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I am Muttering

Patchy Reconciliation; Guilt trips wont save you

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2 min read

Just as I was approaching my graduation ceremony in college, I had a serious fall out with a friend, wouldn’t want to go into details but it made us stop talking till date and mind you it’s been over two years as I write. 

Surprisingly, she sent me a text yesterday saying she just lost her dad and asked if I could come for the burial. 

Like helloooo!!! No apologies?  I understand how sensitive it is to lose someone but why text me? so I can offer my condolence and be there for her in any way possible?

But for God’s sake! This is someone who didn’t send me a ‘sorry text’ or asked me how I’ve been faring and viola she plays this card😒.  Leaving her text unattended verifies me as insensitive, I know, but all I can make from this is that she is trying to exploit my humane side for some cheap patchy reconciliation. Some bloody guilt trip!

reconciliation
Never to be caught faking a smile

Why is it hard to admit we are wrong without being melodramatic about it or trying to manoeuvre with guilt trip mechanisms? 

Asides from what my friend did, we humans are naturally this way. A matter that simple “I am sorry” can make well, we wouldn’t bulge but instead, we try to play silly comeback cards. 

READ: Tributes should not be a bed of lies…Stop!

Someone gets your goat and instead of apologizing immediately, waits until it is either your birthday, they are terribly sick or worst of had a near-death experience. They feel wishing you a happy birthday atones for their sins and before you say jack, you have given in to all their nasty smiles again.

READ: If Murder was legal for a day

 If you are guilty of this, stop. In as much as you want sympathy, first, apologize. If you sincerely feel the need to reconcile with someone, you should do so without any leverage to fall back on. Life is not hard😏

Dear friend, if your dad hadn’t died would you have texted me?

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Queen
Queen
7 months ago

You haven’t met the ones that would ignore you for 1year and suddenly remember that there’s something like reconciliation on 31st night/1st January. SMH! I think you should just over look the hurt she has caused you in the past.show your condolences & move on.

Freedom
Freedom
7 months ago

Hmmm…So true!!!
I can relate. Saying a simple sorry goes a long way actually.

Buzu
Buzu
7 months ago

We humans are fond of doing so. Guilt tripping people into forgiving us without making proper/appropriate apologies.
Most times I always want to believe I have a good heart and good intentions towards people so when they hurt me I try as much as possible not to hold grudges and don’t wait for an apology cos then what you don’t expect can’t disappoint you.

Darius
Darius
7 months ago
Reply to  Buzu

Very true.

@solchibuzor
@solchibuzor
7 months ago

The truth is that we find it easy to apologise to folks with whom we have a lot at stake.. Bosses and friendships with uneven benefits, the odd being against us. You see those ones that before we even say “sorry”, they’ve already waived their hands and said “don’t sweat it”… Well these ones we quickly learn to take for granted. I once asked a girl to tell me honestly…that if she had two male friends, and she had to see them at the same time, one very understanding, the other one takes offence very fast, who would she go… Read more »

Darius
Darius
7 months ago
Reply to  @solchibuzor

Interesting.

Jimmy Davidson
Jimmy Davidson
7 months ago

People have different ways of righting their wrongs. It does not always have to be the utterance “I am sorry for so and so”.
Understanding this is a higher level of maturity, and makes one the better person.

Queenie
Queenie
7 months ago

I had a similar situation weeks back. This friend of mine who treated me badly about a year ago called me to seek permission if she could ask my Ex to offer her a job. I only said “Sorry girl it’s none of my business”.

Darius
Darius
7 months ago
Reply to  Queenie

So you still had her number? Wow!

When I fall out with my friends, I delete their numbers.

@solchibuzor
@solchibuzor
7 months ago
Reply to  Darius

Naaaa Darius! If I really like you your number is already stuck in my head, so deleting it doesn’t really make any sense. And yes..why would your number be stuck in my head? You have to be really that important for your offence to really make me want to even delete your number.

Slim.
Slim.
7 months ago

Lol… Odiegwu!!
I will give my condolence but I will not attend the funeral, I will look for an excuse not to show up..

Mykel Oche
Mykel Oche
7 months ago

While you are busy waiting for an apology the other party might think you are the one that is wrong, thus expecting an apology also. Life is too brief to be holding on to grudges. If your friend offends you confront the person and air your grievance insteady of waiting for the person to do the needful

Kenneth
Kenneth
7 months ago

I think maybe people are just busy, it’s the figuring out stage

Obama
Obama
7 months ago

I’ve been through this a lot… And shit hurts each time I remember it cos they always repeat same thing once you accept such manipulation in the name of apology.

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