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I am Muttering

Our Names and the Nickname Disease

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8 min read

After one of the members on Naked Minds called my attention for using real-names instead of nicknames of fellow subscribers in reposting responses to stories, I made up my mind that I was going to apologize properly by letting you all in on my many nicknames; some of which are lost in space, I hope never to find the need of them again😐.

Nicknames are cool, at least for me. Lowkey, I suffer from a fevered admiration for people who get called by their nicknames so often that even their close friends forget what their real names sound like. Do you have people like this around you? Well, I got one, his nikky is ‘Effect’…my nigga’s so hardworking his peers and superiors felt an uncommon urge to christen him again😄. His real name and his abilities are like oil and water, gargle at your own risk, they both won’t gel. Wondering what it is? Well, I don’t know either🙈…met him as Effect, and Effect he shall continue to be…what I don’t know can’t hurt me🤡.

nickname

IF YOU LAUGH…I SHOOT!

Well, getting a unique and popular nickname was a goal for me in secondary school. It felt tech to own one, I wanted to belong by all means. And even if I said no to the mantle, these slum/parting books staged themselves at playful corners waiting to embarrass me🤕. How do I tell the owner of a Slum book that I got no nickname to fill? and even if I left it vacant without her knowledge, eventually, in the long future when she revisits it, she’s hit suddenly by the trauma of how weird I was in high school. Not me! I didn’t want anyone to have such memories about me😂😂.

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So I ferried on a nickname quest🚣‍♀️. I began asking friends what they felt will soothe me for a nickname, specifically one they can call me any time even in public. I remember brainstorming with Ayomide, my bunkmate, and some others. As expected, they coined appellations from my English name ‘Doris’. Sure you can already predict the kind of nicknames they came up with. ‘Dodo’, ‘Dori Baby’, even the spelling backward jinx ‘Sirod’. Yuck! 🤮

nickname

I wasn’t having it. They all felt cliche. “Common now, I’m bigger than all this jargon🙄”, I often said this within me anytime they suggested some dementia allusive nikky. Do you ever know what you want sometimes but then shy to say it, instead you look for someone to help push you to your death so that at the end of the day, you can have a name to blame when things fall apart?😹 This was the game I was playing but how disappointing, no one thought in my direction😫. 

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“How about something sexy and mischievous?”, I suggested in a low tone. Trust the girls on this one 🤣🤣🤣, names started flying up and down. Guess the name I settled for 😭😭…‘SEXY BREEZE’ !!! oh, my days!!! Looking back now, I feel so embarrassed. Were my bunch of friends so stupid or I was the stupid one for agreeing to be coined a nickname for a tomfool?🤒 I definitely was so stupid! You need to see the way I blushed whenever someone called me ‘Sexy Breeze’. It felt so dope mehn😂😂!. But unfortunately, the name didn’t bring as much popularity as expected so I ferried on another quest🚣‍♀️.

nickname

Thanks to my very stupid friends again, I was caught between choosing  ‘MYSTIQUE’ or ‘SEDUCTIVE MYSTIQUE’. Being an Oliver twist, I decided to do both. Depends on what mood I was in whenever someone handed me their slum book to fill. If I felt like a ‘Mystique’, then Mystique it is; if I felt spicy at the time, then ‘Seductive’ came before the ‘M’😹. 

I still didn’t make the hall of fame with any of them. The only person who made me feel really welcomed with the name was one of my friends Tope, who had her  feet swept off in admiration that she had to nikky herself  ‘SEDUCTIVE SEDUCTRESS’ How insane?!😂😂 I remember hailing her to her face and screaming “bloody copy cat” in my mind😫. Asides from my unreserved hate for copycats, I deserved to be the only ‘seduction’ in school dammit! 😐

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Reflecting on how stupid the nicknames were, I should have left her to bear all of them. To date, Ayomide still taunts me with these nicknames. So if I become president tomorrow, this is how she’ll reveal one of my many foolish decisions in life right😫! Wicked girl!🤕 Not like hers was any better, who the f*** bears ‘Ayomzy Delight’?  Only hoodlums😂😂

names nickname
Source Cliparts

STILL FOOLISH?

Joining Facebook after secondary school and seeing the way people spelled their usernames started to tickle my fancy. For example, someone who bears ‘Ayomide’ refines the spelling to ‘Haryohmide’. Mehn that shit looked so dope to me and if I don’t belong, who will🙈? But it was so heartbreaking, all my many remixes didn’t sound nice and I wasn’t with my foolish friends anymore to help me figure it out. Looking back now, I bless God o, otherwise they would have given me a remix best for simpletons😂😂. However, I got one, all thanks to my ex.

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 What I was searching for was right beside me but I couldn’t see it… One day I decided to check my baby boy’s phone to see what he used in saving my number and boom! I saw ‘DHAUREYZ’… this was his remix for ‘DORIS’. It felt so cool, I adopted it without blinking, and to date, I use it for virtually everything; pseudonyms, emails, social media, etc. I know you are trying so hard to pronounce it 🤣🤣🤣… take it easy on yourself, a lot have bitten their tongues on that quest.

names nickname

DREAMS ACTUALLY DO COME THROUGH…

And the last one…. Hopefully not the least🎯…My long lost dream of having a nickname that replaces my own name finally came to pass in the university. Hurrayyyyy!!!💃💃 Blow the trumpets!!!🥳🥳  Oh, my days! Even though I blacklisted the hostel because of my experience with infection, I must admit my time spent there was exhilarating.  

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I like to believe I was a hot cake, I mean hot inside the brain o and maybe a portion of hot outside🤡. Then I used to be more involved in poetry, brewing, and writing everywhere in the school (for those who cared to read anyway😁). And then I got big news that I was nominated for the Nigerian Writers Award, for Poetry Writer of the year category. I was more shocked than excited when I saw the news online (this is a story for another Naked Minds gist😆). That type of shock where you recheck for the umpteenth time to see if it’s really your name and if it is, you’re still in shock because you think the news is for someone else who bears your exact names. That’s how I felt.

names nickname
Source- ArtStation

I broke the news to one of my close friends Victoria and before I knew it, she started hailing and shouting ‘UJU MALOO’… what is ‘MALOO’??? I had no idea but it sounded cool, although with a blend of ‘razness’, I loved it. That was how the name flew🚀. I stayed in the hostel for two years and throughout the time, I was either called ‘Maloo’ or ‘Uju Maloo’. Maloo is a Yoruba word and depending on the caller’s tone, it could mean ‘Go’ or ‘Come’. But to Victoria, she meant ‘Go’, more like “keep on moving and winning Uju”. 

Read: You Can Never Be Yourself!

To cut the story short, ‘Maloo’ faded as soon as I left the hostel😓. But of course, I still saw some of the hostel mates who would always shout it out whenever they saw me on the walkway or somewhere in the school😄. It always felt like home. Even now, whenever I hear someone speaking Yoruba and says ‘Maloo’, it has a way of putting a genuine smile on my face😁.

names nickname
Source- Deviant Art

THE ESSENCE

Although added a little spice to this article on publishing here, it’s actually a Naked Minds exclusive. You better join cause I won’t be betraying my coven anytime soon again😫. 

Asides that this is an intended fun post to get us to unwind and sign out gradually from this puzzle-twisting year, I wanted to poke the essence of names🌚. Names are either  powerful or impotent. Some are sweet, some are salty to the ears. Some sound so sweet yet  a profitless meaning💩…some are an ear sore, but got beautiful meaning. You hear some names and you’re like “Huh? You mean your parents actually gave you this name😳”…that embarrassing! I wouldn’t want to mention names lol.

name nickname
Source- Medium

Most part of me wanting a nickname by force was because I didn’t see my two names as good enough and soothing for my personality. Have you ever pondered on your name(s) and asked yourself “why me”? Why did my parents choose to call me this? Well, I did for ‘Doris’, still stuck on trying to love the name🙁. I couldn’t fall in love with it because of the many unappealing tones people prefer to pronounce it😤. I wish I could insert an audio sample🤧. But I’ve always loved Obianuju (since I got mature though), and even invested more love for it after my parents told me I was named ‘Obianuju’ because shortly after my birth they both bagged a huge salary increase at work. Obianuju means ‘Born into wealth’ …but the meaning of Doris always fluctuates between the ‘bad and good’ whenever I look it up😏. There’s never been a unified meaning, I think whoever invented the name was six feet buried in confusion at the time😬.

Read: Parents Are The Best Pretenders

Have you ever reflected on your names before?🤔 Heard some of you got like seven and counting🤠, unlike me, I wasn’t fortunate enough to be named by all the prominent members of my extended family🤣🤣. I’ll love to know your names and what you feel about them. Would you say they resonate with your personality or your parents deserve 600 years for such cruelty? 😂😂

Nickname name
Source- The New Yoker

Hmmmmm about my many nicknames 🤐… what’s yours and how did you come by it? I like to believe the way some of these nikky’s sound is the reason we choose them, not necessarily what they mean🤭. Did you at some point want a nickname so bad like I did? Do you have a past regrettable nickname🤣🤣? And you see that name, yes! That very one you use on IG and Twitter… How did you arrive there?  ‘Sexy posh’, ‘Dragon’, ‘Barbie doll’, ‘Cupcake’, “Renegade’ …Is that you? 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

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Warning!!! Do not try to taunt me with my first three nicknames, otherwise I go comot ya teeth just now😂😂. I’m curious to hear yours, I will try not to laugh. Common… Let me in😌, leave me a comment 😂😂👇👇

P.s. I want to propose that parents should leave about one or two name slots open until a child is grown so we can name ourselves according to our personalities. Dear future kids, I got you😆!

 

 

Do not forget to like, rate, and share this article!😁

 

 

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Idawor Ruth
Idawor Ruth
2 months ago

Those nicknames are hilarious😂😂😂 except for the Dhaureyz though. And to think our Sunday topic was “Naming”😂😂😂…if there is one thing I know Name forms and bears a very big role in our lives. That’s is why as sweet as a name may sound the meaning is very important. I’m in love with my names, although my traditional name sounds weird😅😅its meaning says a lot about me🙈🙈. Well As for nicknames, Back then in Secondary school, I was Mostly addressed by my surname even down to the University. Although I have never really fancied getting one for myself, I recently started… Read more »

Idawor Ruth
Idawor Ruth
2 months ago

Noooooo!!!!
If I disclose it you will just spoil the name for me😂😂…Those who knows my traditional name tease me with it…infact they tease me with both my names😂😂😂so just Take my surname in place of it😅😅

Bosco
Bosco
2 months ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 WTF is Sexy Breeze? Even if you were stupid. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Permit my laughter ples. I earned it😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Rick
Rick
1 month ago

😂😂 johnbosco my son I sent you to school blah blah 😂

MonsterDeeque
MonsterDeeque
2 months ago

Asking us not to taunt u with ur past nicknames actually made me want to .😂 what in d world is sexybreeze? 😂😂😂🤣🤣 Seductive Mystique rings a bell that tickles my fancy. 😁 I can’t unlove it 😂. Had a weird one In high school. I remember being called “Gboko”. Can’t vividly remember how the name came to be 🤣. Leaving one or two name slots for a child is a brilliant idea that should be made a norm. It was a battle between I and myself to develop likeness for my names. This battle would’ve been averted if my… Read more »

Pretty Anon
Pretty Anon
2 months ago

Seductive mystique😂😂😂 I still can’t wrap my head around it. Sexy breeze kor. What was your inspiration abeg, all these cheap stainless container perfumes abi😂😂😂😂 There’s one grey one, I think it’s sexy freeze and it smells awful😂😂😂😂😂😂 Your choices of nicknames are just wierd. I’ve always wanted nicknames too and I’m too embarrassed to mention some of the stupid ones I had in secondary school. They were worse than yours😂😂 don’t even start to imagine. I’ve grown to love my name now, I wouldn’t want a nickname or another name now. I might just change your name on my… Read more »

PAIN
PAIN
2 months ago

Okay, I’ve got to say it, those nicknames are hilarious, except for “dhaureys”. I have never been one for nicknames, except for those names you get doing something funny, weird or hilarious and people tease you with it for a day or two, but it later fizzles out of mind and they forget. My bestfriend however got the nickname “Santi”, short for “Santiago” those times while we were still seeking admission and untill today, the name stucked, even more than his own name. Uptil now, people literally thought Santi was his real name. Infact, his girlfriend thought his real name… Read more »

PAIN
PAIN
2 months ago

If my parents were ever name me all those conc, old testament names, I’d literally never talk to them again. Those names come across as names hardcore, fanatical Christians would give their children. I have seen weird names though, once saw someone’s ID with the name “Bakare Holyghostfire”, another South African with the name “uhkleme Condom” I have also seen someone bear the name “God’sbattleaxe”. like WTF. I remember I went to school with people named “courage” and” forgiveness” Thinking about it now, I guess I should really be grateful to my parents. They could have named me “Thankgod” or… Read more »

Last edited 2 months ago by PAIN
Onyii
Onyii
2 months ago

Na wa o…Sexy Breeze, how? From where? Sexy Breeze, how do I laugh please 🙊. I have just one name, Onyinyechi (God’s Gift) and I so much love it, although the Yorubas made it sound so local, I usually end up with Onyinye. I had no English name and I felt I needed one so unique for my art. My uncle named me Perpetual, it felt cute till people started calling me PEPEYE 😑 coupled with the fact that I was skinny n small. Instead a coined a name out of it PEPET 🙂 aka Pwetty Petite Pepet 😉 I… Read more »

Ines
Ines
2 months ago

Dodo, I am just going to be here lmfao again with my cold glass of jwice🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

Wish I could leave a Voice note on the comment section but then, Doris imagine you as an OAP and saying “Signing out, it’s Sexy Breeze”. Cool yeah?🤣🤣🤣

Ines
Ines
2 months ago

Don’t even dare!🤣🤣🤣

My Nikkies are cool you know 😉

Nkechi
Nkechi
2 months ago

Looool compared to mine you’re a nick name legend oh.
Had two back in school then LIL-N- SWAG loool dear Lord and the other one was NKAYRAZ, I wanted to be so cooool so badly and wanted to be different too after years of much nonsense I’ve settled for just Nk or Nkay, turns out simplicity can sometimes be your friend

Nkechi
Nkechi
2 months ago

At all o I wasn’t just thought being raz was the new cool so I thought to start with a nickname suggesting my razness

Ines
Ines
2 months ago
Reply to  Nkechi

It’s the lil-n-swag for me😅😅

bubu
bubu
2 months ago

I’m here for those who keep skipping the “Donate for Muttering Minds” Button.
Muttering minds has frequently put smiles on our faces and given us a platform to pour our hearts out, Please let’s support their ministry and donate…. nothing is too small. Thank you!!

Akudo
Akudo
2 months ago

‘its Sexy Breeze aka Maloo aka Dhaureyz in da house!!!’ I just say make I hail you small 😄😄😄 The thinking hat you and your friends were wearing while thinking of these names tho… Don’t wear it again Nicknames… I’ve never been bothered about them But my friends gave me one that has stuck for them tho ‘sucido’ Don’t ask how it came about… It just did My name is lovely It felt and still feels unique to me Despite the fact that my grandmums and older people mispronounced it back then I wanted to cry I had this uncle… Read more »

Tosn
Tosn
2 months ago

Alan Shearer 😀

Nado
Nado
2 months ago

I’ll try not to laugh at sexy breeze because i have seen worse. Giving yourself a nickname is some how better at least you have it under control. What of the ones that people give you behind your back😂😂🙈. I cried my eyes out the day i went to visit some friends in their own hostel room in secondary schol and i eavesdropped on them calling me “that ant head girl” Jeezzz me, a whole me, it was not fair. I had a nickname they whole school or clique knew about but me. I used to be very slim with… Read more »

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
2 months ago

what’s even sexy about a breeze?
Mine was shandyraw (God how foolish I was) I had to terminate it after ss3. Now I go by a name my grandma gave me. Ezeugo….. Because the name isn’t common I had to add 1 behind making it “Ezeugo1” one of its kind 😁

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
2 months ago

Whatever you’re thinking is what it is😂. That was my 2go name😞 and to think that I was so proud and fulfilled whenever they call me that name.

Socket
Socket
2 months ago

Seductive mystique 😏😏. Your nickname history is quite interesting. My first came from a title ‘Junior’ 😂😂 as I had the same name with my dad, so my family calls me Jay boy, some botty because I was acting like one, some ojugo because I wear glasses. But ehn, the one wey shock me pass na ‘socket’. So I changed school in senior secondary and when asked to introduce my self someone didn’t hear me well and said Akingbesocket? instead of Akingbesote which is my last name. So everyone started calling me socket, I doubt if a lot of them… Read more »

Nuella
Nuella
2 months ago

This is hilarious! I laughed almost all through. I used to have a nick back in sec school, and it was boldly imprinted at the back of my inter house sport wear (lol).. I gladly wore that and felt proud each time someone calls me that.. Well, it’s not a common nick neither was it any of those dumbly coiled names😂😂, this was posh and sounded more like a real name. But i ‘ve outgrown that nick ever since graduation… For uni, the thought of giving myself a nick never crossed the pedestrian bridge of my mind.. But somehow I… Read more »

Queenie
Queenie
1 month ago

‘Sexy breeze’ I can’t stop laughing 😂😂🤣🤣🤣. Some nicknames can be funny though especially when you remember how you got them. I remember i had just gotten into a new school in SS1. The biology teacher who was a corper asked us to introduce ourselves. I told him my name was Queen but he said he prefers calling me Queenito. As expected the whole class adopted the name. It didn’t end there, our government teacher was teaching about Benito Mussolini one day, after the class my friends decided that I had to add Benito to the Queenito😁😄..Since I was feeling… Read more »

Last edited 1 month ago by Queenie
Rick
Rick
1 month ago

Tbh you should have tried “Dori baby” 😂
But then back in high school, I was a popular figure but then never got a nickname cause I kinda think it was childish and all…was popular cause of my height and stature and I was the only guy With the name Eric, but fast forward to my last in high school my close friends rebranded my name to “Rick” and “Ricky”
Kinda loved it though 😂😂

pecan H
pecan H
1 month ago

Sexy breeze WTF shoot me please🤣🤣🤣. I thought I had the worse nikky in secondary school till I read this.. for the name and it meanings mines cool and it suites me perfectly

KULKAT
KULKAT
1 month ago

My two kobo on this is that, my nickname is closely related to my native name which is EJE means Lion so I call myself the Kulkat and that has been what some of my friends and family call me since 2015. I love nickname but it shouldn’t overshadow your real name just like the mistake some persons make on facebook.

Onyejekwe Doris
Onyejekwe Doris
1 month ago

I bear Doris too and it’s been difficult getting nicknames. I’ve decided to stick with pseudonyms and my surname in short. Carly shay😂😂( icarly) for the longest time and jekwe from my surname. I don’t think there are any cool derivatives from Doris. So, sometimes I stick to just ‘D’.

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