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Sour Home: How Do I Deal With My Father’s Hatred?

Writer- Anonymous
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4 min read

It has been an insufferable journey living with an abusive parent. One who thinks less about others and feels on top of the world. Was God wrong to have brought me to this world as his child? My father has been abusing me since I arrived on this earth and became aware of myself. No, not the sexual kind of abuse but a father’s hatred; emotional torment.

You know why? My sex kills him each day. He hates that I am a female child and worse off, he hates my mother even more. What more can a woman who the creator blessed with only girls as children do if the man she bore them for curses the day he walked down the aisle with her? I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused both verbally and physically. I refuse to question God in all but…

father's hatred
I have watched her countless times get disrespected, taken for granted,  and abused

Where I come from, the female child is worthless. Yes! Even in this digital era, she has no right and shouldn’t be seen let alone heard. This isn’t human but unfortunately, I and my sisters carry the burden. There is something about broken parenting that messes with the mental state of a child. I am treated badly by the man whose shoulder I should be resting on and calling proudly  “FATHER”. For every time we speak, never are there kind words.

Read: Diabetes Snatched Him Away From Us

It feels so strange whenever I come across someone gushing so much sweetness about their father. I cannot relate because all I have known is a father’s hatred. I was brought up to be scared of my father, even till now as an adult, the fear eats me up that I don’t believe there are good fathers out there. If I were God, I wouldn’t have blessed him with kids but no God already gave him wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

Father's hatred
Wonderful and lovely girls whom he disregards and calls “BUNCH OF DISAPPOINTMENT” at will.

He doesn’t care about our basic needs talkless of supporting our ambition. To be frank, I wish God will just answer my silent prayers already. What do you make of a man who physically and verbally abuses his wife in front of his children? What do you think of a man who hits his children for mere things he could be calm and talk to them about? What do you think of a man who listens to outsiders other than his family?

The thought is overflowing and it breaks my heart every day. It makes me think less of life. I don’t need a soothsayer to tell me that he doesn’t wish me good in life. For every penny he spends on our tuition or whatever, he is only concerned about what he will gain. He doesn’t believe in helping a child start up something he or she wants to achieve in life. Oftentimes he will threaten to chase me and my sisters out of his house.

father's hatred
Is home really where the love is like people say?
Read: What do I do when my dad is horrible and I can’t take it anymore?

He doesn’t provide as a father should yet his paranoia drives him bonkers. He screams to the rooftop asking us where we got the money from whenever we met our needs without his aid. One thing I regret is that I am a good child. I wish I was so spoilt and rude so I could serve him a taste of his own madness. I feel I wasted my time in the university for not mixing up with a bad company, maybe I could have made enough money never to return to his house.

Is home really where the love is like people say?  What is God’s plan that I have to go through this phase in life? Living with a father’s hatred? When I was younger I used to tell myself that his bullshit won’t matter in some year’s time, but here I am, I have dealt with it long enough but still not used to it.

father's hatred
I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’

With my eyes filled with tears, I write this. I really wished he was a lovely father, I wish I can be home and have a peaceful moment. I wish I could be proud to call him ‘dad’ because I feel there is more to calling him that than he just assuming the tag of a father. How painful is it to have lived above 25 and still be treated like a 12-years-old?  It is painful knowing that I cannot love my father like a friend. I hate that whenever he calls me there is always the feeling of “you must have done something wrong”.

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I have no regret being a girl child because I know I will do better than even a male child. The only regret I have is not being accepted by the only man who should matter in my life. How do I deal with my father’s hatred?

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Tai
Tai
1 month ago

It is sad but I know everything we go through in life, there’s always something to learn or something God is preparing us for. Nonetheless, I think there are certain things in life that we can on our own put to a stop, especially if it’s damaging our mental health. You won’t be a bad child if you call this off, or decide to put an end to all of this….At the end of the day, somebody has to say something. It could be you. I mean, it is many against one.

Aji
Aji
1 month ago
Reply to  Tai

How do you suggest that she call it off ?

Tai
Tai
1 month ago
Reply to  Aji

Like I said in my comment, it is many against one… She can address it with her mum and siblings to decide on what to do.. it could be taken with levity if physical abuse(towards her mother) isn’t involved.. There are ways to these things…I take it that she’s a strong opinionated person by this article.. she can put it to good use. No offense.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Tai

I see your point Tai. Some parents are so entitled, they fail to realise that their children have their own lives to live. How do you blame a child for your failed wish? It’s not like the child was aware she was coming into this world through you.

Then again sometimes it’s hard to move on. It’s hard to break free from toxicity. I hope the feedbacks here gives her more clarity and peace.

Aji
Aji
1 month ago

Sad to read. There may be more to it than just because you are girls. There may be things between your Mom and your Dad you(the kids) don’t know about. Dont wish him bad also I won’t suggest that you comfront him. Just Continue to be strong. I’m certain God has a reason for putting u in that situation.
Talk to God about the situation tirelessly for guidance and clarity.
You can talk to a professional about it too if it’s getting to your mental health.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Aji

Hmmmm another angle. There may be more to it than meets the eye. I hope the reason God brought her to such home is a good one.

However sometimes we must learn to call a spade a spade rather than looking for reasons to justify the situation.

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
1 month ago
Reply to  Aji

@Aji A story was told of a man who was once approached by his son, who discovered after many years that his supposed father wasn’t his biological father. He hated his mum for what he termed “a betrayal” on his dad. His dad sat him down and asked him to think back on all his childhood days until he became an adult and tell him if there was anyone who has loved him more than his mother has. The son couldn’t talk. His father asked again if the son has ever noticed the mother being disrespectful to him the husband.… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

👌👌

Slim.
Slim.
1 month ago

Too bad!! The thing is your father is a simple minded person that thinks shallowly. It’s so unfortunate that he is not wise enough to know that he could love his female children and fortify them in this life that they will be so valuable than male. But not to worry he will suffer it at the end of the day. He will later grow older and stay lonely, and regret not being friends and paternal to his daughters. Listen!! You are a strong lady, you have to turn this situation to a LITuation. The only way to subdue this… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Slim.

You just reminded me of the saying “Success is the best revenge”. Bless you Slim💥💥

AirStar
AirStar
1 month ago

Hmm… This story is sad and I can only imagine your pain. Just like many African fathers, your father believes exercising his strength over the female gender shows he’s a man. If you see it from this angle, you will only pity him instead of getting angry and might make you build up a mindset against the male gender. My father used to be very angry while we were growing up and we knew it had something to do with our gender because we are four girls, but as time passed and he grew older I see him warming up… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  AirStar

Wow! I love that you are speaking from experience. I strongly believe she’ll learn a thing or two from this.

Thank you Airstar. Long time by the way 😉

blow
blow
1 month ago

The annoying thing is that this kind of cruel behaviour comes from both literate and illiterate fathers. Anyways, in this kind of situation, what i will advice is this, if you haven’t already done that though. You, together with the rest of you that are being abused, which includes your mother, should talk to someone you know he listens to, or someone you think he would listen to. it could be a relative, a family friend, a spiritual leader you know he respects alot etc. Note: you can’t force him to love or accept you as he would have accepted… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  blow

Hmmmmm ‘old age’! I have heard of the same too, that abusive parents warm up to their children when they get old and especially when they are successful.

I pray God grants her heart desires.

Thank you Blow and also welcome on board 😁

Cynthia
Cynthia
1 month ago
Reply to  blow

What if he such father that doesn’t listen to anybody because he believes he knows best.

blow
blow
1 month ago
Reply to  Cynthia

In this kind of matter, however he feels that he knows best, a day will definitely come when he would get to realise that he has been wrong all along. But unless he is not given the grace to realise his mistakes as a result of sudden death, God forbid that.

bubu
bubu
1 month ago

I really wish i had an advise to give but i don’t, because i can’t relate to her situation. I just hope this doesn’t affect your mental health and that of your sisters as well.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  bubu

I hope so too. It is well. Thank you for your concern Bubu 🙏

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
1 month ago

It took me two days to finish reading this, not because it’s that long, but because I just relate on too many levels than I would want to. SAD There are folks who pretend their father is late because it is easier to deal with than to accept that you are “unacceptable”. I have taught myself to hold on to the strong desire to father my own offsprings and love them the way people should be loved, so they in turn will live their lives knowing that it is OK to love. Your story is sad, but here is what… Read more »

Last edited 1 month ago by Solchibuzor
muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

Thank you so much. You comment makes me short of words. Thank you 🎈🎈

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