Prior to and during my secondary school education, I wasn’t given so much liberty, I attended a boarding school and was usually under surveillance but a girl’s got to have her way innit… I was really smart and versatile and peculiar with many boy-girl tricks. It is safe to say no guy could pull a fast one on me.
There was nothing like sex until I got to university at age 17. During my first year in school, I had a neighbour who I was fascinated by. You know this kind of guys who have charisma, mind their business and say little or no words to anyone yet girls trip, he is that kind. The times our paths crossed it would just be me having a glimpse of his shadow. Finally, my roommate introduced us as friends, unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.
I was young, vulnerable, feeble-minded and most importantly, finally free. I could decide what I want at any given time compared to the regimented kind of life I was familiar with. Gradually, we became close, I would ask my roommate to serve him meals whenever we cooked, I pitied him so much, sometimes I would say to myself, “poor boy that has no one, how would he cope?” As if I had anyone too..lol
While he was reserved and quite intelligent, I was the social and versatile one…As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as he wasn’t that experienced with the whole love thing. So we started a relationship that was beautiful whilst it lasted. Sex wasn’t a topic we talked about too much but we bore it in mind that it will happen at the right time when we were both ready.
Unplanned maybe, but it happened. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, a long burnt orange polo dress, I had made dinner for the both of us and we were having a good time. Things got a little slippery and off we went. Truly, I didn’t know what I was doing until I did it. It happened so fast…awkwardly sweet…and messy. I had to lead, I had to take charge… you know why? It was also his first sex too. I can’t really tell if I felt deep emotions, for me it was like a project that had to be executed and gotten over with. I actually wasn’t ready, I thought I was but I wasn’t. So about the messy side…there was blood, pain, and many other things happening I couldn’t figure out at the time. No fun. As time went on, we transitioned into other sex styles, It took a while especially mental readiness before I started enjoying sex.
Not against those who say sex is not a big deal, it is their opinion after all, for me, it actually is one big deal everyone should know about at the early stage of their life. Talks, sessions, advises, etc should be offered in this regard. Do not let children pick up stories from the wrong people and term it as knowledge or experience. If you want to abstain, you need to understand the reason why you want to abstain or why you are told to do so, not just following the bandwagon. Also to parents and guardians, approach matters a lot. Whatever approach you want to use to hold your point, make sure you drill your point and explain rightly up till the root, and be sure you are well understood and not assumedly perceived. A lot of people lose their virginity because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t. As partners, if you decide to be celibate, here are questions you can ask yourselves;
- Why Celibacy?
- What happens when we do, what is our gain?
- What are we looking forward to?
- What if we don’t?
These above pointers also apply to singles. People should not put themselves under the societal pressure of ‘going celibate’ or ‘keeping their virginity’ when they don’t have deep insight into the core values and heavenly blessings surrounding it. Like the bible puts it in Hosea 4:6, “my people perish because of lack of knowledge”, I think that’s what is wrong with a lot of us. I don’t have regrets, but I wish I would have had it in a better way. I have moved from it and have learnt to make my choices wisely.