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Bald man

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5 min read

Reading the post about the Slim Curse was hilarious and also thought-provoking. As I read Doris’ rant and the other comments (mostly ladies), it got me thinking, if these ladies can be so sensitive about their weight, what will happen if they’ve got a more obvious ‘physical setback’?

I knew I was destined to be bald; my dad is bald, my brothers are bald, even my six-month-old picture clearly shows my receding hairline, what I never knew was that I’d go bald in my early 20’s.

Read: Male Pattern Baldness

It all started with a few extra hairs during my third year in the university and while my friends made a joke out of every haircut I had on, I clung to my remaining hair and did what I could do to avoid the inevitable. Little did I know I was digging up my own grave with my frequent haircuts until I hit a wall; I couldn’t cover it up anymore. It became obvious to everyone around me and I was left with two options: Accept the situation or Continue deceiving myself.

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I clung to my remaining hair and did what I could do to avoid the inevitable

You know that feeling of being scared or nervous about something, how bad it messes with your head that you begin to picture yourself in different situations around it or see things or people that remind you about it. I close my eyes, and I see a ‘bald me’, I’m walking on the road, I see a bald man and even while watching TV, a bald man must show up on my display. All because my bald look couldn’t wait to switch position with my receding hairlines. That kinda power must change hands setting lol.😕

Know More About Muttering Minds

If my friends could shun pity and mock my receding hairlines at every opportunity, it would be an open party for mockery if I decided to lay off the remaining hair down, knowing that the chances are only two percent that it will grow back. This was me trying to debate my way out of it. And the ladies? How do I toast them without my half baked mohawk or malnourished low cut?

The Big Leap

One wet evening after my NYSC, I strolled into my longtime barbershop and told him to take it all off. With the clipper on the lowest setting, I watched as my remaining hair fell to the ground, and my barber grinning through the cut; it was like a mission accomplished for him. While he kept grazing my hair field with his clipper, all I could think of were a thousand and one ways to welcome my new look.

Tada! He was done. I could barely recognize myself, it felt even more ridiculous after running my fingers across my head.

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Surprisingly, my family and genuine friends complimented the new look although within me I wished I could still rock hairstyles like frohawk with unique designs, low cut with waves, large afro, or medium curls. 

No hair means more caps. I became 5 &6 with face caps to hide my young bald look but as days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, I garnered some lessons I’ll love to share;

  • Nobody Cares: Absolutely no one! My biggest fears at the initial stage was what people were going to think of me being bald at a young age. “Will people make fun of me?”, “Will I still look attractive?”, “Will people think I look weird?” etc. But then an epiphany struck me; ‘How does my baldness affect them anyway?’…I looked around and searched through my mind, absolutely no connection whatsoever. Yes, I got a couple of teasing comments but most people either extremely complimented it or completely ignored it. As soon as I took the leap and accepted my fate, my insecurities faded into oblivion. It made me more confident and care less about people’s opinions.
  • People Automatically Think I Am ‘Hard’:  Since I embraced my baldness, I have experienced subtle shifts in my relationships with people. People began to create more time for me, older folks began to put some respect on my name and younger folks tagged me as an “alpha male”, which in this regard, is the polar opposite of the comb-over.
Bald
Folks began to put some respect on my name and younger folks tagged me as an “alpha male”.
  • I Look More Attractive: Embracing my bald curse unmasked my attractiveness. I won’t even talk about the ladies frolicking because of my zaddy look🌚. However, the point here is the shift the change has made in my personality; I have moved from constantly worrying about my lack of hair to not just caring and in my opinion, one of the greatest attractive quality anyone can ask for is self-assurance – so rock that bald head, baldie👨‍🦲.
  • Trying to Reverse it is Completely a Waste of Money: Even though I never tried to reverse it, friends and acquaintances suggested I try all sorts of things to grow my hair. Some even went as far as citing hair surgeries but my response to them was always; ‘I no dey do (not interested)’. For a fact, most people who sell these hair remedies are not doctors; they are private companies and only have their profits at heart, so once you buy, you are at the risk of hurting your pockets and enriching theirs.
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Bald ladies look yummy

Not that I am that nice😒,  but I was moved to share this with Mutterers so that whoever felt insecure about anything concerning their body can scoop some silver lining from my story😉. Some part of me is also curious to know if ladies find bald guys attractive and their impression about bald guys. And as for the baldies reading this, (both male and female) how market? You know we’re the baddest kids on block right! If you don’t mind sharing your own experience too you know 😆😆