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STOP THE DECEIT! Whoever you are Dating Owes you

Writer- Jules Jeremiah
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4 min read

“Never expect anything from your partner”, this is one of the biggest lies people, especially the aliens on social media quickly scream at your face. 

The idea of being ‘zero expectant’ in a relationship is a virus that was created by folks who were deeply hurt from a fun-ship. Those ones who have hit rock bottom in a series of failed relationships under the aegis of “I am just passing time”. Now it has become a cupid pandemic slowly destroying beautiful relationships. 

How to Deal With Disappointment in a Relationship: 14 Steps

Relating this to my experience, I fell in love with a guy who seemed supportive and was a sarcastic preacher of “don’t expect anything from whoever you are dating”. And well, because I didn’t want my boo considering me being a bother, I had to consciously carve myself a niche around the ‘miss independent’ zone of which I’m relatively grateful. 

Donate A Penny

Fast forward to when the ship sailed>>> we were pursuing a contract that was highly profitable, we did put in collective efforts to make it a reality. Hallelujah🙌🙌,  my nigga was awarded the contract of over five million naira. The joy was contagious. Although it was his thing, it was still mine. I mean I was the loving girlfriend who held his hands throughout the storm, even before the contract pursuit. Not like I demanded any money, but there are some things only common sense can teach a man.

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?
dating
He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed.

Well, common sense became a scarce commodity. At this point, his behavior started fluctuating. He hung me in the dark for several months. Made profits of over five million naira and made all sorts of miscellaneous expenses till he was two hundred thousand naira down. This was when the scales fell from his eyes. He suddenly remembered his super understanding girlfriend existed. Lamenting to me, he went on babbling on how he wished he never went silent on me, how he was hoping I’ll make relentless efforts to reach out in guiding him through on how to make investments. And how it’s all gone down the drain with nothing to hang on to but my support.  

READ: The 8 Things You Should Expect From A Relationship

Please laugh with me😂😂😂. Mind you, he said all these seeking comfort and a shoulder to cry on. “Hello bae, I don’t have shoulders anymore. I can’t find mine as I sold them in exchange for zero expectations”. This was my response and the last straw for me as I took a bow out of the relationship. Yes, that was a deal-breaker for me. And to date, I’m glad I didn’t continue in that joke of a situationship.

dating owe
Are you in a situationship?

The truth is I expected some money out of it. I deserved it! I earned it! No one can tell me otherwise. If a man expects me to be with him when the chips are down, he should be ready to feed me some french fries when the chips are up. It’s simple logic. No one should tell me he doesn’t owe me shit because hell yeah he does.

Donate A Penny

“Stop expecting anything from whoever you are dating”… yen yen yen… This is one of the lies you tell yourself. You don’t believe yourself every time you say it but then you say it regardless because you don’t want your intentions to be perceived wrongly. I get you but you see, quit the deceit. Whether you like it or not, whoever you are dating owes you. 

Read: Long Distance Relationship Is A Scam! Except…
Dating
It is not gold-digging, it is your right!

There is a reason they say that man’s love is fickle, it is who we are, or are you Jesus Christ? Asides from expecting monetary gains which not everyone will get to enjoy in their relationship, whoever you are dating owes you a certain level of love, care, attention, transparency, emotions, explanation, time, and all whatnot. The moment you decide to take it to the next level with someone, best believe you owe them and they owe you too. That is why it is called ‘a relationship’. There is nothing like “we are just going with the flow”, how does that even sound? Crap right? Because it is absolute crap.

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How can I invest my love, care, attention, emotions, and in fact all of me, and then you say you don’t owe me? You must be joking. Let’s stop deceiving ourselves, please. 🙄

 

 

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Wana
Wana
4 months ago

Yess sis. !! I Stan this over and over again. When you move with the mindset that they don’t owe you anything, then you’ll get nothing and unfortunately they’ll give it all to the next person who believes she does deserve it and you loose loose. I’m talking about money, gifts, attention, affection,love, all of it, I want it all and I deserve it. Thank God you walked out of the relationship.

Bubu
Bubu
4 months ago
Reply to  Wana

My dear I second this your comment, because I can relate to it. Truly when you move with that mindset you won’t get anything, and it’s so difficult staying in such relationship because you know you want to be spoiled and pampered but you aren’t getting it. The worst is when there’s another uncle by the side who’s chasing you with all sorts of ‘orishirishi’

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

At this point what do you do? Follow broda with orishirishi or 😂😂😂. A tough call indeed.

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

😂😂😂 The moment when you’re caught in-between making tough decisions. Will broda make this money soon enough? When he does will he be true to me?
OR
Will orishirishi not tag me a gold digger lydis?
At this point just talk to God my sister 😂

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Wana

The ladies are loving this even more 😂😂😂… if I say I stan this, some men will unstan me. Let me be neutral 😂😂. But the post is very balanced for both gender, isn’t it? 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago

Yes Muttering Minds, it is. It’s indeed very balanced. I just feel the opposite sex are beginning to forget the three Ps of manhood or maybe not. It could be a response from a subconscious state of hurt from failed relationships they invested so much in. Hello Adams, even the Eves get dumped too after investing everything. This post is not gender specific, everyone should expect. Brothers, expect. Sisters, expect. Thank you 😘

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Wana

Yes Wana, you deserve all of it, we all do💪. Cos it’s totally insane to believe that you shouldn’t expect anything from a relationship you’ve invested so much in. Thanks for agreeing with me on this dear 🤗. Please spread the message

Cynthia
Cynthia
4 months ago

Absolutely. If you continue saying they don’t own you anything, someine out there will be using straw to be suck what you deserve. Always go for what you deserve and don’t deny yourself the love, affection, care,attention,gifts and lotsee more. Thank God you came out of the situationaShip.

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Cynthia

Straw or host?? 😂😂😂😂

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago

😂😂😂 don’t leave me

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Cynthia

Thank you Cynthia, I’m glad I walked out of the situationship 😂.
It’s important to know your worth and stand your grounds. It’s your investment and you deserve to reap from it. Spread the message dear💪

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
4 months ago

I am scarcely one to quickly run to the defense of the “male”, but I think what would have made the article even more amazing is if the writer had said (whoever you are dating owes you, and you also owe them). That would have made her sound like less than a landlady who provided “shelter for a relationship” and expects rent. 🙄, and more like Co-tenants who understand that it actually still takes two to tango. Don’t get me wrong, everyone deserves some TLC in any relationship they have invested as much as a smile to.. EVERYONE! Now here’s… Read more »

Last edited 4 months ago by Solchibuzor
Bubu
Bubu
4 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

My namesake always spitting wise words!! 👏🏽👏🏽. No matter how much you think you guys are in love, legalize everything and have receipts.

481FE614-0456-40C8-93D9-0931F99F3639.jpeg
muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Finally💃💃💃 our first sticker user… Ring the bells 💣💣. Imagine I couldn’t find a bell emoji so I used bomb 😂😂

Bubu
Bubu
4 months ago

Admin you’ve disappointed me, I’ll ring the bell for myself 🔔🔔🔔

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Bubu of life! 🤗

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

😂😂😂 I swear I couldn’t find the emoji on my phone. My bad💣💣💣

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

DO NOT MIX BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE!! But in my mind I’m like “If you call a lawyer to preview a business proposal between you and your lover? ain’t that extreme? 😂😂”

I guess it’s the point where they say “love with your head and not your heart.”

I get you. But hollop! The writer struck a balance in the area of expectation.
The part where she said “The moment you decide to take it to the next level with someone, best believe you owe them and they owe you too.”

Thank you Solchibuzor 👐

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

I did strike a balance Solchihuzor😊. I wasn’t gender specific except where I had to state my experience. I’m female and you wouldn’t expect me to state otherwise. Wait till you read the article on fun dating, then you’ll understand and strike the balance eventually. It’s amazing you’re interpreting it in the best way it can be, but can I ask you one question? Who preaches more on “don’t expect anything from your partner?”. I’m not a feminist, but you see, we have a lot of independent women out there in present time and alot of these ladies learned to… Read more »

Last edited 4 months ago by Jules Jeremiah
Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
4 months ago
Reply to  Jules Jeremiah

My bad @Jules Jeremiah. It’s been pointed out to me by muttering minds where you succinctly stated it. So we agree that it’s women (independent) who champion the “do not expect anything” campaign! .. because they are tired of expecting and end up disappointed each time? I think for ‘national peace’ y’all decided to pretend you are in it (not) to win. And like I told a dear friend, we (men) have been built to pamper women, and some of us like to be “encouraged” to do so. (encouraged..as in, using some natural special package, which for some ladies is… Read more »

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

I’m still rolling at the “HIRE A LAWYER” phrase😂😂.

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
4 months ago
Reply to  Jules Jeremiah

😂😂😂😂

Bubu
Bubu
4 months ago

I used to be an ardent preacher of ‘No one owes you anything’ but it’s difficult to keep preaching that when you know deep down you enjoy monetary gifts and surprises but get none all because you’re forming madam independent. Gifts, attention and affection goes both ways, both parties need to constantly express that to each other and I think it’s really does help the relationship. What most people fail to understand is that little things go a long way, it doesn’t have to be extravagant, for example you can search for a food outlet that does delivery and surprise… Read more »

Aji
Aji
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Well said!! I stan the last sentence 😊

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

The “uncle spoil me ooo” got me rolling 😂😂😂. You are in sync with the writer, most people who say they got zero expectations are dying in silence.

While uncle spoils you, also remember to spoil him oooo 😂😂

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

😂😂😂😂 she just ripped the bandages. Bubu is right, everyone expects something.
You don’t walk into a relationship with no intention of getting something out of it.. You’re not a”wanderer”.
So you might as well say it out..and in case he/she is selectively deaf,..shout it. “I CAME HERE TO BE SPOILT!🤣🤣🤣

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

I just choked on “you’re not a wanderer” 🤣🤣🤣

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Every one deserves to be spoilt. EVERYONE. Maybe next time you decide to venture into a relationship, (venture cos its a serious entrepreneurship business of its own😂), you should ask that girl or guy, “HOW MUCH CAN YOU SPOIL YOUR PARTNER? WHAT VOLUME OF WATER CAN YOU SWIM THROUGH?”, cos trust me, some won’t even get into a bath tub for you, to them that’s you drowning them😂. Bathtub is even too deep. Some won’t dip a finger in a spoon of water without screaming “you’re stressing me”, “you’re putting me under soo much pressure”, “I’m drowning!!! Somebody save me!!!”.… Read more »

Aji
Aji
4 months ago

Expecting what you cant give in a relationship is just plain selfishness to me. I believe in gifting the woman I’m with without holding anything back EVERYTIME I CAN. Ive come to a realization from my past experiences in dealing with humans that human needs are insatiable. Regardless of how much you are willing to give, you can never give enough (money,gifts,care,attention and all) Just do the most you can do when you can EVERYTIME YOU CAN. Giving should go both ways in a relationship though. A great percentage of the female gender believe that giving(gifts, money, care, attention and… Read more »

Last edited 4 months ago by Aji
muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Aji

Such wise words. There should be a balance both in finance and affection. I feel you. And your last sentence is 💣💣

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  Aji

Human needs are truly insatiable. Do what you can, but doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bring it the attention of your spouse if they never reciprocate. It’s considered being greedy. He/she is no stranger to you. There should be a return of love, care, attention, companionship, gifts and all sorts. It can never be balanced cos the man gives more regardless cos God made it so(search the scriptures), but it should be seen as the lady should spoil her man to stupo if it’s deserved. The woman is programmed to respond to a man’s move, that’s why he always makes the… Read more »

Last edited 4 months ago by Jules Jeremiah
King
King
4 months ago

I think the mindset of the person you are dating owes you is as result of lack purpose in relationship. If your relationship is purpose driven, you won’t need to have think this way. A purpose driven relationship gives all and receives all; love, money, gift, trust, forgiveness, support etc. You deserve all I am and all I have from the day we begin dating …that’s the allmark of purpose driven relationship. Unfortunately, some people don’t have purpose driven life, they are thus aliens to purpose driven relationship, that’s unfortunate, …that is the guy that owes you🤣! My advice is… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  King

This strikes different. Every relationship has to be purpose driven. You dont even need to ask, both parties know enough to own up to their responsibilities.Thank you.

I dont know why but I laughed so hard at the last sentence. “Kings dont date beggars”. Felt like an attack 😂😂

King
King
4 months ago

Thank you my friend, I really didn’t plan an attack, it is just a piece of advice.

Any lady can be a Queen, it starts from being value oriented.

Kings know how to identify Queens even when they put on cheapest dresses.

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  King

On point 💥💥

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
4 months ago
Reply to  King

Well emphasised Kings, you deserve an applause👏👏👏 A purpose driven relationship is what it is and should be. I think a lot should be oriented on having a purpose driven relationship. You’ll be amazed at the response you’ll get when you ask certain individuals to provide reasons to why they’re in the relationship they’re in or why they want to get involved with who they intend to date. Mind you, experiences teaches us to know better. Just as you didn’t just wake up one morning as a teenager knowing its essential to be purposeful. And even if you knew it,… Read more »

Last edited 4 months ago by Jules Jeremiah
King
King
4 months ago
Reply to  Jules Jeremiah

Thank you a million. We learn and grow everyday, not only from experiences but from reading. Yes, Kings and Queens do fall in love with beggars that possess royal mind. You will always attrack your kind. I remember a friend of mine that told me about her friend that got a gift of car from her boyfriend and she desire such a generous boyfriend. That’s a good one; she then said the guy is Yahoo boy and the guy tought the lady act, so they make money together. She desire the fruits of such relationship, so she started looking for… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  King

Hmmmmm 🤔

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Jules Jeremiah

The last two sentences 👌👌

Kevvy Kay
Kevvy Kay
4 months ago

Good piece. Nice thoughts. ❤ Considering who writers are by nature, the controversial caption is totally expected. Entitlement has always been a very tricky topic and to be fair you struck a great deal of balance there. Weldone. More inks to your golden pen!

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Kevvy Kay

😂😂😂 I promise you, it wasn’t a click bait. Thank you Kevvy for joining the conversation, also welcome on board. I hope to see more of you here 😉

Kevvy Kay
Kevvy Kay
3 months ago

Thanks for welcoming me so heavily. I sure will stick around long! 😊

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Kevvy Kay

For real? 😃😃 I look forward to that.

blow
blow
4 months ago

Not everybody that are in a relationship are mature enough to be in one because they don’t know what it takes to keep a relationship. You took the best decision by leaving his ass… I hate that statement *we are just going with the flow* because it’s total crap as you rightly said. people say this *no one owes you anything in a relationship* thing alot, it annoys me when i hear that. You owe each other everything. The moment you both agree to be in a relationship, you have indirectly committed yourselves to being there for each other as… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  blow

You hit the nail in the right places. MATURITY! So many people in a relationship are not mature enough to handle all it takes. Some think all it requires is to profess “I love you”.

It hurts even more when you are in a relationship and not expressive about your needs. Your partner is waiting for you to ask while you are waiting for your partner to use his number 6. It hurts.

Thank you Blow 👐👐

Adenike
Adenike
4 months ago

Aptly said 👌
I’m really laughing with you @ “Hello bae, I don’t have shoulders anymore. I can’t find mine as I sold them in exchange for zero expectations”.😄😄😂🤣😄😃
You deserve right get it!
✌️

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Adenike

😂😂😂 that made me laugh too. Welcome Adenike, so good to have you here. 😁

Tiwatope
Tiwatope
4 months ago

I Stan by this sis…men want to brainwash us to believe they don’t owe us anything…if I give u my precious time,my body and my love…I should b given sth in return…be it money,love attention or material things…I deserve it all

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Tiwatope

Take it all sis, it’s all yours 😂😂. If they dont give you, walk away.

Big welcome to you Tiwatope, I’m ringing the alarms 🛎🛎. Hope to see more of you here 😄

Tobi
Tobi
4 months ago

I totally agree. Life is give and take, you put in effort in return for something or all of the benefit. You were right to walk out of the situationship. That version of a guy is a loser. You find a good one amongst these days you gotta keep with all you got.

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Tobi

They say good men are hard to come by, If you find your own version of good, hold him tight 🤭. According to you this one is a loser version😂😂😂

Thank you Tobi and also welcome on board. You’ll drop by often right? 😉

Light skinned.
Light skinned.
4 months ago

.If a man expects me to be with him when the chips are down, he should be ready to feed me some french fries when the chips are up. It’s simple logic. No one should tell me he doesn’t owe me shit because hell yeah he does.“. Preach!! He definitely does! I blindly stayed with a guy years ago thinking he owes me nothing. I ran out of the relationship after 2 years; the time of my life I can never get back. Sigh! This is a must read for all ladies! Twitter fam needs to see this!

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Light skinned.

Another painful thing is the time spent. It is one you can never recover but then again it is wise to move forward with the lessons, bearing in mind never to make such mistakes again.

Welcome Light Skinned💃💃💃…hope you drop by often😉

Rowlands
Rowlands
4 months ago

Lmao! Jeez, Jules. I particularly love the bluntness of this article. Keep it up girl. 😉 😉 when you decide to date someone you owe them, and yes! they owe you too. When they say no one owes you shit they meant keeping your expectations high from people who are probably just acquaintances or flings. A relationship requires commitment to build and everything that goes with it.
Nice one girl.

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Rowlands

Good to have you here Rowlands😁😁

King
King
4 months ago

So, we are still on this table! I really don’t think there should be a debate of who should give more in a relationship because the best gift you can give in a relationship is the gift of respect, and this should be mutual. Respect is the best expression of love and there is no limit to what you can give to the lady/ you truly love and respect. So, how do you measure the immeasurable? What I have come to realize is that it is difficult to keep records of giving, if not impossible when you fund a “purpose”… Read more »

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
4 months ago

The day i got a T-shirt from my partner, I danced and danced. I wore the shirt to the extent that if it had a mouth, it would beg me to stop. That was the first and only gift I got till this moment and someone is telling me not to expect anything from a relationship. Mtcheew.
Both parties MUST spoil themselves in the best way they can and also learn to appreciate the conscious effort your partner is putting into the relationship.
And also, your expectations should not only monetary

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Ezeugo 1

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 permit me but this had me laughing in tears😂😂😂😂😂😂. If only our belongings could speak though 😂😂😂😂

Kelly
Kelly
4 months ago

Wow I love this.

muttering minds
Admin
4 months ago
Reply to  Kelly

Thank you. We love that you are here too. Hope to see more of you Kelly 🎈

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[…] Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever You Are Dating Owes You! […]

Amechi
Amechi
1 month ago

I Totally agree with you,but women should know the same law applies to them,cos very few women will compensate their boyfriend for just been there when success comes .

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Amechi

You are right. Just like Tweeps say “Boyfriend wey calm down na him go enjoy” 😂😂😂 (I did some flipping)

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