Life we say is unfair. A friend once said to me, “it has to be bad for someone for it to be good for you”… likewise vice versa. In my case, as much as it leaves the other party at an unfair disadvantage, I cannot but be happy for myself. The only thing I find unfair regarding my experience which I intend to share with you is this statement; “Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part”. It’s blinding, it makes you not see things clearly even when they’re right before your eyes. In marriage, they say if the other party hasn’t brutally wronged you, then you have no right to walk away. In my eyes, ‘wrongs’ in marriage should not be subjected to a particular pedestal, the littlest of things which is considered flimsy to the majority should not be invalidated. They are also wrongs too.
I am a married woman who’s in love with another. What could my husband have done to make me have my eyes set on another? Well I don’t have the answers. Twelve years ago when I walked down the aisle with him, I never planned for this to happen. But it is what it is, I’ve found myself deeply in-love with a man 6 years younger than I am. I never knew I had the strength to go through with this, but it remains one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Read: Why I Cheat on my Wife
How We Started Vs How It’s Going
So this fateful day, Andre slid into my DM to enquire further about a business deal I posted, he liked my response and decided to stick around as a friend. As time went on, we became very cool friends, he was really open about his life and journey and that made me feel so comfortable around him. I started opening up to him about my life as well, business and my worries, and now, he’s so there for me, no matter what. He’s proven to be a good support system, the definition of intentional in a way that makes love refreshing.
Reading: Why I Love Older Women
Wonder how I can tell Andrea truly loves me? Well love is in the eyes. I see it, I feel it, and in fact breathe it when I’m with him. With him, it’s a ‘we’ thing and not a sole journey. Little things matter when love is involved, we decorated his apartment together, so it feels like home for me. He has essentials in his house for my use whenever I come around, has my flow chart app on his phone, and he is up to date. He is open about his finances, I know how much he earns, he ensures I get a gift from him always, no matter how little. He fills his fridge with drinks that I like.
Andrea totally understands my pattern and mood, and important to mention how kind he is to people around him too, so I know he’s not just not being sweet to me. He doesn’t judge me, he supports me and pushes me to be a better person. Gosh! He cares so much about me that it scares me. As the sweet girl that I am, I reciprocate all this by loving him against all odds. I’m so used to him that I can’t imagine my life without him, I call him the love of my life, he calls me his sweet face. We are like high school lovers, we are soul mates! He writes the sweetest notes, he is really expressive about his feelings and that has forced me out of my shell too. I can tell him exactly how I feel, how I want to be loved. He allows me to be myself, I don’t have to hide my true and crazy self. He apologizes first when we argue. We throw subtle shade at each other, and we don’t take things personally.
I am not going to talk about the other person, feel free to judge us based on what I’ve shared with you. And if you say Andrea might be too young for me, I am not threatened by his age, he in fact makes me feel like a baby. There’s a lot to say but the summary is, for the first time in my life, I’m in love with someone who treats me right, loves my body the way it is and never holds back. I like to believe I’ve found my soulmate, though unfortunate after marriage.
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Many would point fingers at me, and ask why I decided to cheat on my husband, and even conclude that the best approach would have been to communicate with my husband on how I want to be loved. You see, as much as love is teachable, it’s not teachable too. The heart would always gravitate in the direction it wants to. What my husband has given me so far, is his best understanding of how he sees love. It’s not enough for me, and it’ll be further unfair for me to keep overreaching. Communication is beautiful, but we must learn to walk away when the people we hope to hear us cannot comprehend. Even in marriage too.
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Now my big question… I mentioned earlier that people only encourage walking away from marriage when one’s partner has brutally wronged them. In this case, they mean domestic violence. Based on my experience, I’ll say it’s wrong to have that as the only qualifier. Should I remain married to a person who has brutally wronged me by not loving me in the way that I want to? Both singles and married readers, I need your honest opinion. I know some married folks go through this too, please share your experience with me in the comment section👇👇.
Long time no story here!!! Well we’re back 😌💪🏿 Hmmm I was discussing this story with a friend who’s going through a similar situation and he said something striking “Some situations or narratives do not make sense until you are in the same situation”. Further implying that the singles on this platform might not get it. I believe so too, but I hope we can judge all aspects of the story with clear eyes and not bias. Tbh, stories like this make me scared of marriage. I often say that I am scared of “a person waking up one morning… Read more »
Someone will still come and say in Jesus name, their own marriage will work. Okay o. There are no right or wrong rules to marriage. I feel so sad for her husband who has no idea what’s going on. I respect her decision for not talking about him sha. I don’t support couples drying their dirty linen in public. For your question, I would walk away from a marriage when I start to feel less satisfied and insufficient. It doesn’t have to be only cases of violence. But before I walk way, I need to be sure I have tried… Read more »
Hey Nonny!!! Thank you… look forward to more interesting stories this year 😄
Well… if people prophesy their marriage would work, then we hope faith speaks when its time. Nothing wrong with being positive especially in a world where we’re surrounded with uncertainties.
Hmmmm a battle with her conscience? Looks like she’s won the fight already from all she’s stated. No regrets, just unfortunate for the husband. Perhaps he might have as well found his missing rib 🤭
You may be right. Love is now a game, her husband might be playing away match too. Well what do i kmow
Hmmmm we never know…
My marriage will work in Jesus name. AMEN!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Even the marriage dey fear me lydis🤧🤧🤧
People fall out of thier marriages every time
Who I’m I to judge???
I personally think u should have this discussion with ur husband, he on the other hand might think you’re ok with the way he loves you.
Communication at the end solves a lot.
I do hope things don’t turn out bad for you even if u both decide to walk out of the marriage.
The last sentence though. Fear of the unknown lol. It’s normal for the majority to preach that she sticks to her marriage as per “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”. If it eventually turns out wrong with Andrea, does it invalidate that her husband is not her soulmate?
If not Andrea it’ll be someone else
This experience has basically opened her up to the reality that she actually wants more than her husband has the capacity to give and that is the main issue…
Not really tho, buh personally I feel they might have both gotten comfortable and let the spark die and now Andrea is here with a new spark. Buh then again, she says her husband has always loved her like he does now. The big question is “was she comfortable with the way he loved her or she always hasn’t been comfortable? “
Wow The love you describe between the both of you is something I feel anyone would long to have but I must say that I personally feel this is why it’s important to marry your type of person,it’s not enough that a person is “okay” or “not bad” because along the line you will crave for more,marriage is “forever” and that’s heck of a long time to do mediocre,so please be picky all you want, that’s why when people say “keep selecting oh na you go marry yourself last last” I’m not even moved,better to be alone than in a… Read more »
Moral of this comment: “Be picky all you want”
Better to be alone than to be with someone and feel alone. Well we don’t know what transpired between her and her husband. Maybe she felt butterflies at the initial stage or she just settled due to time. But O boy!! 12 years is such a long time enough to decided.
I would say this is a difficult nut to crack. I am in no place to judge or whatever. I think you should have a conversation with your husband. Noting the fact that he could try to make things right but it’s won’t be easy for both of you. Difficult what you feel to him and tell him what you want. You don’t need to make him change because he won’t trust you me. I would gladly walk away. I pray you have the courage to get want you want.
Hmmmm it’s easier to say she should have a conversation with her husband. Omooo conversations like this is tough! You’re caught between expressing what you want and not hurting the other party. It’s tough o
My wife and I started as best friends for a long time I can remember. Its still the same but does it mean we both have not been tempted to be with someone else? If I say no, then you know I’m lying. I catch her in her moments and we discuss it, and she does too. While I’ve experienced the collidge effect in our marriage, she has experienced postpartum depression. These two situations don’t give room for us to be attracted to each other. Plenty emotional roller coasters. I’ve cheated once and she forgave me, she herself has been… Read more »
Hmmmm I know for sure that distance helps with clarity, however, to apply what you said, she needs some level of boldness and self control. Petre I appreciate you opening up to this extent, I love how you painted the fact that these things are inevitable in marriage. Thank you
Reading this story, I am smiling because it is obvious there are many people in this boat. You have really worked to subdue your conscience, and fear. You are enjoying love already and that is enviable. However, the issue you have in your marriage is one of the simplest issue. The only problem is that your husband doesn’t understand your LOVE LANGUAGE …this can be fixed simple with simple communication. It is important you have communication with your husband because if you walk out of your marriage and marry the new guy; you need to remember that love is not… Read more »
At this point, I wish I could have a conversation with married folks. As much as the hiccups surrounding marriage is often preached, singles would never understand the entirety of it until they get into marriage.
Well with her explanation, it seems like she already cracked the “love is not enough” code. To an extent. Thank you for sharing this King
Yes, I will not judge and I cannot. I am not in your shoes, I am not the one with Andrea, I am single, I cannot understand what married people go through. So, I rest my case.
😂😂😂😂😂 now this is hilarious
I laughed really hard🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wow!! This is a very exciting read yet and informative article. an eye opener to the fact that for better of for worse in the social institution called MARRIAGE is a myth, that goes against all events in human social construct that binds us as humans… For we are constantly looking for the best of what gives us that peace and purpose cus we all know YOLO.. It makes so much sense for her to pursue whatever and whomever gives her that peace that will sustain her, if her current husband’s ain’t doing it anymore, she’s free to leave but… Read more »
A myth!! A mirage!! These two. But are we ready for this conversation? Looks like a good conversation for our Telegram folks😄
Yes, single people cannot understand you. Your husband cannot understand you. Nobody can understand you. You have shared a story that only you understands. Well, maybe married people will too. But I want to ask one question: Did you really love your husband?
Cos out of nowhere, it seems he doesn’t matter.
Ah! Shake the table😌. But she indicated single folks should contribute now.
You’ve asked a very valid question.
Yes, I had to ask. You live under his roof, I am sure you both have children or except there are no children. All of a sudden, they don’t matter anymore. Madam, if I tell you to leave your marriage, it’s not because of you but because of your husband. Let him go!
That’s true. I never bothered to ask if kids were involved cause I felt if it were a barrier, she would have mentioned.
Your comment makes me see it from a fresh perspective. Its really not fun knowing you’re being played in a relationship. She should let him go really.
Of course she did for 12yrs and still but the love she’s getting ain’t sufficient… Cus if it wasn’t she wouldn’t find solitude in anyone else…… It’s has to be sufficient enough to stay longer…
Guy, are you in their marriage? We have only listened to one side of the story. Let’s hear from the husband too. She is already praising Andrea and make it look like her husband is nothing here.
She should just use her full chest to say she is cheating. Simple! Not look for justification for her actions.
Someone’s pissed. Whoosh.
It’s sad though
Dangem, you said it. This woman is greedy lady. They think the world evolves around them. Always want to give excuses for adultery and accuse the man of the reason they are cheating. See how the comments are giving her a go ahead. So sad we promote nonsense
Dear writer, if you say “it’s wrong to have domestic violence as the only qualifier”, then its just a mere rhetorical question to be asking if you should remain married to a person who has brutally wronged me by not loving me in the way that you want to”. You already have formed your opinion. If you are seeking to hear other married women’s cheating stories, to justify your own decision, I am sorry you have an unrealistic expectation. Its even easier to hear a cheating man’s story than a cheating woman’s story. I salute your courage to share your… Read more »
Jay the analyst 🙌🙌. I love how you’ve analysed several sides of the story. Per “while it lasts”… hmmmm
This story is very fascinating and I love the fact that she is experiencing the kind of love she wants. Not wanting to talk about her husband is ok, but to me it shows she is hurting and the husband is the total opposite of her lover. If someone cares this much about her and made her fall to the extent of calling her marriage bluff, then oga at home no send her at all. He clearly has things or women he is busy with that he doesn’t suspect his wife has a whole life with another man out there.… Read more »
Like how they say when a person is too hurt they don’t wanna talk about stuff? This may be the case. For her husband not to notice the drift it’s either he’s absent minded or she’s very good at erasing traces.
One can tell from your comment you’re a sucker for love lol 🥰
don’t blame the man for anything, this lady is just greedy. Adultery has no excuses, you ladies should learn to take accountability for yout actions.
This isn’t surprising. Only that in your case you were bold enough to go for his (your husband’s) jugular . If he had always loved you the same way he does now so what changed ? To be candid , most couples do not resonate the same degree of love for each other like they did at the inception . Reason is , reality sets in at some point in marriage and those butterflies you once felt for each other have died in your tummies . This is not to say there is no love anymore . But it is… Read more »
Wow!! Beautifully penned. I have no reservations for everything you said. I just hope the writer sees reasons from your standpoint. Thank you Bolz 🙏
Thank you for this!
I was looking for your response low-key😬
You analysed all of my thoughts. In reality, I’ll rather remain single than watch that spark die and not be able to do anything about it. Because I was raised in a home where mummy and daddy loved each other till death bid them part. They’ll go on dates and vacations and not even send us kids. They always had a way to spark things up. COMMUNICATION!!! EXPRESSIONS!!! UNDERSTANDING!!! I still believe the spark went off and Mr Soulmate is the lighter. I pray he keeps the fire burning long enough. Because a woman’s needs are insatiable and they change… Read more »
Hmmm. I don’t know what to say. I’m single so…but I pity the poor man sha. Marriage seems scarier by the day. From what I’ve read from books: At a point in marriage, you’ll fall out of love with your partner, you just need to fall in love with each other again.
How to fall in love back is the koko. Not many know how to solve the puzzle
There are different stages in marriage . I kid you not, LOVE is one of the least you need to sustain a marriage. If any of the couples do not understand that the first stage of marriage , everything will be rossy and seem as if you both are in another world . Many people go into marriage without having a deep understanding of what marriage entails. So many people, mostly women love to remain in that first stage of marriage where the only thing that matters is LOVE . AT the SECOND STAGE , you begin to see his… Read more »
Hmmm interesting. Two questions Bolz;
Are you married?
Are you a relationship therapist? 😊
I am married
I just understand a lot about relationship and marriage by virtue of reading n perhaps experience as well
I’ve Started gathering married folks on the platform for a story. Be kind when I reach out via email lol
Very true. I’m in the same school of thought. Love is not enough.
Omo las las, nah wetin aunty wan do she go do, she no ask person first or closer friend before she started seeing the other guy and getting horny unnecessarily. See ehn, maybe she is looking for a justification to continue her acts cuz for someone who needs advice will also talk about the husbands side since she is staying anonymous but chose not to say it and she’s still claiming anonymous. At least if she wanted the advice of the public she could have said everything that transpired from how the marriage with her husband has been going and… Read more »
Hmmm hearing both sides of the story seems fair enough but like the common saying “who first report na him get case” lol
You see this life we are living, there is absolutely no manual for it, sometimes what we want doesn’t want us and what we don’t want is what wants us. So in my humble opinion I think she should talk about it to her husband, if it’s best for her let her walk out of the marriage because on the long run the husband will still find out and that in turn will pose more threat to their union, I really don’t want to judge her, woe betide me to do so I ain’t God, but there are certain situations… Read more »
Hmmmm thank you. Makes me wonder which is the better option; Finding out by yourself you’re being cheated on or your partner telling you? 🤔
There is nothing hidden for too long, if he doesn’t find out by himself, her actions are supposed to make him suspect, that is if he is even paying attention .
Or maybe he knows but decides to feign ignorance.
I am writing this when I haven’t taken a peek at other comments down here… First, cos I want to pen down what I genuinely think and secondly, I don’t want to get infected with opinions.. That being said, I think there are a lot of loose ends to tie in this story… I would have rather the writer, take us through a brief journey of what being married to her man feels like. Long story short… I think everything we do is a function of choice… I mean, wouldn’t it be nice if we can freely live our lives… Read more »
😂😂😂😂😂😂 I didn’t intend to laugh but the moment I saw “unresponsive statue” I couldn’t hold back 😂😂😂
You’ve tackled the issue intelligently and likewise highlighted valid questions/concerns. Let me go and consult the men on Telegram for answers 😃
Every Man/Woman would loose their sensitivity over time simply because of the experiences that has occurred in the course of the Marriage and it has nothing to do with pride or laziness! The sad mistake we all make especially in Marriage is that we sometimes forget that “love is its own reward!” To expect to be given love without you giving and continuing to give, will likely end in a huge disappointment! Marriage is extremely tough and it’s a lot of hard work, balancing and daily understanding. Depending on the individuals expressive and personal nature, that “”hot” love that was… Read more »
This is 🔥
I didn’t stop screaming “OMO!!!” from start to finish, because this marriage thing ain’t for the faint hearted🤧. Dear Lord!!! Dear Anonymous, mutterers don’t judge, so I’m only going to give my honest opinion, which in fact is “the Lord be with you ma”. As a single lady, I wouldn’t say I can relate cos I’ve never been married. I wouldn’t compare this to all the brief relationships I’ve been involved in all my life. Cos in all honesty, I don’t care how how much I love a man, once I see a reg flag, I flee. But this ain’t… Read more »
Don’t be scared of marriage 😆, we would all wear Muttering Yellow and deep blue to come cheer you lol💃🏾💃🏾.
I wish she could answer all your questions too.
Speaking of red flags, what’s the weirdest/pettiest reason you’ve ever broken up with someone?😃
🤣😂😂 You just gave me a color code for Mutterers😂😂. Y’all wee wear it to my child’s naming ceremony should I decide to become a single mother 😂😂😂😂. Marriage is not rice and stew nwanne. Haaa!!! Pettiest reason why I broke up? Nigga sent me a break-up message three weeks into the relationship and ended the text with, “Babe you know deep down that this was meant to be a prank yeah? Please don’t take it to heart, I was only joking. This is me saying I’ve missed you” Guess what? I replied with “I miss you too babe, can… Read more »
😂😂😂😂😂 what sort of prank is that?? My paranoid mind would refuse to believe its a prank, despite playing along. I hope he framed the love letter sha.
But you self? Maybe you were not really into him 😂😂😂
Okay. This is funny 😂😂😂. No waste of time.
Having read the comments, different submissions and takes… I still can’t but fault this madam here. And that’s because from her post, she didn’t bother to fight for her marriage at all, she’s already outside, like she’s already divorced in her mind. It also makes me wonder why she got married to her husband in the first place! Was she forced or what? Didn’t she at least liked him or something before going into the marriage? You just want to give up on 12years because he’s not loving you as you want, something you’ve not discussed with him. Seems like… Read more »
Dos Dos 🙌🙌 you didn’t even spare her a little breathing space lol. But if you read clearly the last lines, she said she has exhausted all avenues of communicating with him. I wish she opened up a little more about what went down.
All the same, the points you made are very valid. Dos Dos 😆
I had to go read the last part again, but I didn’t see where she said, she has exhausted all avenues of communicating with him. What she said is “Communication is beautiful, but we must learn to walk away when the people we hope to hear us cannot comprehend. Even in marriage too.” (I went to copy it). Yea, I wish that too… I get the vibe that, she didn’t try enough for that marriage. Like she gave up on the marriage too soon, and when Andrea came into the picture, she saw him as her saviour. And that might… Read more »
But money is important now… lemme run before you stone me shoe.🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
Men that sleep with married men, over to you all.
😂😂😂 stone you ke?
Dosbambi you get sense.
Chai, one cold fanta for you. Broke, blended and spread the remains of the table😂😂😂…you hit on every point, bro!
Lols… I will appreciate that cold fanta ☺☺☺
Such courage you’ve mustered to pour out your emotions into writing.
In my honest opinion: change is the only constant thing in life. People change so i’d advice you give it time. Besides, you should have this discussion with your husband because obviously, he’s in the dark on this issue.
Long time Nuella 😆😆
Mehnnn. This one is technical. The thing is I feel she needs clarity. You asked something, if things with Andrea doesn’t work out, does it invalidate the fact that her husband is her soulmate. Another question is do we always marry her soulmate?
I think she should treat her husband, the way she treats her boyfriend and tell her husband to treat her the same way her boyfriend treats her. So both of them will be treat her like that at least a month. And see if Andrea is still special
Hmmmm solving this math might just be the solution 😎
At the risk of sounding sanctimonious, permit me to say that there’s a difference between magnifying selfishness and live the best of your life. The whole idea or concept of marriage isn’t founded on love(or the emotional/feelings) alone especially as it fluctuates…and then, she’s into the new guy because of what he does. The truth is when you look well or hard enough, there’s an excuse for about anything you want to do. Or choose to do. However, the freedom to choose attracts corresponding consequence per action or inaction. If she’s tired, she should own up and leave. That’s the… Read more »
😊😊 the last line though. You’ve spoken well!!
I have studied a lot of marriages around including that of my sister. I have read enough books and listened to enough messages by seasoned marriage counselors. I have come to my own conclusion. This is an unpopular opinion but this is what I have come to believe. Marriage is not as physical as we see it. It is spiritual (call me spirikoko, issorait). From all I have learnt, a lot of people enter marriage blindly. Disregarding all the rules guiding that sacred institution in our bid to do what others are doing has led people down dangerous paths. As… Read more »
Awww Didi, this is golden and a breath of fresh air. I’m not against your spirituality, I’m a preacher of everyone having a belief system.
I totally agree with you, people do not change overnight jare. The signs are always there, if not from day one, then midway. Almost never after saying “I do”.
Thank you for this. I look forward to more of your comments here 😊
Madam .. divorce your husband and pursue your butterflies… By the time those butterflies perch……
Doom lurking !!