Why do you want them to Change?

Writer- Ifeanyichukwu Ogbuoji
Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr
2 min read

Why do you seek change in a person? Is it because their lifestyle doesn’t reflect your personality? Or because it is actually bad for them to be that way? 

Recently, I was chatting with a colleague about something a new employee did and after narrating the ordeal, all he could say was; “there’s still time, you can still change her”. I laughed at him cause I’ve seen enough to understand that the idea of changing someone is like trying to mop the ocean. As much as change is deliberate and conscious, it’s personal too. 

Why do you want them to change?
Read: The Mask Of Civility 

My colleague believes that he can change anybody. I’ve watched him try a couple of times and from my observations, he is more about his own ego to boast that he changed a person.

The truth is many of us are like him: obsessed with control and filled with the desire to fit people into a particular “ideal mould” not knowing that we can’t all be and act the same.

Do people change?

We crave basking in the euphoria that comes with narrating the tale of how we changed an individual.

“ooo could you believe my boyfriend quit smoking because of me”

“If I wasn’t in her life, I wonder where she would be…I made her change”

You had to be featured in the story I guess.

I understand you highlighted pointers on why they should change that bad habit. You probably even had to aggressive to secure the change in them, I understand. 

Read: How To Get Better With Phone Calls

But do you really think they changed for you? Or they changed because they wanted to? What if they only feign a change in behaviour only when you are around? Have you ever considered these…

It wasn’t because of you…

That quest to change someone to be what we want them to be is not only selfish but also vain. People should be allowed to bloom at their own pace. The least we can do is to inspire and walk with them if we can not try to alter their journey with our projections.

If they changed…If they ever will change…trust me, it wasn’t because of you. It was just about time.


0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
King Blessed
King Blessed
2 years ago

See, you just summarized the narratives; it is vain and selfish to try to change anybody, God would if it right to force or manipulate a human person to change to your dictate. It is possible to desire change for anybody, God does too but what we are allowed to do is inspire, motivate, influence an individual to see need for change and help them to embrace the change when they deem it fit. Human beings are free moral agents, he naturally can’t be changed. He was wired that way …he can only be inspired, taught and motivated to see… Read more »

muttering minds
2 years ago
Reply to  King Blessed

Well said. We all wish we could change not just people but every situation to soothe us.🤨

2 years ago

I actually agree with you that people change because it was about time. People also change because other people want them to change. I remember trying to stop a bad habit just because a girl I really liked wouldn’t date me unless I changed. Anyways, that change was short-lived the moment she walked out of my life…I guess it wasn’t time for me to change after all.

muttering minds
2 years ago
Reply to  Wammy

This just proves it! Glad you were able to say this here.👏👏

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x