I find it difficult to express excitement most times, and a lot of folks perceive it the wrong way.
I am not the type who out of excitement would scream your name with a joy-filled smile, run a hundred miles just to give you a big hug because we haven’t seen each other in a long time. As a matter of fact, I have tried practicing this routine but my body won’t just cooperate. But does this mean I am not happy to see you? Of course not!
It is a personality trait. I am sure there is a handful like me out there who find it difficult channeling the joy we feel in our hearts to our faces. By default, my facial expression is usually ‘Numb’ and the flip side is when I am eventually able to channel that smile from my heart to my face, folks see it as pretense because I hardly do so. “Wow! so you can smile?”…Hello! Of course, I can. If only they knew how much work I put in to make the smile come alive. I do not know who offended who or what happened but something tells me my heart and face are at war because they never enjoy working together. Tragic!
I also get a hard time showing my joy when I am given a gift. I love gifts, lowkey I expect a secret Santa blessing me with gifts every day but my face would always betray me. “Common baby smile, show you are grateful cause you really are”… this is me trying to cajole me into smiling. Most times if my face does not cooperate, I force it, I force that scream even though while at it my conscience pricks me saying “You know this is not you, shouting is not your style”. To hell with my style! It is really important to show that I really love my gift and that I am not an ungrateful goat and of course I want more gifts.
The world should cut people like me some slack, we are very happy people, trust us! Lack of smiles is just a deficiency on our path, maybe we will heal, maybe we never will. If I say a simple “Thank you” to you and my face doesn’t accompany it with a fat smile, do not take it to heart. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it OK. Likewise, if you come visiting and my manner of welcome is not what you expect, it has nothing to do with you OK, I would not invite you if I didn’t want you around, capish? But hollop! This doesn’t give you the right to extend your welcome.
Some people call it a resting bitch face, oh well, at least it has a name, perhaps a cure to come soon. I talk about it sarcastically doesn’t mean I like it. It bothers me and makes me too aware of myself and that’s one thing I hate to be. Anyone like me out there?