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I am Muttering

Maybe Holiday Syndrome

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7 min read

I’m tired😒, never been so unmotivated to write for myself like I am now😔. That moment where you have a lot of things to say yet you can barely make a sentence out of the bunch and even when you do, your brain welcomes it like soured beans, no sense😪! I was actually writing a story I think is beautiful, but anxiety got the most part of me, or maybe holiday syndrome?🤔

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But I had promised one last straw of creativity to Mutterers, so I kept scribbling words I felt made sense before I came to terms with looking my truth in the eye. I could have completed the story🥺, but I wouldn’t have felt so much love for it, and every time I sip a sentence, down to a paragraph from it, it’s only win will be reminding me of a time where I struggled to make sense🤦‍♀️. I hate to feel this way, the only time I’m allowed to is when I’m at a job interview, and I’m asked “where do you see yourself in five years?”🤨 I always try to make sense by stating a lot of stuff that hasn’t even made it to my bucket list yet🤥…wishful thinking, just because I need the job. Funny how this question is cliché yet hard, it goes to show that not every regular thing is near at hand; some are earth-shattering🥶.

holiday syndrome
Source- Tealink

 

ANXIETY

I don’t know what it is actually, but in these last days of 2020, I have been so tensed that it makes my legs twitch😬. Sometimes I blame it on the many workloads, other times I think there’s something really wrong😒. I get angry too and consciously look for a victim to transfer my aggression🥴. I’ve found myself putting too many chats on mute and even archived them because these individuals have sworn an oath to intensify my anxiety with their text messages always signing off with “ASAP”🙄. You won’t kill me fam! No, you won’t😑! But the biggest scam in all these is Mark Zukerberg😴, how do you make provisions for archiving and muting chats, only for it to get lost in just a second and come back to drive a nail in my eyes the next time the buffoon messages me again🤷‍♀️. Please scrap these features or improve them.  Mute should mean ‘SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY😑!!’…while archiving a chat should mean ‘GET LOST! NEVER TO BE FOUND BITCH😡!’ Not unless I grant you a presidential pardon.

holiday syndrome
Source- Verywellmind

I fought with the love of my life shortly before coming to terms with writing this😤. He advised me to shut my laptop for a while and look for something else to do since the words were not running as fast as a roach avoiding a broom wipe😕. I hated him for saying this, I expected a “baby you got this!”👊 with some other sweet words following. “How can you tell me to give up?😢 I promised one last story for the year, you know what, good night!😕” After I hung up, I went on Whatsapp to dish him an appetizer of my last vent only for the mister to react by sending me several scrolls longer than the one Moses used in repressing the Israelites from their hearts’ filth😭😭. I got so agitated that I began to wonder what the whole argument was about🤔. It was me really🥺. Me feeling tired yet not wanting to accept it😒. Me looking for answers that were already cat walking before my third eye😔.

holiday syndrome
Source- Time Magazine

Sometimes we know what exactly is wrong with us; we just hope the narrative can be changed🥶. In my quest for answers, I felt the sudden urge to hand my burden over to someone else who barely knows me, for some reason I felt running over another close friend will be futile still🤨. “Hey, I’m so exhausted, is it bad if I don’t show up again this year?” Pelumi replied to me with a sad eyed emoji 🥺🥺 and asked if it was work or the website? I couldn’t pin anything in particular, I sure knew I wasn’t feeling good and she said “Maybe holiday syndrome”🤔. The moment she said this, I felt some sort of relief, maybe I wasn’t running mad after all. Then she suggested “What about a short note? You can just wrap up with an appreciation note you know? So it doesn’t seem like you left Mutterers hanging.” The irony right now is that this right here is the 776th word I have written🤣🤣, how does this equate to a short note?🤦‍♀️ I haven’t even birthed my words of appreciation yet😆.

 

MAYBE HOLIDAY SYNDROME

Never have I looked forward to a holiday than this one🥴. Never have I been exhausted from everyone and everything but I am😔. I am too exhausted to a point where it’s affecting my work productivity, I really cannot wait😢. I wish I could be daggered in a box to have my beauty sleep for 600 years🛌 but that will be over my parent’s dead body😤 because I can tell they swore a subconscious oath that while I’m on earth, they will ensure blood and sweat that I may never relax my nerves😭😭. I’m the only child currently in the house, my other siblings fled for safety to avoid unending errands 😒. If you still believe I’m a writer; you are partly wrong🤕, best believe I am a full-time maid who takes care of two elderly babies and two dogs🙄. It’s rotten luck to be the only child in the house, don’t let anyone butter you up with the lie that there will be plenty of food because even if there is, house chores zap you of all the energy you need to enjoy a meal🤮. A malnourished appetite is what you live with, always, and forever🤮.

holiday syndrome
Source- Parents

Most importantly, this holiday, I want to rest. Rest my head and possibly switch off my phones💆‍♀️. I had planned to visit the beach and some other places, but I’ll pass, I really do not have the energy to muster those electrifying beach perfect smiles👩‍🦯. If you plan on spending ample time on your bed like me this holiday, your goal is valid👊. Do not let anyone stop you from loving your bed even though the last time you visited the beach was since you were 10-years-old like me😴.

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Fun is like love. Like you need to love yourself first before you can seek it in someone else, fun is the same, learn to have fun with yourself first🙂. If you haven’t experienced stage one and you decide to throw caution to the wind this season, I pray your beach shirt gets burnt while ironing🤨 or the shoe you reserved for dirty December gets eaten by a rabid dog😕. Nonsense and ingredients😡! You all can’t keep making ‘we’ introverts feel bad🙄.

I WISH YOU ******

I don’t know what you love so that I can wish you get it but I know something you must love, and that’s Muttering Minds😆😆. If you don’t already love this community, then I wish you do😗. I wish you get choked by the obsession of every word here that you are provoked to leave a comment always😊. I wish you spread the goodnews of the interesting stories here aggressively as Paul did in Macedonia to the gospel of Christ😂😂. This is my wish for you, come 2021🤎. Do I sound selfish?🙊 Well, aren’t we all?😜 Or you expected me to say “I wish you what you wish for yourself”? That’s vague and how can I be sure your wish is not my death?🤷‍♀️ It’s out of harm’s way we play this way🤝.

holiday syndrome
Source- Medium

Sincerely, I thank you all for riding with me throughout 2020 ❤ and most especially understanding that I am human too, that’s what I love the most about our relationship here😁.  Your continuity to show up is my drive and be sure I do not take it for triviality. Above all, I wish you a peaceful holiday🤗, and if you ever get bored, feel free to send me an email (mutteringminds@gmail.com) so we can gossip some😜. You do know gossip is good relaxation for the nerves right🤪?

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This is officially the last post for the year💃💃, to resume next year, a date only God has the answer to👩‍🦯. However, I’ll like to officially announce that new stories will now be every Friday or Sunday as opposed to the subtle guesswork trauma I’ve been putting you all through for the past year🤭. Fridays for every other post and Sundays when it is religious inclined🤝. I pray the genie who blesses my spirit with the ingredient to procrastinate and be inconsistent departs from me in the New Year. I GOT THIS!!!💃💃

holiday syndrome
Source- Deviant Art

So let’s talk, what do you look forward to during this holiday?😃 How would you like to spend it? Any wish?😅 Remember, whatever you say is valid. Low-key I’m hoping I’m not alone on this sleep quest🙃, do not betray me, brethren, I repeat, DO NOT! Identify yourselves so I can form a sleep coven😂😂.

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Common, gist me, let’s talk in the comment section😁. And if you got any reservations about all I wrote so far, feel free to say too. I’m waiting. 😁👇

 

 

Do not forget to like, rate, and share this article!😁

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Grand Ma Mendiz
Grand Ma Mendiz
5 months ago

Yes😃 mama i made it. First time commenter and hoping my comment is the first too😂. I enjoy all your stories and got to know about this community since you posted one hiccups post, since then i felt connected. You deserve rest actually. Thank you for the interesting stories here, its been my go to. I would have loved you fixed a date on the next story so i can look forwrd to it lol. I hope i can keep commenting and juat like Paul, i have been preching the gospel of this community, three of my friends read now.… Read more »

Clearnet
Clearnet
5 months ago

Great write up and thanks for fulfilling your promise of one last story before the end of the year. I’ve been a fan for about 8months now and you have never disappointed. Keep up the good work.

In regards to how I wanna spend the holidays, I just wanna spend it resting and catching up with loml.. 😁.

Clearnet
Clearnet
5 months ago

😂 loml dont play like that 😂😂 .. I dare not 🤣🤣

StevenPaul
StevenPaul
5 months ago

Lol felt like you read my mind with this story. I’ve never felt so unmotivated to work while gazing ahead for the holidays.. The year feels soooo long. Can the holidays just start already? Can 2020 be over already ?
My mind keeps shuffling these questions even though I know I’m not about to get an answer. 😃

StevenPaul
StevenPaul
5 months ago

😂😂 You’re funny. Great writeup by the way. There’s something about the way you write…. Kudos to the good work.

Nnamdi
Nnamdi
5 months ago

You have a way of getting somone reading to visualize your experience easily. I enjoyed reading this, likewise your other stories I have come across. Btw, your experience with your parents made me recall when I was still living with mine😂😂😂😂. Omo x 1billion. Run if you can but make sure you have money.

This Christmas, I intend to catch up with some old time friends, it’s something we do every year. See you next year Muttering Minds😊

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
5 months ago

I understand! This is a phrase I am very careful to use, but this time I do understand. I am currently in a site in PH, my body at least, while my mind is laying on my custom built bed in Enugu, completely unclad, legs stretched out with flatulence flowing freely out through my open balcony door, as cool breeze comes in to replace it. I am currently at work, working as fast as a snail crawls, unable to just close shop and go home because the client needs to use here in a few days. So each time i… Read more »

Last edited 5 months ago by Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
5 months ago

Naaa baby, this love we share has not been shared with anyone else.

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Bubu
Bubu
5 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

Fake love 🙄🙄

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
5 months ago

abiii….as long as we are both real in our fakeness

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
5 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Bubuuuuuuuuu…..😍😍😍
My love for you is more potent than corona vaccine

Teddy
Teddy
5 months ago

This has been a hell of a year for all of us. From lockdown to endsars but atleast we look forward to better days come 2021 (hopefully)😹. Now I know the name of my dilemma ( holiday syndrome). I’ve been blaming it on household chores because at the end of the day when I open my books to read, I don’t exceed an hour and sleep comes coming (selfishly happy that all school are to wait till Jan 18 cause I haven’t been reading). Deep down I just want to drink coke, watch tiktok and sleep forever but unfortunately life… Read more »

Bubu
Bubu
5 months ago

I had plans, major plans to enjoy myself to the fullest this Christmas, but my trip has been cancelled 😩😩 and with this second wave i keep hearing about, I’m not sure any serious waka will take place. Anyways I’m still optimistic and I have plans to enjoy myself to the best of my ability. I’m just glad that we’ve closed from work and I can finally catch a break.

Bubu
Bubu
5 months ago

I’m tired 😓

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Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
5 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Wherever you find yourself,
Traveling or not. Do well to enjoy yourself to the best of your ability. Afufu adiro agwu agwu

Nuella
Nuella
5 months ago

Heyo! Late to the parry? Nah! I will just type away till my fingers gets tired of caressing my phone screen🤗 Funny how I stumbled on muttering minds. I was scrolling through my timeline and there was this very popular influencer, me I was just reading his tweet and then, about to the the comments underneath and boom! Social hiccup hooked me.. 😂 I checked it out and I was like how can someone just still my thoughts without my permission? Like, who gave this person the right to dig dip into my mind 🌝 I couldn’t help but find… Read more »

Nuella
Nuella
5 months ago

Ha ha, go girl! Spam ’em tweets!
Amen amen!

Muttering minds to the world! 💃

Pretty Anon
Pretty Anon
5 months ago

Mama🥰 Thank you for all the amazing stories here. It’s been a major bad a wonderful part of my year. You, my darling, you deserve a break. And you’re not alone on the sleeping thing. I feel like I’m going to sleep my way through this Christmas honestly.

Tai
Tai
5 months ago

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Seyi Vandy
Seyi Vandy
5 months ago

Gossip??

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Ruthie
Ruthie
5 months ago

Your stories all year long have been a 💥 💥…Big thumbs up to you Muttering minds and I hope there will be a thunderous come back after this holiday😋😋😋…As for me, I have already promised myself that I won’t be a part of any unnecessary stress till the end of the year😂 😂 and my big plan for the holiday is a long date with my bed and my phone😂😂

Onyii
Onyii
5 months ago

Sometimes I forget you are human, I have this weird thought that once you get a pen or lay your hands on the keypad, the words just come out swift 😏 Thank God for the holiday 💃 I don’t have major plans this festive season o and with everything going on, I’ve got an open mind to take invites (maybe) but I’m totally cool with staying indoors. My bed is my work/relaxation station. I got a laptop table some days back, ready to use the life outta it 😁 You’ve put in so much into mutteringminds this year and you’ve… Read more »

Nkechi
Nkechi
5 months ago

Aren’t we all guilty, I dragged myself to an occasion I wouldn’t normally attend just because I wanted to distract and unwind……what a year!!! Can’t wait to embrace the rest,should I be given the opportunity. Thanks for dragging us along with thought provoking stories and eye opening exposés(hope I got this spelling right🤔) this year I’ve found some stories to be fun, exciting,informative and sometimes a bit weird and slightly uncomfortable as we all come from different back grounds and different stories hit differently. In all its been beautiful,this comment is getting way too long already loooool. Happy holidays!!

Chidi
Chidi
5 months ago

An interesting read, giving us a peep into your busy life. A beauty sleep for 600 years may be too much to ask, lest you wake up a relic when man may have evolved to having six toes and four fingers. Have a wonderful holiday and 2021, and I look forward to reading more from you.

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
5 months ago

Reading this gave me thoughts. I paused a lot of times cos this is somewhat my feelings you expressed. I had a very horrifying experience yesterday, and trust me, it was overly overwhelming 😭 My holiday is ruined, I’m very uninterested in anything and I feel like this feeling has come to stay cos I’m really calm in this storm I’m faced with at the moment. Uninterested is my new calm, especially when it’s got plans to stress me out. Amidst all, I’m grateful to God it happened when it did, as it’s an expression of God’s interest in my… Read more »

King
King
5 months ago

Thank God you were able to write this, it’s much needed.

Ines
Ines
5 months ago

I am even too tired to leave a proper comment. My brain retired from active 2020 duties since Dec. 14th.

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