One would think that having a ‘friend with benefits’ aka ‘situationship’ is as easy as reciting ABC, free as a bird you say yeah? No commitments, getting laid by any tom, dick, and Jessica…without having to explain yourself to your situationship partner right? Well, that’s a social media orientation, don’t be like me fam because such wokeness has landed me on a very slippery street. Sometimes I try to stand fam, but baby girl ends us giving a humpty dumpty show😭.
Fam I’m in a full-blown situationship and to say the least, it’s not what I expected. So yeah, we are not in a relationship or exclusive but then we do stuff like a couple, plan birthdays, dates, sex…but hollop! There are no commitments. Nobody told me it always ends up being messy, in my head I felt I can take a bow when I’m no longer feeling this or when I find someone I can bear it all to, but I was wrong fam …let’s go
CALL HIM BABY
I met baby a few months after a horrible break up which was my fault & I’m still in love with my ex who is happily married. Sadly I have adjusted to stalking him on all SM platforms to be sure wifey is taking good care of him. Back to Baby. Baby is an amazing guy, he found me during the lockdown and went all out for me with attention, care, love, and all that comes with a relationship but I made it clear that I won’t date him for reasons best known to me. To be honest, I knew I wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship cause I had a lot of baggage, exes, undefined relationships here and there with both genders and I wasn’t ready to add somebody’s son to it but he chose to stay and it’s being one bumpy ride.
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50% of the time it’s amazing and the rest of the 50% is war. It becomes too toxic for comfort. On toxicity yeah, whenever we have a fight or misunderstanding of any sort, Baby sees that as an avenue to abuse me verbally, he says all manner of hurtful words to me regardless of how I feel. He’s aggressive, insecure, and overly domineering. 40% of the fights we’ve had have always been about me refusing to say stuff about my past and small lies here and there (he hates lies). Baby wants to know everything about me, but I always share what I deem necessary and keep the rest of my exes and all sorts to myself. I don’t like to divulge into personal issues but he wants me to bear it all.
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But guess who has a smart mouth and won’t let him get away with it? You guessed right. I always use the opportunity to let him know we’re not in a relationship and that always hurts his feelings cause he feels so strongly for me.
BUT ARE WE REALLY NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
You see, that’s the thing, I’m confused. Every scene plays out like couples fronting but shying away from a tag. After every fight, I’ll call it quits and he would come begging or he would, while I go begging. At the initial stage, I thought I had it figured out but right now, I must be honest, I can’t go a day without talking to him. I feel so at peace with him, he’s the first person I want to share good or bad news with. Not to sound cliché the thought of him at any time (fight/no fight) gives me butterflies.
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Something tells me he’s figured out I’ve developed feelings for him. You know, no matter how hard you try you can’t hide love. I show it sometimes and do certain stuff that only love can make me do & when I get back to my senses, I start picking fights with him over unnecessary things.
Not once, not twice, I’ve been tempted to tell him how I really feel but I didn’t, knowing that I’m still a mess and wouldn’t want a complicated relationship. You know when stuff like this gets defined yeah? There’s this sense of accountability that creeps, you would want to be intentional about your partner and stuff. We are not dating yet, and he never fails to be vocal about how he wants more every opportunity he gets, now imagine if we put a tag on it. Sometimes I tell myself I’m overthinking this relationship thingy, and that I should just accept his damn proposal and see how things play out but my guts fail me.
Maybe why I haven’t accepted is because we are two different people. We enjoy each other’s company and good sex too, but you know that moment where you have to come to terms with the fact that you cannot have someone forever because there are certain things they do or traits they possess you cannot live with. Baby is an amazing guy really, asides from him being aggressive, possessive and sometimes exhibiting misogynistic behavior I don’t quite get. These are red flags for me. In every situation, I like to think about the positive and negative, whichever outweighs the other is what I go for regardless of how I feel. I am scared that I may push Baby to the wall one day and he will beat the hell out of me or worse. So that’s why I always decline his proposal, although he still has hope that I will say yes to him one day.
Read: Stop the Deceit! Whoever You’re Dating Owes You
THE UNFAIR SIDE
We had a fight recently and it was hard without him. I missed him so much for someone who I claim is not my man. But I think I felt more hurt, depressed, and disappointed because I brought this upon myself. We’ve been down this road for seven months, I should have walked away a long time ago, maybe at our first fight. But right now, I feel trapped in my feelings for him. This has been the most amazing and draining situationship ever fam.
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I want out but then I will miss baby so much. He practically knows everything about me, like we talk all the time. If we had met at a different time, he may have stood a chance. I’ve hinted him of wanting to let go of whatever it is that we share but he’s not having it. I am not having it either but this has to end yeah??? Do you get??? I used to think that having a friend with benefits or being in a so-called situationship would save me from all the stress that comes with a relationship but that’s a big fat lie. Situationships also puts your life on hold, with Baby it is disrespectful seeing other people, I always feel like I am cheating on him but we aren’t an item for fuck’s sake! I have dismissed other potential romantic partners cause I don’t want to disrespect Baby and also preserve what we have. But right now, I can’t have him and it’s so hard to have to walk away too. I feel stuck Mutterers, I need your advice. If you’ve ever been or still are in a situationship, I’ll like to know how it ended for you, or perhaps how it’s going.
Gosh, I still can’t get over the embarrassment of asking a certain guy “what are we?” Although we ended up dating but he still uses those lines to mock me 😂😂😂😂. I can say from experience that situationships put your life on hold, especially for we ladies who mostly cannot do without investing emotions lol. You’ve just read anons story, so what do you advise? She keeps moving around in circles, put a tag on it or walk away? Please leave a comment. We’ll like to hear all about your personal experiences too in this situation 😂😂 Leggo! As usual,… Read more »
Please, I will advise you to summon the courage and walk out. I get the fact about having feelings and being so used to him but for the sake of the future, there are some certain qualities the guy possesses as mentioned in the article that I won’t want you to walk into. Love is never enough. Sometimes, we just have to ignore the feelings we have and think with our heads. To avoid things getting more complicated please try to call it quits. The more you prolong this situationship, the harder it becomes for you to let go. It… Read more »
Thank God you said it won’t be easy lol 😂😂😂. This situationship thing feels like hypnotism majority of the time. You end up coming back 😂😂
🤣🤣🤣 baby girl I am you and you is me. Also trapped for God knows how long, I won’t lie, part of the reason I’m staying is because the dick is verrrrrrrrryyyyyy good. But he’s not toxic like yours too o. In fact he’s the sweetest, I just don’t see myself dating him jare 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂 This comment proves that women are so indecisive 😂😂😂. Imagine! You find a sweet man and you decide to make him a side piece? 😂😂😂 Well who am I to judge… if you both accept the terms and conditions, why not 😂😂
Na mumu dey read terms and conditions 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
Oooo I see 😂😂😂
There comes a point in everyone’s life where you’ve got to choose. Some things are absolutely intentional and don’t come about by happenstance.
I also believe she should stay away from aggressive men since her gut is suggesting that too.
She could be brave and decide to weather the loneliness that may come from detaching herself from the fellow, but she has to do it early enough.
She has already taken the first step on this path to redemption by admitting there’s a problem somewhere.
It was a good read
Thank you Daniel, glad you enjoyed the read too. Admitting there is a problem rather than denying is brave, the next brave thing for her to do is stomach the loneliness. I agree with you.
Meanwhile there’s just something attractive about aggression 🤐… one day we’ll address that 😆😆
The guy really loves you and he is a good guy, let me tell you why I think so. Firstly when it comes to open relationships or situationships I feel like it is always a dream situation for bad boys like me because it simply means we can sleep with multiple ladies and get away without having to commit to anyone, after all who will help service all this beautiful ladies out there? The man to woman ratio is unbalanced lol and the day I see a lady I really like I can end it with who ever I am… Read more »
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Danteee! Worse guys like you how??? Well well, your point is valid. I can imagine how painful she’ll feel if he kicks it with a girl hotter o, that’s like the best revenge for this situation lol.
But how much can people really turn a new leaf from aggression? Especially in adulthood? 🤔
Ps. If anyone sends their digit to my mail, I’ll spam it 😂😂😂😂
Lol haha spam gini? don’t play the role of my village people oh Doris
😂😂😂 I’ll try not to
Hehehehehehehe…hilarious! This reminds me of someone I know. She wore a completely see-through kimono without any underwear to take a photo. I could see her groundnut-like nipple and her bushy patch through the dress. To this lady, she was wearing something..but to most of us, she’s simply naked. My dear, your “situation” is in a different “ship” of it’s own. Dude only went along with it as a compromise for what he really wants with you, which is a good relationship. I have been there and actually was willing to be anything for her in any capacity and she knew… Read more »
@brain is still working small 😂😂😂😂 Touchee…
I’m trying to wrap my head around your first paragraph, shey na parable abi wetin be this 😂😂😂
But not until you mentioned, never really thought about the life span of the so called friends with benefits ish. The longer it gets the more trouble it brings. Thanks for hammering on that. Only stone cold people can survive without catching feelings tbh.
The story? Well she’s the naked girl who thinks she’s wearing clothes.
She thinks she’s in a situationship…but we are seeing a full blown, unplanned, relationship.
Have you watched friends with benefits? Sir.
E be like say na your story inspire the release of that movie
Well, situationship happens here and there, the problem many people have is overanalyzing situations. I have had situationship three times, they happened respectively to safe me. The problem is that people love to overanalyze situationship instead of enjoying it. The truth is that, even if you are with a single guy/babe of your kind, there is no guarantee that it will lead to blissful marriage, so why not enjoy your situationship first, be vulnerable and have peace; because we will later regret the situation we fail to enjoy. The truth is that you can’t be careful enough. I am still… Read more »
A fresh perspective 😁. Enjoying it rather than overthinking 📌 . This can work when both parties are on the same page. If not…
But being on the same page should be the natural or spontaneous thing na. We didn’t have to discuss it, and even when we have to discuss, peace and enjoyment should be the epicenter; so that helps us to be in the same page. I remember my first situationship, I was just heartbroken, then I met a lady that I asked out. she said no but we became very intimate friends in the process. She knew that I had no other lady except her, but we were just friends. One day, she told me that she is aware of how… Read more »
Hmmmm you’ve had quite an adventure 🤭. What I’m curious to know is did the babe tell her BF everything that went down with you both??? 😒
Why does she have to tell him nah?
There are stories that are better left and forgotten in the past.
Don’t lie but you shouldn’t tell the whole story.
I see 😂😂
So, why should she tell him nah? That will be stupid.
Or will you tell your guy such adventure?
There are some stories that are better dead in the past.
You don’t have to tell the whole truth, it may hunt you.
Never! They stay dead and buried 😂😂
But the whole stuff is just very stupid
They both knew it wasn’t going well
But no they decided to continue and turning the whole stuff into a toxic shit
At a point they didn’t even understand each other
Like I mean who does that without having a proper discussion
😂😂 Trust me people do so without discussing. More like a subliminal agreement to “go with the flow”. In the long run sha, one party summons the courage to ask “what are we?”
Hopefully the other party doesn’t respond “we are nothing but pencils in the eyes of the creator”.
An interesting read. Okay. I understand her and the situation has gotten complicated. It’s a good thing that she’s expressive and she has detected some underlying problems. My advice for her is to leave the relationship. It takes more than love to make a relationship work. She has noticed a lot of red flags that will affect their relationship in the long run and one of the reasons she can’t break free is because she’s attached and that’s not healthy. What happens when he can’t take it anymore and beats her? What happens when she can’t stand the control and… Read more »
Well put together Winner 💯
Your questions are valid, I really hope she puts all these in considering. Thank you 🙏
I’m reading this and all I’m seeing my handwriting everywhere 😂
Fwb is only sweet for mouth abeg. In reality, that shii suckksss
😂😂😂😂😂😂 they dunno about it
I was once in a friends with benefits kind of relationship,we actually were doing stuff like a couple bug these guy had a girlfriend and he loved the both of us at some point and i also caught feelings….it was very difficult for both of us sometimes he would explain to me he is confused …..it was really not funny having to watch him talk his girl all evening,even though i was the one in the same town with him but it was draining always trying to find out where we are headed,till he got transferred and i summoned courage… Read more »
😂😂😂😂 bold of you to think “he loved the both of us”. Well when you’re in an emotional situation, it’s very normal to believe everything hook, line and sunker🤧. I won’t be surprised if he’s still kicking it with his bae, no offence but he probably was having you cause you were close.
Anyway good riddance to bad rubbish 🙄
Yes, the guy loves you so much, but sometimes, love is not enough. Verily verily I say unto you, this guy go beat you black and blue someday. Just follow your guts and walk away, that way you’ll be saving yourself from future stress.
That’s by the way, Uju, what are we now ? 🙄🙄
@verily verily😂😂😂… well I’ll tell you what we are in your email.🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️