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I am Muttering

To the One Who doesn’t Pray often, maybe you are like me too…

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To the one who doesn’t pray often, maybe you are like me too…

My lover, My Phone or God

To the one who doesn’t pray often, I am like you too but I don’t know if your reasons are the same as mine or your excuses crosses the line too.

Sometimes it’s not deliberate. Most times I am tired, I leave for work so early and get back so late, all the time my soul is willing but my body is so tired. All the time I am thinking “can he hear my soul speak”? If he can, should I not pray with my soul? But wouldn’t he say that I am lazy to talk to him with my mouth? 

Image result for bedtime and pressing phone
Most times I am tired, I leave for work so early and get back so late

Amid these confrontations, I hear the boring ‘Bzzt Bzzzt! Bzzzt’, it’s my phone ringing, my lover is calling to see if I am home. I take the call and we talk about the most serious and silliest things about our day for almost an hour or more and conclude with our ‘love you’s and byes’

My conscience wakes up, “But God wanted to know how your day went, you said you were tired”. That’s one round of guilt there, so I snuggle some tired prayer. I can barely hear myself talk, how about him? Did he hear a thing I said?

Read: Praying In Public; Panic Attacks!
Image result for bedtime and pressing phone
But instead of carving a little time to pray, I carve some for my phone.

And then I wake up earlier to prepare for work, but instead of carving a little time to pray, I carve some for my phone. I feel the need to catch up on social media and have a good laugh before going to work and when time plays a fast one on me, guilt fills me up. “I should have prayed with this time”, I say with regrets.

But my guilt doesn’t last as I immediately take advantage of Psalm 139, the fact that he knows me so well and sees the intentions of my heart. Since he is abreast, should he be offended?

Guilt And Request

To the one who doesn’t pray often, maybe you are like me too who gets tired of calling on him only when you are in trouble.

We were best of friends while I sought desperately for a job. It was fun, he always told me what to do and my obedience moved like the speed of the wind. Alas, a job came, I had a decent thanksgiving and I sowed a seed that seemed like I was paying him off for his service I won’t be needing anymore. 

Like a cyclone, work activities engulfed my heart so far apart from his. He always tried to reach out, it was either I missed his calls or I take them, telling him to call back later or saying I’ll reach out to him during my spare time. But I never do.

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Now there is trouble in paradise. My job is on the line but my kneels are ashamed to kneel.

I feel ashamed. I am an opportunist, I keep taking advantage of the fact that he is slow to complaints or anger. I can’t pray to him because of the shame.

If he takes my job away, do I deserve it? Will I go back to serve him or be so polluted with hate? I feel so guilty but it fades away slowly as I remember the fact that he doesn’t count our sins against us (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) and so I kneel. But for how long will I keep living this way? How long will I keep hurting him?

Mood Swings And Prayer

To the one who prays only when you are excited or in the mood, we are on the same page too. I am bipolar and that means episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs. That’s me.

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Just like I talk to people when I am excited, I put God in that category too. “He should understand I am not in the mood”, I often say. “If he really wants me to talk with him then he should put me in the mood, after all, he is God“… I challenge.

Just like I don’t know how to talk to friends when I am “not in the mood“, I do the same to him too and I expect that he understands. If he is a friend like we’ve been made to believe, should he be angry? 

Read: ‘Falling Christians’… They Had No Stand!

I am selfish. I expect us to play by friendship on my own terms and this means no matter how long we stay without talking he should understand. And when we eventually talk, there should be no guilt trips.

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What if he makes me dumb or sad forever? Will his actions be justified? As usual, I shove off the guilt the moment I reminisce on Deuteronomy 31:6 which says that he will never leave me nor forsake me. It gives me every right to feel away for as long as I can because I know he will always be there.

Dear God

Dear God, I want to be better at serving you. I try but I falter. I realize I get it twisted, I feel that to serve you so much then you have to give me so much too. We are many on this page who cannot serve you without expecting something in return. And also know very much to call on you only when we are in trouble.

Read: Do You Believe In Destiny Or Multiple Storylines?

I want to serve you with no strings attached, I want to serve you come rain, come shine. I want to serve you in my tired times. I hope I can. I pray I can. 

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But I want to know something, for all the times that I serve you below excellence and with hiccups, do you at least hear me?

To the one who used to not pray often but conquered it, how did you conquer the excuses? how are you not able to take advantage of his love and promises? How do you live above these frivolities and more?

 

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Oreoluwa
Oreoluwa
1 year ago

Times when you wake up at night to pee, times when you just wake up, those are the times I take advantage of to pray, even if it’s just 10minutes, I feel fulfilled. I can’t pray during the day, I have tried , it doesn’t work for me. Concerning the mood swing , those are the times I turn to God, cause he is the only one I really want to talk to, that stillness and peace talking to him is what no human can give me. We all still need help with prayers, I do cause it’s supposed to… Read more »

Amaka
Amaka
1 year ago

Tbvh there is this type of way I feel sometimes, sometimes I feel like I don’t the most when it comes to God but then I sometimes can’t help it. In the end God knows our heart, he sees it
If I am too lazy to pray, I say the Lord’s prayer at least

Mirabel
Mirabel
1 year ago

The Lord’s Prayer was meant to be a guide to praying. Jesus said “Pray in this manner…”. Praying like this only limits the numerous ways we can talk to God. When Jesus often prayed to God, He didn’t pray exactly using the Lord’s prayer. I clicked on this link because I’m just like you too. Sometimes I don’t wake up to pray at night like I used to and there’s the guilt, but I don’t assume that God understands, I know He understands. But to whom much is given, much is expected… So even in my guilt, I talk to… Read more »

Alaere
Alaere
1 year ago

I believe we all or at least a few of us want to live a successful and brilliant life, filled with outstanding results and remarkable accomplishments. For that to happen, you cannot afford to be small in your mind, you cannot afford the excuses of life, slowly putting God last when He should come first. When you have big things to do which we know can only be by His grace and mercy and following every of His rules (if you want an eternal result), you can’t afford to focus on frivolities and mundanities. Indeed, we control our lives and… Read more »

Alaere
Alaere
1 year ago
Reply to  Alaere

Praying shouldn’t be a struggle. It’s the nature of the Christian… It is a way of life. Learn it by giving yourself continually to the spirit of God. It’ll become so east with time, you’ll find yourself praying every time, everywhere.

Obama
Obama
1 year ago

Frankly, one of the many reasons why prayer is a struggle is the fact that we see it as one and that’s basically cos we barely see nor hear who we’re speaking with. Imagine if you opened your mouth one day and said, “Heavenly father” and you hear, “Yes, my child”. We’re taught to believe that he hears us but imagine being in a relationship with someone that barely makes an effort to talk to you. The concept of prayer itself makes it seem like hardwork and I believe prayer is communication and communication is a two way thing. Talking… Read more »

Obama
Obama
1 year ago

You’re welcome, captain. 😉

Tai
Tai
11 months ago

The spirit is one!! This drove me to tears.
We are all caught in this gap.
I think the harder we try, the more uninterested we are. It is supposed to be a way of life, not magic. Life is a process as well as being connected to God. If we leave all to him to take charge, I think he LL lead us home. May God help us all

Stephanie
Stephanie
11 months ago

First of its the thought and consciousness of God that makes him love you but then daily communication makes you hear from and draw nigh to him… but it’s a reprobate mind, one who has no thought whatsoever of him that’s not cool and hence the various evil happening around… this is not to say that one shouldn’t try to commune with God though… a 2min of your time each day and everywhere can go a long way in communing with God… I try as much as possible to do this.

Wana
Wana
11 months ago

This is a beautiful write up. I feel like it’s my inner voice saying these things. Good thing is God is a faithful and forgiving God, and his grace is ever sufficient. This write-up cut deep😔😔

Slim.
Slim.
11 months ago

Hehehe…. The devil is a liar. He knows a prayerful person is a victor. That’s why he uses distraction, sleep, and weakness to make sure you don’t pray so that he can get busy. The thing is it happens to everyone, sometimes you slack, sometimes you get carried away. But just like habit, prayer can be inculcated😎 Tell yourself I will pray 3 or 5 times a day. And count it. No matter how busy your schedule is, pray in the cab, toilet, walk ways, bus, in the office etc. God listens. He knows you don’t have time, but you… Read more »

Bubu
Bubu
11 months ago
Reply to  Slim.

I needed to read this. Thank you 🙏🏽

Amechi
Amechi
8 months ago

I don’t attend church frequently,i don’t even keep up with Sunday service but find time to talk to GOD almost everyday,i try to do it most times before i get up in the morning to do anything so i don’t forget,try getting a daily prayer book it could be from any church you like,another thing i do when i am late or lazy to really pray, i say the lords prayer & the grace, that’s still prayer .

Chika
Chika
8 months ago

The very thought of my shortcomings comes as a huge demoralization for me when I remember I haven’t prayed. I immediatly feel hypocritical. It suddenly becomes a struggle and when u struggle u end up not having the best communication with God.
Thanks all the same for this piece. Tot I was in this boat alone.
Maybe we should see it as it is, “communication”. Which can be done without necessarily closing one’s eyes all the time but can be done while walking or alone.

In all, God understands.

Glad I clicked🙏

Last edited 8 months ago by Chika
Tumde
Tumde
8 months ago

This write up is so me at the moment,when things were rosy I felt it was my doing,my brain and all,praying was not a thing. Sudden loss of job and fallen on trying times,I’m ashamed to even say a word of prayer cos I think the words are not gonna get to him.. I’m trying to get back in the prayer mode,cos its not all about when things are rosy or bad..it’s about Him being God and very forgiven.

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