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I am Muttering

Rare Insecurities: My Ordeal with the Slim Curse

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6 min read

There’s always that one thing we want but we will never get, maybe, just maybe when we take our minds off the wishful thinking, that’s when it will come. Not promising, but this has always been a consolation response to me whenever I complain to my friends about how slim I am and cannot wait to grow fat.

Bowled over? It’s not like I am too thin but then…all my life, I have longed to be a little thick at least especially on some strategic part of my body but my creator wouldn’t let me shine on that path. Since I became aware of myself I don’t think I have ever changed in looks or size. “Vampire”“Uju you are perfect the way you are”“You are so small and cute””I wish I had your body”… blah blah blah… You really do think that’s a compliment right? You wish! Well, maybe sometimes.

slim
It was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

The mistake most people make is that they think every slim person loves the way they are and that every fat person curses the day they were born. Do you ever stop to think for a second that some slim people actually hate it when you emphasize their body weight? Well, I belong to that one percent of the one percent who hate it when you do. Don’t ask me when I would gain weight or why I haven’t added since we left high school. It is rude. 

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That was how the other day I ran into a mate from high school and the first thing she said was “Ah Doris! you haven’t changed, you are still small”. I had to morsel laugh for pretense sake but after she left I began analyzing her birdbrained approach. I concluded it was as rude as asking a married couple why they haven’t had any kids.

MY WEIGHT GAIN TRICK AND BACK TO SQUARE ZERO

Being slim can be very fine especially on tall people but if you are ‘slim and short’ like me, you will agree with me that beauty goes on vacation sometimes without seeking your permission. My body is like a chameleon only that it changes its weight instead of color. Small stress and I deflate. One minute I am happy to have gained 2kg and the next minute I am 4kg down. How annoying? It’s like one step forward and a million miles backward.

Read: What Is Perception To You?

So I discovered a weight gain trick two years ago. I started going to the gym. Daily. The first time I stepped my feet at the gym, it felt as odd as a baby enrolling for a Master’s Degree. “Ah”“What do you want to lose”“Do you want to disappear?” So many discouraging remarks but I didn’t give up. Specifically, I told the gym instructor that I wanted to add, not lose weight, “build my shape”. I started building my muscles and strength and taking lots of protein shakes. Little or no aerobics, deadlifts, lunges, leg lifts, squatting, and more. Squatting was my favorite exercise because I wanted to be just as bad as sexy and guess what, it worked. I built my muscles so much that I gained 10kg in five months. From 50kg to 60kg; well-shaped and a little thick. It was like Christmas in June until I got a nine to five job that swept me off my joy.

slim
From 50kg to 55kg; well-shaped and a little thick.

The new weight and look became history. I felt sad and still is. Initially, I tried to keep up with the gym during weekends but it felt like gaining only to lose it the next minute. There was no point. Little stress and small omissions that should become part of life because of our drive to make ends meet are bad for me. Stress like jumping buses from Monday to Friday, skipping meals, working hard, going for holidays…etc. they all take a toll on my weight. Now I weigh 49kg!! And the most unfair part of all these is that I see people who do worse than I do, gaining weight effortlessly while I get thinner than thin. This life is so unbalanced. If riches cannot be equal, let weight be even at least.

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I should chip in that the only sign that I am likely to be as thick as I crave in the future is my butts. There’s something about my butts, as a matter of fact, it is my most precious asset before my *****. It gives me joy that something can at least grow and be visible when you look at me but its glory fluctuates too. Sometimes it appears super full like some huge melons and admirable especially after doing some rigorous squats indoors. Other times my two butt cheeks betray me by looking like pullets. Times like this, don’t tell me I have lost weight, I know, you don’t have to rub it in. The moment someone says to me “Ah Uju, you are starting to lose weight again”… by default my response is usually “Including my butts?”. If they concur automatically I sink into depression because for it to go down, then it is that bad.
Butt clipart animated, Butt animated Transparent FREE for download ...
Including my butts?

IT IS DEPRESSING 

You think that every slim person has it happy right? Well, it’s not the same for me. How do you explain seeing a really gorgeous dress you can afford and you purchase it only for it to be falling off your shoulders? Or the seller subtly screams at your face saying “leave it, it won’t fit you”. Deep down, she knows you won’t bring out the beauty of the dress.

Read: Addiction Is Not As Straightforward As You Think

You also think every slim person got there by default right? “Oh, it’s her nature”… well, it’s not for some. Some people are sick and the more they take their medications, fat has no place to stay. Some slim persons like me cannot even explain their body type. Sometimes I undergo forced feeding yet, nothing to show for it. Just like losing weight is a struggle for some, gaining weight is a slice of tough meat for me.

slim

Meeting a slim person does not give you the right to start measuring the size of their arm with your fingers. It’s not cute. Or the name callings like “lepa”, “Broom Stick”, “Thinny” etc. These are very ugly names and full-blown body shaming that we have remained oblivious to. Except someone tells you that they like some part of their body, it doesn’t give you the right to assume that it’s good for them and start making jokes. The fact that a lot of people want something doesn’t guarantee that those who have it are happy with it.

I’m GOING BACK!

Well! Well! Well! Maybe you are slim and you love you just the way you are, that’s cool. As for me, l love me and will love me even more with some more flesh.

I want to put on some healthy weight gain. And since I discovered the trick that works best for me is the gym, I’m going back. COVID took the nine to five away so I decided to look on the bright side of things. I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg. I hope to get there before the year runs. Possible? We shall see… I’ll try to keep you posted

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slim
I’m going back to building my muscles and this time my target is 70kg.

My weight is one of my biggest insecurities. Talking about it with you Mutterers brings a sense of relief. Do you mind sharing with me your insecurities too? or perhaps we are walking in the same shoes, I’ll like to hear… or better still you got some advice on how I can gain some weight without going to the gym? 

I’ll be waiting in the comment section.

 

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Wana
Wana
4 months ago

Doris, you’ve literally been speaking my mind lately. What?? I’ve been on apetite boosters for the past two months but it feels like it’s making me even thinner. The worst part is my parents always make reference to it every day like is a plague I brought upon myself. It’s not fair. Body shaming slim people is a thing!!!! and it needs to be dead!!!!! We don’t fancy being called skinny 😔😔😒

Bobby
Bobby
4 months ago

🙁🙁🙁

Glory kay
Glory kay
4 months ago

I can relate
In as much as I put up the confidence when am out, am so not comfortable when someone walks up to me to remind me that I have put up more weight me.
Dear reminders of body size
We go lose weight and we go add again, just leave us the way you see us. The struggle no be here o

King
King
4 months ago

Oh dear, you struggled to change my perspective about your kind of stature, which I referred to as gloried stature, but with this piece, you still couldn’t. What I understand about human bodies is they are all excellent in their respective ways. The glory of human bodies differs (you may have to learn about them); but the glory of “slim and short” is much more ahead of them all. But I respect your opinion, somebody most have unconsciously created negative narratives about “Slim and short” in you, ignorantly; but the simple truth is that you have the best kind of… Read more »

King
King
4 months ago

However, I can tell you simple meal that certainly make you loom chubby and healthy with glowing skin; in camera😜

Doris michell
Doris michell
3 months ago

Did she say 😭

Doris michell
Doris michell
3 months ago
Reply to  King

Abegg tell me I so badly want to gain

King
King
3 months ago
Reply to  Doris michell

I certainly will, when we see

Didi
Didi
4 months ago

Just what’s on my mind,I wake up everyday looking at my neck bones and it brings me to tears plus people out there constantly reminding me of my skinny ass😞😞😞 so unfair. Some people’s weight gain is effortless while some of us even with every consciousness and determination it still brings us back to our skinniness. I gain little and shed a lot,I mean wth

Tiwatope
Tiwatope
4 months ago

U just spoke my mind…my mum literally mourns when I lose weight and whoops with joy when I add some as if she just won a lottery…she is obsessed with weight adding,she is fat,yet she wants to b fatter….this has made me insecure about my weight since I was young I have always wished I was a little bit taller,I thought I wouldn’t bother abt my slimness if I was tall,but I was cheated with height too,I’m 5’3,and I bemoan that fact everyday…I look way younger than my actual age,I am 25 and I’ve always bin mistaken for a 17… Read more »

Tiwatope
Tiwatope
4 months ago

I get the age mix up every time and its absolutely annoying…imagine me calling someone who I didn’t know I was older than for like 7 years aunty

I’ve bin told to drink plenty of water too…but it doesn’t work

I do believe looking young in our old age is true…I’ve met so many grandmas who have small stature,and they look young and fit compared to their big stature counterparts

Manko
Manko
4 months ago

I thought that I was the only one experiencing the ‘short and slim’ looking like a 12 year old look. Thankfully I’m a little curvy in the right places so I can’t really be mistaken for a boy but I still look like a secondary school student. Worst of all, even the hope that you’ll gain more weight after child birth has been dashed as I still look like my pre-baby self. I even have people asking all the time if I’m the mother of the child. Well I have accepted my fate in silence as I cannot come and… Read more »

Blossom
Blossom
3 months ago
Reply to  Tiwatope

Story of my life. I feel so pained about it

Mebra Nellie
Mebra Nellie
4 months ago

Am happy to join this beautiful conversation

Zitaaa
Zitaaa
4 months ago

Seeing a cloth you like and can afford buh can’t have it because of your size is the most painful part😭 I wish I could gym tho… Buh lazy ass me won’t be consistent 🤣 and having thick friends with big butts while yours isnt is so shameful too😭

Bubu
Bubu
4 months ago

Nice one muttering minds. Thanks for enlightening the readers that body shaming also applies to slim people as well. We all need to take into consideration the sort of comments we make regarding other people physical appearance, no matter how cordial you think you both are.

Bobby
Bobby
4 months ago

Story of my life. I use 3months of chopping life to gain 2 to 3kg and then 2days stress takes 4 to 5kg. E nor just balance 😥

Onyii
Onyii
4 months ago

It’s worse when you are slim and you’ve got tummy pooch. It takes me a month or more to put on small weight and a week or less to loose it all. 😑 I’m usually scared of taking boosters as they say it has its effect.
So here’s one natural thing that has worked for me, I call it UNPROCESSED YOGHURT.
P.S : I’m married 🙂

Idawor Ruth
Idawor Ruth
4 months ago

I can totally relate to this. I often get comments like ‘”chai Ruth you don’t Change one bit” or something like “when will you add” 😂😂… I don’t really let them get to me though because I totally accept the way I am and nobody can ever make me feel depressed over it.

Cupid
Cupid
4 months ago

Ujuuuu 😫😫😫
You understand this struggle of gaining weight and loosing it in the twinkle of an eye. Someone somewhere will make matters worse and call you “agric chicken”.
Another person will say “you haven’t gained weight since high school”. In my mind, I’m like “mind your business…it’s not my fault”
I absolutely love that I’m small and “down to earth” 😫😫😫 actually fun sized…abeg leave my size alone, I just want to have some butt…dazzol

Cupid
Cupid
4 months ago

Squat ko
Better lemme 😂

Tiwatope
Tiwatope
4 months ago

But does the squat exercise really work?

Blinkz
Blinkz
4 months ago

This is so apt like I can relate I’m not skinny but I can totally relate

Geepht
Geepht
4 months ago

It’s my first time here. You have definitely been speaking my mind from the beginning of your post to the end. I wish people were more considerate and realise that body shaming also applies to slim people too. I’ve been called different names that I’ve just gotten used to it. I have no access to a gym but could you please share your workout routines? Thank you.

Keneyinboh
Keneyinboh
4 months ago

So apt! Like me, looking out for every weight gain stimulus (anyways I found one again, lol hoping it comes with the curves it’s promising). Mostly great “regular” food, balanced vitamin, good sleep and occasional workout does the magic to my body. Your butt na your savior sha… always been.

Vicky
Vicky
4 months ago

I still get those words sometimes of how slim I am, But it doesn’t get to me anymore… Like, wetin concern me😂, except when it comes from someone close and I give them a sharp reply at once. Presently I weigh 56/57, when I’m relaxed I get to 60, but it takes too much work…., U might be wondering how come I’m weighing this and saying I’m slim😅, the truth is my sister I’m tall, like 6ft… So been tall and not thick, u automatically look tiny, the bone mass is y u look like you have so much weight,… Read more »

Last edited 4 months ago by Vicky
Naomi
Naomi
4 months ago

This is one of my many insecurities am not so skinny but I care soo much about my butt

Ola
Ola
4 months ago

Absolutely love this article. I can relate to everything you mentioned. Slim people are constantly being body shamed, and people act like it’s not a thing and that’s not okay.

Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
4 months ago

I’ve never seen anyone describe ass with such perfection and details like you did. Daaaaammmmmnnn!!!!
the truth is that Wether you like it or not, you’ll still gain weight in the nearest future. it’s just natural for women

Last edited 4 months ago by Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
Ezeugo 1
4 months ago

C’mon everyone has an ass. No need to be shy. Women gain weight Mostly after childbirth. That’s why I may marry broomstick so that after childbirth she go add weight come dey fresher

AirStar
AirStar
4 months ago

This is an enlightening read from you Uju. To imagine that I’m also guilty of calling my friends smallie or lepa when I’m also Short and Between slim and skinny but for my little bum and full breasts. I would have to stop that act thanks to you 😊. Plus I can totally relate with the you never changed since secondary school chant by many of my mates but I kinda take it as a compliment. I only get irritated when I’m found amongst girls and they start giving compliments about my body, the shape of my butt, the look… Read more »

Bibi Mela
Bibi Mela
4 months ago

Uju say na “birdbrained approach”.🤣 Mann! This is one hell of a read. My dilemma babes. Story of my life. 😪 😥

Becka
Becka
4 months ago

I know how it feels to have the slim curse, people are always saying Becka your body is fine, having a big. Ish is depressing but what they don’t understand is that having a small body is just as depressing

Becka
Becka
4 months ago

Maybe you could also post more tips on how to gain weight THAT WILL STAY😂

Cynthia
Cynthia
4 months ago

So many on this table. It’s very depressing. Sickness is always the one to take the little weight away from me. My dad is always on my neck about my body, always making me look as if being slim is a cure. So many appetite drugs but…. mehn it haven’t been easy.

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Eziukwu
Eziukwu
3 months ago

This is soooo me. I was fluctuating BTW 49&50kg for years before covid came. I wear a size 4 from the children section because of my size and then my height really small 😅, so I usually look like an 18 year old when I am already in my late 20’s. It’s so annoying when I step out and people I am older than call me ‘girl’ or some colleagues referring to my size. The worst is I loose weight once I get a little stress, I’ve been trying so hard not to overthink certain things because I am scared… Read more »

Fisayo
Fisayo
3 months ago

I weigh 67 kg and it’s lightweight for a guy. It’s a struggle buying clothes cos I constantly reshape them. (Thank God my younger bro is a tailor….so it’s free) I tried drinking milk,but I’m lactose intolerant. Blood tonic, didn’t work too. I feel your pain my dear. We’ll all be fine las las.

Fisayo
Fisayo
3 months ago

Thanks a lot. I write short stories too. Hopefully I’ll be courageous someday to publish them….. lol

Yaecob
Yaecob
3 months ago

I didn’t know that we all were treated the same way starting from grade 3 my classmates used to measure my hands with their fingers…and they always say do u eat or something like that…some of them will tell their friends from another class and some will come and ask me to show them … I always laughed when they make jokes about my body even though it hurt me inside..now I’m 18 with 47 kg ….what make it worse is I’m 183 cm and it makes me look more thinner (I’m a boy btw) so any one here who… Read more »

Jane
Jane
2 months ago

I used to have this exact struggle!! I am short, I have some nice looking hips but with a little “weird shaped” bum. So when I was slim I only managed to look good from the front sometimes 😭. I couldn’t wear tight trousers Cos I had this very ugly and weird thigh gap. Oh I hated it soooo dang much!! When I would loose weight and people will comment the first place I’ll be worried about is my bum 😩 People called me smallie and some said things like “you have fine hips but your ass is wide and… Read more »

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