You see butterflies in my belly, I love them. I love the mystery of what beautiful surprises love brings and when the love turns sour, I find myself still holding on to ‘what’ should have become. I’m holding tight to a lump of hot coal, despite being presented with a choice of ice. When is it too late to say I quit?
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I am a hopeless romantic and also a strong believer in love’s power to conquer all, which is why I have been in “the longest unmarried relationship” known to man. I met B in high school, I was that brute of a prefect while she was the beauty and brains. I had never really taken notice of her in any way except as a classmate, not until the day she cried because of me. Her friends ganged up and made sure I went to the library where she cried and consoled her. At that moment, I did more than consoling, I made promises that no one would ever make her cry again as long as I was around.
B and I became close and as time went by, our closeness blossomed to something of the nature of a boyfriend and a girlfriend. She was my first kiss, my first tight hug, and my first dry hump. She made me want to write poetry. She didn’t care for them, but I wrote anyway. As we graduated high school, she allowed me to call her “girlfriend” but only to her hearing. No one else must know and I didn’t care. I was elated I now had a girlfriend, my first ever.
When Life Takes the Childhood Innocence Away…
You know as we age, we start to see more challenging sides to life, and our childhood innocence gradually fades. We suddenly want to be more and the most unfair side in all is that what might be more to you, might be as insignificant as a grain of salt to another. I’ve been writing since childhood and the zeal accompanied me to adulthood, I wanted badly to now be a professional writer.
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However, B saw this as unambitious whenever I let her in on my fantasy about a cottage on a hill where I’d live and write on paper, and only step out to civilization when I am out of ink or my belly aches for food. She told me if I cared for a future with her I would pursue a more professional course. She told me how she’d want to marry a doctor, but since I have flair for the arts, I should consider becoming a lawyer and without much thought but thinking on the leverage of how much I’ll give to be with her forever, I immediately fell in love with the idea.
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I did my poetic writing on the low, while I wrote jamb for a law degree. But Jamb had a very funny way of giving me below 200 on my scores. B told me I lacked concentrations, and I agree. I didn’t want to be a lawyer but still told myself I could do it so that I could finally win her heart. So I quit writing, left my dream of writing for the screens, and tried Jamb for two years subsequently.
I would always imagine the titles “Barrister and Dr Mrs” and it made me smile deeply. Power couple. Though she didn’t get to be a doctor, she became the next best thing, a Pharmacist. As you might have guessed I didn’t become a lawyer, I did even better, I gave up one creative thing for another. I became a Carpenter.
The Longer You Date, The more Breakups In Between
Folks who have been in a very long relationship can relate to the fact that in between these long years, there are usually break-up and makeup phases. B and I for one silly reason or the other usually took a lengthy break from each other.
Amid our breakups, I dated a few girls and she dated a few boys, even kissed some that I knew of. She stayed a virgin, a promise to herself. I lost mine over and over again. On one of such makeups she found that I wasn’t a writer no more but now a woodworker (carpenter). She was disappointed! She didn’t take it well, and when she is mad you’d know. It takes me weeks to heal from her spoken vexations. They are usually venomous but she often means well. However, she told me I could still make it as a lawyer, I was selfish enough to promise I’d become what she wanted. While waiting to become what she wanted, she’ll always get angry whenever I addressed myself as a carpenter and often told me to address myself as an “interior designer” for status sake. But I never listened so it made us drift often.
A Merry-Go-Round Proposal
After 7 years of on and offs, with her pushing me to “better” myself career-wise, I proposed the first time, she said I wasn’t ready. Of course, I wasn’t, I still lived at my mum’s. I proposed the second time, she said despite having an apartment and a few contracts now, that it wasn’t enough, adding that I needed serious job security. She offered to pay for my tuition to study a more serious course that could earn me more money. I declined because I am too proud to accept that in my financial state and then what if I don’t give her the life she wanted.
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So we broke up and made up, yet again. Finally, I agreed, I would quit this thing that I love (carpentry), and leave the country with her and be just what she wants. Half of me wanted this because most of me wanted her, she encouraged me and told me it was for the best.
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Yet again I proposed this time with a bigger stone. I made sure my right knee did the needful, while I balanced myself on my left knee too. She cried, held my face as I looked at her smile washed down by her tears. And her words were filled with deep emotions as she spoke to me. “I have waited for so long for you to do this right, but I am sorry, others already did it right”.
I was so hurt, I got up not knowing how to feel, and as I was about leaving she held me and said “Please don’t go. I am not saying yes neither am I saying no. I am so confused right now, please give me time to pray. Please I beg you, I need just three months to pray”. My feelings defeated, I agreed and left her.
An Overdue Prayer Session and a Precious to Behold
Three months turned to four months, four months turned to lock down, everybody became busy trying to stay alive. A year and two months after my B began to pray, and one day off the blues she chatted me up and said “God said it’s you!”
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I was so excited that I forgot I was broke, how was I to even begin to cater for a wedding? Stupid right? I love B so much and even more despite the long cold wait. I told her I wasn’t financially ready for a wedding and she was angry but gave me time to put my shit in order. Finally, I gathered and ordered the marriage list, but before I could go pick it, came Precious.
Precious is young, beautiful, intelligent, soft-spoken, and admires me. More importantly, she is so in love with my carpentry and asks me not to change for anyone. In a month of knowing her, she has looked up ways that I can become a better carpenter and it is paying off. She asked me herself if I would marry her, and in something that feels like double jeopardy, I said YES YES YES!
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She wakes me up with prayer messages to remind me that I am more than enough and what exactly she prayed for. I know it’s short timing, but within it, I have felt a kind of love I have never felt before. Love devoid of begging but cherishing. Someone who loves me for me and not the idea of what more I can become. It’s opened my eyes to how much pain I endured with B and I don’t think I want to go feel such pain again.
Bear in mind that B rejected my proposal three times, now she’s crying her heart out, saying I am ruining us, especially now that she has told folks that she is gonna be my wife. While Precious tells me that I am the best thing since jollof rice and treats me in ways I have always begged for but never received. I am torn between my promises of a happy ever after to B and a hunger for what Precious feeds me every day.
I finally opened up to B about Precious and she’s been pleading for another chance to make things right. Dear Mutterers, I am so confused. I need your candid advice on what to do. Please leave me your honest comments 👇👇
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Hmmmmmmm this story had me breathing deep sighs while editing. It is well o🥲. Hey Mutterer, If you were in his shoes, what’s the ultimate step you’d take. Try to fix things with B? Or run with the peace Precious provides? Or shey make both of them getaaaaatttt 😂😂😂😂? Pardon me, I had to infuse a comic relief cause the story is so intense.
So what do you say???? Remember no opinion is trivial just in case you’re feeling there’s no need for you to comment. Every opinion counts here! Please leave your comments, T for THANKS 💋
Hmmmm this life no balance at all
Actually B didn’t undergo any prayer session to finally pick the guy she was busy looking for greener alternatives to him. Who knows may be she couldn’t hold what she wanted decided to just manage him for time been coz this type of women can decide to leave at any fucking time once they get what they wanted. He should just open his eyes to reality and go for what his heart desire most.
This life no balance at all
Thank you!!! And let’s now imagine within that year she got what she wanted. A man that checked her list. I’m not sure she’ll be respectful enough to tell him to move on. She’ll probably leave him in the dark.
My thought too
You just spoke my mind, she didn’t pray the first time she rejected him till the third time. Then it took her eternity to respond ”God said it’s you”, haba she should fear God Nah. The was no prayer made, that I can say. She’s just using the guy as a safety pin, someone she can fall back to when others fail.
😭😭😭😭 @safety pin…
It’s like when people say “Don’t bite the finger that fed you”, this believe ropes people into blind slavery even when the finger pokes their eyes. In his case, she doesn’t even feed him, but he’s hopeful for a certain love from her, a love she has never shown the tendencies to deliver. Both of them are in love with the ideas they have of each other. B has no real love to give but he is bent on receiving a type of love from her. B on the other hand is in love with what he can become in… Read more »
Wowww!!! I love the angle you took in relaying your opinion. You’re on point, as much as we’re all on B’s throat, he’s also guilty of wanting what she cannot offer, which is loving him. Thank you for this eye-opener 👌🏿👌🏿
What’s your brand?
How many wraps of fufu?
Onugbo or Oha Soup?
This is just on point
😂😂😂 let me pick Oha for her lol
You get the love you believe you deserve.
DON’T CRUCIFY B JUST YET! I have read many of the comments and I can understand where our hearts are. We simply don’t like to see people being maltreated, especially nice enough people. However, I also remember many folks when they receive accolades, turn to their mother/father/mentor/wife and say with an appreciative smile THANK YOU FOR PUSHING ME..THANK YOU FOR NOT GIVING UP ON ME. If these same folks were to play a video tape of their lives to you, you’d witness disagreements, fights and querells all in the process of that PUSHING. B must have kept her eyes on… Read more »
Hmmmmm I think I love this devil’s advocate lol 😎😎. Many things definitely played in the background and like a friend pointed his reaction to this story via VN saying that there are three sides to it. His, B’s and the truth. Opining that the writer coloured his narrative with his emotions and not objectively. He added that B obviously has seen the potential of the writer and wants him to be better, which is also a sign of love. In all these, I feel if B deployed a different and more sensitive approach, it would make sense. Thank you… Read more »
Your friend is very wise.
Wow. Wow. Wow
I’m speechless. Dear writer, it’s a tough spot to be in, but I think the easy choice is to pick yourself. When you pick yourself, put yourself first, you’d end up picking who will make you a better person. I think you already know who you want deep down, go with your instincts. But I’m team #Precious
Love and Light💓
Hehehehehe so it’s football season here lol. I wasn’t informed but I guess it’s not too late to wear my jersey lol🤾♀️🤾♀️
I agree Pretty Anon, such tough spot mehn, thank you for this 💋
First and continuous impressions matter. B seems almost like she wants him to live his life up to her standard and that’s the only way she can really get to love him well. If they eventually ever marry, that attitude from her will continue one way or the other. He’ll be in a marriage where he will always want to impress the girl with any/whatever she wants and he’ll end up NOT living his life basically.
He should pursue PEACEEEEEEE. he has to pursue the future that believes in him with every energy in her system(PRECIOUS)!!!
PEACEEEE IN EXCESS!!!! Yeah I also think her attitude is suppressed for now because it seems like he’s getting his shit together. Most likely trying to rope him again before she releases her ugly side for the umpteenth time.
Thank you Melody❣
Dear young man, please can you move on with your life already? I got very upset reading this story and when I thought your mumu don do, I saw give me three months to pray. The God I know does not leave his subjects hostage in wait for answers for three mmonths. It’s an abuse of Christianity. And your mama even took more than a year, pure wickedness. The time you were waiting was the best time to walk away but you still loved her. No be juju be this?🤣🤣🤣 She has been selfish from the beginning. Sees you as… Read more »
Heheheheh @no be juju be that lol😅. One year of wait, what happened within these one year, did she say?? Most likely she went on an adventure of trial and error. Well what do I know 🧐
Admin you’re right, I’m a lady and she did trial and error. Dated a few and realised that no one can love her like this dude. Now she is doing pity pity 😂😂😂
Playing the pity card wins sometimes lol, we’ll see where this leads😄
I think he should go for Precious cos she made him a better person, supported his dreams and career while B is a selfish person who only thinks about herself and doesn’t care about the guy’s feelings and career. I’m sure deep down B will still be a having a second thought that ‘how can she settle for a carpenter guy’. B only agreed to marry him because he his her last option. Well that my own little cent. Good morning
Yeah yeah it’ll always cross her mind that she’s to wed a carpenter. Or did she suddenly wake up to fall in love with his profession?🧐
What a story! B seems to be someone who wouldn’t give you peace of mind. If you eventually get married to her, she will be demanding more from you and you’d be living your life for her. My brother, meeeuve ahead and choose peace of mind. Who even needs three months to pray to God and in the process subject another person to bondage?
I’m actually surprised he waited for her despite that it elongated to one year plus. Shows he really loves her, but sadly it’s not being reciprocated🥲
Unrequited love = Pain of inestimable proportions! 😭🤦🏻♂️
#WeMove, regardless ✊🏼🚶🏽♂️
I think you have made the decision unconsciously… The latter makes encourages you to pursue your own dreams and aspirations while the former wants you to be what she wants.
Be with who makes you happy and helps you become a better person.
Yeah right!!! Sometimes we just need that push to make the right decision. We know it’s the right thing to do, we just aren’t brave enough. Thank you ❣
Haaaa me I was like Which kain! When I saw a snippet of this story on whatsapp but reading the story in full and trying to fit in the shoes of the writer I realized sometimes this shit happens. For some reason I think the writer feels indebted to this B because of the promise he said he made to her in secondary school to never see her cry as long as he is there with her. From his story he did not have self-worth except with this B and it made her push him around to be what she… Read more »
Hmmm I love your take on this especially where you pointed out that he’s likely to make the same mistake with Precious but in the opposite. I’ve see things like this happen, a quote that describes it well enough is “once bitten, twice shy”. Some people’s way of healing from past hurt is to be very hostile to likely situations or anything that reminds them of it. The break you suggested is infact necessary but I don’t think he’s bold enough to do so. He’s been yearning for a type of love, now that he’s found it, he’ll want to… Read more »
This is so beautifully put. It is so easy to ruin what could be because of what was. We don’t often accept we are damaged till we damage others.
Alister…this is not even the full story!… believe you me…it actually didn’t go half way…but what can I say…love is truly blind…deaf and dumb to some!
…….like it was to me……….blind, deaf, dumb, painfully handicapping….
Peace of mind first.
Pursue who gives u that nna m. Lol
Buh frs, pursue who gives u that.
It’s obvious you can’t live up to the ist lady’s standard. Give up!
😄😄😄 the only time where giving up is legal lol
You saod this “give up!” so loud that I heard the sound.
I dey tell you 😂😂
This story is more like mine except that I have not meet precious , Uju ,Ngozi or which ever one am still going to meet .
I must tell you is a tough call and I understand 💯 how you feel,I will not guarantee you that Precious is the one but I must tell you B is definitely a NO No .
I pray I have the Boldness to make my own tough decision when time comes
Hmmmmm sorry you have to go through similar and if I must say, there’s no specified right time to make this type of decision. It’s better to nip in the bud. In all, I hope you find the courage ❣
Meanwhile I love the sound of “returning reader” lol, thank you 😍😍
When the time comes
The strength will come
Along with the time.
This might just be the wake up call you need.
Dear writer, I feel you, because I have been there too. Serving others, being selfless, being responsible, sacrificing yourself for your loved ones seems to be default settings for you. There is a lot of growth for you to do, a lot of redefinition. I think you need to learn to love yourself, to redefine love, marriage, wedding, what makes you a man. The better choice i see: go solo for a while, and love yourself. Be selfish alot. No girlfriend. Maybe a sex buddy. The good choice i see: Steel your heart, ask for a break with B, align… Read more »
@desperate ex🤭🤭. Someone once told me the best way to break free from a tormenting relationship is to get a third party (Precious in this case) to help fuel the desire to break ties. Your comment confirms it lol😄
Yeah frankly it’s a risky ordeal promising Precious marriage at this time. If Precious is reasonable, she’ll know enough to be patient. Thank you for this insight Jay 👌🏿
Is it really the best way to break up? That is open to debate though.
😆😆😆 different strokes for different folks
This is one of those stories that gets me mad, but I’ll try to remain calm, composed and controlled throughout my comment. Be you own mental point of origin. This simply means put yourself first and do not self deprecate/depreciate. The burden of performance placed on you to be B’s subservient has a horrible ROI. Her nature (facilitated by hypergamy and solipsism) is unforgiving. You have proposed twice, both of which were rejected, a woman in love with you cannot wait to be your wife. She’s dated other guys, who to her are supposedly better than you, while still stringing… Read more »
The last lines cut deep. I hate promises, I am not flattered when people make promises to me, and I can never make a promise to anyone. Not even my child. Life happens and I wouldn’t want to find myself to indebted to anyone because I said some words of affirmation.
Some people are so emotionally dependent that it blinds them badly to see even when it cuts their own skin. The heart wants what it wants normal level but what if what it wants doesn’t want it?
You’ve spoken well Pain, we can only hope that he listens 😓😓
This is PAINful but true.
Let B go sha
Tell her you want to talk to God too
God wants you to be happy
Then he sent you peace of mind in human form…
Let Peace reign…
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you are savage. @talk to God too.
Meanwhile long time Akudo, have you been well?😄
I’m fine o
Hope you’re good too
Have a lovely weekend
Good to know dear and thank you for checking too. I like to believe I’m just surviving too 😆
Dear writer Personally I think she took one year plus to reply your proposal(mind you the third proposal oh)because she probably tasted the bitter truth from other guys and realized the value of all you’d been giving and rather than admitting she sneaked back in saying God said it’s you,come on a year plus she was asking God, Looool if she got a job offer for ten million dollars I’m sure God wouldn’t take up to a year to respond especially when the organization says they need a reply in about two weeks,trust me God will reply in two days!… Read more »
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 bottom line, why should he choose a woman who God takes forever to answer her prayers when he has one that God answers faster 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The Job example is so on point. She wouldn’t even wait two weeks to signify readiness, 😂😂😂😂
Dude I can totally relate…..
The one year and two months prayers got me laughing real hard.
Getting married to B is a death sentence I. M. O
You have a good woman in Precious
Dude you should let the heavy baggage go…
That one year part is both ridiculous and the comic relief🤭🤭
She definitely explored….
He was just waiting
Yet full of hope
B gat ballz of steel
WTF @balls of steel 😂😂😂😂. Well his long wait proves that his intention is genuine 😊
I totally agree with you…
The truth is we accept the love we think we deserve
Yeah right 👌🏿
Uhmm, I definitely can relate. Bro needs to be real with himself. It’s a painful choice he has to make but I would say if anyone encourages you to be yourself rather than trying to change you to the kind of person they want. It leaves much to think about. Also, not all relationships however long wll lead to marriage. Know this and know peace. The relationship with B was/is designed to help the writer discover himself. Now that he’s found himself, unfortunately, it is time to move on. I would want my spouse to be better but I have… Read more »
“The relationship with B was/is designed to help the writer discover himself.” this words remind me of a tweet I came across today, which stated that something not working in a person’s favor is also an advantage. They not getting married might equally be to the advantage of B also. It only takes time to discover.
Yeah yeah, I agree, thread carefully with Precious, because the beginning is always sweet lol😊
Omo ! Its really an unbalanced life . The funny thing is there is probability that precious changes to be worse than B in marriage and high possibility that B becomes worse . See ill advice the guy prays too for B to say God said he is the one then he should let God speak to him too
Heheheeheh let’s kuku take the matter to God too lol. Yeah right! Aunty P could flip the script for worse but nah let’s not dwell on it but stay faithful for him🤞🏿
Matters of the heart. Not as easy as it seems.
Dear Mutterer, you’ll think the love and patience you have for B would be enough for a future together.
It’ll get worse. You’ll stop breathing. You know what to do.
IT WON’T!!! Then it will be rather too late to pull away😔
Not as easy at all joor.
In other words, he will CHOKE from a restricted airflow! Hahaha
😂😂😂 you all brought your comic skills to the table right!!
I am just reading the full story here and I am like, “Whaaaaaaaaat!!! I am putting this like, if this were to happen to my brother and he comes to tell me this…first thing is to go and wash his head at the beach…salt water dey epp brain small small😔 There is something about being you and having peace in all you do. Madam B is selfish and doesn’t want peace for you, Poster. Kilode! I am sure she would want your head on the platter next cos I am not understanding all these one. Seven years of merry-go-rounding over… Read more »
As much as I’ve tried to remain calm attending to all these comments, you people have a way of making me laugh with your remarks. @salt water helps the brain?? 😂😂😂😂 after this I’m running to Google cause I Kent 😭😭
@the emphasis on alive 😭😭😭, I felt the emotions in your comment but more of comedy 🤭🤭. I found myself holding back laughter as I read your reaction 🤭🤭
Thank you Dangem❣
In all honesty, I held back my emotions and had to put up the whole comedy thing…there are many ways that women ruin men’s ego thereby reducing them to nothing…all in the name of “I don’t know”
Cos what does B want from our poster? She ain’t loyal. If she sees a lawyer this night, she would not just ruin the poster’s heart but destroy him.
Is Madam B’s father a lawyer? Nonsense!!! She better go to the court and find her soulmate…hian!
@soul mate in court 😂😂😂😂. I have nothing against people having a standard, as a matter of fact, everyone should. What I have a problem with is her trying to remould another’s to suit hers.
@remoulding another’s to suit hers…that’s Self in its full glory, No Love/ absolute NOTHING!
Baba, if anyone’s stranded here, it’s definitely you, not her. Left for me, I go tok say your village ppl de play ludo on top ya head 😂. I have this funny quote that says, “marry a woman/man who loves you for who you are and not for what you have. But then, who the heck are you sef?” A serious question to ponder on. No one knows it all, but then, the signs have been there all along that B apparently only loves you for what you might have (a law certificate and lots of money in the bank).… Read more »
Hmmmm Skola Skola😎😎… I love the point of desperation that you raised. Precious might be desperate for marriage and playing the good card until she gets what she wants. Hmmmmm… but we can’t say for now 🤨🤨
Yeah I agree, he’s more stranded than B. B is only crying over spilled milk. If she finds a good way to pack it back in the can, she’ll be back to flying her true colors.
Meanwhile in my opinion, maintaining ties (friendship) with B is a bad idea. It’ll lead to unnecessary emotions and that’s bad for his thought and choice processes.
I suffered this kind of treatment too o. My friends warned me and it fell on deaf ears. My parents warned me and it fell on deaf ears. Till the day she finally found option B and walked away, breaking up on the phone. Took me a while but things are looking good. I’d therefore advise the writer to follow his peace, build other sources of income, do what makes him.happy and make Precious happy too.
😓😓😓 I can imagine how devastated you were. The thing about advices is that the receiver most times feels that the ones not in his favour are entirely bad. For instance when I’m given an advice that is not in line with what I love to hear, I always make remarks like “You all don’t know this as much as I do”…”ooo no, you’re getting it wrong, he’s not as bad as you think” blah blah… Yes they might not have a personal rapport or knowledge with the person or situation you’re advised on but one thing is certain, the… Read more »
B never loved him, he has always been a plan B for her right from the start, first the relationship was hidden till much later when she feels she won’t be embarrassed to be associated with him. Then she was always trying to change him to match her personality, if they get married that marriage kolewerk because the guy will always feel less of himself. He should jejely waka pass constant rejection into the ”Precious” hands of the other lady. Las las the decision is His.
I feel you😅😅😅, at the end of the day, all we can give is advice jare. Baba will still settle for his heart desires. I really hope he chooses wisely 😔
A touching story.
Marriage is not relationship where you make up and break up on and regular. It’s better you walk out of this now because B would definitely torture you with the life would have been better with the professional whatever. Precious have given you more than B have, to me B have been selfish and self centered not considering what you want. Please muveee
Operation muveeeeee!! 😂😂😂
Which advice again nah?
Precious is your wife Jare.
See, most of the beautiful wives you see today were sweethearts of some careless boyfriends; and many successful husbands were hijacked from some beautiful but careless babes.
So, it’s not a big deal and there is no reason to be confused.
Don’t worry, B will get over it and life will be beautiful for every body.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 ire oooo… you’re so certain about Precious lol
There’s the old saying, story has 3 sides; Person A, Person B and the truth. Not taking anything from the writer’s narration, but emotions tend to form the direction in which a story is told or narrated. I say this because, seeing or wanting more for a person is also a form of love. Just it has to be done in moderation, not to overwhelm the person or to learn to also love the person for who they are. Also, making the decision of who you plan to spend the rest of your life is a very important decision that… Read more »
Fresh perspective!👌🏿 Having a standard is never a bad idea, but from how the writer explained, it seems like her approach for him to become better is a burden.
If only we can hear her side of the story though. It might be that she’s oblivious on the effect it has on him. Sometimes people hurt unintentionally, if you don’t call their attention, they’ll never know what they’re doing wrong.
“precious” !!!! With every fibre of your being. B tried to build you up to her dreams while precious tried to build you up to your own dreams. Precious loves and accepts you for who you are and not who she wants you to be.
Precious for President!!!💃💃
[…] Read: A Merry Go Round Affair; Should I Leave Her Stranded Now? […]
His choice is simpler than he thinks. You have a lady who accepts you as you’re and motivates you to be a better version and you have another who wants to conform to certain standards.
Lol ain’t it easier to say this when we are not the one’s in the situation? 🤭