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Long-distance Relationship is a scam! Except…

Writer- Jules Jeremiah
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3 min read

Once upon a time, I used to be a huge fan of long-distance relationship. At the time, I swear, I could beat anybody up that tried to argue with me about close proximity relationships being better than long-distance relationships.

I wish I had listened, I wish I didn’t have to wait to be a victim. But you see, experience is a professor and in the school of long-distance relationships, I’m a PhD holder. Prior to now, never have I had a close-range relationship, and yeah they were all good guys to an extent. 

READ: 30 Long Distance Relationship Quotes That Will Melt Your Heart
Long distance relationship
It takes a high level of trust to believe what you see than what you don’t.

First, it was Lagos to Ogun, afterwards, Lagos to Port Harcourt, then Lagos to Abuja. Next was Lagos to Ghana, the one that got me tumbling was Lagos to the USA. My heart is well travelled so trust me when I say LDR is a scam. I’m really sure a lot will still argue this out, but then, that’s why we are Mutterers right?

Someone once said to me “long-distance relationships require more trust”, but I don’t agree. Cause if you’ll be honest with yourself, it takes a high level of trust to believe what you see than what you don’t. I can’t punish my emotions with having faith in a relationship I can’t have access to as often as I wish. Are you Jesus? Let my faith be for him alone cause I’ve never seen him and won’t till I go to heaven. That’s the only long-distance relationship I can deal with in my life.

Read: Pros And  Cons Of Singlehood
Long distance relationship
The distance will still disconnect the connection.

Point is, if you and your partner don’t have a strong physical connection, the distance will mess you both up badly. But still, no matter how strong the connection is, the distance will still disconnect the connection. Take it from me. And sadly, this long-distance relationship has destroyed a lot of people. I was almost on that list.

A friend asked me, “Jules, imagine you’re dating someone from a distance based on past knowledge you have of the person, and then one day he comes back and you both get married, only for you to realise you barely know each other?”. 

Dear Mutterers, love cannot solve what knowledge should solve. Communication cannot give you what physical knowledge can give, especially in this our present era. It’s a proven truth that a lot of people know the right things to say when sought after for advice, but lack the act when they’re faced with it.

Read: Is Socia Media Display Of Affection Healthy?
Long distance relationship
Communication cannot give you what physical knowledge can give.

Communication is key in every relationship, but you see, communication is not character. Communication helps keep the long-distance relationship busy, but you see character, it helps keep your peace of mind and sanity.

For the long-distance relationship diehard fans, are you aware that long-distance relationship sucks, especially when you don’t have money? Especially in this our country, long-distance relationships are as hard as our economy. 

Read: Where You Left Me
Long distance relationship
If you must, then take the factors seriously…

After all these I have said, if you feel you got the balls to carry on with that miles apart relationship, you have to consider these two factors: 

  1. You both have to be very intelligent & super inventive.
  1. You both should be financially independent to a VERY large extent.

If you both lack these, please look for someone in your neighbourhood and date. You can thank me later.

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Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
8 months ago

I beg to disagree. Distance isn’t directly proportional to the success of the relationship. I’ve seen some that have pulled through. If you like date someone that lives next door what wouldn’t work will not work. There’s no manual to these things

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
8 months ago
Reply to  Ezeugo 1

The fact that it worked, does it justify that they’re doing great as a couple? They won’t tell you these things, and that’s the sad part. I dated a guy for 2years only to realise when we finally met up that he has a baby mama of whose child is 9months old. And the only reason I figured out was cos I visited. I’ve seen this female alot of times with him on facetime. He’d always tell me she’s his friend’s girlfriend and not his type. Isn’t it what we’re told in a relationship that we believe? Did I trust… Read more »

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
8 months ago
Reply to  Jules Jeremiah

That it happened to you doesn’t mean it’s the same thing for everyone else. Like I said, there’s no manual to relationships

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
8 months ago
Reply to  Ezeugo 1

What I forgot to add to my submission was that there are folks to whom it’s a preference. There are people who do better when the relationship is not “on their face” everyday…it chokes them when you’re always around. For them, it’s better when even after you’re married..you have to work away from home and come back weekends.

So yea, it works for some and for others nope. As for me..I am emotionally needy, so at some point, I’d want to cling to you and love you to stupor…lol. And that can be overwhelming sometimes.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

So true. Some like it choky, some on the fence, while some love it miles apart.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Ezeugo 1

I agree. No manual. Not being distant might not have stopped a baby mama. The question is, are they who they say they are even when you are not watching?

Sifon
Sifon
8 months ago

Yea, distant relationship is not very easy but then it can succeed. Yes, if the parties already had a very strong connection before being distant, and truly love themselves not just false love, then they can still pull through. Thank God for video calls and all that, also with constant communication on a daily basis, LDR can succeed. Thanks

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
8 months ago
Reply to  Sifon

I think I’d have to pull someone up to share his experience. Especially on this strong connection part. You’ll read from him soon.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Sifon

Yeah technology helps to bridge the gap. THANK YOU

Silas
Silas
8 months ago

Apparently, it is different strokes for different folks. In my opinion, it could come either way both positive or negative. We have seen or heard of cases where people who are remotely in a relationship ended up getting married and more often we have seen or heard of cases where distance relationships fail. It is only God we don’t get to see but yet we believe in what he is capable of doing and we know he is always there for us. But the fact that we are humans, our flesh will sting on whatever deprives us from what we… Read more »

Jules Jeremiah
Jules Jeremiah
8 months ago
Reply to  Silas

I agree with the different folks for different strokes. My question is, “is the fact that we’re assured that God will be there for us regardless, an assurance that a human will stand by you till death? Even couples that take the vow end up breaking it, what would we then say about spouses? I know someone who got married to the long-distance relationship love of her life. It was indeed an amazing union. Beautiful lady, handsome guy with a fat account. Well spoken couple, good together in pictures. Never a dull moment conversations on facetime and audio calls. As… Read more »

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
8 months ago

Long distance relationships used to be my thing until the girl I love stopped me in the middle of a hilarious conversation and said we needed to quit. I was dumb for a minute, then asked why..and she said it’s complicated. Now this doesn’t mean it cannot work o…so here are the things I think would help it work.. (bear with me) for Men! 1. Have better physical attributes than any guy she’s gonna meet will possibly have, then pray she’s not easily swayed all the same. 2. Have goooood money and join the mile high club. Must live at… Read more »

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
8 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

Oga, what will the ladies be doing? Must the burden be on the guy? LDR takes discipline and hard work from both parties not one

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
8 months ago
Reply to  Ezeugo 1

Ahhhh Chief Ezeugo Nke Mbu!
I have spoken from where the shoe de pinch me o…let the women come up with their own manual.

Oreoluwa
Oreoluwa
8 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

😂😂

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

Bottom line! Be creative in everything 😂😂😂. So you mean some women don’t have respect for bra? While I agree with you comment, all these can still happen even when you both are close by. The only difference is that people who are in long distance relationships think more about cheating because they are constantly aware of the void. That is why they keep asking their partners questions that normally shouldn’t pop.

I actually laughed reading your comment😂😂

Bibi Mela
Bibi Mela
8 months ago

Long distance relationships are hard no doubt. There is no need to sugarcoat it. The number of miles between two people and the fact that they are in different time zones is a lot to handle. But here’s the truth about long distance relationships — even though it’s hard, even though it is a struggle, the thought of having someone who loves you still, who chooses you every single day even when they’re far away from you, is the most precious thing and will all be worth it in the end. it’s a challenge and life is all about taking… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Bibi Mela

Very well said. It takes two to tango👏👏

Darius
Darius
8 months ago

You made some valid points.

Peaches
Peaches
8 months ago

LDR is a 80/20 chance only about 20% of these relationships succeed….. Like really SUCCEED! I’ve tried it a few times and it was working but that distance played a huge role in separating us. I don’t subscribe to it anymore.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Peaches

Like I learnt, it takes an experience to formulate new mantras. This was your fair share.

Bammy™
Bammy™
8 months ago

Lol… Well written article.. Spot on… Long distance relationship ain’t for me either… Except in marriage where the man or woman gets transferred as a result of work and even at that… We go dey move together ni… I no wan hear say dem shoot bird him mama fly… Say I go mistakenly give another person Belle or person give my wife Belle… Trust nor reash that one ooo. 😀😀

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Bammy™

😂😂😂 oh well! I like that you stated marriage is no exception for the lapses of LDR’s

Mama Jay
Mama Jay
8 months ago

#My2cent 👉Truth is the chances of LDRs to workout is slim compared to close range relationships. My sister 1ce said “I dont mind drinking garri the rest of my life with my man but you see me drinking it alone here and him elsewhere no be for me I no dey do”… As much as so many things are considered while dating PHYSICAL CONNECTION is key too. Let me see you when, where and how I want maybe that’s why John legend sang ALL OF ME yep I want and choose to see ALL OF MY PARTNER. Then also God… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Mama Jay

Wow! You just opened my eyes to see something. Even from the creation story, God had a reason for creating Adam and Eve in the same place😂😂😂. While this might seem funny, there is a huge sense in it.

I have heard similar stories of how some people create a baby making factory here in Nigeria and then have some paradise in the abroad. It is super wrong.

At the end of the day we must try to be as close to our partners in every way we can. Thank you Mama Jay👏👏

Tai
Tai
8 months ago

I just finished reading every last one of each comment! Very powerful i must say…a lot of intelligent people on this platform … #quickthoughts one particular comment made me scared, cos it’s as if I have all my truth being thrown at me.. but I won’t say much now…I’m on a LDR survey and it’s going well as we speak…. We have plans to be together soon…becos eeez not easy at all!! I tell you😒My prayer is that I’m gonna come here later to testify to how good it turned out.. until then, LDR for president!!😛🙌

Girl
Girl
8 months ago
Reply to  Tai

LDR diff strokes for diff folks……no Manual for these things jare…I just started dating a great guy till his work transferred him…both of us don’t believe in LDR…Soo what do we do?

We just couldn’t break up😜
There is No guarantee for any relationship,even the ones that live together or live together for years still break up.even for distance relationship that the guy call for hours and the relationship is honey can jx gt married to smbdy els the next month. NO MANUAL

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
8 months ago
Reply to  Girl

@Girl, I think yours has a better chance of working because you’ve already built a connection before you guys were thrown far from each other by work.
But you see these ones that begin from long distance and continues as long distance?… The chances of it working out is very slim.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Solchibuzor

Exactly my point.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Tai

Yassssss! Beat your chest harder and say louder ‘LDR for president’😂😂. Jokes apart, don’t be scared girl.

Bubu
Bubu
8 months ago

Truth be told long distance relationship is hard 😭😭, nobody to cuddle or smooch especially during harmattan season!!! It takes a lot for it to work out. I love what the writer wrote about both parties being intelligent, super inventive and financially independent.
That “Super inventive” is very necessary, cos if everyone one is just relaxed and non-challant about ensuring it works out, just share the grace cos church Agbasala…..

NEWS FLASH!!!! If you’re living on the island in Lagos and your Bae is on the Mainland, you’re also into LDR 😂😂

Solchibuzor
Solchibuzor
8 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Hahahahajahahahaha

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

😂😂😂 dont you have cardigan? News flash got me rolling😂😂😂

Myke
Myke
7 months ago

The subject matter is relative on the surface.
I for one am not a fan of long distance relationships, but I do not totally discourage it. I’ve been in it more times than not, but I discovered there’s always a disconnect somehow somehow for me. But the ladies seem to have a higher will and tolerance. I like adventure therefore I easily get bored. (Well that’s for me)

My opinion is some ladies (especially the ones who trust their man) and career persons are more susceptible to LDR. And frankly it works well for some persons. I’ve seen a few.

muttering minds
Admin
7 months ago
Reply to  Myke

Yeah through. When career is involved, chances are that it works more. So you like some adventure yeah😁

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