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The Mirage of Marriage Vows; Why I Cheat on my Wife 

Writer- Anonymous
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7 min read

Things are never as they seem especially when you’re not walking in the exact shoes. I wouldn’t want to conclude that we lie through our teeth when we make some affirmations about ourselves, all I’ll say is that exuberance gets the better part of us when we do. Until push comes to shove, we will never know who we really are,  until then, we keep qualifying ourselves with words that sound good, portray us in a fine light, and most apt of all, massage our ego.

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“After my graduation, I am going to marry a beautiful damsel, I’m going to treat her like a queen; I will never cheat on her or lay my hands on her. I am going to so pamper her to a point where people will think she uses voodoo to control me, but I won’t care.” These were the aesthetic words my elder brother used in describing his envisaged marriage to his best friend during a conversation in 1993, I was fortunate to hear them converse and I decided that very moment it was going to be my life too.  But how unfortunate, my elder brother had married three times since 1999.

cheating on my wife

Few months before I got married to my sweetheart less than a decade ago, I told myself that no other woman would have carnal knowledge of me. Cheating was a huge NO for me, I felt too sure I was going to uphold my marriage vows till I’m six feet beneath. However, a few weeks after our wedding, my heartbeat had to jet off Nigeria to head a company overseas, she, unfortunately, wouldn’t be visiting home in about twelve months.

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Oh, I didn’t tell you that I love sex more than food, I easily point out the weakness and lack of skills of many porn stars effortlessly. I am that good. My libido is indescribable. I studied sex. My baby is extremely good too. Now, we were about to leave without it for more than a year, it didn’t look like a big deal because I held our marriage vows sacred and the love we share is precious too.

cheating on my wife (blue balls)
Source- Times of India

However, after many months went by, I started to feel very uncomfortable anytime I got aroused through wet dreams or sensual thoughts; I felt serious pain in my testicles. When a man is aroused, sperm is generated in the testicles and the sperm gathered in the scrotum causes discomfort because they are not released. I took to a habit of masturbation to get rid of the semen out of my system but only a little semen can be released through masturbation. Also, coupled with all the other side effects and the disadvantages of masturbation, I became frustrated and very sex-starved.

The Last Straw

For a while, I still kept on with masturbation because it was the most I could do, I couldn’t tell my wife how I was feeling sexually for fear of distrust with her thinking I might be tempted to cheat. One day, I was out with a female friend in an open space but for some reason, I couldn’t place it, I got aroused in the process, maybe because I hadn’t come that close to a female since my wife traveled. I was having an erection as we spoke and couldn’t bear the pain in my testicles too as I could neither stand nor walk to where I would board a cab. The pain was so much that two people alongside the lady had to come over to help me stand on my feet.

cheating on my wife; Blue balls
Source- YouTube

“Are you sex-starved?” the lady asked me days after the incident while she came visiting me at home. The question made me stutter, I was embarrassed to admit it, apparently, she linked what happened the other day to lack of sex. She offered to give me a blowjob with a stern warning never to touch her because she was a virgin. Somehow the bias of it being just a blowjob and the fact that she was a virgin made it sound cool. I was torn between upholding my marital vows or setting for a blow job.

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“It’s just a blow job, nothing more! Calm down”, I said these words in my mind trying to justify the act; after all, I won’t have to kiss her nor sex her right? I obliged and she seductively unbelted my trouser and got working on my dick. I knew I was cheating on my wife regardless of my zest to justify it as “just a blowjob”.  While she kept taking my dick in and out of her mouth with numerous strokes, I didn’t forget about my marriage vows. I remembered the beauty of my wife and the excellence of our marriage but none of them could stop me at this point. To feel less of a sinner, I at some point imagined it was my wife performing the act, her facials and moan but…

cheated on my wife; blow job
Source- Amazon

THE BEGINNING AND HICCUPS

Truthfully, It was one of the best relievers I had had in a long time; my semen was as warm as pap and I felt better. The act crowned the beginning of my life as a cheating husband because tell you what, I can’t stop even if I tried. And despite showing off my marital status, the ladies I meet still wanted me in bed. 

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Do I feel sad for being a cheat? At the initial stage, I felt bad, but there’s something about committing a sin without getting caught that makes you want to do it over and over. For some weird reasons, it feels like the ladies I usually have extramarital affairs with makes the bond with my wife stronger. My getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere makes  me bug less about her return, all I do is support her with affection over the phone and dish career advice.

cheating on my wife
Source- Shutter Stock

No one ties the knot with a mindset that they are going to cheat, circumstances make people cheat. Maybe I would still be cheating on my wife if the distance wasn’t a barrier because who knows, another factor could have led to cheating. For instance, my best friend married his virgin angel who has a lower libido than him, they created a love-making timetable but the lady would choose to fast and pray the day they ought to make love just to avoid sex. My friend is now an unrepentant cheat.

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Olu, my friend married his sex-freaked girlfriend, they share three children but he loves to have sex with ladies with much better touches. His wife enjoys penetration, she is not really good at oral sex and she doesn’t see why she has to learn it. Today, the beautiful haven they had as a home is now a beautiful past event.

Spit or Swallow - A Blow Job Beginner's Guide to Spitting or Swallowing
Source- Cosmopolitan

Tope, my old neighbor lost his wife to a distant friend because he stopped showering and brushing his mouth before going to bed as he felt it is not really important like it used to be when they were dating. He cried, he begged but he lost her after more than a year of her cheating behind closed doors.

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I also have a lady friend that got married to her first university love and his cheating lifestyle began after two kids. The lady got solace from a male friend that was also broken and the chemistry was irresistible, in the process, she discovered love-making can be heaven on earth; she thus desired much more of it.

 

FINITO!

One bitter truth no one likes to voice is that marriage vows do not stop cheating.  Cheating is not necessarily an absence of love but certainly an absence or presence of some variables. Research tells us that more than 50% of couples felt they married the wrong persons in the first five years of their marriages. Many of them desire divorcé and/or engage in extramarital affairs. Time, events, and unity of purpose are what solidifies marriages, not vows or promises.

Do I think my wife is cheating on me too? Most likely yes! But I’ll be a very foolish man to ask her that question. At some point, she’d have wanted sex and a man gotta do what he gotta do right?

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I decided to share my story here especially for people who think that marriage vows are everything needed to keep a home, and to those who condemn divorcees and write comments on blogs affirming “I don’t care what happens, my own marriage will work”. Interesting! Do you really think these couples didn’t fight to protect their marriage? Do you think they gave up just like that? Only he that wears the shoes knows where it pinches most so I’ll advise you to wait your turn.

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cheating on my wife

Just like I’ve relayed my experience sincerely, I’ll like to ask, can you open up to your spouse or partner if you cheated on them? My wife will be home soon finally, never to be apart and I really want us to work, I want us to start making babies too and I’m thinking the first step should be opening up about my cheat life with hopes that I don’t go back to committing such sin again and also so I don’t feel guilty. Would the best approach be letting her in on my cheat life? If you are in her shoes, would you forgive me?

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Also, I’ll like to ask the married ones reading this, have you ever cheated on your spouse? How did you feel the first time you cheated? If you’ve stopped cheating, how did you manage to navigate back to morality? I’ll appreciate your comments👇👇👇. 

 

 

 

 

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muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago

First I’ll like to apologise for not having any story go up last week especially to those of you not following any of the outlets where I communicate (Telegram & Naked Minds), sorry you were left in the dark😔. There was so much to fix and I’m glad we’re back stronger 💃🕺💃🕺 Today’s story is from a man I met through this platform. He opened up to me on one of our chats on Naked Minds, and I felt the nudge to have him pen his story. I figure a lot of married folks go through this with emphasis on… Read more »

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Barbs
Barbs
3 months ago

Funny that I feel like I have no business commenting here, especially on this issue…but here goes nothing. I’m not married and I’m not keen on marriage. I believe in companionship, even better if it’s a lifetime one. That said, cheating is cheating. I’m currently in a long distance relationship and it’s been on for a good ten years. The covid lockdown didn’t help as we live and work in different countries…there’ve been other challenges of course. My sweetheart recently asked me to be honest in response to his question, he asked if I believed him when he says he’s… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Barbs

Hmmmm your last line gives hope, some things are better left unsaid or ‘unasked’. But mehn 10 years is a very long time, but I’m sure he’s worth it for you to have stuck this long. I wish you happiness in the end❣.

Ps. Never feel you have no business commenting, you never know who your opinion gives hope to. For instance there might be someone second guessing their 2 years long distance relationship, but seeing you doing 10 years is 🔥 🔥

Thank you Barbs❣

Peter
Peter
3 months ago

As if you were talking about me😊

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Peter

Ooo that’s sweet to know 😄

Bagudo
Bagudo
3 months ago

Hmmm though am still in my early twenties not having much experience on the cheating stuff coz l am that kind of person who would decide on not even going for a friendship that wouldnt lead to marriage but if cheating have to come into play its better if it not exposed

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Bagudo

Well said Bagudo, you know what you want and go for it.

Cece
Cece
3 months ago

Speaking from experience I have been cheated on by my husband we have two boys and we’ve been together for 17 years already and in this 17 yrs he cheated on me so many times I have lost count the apologies and him crying and begging me not to leave him because he loves me and he doesn’t want to loose his family, today I can say I have an ice box where my heart used to be. My advice is honesty because skeletons in the closet always have a way of coming back you are going to need her… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Cece

Wow! Thank you for sharing this, I’m sure it’s the experience that’s shaped your heart on an ice box, I see no wrong in that. Also, sorry you’ve had to go through this too, I’m sure you have your reason for remaining in the marriage too.

I appreciate your contribution Cece❣

Onyii
Onyii
3 months ago
Reply to  Cece

I totally understand the icebox in place of your heart. It’ll protect you and keep your sanity

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Onyii

!!!

Anon
Anon
3 months ago

I cheated once on my wife and it has been the most regretful decision of my life. I felt so guilty she could tell my behaviour was withdrawn and awkward. After much while of holding it inside, I decided to free myself by telling her the truth. Things are not the same anymore. It was a bad decision telling her. She doesn’t trust me again even though I have never committed the sin again. Telling your wife is one you’ll regret, the only thing you owe her is a changed behaviour. Its not a good thing living with someone who… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Anon

Wow, so sorry you have to go through this but you should embrace it as a part of the consequences that comes with cheating😔. Also like I mentioned to someone earlier, telling could be either a blessing or a curse.

Give her time Anon😔.

Anon
Anon
3 months ago

Yes, I’m hoping she comes around soon. Thank you and good work here.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Anon

You’re welcome. Thanks for sharing too ❣

Jay
Jay
3 months ago

Dear Married man, If i were in your shoes, I won’t open up yet about my cheating status. It can do a lot more damage than good. I think you might want to get both of you to ‘start all over again’. You have both grown, tastes have upgraded/downgraded, and so, you might want to work on building new trust, and not rely on old trust. If and when the guilt rears its head up again, you might want to confess to a friend or religious leader. If you want to stop cheating, such support system might be needed to… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Jay

Deep sigh! Thank you so much for sharing your story, you also raised some points that got my attention.

In the case of using ‘maturity’ as a yardstick for telling, it might not apply here. Sometimes you feel you’re matured to handle situations, but some situation are defeaning, they make you overreact beyond control.

Also about speaking to a friend or a religious leader, I’ll subscribe to friend. Don’t mind me, I have a bias for confessing to religious folks lol.😄

Jay
Jay
3 months ago

Deep down, your intuition would tell you if your partner can handle it or not. That’s the maturity i am talking about.

I have a bias towards religious folks too. I was just trying to directly respond to the writer of the post. If he feels so guilty, there is a tendency he is also a churchy person. He might find solace in confiding in a fellow church person.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Jay

Very well said Jay, thanks for the clarity 🤗

Anons! Maturity is really relative.
Anons! Maturity is really relative.
3 months ago

We share same bias.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago

Hehehe😄

Noble
Noble
3 months ago

The more I get close to marriage age, the more it gets scary. There’s one story or the other that makes me question if the union is worth it. I am scared of the change that comes with it. I can’t stand my spouse cheating on me, it will kill me. On the other hand I’m worried and I hope I won’t be the one cheating on them.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Noble

I figure every person should have marriage phobia at least to an extent; some have it on the high-side though. I fear marriage too but I’m hoping I cross the bridge 😒

On the other hand, I don’t think marriage is for everyone😇.

Nkechi
Nkechi
3 months ago

To be honest this post makes me sad for some reason perhaps because some of my marriage fantasies just got destroyed and it’s not like I was a big fan prior to now,is there anything honest and true out there anymore?
Or are we just all lying and pretending

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Nkechi

Well well well, I believe there is. There’s this amazing series I binged watched over the week, quite old but I happened to stumble on it on YouTube, “This Is It”, by Lowla Dee. The series gives me every sense of hope in marriage and thats what I choose to see. So help me God 😔

Didiong
Didiong
3 months ago

‘This is it’ series is quite hopeful.

Still, I get discouraged by many stories of cheating. I have been cheated on severally. I am not married. Lately, I often wonder if i wont be the one to disappoint.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Didiong

Awwwww phobia kicking in. In my own case I don’t think I’ll dissappoint my spouse by cheating, I fear for my mood swings actually. I don’t know if I can leave with someone forever without needing to breathe. 🙇‍♀️

Anon
Anon
3 months ago

Being able to breath is something in marriage, it could go bad if you are married to a clingy person who wants to be in every of your business. I advice you try a long distance marriage and deal with other issues that may arise such as cheating.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Anon

Hmmm so you really think long distance is best to enjoy sanity compared to others?

Onyii
Onyii
3 months ago

Yh, I watched this movie when it came out and had so many hopes and dreams and even the thorns didn’t seem so sharp/ harsh. But….

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Onyii

The irony though 😒

Naomi
Naomi
3 months ago

One of the things I am scared of is this cheating thing sometimes I don’t even want to get married, but I want to the thought of it all its so heartbreaking I just want an almost perfect marriage life

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Naomi

Lol almost perfect or perfect? Why do people feel utter perfection does not exist though? Also why don’t you wanna get married? Care to share?😇

Naomi
Naomi
3 months ago

Hearing peoples experiences ,I just want to prepare my mind for the worse. Not that I don’t want to get married but I am kinda worried about all that comes with it , the thought of being cheated on , possibility of the love fading away , the possibility of getting hit , its just alot mahn

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Naomi

I fear love fading away the most mehn, I fear it so bad that it might be a reason for me to not get married. Whenever I listen to Lana Del Ray’s “Young and Beautiful”, the lines “will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful”, kills me every time. I hope we find the type of love we desire.

Akudo
Akudo
3 months ago

I fear ‘see finish’ like I fear death!

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Akudo

😂😂😂 why did this sound more hilarious than intense. I feel you mehn😄

Cee
Cee
3 months ago

Well I feel scared too about getting married. I wouldn’t want to Cheat nor be cheated on. To the question if it happens to me well I expect to hear from you about it but also expect my reactions which is normal. I think if you decide to tell your partner about it just be calm and know the best approach. It’s better to tell her knowing that you wouldn’t want to continue seeing the other lady too because it won’t be fair to tell her about it and still have time for the other. Best of luck.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Cee

You’re right, tendering an apology should not be mere saying but must reflect in change of behaviour. I’ll be damned piss as a wife if I forgive and still find traces of cheating😑.

AirStar
AirStar
3 months ago

Hmmmm, first I applaud the sincerity and openness of this writer as this incident isn’t uncommon with so many marriages. Vows and determination are not enough to keep a marriage or make a marriage work. We all need the help of God’s Spirit to help us, plus both partners being ready to make it work. One of my colleague explained how he had to be intentional with his marriage because he never wants to cheat on his wife. He said, he made sure to always tell his wife about any sexual advances he encountered or anyone he seem to have… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  AirStar

😅😅😅 well said Airstar, accountability and communication is key. Speaking to one’s partner about everything and anything makes it worth eternity as it takes away distrust and makes the love stronger.

It either you “Commit or Comot”! if you’re not ready for all marriage comes with then don’t!

Didiong
Didiong
3 months ago

Commit or comot 😁

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Didiong

Abi now… lol😃

Dangem
Dangem
3 months ago

There’s a lot to learn and to keep learning from. Marriage vows are mere words until each word is made to pass through the test of time. I just wish that most parents tell the reality in marriage. No one gives you a handout to what to expect. Also, there is nothing like perfection in marriage. Perfection only comes when both parties can go through with their imperfections and help each other out with it. He is cheating on her with a lady. What if the side chick was a man? (On some cases that I have seen)…it becomes a… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Dangem

Very well said Dangem👌

Hmmm @cheating on her with a man, that will so be so painful. I have the urge to document marriage featuring our parents, but the bone of contention is will they open up? People hide a lot about marriage and it makes me wonder why. Also I often think that I might be that way too, its like married people take a subconscious oat to not spill even when things are rotten.

Shout out to every married folk who lets us in on their challenges without holding back, it’s really not easy to✊

Dangem
Dangem
3 months ago

I think the secrecy part is where the Bible says that “Marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled”…what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. So they (our parents) try to build a facade, giving us the impression that everything is fine. Celebrating 45 yrs in marriage and you’re “wowed”.

I think the whole process is to encourage the institution of marriage because if you hear about the dirty linens, will you be encouraged to get married at all?

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Dangem

Like the long years be making your jaws drop but if they say what really goes down yo, lol. Some have it beautiful though.

Thank you for this insight Dangem❣

Akudo
Akudo
3 months ago

Our parents endured a lot o
Most won’t open up
My mum began to open up recently maybe cause she felt my time is coming…

Where do you think this marriage phobia emanated from?

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Akudo

The phobia majorly stems from the scary stories we hear couples tell. We might as well conclude that opening up is a blessing as well as a curse.

Bubu
Bubu
3 months ago

Most of the decisions we act on has already been breeding in our thoughts for a while even though we pretend not to know. I’m not sure how your wife will react to this heartbreaking news, but one thing is certain, you need to put an end to your current lifestyle even before your wife returns back to you, if you’re truly sincere about finding your way back to your vows. Staying faithful to your partner takes a whole lot, but the major thing is discipline and contentment. A married friend of mine said he found what works for him… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Bubu

Thank you Bubu, you’re right, he should start turning a new leaf before his wife gets back.

Should one throw away an eternity for a minutes pleasure? #FoodForThought👌

Akudo
Akudo
3 months ago

Cheating… Phew!!! I’ve not been cheated on… Never cheated too Dunno how it feels… Will I be broken if I find out? I know I’ll be very angry tho Will I be able to forgive him? I think I will But I know I won’t forget… I am scared of marriage tho I know there are good marriages but that doesn’t reduce the fear Some days I want to get married Some months I don’t And then ‘see finish’… I dread this And it’s a part of marriage Like why…??!! If he cheats… I’d want to know I’d like him… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Akudo

I can’t say if I’ll forgive if I get cheated on. I’ve asked myself the question several times but the only conclusion I came up with is that it all depends on the circumstance surrounding. But whew! That nigga better not cheat.

And I will never forget if he does 😒. Infact, I can’t say how I’ll react, I pray it never happens.

Forget it, see finish comes in various forms, marriage has all of them 😂😂

Tolulope
Tolulope
3 months ago

Wow! This is deep but I kinda understand. This is my advice to the man. Decide what you want to do. Whatever decision you take has it’s consequences. You might decide not to tell her and she might never find out as long as you go back to the right way but know when she finds out, there are consequences. Also you might decide to tell her but also, you need to know that it has consequences too. Your wife might never trust you again, she can decide to leave you. If you tell her, be patient understand that it… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Tolulope

😄😄😄 your last sentence although imperative, sounds more like a comic relief lol.

You’ve spoken well, there are two extreme sides to this actually and you made sure to highlight them vividly. Thank you Tolulope ❣

Ps. I’m hoping a guy will answer your last question lol😄

dosbambi
dosbambi
3 months ago

Hmmmm, this cheating issue in marriage is no longer news, we hear it daily, together with all manners of negative stories about marriage giving the impression that all marriages have issues…that, it is impossible to have a happily ever after marriage. I feel, the writer of this story and his wife brought this upon themselves, and I will be very surprised if his wife gets angry or get shocked when she gets to know…if the marriage is important to him and he truly loves his wife, he must go clean to her and by all means stop the cheating before… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  dosbambi

😂😂😂😂 @ pure nonsense got me. I hate to hear bad stories about marriage too, I console myself by saying it’s not for everyone but deep down its my fears that speak.

Even being apart several cities for a couple can cause harm talk more of being in separate countries. Regardless, couples who dare to be intentional make it work.

Thank you Dosbambi🤗

dosbambi
dosbambi
3 months ago

They make it work, with plenty of things lost. Just like the popular saying goes, the time lost can’t be gotten again. You wonder why, children don’t respect or appreciate their father, you ask why fathers don’t feel attached to their children, well this is it! In the name of making money, and looking for greener pasture, the home and family becomes something else. Children who grew up to like their father than their mothers, are children whose father gave them the time they needed, most of these children hardly have low self esteem, without them been thought directly about… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  dosbambi

👌👌

Complex
Complex
3 months ago

.

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Complex

😂😂😂 what does this even mean? Like “period!” Or you’re “testing one,two,” lol.

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
3 months ago

Marriage gets scarier by the day

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Ezeugo 1

Whew!🙇‍♀️

Eric
Eric
3 months ago

Marriage vows doesn’t stop a cheating spouse to be very honest, cheating doesn’t mean the absence of love…But telling your wife is a very very bad idea
A big mistake, just walk your way back to being a faithful husband without involving her for peace to reign oo 😂😂

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Eric

😄😄😄 I bet you don’t wanna picture her reaction. Who knows she might be understandable 🤷‍♀️

Adebusola
Adebusola
3 months ago

Deep

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Adebusola

❗❗

Tunde
Tunde
3 months ago

Lol, this man just rubbished the entire marriage institution and has basically made it to seen like it’s about sex alone. Feeling pains ’cause you don’t have sex? That’s new and I’ve never heard of it. How was he coping when he was a virgin? Or he didn’t have erections then? As for me, cheating is a deal breaker for me. I don’t think I can ever move past it. Even if i manage to forgive, the memory will still have a way to keep surfacing. If I’m the wife though, I’ll still like to know ’cause not knowing is… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
3 months ago
Reply to  Tunde

Hmmm valid point: Did he not feel pains as a virgin? I wouldn’t know but I would ask a male friend cause I haven’t thought in this direction before🤔.

“Ignorance is not bliss, it’s what we don’t know that usually gets us killed”
I get your point Tunde

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