felt something deep for them. How does he now inflict pain on them and he was okay? Dayum!

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  Amara

Like!! I feel he got no love for any of them. And for him to be this way to them, I can’t even begin to imagine what he can do to a total stranger🥺

Amara
Amara
16 days ago

Swears. It will be worse. Imagine what he does to his staff or subordinates.
This wickedness be like Buhari trouser tailor

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  Amara

😭😭 even Bubu caught stray bullet. He deserves it sha 🤭

Amara
Amara
16 days ago

🤣🤣🤣

Wole
Wole
16 days ago

I have seen so many comments about this that suggests that my theory may be accurate about parenting and upbringing in this part of the world. First of, a lot of people are carrying mental scars and PTSD from their time as children and ended up transferring their experiences on their children and wards. This does not excuse folks that are just pure evil though. The man in this story is obviously damaged for many reasons. But then, taking the role of Devils advocate, our parents didn’t actually know better though. Many saw their kids as extention of themselves and… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  Wole

Thank you Wole, you’ve spoken well. It’s actually tempting for parents to see their kids as an extension of themselves. More like a birth right for having birth them lol. They want the kids to want what they want and stuff. Even some mentors are this entitled, so I don’t entirely blame parents. It’s also parenting nature to compare. Once one method works for a particular child, parents want the rest to follow suit. I like that things are changing, people are learning more about personality types especially when it comes to training kids. I read somewhere today that children… Read more »

JoG
JoG
16 days ago

Dear writer, thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you have grown in self awareness, and making choices that would make you do differently from your father. We accelerate on our journey of healing and becoming more matured adults when we get to the point of realization that our parents did the best they could, with what they knew. If they knew better, they would do better. That helps us forgive them, and decide to do better. As for me, growing up was strict. My dad was the typical Phlegmatic who only beats once in a long while,… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  JoG

Hmmmm ‘If they knew better, they would do better’…this is mostly the case. Although we know some got their heart soaked in wickedness, very far from redemption lol 🤭.

I am starting to think that teachers kids face similar heat with pastor’s Kids. The drive to be excellent at all cost, but teachers no dey preach o, what they mainly understand is flogging (especially non-millenial teachers).

@love them as a duty🥴 Maybe one day, we’ll shake this table using family as a case study (siblings and parents inclusive). Too sensitive 🤧

Like you said, we meuve!

JoG
JoG
16 days ago

Now imagine when your mother is both a Government Tisha and a Sunday School Tisha.

Chuckles

muttering minds
Admin
16 days ago
Reply to  JoG

😂😂😂😂 double dose! Chop cane first, then preaching follows. If care is not taken you chop another round of cane after the preaching to be sure the advice sunk in. 😂😂😂

Anonymous
Anonymous
15 days ago

One day I’ll be bold enough to say mine. My old man never beat me but he psychologically broke me that my mother and my sister took time to fix me up.

This guy’s own is worse due to beating but it’s quite similar to mine. Some parents similar weren’t meant to be fathers nor mothers at all.

muttering minds
Admin
15 days ago
Reply to  Anonymous

🥺🥺 I’ve heard some people say they prefer to be flogged rather than have some words said to them. Thank God you had your mum and sister as a great support system.

Whenever you find the courage to share, we’ll be here🤗

Nkechi
Nkechi
15 days ago

Joining the train late but hopefully not too late. I’m proud of who you have become and what you made out of your circumstances,you’re a strong man. I grew up in a balanced home basically,mum and dad did their best,some of their methods were not to my liking but being that I’m now grown I can understand their intentions better than I could then,they weren’t much for beating me but they did that to my siblings,I received more of punishments and some pretty hard words too but I’d say I owe alot of who I am to my upbringing and… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
15 days ago
Reply to  Nkechi

Well it’s never too late to join the train 😄. Thankfully you’re proud of who you are, and that’s a big win.

“They weren’t much for beating me but they did that to my siblings” this sounds like last child statement lol🤭. Are you?

OYINEMI
OYINEMI
13 days ago

This is why kids shouldn’t be exposed to violence at an early age , see what one man’s mistake causes his child ( The father ) & his grand children you guys, why would someone hit people in the first place

muttering minds
Admin
13 days ago
Reply to  OYINEMI

Yeah right🥺

67
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x