Ad
38 Results

other friends yet

Search
7 min read

Maybe I missed a step at becoming a lesbian…just maybe.  Attending an all-girls school was fun but looking back now, it could have turned out to be what I love to call ‘A temporary situation deciding the fate of one’s entire existence’.

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

We were only girls, girls who apart from learning together carved our social and emotional sphere around each other. What do you think happens to a child who to some extent is exposed to some romantics on TV and doesn’t find themselves around the opposite sex to at least look piercingly into their eyes? Social and emotional unjust!

lesbian
We were only girls, girls who apart from… (source YouTube)

No! I didn’t kiss or shift a girl’s panties but like I said I missed a step. Living without boys but knowing they existed was social torture which was why some of us were curiously impatient to wait until we were out of the ‘elementary prison’ (boarding house). Some were bold enough to try it out with the same sex, some like me underwent a recurrent emotional torment in the heat of some occurrences.

Read: Sexuality Conflict; “I am a 25-year-old guy and I Love Boys but”…

On some occasions, the vile demon living in my mind calls my bluff with an inciting tone saying “Kiss her! Kiss her! I know you want it. I see the way you feel for her, she feels the same too. Give it a shot.” and then the other, the benevolent angel breathing in my mind debates the offer by berating me… “You know what happens to lesbians here… INDEFINITE SUSPENSION! And the stigma, you better not try it”. Despite that the blood running through my veins dashed their feet sometimes on a bump, yet my angel always preserved the better part of me; ensuring I was well behaved throughout the time.

lesbian LGBTQ
I was well behaved throughout the time. (Source-Medical News Today)

 We improvised the absence of boys in many ways but acted like we didn’t know it was what we were doing (maybe we didn’t). Every girl was protective of their own best friend like it was some sort of a severe boy-girl relationship. If any girl as much as sniffed an inch closer to another girl’s close friend, the whole school gave her the bad title, ‘snatcher’. Some had dirty dealings under the duvets but weren’t caught though (not me🙃), unfortunately, smartness is not a parcel given to every man, there was ‘a caught’ for some who were immediately spooned out of school with an indefinite suspension.

Read: My First Sex Experience; Take Back Home

We had ‘fixes’, a concept of match-making. A senior girl student is fixed with a doppelganger junior girl student, usually, a class below to become friends and care for each other like sisters. It was a thing. If no one looked like you then sorry! you won’t be merged. I had my fair share of the cut but she was meek and very uninteresting sadly, so it felt like butterflies had no business in my corner. But some others enjoyed the fun and yeah a special kind of affection brewed.

black lesbian women
Source- Tumblr

Lest I forget, the pen pals. A middle man (student) links you up with someone else and you both exchange notes of love and care and after a solid relationship is formed, you decide to finally meet each other and continue being friends. More like a blind date but pens replaced phones.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Caught in all these, I felt something for every one of these girls who at some point crossed my routine. There was more to the platonic appeal than meets the eyes.  There were times where I felt tempted to want to touch them in severe ways or maybe steal a kiss. I was so sure they wouldn’t resist, especially my pen pal, who drove my urges more than the rest of the girls. Most nights we will lie together on the mini foam facing eye to eye, inhaling each other’s carbon dioxide while having a conversation. To me it wasn’t just a mere conversation, I felt something different but like a dog on a leash, I could only charge beyond its leash length (the fear of suspension kept me in check🥶). I bet she felt the same way too and like me, she was not bold enough to take the risk, and even if we were on the same wavelength, what if we get caught?

lesbians
I bet she felt the same way too and like me, she was not bold enough to take the risk…(source-LiveAbout)

 Other provoking urges showed itself from time to time. In the holding of hands and walking together from prep, in the reconciliation with a fellow girl who we stopped speaking to for months…the comebacks always felt like it needed makeup sex to solidify it.  I always found myself so clingy and so glad that we are back. 

Read: Why I Hate Mutual Friends (Connections)

I still have a vivid memory of bathing together with a friend in the bathroom in Jss1 and we had a funny play of sizing our little breasts with our hands. We wanted to know who got it bigger so we did a subtle squeeze on each other’s boobs and laughed while at it. We acted ignorant like it meant nothing but deep down I felt something sensual, sure she felt it too judging from the look in her eyes. We never spoke of it afterward though🥴.

lesbianism
Source- The Guardian

 What were we to do anyway? We knew what urges were but there were no boys to experiment with, we had only us. I remember reading one of the comments on an old post here, “Homosexuality Is Not a Crime”, where the commenter opined that homosexual behavior asides from genetics being a leading cause is also caused by random environmental factors. I agree totally, our environment plays a huge role in deciding our sexuality. My college experience formed a bedrock for lesbianism, I could have fallen. Some girls fell prey to their urges and to date have remained lesbians (maybe bisexuals). It was all they could make from the environment. What if it was legal and there was nothing at stake like indefinite suspension or stigma from peers? Maybe I would have fallen too.

Click Here To Follow Us On Twitter

 No disrespect to the LGBTQ community but I’m glad I didn’t succumb to my urges. I love the way I feel around men especially that special someone even though sometimes he freaks out and screams at my face “YOU MOTHERFUCKING LESBIAN!!”  And what did I do to warrant that? I only squeezed his butt and sometimes tapped his ass while we were making out. He hates it, but I keep doing it lol. Why do men freak out when you touch their butt though😝?

LGBTQ lesbian
No disrespect to the LGBTQ community (source-The Conversation)

 Did I like my boarding school experience? YES! Asides from the urges. Will my kids attend a boarding school? NO! WHETHER MIXED OR SINGLE! This is because I do not want to be a contributing party to something or a situation that has the tendency to alter their lives in a way that could be bad or good. You can never know what the outcome will be so it is best to avoid gambling. I NEED MY KIDS CLOSE.

This Story Was Originally Posted on Naked Minds, Click here to Join

Don’t get me wrong, boarding schools are great but I think a lot of parents undermine its purpose. The majority of parents send their children to boarding schools to redeem them of their moral loss or to help manage time. If you are bad at parenting, fix it within your home, do not burden a boarding school with your primary responsibilities.

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

Only parents who are sure of their kids and have achieved a decent level of training and communication should send their kids to boarding school (even if I am, I still won’t lol😊). Otherwise, you might end up crying over spilled milk.

sexuality confusion

Donate For Muttering Minds

Were you ever at crossroads in deciding your sexuality? Has your sexuality been tested before? Maybe in a similar or entirely different situation from mine? Also, what are your views about boarding schools? Let’s talk! This should be enlightening, Kindly leave your comments below.😃👇👇

 

 

P.s. My comment plugin has developed a fault that is currently being worked on. The implication is that the only notification you will get in your mail is an approval note of your comments unlike the usual where you get a notification for my responses to your comment also. Regardless once you receive an approval email, be rest assured I have equally replied to your comment. So you can get back here to keep the conversation flow. Thank you

 

9 min read

Today clocks one year of paranoia, seasonal depression, and frustration, cooperate and aggressive begging, low figure phobia, eluding story thirst, maintaining genuine and sour friendships (dependency syndrome), JOY and THANKS; all caught up in the birthing of the exceptional and interesting contents that make up this community; Muttering Minds🤗.

Hurrayyyyy!!!! 💃💃💃join me in cracking a smile at this point😅, Muttering Minds is a year today, and never have I been more drawn to a date like today. I am not big on birthdays but I feel strongly to eulogize this one because the process has touched (still does) so many facets of my life and invoked characters I never knew I was capable of hosting🤭. Kindly grab your popcorn as I’ll be entertaining you with the many highs and lows I’ve encountered for the past one year running Muttering Minds😃. Well, let’s pretend we got popcorn lol😜.Muttering Minds is ONE

THE BIRTHING🧘‍♀️

I am a free thinker and an imaginary traveler who is less concerned about what you ate last night or what news is getting the media berserk (except its mysterious🧟‍♀️) but instead, I am seduced by the things we are taught not to question especially spiritually👣. I love to know the unsaid stuff in people’s mind; I love to know what they do when no eye is preying, why they behave in a certain way, how they are feeling no matter how gory. And for every day that I’ve lived on this earth, my curiosity rather than killing my inner cat gives it more lives than nine. I knew I wasn’t the only one who thought in my direction, so one day I said to myself, “Why not create a channel of like minds”… and ding! ding! Muttering Minds was created; not out of dust, but from my uncanny psyche and desire💨.

Muttering Minds is One
Muttering Minds Official Logo

COOPERATE AND AGGRESSIVE BEGGING😒👺

How do you channel a good idea successfully to people who are unsure about their interest yet their collective efforts can go a long way in hitting the bullseye for you😖?  I had to master the fine art of ‘begging’, be it cooperate or aggressive; depending on whose mercy I’m at😰🥵.

Donate For Muttering Minds

There’s a thin line between blogging and begging. While it’s excusable for beggars not to know how to blog, it’s an eyesore for bloggers not to be equipped with begging skills (take this seriously even though you are not a blogger😊). I am a proud individual…oops sorry, I take that back🤐. I used to be too proud until Muttering Minds came. The truth is, people will act like they are not seeing you until you come to them directly. “Oooh please😟😟 go and read my story nowwww🤯”…” ah have you read my story today🥶?”…”ooooohhh do it now now please, make sure you leave a comment🤢.” I cannot emphasize how much I have to reiterate these words daily to different individuals and like the Parable of the Sower in the bible, my pleas could fall on rocky ears💀, ears decorated with thorns😈, or a good ear😇.

Dog begging
There’s a thin line between blogging and begging.

 

GENUINE AND SOUR FRIENDSHIP (DEPENDENCY SYNDROME😣)

No matter how crooked they are, I quickly realized everyone around me has a role to play in pushing the envelope🤝, that’s why It’s become hard for me to spit some friendship out🤧. I need friends, good or sour, because the truth is, the good ones will not always be there to support my cause, and the sour ones are very good fall back plans🤗. If you are a creative or an entrepreneur, you can attest to the fact that friends are always the first fans. Taking my baby steps with Muttering Minds, I needed friends to always comment and share (still do🤪), I would practically disturb their peace through BC’s and direct messages and sometimes phone calls to be sure they read and comment😪.

Read: Friendship is a Ruse

“See Doris, I won’t always be there to like or comment, just keep pushing, you don’t have to depend on me always🤨”. I won’t lie, I felt so pained and hurt the day Taiwo one of my closest said this to me. I thought she’ll always have my back but then it is what it is😒. I understood her enough and there a question dawned on me; “Do my friends like Muttering Minds or they just follow for my sake🤔?” I am still unsure about the answer but I want to believe I have given them something worthy of their support😎.

Friendship

So far, my friends have been good to me even more than I have been to them💆‍♀️. Tempted to do some name-callings but I’ll pass for the fear of forgetting some👩‍🦯👩‍🦯. And the sour friendships too, some have even metamorphosed into genuine ones.

Dear Friends and Sour, I am still suffering from dependency syndrome, but I hope you all can bear with me some more until I can walk without staggering (I’ll still need you always😉). I love you all💖💖. But wait a sec! Do you love Muttering Minds or you’re just pretending?🤒

 

PARANOIA/ SEASONAL DEPRESSION AND FRUSTRATION😔🤯

I’ll be a liar if I tell you I sleep well on most nights. I’m not one of those blessed with the ability to sleep immediately and not wake at a little sound. I work late nights and the little hours are usually interrupted by a disturbing thought about Muttering Minds🥴 especially on the eve of posting a story. “Will they like it🥶?” “Will anyone find it offensive🤧?” “Will they learn😨?” “Will they laugh😣?”… most imperatively, “Will they be moved enough to give their likes and comment offerings😢?” I get so nervous and sabotage my worth even further.

paranoia
Source- The creative Cafe

As soon as I click ‘Publish’, my heartbeat starts moving faster than two competitors in a car race😤. Sometimes the turn out picks up really fast, other times it feels like I’m nursing the Adam’s curse where I have to sweat until I see results🥵🥵. “ooooh only one person has commented on my story😱!!! Gosh! Is it that bad😭😭? You told me it was interesting! You lied🙄?”…here’s me hassling my better half Aji and my friend Bubu who both often painstakingly read my stories before I publish. “Stop tripping! Only one comment yet!😑” That’s what Aji would say while Bubu laughs at me without reservation🤨 and afterward tells me to calm down. Sometimes their reactions make me feel better, other times more depressed until the results show up.

depression

After I’ve managed to achieve a smooth sail with everyone commending the content, the server starts to act up. “Ah Uju, your site is showing “Error in Database Connection o”…there I go, frustration 101. “Isaaaaaaccccc🤯🤯🤯… please check the site, it’s not opening🥺”. I swear my web guy would have sold me if he found a good buyer, I am a pain in his ass but it’s not my fault. And one awkward thing that usually happens is when he checks it, it opens immediately. What Witchcraft😐! Shout out to Isaac🤩, for tolerating my excesses, and the job well done always, you should hire him too.

THE STORIES; ELUDING STORY THIRST; LOW FIGURE PHOBIA😱

I get my story ideas mainly from conversing with people, not necessarily a good conversation. A good story needs a good title and visual to see it through. Sourcing pictures can be hard work, sometimes you search everywhere on Google still the picture you have in your head is nowhere close🧐. And the headlines too, I hate when it’s basic or predictable, I will rather not post the story if my head keeps coming up with gibberish titles. It sucks🤮!

What Phobia Is the Fear of Numbers?
Source- Verywell Mind

I fear low figures😤, I remember when I started, I had a disturbing obsession for traffic that I would post three stories daily. Like😂!!! I then cut down to one daily then four per week, three, and now one! Nothing has taught me more that quality beats quantity than having to test the waters myself😅. Now it’s a SOLID ONE 💪per week and everyone loves it (I think🙃). Or how many would you prefer weekly?

I doubt I can ever get over low figure phobia, I still catch myself gulping saliva whenever I’m checking my backend because I’m usually scared the numbers might break my heart😔. There was a time 100 clicks used to be a big deal to me, and then it graduated to 500 clicks per story😄. However now, I give myself a target of at least 3k clicks per story😅. Thanks to Twitter, the retweet groups, and my fraudulent act of spamming, I get to surpass my target. Please reserve some forgiveness for me in advance incase I spam your tweets in the future😂😂. I promise this too shall pass. In this new year, at least 5K clicks finna be my target😌.

emails

A credit alert or a new story alert (mail)? I am unsure which makes me happier🤔. I feel so elated and honored whenever someone finds me worthy to tell their story or feature it😁. To all of you who have contributed so far to MUTTERERS CLUB, my words are not enough to appreciate you, still, I am grateful🙌🙌. I will forever enjoy rubbing minds with each one of you to channel magic from your stories💦💦.

Donate For Muttering Minds

P.s. bear in mind that every story you find under Mutterers Club is not mine (although edited by me🤓). You will also find some features under ‘Ask The MUTTERERS’ or ‘Movie Reviews’. The names of the writers are usually in the title area. That’s how someone sent me a DM on Twitter asking if I am bald😒. No please🤨, that’s not my story. If you need to share a story for a possible feature, CLICK HERE.

writers
Do not hesitate to send me your stories.

JOY! JOY! JOY! 😄And THANKS💃!

My joy is so tied to Muttering Minds and I don’t know if it’s a bad thing but this is where my heart is🧖‍♀️. Just like a mother feels when her child is sick, that’s how I feel every iota of emotion for this🧎‍♀️.

There have been some memorable joyful moments especially recently and I know it will keep getting better😆. Thank you all for making the burden light😄. Thank you all for igniting your minds to always connect with the stories; it’s priceless❣❣. I enjoy every time here, I hope you do also. Keep the mutterings coming on a high spirit as always💥💥.

Joy vs. Happiness:
So Joyful

 

I CAME BEARING A GIFT🎁

Oh yes🙊, but this one comes with a price😌. So I was thinking of a proper way to celebrate without cakes and candles since I’ve got no money for a jamboree (soon I promise you💋), so I thought to add value to someone’s life for a token. On this note, my writing agency @HIRE_A_WRITER_ decided to let CV’s and Cover Letters go for two thousand naira each (N2,000/ $5)😄. This offer will last from today September 24th, up until September 30th (one week👌). If you need to write your CV or Cover letter, please contact the number on the flyer below. Help me share with your circle also; you never know who needs it. I assure you a quality result💯💯.

Cv and Cover letter

I NEED TO CHIP THESE IN TOO💁‍♀️🙋‍♀️…

It’s a taboo if you aren’t a member of my inner caucus “Naked Minds”🙄… drive stubbornness away by clicking HERE to subscribe🤕. Follow Muttering Minds on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Affordable advertising plans are also available to small and big businesses, send a mail to mutteringminds@gmail.com if interested🙏.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Oops! I guess you have finished your imaginary popcorn already, lol😂😂. For some reason, I saw the need to share what goes on ‘behind the scenes’ of the gripping stories you read here😄. Perhaps someone might be inspired🧘‍♀️.

The beauty of starting
Say something Niceeeee

Today is a special day for me, and I’ll appreciate you wishing me well and gush about Muttering Minds😆😆. Remember not commenting is equivalent to fraud😕. If you’ll love to suggest something that can help improve the growth of Muttering Minds too, feel free🙋‍♀️. If this is your first time here, you are welcome🙊, I’ll love to meet you in the comment section too🙈. Yes, I am begging! Please leave me a comment😿.

Once again, cheers to a gigantic ONE🍻, I hope to run the race forever with you all by my side💋❣.

 

8 min read

I was numb, clueless, I stared at my computer for a while, not remembering one thing she taught me a few seconds ago🥴. How do you teach someone something so casually and expect them to pick the baton effortlessly?🤒 Or maybe it’s not rocket science, every educated adult ought to be familiar with this, should be a shame she’s teaching me😪. Here I was, still staring keenly at the computer, questioning my cluelessness yet also trying to maintain a pose like I knew what I was doing. I played with the mouse for a while and the keyboard too, beating the letters like one of those secretaries I admire in the movies, only that no boss could break the shame by requesting for a cup of coffee at the moment🥺. 

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

social hiccups
I was numb, Clueless… (photo source- Business Insider)

“You know what, fuck it!”, I murmured under my breath🤨. “Rita please could you help me out with this again, I actually don’t know how to do it🥴”. I asked with a shy tone coated in shame. Rita gave me a busy and subtle nasty look yet tried to cover up by acting like it’s nothing to not know. But I can swear that deep down her mind, she screamed “OLODO! OLODO! WHY SO DUMB?!” 🧐🧐

I grew up late, not age-wise but exposure. Most of the things I saw my age mates do, I couldn’t, and rather than try whenever I found an opportunity, I always avoided it for fear of not embarrassing myself. 

social life
I grew up late, not age-wise but exposure. (Source- Quiet Revolution)

COMPUTERS

Growing up, computers topped the pyramid of the things I avoided like a plague😵. My parents are not tech-savvy people, they enjoy their simple life and only believe in providing a child with what they need. By need, I mean food, clothes, school. And these three come with no side attraction☹. For food, it’s the normal food you know, clothes, nothing extra, and tuition fees had no excursions or luxury classes included. “God When” was the most popular phrase that dominated my mind as a teenager…nah, it wasn’t me wishing for a relationship, but when I’ll finally stop getting scared of computers🤢. An icing to my fears was that everyone around me thought I knew these things because I was book smart so this made it worse that whenever an opportunity came, I got scared and would usually pull away rather than reveal a side to my unseen foolishness😒. 

Read: 5 Tech Phobias You Never Knew Existed

This was the order of my growth up until the university stage, and even after until it got to a point I couldn’t run anymore; at this point, I was already quite familiar with Microsoft Office, and locating the media software of a computer, nothing more. My worst nightmare became real when I got a job as a writer for a firm and was assigned my own computer. How people expect you to know how to use things when they haven’t seen you do so remains a mystery😟. Everyone seemed too busy to care if I knew how to use Google Docs or WordPress, and then newbies like Slack, Workable, Trello, Betrix24, which I had never heard of in my life. Christ! I was a mess. How do I confess my ignorance? 😭😭

social hiccups
Christ! I became a mess. How do I confess my ignorance?

“Oooh Doris😡😡!! I’m not sure you are fit for this job, since you got here we haven’t reached our goal😡” My line-manager made it hell for me with her unkind words. Imagine giving me a target of reporting at least six stories daily and all I could deliver was one and a half😶. Tragic. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to write but I couldn’t multitask the browser and Microsoft app on a computer. So what I did was to browse with my phone, write on my jotter before typing with the system🥵🥵. 

Read: When You No Longer Work There

How I conquered my phobia for computers was that after depriving my eyes of plenty of tears every morning😭😭, I usually put a call across to my friend to help me every time at work. As time went on, I also mastered the art of watching; once a colleague started explaining something to me, I gave unreserved attention. At some point too, I realized there was actually no big deal in saying these; “I don’t know”, “Can you explain again?”, even for the umpteenth time. I became better at the job and started to report about eight stories daily. Now I can proudly say that I am good with the computer and also numerous software. 😄

social
Source- Women Who Hope

PUBLIC SPEAKING 

I hate the fact that workplaces are fastly taking a cue from the school system😑. As an adult, I believe I reserve the right to take up a course on my own will and most importantly talk at my will too. But No! This is not the case for workplaces at least not anymore😬. Growing up, I hated public speaking even down to the barest minimum of reading a note aloud to five people🙃. I feigned a terrible illness at the time I was supposed to defend my project for my BS.c degree, that’s how bad I hate public speaking🙄.

Read: A Quagmire is Safer with Friends Inside

Now, the workplace makes it even more infuriating because I cannot run unless I want to starve. Nothing pisses me off in a workplace (asides from owing salaries🤧) than knowing that I have been assigned a course to learn on Coursera or Udemy and worst off present it in front of my colleagues. Yuck! Jeez!🤮🤮 Can the world end already?!

social hiccup
Source- SHRM

And whilst I’m talking and my colleagues keep staring at me like geckos😏…what disrespect!  The last time I checked I was employed as a writer, not a speaker😔.

Donate For Muttering Minds

Not sure I can conquer this side of me no matter the clever tips I read on google🤒, I still stutter, murder tautology a thousand times, and worse off doesn’t even make sense to me, let alone the others😴😴. It’s as though my head spins on a merry go round the moment I am assigned to speak. (Yes! I am that writer who speaks like an illiterate especially in public👩‍🦯👩‍🦯). 

 

HANGING OUT, DATES ( EXCLUSIVE FORK AND KNIFE AFFAIR)

 Pushing me out to dance in parties as a kid did some psychological damage that defiled my morale for attending social gatherings as an adult😔. I am a bad dancer but African brethren don’t get this truth (coconut heads🙄). I hated going to birthday parties because all the times I went, there was always a group of aunties forcing me to dance against my will☹. In the end, I come last. Pathetic. Now I hate going out because it still feels my outings have been jinxed; always a sour memory, if not from the road/bus passengers, then its the location and the events that unfold😨. 

Read: Why I Hate Mutual Friends
social life escalator
An escalator

You see escalators, whoever invented those hated me even before meeting me personally🙁. I never want to find myself having to use it; stairs all the way. My most horrid memory about it was when I went on a movie date with my ex (after much postponing😓). “Omon please let’s use the stairs, I’m scared of this shit,” I communicated my fears but he felt he got things in control (as per knight in shining armor🙄). Going up was successful, we had a nice time at the movies but coming down with the escalator was a failed gravity. My precious Zara sandals which I wore to impress suddenly got hooked somewhere at the edge😱😱, yet the escalator kept rolling as though about to devour my foot😭😭. 

Read: How we have Become Familiar Strangers to each Other

“Chai! Sorry o” “Ah fine girl, what happened now”…typical Nigerians and their love for throwing sympathies yet laughing😦. Everyone had something to say that day as they passed, meanwhile, my ex was trying so hard to hold his laughter and also making sure I didn’t lose my mind. The engineer finally came after 600 years of calling for help😭😭. He managed to get my foot off my sandals first and then unhooked my sandals with some tools. It was embarrassing😵. What made me a bit cool was him saying that I wasn’t the first and a lot of sandals and flip-flops were currently stuck inside it. Our date was ruined, to hell with this social life! 😔 all I wanted was to vanish from the mall to hell with the chicken and chips I was promised, mama’s taste better anyway☹☹. 

How to make perfect, crispy and flavourful french fries at home

The incident made me renew my vows about not going out again😴. I still miss my innocent Zara sandals who got bruised for my sake and couldn’t walk the roads again😓😓. RIP footie, your death taught me never to dress to impress.😬

Stay Updated! Click Here To Join Our Telegram Channel

 “Ah, we should hang out sometime”“My friends are throwing a party, I’ll love you to attend”. Excuse you! Why me?🙁 Please leave me alone! Aside from the few yet memorable bad luck I’ve encountered while hanging out, I get very jittery, more like I develop anxiety disorder whenever someone says we should hang out😖. For instance, if the date is two weeks away, I begin to over reason the event, people I’m likely to meet, will anyone be talking to me when I don’t want to?🤔 Will I be able to crack my chicken bones?🤭 Ding! Dong! What on earth am I going to wear!? 🤯🤯 Thinking over and over gives me a headache and before you say jack, I’ve researched a perfect suitable lie to ensure we don’t see.🤪

social hiccup
Excuse you! Why me? Please leave me alone!

Now the flip-side is, to get more connections (networking🤝), you need to hang out more, so what do I do with my life? I resolved that I’ll start going out often but the red lines in my bank account are solely responsible for this defiance.😌

Read: Detty December! If You Must Come Along…

And then the fear of not knowing how to eat with a fork and knife… Whoop! Whoop! Perhaps we should leave this part for a future publication😂😂. I’ll keep admiring people who go out on dinner dates. Bold strokes. Let it remain wishful thinking for me, I don’t mind🤗.

Donate For Muttering Minds

The things I’ve avoided growing up are things I ended up needing to sharpen my adulthood. It feels good opening up about these pertinent three and even feels better knowing that learning has been so feasible and somewhat enjoyable😃. 

date night
I’ll keep admiring people who go out on dinner dates. Bold strokes.

How about you? Did you hit a stumbling block growing up? 🤔 Or maybe still battling some social glitches, huh? Do you feel your social life is moving at a snail speed like mine? I want to learn about those embarrassing times (social hiccups🤭) in your life and possibly how you overcame them too. And if you got nothing on you, a reaction to my own experience will be great. Leave me a comment pleaseeeee.🙋‍♀️👇👇

6 min read

There’s always that one thing we want but we will never get, maybe, just maybe when we take our minds off the wishful thinking, that’s when it will come. Not promising, but this has always been a consolation response to me whenever I complain to my friends about how slim I am and cannot wait to grow fat.

Bowled over? It’s not like I am too thin but then…all my life, I have longed to be a little thick at least especially on some strategic part of my body but my creator wouldn’t let me shine on that path. Since I became aware of myself I don’t think I have ever changed in looks or size. “Vampire”“Uju you are perfect the way you are”“You are so small and cute””I wish I had your body”… blah blah blah… You really do think that’s a compliment right? You wish! Well, maybe sometimes.

slim
It was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

The mistake most people make is that they think every slim person loves the way they are and that every fat person curses the day they were born. Do you ever stop to think for a second that some slim people actually hate it when you emphasize their body weight? Well, I belong to that one percent of the one percent who hate it when you do. Don’t ask me when I would gain weight or why I haven’t added since we left high school. It is rude. 

Donate For Muttering Minds

That was how the other day I ran into a mate from high school and the first thing she said was “Ah Doris! you haven’t changed, you are still small”. I had to morsel laugh for pretense sake but after she left I began analyzing her birdbrained approach. I concluded it was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

MY WEIGHT GAIN TRICK AND BACK TO SQUARE ZERO

Being slim can be very fine especially on tall people but if you are ‘slim and short’ like me, you will agree with me that beauty goes on vacation sometimes without seeking your permission. My body is like a chameleon only that it changes its weight instead of color. Small stress and I deflate. One minute I am happy to have gained 2kg and the next minute I am 4kg down. How annoying? It’s like one step forward and a million miles backward.

Read: What Is Perception To You?

So I discovered a weight gain trick two years ago. I started going to the gym. Daily. The first time I stepped my feet at the gym, it felt as odd as a baby enrolling for a Master’s Degree. “Ah”“What do you want to lose”“Do you want to disappear?” So many discouraging remarks but I didn’t give up. Specifically, I told the gym instructor that I wanted to add, not lose weight, “build my shape”. I started building my muscles and strength and taking lots of protein shakes. Little or no aerobics, deadlifts, lunges, leg lifts, squatting, and more. Squatting was my favorite exercise because I wanted to be just as bad as sexy and guess what, it worked. I built my muscles so much that I gained 10kg in five months. From 50kg to 60kg; well-shaped and a little thick. It was like Christmas in June until I got a nine to five job that swept me off my joy.

slim
From 50kg to 55kg; well-shaped and a little thick.

The new weight and look became history. I felt sad and still is. Initially, I tried to keep up with the gym during weekends but it felt like gaining only to lose it the next minute. There was no point. Little stress and small omissions that should become part of life because of our drive to make ends meet are bad for me. Stress like jumping buses from Monday to Friday, skipping meals, working hard, going for holidays…etc. they all take a toll on my weight. Now I weigh 49kg!! And the most unfair part of all these is that I see people who do worse than I do, gaining weight effortlessly while I get thinner than thin. This life is so unbalanced. If riches cannot be equal, let weight be even at least.

Donate For Muttering Minds
I should chip in that the only sign that I am likely to be as thick as I crave in the future is my butts. There’s something about my butts, as a matter of fact, it is my most precious asset before my *****. It gives me joy that something can at least grow and be visible when you look at me but its glory fluctuates too. Sometimes it appears super full like some huge melons and admirable especially after doing some rigorous squats indoors. Other times my two butt cheeks betray me by looking like pullets. Times like this, don’t tell me I have lost weight, I know, you don’t have to rub it in. The moment someone says to me “Ah Uju, you are starting to lose weight again”… by default my response is usually “Including my butts?”. If they concur automatically I sink into depression because for it to go down, then it is that bad.
Butt clipart animated, Butt animated Transparent FREE for download ...
Including my butts?

IT IS DEPRESSING 

You think that every slim person has it happy right? Well, it’s not the same for me. How do you explain seeing a really gorgeous dress you can afford and you purchase it only for it to be falling off your shoulders? Or the seller subtly screams at your face saying “leave it, it won’t fit you”. Deep down, she knows you won’t bring out the beauty of the dress.

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straightforward As You Think

You also think every slim person got there by default right? “Oh, it’s her nature”… well, it’s not for some. Some people are sick and the more they take their medications, fat has no place to stay. Some slim persons like me cannot even explain their body type. Sometimes I undergo forced feeding yet, nothing to show for it. Just like losing weight is a struggle for some, gaining weight is a slice of tough meat for me.

slim

Meeting a slim person does not give you the right to start measuring the size of their arm with your fingers. It’s not cute. Or the name callings like “lepa”, “Broom Stick”, “Thinny” etc. These are very ugly names and full-blown body shaming that we have remained oblivious to. Except someone tells you that they like some part of their body, it doesn’t give you the right to assume that it’s good for them and start making jokes. The fact that a lot of people want something doesn’t guarantee that those who have it are happy with it.

I’m GOING BACK!

Well! Well! Well! Maybe you are slim and you love you just the way you are, that’s cool. As for me, l love me and will love me even more with some more flesh.

I want to put on some healthy weight gain. And since I discovered the trick that works best for me is the gym, I’m going back. COVID took the nine to five away so I decided to look on the bright side of things. I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg. I hope to get there before the year runs. Possible? We shall see… I’ll try to keep you posted

Donate For Muttering Minds

slim
I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg.

My weight is one of my biggest insecurities. Talking about it with you Mutterers brings a sense of relief. Do you mind sharing with me your insecurities too? or perhaps we are walking in the same shoes, I’ll like to hear… or better still you got some advice on how I can gain some weight without going to the gym? 

I’ll be waiting in the comment section.

 

7 min read

Yassssssss we are back! 💃💃I know right, we’ve been away for about a month if I’m counting correctly. My apologies, I missed you too. The wait was frustrating but I found myself sapping solace from the bigger picture (I hope you can see it too)🤗.

You know one of those setbacks where you are unable to help yourself yet you beat yourself each day for not being able to help yourself as if it will solve it but NO. At the end of the day, you are left with yourself, dancing alone and disrobed in the distress. So what do you do? Motivate you?🤔

 

The Long Wait.

I kid you not; these past weeks harboured the longest days of my life. Like what the hell?! I’m so used to this. Starting my day with sharing stories and awaiting your feedback and equally re-sharing in between is unapologetically my lifestyle. A heavenly race I have been running for nine months, so you can imagine how not posting for three days talk more of a month encroached on my sanity.🥺

wait
These past weeks harboured the longest days of my life

Do you ever have something wrong with you (a setback precisely) that takes charge of your entire being? It controls your feelings down to your roots that you find yourself ignoring every other part of your life no matter how important they are until that particular shit is fixed? This summarizes my life for the past month. Remember I asked in the first paragraph ‘Motivate you?’

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straight Forward As You Think

When something I hold dearly crashes and burns or seems like it, it’s hard for me to hear myself breathe. I find it difficult to motivate me. And the flip side about the chips being down is that no matter what every other person says to you, only you can help yourself. If you can motivate you, you’ll be fine in no time but for me, it’s a course I fail to pass. More than anything, I find myself sinking in the rigours until the problem manages to fix itself in some way and then I feel better and happy just like now. Raise your hands if you are like me.✋

wait
When something I hold dearly crashes and burns or seems like it, it’s hard for me to hear myself breathe.

The Lessons and My Identity Crisis

It dawned on me that I have tied more than half of my happiness to my writing career (especially Muttering Minds). This wait made me realize that some key areas that should make up my existence have been dim for a long time yet I remain oblivious. Without my career, I am just a walking bag of bones inhaling oxygen. Should it be so? Who am I without having to attach the title of a writer to be seen? Who am I without having to gush over Muttering Minds?

Identity Crisis: wait
This hiatus made me realize that some key areas that should make up my existence have been dim for a long time yet I remain oblivious.

Who am I without my head signaling for inspiration or my nostrils sniffing for my next big story? Am I that daughter who knows well enough to love family and have their best interest at heart? Am I that friend who listens to her friends without having to chip in one or two things about an upcoming story or something about muttering minds? Am I that lover whose show of affection is unconditional or determined by the chronicles of my career achievements?

Donate For Muttering Minds

I’m afraid I have not been good even in relating to my creator. I go as far as debating if to talk to him first thing in the morning or send out that killer tweet. The tweet always wins the debate. At the end of the day, one tweet leads to many retweets, and then I proceed to other social networks, and viola! communing with the father becomes yet another procrastinated task.

Read: What It Means To Be Having An Identity Crisis

When I ask “HOW ARE YOU?” and they respond “FINE”, I fail to push further even though I know they are just being cliché. I hastily proceed to ask “HOW FAR THAT JOB WE TALKED ABOUT”  “WHAT ABOUT THAT STUFF YOU ARE PURSUING? ANY LUCK YET?” It’s always about one race or the other revolving around career and money. Should our career or hustle define who we are?

Do we need to attach a formal title in describing ourselves to be seen? ‘A  FRIEND’, ‘A BROTHER’, ‘A SISTER’…these are titles that resonate more with breeding self peace but I’m afraid we will never value them as much.

wait
I wanna be that really good friend.

Somehow I am grateful for the break. Going forward, this is not to say that I won’t be pushing my career or talking to friends about what I feel might be the next big thing, but I know well enough to draw the fine line and also lighten other areas of my life. They all can shine equally and if peradventure an area gets weak or broken, it won’t disrupt the flow of my existence (reference to the site crash) nor take away my worth. I wanna be that really good friend.

 

Growth!!

Wondering why we were away for so long?  I’m proud to announce that we have grown. Yaaahhhhh 💃💃🕺🕺feel free to clap and doff your hats, lol. Our hosting capacity could no longer contain us; yessssss our audience has grown bigger, you can clap again and maybe shake your butt a little🤸‍♂️. I had to make preparations for a new and better hosting service and you know since ‘Uncle COVID’ came on board, money became more slippery from our palms. It was a nail-biting experience trying to gather the sheaves but that’s bygone, I’m so happy to be back, you should be happy too😁. CHEERS TO MORE AND MORE AUDIENCE INCREASE!!🥂

wait
Cheers to more luxuriant growth!!

Anything You Should Know? 

Definitely! Asides from the hiccup that has been fixed, a lot of new ideas kept buzzing my mind throughout the hiatus but I will zip my lips for now lol. Some of the ideas have already been implemented, special thanks to the website developer Isaac Mattias🙏. You are a genius. 

Look around, spot any green text box by your left? It’s at the bottom. One-click and it takes you directly to the comment section. It also allows the writer to ask quick questions in between their story whilst you read. All you need do is give a quick answer and continue reading. See here. Click the green box. 

Donate For Muttering Minds

Asides from liking, you can now rate the stories on a scale of 1-5. You will see the rating star at the end of each post. Also for the comment section, you can now include images and GIFs. You know what, take your time to explore the site properly, there are many gold mines waiting to be uncovered lol😉, I’m pretty sure you’ll love the changes.

Read: How Do You Feel About Muttering Minds

Have you heard of NAKED MINDS? Our email community? If you are subscribed already to our weekly newsletter then you should be in the loop except you don’t read your emails…too bad😟. Naked Minds have been revamped from being a regular newsletter to having what I love to call a ‘Naked’ note attached. Imagine what kind of content a newsletter dispatched at night will hold? Won’t say any further. Click here to know more and subscribe, I promise to send catch up mail links to new subscribers.

wait
Naked Minds banner

About Muttering Minds. Ideas are never fully formed when you set out to execute them. They are like fragments or should I say a jigsaw puzzle where you have to fix the bits each day to form a clearer picture. It can only get better.

Read: Friendship Is A Ruse

The more I get involved with Muttering Minds, the more the vision becomes clearer. Maybe you understand the whole concept of Muttering Minds or not, you should read our ‘About Page’ again. It has been re-drafted to fill cracked holes and more importantly give clarity to all and sundry. To ensure we are on the same page throughout this muttering voyage, click HERE.

Donate For Muttering Minds

That said about the long wait. How are you?😁 What have you been up to and most importantly how did not reading a story here for that long feel? Don’t tell me you cheated on me…arrrghhhhh!😡 Oh, you forgot?!  In case you need a reminder, we are in a relationship and cheating is taboo, lol. 🤪 It’s been a pretty long while; let’s unwind in the comment section especially on the area of identity crises.

 

 

 

3 min read

Netflix’s new original movie, ‘The Half Of It’, takes a different but subtle angle on humanity’s conquest to simplify love in the eyes of teenagers who are all trying to make sense of life and also how love plays a large role in their individuality.

In the beginning, the main character, Ellie Chu (Leah Lewis) narrates and describes her life in an articulate and opinionated way. The animation in the introduction is a good touch. It shows the viewers a vague idea of what the title means and educates them with a part of mythology and then later it is revealed that she is writing an essay for her side business that involves doing her classmate’s papers in exchange of money.

As we are taken into a trip to this town, we can honestly say it is aesthetically pleasing. The normal and indifference of one’s teenage life through high school. Then there’s Paul Munsky, a character played by Daniel Diemer, a football player who glides through the social hierarchy and has his fair share of high school privilege.

Donate For Muttering Minds

The thing about ‘The Half Of It’ is, it strays away from the usual teenage flick where there are jocks, nerds, and high school petty politics. Paul is in love with a beautiful woman Aster Flores (Alexxis Lemire), he then asks Ellie to write a letter to him. If you watch too many movies, you know well enough that these things always end up in a love triangle where one is bound to fall in love with the other, leaving the last one with a broken heart. Not this movie.

The Half of It
The letters show that Aster and Ellie share an unusual but special take on life

Although hesitant, Ellie yields. She writes the first one and then the next and then it went on. The letters show that Aster and Ellie share an unusual but special take on life; they understand each other on deeper and more intellectual levels that Paul would not get. Still, she made sure Paul would win Aster over, making an effort to teach him everything he needs to know.

This is the best part. This is an emotional journey and the way the friendship between Paul and Ellie blossoms is the great takeaway in ‘The Half of It’. She never opens up; she has this sad back-story of her mother dying and her father falling deep into dysfunctional tendencies. She is alone and unsure but Paul makes an effort to know her, to see more than what she usually shows. Their friendship is everything. A definition of love.

Click Here To Catch Up On Our Latest Movie Reviews
The Half Of It
Their friendship is everything. A definition of not every love is a romance.

The Alice Wu direct may have given us different attempts to define it but in all, it shows us that friendship is itself a form of love. Bold strokes. I love the foreshadowing of the ending in the earlier part of the movie. Ellie and Paul are watching a scene from a film where a man is running with the train for a sad woman. Ellie thinks the man is a ‘moron’ for trying since he will never catch up the train but Paul argues that the woman is sad about it, she proceeds on saying that she is a moron too, for reasons that brought her to the position.

the half of it review
L-R; Leah Lewis, Alexxis Lemire

As Ellie leaves for college, Paul bids goodbye and runs with the train as she leaves. He is laughing and so does she, also crying. It is the biggest metaphor in the movie, how we are all morons with our own flaws and shortcomings, ending up in situations we would rather not be. Yet, we find ourselves growing, changing into better versions of who we are because of the consequences we take responsibility for. It is all the other half of it.

Donate For Muttering Minds

If you’ve also watched  ‘The Half Of It’, I’ll like to know your opinion about the movie, please leave a comment.

Want To Share A Movie Review With Us? Click Here!

 

4 min read

Prior to and during my secondary school education, I wasn’t given so much liberty, I attended a boarding school and was usually under surveillance but a girl’s got to have her way innit… I was really smart and versatile  and peculiar with many boy-girl tricks. It is safe to say no guy could pull a fast one on me. 

There was nothing like sex until I got to university at age 17. During my first year in school, I had a neighbour who I was fascinated by. You know this kind of guys who have charisma, mind their business and say little or no words to anyone yet girls trip, he is that kind. The times our paths crossed it would just be me having a glimpse of his shadow. Finally, my roommate introduced us as friends, unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

sex
Unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

I was young, vulnerable, feeble-minded and most importantly, finally free. I could decide what I want at any given time compared to the regimented kind of life I was familiar with. Gradually, we became close, I would ask my roommate to serve him meals whenever we cooked, I pitied him so much, sometimes I would say to myself, “poor boy that has no one, how would he cope?” As if I had anyone too..lol

While he was reserved and quite intelligent, I was the social and versatile one…As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as he wasn’t that experienced with the whole love thing. So we started a relationship that was beautiful whilst it lasted. Sex wasn’t a topic we talked about too much but we bore it in mind that it will happen at the right time when we were both ready.

Click Here To Submit Your First Sex Story
sex
As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as…

Unplanned maybe, but it happened. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, a long burnt orange polo dress, I had made dinner for the both of us and we were having a good time. Things got a little slippery and off we went. Truly, I didn’t know what I was doing until I did it. It happened so fast…awkwardly sweet…and messy. I had to lead, I had to take charge… you know why? It was also his first sex too. I can’t really tell if I felt deep emotions, for me it was like a project that had to be executed and gotten over with. I actually wasn’t ready, I thought I was but I wasn’t.  So about the messy side…there was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time. No fun. As time went on, we transitioned into other sex styles, It took a while especially mental readiness before I started enjoying sex. 

Read: My boyfriend and I are both virgins. How do we get through our first time?
first sex
There was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time.

Not against those who say sex is not a big deal, it is their opinion after all, for me, it actually is one big deal everyone should know about at the early stage of their life. Talks, sessions, advises, etc should be offered in this regard. Do not let children pick up stories from the wrong people and term it as knowledge or experience. If you want to abstain, you need to understand the reason why you want to abstain or why you are told to do so, not just following the bandwagon. Also to parents and guardians, approach matters a lot. Whatever approach you want to use to hold your point, make sure you drill your point and explain rightly up till the root, and be sure you are well understood and not assumedly perceived. A lot of people lose their virginity because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t. As partners, if you decide to be celibate, here are questions you can ask yourselves;

  1. Why Celibacy?
  2. What happens when we do, what is our gain?
  3. What are we looking forward to?
  4. What if we don’t?
Why Should You Practice Abstinence For Sexual Celibacy? | Penile ...
Why celibacy?

These above pointers also apply to singles. People should not put themselves under the societal pressure of ‘going celibate’ or ‘keeping their virginity’ when they don’t have deep insight into the core values and heavenly blessings surrounding it. Like the bible puts it in Hosea 4:6,  “my people perish because of lack of knowledge”, I think that’s what is wrong with a lot of us. I don’t have regrets, but I wish I would have had it in a better way. I have moved from it and have learnt to make my choices wisely.

Want To Share Your First Sex Experience? Click Here
5 min read

While a good number of people hold dearly the factors that define ‘marriage’, which include commitment, growth and staying faithful to the ‘for better or worse’ oath, there is a rigid percentage who hold that marriage should have an expiry date because of the mystery that accompanies change.

The grouping above was influenced by a now-viral tweet which held that “One day, you’ll meet someone who’s more fascinating than your partner, get ready to fight your own self and be content with what you have.”

marriage
What’s your biggest fear when it comes to marriage?

“Scary stuff. Marriage is supposed to have an expiry date sha. Just because of situations like this. People evolve and so do their alignments. People also outgrow people. What happens when you outgrow your spouse”… Here! a response to the tweet which stood out for me and got me thinking. 

As a single lady, my biggest fear is finding ‘The One’, walking down the aisle and afterwards my marriage metamorphoses into something I cannot recognize. I perfectly understand the angle both tweeps are leveraging on,  and I’ll break it down in the best way I feel and then leave you to state yours. Fine right?

Marriage
When it metamorphoses into something you cannot recognize

When Distraction Threatens ‘I DO’

Distractions don’t always look like distractions until they distract you. It is like someone who’s starting to get addicted to a drug, and when you hint them of their excessive use, they maintain they are in control and before you know it, it becomes too late to get out. 

Asides from the perks that come with marriage, it is a union wherein both parties come to an agreement to stay committed, disciplined, and content come what may. Anyone can easily say that they would stay content and fight the urge to misbehave in their marriage but can they really? 

The 'Distracted Boyfriend' Meme Photographer Explains All | WIRED

She is not in the league of the models in the magazine you’ll normally picture whenever you wank, yet you put a ring on it. He is not as intellectual as the men you met before him who equally had some captivating six-packs, yet you said ‘I do’. The irony of specs. So what happens after you are married and you finally come in contact with the model in the magazine and she’s willing to take you on an adventure? To put an icing on the cake, her show of intelligence gets you, she loves your kind of music and seems to get you without having to explain so much, unlike your wife who’s seemingly ‘nagging’. 

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife…Who Should Be More Thankful?

From spending a lot of time with the sexy six-packed gentleman at work, you deviate to having more personal talks like telling him things your husband does that you don’t like. Gradually, you are sinking, from work hours it extends to before bedtime conversations and as mischief loves to play, your husband is caught up in some cosy chats with his fantasy turned reality model.

marriage
As mischief loves to play

At this point, denial sets in.  You know full well what’s happening but you think you can handle it. You see, it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. We are all made of strengths and deficiencies, walking down the aisle does not erase our deficiencies nor does it wield our strength. Be good friends with your spouse. Good friends communicate about everything and anything no matter how silly. If the gentleman keeps calling you after work hours, discuss it! Like the way you tell that fantasy model about different sex styles you relish, let your wife know.

Read The Communication Mistakes Almost Every Couple Makes

Exchanging marital vows is not a repellant to distraction. Distractions are bound to happen, and when it does, two things are involved, it either brings the couple closer, so they can work on the defects in their marriage or it brings an end to the chapter of that marriage.  You will always find someone more fascinating than your spouse, financially, physically or mentally. If you communicate often and truthfully with your spouse, there should be no cause for alarm. 

Marriage
Communication is key. Be willing

An Expiry Date?

Except for contract marriages, I don’t think anyone who is head over heels in love with their partner would go into marriage with the notion that after several years, it should expire. A lot of people say marriage is scary because they fear ‘change’. 

You see, all things are transitory, likewise human beings. Change is good but equally scary especially when it is not in our favour (especially in a case where the other party is taking giant steps and keeping up becomes exhausting). If you woke up one morning to see that your spouse has altered in behaviour, what measures will you take? Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight, change is like an army of ants trying to build an anthill, little by little, the worker ants dig the subterranean tunnels and in no time it materializes. Suddenly you’re wondering how it came to be. Sometimes even the person who is accused of change doesn’t even know they have changed. Now, this is a topic for another day.

Marriage
For better and forever!

Like you are not the same person 10 years ago, your partner is not too; marriage does not stop you from changing. It is very possible for partners to outgrow each other, could be financially, sexually, career-wise, preferences or even spiritually. For instance, If presently, you love to have coffee and bread every morning with your wife, chances are that one party will fall out of love for it faster than the other. This shows that even in the tiniest ways, partners can outgrow each other. 

It is impossible but equally tameable to outgrow one’s partner, it doesn’t mean the marriage should come to an end. If there is active listening, communication and love, then marriage should not have an expiry date. 

marriage
Don’t you admire loving even when you are old and grey?

If after all these you feel marriage should have an expiry date then the ball is in your court. But I hope it’s not for the sake of starting all over with someone new, that will be some ugly big joke on you because change will always play its role. Here’s what my friend Toyosi said, “irrespective of the fact that some of us had a very strict upbringing and stern parents, we still haven’t tossed them away, rather every year we celebrate them and sing their praises on different social media platforms, we should apply the same to our partners.”

Single or dating? Married or divorced? Let’s talk. How do you handle a distraction? As for marriages having expiry dates, would you say I trashed the topic? 

 

Want To Share Your Story? Click Here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 min read

So I  posted the image below on my WhatsApp status to get candid opinions from my contacts so guess what, 100% of the men picked Chioma, and by 100% I mean over thirty.

Wow! The world’s way of thinking has finally turned. I remember there was a time when people believed more of  “if you really love your woman and don’t want to lose her, don’t you dare tell her you’ve got another booty”. But now the guys are screaming “he loves Chioma, he trusts Chioma” in my DM… Like WT real F?

Some time ago, this same question came up while discussing with a group of friends and my opinion was completely shushed. I said that I’d rather a man be sincere with me from the onset if he’s got a date or shagging other females than lie to get my commitment. Cause  I’d rather decide my fate by myself than be thrown under a moving train of surprises. I want to know what I’m up against, rather than be crushed by a “stay away from my man” text.

Read: Who Are You Dating? Does Your Partner…

“shut up girl!”… I was hushed completely.  My friends said to me: A man that tells you he’s got another woman, doesn’t love you or respect your feelings. He only wants to use you. When he’s done, he’ll dump you and crawl back to the arms of his real love like you never happened. This was their take. Well, in the long run, I had to conform to their standpoint.

love
A man that tells you he’s got another woman, doesn’t love you or respect your feelings.

Sadly a lot of ladies don’t. Most ladies believe that if a man loves them, he wouldn’t say. NOT ME, Cause I know the kind of stress I’ll put the man through just to be sure he really wants me.  

Well, the recent responses I got on WhatsApp is a proof that men have moved into a different thinking zone, my thought zone! Welcome home guys, I’m happy to know that y’all have won the quest for SENSE SEARCH and I’m proud

 

Same Pill For Ladies?

No lady on this earth will tell the man she truly loves that she’s got another. 

If a lady ever says this, it’s either because she doesn’t love him yet, or she doesn’t love him at all. We’re crazy, we know. And as a blessed Visioneer, a lady already knows if she’ll end up loving/liking a man or not. I don’t know how we know this though, perhaps it’s a superpower.

If a lady has more than one man, whatever she chooses to do with them is totally dependent on her reason for getting into the relationship.

Read: How to Deal with a Love Triangle
A Faithful Man' explores the many sides of a love triangle
A man can’t handle the truth as a lady will

Men And The Truth

A man cannot handle the truth like a lady can.  No man I know will want to remain in a committed relationship with a lady if he finds out she’s got another man. And even if he stays, he’s just enjoying the bed works until he finds a clearer focus.

Note that all the points I gave are only applicable to dating relationships. If it’s got to do with marriage, CHIOMA IS A SIDE CHICK. No man will tell his wife he’s got a side chick. 

I thought I was one of the good guys. Then I read the Aziz Ansari ...
He’s just enjoying the bed works until he finds a clearer focus.

This then leads to one question I’m sure many ladies got on their minds while reading this… “Why won’t he do the same in his relationships?”

My dear, when we see God, we’ll ask him why he created men the way he did, cause I am clueless. Any man with an answer to this question can help us out, cause hell yeah! I’m interested.

And if you think he loves Bisola more, the floor is yours too. Gentlemen/ Ladies, shall we?

 

Click Here To Submit Your Story
4 min read

No matter how incorrigible you’ve been since elementary down to high school, college life must have an influence on you (could be positive or negative). This truth is painted vividly in Jude Okwudiafor Johnson’s ‘Freshman Year’, a faith-based film centred on the main character CJ, a young man born into a Christian family. His Father Chukwuma is a Nigerian and revered man of God while his mum Veronica, a legal expert and a respectable woman of British descent. 

CJ leaves home for the first time to college and crosses path with a Latino, Marcella. Torn between staying faithful to his doctrine and the perks of college life, he makes a huge mistake that changes his life and questions every virtue his father has inculcated in him.

Freshman Year

Why You Should Watch  FreshMan Year

If you are not a parent yet, you most definitely are someone’s brother or sister, friend, girlfriend or boyfriend. The story written by Jude Okwudiafor Johnson and Toby Osborne definitely had everyone in mind.

Freshman Year seizes the opportunity to change the narrative of cliché reactions triggered by immorality or unforeseen mistakes in society. Here’s how it appeals to you in whichever category you fall under.

To Parents:

How true is it that if you train up a child in the way he should go, he will never depart from it even when he’s old?  A lot of Parents, especially religiously inclined ones are sunk in the delusion that their children will grow up  the way they taught them to be. While this might work out well from toddler to teenage age, adulthood might be threatening.

Chukwuma couldn’t hide his displeasure the moment his son, CJ broke the news that he got a girl (Marcella) pregnant. In such little space of leaving home, his son had committed a crime that made him question his relationship with God and biblical teachings. Despite all odds, he allows love to lead.

Toby Osborne on Twitter: "World premiere this Friday ...

Examining the roles played by CJ’s parents and Marcella’s mum, I urge every Parent to watch “Freshman Year”.  A child’s deviation from the parents teaching does not always mean he/she has not been listening the whole time. It’s either posed by a mistake or peer pressure. Peer pressure has a strong grip especially for children who were trained to always stay indoors. The moment the child takes a peek at the outer world with little or no supervision, he/she is bound to explore the other side of the coin.

Among all the characters who played the role of a parent, I loved Chukwuma more. His reaction changed the entire cause of the movie from what I thought it would be. His derivation from the whole scenario that God was trying to teach him balance is the reality of how many men of God live their lives. The majority are entangled in the duty of fixing other people’s homes while a deep hole engulfs their household.

Download Freshman Year (2019) YIFY HD Torrent - yifyhdtorrent.net

To The Boyfriend Or Girlfriend:

The day you decide to start having premarital sex should be the day you decide to be ready for whatever consequences. My heart kept racing for CJ the moment he decided to father the child instead of an abortion. What will he say to his father knowing he had spent all his life ensuring he grows up to be a good man? Only 2 out of 10 boyfriends will think in that direction. CJ allowed love to lead and stuck to his beliefs about the bible being against abortion. Even though he deviated from biblical teachings at some point, he understood the efficacy as he retraced his steps.

Freshman Year | Netflix

To The Brother or Sister:

No two children are the same, even if born of the same parent. Watching Freshman Year, I learnt the importance of why siblings need to be friends, possibly best friends.  Training children from a tender age to eat together, play together, pray together etc. creates a good bond. It helps manage unforeseen circumstances that could bring disunity in the future. Comparing CJ’s home to Marcella’s, it’s easy to spot the difference. CJ being an exemplary brother made it easy for his siblings to accommodate his shortcomings. Hector, on the other hand, is more of a bully figure than a brother to Marcella, he acted very irrationally on getting the news of her pregnancy.

Freshman Year Teaser Trailer (2019) - YouTube

To The Friend:

The word ‘Friendship’ is ineffective if ‘Good’ is missing. There is more to friendship  than gossip. Kudos to Marcella and CJ’s friends for offering the needed support when it came calling. Freshman Year will open your eyes on how to become a better friend, I guarantee.  

Freshman Year Movie Trailer - Now Playing (HD) - YouTube

And That’s A Wrap:

There is usually great shock and excessive disappointment every time a parent uncovers that their child has fallen off the wagon. It’s a scar that may never fade; it’s a scar that amassed so much weight to crumble all the repute they’ve built in years past. Is it the child’s fault, or the fault of the parent who for so long wallowed blindly in the delusion that only their choices and doctrines matter? I enjoyed watching Freshman Year and I bet you would too. What I love most is its beauty in flipping the narrative about the usual reactions. The movie above all preaches love, family, the beauty of calm and patience and above all when God teaches balance. Its angle to Christianity is outstanding.

 

 

Care To Send Us A Movie Review? Click Here