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Scary Tales About Marriage: Should the Union have an Expiry Date?

Co-writer: Chibuzor Torti
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5 min read

While a good number of people hold dearly the factors that define ‘marriage’, which include commitment, growth and staying faithful to the ‘for better or worse’ oath, there is a rigid percentage who hold that marriage should have an expiry date because of the mystery that accompanies change.

The grouping above was influenced by a now-viral tweet which held that “One day, you’ll meet someone who’s more fascinating than your partner, get ready to fight your own self and be content with what you have.”

marriage
What’s your biggest fear when it comes to marriage?

“Scary stuff. Marriage is supposed to have an expiry date sha. Just because of situations like this. People evolve and so do their alignments. People also outgrow people. What happens when you outgrow your spouse”… Here! a response to the tweet which stood out for me and got me thinking. 

As a single lady, my biggest fear is finding ‘The One’, walking down the aisle and afterwards my marriage metamorphoses into something I cannot recognize. I perfectly understand the angle both tweeps are leveraging on,  and I’ll break it down in the best way I feel and then leave you to state yours. Fine right?

Marriage
When it metamorphoses into something you cannot recognize

When Distraction Threatens ‘I DO’

Distractions don’t always look like distractions until they distract you. It is like someone who’s starting to get addicted to a drug, and when you hint them of their excessive use, they maintain they are in control and before you know it, it becomes too late to get out. 

Asides from the perks that come with marriage, it is a union wherein both parties come to an agreement to stay committed, disciplined, and content come what may. Anyone can easily say that they would stay content and fight the urge to misbehave in their marriage but can they really? 

The 'Distracted Boyfriend' Meme Photographer Explains All | WIRED

She is not in the league of the models in the magazine you’ll normally picture whenever you wank, yet you put a ring on it. He is not as intellectual as the men you met before him who equally had some captivating six-packs, yet you said ‘I do’. The irony of specs. So what happens after you are married and you finally come in contact with the model in the magazine and she’s willing to take you on an adventure? To put an icing on the cake, her show of intelligence gets you, she loves your kind of music and seems to get you without having to explain so much, unlike your wife who’s seemingly ‘nagging’. 

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?

From spending a lot of time with the sexy six-packed gentleman at work, you deviate to having more personal talks like telling him things your husband does that you don’t like. Gradually, you are sinking, from work hours it extends to before bedtime conversations and as mischief loves to play, your husband is caught up in some cosy chats with his fantasy turned reality model.

marriage
As mischief loves to play

At this point, denial sets in.  You know full well what’s happening but you think you can handle it. You see, it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. We are all made of strengths and deficiencies, walking down the aisle does not erase our deficiencies nor does it wield our strength. Be good friends with your spouse. Good friends communicate about everything and anything no matter how silly. If the gentleman keeps calling you after work hours, discuss it! Like the way you tell that fantasy model about different sex styles you relish, let your wife know.

Read The Communication Mistakes Almost Every Couple Makes

Exchanging marital vows is not a repellant to distraction. Distractions are bound to happen, and when it does, two things are involved, it either brings the couple closer, so they can work on the defects in their marriage or it brings an end to the chapter of that marriage.  You will always find someone more fascinating than your spouse, financially, physically or mentally. If you communicate often and truthfully with your spouse, there should be no cause for alarm. 

Marriage
Communication is key. Be willing

An Expiry Date?

Except for contract marriages, I don’t think anyone who is head over heels in love with their partner would go into marriage with the notion that after several years, it should expire. A lot of people say marriage is scary because they fear ‘change’. 

You see, all things are transitory, likewise human beings. Change is good but equally scary especially when it is not in our favour (especially in a case where the other party is taking giant steps and keeping up becomes exhausting). If you woke up one morning to see that your spouse has altered in behaviour, what measures will you take? Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight, change is like an army of ants trying to build an anthill, little by little, the worker ants dig the subterranean tunnels and in no time it materializes. Suddenly you’re wondering how it came to be. Sometimes even the person who is accused of change doesn’t even know they have changed. Now, this is a topic for another day.

Marriage
For better and forever!

Like you are not the same person 10 years ago, your partner is not too; marriage does not stop you from changing. It is very possible for partners to outgrow each other, could be financially, sexually, career-wise, preferences or even spiritually. For instance, If presently, you love to have coffee and bread every morning with your wife, chances are that one party will fall out of love for it faster than the other. This shows that even in the tiniest ways, partners can outgrow each other. 

It is impossible but equally tameable to outgrow one’s partner, it doesn’t mean the marriage should come to an end. If there is active listening, communication and love, then marriage should not have an expiry date. 

marriage
Don’t you admire loving even when you are old and grey?

If after all these you feel marriage should have an expiry date then the ball is in your court. But I hope it’s not for the sake of starting all over with someone new, that will be some ugly big joke on you because change will always play its role. Here’s what my friend Toyosi said, “irrespective of the fact that some of us had a very strict upbringing and stern parents, we still haven’t tossed them away, rather every year we celebrate them and sing their praises on different social media platforms, we should apply the same to our partners.”

Single or dating? Married or divorced? Let’s talk. How do you handle a distraction? As for marriages having expiry dates, would you say I trashed the topic? 

 

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solchibuzor
solchibuzor
2 months ago

Beautifully written! Marriage is a decision, it is not a gamble. It works because you decide that against all odds, it will. Against all advises and all side attractions, it will work. Let me put it this way.. Imagine you just started a federal job, with all the benefits that is accrued to it. And somehow along the way, your wonderful boss is changed for a mean boss. So inconsiderate that he makes the thought of going to work feel like torture for you. Will you quit or will you look at the big picture? Truth is people quit things… Read more »

Chituru Omunakwe Onunwor
Chituru Omunakwe Onunwor
2 months ago

The truth remains that marriage is scary but the best thing I think can happen is when you marry your friend or you becoming friends with your spouse. Not just sex and ideas, when you people can talk about random things that seems irrelevant. Good friends don’t outgrow each other no matter how high the other grows. The thing is be intentional about being friends with your spouse.
Nice write up.

St3phanie
St3phanie
2 months ago

Alot of times i dono who’s diction it’s in, because its “Marriage” couples forget that they should first be friends and connected to talk about everything even “the latest sex styles”… I mean single people talk nasty to opp sex talkmore of married couples, sometimes you see a man doesn’t want or feel comfortable talking sex with his wife but is comfortable when it’s coming from a “side chic” as it’s called…. I look forward to actually staying committed to one man cos it’s living each day with a memory behind that’s important

Gideon
Gideon
2 months ago

A superbly thought provoking piece!! Reading through like “ohh.. yeahh!… hmmm”lol. I think fear of commitment is an issue everyone (that has it) denies with the use of “palatable” excuses. Truth is there’d always be an individual better than your spouse by a million miles, always. But there’d also always, in the same vein, be another person better than who you thought was the best. Insatiable desire!! For these set of people, it is best they take an inward look first before deciding to blame their spouse for not “doing enough”. Take responsibility of your emotions and don’t ever let… Read more »

Onyii
Onyii
2 months ago

MARRIAGE IS SCARY AND SWEET especially when you’ve got good intentions. It’s easy to sit, read and write decisions or what you think or feel marriage is. No matter what you read or hear about other people’s marriage experiences, its NEVER ENOUGH to prepare you for your own experience. One big mistake I think is COMPARISON/using your parent’s or movies or others as a YARDSTICK to measure how an ideal marriage should be or try to be. Anyways marriage shouldn’t have an expiry date, making it a lifetime thingy should be intention. But then, wait till you get in, it’s… Read more »

Delight
Delight
2 months ago

This is a sensitive topic, and the writer really nailed it! Here’s the thing, to me, marriage is a lifetime involvement so there shouldn’t be an expiry date attached to it, because before you go into a marriage you must have taken your time to pick your spec/spouse. In some cases, some marriages today are based on conditions, such as the girl coming from a poor background and the only the choice she had was getting married to a multi-billionaire for her family not to be tagged poor anymore or maybe a girl got pregnant and had no other choice… Read more »

Father of Many Nations
Father of Many Nations
2 months ago

Interesting read👏🏿👏🏿. Marriage is a bittersweet experience and like my babe’s aunt told me the first day I met her – “be contented with her no matter the situation. You are both two imperfect people trying to build a perfect relationship”. Marriages should never have an expiry date and that’s why it’s best to marry your friend. Fall in love with his/her personality before anything else and at the end, you will not only turn out as soul mates but best friends. Although I know it is not easy, but with adequate communication, love, attention, patience and understanding, temptations from… Read more »

Mirian_Chinazor
Mirian_Chinazor
2 months ago

Have been waiting for this read 😁😁and I can say it is a beautiful read . Having gone through the comment section, I am of the opinion that marriage should have an expiry date, like why in the world would I want to be stuck with one person in the name of spending forever with my best friend 😏😏when there are other best friends out there to explore life with 😏😏. Quick question , is the best friend you had while growing up still your best friend today??? A lot of people say marriage is all about being committed and… Read more »

Onyii
Onyii
2 months ago

Eh hen, for better or worse…who gave that rule?
Is violence still under WORSE or it’s gone beyond that?

Cupid
Cupid
2 months ago

Marriage should not and does not have an expiry date. My mentor will always say “marry your friend” because one day you will no longer feel those sparks you used to feel when you were dating.
Even the Bible says “there is a friend that stays closer than a brother”, which means the bond of friendship is greater than any other bond. Friendship with your spouse will make you make music from his loud snoring, his inadequacies will not matter and before you know it you have grown old together.

Beautifully written, Torti 😉😉

Vandy Seyi
Vandy Seyi
2 months ago

Wonderful writeup👏👏

Nenye
Nenye
2 months ago

If you are not friends enough to leave your phone containing all your social media accounts open for each other, just forget it. The urge for privacy leads to destruction of marriages. If for any reason you stop me from touching your phone I will assume you are cheating on me and believe me I will give the next person a chance. We don’t have 200yrs on earth.

Emejoe
Emejoe
2 months ago

Wao! An interesting piece ,so much to learn .Kudos

Obama
Obama
2 months ago

That’s why marriage is not for children. It’s not for people who have come of age, or who have made enough money to pay for a wedding party or buy diapers and baby food. It’s for those who are ready to stay committed , who are willing to to stick to their principles and make life better for their partners. How can you be willing to do your paid employment or business well, by going through and adhering to your job description or aims and objectives respectively but cannot do the same to your marriage? You cannot have one best… Read more »

Onyii
Onyii
2 months ago
Reply to  Obama

Finally!!!

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
2 months ago

Intentional commitment and hard work makes a better marriage. If youre being distracted by a model like woman or a guy with the six packs why don’t you guys head to the gym. Buy good classy clothes for your spouse. Talk about the most silly and trivial things as you would do with a friend. The truth is that something attracted your spouse to you at first, try to continue in that thing till the end.

King
King
2 months ago

I am privilege to find out that marriage is more than fantasy and love. They both die with time.

Marriage is a commitment to purpose.

When the fantasy is gone and love grow cold …the purpose that most not die gives it life. Then, the purpose brings about new phase of fantasy and love that will last probably forever.

However, if the purpose is dead or neglected … fantasy and love will one day fly out through the windows.

Then, the marriage get expired!

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