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4 min read

To commemorate the International Women’s Day celebration yesterday (March 8), more than a majority hopped on the #EachforEqual hashtag, even the ones ignorant about the true meaning.

While the #EachforEqual tag trended on social media, especially Twitter. What got my attention more was Wema Bank’s newsletter which blew some hot steam. A part of it read: “We want more doctorate degree holders whose fathers didn’t question educating a girl child because they fear he won’t uphold his last name anyway. Understandably, we want better. We want more. We want equal.” 

Read: Am I The Only One Who Can’t Stand Kids?

The Deposit Money Bank concluded its letter with a triggering statement which read “But we are the mothers raising patriarchal sons, the bosses who make it difficult for female subordinates, and the friends who won’t speak up when male friends do wrong”

Below the belt? Well not for me. As a lady, the statement made me question the essence of feminism which preaches “equal right for both genders”. But the question is, do feminists actually want equality?

Famous for the #SexForGrades documentary, BBC reporter, Kiki Mordi took to Twitter and responded to Wema Banks newsletter. She tweeted; “So why are you funding the patriarchy? Until we take decisive actions to stop putting our very limited resources into businesses that refuse to be gender-sensitive, we will keep dancing around in circles. #BoycottWemaBank until they apologize to you. Your money is worth respect”

Before now, Kiki Mordi through several tweets and social projects has been tagged as an unapologetic feminist, little wonder why she was able to stir trouble from a supposed harmless tweet. It got me thinking “What exactly do feminist want, equality or superiority?”, I have to ask because the way they get easily triggered is so repulsive.

How do you pounce on a truthful text that reflects the reality of the society we live in? Is the truth that bitter? Women preach feminism yet can’t bear to see the other woman take a step higher than them.  Female bosses continue to make the workspace difficult like they are in a competition of bagging a trophy for the worst boss.

Read: Baby’s Gender! Mere Curiosity Or Culture Oriented?

International Women's Day: 5 feminists on the future of feminism - Vox

You preach feminism when there are still women who indulge their male friends to cause harm or mock a female they don’t like. Like charity begins at home, morals should begin within the female circle first. If you don’t love the woman next to you, If you can’t tell her with confidence and smiles that her speech at the conference was brilliant, if you can’t tell her how gorgeous she looks in that dress, how do you preach feminism when your gender is broken?

Open letter: Feminism isn't just for women - Daily Titan

These women are seeking equality in certain areas whilst oblivious to the rest. If you are seeking equality, you should be able to pay the bills, fix the tyre, secure the house, etc but unfortunately, they only seek equality in the career and social sphere, neglecting the home.

These women seek to be the MD/CEO’s just like the men which are very impressive but what about other areas? I mean, your home!

Referencing what Wema bank said, are mothers training their children to exercise equal rights in the home? Looking at various homes today, although modernized, it’s still the same setting. The boys are allowed to watch TV while the girls are mandated to be in the kitchen because one day they will be married. If equality for both genders will be a reality shouldn’t it like charity, begin at home?

Read: When A Man Finds A Wife; Who Should Be More Thankful?

If we are going to hop on the #eachforequal trend then we must be able to fit into where the men fit into at all levels even paying the bills.

The effects of raising girls and boys differently | The Guardian ...

The truth is, we are created differently with different responsibilities. Even the Bible we reference sometimes does not put the female where the man is supposed to fit in.

As much as we want to be equal, We must not forget the future of the next generation. Are we training them to fight for equality to the detriment of embracing their own unique features? Are we training them to replace good morals with equality?  As we climb the career ladder, the home that forms a nation must never be neglected. #EachforEqual.

3 min read

I have been wondering how possible it was for God to have created the whole universe in less than seven days. Sounds so impossible right? Because up till now, scientists are still uncovering the numerous wonders embedded in nature and they haven’t even scratched the nut yet. 

Also, due to the complexity of the human system, medical doctors get so many new discoveries annually. Just a pinch of sand contains thousands of species of bacteria not to talk of other microorganisms. The air we breath also contains numerous organisms, including the ones we can see and cannot.  

God
Scientists are still uncovering the numerous wonders embedded in nature.
Read: 7 Days Of Creation And Their Most Beautiful Illustrations 

Take a look at the sky at night, you would see billions of shining stars, each of those stars burn gases like the sun which has planets revolving around it. Because they are far away, we can only see them as little twinkling diamonds in the sky. 

God
Little twinkling diamonds in the sky💥

Should we believe that all these were created in six days; each bearing 24hours? Well, I disagree. 

Read: Sundays For Fashion, Not Sermon

2 Peter 3:8 says; “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends, with the Lord, a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day”.

If this is the case, it is logical to say that God created the world in 6000 earth years and rested for a thousand earth years making it a total of 7000 years. 

The book of Genesis was written by Moses, a man who wasn’t present during the time of creation. Safe to say that he wrote it under the divine inspiration of God. 

God
Are you aware of ‘The Beginning’?
Read: When God Takes A Nap

In 2 Timothy 3:16, we read that “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness”...(God’s instruction to Moses inclusive). It could mean that God told Moses the number of days he created the world in the way He (God) sees it and not in the way man sees it.

God
How often do you read your bible?

 Furthermore, it is believed that Jesus died and resurrected about 2000yrs ago which means that in the eyes of God, it’s only been two days ago his son died for the world.

Read: Why Is God Planning To Eternally Tortue Many More?

Don’t you think it would be too early for God to send his son to the world again to take the righteous ones? 

The pain, sorrow and trauma of his son suffering and finally dying is still a fresh wound. If you were God would you allow your son to come back too soon? Perhaps God is waiting for the week to be over so that rapture can take place. 

From my ratiocination, we may have about 5000 more years to go before he sends his son to us again.

 

2 min read

Sometimes do you just feel the need to say NO to someone’s request for a favor, not because it isn’t convenient for you but because you think they deserve to taste the other side of the coin at least once or twice to prevent abuse of certain privileges in the future.

Some friends have this polluted sense of belonging that no matter the level of boundaries one creates, it never applies to them. Well, I like to instill a shocker sometimes, not because they offended me at the moment, but because I don’t want them feeling they have the liberty of eating their cake and yet having it at will.

Read: How To Stop Saying Yes When You Want To Say No

Now watch it when you say no to these folks…as expected they are shocked. Some sort of shock that metamorphoses into silent anger. Before you say jack, they’ve gone all mute on you. There we go again,  some low key bad vibes. Awkwardness begins to play out and when you ask them why they’re tripping, they maintain that all is well. All for a simple no?

Read: How to Say No Without Ever Saying No
 Say No
How I say no smiling

Are they not the ones in your life who should understand more than anyone else and respect your decision without putting a force? So why the sudden friction in communication? Do you know that all the ‘YESes’ you‘ve ever granted them can never make up for this one time ‘NO’? You are automatically on their bad book.

READ: These Rules that Attack our Individuality

I practice the art of saying no sometimes to so-called loved ones. It’s one of the ways I test their genuinity. Saying no doesn’t make anyone a bad person, instead, it makes you a defined person and you don’t have to say no only when it’s an inconvenience, say no sometimes even when convenient, life is not a rose bed after all. Sometimes beat the grass to startle the snakes.

2 min read

Dear Mutterers, it gives me great pleasure to communicate with you all through this medium.  An occurrence has left me shocked for days now and it’s gotten me thinking about how we humans can be though.

So here’s the gist; my supposed “best friend” just gave birth and the funny thing is I had no idea she was even pregnant. So shocking right? Especially knowing we are best friends.

This is someone I grew up with and we’ve strong bonds, although a change of house location created a long-distance we still try to keep in touch and check up on one another often. 

READ: FRIENDSHIP IS A RUSE

On finding out she had given birth, I had to go through our chats to see if there were any loopholes I probably missed but it’s been back to back of enjoyable chats and checking up on one another and not once did she mention the word ‘Pregnancy’. Lest I forget, I got the news of her delivery via her brothers WhatsApp status. Oh my WOW! I looked so shocked and stupid at the same time. 

Some of you might begin to reason, maybe we had a fight or something, but hell No! Nothing of such. I held her in high esteem, I could swear she hadn’t popped her cherry yet. How can someone you love, trust and hold in high esteem do such to you, it then means such a person can hurt you right?

betrayal
Was it shame?
READ: WHEN THEY DONT TELL YOU

Yes, I am happy for her, I mean everyone is happy to receive the news of a newborn but sincerely I’m pained, this is a betrayal.  Pained especially because I had to reach out to her first and say congratulations and she just said “thank you” and locks up like nothing happened or I don’t deserve an explanation and then had the guts to ask when I will be paying her a visit.

Somehow I regret reaching out first only to get such nonchalant response. I should have just laid low and pretended like I saw nothing and wait for her to break the news herself anytime she felt. It’s all good though. It’s a cold world and like the singer, Popcaan said in his track ‘Silence’, “It’s so hard to trust your enemy at the same time, so hard to trust your friend”. Indeed the world is electric, anything can shock you.

READ: HAVE YOU MET THEIR OTHER CLOSE FRIENDS?

Maybe somewhere along the line, I went wrong.  Maybe she never regarded me as a best friend. Been asking myself too many questions, I feel so betrayed or was it the shame of giving birth out of wedlock that made her hide it? how do I solve this? Have you ever been betrayed by a loved one?

2 min read

I do not believe in fixed destinies. I like to believe that God did not write just one straight jacket story about a person, instead, he gave room for instances, thereby allowing us to make our beds ourselves.

I like to believe that when God created us, he designated multiple storylines (scripts) to each person. For certain, we were designed to outlive one of the scripts better than the others. That’s the main script. The main script is usually tagged a person’s destiny because it reflects at least 80% of our existence. It doesn’t mean that God didn’t make room for other scripts in our lives. I call them ‘minor scripts’.  They serve as the backdrops of our lives and although they portray themselves sometimes, they are not as in charge as the main script. 

READ: Seeking Forgiveness can be Exhausting

For example, myself.  I presume God gave me different professions to choose from. He never said I must become a writer, but made provisions for Plan B, C, D or even E to choose from.  I believe he wrote different stories about me in different professions, he must have written a doctor script, tailor script, engineer script, etc. 

Asides professions, he must have written one, two or three scripts about me in different families, schools, countries, with different friends, relationships, etc. 

Another instance… You must have heard of several ‘near death testimonies’, especially in church. In my opinion, they could have died but for the multiple scripts written. God could have written for instance… PLAN A “If Sandra’s journey is delayed by her sister, she won’t be met by an accident”.

PLAN B- “If she’s strong-headed and refuses to be delayed, she will get caught up in it”So you see, its a two-way street.

Image result for confusion

A person is bemused about the right turn to take in their career because they have been living two or more scripts about the same rate.  If you doubt this then how come some people get perplexed about choosing the right career? If we were destined by God to follow through a certain path, then there should be no such thing as confusion. Some people actually don’t know where to pitch their tents because they got more than one talent like Writing, Tailoring, Graphics design, etc. Why  didn’t God give just a talent each? Why do we have to try multiple times before we know where we fit in? 

Sometimes we are confused because we are yet to decide which of the scripts to put in the forefront.

READ: There are Greater sins

But amid all scripts, God definitely has a favourite, little wonder when we pray for his direction he manifests himself, opening our eyes to what he wants. 

I don’t know if you relate? It was awkward writing this. This is one of the many weird thoughts that go on in my head. Have you thought about this before? Share with me in the comment section.

 

2 min read

Every relationship or bond is built on trust, without trust it is invalid. Trust is both an emotional and logical act whether in family, friendship, relationship, business or partnership.

Trust can take years to be earned and only a few seconds to be lost yet it is important for trust to be kept at the forefront of everything.

Heard of the quote ‘Trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller and smaller after every mistake.’

Now my question: Who is trustworthy?

They say time will tell if a person is trustworthy or not. I sometimes concur to the statement.

The only issue with ‘time’ sometimes is the damage that has already been done in a case where it wasn’t worth it after all. I think trust and betrayal are best friends and can’t do without each other.

trust is a better compliment than love
once is a warning, twice is a lesson and anything more than that is simply taking advantage.

Even with siblings where love ought to abound, anything is possible. I’m not saying there aren’t trustworthy people but they are rare. That’s why I say most times that ‘Trust’ is a better compliment than ‘Love’ because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always Love the person whom you trust. 

READ: Trust vs. Love: 7 Truths To Why Trust Is More Valuable Than Love

If you find someone who is trustworthy, hold him/her tight because you have just won a lottery but if that person lets you down more than two times, once is a warning, twice is a lesson and anything more than that is simply taking advantage.

 

3 min read

In a world where the good ones are almost extinct and everyone seems to be looking out for themselves, it’s hard to tell that a good person is actually ‘good‘. 

Paranoia keeps getting in the way; ‘Perhaps she’s faking it’, ‘He feels to good to be true, maybe he’s just after knowing what the cherry tastes like’, ‘Is it not ladies? she’s just after securing the bag and a ring’... and the adjectives keep going on and on.

But are these really our fears? Maybe they make up a fraction of it but what gets the largest share? 

It’s cringe worthy for most of us when we notice a certain ‘somebody’ trying too hard to get close to us. We would nag the hell out of our friends, narrating how this ‘somebody’ calls us at every point of the day, how they meet our needs without hesitation, how they care too much, most importantly how we are fed up of their recurrent goodwill. It’s very appalling, isn’t it? we cannot point out why something good gets us really irritated.

In my head yesterday, I was reminiscing on the really good ones I have met and what went wrong. I realized they fizzled away, they just happened to not be there anymore. It wasn’t that they got tired of being nice, it was because subliminally my entire being became very resistant to all their dose of kindness.

Like the saying ‘You can’t give what you don’t have’, this was different, I wasn’t giving and was also resistant to receive. I realized that we cannot enjoy fully what we can’t give. You might think that you are having a grasp of enjoyment to the detriment of another but your conscience will prick you at every opportunity until you let go.

good people
Not just scared that they might be faking it, but more scared that they are real.

Niceness should not be a social shock but unfortunately, that’s what it has become. That we have been taught there are no good ones on earth except they want something is not enough reason to fight it when it graces our way.

The truth is we are scared. Not just scared that they might be faking it, but more scared that they are real. In fact, we accept they are real but yet push them away because their niceness is a threat to who we are.

READ: Why do people say that “good people don’t last”?

“How can a person be selfless, are you Jesus?” this is me trying to talk the nice ones I’ve met out of it. I give them every reason why they cannot be good or at least should be a mix of both ends. I tell them how I suck at loving just so they leave me the hell alone and when they don’t, I fuel my un-niceness towards them.

I don’t know about you, but the actual truth and what makes up the largest share of my fears is that I know I cannot be as good to them as they are to me. I prefer that they remain at bay now that it’s early before they ask a measure of love I cannot proffer.

I pressure it’s the truth for all of us, we may not know it or refuse to accept it but subliminally this makes up a larger part of our fears in dealing with good people.

 

2 min read

There’s this saying about not taking some friends to where your bread is being buttered otherwise they steal the baker and in the long run, the whole bakery. Well, I don’t know if these are the exact words but I’m sure you understand what I am saying.

I have no fear introducing my friends to anything or whoever I think they can benefit from and if in the process they get better in relating or at it than I am then viola!

Read: Friendship Is A Ruse

You know you can introduce a friend to a forum, an NGO or any of such groups and they get more sunk in involvement than you are? Should it be something to cry about or scream betrayal? Well No! introducing them doesn’t mean they should operate at the same level as you.

Introduce
A true friend will always be excited to introduce a friend
Read: The Walls Dont Have Ears!

People are bound to be better and ambitious, it’s never in a bid to spite another, at least not intentionally. They might end up leading the team while you are still there warming the membership seat. 

Don’t go about throwing tantrums by saying “I brought her here, now she’s trying to be noticed at all cost.” My dear she’s not, she’s just playing her cards to the best of her ability and I suggest you do the same, that’s if it is of candid importance to you.

Read: Wait! Have You Met Their Other Close Friend Yet?

But wait! Here’s where I have an issue. If you met someone through me do not discuss me with him/her, I mean the personal stuff you know about me. If I brought you into an organization, the same applies. It shouldn’t be through you that all other members know about my private life. There are over a million and one things that can be discussed, get along with the whole purpose of your meeting and leave my personal business out of it. Capish?