Finding your ‘Spec’ and it’s Flip sides

Everyone has a spec, some of us have it built more on the mental side while some on the physical, but we will all agree that the majority gravitates towards the latter. Have you ever thought about it that sometimes the way that we think makes us believe lies that eventually make us channel our expectations in the wrong light? Maybe you do not understand, but I would explain in succinct lines.

Once upon a time, I saw a movie by Tyler Perry titled Nobody’s Fool. To save you all of the many shenanigans, in that movie, Tiffany’s sister had a book of specifications- she wanted her ideal man to meet a requisite pattern in terms of looks and how he must act in a social context. It sounded more like a perfect idea when she met a man on the online web who checked every item on her spec list. The tall and short of the tale is that she assumed wrongly about the one that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She ended up settling to love a man that didn’t aptly fit into her specification for an ideal man.

Read: Should Marriage Have An Expiry Date?

This brings a question to mind and it is, is it ideal to have a specification list in choosing a partner? Oftentimes I hear my peers talking about the kind of women or men that they want to end up with. Some of them tell me that regardless of other realities of life, they want women or men that are lanky, cute, rich, and all of the others that come to mind. My thought exactly is, if they have this spec list for themselves, does it in any way guarantee that they would get the best out of that union?

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 In situations where people end up marrying the life partners that they have chosen, especially those that have the glam of an expensive wedding which gains an edition in several marriage blogs and equally becomes the yardstick for the ‘I tap’ Whatsapp group, I wonder why such marriages fail. Could it be that as time went on their expectations from their spouses changed? We can try to play smart but no matter how we cannot cheat mental compatibility. In my opinion, failed marriages/relationships happen to those who have their spec list built more on the physical side. Paying too much attention to what they see rather than what’s upstairs.

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Let me use the African Star Apple (Agbalumo) as an example. When it comes to selecting one that soothes your taste bud, ideally you’ll pick the one that looks bubbly and very brown and also appears hydrated. But sometimes we are aghast by the slapping taste it gives us. Despite the appearance, it still failed us. That’s the thing about specs, you cannot be sure if that handsome man or beautiful lady will complement you in every area. Yet the majority of us still prefer to have a specification list bent more on the physical. At the end of the day, settling for one’s spec is like a ‘try your luck’ game. While we might get closer, a lasting union is not guaranteed. 

The Flip Sides and the BIG FLIP

But there’s another flip side. It can be difficult for some particular individuals to be sexually attracted to people who match or supersede their mental strength. Despite the vibe, they will rather piss themselves than have sex with each other. “Why are intelligent people less attractive?” lol. Does the question ring a bell? Or “Why is it that fine people do not know mathematics?”

Read: Why Walking Away Is Not An Option Yet

You find a man who prior to entering a relationship tells you that his spec is a slim, fair, and tall lady. But he ends up settling for a dark thick lady who is not so much on the beautiful side. Why is that so? Personally I feel a person might get closer to their spec but the outcome is what determines if they will stay. Specifications give an expectation based on how we assume that situations or relationships with people should turn out, but life has other plans when we plan to follow a sequel of logic.

Now to the questions bothering, is it right to have a spec list? Which should weigh more in writing a spec list, the mental or physical? Also, People who do not have a list of what an ideal life partner should look or act like, are they making mistakes too? If you have also been in a situation where you settled for your spec, you know the ‘love at first sight tingy’, I’ll like to know the outcome. Are you still kicking it? Perhaps you’re like a friend of mine who settled for his spec, he often tells me that whenever he feels like breaking up, he considers how beautiful she is and buys her another straw.

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Lest I forget the BIG FLIP, you might have a spec, but are you your spec’s spec? Stop rolling your eyes and answer the question especially those of you who belong to the ‘I am sapiosexual’ Whatsapp group. Let’s figure this out because, at the end of the day, this might just be the foundation of plenty of problems to come. I need your projected opinions, please.