Life we say is unfair. A friend once said to me, “it has to be bad for someone for it to be good for you”… likewise vice versa. In my case, as much as it leaves the other party at an unfair disadvantage, I cannot but be happy for myself. The only thing I find unfair regarding my experience which I intend to share with you is this statement; “Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part”. It’s blinding, it makes you not see things clearly even when they’re right before your eyes. In marriage, they say if the other party hasn’t brutally wronged you, then you have no right to walk away. In my eyes, ‘wrongs’ in marriage should not be subjected to a particular pedestal, the littlest of things which is considered flimsy to the majority should not be invalidated. They are also wrongs too.
I am a married woman who’s in love with another. What could my husband have done to make me have my eyes set on another? Well I don’t have the answers. Twelve years ago when I walked down the aisle with him, I never planned for this to happen. But it is what it is, I’ve found myself deeply in-love with a man 6 years younger than I am. I never knew I had the strength to go through with this, but it remains one of the best decisions I have ever made.
How We Started Vs How It’s Going
So this fateful day, Andre slid into my DM to enquire further about a business deal I posted, he liked my response and decided to stick around as a friend. As time went on, we became very cool friends, he was really open about his life and journey and that made me feel so comfortable around him. I started opening up to him about my life as well, business and my worries, and now, he’s so there for me, no matter what. He’s proven to be a good support system, the definition of intentional in a way that makes love refreshing.
Wonder how I can tell Andrea truly loves me? Well love is in the eyes. I see it, I feel it, and in fact breathe it when I’m with him. With him, it’s a ‘we’ thing and not a sole journey. Little things matter when love is involved, we decorated his apartment together, so it feels like home for me. He has essentials in his house for my use whenever I come around, has my flow chart app on his phone, and he is up to date. He is open about his finances, I know how much he earns, he ensures I get a gift from him always, no matter how little. He fills his fridge with drinks that I like.
Andrea totally understands my pattern and mood, and important to mention how kind he is to people around him too, so I know he’s not just not being sweet to me. He doesn’t judge me, he supports me and pushes me to be a better person. Gosh! He cares so much about me that it scares me. As the sweet girl that I am, I reciprocate all this by loving him against all odds. I’m so used to him that I can’t imagine my life without him, I call him the love of my life, he calls me his sweet face. We are like high school lovers, we are soul mates! He writes the sweetest notes, he is really expressive about his feelings and that has forced me out of my shell too. I can tell him exactly how I feel, how I want to be loved. He allows me to be myself, I don’t have to hide my true and crazy self. He apologizes first when we argue. We throw subtle shade at each other, and we don’t take things personally.
I am not going to talk about the other person, feel free to judge us based on what I’ve shared with you. And if you say Andrea might be too young for me, I am not threatened by his age, he in fact makes me feel like a baby. There’s a lot to say but the summary is, for the first time in my life, I’m in love with someone who treats me right, loves my body the way it is and never holds back. I like to believe I’ve found my soulmate, though unfortunate after marriage.
Many would point fingers at me, and ask why I decided to cheat on my husband, and even conclude that the best approach would have been to communicate with my husband on how I want to be loved. You see, as much as love is teachable, it’s not teachable too. The heart would always gravitate in the direction it wants to. What my husband has given me so far, is his best understanding of how he sees love. It’s not enough for me, and it’ll be further unfair for me to keep overreaching. Communication is beautiful, but we must learn to walk away when the people we hope to hear us cannot comprehend. Even in marriage too.
Now my big question… I mentioned earlier that people only encourage walking away from marriage when one’s partner has brutally wronged them. In this case, they mean domestic violence. Based on my experience, I’ll say it’s wrong to have that as the only qualifier. Should I remain married to a person who has brutally wronged me by not loving me in the way that I want to? Both singles and married readers, I need your honest opinion. I know some married folks go through this too, please share your experience with me in the comment section👇👇.