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4 min read

Prior to and during my secondary school education, I wasn’t given so much liberty, I attended a boarding school and was usually under surveillance but a girl’s got to have her way innit… I was really smart and versatile  and peculiar with many boy-girl tricks. It is safe to say no guy could pull a fast one on me. 

There was nothing like sex until I got to university at age 17. During my first year in school, I had a neighbour who I was fascinated by. You know this kind of guys who have charisma, mind their business and say little or no words to anyone yet girls trip, he is that kind. The times our paths crossed it would just be me having a glimpse of his shadow. Finally, my roommate introduced us as friends, unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

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Unbeknownst to us that we were going to be bedmates in the future… lol.

I was young, vulnerable, feeble-minded and most importantly, finally free. I could decide what I want at any given time compared to the regimented kind of life I was familiar with. Gradually, we became close, I would ask my roommate to serve him meals whenever we cooked, I pitied him so much, sometimes I would say to myself, “poor boy that has no one, how would he cope?” As if I had anyone too..lol

While he was reserved and quite intelligent, I was the social and versatile one…As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as he wasn’t that experienced with the whole love thing. So we started a relationship that was beautiful whilst it lasted. Sex wasn’t a topic we talked about too much but we bore it in mind that it will happen at the right time when we were both ready.

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As time went by, I began to infect him with my charm, he had no choice but to fall for me as…

Unplanned maybe, but it happened. I can remember vividly what I was wearing, a long burnt orange polo dress, I had made dinner for the both of us and we were having a good time. Things got a little slippery and off we went. Truly, I didn’t know what I was doing until I did it. It happened so fast…awkwardly sweet…and messy. I had to lead, I had to take charge… you know why? It was also his first sex too. I can’t really tell if I felt deep emotions, for me it was like a project that had to be executed and gotten over with. I actually wasn’t ready, I thought I was but I wasn’t.  So about the messy side…there was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time. No fun. As time went on, we transitioned into other sex styles, It took a while especially mental readiness before I started enjoying sex. 

Read: My boyfriend and I are both virgins. How do we get through our first time?
first sex
There was blood, pain, and many other things happening  I couldn’t figure out at the time.

Not against those who say sex is not a big deal, it is their opinion after all, for me, it actually is one big deal everyone should know about at the early stage of their life. Talks, sessions, advises, etc should be offered in this regard. Do not let children pick up stories from the wrong people and term it as knowledge or experience. If you want to abstain, you need to understand the reason why you want to abstain or why you are told to do so, not just following the bandwagon. Also to parents and guardians, approach matters a lot. Whatever approach you want to use to hold your point, make sure you drill your point and explain rightly up till the root, and be sure you are well understood and not assumedly perceived. A lot of people lose their virginity because they don’t understand why they shouldn’t. As partners, if you decide to be celibate, here are questions you can ask yourselves;

  1. Why Celibacy?
  2. What happens when we do, what is our gain?
  3. What are we looking forward to?
  4. What if we don’t?
Why Should You Practice Abstinence For Sexual Celibacy? | Penile ...
Why celibacy?

These above pointers also apply to singles. People should not put themselves under the societal pressure of ‘going celibate’ or ‘keeping their virginity’ when they don’t have deep insight into the core values and heavenly blessings surrounding it. Like the bible puts it in Hosea 4:6,  “my people perish because of lack of knowledge”, I think that’s what is wrong with a lot of us. I don’t have regrets, but I wish I would have had it in a better way. I have moved from it and have learnt to make my choices wisely.

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6 min read

Growing up in Surulere, Lagos Nigeria, was one of the best things that happened to me. You know the popular saying “if you no fit wise for Lagos, you no fit wise anywhere” right? residents of Surulere have their own version which says, “if you no Ja for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life.” In plain English, it means If you don’t get wise living in Surulere, no other location can make you wise.

Living in surulere, you are exposed to a lot of things that will either make or break you and that includes sex at a young age. My first sex experience was almost at age fifteen, it was not how I envisioned it to be though. I imagined it would be after a candlelight dinner, roses on the floor and on the bed with soft slow music like I usually read in the many romantic novels my eldest sister owned (I always read them without her knowledge). To make it worse, my first sex wasn’t with the love of my life, it was more of me trying to act out what I watched in a pornographic film.

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if you no JA for surulere, you no fit ja again for your life

Growing up I had a thing for older women and then living in a ‘face me I face you’ compound or ‘face me I slap you’ (whichever name you are familiar with), I had a lot of big aunties in my compound that I fancied and imagined sticking my penis in them. Crazy right? I was exposed to porn at a young age by a fellow kid in my compound who had stumbled on it from a Chip and Dale cartoon videotape his dad had bought for them. Poor dad, he had no idea such was on the tape because you had to wait about five minutes after the cartoon had ended for the porn to start playing.

Now to the big gist lol. My first sex happened after my Junior WAEC, spending a lot of time at home doing nothing, an idle mind was no doubt going to be the devil’s workshop. She was always home alone too because she wrote the exams as well. She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched. I usually sent her love notes indicating I wanted sex and somewhere at the back of my mind praying deep within that she doesn’t show her parents. Also to push my desires further, I would buy her agoyin and agege bread (local made beans and bread) every morning with my pocket money and finally one day she agreed.

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She got matured on time and looked like one of the BBW ladies from one of the porn videos I had watched.

In my wildest imagination, I never pictured my first sex was going to happen inside a public bathroom but it was the safest because both our apartments were not safe, anyone could badge in at any time. I remember I had to go in through the bathroom window that had burglary proof. Guess what, they lived upstairs and we stayed downstairs, meaning I had to climb the iron that housed the water tank but was close to the bathroom window. Thinking of it now, I still don’t know how I managed to pull that off.

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I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her.

I tried all the moves I had watched in the porn videos with her. Luckily for me, it was not her first time so she was always guiding me, also I think the videos helped a little. A lot changed about me afterwards, psychologically it made me start feeling and acting more mature than my age. I stopped doing what my age mates were doing and always wanted to be in the loop of every senior joke… after all what have they done that I haven’t? Socially my circle of friends changed, I stopped hanging around my mates but with the so-called big boys who introduced me to alcohol and more sex.

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It became a routine

My relationship with her after the first sex improved a lot, I was always looking forward to the next time as she became a means for me to practice everything I watched or read about sex. In fact, it became a routine (twice every day), immediately everyone had left the compound to work and before everyone came back from work or school. Our relationship got bad when she started getting clingy and wanted me to let everyone know I was her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her I had already moved up a league, and she was my side chick, in my tiny mind oh…so I ran for my life. 

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I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls

During my university days, there were times I used to have sex three or four times a day with different girls (don’t judge me oh) but I have slowed down now. Looking back, I have a different view and I think the sex thing is just so overrated, most especially in Nigeria. Don’t say because I have had my own fair share now I am saying it is overrated oh, but if you look closely you will see it is.

My candid advice to virgins out there would be to stay virgins until they are very sure and want to give it up to the right person. Spoiler alert!  you always end up giving it to the wrong person LOL. Remain a virgin because it is easier to abstain from sex when you are still one than when you are not, trust me konji na bastard, in plain terms I mean sexual urge can make you go crazy.  If you try all the ‘I am going celibate’ yarns and you don’t have Christ in you, no principles, and still consume substances that spike the desire for sex, like alcohol and late-night romantic movies, or movies with plenty sex scenes, my dear your celibacy race will only last at most six months or maybe eight before you become the ‘knacker’ or the ‘knackee’ again.

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Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship.

Different people have different reasons why they always want to go celibate, as for me, I don’t want to and don’t plan to. I don’t even put the word in my head, because putting the word in your head will end up putting you under pressure. If I want to abstain, I abstain.

I am currently in a committed relationship and we are sexually active. Sex is good for the body and the mind when done the right way and without any pressure from either party. Waking up one morning to say you want to go celibate when the other party is not in total support will affect the relationship. So it is better not to lose your virginity than saying you want to go celibate in the long run.

 

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