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Romance With My Math Teacher…I Was Only 14!

Writer- Anonymous
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7 min read

Each passing day, all I have left are the trails of the event, not how it started. It all made sense now what my dad said about “enemies lurking in the courtyard and perpetrators being your close ones”. It took me 7 years to realize I held myself hostage for a crime I did not commit. I beat myself up emotionally for failing when I did not know better.

There was this wave of adulthood I felt and I was barely 14. I became really guarded and secretive. I wanted to prove myself worthy of love. I was hungry for affection and Care. I needed someone to call my own. Guess it’s what they often say about the odds of being birth in a polygamous family; mine was built by an aging father. My ever-busy mum had just me and my introverted sister in a colony where everyone fought for themselves. I was alone, trying to navigate the sharks and perks of teenagehood. One thing was non-negotiable for my sister and me; quality education and I compensated by excelling in everything except mathematics. Getting a tutor for extra maths classes was the best move for my parents but the beginning of my woes.

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romance with my teacher

AN ANGELIC DEMON

Dreaded by all,  good with words but better with the whip…although deficient in looks, his genius brain was a glory to behold. He was a science teacher in my school, very charming in a weird way every girl would kill for a spot at his table. My smart mouth and my mother’s money secured me one and alas, he became my tutor in mathematics. The formulas remained a difficult nut to crack for my brain but the more I deteriorated in comprehending, the more he was relentless in making sure it sank. He listened, he cared not just about my academics but my wellbeing. He asked my opinion on things, was bothered if I had eaten, helped shape my dreams, and importantly, made me believe I was worthy. He was everything my parents were not. Before long, I fell helpless in love or better still in romance with him, my maths tutor. I was 14!

Read: From Abuse to Addiction

His favorite place was the science laboratory except he was parading to lay hold of a scapegoat roaming the corridor (You know how it is in secondary schools). I was not in science class but I stayed in the lab even more than the keeper. School usually closed at 4 pm after which I’ll start my extra class by 4:30 pm with a junior male student whose class ended by 6:30 pm while mine continued. 

romance with my maths teacher in the lab
Source- Vox

Like I mentioned at the beginning, I have no vivid memory of how the romance with my teacher blossomed into light, I just found myself in the mix of getting bewitched by his charms which I always enjoyed. Mathematics was hard but there was something about him that made failing really nice. I did not get better at solving maths problems but I looked forward to his soothing caress after every failed attempt. He scolds me, I shed a tear or more and he brings me close, and hugs me really tight. He smelt really good then but picking up the smell now makes my head swim. He was good at scolding yet made me feel good at the same time. Before I knew it, we’ll start kissing, he’ll fondle my tender breasts and subdue my mouth with his extra full lips while his tongue went down my throat and his finger worked my clitoris. 

HE UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT

I always felt shrills down to my feet. He knew when and how to touch me and likewise tutored me how to fondle his penis instead of holding the lab cabinet while I moaned gently in the dark with no one in sight. One creepy occurrence was when my eyes caught the lab skeleton in a corner with its jagged jaw. It felt like it wore this look of surprise and sorry for me at the same time. How did I become this? How did my parents trust me to be in the care of a man all for learning the wheels of mathematics?

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teacher molesting student
Source- Voices of San Diego

Our romance continued for a long time. He knew how to play the part; my sweet romance partner at night and the no-nonsense science teacher during the day who beats me harder than others if the need arises. It might seem one cannot keep up an act for too long. The walls started to talk, words flew among my classmates and even some teachers started to raise their eyebrows but no one dared say it out loud. After all, I was the well-behaved brilliant student and he was the good teacher. Every night, we continued on the same dose, except on weekends or days when he had to be in church or had another engagement. And those days made me long for him more. I was too obsessed, I couldn’t bear missing a turn.

 

BLIND MUM, PARANOID DAD… YET I SUNK

My mother was too blinded by my “supposed improvement” in mathematics to entertain any weirdly connected dots but my father had his reservations and swore to my mum he would kill him if he found out he had ulterior motives. My dad’s intuition is hardly wrong, safe to bank on, it always felt like jazz (vodoo) only that this time, the hints were not generous enough to show themselves. In order not to feel like the overly suspicious one, he made less noise about it.

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I kept on enjoying the embrace of my beloved maths teacher. On some days, he apologized after long hours of romance and rambled about how we are so caught up in a ‘bad mix’ but he never stopped. At every slight opportunity, he either stole a quick kiss or fondled my breast. He made me feel special and worked my body in certain ways that caressing no longer did it for me. I wanted more and I started begging for sex but he wouldn’t budge, maybe he was too scared to. I decoded he felt I was too young, so I made it a habit of promising him my virginity after I left secondary school.

 

THE LONG GUILT DESPITE BREAKING THE OBSESSION

I graduated and passed mathematics successfully and our abysmal romance continued but I would say I made that choice because I was already 18. Slowly I started to embrace the world and got butterflies for teenage to teenage love and thus ventured into a relationship that led to a fast death of my romance with my maths teacher.

breaking free from molestation

I have flashbacks and most times, I wish it never happened. He was my shepherd but he failed at caring properly for his sheep. Gaining knowledge of several experiences and reading about pedophilia makes me cringe. Despite working on accepting my past completely, it’s tough to forgive myself. I confronted him for taking advantage of me which he admitted to and apologized. Before then, He tried to pass the blame but I was firm in stating my case. “Yo, I was barely 14 when it started. I can’t remember how it started but I am sure I did not engineer it”. Even if I did, should a grown man accept the advances of a minor? Shouldn’t he have punished me severely and reported me to the school and my parents? But No, unbeknownst to me, what I cherished was birthed out of ignorance by a man exploiting my dysfunctional childhood. 

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I think I heard remorse in his tone but people can fake everything. I had to pretend I fully believe he’s deeply sorry so I could maintain my sanity. Looking back, he had a lot of girls around him, he probably did the same thing to them, though he made me believe he didn’t. I am working on accepting my past completely. I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten. Unfortunately, I still trust men, for someone who went through a lot with one, I thought a better one would have been compensation but I guess I am not just lucky with them lol.

childhood trauma
Source- Additude

How does one deal with childhood guilt that manifests itself even more especially with similar cases hitting the news daily? It’s like having to stitch a wound and having to reopen it recurrently against your will. Every time I hear a case of pedophilia/ molestation, a part of me breaks. A lot of us have a dark room shut in our hearts, we hope that it remains shut forever, but the mere thought of knowing the room exists is tormenting.

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Do you harbor a dark room too? Could be one that laid its foundation since your childhood or maybe recently. Would you share just like I’ve shared? Have you forgiven yourself? I decided not to abandon the business of living because of my past. I have summoned the courage to say my story. I hope one day, I attach a name to it. More importantly, I hope it encourages you to let go. Let’s talk about these skeletons… Also, what do you make of my experience? Would you have played the cards differently in my shoes? I’ll appreciate your comments below 😪👇👇.

 

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muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago

Anon’s story brings to mind a series of unforgiven circumstances we’ve found ourselves in at some point in life. Childhood trauma especially, one you cannot relay to anyone because of the fear of being cast away. All these we’ll be discussing in this comment section. Did anything occur in your life that makes you nurture guilt? One that messes you up most times you feel unworthy? It’s time to let go! Also, what are the lessons you learned from reading Anon’s story? Do not hold back, let’s discuss at length Mutterers❣.  Kindly share the flier below alongside the link to… Read more »

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Zitaaa
Zitaaa
1 month ago

First of all, I got the first comment 😂 Baby girl, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this, it’s painful and I hope u get over it eventually. Speaking up bout it is actually a hugeeeee step and if no one else is proud of that fact, trust me I am😚. Parents Sha should learn to pay attention to their children, even when they don’t talk. And to think sooooo many others has gone through this same shii buh can’t come out to speak about it is disheartening… PS: I love the fact you still don’t believe… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Zitaaa

Hehehe @first commenter 😆. Thank you for the encouraging words Zitaaa, I hope we all can learn from this story to be more vigilant parents even when there are no strange hints.

Ps. Who told you men are not scum? 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Zitaaa
Zitaaa
1 month ago

Men are not scum oooo😂😂
Well, most of them are buh they’re still good ones out there… You just have to kiss many frogs before you meet ur prince if you’re not soooo lucky🤣🤣🤣

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Zitaaa

Okurrr👩‍🦯👩‍🦯

Mojisola
Mojisola
1 month ago
Reply to  Zitaaa

The frog part. I can relate mehn

Freerange
Freerange
1 month ago

Are men scum?

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Freerange

😂😂😂 I wouldn’t know lol

Isaac Andrew
Isaac Andrew
1 month ago

Hey, we are all (both men and women) scumbags in our ways, just look for the bag with the less scum… 😂

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Isaac Andrew

😂😂😂😂

Ebuka
Ebuka
1 month ago
Reply to  Zitaaa

Frogs…lol.

Problem is one woman’s frog is another woman’s Prince charming.

People chill and act really nice around people they truly cherish, and if they stop acting really nice know that the frog has returned to the slum..scum.. his krokrokrokro. And if you don’t want to kiss spunk, pick your kaya and scamp.

Last edited 1 month ago by Ebuka
muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Ebuka

🤣🤣🤣🤣

No Name
No Name
1 month ago

Something happened in my childhood too, not one that escalated though but I still reminisce on it and play certain images in my head.  It was during catechism and one of these brigades asked why I wasn’t wearing my scarf. I held it and was innocently playing around the church with some other kids. He called me to a corner and was helping me with it. He started stimulating my pelvic at intervals and frankly, I felt the urge too. Yes as a kid, I felt sexual urges too. The guy went on and on and ideally scarf tying for… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  No Name

Hmmmmm seems like there are many preying adults in every corner, God help us 🤨.

I am sure he felt you were ignorant of what he was doing but you could feel it. Glad it didn’t exceed that one time. Thank you for sharing ❣

Seyi Vandy
Seyi Vandy
1 month ago

It’s sad really. The system allows predators to hide in plain sight, as abusing power or position is already a norm in Nigeria. Really sorry for your experience

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Seyi Vandy

“PLAIN SIGHT” and roaming with impunity. I can imagine if she takes this up and how the narrative will be flipped. It’ll be a case of “after all she didn’t refuse him” 🤨

Ebuka
Ebuka
1 month ago

Whatever your early sexual experiences are often has a way of affecting your intimacy decisions even as a grown ass adult. When i was in secondary school, i found that the most sexually curious students were also the most intelligent, so you weren’t so different, but they didn’t have your maths teacher fortunately. Someone once asked me what love is and i responded thus; “i don’t know what love is, but i know what it isn’t. And if I deduct all that it isn’t, hopefully what remains is what love is”. I cannot imagine to know what you’ve been through… Read more »

Last edited 1 month ago by Ebuka
muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Ebuka

You’re right, especially the part where you said “many would still be living with the impression that it was the best time of their lives.” For example, I’ve met men who brag about their childhood sexcapades with older aunties. They say it opened doors for them to be experts in bed but it baffles me how they cannot see that they were abused. Thank you Ebuka ❣

Castroy
Castroy
1 month ago

This topic is a very sensitive one and so many people have faults here. Firstly parents, they should try to build a bond with their children, be their children’s best friend. I have seen this in numerous ways and could have been that teacher if not personal decision and self discipline. During my nysc, I was posted to a public school where they don’t pay us. My experience with girls there is story for another day, the koko here is the home lessons I was doing. I was only taking the last born a 7yrs old boy and during holidays… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Castroy

Whew!! Must have felt like walking on egg shells😪. Self control can be hard really, asides that, I can imagine if you were a guy who has had several rejection from your female peers only to find this opportunity on a platter. I bet you would have jumped on it. I read somewhere that most adults who take advantage of children experience rejection from peers, hence my analysis.

I’m glad you handled it properly, at some point she will look back and be grateful.

Mojisola
Mojisola
1 month ago
Reply to  Castroy

We need more of older men like this and less of the “she wanted it”.

Nkechi
Nkechi
1 month ago

I had a similar experience while growing up and all I can say is I think I see it a little differently,what he did was wrong yes but then I accepted it too I’m sure if I had refused he wouldn’t have forced me,I was well aware of what I was doing and the fact that it was wrong I wasn’t a child,young yes but not an ignorant naive child so I take responsibility for what happened as well. At first I did blame him but I asked myself am I blaming him for the action or for his age?… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Nkechi

Hmmmm thank you for opening up Nkechi❣. While I wouldn’t fight you for sharing the blame, I’ll say that adults should know better. It’s just like a kid who keeps asking his mum for sweetners and the mother keeps giving. If the child develops diabetes, fatty liver disease or one of such related diseases, who do you blame? The mother who ought to know better to have refused or the child who didn’t know beyond the sweetness? I hope my analysis makes sense. Kids of the same age can be caught having sex, it doesn’t mean it’s right even though… Read more »

Nkechi
Nkechi
1 month ago

Thank you,I do understand better
Maybe it’s the fact that I feel like I wasn’t a kid loool I knew too much tho

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Nkechi

I can imagine… Good to know you feel better

Tai
Tai
1 month ago

Dear poster,
We all have one or two things we would wish we could take back every time the thought hits us.
But……..
Life must go on and we must forgive ourselves.
It is only then we can get peace and not self sabotage when good things are about to happen.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Tai

Thank you for this Tai🙏

Mojisola
Mojisola
1 month ago
Reply to  Tai

This is apt!

Freerange
Freerange
1 month ago

While a blame game might ensue, I doubt if the real culprits will take the fall for it. Her immediate family of course are the one to blame largely. Directly and indirectly a bond should be made with ur child to prevent total see finish. See finish will always occur but preventing total is the target. If her “blood” had been emotionally available, she would have opened up on her teenage fantasies to either one of them. Let the new generation parents know that most of the methods we were brought up was wrong and still affecting how we relate… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Freerange

With similar cases springing up daily, I’ve accepted that there’s no right formula for parenting. Nonetheless like you said, if her blood was emotionally available there’s a likely hood that she’d have refused or struggled through his first advances and also shown signs for her parents to be able to tell she’s been abused or something was wrong.

Momk
Momk
1 month ago

I’m facing somwthing people call stockholm syndrome but I don’t feel guilt but more joy because he’s been that one person who caters for my wellbeing since I lost both parents on the same day to a motor accident.  He used to be a neighbor but unfortunately, I and my siblings started putting up at his place when the rent expired and none of our relatives came to our rescue. The first night he raped me, my siblings went for a vigil with his sister. I couldn’t go because I was sick. That was the most painful experience but after… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Momk

😪😪 I sincerely don’t know how best to reply your comment, had to stall with approving it, hoping to get the right words but nothing is coming. I pray you find genuine peace 😪

Tai
Tai
1 month ago
Reply to  Momk

❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏All my love.

Ebuka
Ebuka
1 month ago
Reply to  Momk

It is not OKAY! Do you hear me?
It is only okay is you are truly okay with it.

You must get to the point where you day IF I PERISH LET ME PERISH. Don’t make excuses for continuingly allowing this.

Well, you said you now have feelings…it is STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.

Tell yourself there’s another way… THERE IS.

GET OUT OF THERE. IT IS EXTREMELY HARD, BUT GET OUT!

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Ebuka

Whew!! Thank you!!

Levi
Levi
1 month ago
Reply to  Momk

I am so sorry that you went through this situation. I will suggest you get a job so that you and siblings can save money to leave his place. You might not have feelings for him. He might either be gaslighting you or the atmosphere is preventing you from seeing things clearly. Space will give you clarity.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Levi

Hmmm what if she’s still in school? Well let’s hear from her. Yeah space gives clarity actually, I hope she comes out of this mehn 🙏

Bobby
Bobby
1 month ago
Reply to  Momk

If you have genuine feelings for this man and he’s genuinely good to you then I think you should put aside all the negativities to it and seek the best off it. Shouldn’t care what anyone outside has to say no body holds the blueprint and besides where were they when you needed help. Not all stories have beautiful beginnings but with true forgiveness, a willing heart and a positive mindset, we can write a perfect end to our stories. Chase happiness and a better life, there’s no crime to it.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Bobby

“Not all stories have beautiful beginnings” this makes sense. On the other hand it’s most likely she’s a minor 🤔

Bobby
Bobby
1 month ago

This reply is to this comment with “Stockholm syndrome”, is she a minor? 😳

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Bobby

I wouldn’t know😪

Castroy
Castroy
1 month ago
Reply to  Momk

I don’t how you feel but I definitely know that the emotions you have for him is not genuine. Its only born out of duty because he is taking care of you and your siblings. I don’t know how young or old you are but try to get help outside. Possibly get a job and then get accommodation. When you finally leave his house, try to get counselling help because you really need it to overcome what you describe here

Last edited 1 month ago by Castroy
Levi
Levi
1 month ago

Anon, you are incredibly brave for sharing this. I hope this helps you heal as it should. And glad that you hold people for their actions not male gender. I feel all the adults here weren’t fair to her. Many parents feel that their children only need material things. It must not have been easy for the mother, but it would have made a difference if she was attentive. There would have been various signs. And the teacher is unrepentant pedophile. He knew what he was doing, he knew he was being destructive. Child Sexual Abuse is so rampant these… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Levi

Yeah a very unrepentant one! To think he was the most dreaded teacher, that was only a decoy to cover up his tracks. I am certain she wasn’t his only victim. I would have pushed for concrete investigation only that the writer wants to remain anonymous. I bet his case will be worse than R. Kelly’s 😪

Isaac Andrew
Isaac Andrew
1 month ago

I’m glad the writer was bold enough to share this eye opening experience, despite the psychological trauma that is associated with it and the fact that you will have to deal with it in ur life time … Thanks you so much. And I also appreciate your courage…. Apart for picking out whose fault it is from her experience, it’s also important that we associate ourselves with this happenings in our society knowing fully well that the writers experience with the pedophile Teacher is one in thousands of cases still happening in our society were these children are victims,but can’t… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Isaac Andrew

Your last sentence reminds me of a sermon I was listening to where the pastor said that a lot of people only want to have kids to prove to their inlaws / spouse that they are fertile. Nothing more. That’s why people birth kids with zilch parenting to offer. It’s not compulsory mehn!

I love your analysis on the hormones, makes more sense to me. Thank you!

Dangem
Dangem
1 month ago

This life ehn,
Every man with his load.
Opening up helps to heal more and its so good to see you reveal this so others can learn.
Parents need to do more work on their wards. Abuse here and there. If it’s not the Maths teacher, it could be an uncle or an aunt, abi one very unfortunate maid. As parents, we need to be available for our children.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Dangem

My dear ehn, there’s no formula for parenting 😪😪. Her parents will be out there thinking they gave her the best, only to read this. It’ll be so disheartening.

Dangem
Dangem
1 month ago

Really disheartening!!!

Chidinma
Chidinma
1 month ago

I think something is occurring in this young lady’s life right now and it’s making her guilty of the past. I might consider her age then, 14.. But then again, Whatever you don’t like, you don’t go back to it, accepting it, over and over again. The dad had his suspicions, if she wasn’t welcoming the act, she should have opened up to him, she had an option there. Sexual desires occurs in adults and adolescents as well and in this case she wanted more at some point. She was engrossed in it.Years later, she was still able to stand… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Chidinma

Hmmmm what an interesting angle, I never thought about it in this direction. Does accepting the fault in this case make one heal faster? I wouldn’t know. I will appreciate if you can throw more light on this. Thank you so much ❣

Dangem
Dangem
1 month ago
Reply to  Chidinma

I like this angle… When i was 13, my dad’s apprentice would want to touch me inappropriately. I was 13, but i had knowledge of what he was about to do. Anytime he showed up in our house, i will lock my room door and won’t come out till he leaves. I didn’t tell my mum until this year. If i had allowed it, he would do it without any sense of guilt cos i allowed it. And now, i am happy i didnt allow it.

Castroy
Castroy
1 month ago

I made a comment earlier in the day and am about to make another. This comment is printed by what I saw earlier today. I saw a girl coming out of my neighbor’s security man’s room. The girl should be around 15yrs old. Guess how much he gave her,,,,, n200. In the past I have seen such with my security man and I have cautioned him times without number. This girls just come for sex to get paid. More like prostitutes. A certain one among them got pregnant and continued till she gave birth and even after giving birth. One… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Castroy

Wow!! Poverty has enabled so many ills, so sad. I pray we do better as parents. Thanks for dropping by again Castroy🙏

Jay
Jay
1 month ago

We all have past trauma we carry about. It’s a shitty world, a shitty country. It’s either our parents or our religion or our this or our that. First we blame. Then we accept. Then we forgive. Then we heal. Then we cringe as we realize we ain’t perfect and see ourselves making similar mistakes that we blamed others for.

I hope you forgive yourself someday, writer. I really hope you do. I am glad you see that you need to forgive yourself too.

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Jay

Awwwww this hit home, thank you 🙏

Pretty Anon
Pretty Anon
1 month ago

I actually have a similar story like this When I was much younger In my early teenage years, there was this uncle of mine that told me he loves me. He told me he’d get married to me when I got older It was like we were in a relationship He used to touch me and all. Kiss me, make me touch him, finger me, all of that. I never thought about it as something wrong, I saw it as being in a relationship. I was barely 10 when it actually started, with just fondling, then progressed as the time… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Pretty Anon

So sad such ill happens in many homes with victims having no one to cry to. One doesn’t even know who to let under their roof. Smh. Sorry about your experience ❣

Adeyeye Kayode
Adeyeye Kayode
1 month ago

This is wow! Muttering minds, kudos to you .

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  Adeyeye Kayode

You’re welcome 🤗

PaGidi
PaGidi
1 month ago

This! First, I’m happy reading this through till its end. Two, this girl wanted it as much as the teacher wanted to exercise his hormonality too. Girls right and child advocacy aside, this is the side of the truth society will find difficulty accepting. And no, there’s no moral justification for the girl to shift blame and say she’s a minor. Did she like it? Did she want it? Did she like what she wanted? Did she enjoy it? That! And if she can’t tell him “thank you” for satisfying her, then she should accept the part where she’s the… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
1 month ago
Reply to  PaGidi

Hmmmm thank you for contributing. In what seems like a more logical truth, your comment takes the win. The issue majority of us have is that she was a minor, wasn’t even 17, it should have been in her teachers place to refrain from it.

Just imagine one day they were caught in the act, who do you think would be scolded or even battered? It will be ridiculous for him to admit she enjoys it too. No one will believe.

Xander
Xander
10 hours ago

I’m sorry you had to go through that At that point, you were mostly driven by teenage hormones. I feel he should have known and done better (I mean he was the elder), except he was probably pedophilic. That’s a very vulnerable stage in one’s life, if it were with one’s peer it could be excused as youthful exuberance or curiosity or something. I for one could view it as a ‘rite of passage’ (I mean with a boy/girl around your age grade) around those ages we are quite curious and adventurous. Things might have started off innocently with no… Read more »

muttering minds
Admin
47 minutes ago
Reply to  Xander

Thank you Xander👌🏿

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