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I am Muttering

Men Talk! How to get rid of Boners in Public

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5 min read

Unlike the ladies who can deny it whenever they are aroused in public because there is no visible evidence, it can be a battle of warlords for the men. 

Taming the eggplant in public is a special skill unique to each man, while some have found their medicine, some are a little over the place hoping to find a holy grail technique.

Sometime last week, I was gisting with my colleagues and we delved into some although educative but humorous sensual talk. Boners! A.K.A. Erections! Dealing with boners in public topped the pyramid of our discussion.

Boner
It’s okay in private, how about public?

How do men deal with boners in public? Erection starts in the brain. It could be triggered by something you saw, felt, smelled, heard or thought of. Although they are super useful in the bedroom with a lover or sex mate, no guy prays to have them in public because they are super embarrassing.

Covering with books or side bags can help

A Lady with some protruding figure 8 passes by and suddenly dude’s eggplant begins to jump. I imagine it’s saying “Oh please! Let me out of here, I want to dance some’ lol. A famous case of ‘the body’s willing but the soul’s not’. Peradventure dude ain’t wearing a brief underwear or some tight fitted pants, the dick print goes haywire.

Hey ladies! You might as well rethink sitting on a dude’s laps the next time he offers because damn! some egg be cooking in a hot steam inside his pants and nigga finna be so uncomfortable but wouldn’t dare say.

How do men even get their lil man to stop throwing tantrums in public?

Read: Are You On Your Period?

When the giggly boobs pass by...

“To get take my mind off it,  I focus on grapes. Hell knows I hate that shit. At the mere thought of it, my dick shrinks like a scared cat”… A colleague said, when I asked how he tames a boner in public.

What sparked my attention more was someone saying he usually thinks of ‘A tractor mowing a grass field’ then another ‘A pool of blood’ and the most grotesque was “I picture how awful it will be to have sex with my mum and my dick shrinks immediately”. 

Wooooow! Who would have thought? 

Boner
Taming the eggplant in public is a special skill

Before the conversation, I never knew men had a tough time suppressing boners in public, talk more of focusing their minds on the most unpleasant images, things they distaste, just to get the feeling away. Imagine finding solace in evil just to get rid of ‘evil’… that’s unfair! 

I was curious to know more about it so I extended the conversation to my male friends on WhatsApp. While some plead the fifth, some exclaimed “Why the heck should I have a boner in public”… oh well some rare breeds I guess. 

I also got generic responses like crossing legs, meditation, thinking of God, to name a few.

However, I got some responses worth sharing here. If you are a guy still searching for a  holy grail technique, one of these might just work for you.

Read: She’s Sorry, She Fell Pregnant 

Because of the sensitivity of the topic, I asked the respondent to use  pseudonyms. Here we go…

Boners

Liger said: “When I get a boner in a public place and need to get rid of quickly, I immediately imagine myself in an Anatomy cadaver laboratory. I imagine myself pick up the surgical knife and just cut along, and down it goes, quick fix.”

Osuofia said: “Not anything comical like old ladies or maths. Just take my mind away from the thought or source of the arousal”

Mack said: “Lol… it’s funny, but whenever it happens to me I do find a way to sit some time and tuck my baby in via my pocket. If my pocket is not making things easy I’ll just keep my two hands across it in a stylish way. It all depends on the environment you’re in. Sometimes it’s cute to leave it that way sha. Especially if your stuff is really large 😉”

Gipsy said: “Something like baba yaga or some other character from a horror movie… Crooked facial demeanour, weird movements, malevolent personality, those kinda things 🤷🏽‍♂🤷🏽‍♂🤷🏽‍♂”

Voldermort said: “You can’t really “out-think” especially if the babe is still present. So what I do is sit down and cross my legs. And if I’m unable to sit, I cover the bulge with both hands like I’m posing for a picture”.

The prints come in different shapes and sizes

Mutterer 101 said: “Think of the Rapture or Armageddon and think of how sexual sins will be punished, according to the Bible. Or just think of some random weird things thing such as a ghastly accident or a funny tv show, or anything. Lol”

Storm said: “I’m homophobic, so I think of something related to gay and then remove my mind from there. Before then, I must have adjusted my trouser to make sure it’s not noticeable”.

The Boner Crusher said:  “A very potent method that works is the ‘distraction from distraction’ 😂😂💔. How does this work? Start thinking of rubbish like a plane crashed into an ocean and pigs swam to save the crew only. It doesn’t make sense but it sure does in reality.”

That’s enough said to do the magic except you like to be Otis from Sex Education, then you need Jean Milburn for a fix. Jokes apart, if your egg plant chooses to be awake at odd places, recurrently and anomaly, you need therapy. 

Care to contribute some tips on how to get rid of boners in public? Care to share your most memorable (or embarrassing) moment having a boner in public?  the comment section is all yours. To the ladies, how do you react if you observe a guy getting a hard-on in public? Let’s talk!

 

 

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Ezeugo 1
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Ezeugo 1

Actually you don’t get Bonners only when you saw, felt, smelt or sense something sexual. You body sometimes gives you a Bonner naturally for blood flow. Anyways, when I think of my grand mom stripping naked, my Bonner disappears instantly

Aji
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Aji

😃

Aji
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Aji

Interesting read. 😃 Taking my mind off whats causing it does the magic for me. 😁 works all the time.

King Blessed
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King Blessed

Well, I have been victim boner countless period of time because of super libido😊 which made desperately looked for solutions, and I got it.

First, I wear tight pants …almost always🤫

Secondly, since erection start from the Brian, I create blockage in my head, I have so mastered it now and I am free.

Silas
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Silas

Most times you just have to take your mind off that dirty thought by distracting yourself. you may just try to work on something else, that way, you could deal with boners in a public place. It could be embarrassing actually. Also note that boners is not as a result of dirty thoughts all the time, it could be a natural phenomenon for blood flows.

Dante
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Dante

Wearing tight pants is the worse…loose pants and very good round of sex in the morning will suffice.

Amaka
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Amaka

Crossing leg always does it for most guys
I find it very hilarious tho😂😂😂😂😂

Bubu
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Bubu

😁😁😁 I Enjoyed this topic. I can’t even imagine how embarrassing this would be for a guy especially if he is in an official setting or public gathering. Anyways more boner to their instruments 🤣

Kenneth
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Kenneth

I control my boners by thinking and talking about very abstract things, you could even start singing cos boners primarily stems from thoughts and can only be suppressed that way