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I am Muttering

Men Talk: The Emotional Implication of Deflowering a Lady

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9 min read

If you asked 10 men if they’re open to date a virgin lady, 7 of them are sure to slap you back with a resounding ‘NO’. Or maybe it’s all bants when social media is involved huh? Well, I decided to arrive at a bit more practical statistics via our Instagram handle, where I created a poll that read “Guys!! Have you ever disvirgined a lady before?” and tell you what, the result left my jaw ajar. I expected that the number of NO’s would be a far mile away from the “YESES” but could you believe that out of 49 votes, 22 men voted YES?! At this finding, I felt a better justification was to press further, seeking information bearing more depth that either verifies or nullifies certain popular opinions about female virginity.  

Contrary to how the internet is flooded with ladies telling stories about their first sex experience, and men doing same also, I decided to flip the script– telling the stories from the other parties POV. What goes down when a man decides to have sex with a virgin lady ? I sought to explore majorly the emotional/psychological state of the man during the phase (before & after). How long was the wait? How long did it take to attain full penetration? Were they at any point scared? What were the emotions felt during and after? Did the relationship get better or awkward? Would they do it all over again?

benefits of being a virgin couple

Hey Mutterer, below, 3 men share their experience with me. While the emotions portrayed in all three is not a guaranteed mutual feeling for every man, I hope that you find something to hold on to. 

Peer Pressure

I was 22 and she was 18, we were both virgins. One time she came home from school and suggested we tried, I told her I couldn’t because I hadn’t done a thing like that before but she insisted, adding that she has heard lots of stories from her friends in school about how they enjoy sex with their men and was eager to know what it feels like. I remember telling her she was too young and I couldn’t do it because I was a novice. After much pressure I gave in. 

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The first day we tried, it was backbreaking. She kept crying due to pains and my big dick wasn’t helping, it made it worse. I couldn’t bear seeing her in pain so I insisted we stopped, but she wasn’t having it. Very determined. She cried even harder and asked that we continued. However, the long try still wasn’t successful so we fixed another date. First time sex: 5 things that you should know about it -

Before our next meeting, I avoided her, to be sincere, I was hell scared. I didn’t want another round of seeing a woman in pain. Also the thought of blood made me even more scared. However, we fixed a date when no one was home. Before this, I used my phone to research some helpful tips on google, and tell you what, I got a whole lot of tips.

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From my research, I deduced there was no need to rush to penetrate, but it had to be gentle. Start from kissing and caressing and then thorough romance so that she can be wet enough and yearn for the penis. So I followed the script judiciously. I started kissing her from her neck, down other parts of her body. I touched her intensely and intermittently used my hands to caress her clits. I would have tried cunnilingus cause it was among the tips but I had no idea how to at the time. As stated, she started to yearn for the dick so I proceeded.  Although very wet, she still retreated when I sought entry and when I tried using my fingers with hopes that it was a better option she appeared even more scared. I was only able to get as far as her clitoris and revolver. It was like a tug of war. 

The Hymen: Breaking the Myths - Our Bodies Ourselves

Now this time she’s even more wet…I tried with my dick and boom! I was in, I penetrated the hymen. The whole process took close to 2 hours, there was a little blood and she started crying. I got confused and reached to clean her up and console her. She pushed me away and asked me to leave her alone. I didn’t know what to do, but she kept on crying and crying.  I was confused but left. The following day and after, she was avoiding me and wouldn’t speak to me. I was so confused, I mean, she wanted it and now this??

Read: A Long Haul Down My Vagina

After about three days,  she called me and apologized. She said she was happy she felt like a lady and at the same time sad. Sad because her friends in school also told her that when a man has sex with a lady for her first time he would leave her. I assured her that I liked her and she was also my first. I promised her that our love would wax stronger, and really it did, we grew so in love. Going forward we tried severally and for some reason, it was like she got addicted. She’ll ring my phone virtually everyday for us to have sex, we had sex like five times in a week. She also became clingy, called me at all times and said she just wants to hear from me. I could see she was in love or maybe more in love with the sex. I loved her quite all right but hers was more. It was like I used jazz on her.  I wont lie, the sex made our relationship awkward. However, I left for university and lack of communication created a huge gap. She found someone else and reduced the attention towards me. The rest is history.

dating a virgin

She Didn’t Tell Me She Was A Virgin

She was a friend to my cousin. We always met at the village at the end of the year, she comes in on the 31st to leave on the 3rd of January, while I normally stayed for a week or more sometimes. We had been dating for like three years, and the sexual aspect was just kisses and smooching. 

Read: And What If He’s A Virgin at 30?

On the d-day, we left for the village school outside the village, which was our normal spot for making out. She was in jeans with an iron belt and white top. We started making out and it was intense and we decided to take it further. Prior to this, we had never discussed the issue of virginity, I didn’t even think she was a virgin because she stays in Bariga. First, It was very difficult to get rid of the belt, it took like 45mins to do that and pull off the jeans, after which I reached for the condoms in my wallet while we both laid on the floor. I tried to penetrate and noticed that she was in pain and was crying all through. When I was done, I noticed blood stains which were visible on the white pant she wore. I asked her and she confirmed she was a virgin. She kept crying, so I had to pet her for up to an hour. I was begging the whole time because she said I was too rough on her. 

what to know during first sex with a lady

However, she stopped crying and told me to tell her I love her, which I did. She then insisted for one more round, although I was tired and just wanted to sleep but I had to do it for her. We went to the back of the church which was not far from the school to have a quick doggy, it was lovely and she enjoyed it. She kissed me deeply immediately we were done and we both went to our various hut. She left before I woke up. We saw a year later and we continued but lost touch after then.

“I Think I’m Ready”

We were both in love, and had been dating for like a year. She’d talk about some pretty racy shit cause she was into a lot of erotic fiction. We’d mess around, kiss and engage in a lot of oral sex and I’d play with her pussy, but that was about it. I did my best to not pressure her though but still body no be firewood…and she was sexy AF(still is).

Catch Up On: My First Sex Experience Series

One time we were bathing together, I got carried away and tried going pass our normal routine…mehn! it wasn’t funny, I spent the night apologizing because she was in pain. Times where we had normal couple issues she’d always attribute my “behavior” to the fact that we hadn’t had sex bla bla…but I was faithful. I actually loved her and really enjoyed her company so it was only natural for me to perish ideas that involved being with someone else.  

does disvirgining a lady make you clingy?

The D-day was pretty weird lol…I had just resumed for the semester and didn’t tell her cause I wanted to surprise her (I know…romantic b.s) I went to the house of a mutual friend of ours and as expected I met her there, so yeah the surprise went well. We went back to my place that evening and started our usual make out, then oral sex which I was pretty okay with and then the shocker…she said, “I think I’m ready”. I recall asking her like five times  to be sure to avoid messy stories later on. 

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The first few seconds-minutes were a bit of a struggle but with the help of trusty ol’ baby oil we conquered, lol. I did my best to help her through it all by asking her when to stop or if I should pull out. Eventually after a couple thrusts we got the hang of it. I could tell it was still a bit painful for her but I kept on reassuring her and It felt really great for me. We both didn’t cum though but it lasted about 15-20 mins and there was just a little patch of blood on me afterwards. We bathed and slept in each other’s arms.

Guys, Have You Ever Disvirgined A Lady? (How Was The Experience Like?)

The next day we did it again and this time it was better. The only issue was she was getting sore which was majorly my fault cause I hadn’t gotten used to her tempo. Like we got mad closer after it, and she became a freak. We got to experience all the sex styles she’d been reading and also more open to my ideas.  One time she rode me on the decking of an uncompleted apartment close to my place in the view of the full moon and shit. It was wild because that was the spot guys usually smoked. We almost got spotted then we went downstairs into one of the uncompleted rooms and finished there. 

We had great sexual chemistry and moving on from her was really hard cause I was totally invested in her emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually. But I guess we just had to let go at one point. Met up again late last year (we were both single) and the sex was still top notch. If presented with the chance to do it again, I’ll change the settings and make it a bit more romantic, other than that I’ll gladly do it again.disvirgining a lady

My One Cent

Like I stated at the opening, my reason for doing this was to actually see through at least a fraction of what goes on in the minds of men when it comes to disvirgining a lady. Frankly, I feel that looking back, the men reckon it was a beautiful moment shared, especially the third story, who also according to his embellished description was a player but found something to live for. This equally proves that the ‘hard guy’ syndrome can become a melted mountain with the right one. 

For Further Discussions and Bants, Click Here to Join Our Telegram Channel / Chatroom

Also importantly, another popular opinion I wanted to verify with this is the statement “Do not have sex with a virgin lady, cause they become clingy”, story one gives me my answer. Then there is the statement “Avoid virgin ladies because they’ll suck in bed”… the three stories especially the last all debunk this. 

Guess what, I also ran a poll for the ladies, I asked “Ladies!! Do you sometimes regret the circumstances surrounding losing your virginity?” 48 voted YES and 39 voted NO.

Hmmmm… on this note, I’ll conclude by asking the following questions; To the men, having read these stories, would you be willing to date a virgin lady? What are your reservations about virginity? And if you have dated one before, what was the outcome? To the ladies, prior to losing your virginity, were you ever shy to say you’re one or proud of it?  Mind sharing your experience too, be it regret or joy? Also if you haven’t scratched this surface, why so? This should be interesting but mostly enlightening for all of us. Kindly leave your comments below 🤗👇👇.

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Tomikoko
Tomikoko
9 months ago

I enjoyed this so much Uju. Your one cent is 1000 cent o. I wouldn’t say I regret the circumstances in which I lost my virginity and that’s because I have made up my mind never to regret whatever I do in this life. Then again, I wish I waited to be a bit more mature, let’s say above 25. Sex comes with mental commitment, the moment you start, it feels like a trap despite the enjoyment. You can’t even enjoy foreplay alone, it all leads to sex, body count keeps going up. Then there’s also a question I’ve always… Read more »

Zhee
Zhee
9 months ago

Yhhh minus the sex, foreplay too counts plus, penetration is not the only way to have sex.

Pretty Anon
Pretty Anon
9 months ago
Reply to  Tomikoko

I agree with you about it being a trap despite enjoyment.

Aure
Aure
9 months ago
Reply to  Tomikoko

It should actually . I have a whole new perspective to virginity now , why do people tag penetrative sex to being disvirgined?
The moment you become interested in foreplay, it is sex , even when no penetration is involved , virginity becomes a hoax then
Glad I am realizing this now, the only reason one might not allow penetrative sex should be two reasons, the person doesn’t want to get pregnant or doesn’t want to get STD’s but if you are doing that because you want to still be a virgin, it’s a lie

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago
Reply to  Aure

Quiet convincing

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago
Reply to  Tomikoko

This question get as e be o.

Pretty Anon
Pretty Anon
9 months ago

Great read. Well done Uju.
Prior to loosing my virginity, I was ashamed and thinking back now it doesn’t even make sense.
I just wanted to feel grown and experienced. Now I’m here, I realized there’s no fuss, there’s no rush. If I could turn back the hands of time, I could’ve waited. Yuppp. I could’ve waited some more years.
The thing about sex is once you start, stopping is hard, you can’t even make out anymore, it’s somehow always ends up in sex…
And yeah, on some level, you get attached to your first love.

Smila
Smila
9 months ago

Hi Uju, it’s been ages longing to read from you … I totally missed reading from mutterers. On my own side, I wasn’t happy on the circumstances surrounding losing mine. Cos it wasn’t with my consent. Then I have decided to forgive and let go. living with regrets shouldn’t be added to my bio.
But I believe it really has a lot of psychological effects to play on both gender which can actually be fixed with time

Melody
Melody
9 months ago

Lol…hot stuff🥵
Great read Ujuuuuuuuu❤️

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago

Talk your own now 😂😂

Uduak
Uduak
9 months ago

Mine was pressure, pressure not from me though but from him. Before him, I had lost about 3 relationships because I wasn’t giving sex. Partly my fault because I promised all of them that at some point in the relationship they’d get it. They all ran out of patience and broke up with me in a funny way.  Then this guy came, I didn’t want to loose him too. Looking back, I wish I truly understood sex for my self and not from the perspective of these men. Any virgin (both male & female) reading this should take note. Understand… Read more »

dosbambi
dosbambi
9 months ago

Wawu!

About foreplay and oral sex, I do not agree to them counting as body count.

I haven’t done it yet because of my religious stand. I would have if not.

I’ve been in situations where I was almost doing it, but my mind just didn’t allow me too, so I stopped, put on my clothes and apologized.

dosbambi
dosbambi
9 months ago

Abi na…make dem seniors come put mouth for the matter.

We go dey learn from their stories🤗

Jay
Jay
8 months ago

hehehehehehehhe. This observation off me o

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago
Reply to  dosbambi

This our Telegram pastor again 😂😂.

King
King
9 months ago

Well, I’m always amused by our respective responses to the issue sex; the guilt, pain, fear, emotions and enjoyments, but I chose the enjoyments very early in my life. But there is always first time to everything and sex is not an exemption. When it comes to the issue of sex, the first timers and novice struggle with the culture, religion, and fear. Almost all of us went through all these but in the end, we realize we were just been childish and novice. The pain will become experience and we laugh over them in the end …but sex is… Read more »

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago
Reply to  King

Very matured comment King

Cee
Cee
9 months ago

Interesting piece. Really enjoyed reading through. I should have waited if to say but the deed is done already.

Wammy
Wammy
9 months ago

Finally! After months of waiting, we get a story on muttering minds. Great job Uju, I really enjoyed the story. Looking forward to reading more stories here.

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago

I’m a guy but I can’t stand watching movie scenes that depict pain. Now put me in a physical situation where I have to see  someone go through pain caused by me? Hell nahhhh And did someone say blaaadddd?? 😭😭 Please erase me from the equation. Its not even about me being addicted to sex or something, don’t just come to me as a virgin. Let some other man do the job, I don’t mind. I remember one time me and my guys were talking about this same thing and I said that I wouldn’t mind my babe going back… Read more »

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
9 months ago

😂😂😂😂😂 I didn’t mean the eyes that way o, its all love. Thank yiu for understanding my point. I forgot to mention how real this story hits. Do more of this kind of collective stories.

Tisha
Tisha
9 months ago

Interesting POV from the three dudes.
I have an info junkie so this is good, really good.

Pretty Kay@Adeyeye Kayode
Pretty Kay@Adeyeye Kayode
9 months ago

The only time I was supposed to disflower a lady, my then girlfriend, she said she wanted to keep it till marriage, although we did other stuffs apart from penetration. Few years later , she said she was ready , innocent me said she should still keep it till marriage. She insisted , but I kept on encouraging her to keep it. Girl cheated on me , got the shit bursted and I found out through her WhatsApp message. E pain me gan o. I would have loved to disflower at least 1 lady in my lifetime, but the one… Read more »

Pretty Kay@Adeyeye Kayode
Pretty Kay@Adeyeye Kayode
9 months ago

Erhm…you no say you nah babe, you won’t know much about the diary. To the question, Omo, I collected cookie o. I broke up with her after I had my share. Make I burst your bubble, the guy she cheated on me with that bursted the hymen, he is the same guy she is dating now and guess what? We are cheating on the guy now. I still collect cookie every now and then.

This life is just like a spoon .

Fried yam
Fried yam
9 months ago

I really enjoyed this article and learnt a lot from it

Fried yam
Fried yam
9 months ago

The woman body amazes me every time. Complicated body and emotions

Brown Shuga
Brown Shuga
9 months ago

Oh wow, mind blowing. No wonder most guys I’ve met are very skirty about this particular issue.
It takes a guy who is open and patient to handle a virgin I must add .

Nice read Uju,I’ve missed you.

Father of Many Nations🤴🏿
Father of Many Nations🤴🏿
9 months ago

This is very interesting. Well done Uju🙌🏿

Gurlie
Gurlie
9 months ago

My first love disvirgined me and I know he went through alot too. at that time I was young and couldn’t handle the fear etc that cames with it always lashing at him calling him all sort of names… telling him he used me to get the praise for disvirgining a lady….I would have waited a little longer…..I got addicted to sex till I started sleeping with other guys this time not only bcz I craved for sex but bcz I was angry at myself for so many things…..it wasn’t easy for me, my mental health was at stake…..took jik… Read more »

Gurlie
Gurlie
9 months ago

I feel better letting this out of me tonight….I’ve kept this for years.

Thank you so much for the response also. It’s really easy to tell secrets to strangers…lol😂🤣

Gurlie
Gurlie
9 months ago

Yeah I’m new….
I’d love to say more about it….but it has to be personal with u tho

King
King
9 months ago
Reply to  Gurlie

Many ladies ask question and it is actually funny and can be annoying too. Nobody is actually taking advantage of young ladies, both of them are young people, enjoying sex without direction; sex is not a reason anybody stay in relationship. I wonder what they were expecting self; both the guy and the lady are not ready for marriage or anything serious in life, apart from sex, so it has got to stop one day and nature bring another persons into their respective lives. I think some ladies just love to subject themselves under mental weakness, seeking sympathy. People stay… Read more »

Debbie
Debbie
9 months ago

Great story Uju and so realistic….. I lost my virginity cos I wanted to,I was not pressurized,nd it was so sweet,cos even though I felt some pain while at it,my guy was so much in love with me that he was so gentle nd I could feel d love in everything he was doing…. I did not feel guilty at the end probably cos I did it for me……

BrHoe
BrHoe
9 months ago

I kinda relate with the first guy’s experience more cos I never imagined I’ll deflower a lady. Especially cos of the kind of teachings we were exposed to back then in church about the significance of blood. I have seen the kind of unhealthy bonding females have with those who deflowered them and that’s never the kind of attachment I imagined for myself. I always imagined that once you deflower a girl, blood will gush out and mess up the whole the place. Nollywood, thank you ooh. The night I deflowered a lady for the first time, I felt sorry… Read more »

Henry
Henry
9 months ago

So my story appeared at muttering minds, Wow! As I was reading I was just reminiscing on how it all happened. Well answering to your questions I don’t think I can be willing to date a Virgin cause there will come a day when she would make up her mind to get deflowered and that process is not what I want to encounter again. The advantage of being a Virgin and also ending up with a Virgin is the fact that both parties will learn how to satisfy themselves because they have not had prior knowledge of the actions in… Read more »

Jay
Jay
8 months ago

Interesting post, interesting writers, interesting comments. I feel like the boat has sailed, there is nothing to add again. I have outgrown the stage of disflowering a lady, it would be like child abuse. Because I know I cant meet an above 25 years virgin lady, and if I do meet one, I will respect her chastity. I got married to the lady that I disflowered. Coming from the angle of religion: anybody you first have sex with can and will steal your glory away. She was also the first lady I had penetrative sex with, although i have had… Read more »

JoG
JoG
8 months ago

I am just hearing from you sef that when virgins marry, their children are super intelligent. It’s a myth na! I don’t think it has any scientific basis. All children are born intelligent, either they are slow or fast learners; it’s the environment that nurtures them that determines how expressive their intelligence is.

The overarching myth is: virgins make good spouses. Fa fa fa foul!

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
7 months ago

First story I came across after being off for a while is about sex. Is the universe speaking to me about celibacy? 🤔. Anyways… Ofcourse you’ll have alot of guys that have slept with virgins but if you asked those guys again if they’ll love to have sex with virgins again, I’m 80% sure their answer would be no. Virgins can be dramatic, clingy and demanding. I for one don’t care if you’re a Virgin or not. I even prefer you’re not a Virgin sef.

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