Why do you seek change in a person? Is it because their lifestyle doesn’t reflect your personality? Or because it is actually bad for them to be that way?
Recently, I was chatting with a colleague about something a new employee did and after narrating the ordeal, all he could say was; “there’s still time, you can still change her”. I laughed at him cause I’ve seen enough to understand that the idea of changing someone is like trying to mop the ocean. As much as change is deliberate and conscious, it’s personal too.
My colleague believes that he can change anybody. I’ve watched him try a couple of times and from my observations, he is more about his own ego to boast that he changed a person.
The truth is many of us are like him: obsessed with control and filled with the desire to fit people into a particular “ideal mould” not knowing that we can’t all be and act the same.
We crave basking in the euphoria that comes with narrating the tale of how we changed an individual.
“ooo could you believe my boyfriend quit smoking because of me”
“If I wasn’t in her life, I wonder where she would be…I made her change”
You had to be featured in the story I guess.
I understand you highlighted pointers on why they should change that bad habit. You probably even had to aggressive to secure the change in them, I understand.
But do you really think they changed for you? Or they changed because they wanted to? What if they only feign a change in behaviour only when you are around? Have you ever considered these…
That quest to change someone to be what we want them to be is not only selfish but also vain. People should be allowed to bloom at their own pace. The least we can do is to inspire and walk with them if we can not try to alter their journey with our projections.
If they changed…If they ever will change…trust me, it wasn’t because of you. It was just about time.