My first sex experience wasn’t the cliche ‘love struck’ thing neither was it passionate or sweet. It was a ‘red’ episode.
I lost my virginity at the age of seventeen to a guy way older than me. Truth be told, I actually did like him because he was nice or maybe it was all pretence. One afternoon after summer lesson I paid him a visit (a harmless visit, I thought), fast forward past the jokes and laughter, the mood became intense and the young man began to cajole me for “just the tip”. Young and naive or should I say a part of me was curious so I gave in.
Without full penetration, my hymen broke. The blood flow coupled with severe pains made me scream so much like a woman in labour. “Don’t worry, it’s better I did it at least it won’t be hard when you get to the university”, he said. No empathy whatsoever, he felt he was doing me a favour and my timid self couldn’t react.
Why did I visit? I messed up. In this part of the world where mental health is given no importance, it affected me mentally but I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. I became uncomfortable with sex talks, scared of the thought of penetration and cringed whenever I heard words like penis, dick or prick. Yuck!
My fears followed me to university, I hated guys to some extent, I could only cope in a relationship so long as sex wasn’t involved. I had sweet relationships but I usually would jump, scream, and sometimes cry whenever they asked for sex. This was how I scaled through several relationships in university.
Fast forward to life after university, waiting to serve ‘mama Nigeria’, I liked someone, he was crazier about me than I was though. He is smart, a spender(he had good money), liked to show his woman off, a good adviser, and a deep talker. No lies, I was blown away, which girl on earth wouldn’t want that kind of man? Definitely not me. Even though at that time I was all about myself, career and tried not to make love a priority, I really liked him and he was serious about a relationship and settling down with me.
He said I was different, I made sure he knew my stance on how painful and uninteresting I saw sex and so all attempt to make love was a ‘No No’ until one fateful night after our ‘romantic beach trip’. After having so much fun, we got to the estate only to realize the entrance gate was locked so we lodged in a hotel.
An unforgettable experience but he was a sweet gentleman. I knew I wasn’t ready but it just happened. I had to binge drink some alcohol to make me numb to the pains and his sweet words made me more comfortable too. “It won’t hurt, not everyone bleeds the first time”, he assured me. The loud-soft scream I let out with my eyes shut ended the night. This was a few days after my 21st birthday.
Sex felt overrated, I was indifferent and wondered if everything people said was true or possibly I had it with the wrong person. No, I didn’t look forward to another sexcapade but I was in a relationship so it happened over and over. I was legit trying to at least enjoy it and have the experience people talked about.
Here’s something I figured, one could actually care and love you without sex involved, also, not every relationship should be all about sex. Although we broke up, we still keep in touch cause beyond the sex, we are both intellectuals and still discuss business and life. My childhood experience did have a grave effect on me but overcoming it is what matters. Glad I was able to meet someone who made sex worth trying again. When people ask me what age I lost my virginity, I usually say 21, because I have chosen to let that bad memory go away and stick with this beautiful one.
Sex is sacred for me. If you don’t love them, don’t sex them, especially if it’s your first time to avoid bad memories lurking. Even though I looked forward to candle lights, sweet savouring smell, roses littered in a jacuzzi for the first time, I believe it played this way for a reason. And hey, to virgins out there wondering if to try or not, make sure it’s not because of peer pressure or empty talks.