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beating one self

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4 min read

Everyone wishes they knew tomorrow, some claim they have the gift and a reasonable number, have their optimism fuelled with faith that their tomorrow is bright. The truth is, while we know where we wish to be, we do not know where we will be.

Ever felt so happy at some point that you’re finally getting it right and then you begin to savour the moment but while at it, the light goes off, the rug beneath your feet turns to thick mud, you can barely move your feet. Stuck! Shattered! Not again! Times like these are depressing, you wonder why the good days have a short lifespan and the bad days, the best laugh.

success
You wonder why the good days have a short lifespan and the bad days, the best laugh.

Deep inside we are all scared. Hardly can I go a day without getting pensive about my future especially with the way my success and failure stories keep castling the baton at their own will.  Will I leave this world a failure? Or will I have the world reckon with notable flags of my achievements even after I am gone? 

Will you forgive yourself if you do not succeed on earth? Before you try to answer the question, what does success mean to you? Have you coined a unique definition of the word for yourself or are you entangled in a merry go round of society’s opinion on what it is and should look like?

success
Your definition of success?

I realised that it is our idea of success that makes us not appreciate our achievements no matter how little. The idea of the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ and that ‘where we are is not where we are supposed to be’. Maybe we are right, well only God knows. 

Cruising on the best islands in Hawaii, looking dapper on the finest clothes and having oodles of money to afford whatever you want can be your definition of success and that’s perfect. If success means to you happiness, career fulfilment, peace and quiet while raising a family, that’s valid too. My definition of success is a mixture of all these elements. Success to me must have some substantial amount of finance before the other elements come to play. 

success
What’s the fuss about anyway? I’m gonna die someday.

Whatever our definition of success is, we are working to achieve it. Sometimes the journey gets difficult, I hit rock bottom and I’m tempted to remain there. What’s the fuss about anyway? I’m gonna die someday. Why do I push to achieve a whole lot that won’t go down six feet with me? It is painful. 

In as much as not fighting feels good, I cannot hold still, the next minute I get back up, struggling to keep my head above the water. At every point I lose hope, I reminisce on some peculiar accolades from friends, for all the times they said to me “nice job”, and giggled chin to chin because of how amazingly talented they see me, I find courage. While I pick me up, one of my demons whispers to my mind, “what if they said all those to make you happy? You are not as talented as you think”. Do I rebuke the demon or accept her words? Well, it all depends on what day it is.

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Once it shows up, it replicates itself into many terrifying scenarios that feast on your mind.

The thoughts of failure are like vultures preying on a carcass. One perches first then the others begin to assemble one after the other until they fill the place tearing it apart. They’re ugly, aggressive, and have pretty rotten feeding habits. Just like the thoughts of failure, once it shows up, it replicates itself into many terrifying scenarios that feast on your mind.  

We all want to be successful but the truth is, not all of us will be. Yes, the sky is big enough for everyone to fly but first, look within you. Can you fly? If yes, what is the size of your wings? Are your wings punctured or built up? One bitter truth is, you might get all these right and still not make it. Life is a mystery, if not for anything, I wish I knew tomorrow. 

Will you forgive yourself if you do not succeed on earth?