When she texted me saying she had just lost her dad, my reaction was although cliche but acceptable I bet.
“Wow! When did this happen… I am so sorry for your loss… How have you been holding up dear? Please accept my condolence “
But was this me? Was it how I wanted to react or how society taught me to? Society taught me this and also taught me not to ask the things I would have wanted to because I might come across as insensitive.
How do you react to the news of death? I bet you are just like me who reacts in ways you are expected to and then you keep asking questions at the back of your mind…questions you would have loved the bereaved to answer for you but it’s very unfortunate you cannot ask.
When someone tells me they lost a loved one, I cannot help but ponder the gravity of fuzziness and distress that must be going on in their heads.
Do they feel their presence even though they are dead? Are they terrified to stay alone knowing that their ghost might appear like in the movies?
Were there any signs of death apart from the sickness that was noticeable? Were there any last words? Should I ask them how they truly feel? Perhaps it wasn’t a loss for them but a relief? Should I ask them the real reason for their tears? Maybe they are mandated to cry after all!
I hate it whenever someone says during a funeral “Look at that one, she’s not even crying… She hasn’t cried the whole time”. For goodness sake! Is it now a cry competition? Do you know what’s in the heart?
I haven’t lost anyone so close before, and I hope I don’t come across as insensitive. These are the thoughts that go on in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I sincerely give my condolence, but trust me there’s more to every condolence than meets the eyes. So much more I wish I could ask.