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Death Of A Loved One: “The Thought of not Making the call still Hunts me”

Writer- Osunkwo Stephanie
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4 min read

To my year one college mystery guy…

Finding words to describe the death of a loved one is overwhelming as it feels like some cold night where deep truth comes to hunt.

Losing Godwin to the cold hands of death changed my perception of certain things. It was like a string holding my heart was cut.

My ‘mystery friend’ as I fondly called him always walked up to my lonely, quiet self in class. With so much boldness he will say “why are you not smiling”, “you no dey smile?” Those words had a special strange way of brightening my face, and then after, we’ll start conversing. 

death of a loved one
“why are you not smiling”, “you no dey smile?”

It wasn’t like I couldn’t snub him, I mean who walks up to someone they don’t know and obliges them in such manner. But Godwin was different, asides his intelligence and calmness, he wore a calm spirit which he tried so hard to disguise. 

Read: Tributes Should Not Be A Bed Of Lies…Stop!

We started getting pretty close that I will include his portion while cooking, serve in a cooler and send it to his hostel. He did the same for me too. We always had lunch together at the cafeteria, studied together with his friends. We eventually became so close, argued, bantered, debated… ohh! How endless the list was.

death of a loved one
We eventually became so close, argued, bantered, debated…

Suddenly after a long holiday, our department rep announced that Godwin was sick and won’t be resuming soon. Who would’ve imagined that a minor fall could result in dislocation and a serious leg injury and swellings? Every day the injury grew worse.

One faithful day he put a call across to me from his sickbed, and said; “babe, did I offend you, you cannot even call to check up”. I apologized sincerely and said I was going to check up more often, cause I mean he was so dear to me. We ended the call after filling ourselves with some good laugh. 

Read: Death Of Loved Ones, Prior Gestures
death of a loved one
We ended the call after filling ourselves with some good laugh.

A few days after, a bad day came smiling. Our department rep announced that Godwin was dead. He died from the cancerous leg injury.

Ohh dear, dear!!! It felt like a carpet was pulled off my feet. So much pain that as I write, it still tortures me. I almost collapsed, my colleagues had to support me back to my hostel. Ever felt so much pain that hits every fiber of your organs that you cannot move? I felt like a comatose struggling to regain my freedom from pain, but I couldn’t.

Read: Is Death An Open Sesame?
death of a loved one
Cries they say can’t bring back the dead but I wish mine did.
Read: If You Knew The Last Time Was Going To Be The Last

Our last conversation began to play in my head as regrets choked my heart. So he already said his last goodbye. It felt like the devil began to flog me with his words, they wouldn’t leave my head. The thought of saying I was going to check in again but didn’t kept hunting me.

Cries they say can’t bring back the dead but I wish mine did. Prior to his death, I used to think, some things could wait for later, but now, my whole orientation is reformed. It dawned on me to always do what is obtainable while I still can.

death of a loved one
It dawned on me to always do what is obtainable while I still can.

Reach out to loved ones often, forgive, pray. I know It’s easy to lose track, get carried away in your own world, but that one minute of your time won’t bite. That one minute, I wish I had to call my mystery guy and make him smile, chat and banter. 

His funeral was a whirlwind of tears, if it was possible for someone to get drowned in tears, I would have, but tears wouldn’t bring him back. I thought of running to him while he laid in state and then shouting “stand up!”, hoping he will hear me. 

Read: Grieving The Death Of A Friend
death of a loved one
Our last conversation began to play in my head and regrets choked my heart.

Songs from the legendary Jim Reeves began to make a lot of sense and communicated to me.

I beat myself each time I remember I forgot to check up. A simple call, visit or text could have made a difference, but I did none. Even though death might have still knocked, I would have felt a better peace.

But like we believe,  “Everything happens for a reason”. I thank my mystery guy for such beautiful memories and having a good impact on my life with his genuine friendship.  Rest On Godwin.

 

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Bubu
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Bubu

💔💔 it really does hurt when you can’t hear the voice or see the face of a loved one.

muttering minds
Admin

Yeah. It hurts very much. Thank you for dropping by.

Elekwa Ifeanyi
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Elekwa Ifeanyi

Rest on Godwin …

muttering minds
Admin

Yeah. Glad you could relate to the story🤧

Cynthia
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Cynthia

Rest on Godwin. It’s sad not to see nor hear from one again..😢

muttering minds
Admin

Yeah. Very sad😓

Glory kay
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Glory kay

Death of a loved one I can’t really say how I feel right now writing about something I really wish to let go. It’s been 5years since he left,and it has a way of being in my head like every damn day. 20th November 2015 is still like a night mare I have not woken up from. Sometimes I feel like it’s not true, I mean “can someone please wake me up?” Ever met someone and you want it forever,whatsoever and however? Then death comes quickly and tears the dreams apart never to meet again. Empty dreams Broken heart and… Read more »

muttering minds
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It is well. Sending love and light your way 🎈💥

Delight
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Delight

It really hurts😥

Onyii
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Onyii

Reasons I didn’t want to participate. 😢 dunno how I got here sef

muttering minds
Admin

Awwww😘😘